1 00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,538 NARRATOR: Kids, it's not always rational, but people on their wedding day 2 00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:06,407 sometimes find themselves panicking 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,642 about whether they've made the best choice. 4 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,010 I have a better tie at home! 5 00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:12,180 It's cornflower blue. It's cornflower blue! 6 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:15,516 NARRATOR: But lucky for Barney, he was marrying a rock. 7 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,118 I can't go through with this wedding. 8 00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:23,891 Last year, when you helped Victoria escape this church, 9 00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:25,893 how hard was it to climb down that drainpipe? 10 00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,061 Extremely hard. 11 00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:28,496 Okay, so that means super easy. Thanks. 12 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:29,697 Wait, wait. Stop, stop. 13 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,099 What the hell are you doing? 14 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,700 I just... I can't go through with this! 15 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,602 No, no. Sorry. I refuse to be a part 16 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:35,936 of a third runaway bride situation. 17 00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,738 It's like the dude 18 00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,673 in that documentary who kept having women show up dead 19 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,041 at the bottom of his staircase. 20 00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,243 Sure, maybe they all tripped, but it's like, 21 00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:43,944 do you want to hang out with that guy? 22 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,180 Gonna think I'm insane, but... 23 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:49,917 I still think that it's a bad sign I never found that locket. 24 00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:01,061 Some part of me thought that Barney would magically find it. 25 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,230 I know. 26 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:03,597 I know that's unfair of me 27 00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:06,900 to expect that, but... you know, I want to be with a guy 28 00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,270 who comes through for me, you know? 29 00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:10,871 The guy who, 30 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,641 somehow, against all odds, 31 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,210 finds my locket. 32 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:19,247 Okay, just, um... just calm down, stay put. 33 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,116 Uh, I'm-I'm gonna go get you some water, okay? 34 00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:44,138 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 35 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,348 Uh, listen, I have something for you, 36 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,150 but before I give it to you, 37 00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:58,352 I just want to make sure you're okay. 38 00:01:58,386 --> 00:02:00,087 I was freaking out a little earlier, 39 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,690 but Lily and Marshall calmed me down. I'm okay. 40 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,958 Good, good. So, Robin's a little nervous. 41 00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,494 Nervous? Why is she nervous? 42 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:07,928 I'm not nervous! Who's nervous?! 43 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,363 No one needs to be nervous! 44 00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:12,166 Cornflower blue, Ted. Cornflower blue! 45 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,203 First off, kudos to Marshall and Lily for calming you down. 46 00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:20,774 Second, do you... you remember Robin's locket? 47 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,376 Yeah, of course. 48 00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:24,077 She never found it. 49 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,016 Whoa. How did you...? 50 00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,718 I never told you about it because I was afraid 51 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,985 you'd take it the wrong way, 52 00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,287 but I actually wound up tracking it down. 53 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,856 It's a long story. 54 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:38,359 I was gonna give it to Robin as a surprise, 55 00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:41,495 but... she needs it to come from you. 56 00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:43,664 Ted, I don't know. 57 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,566 Take it. Please. 58 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,568 How'd you find it? 59 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,570 I didn't find it. 60 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,539 You found it. 61 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,743 * 62 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,050 Hey. Hey. 63 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,385 What you writing? 64 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:06,153 Um, it's my wedding day. 65 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,488 What do you think I'm writing? 66 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,489 Suicide note? 67 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,658 Hey-yo! (laughs) 68 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,226 Oh, God, is it a suicide note? 69 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,395 Oh, my God, how many pills did you take? 70 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,029 Quick. How do we make him vomit? 71 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,198 Uh, remind him he's getting married. Hey-yo! 72 00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,000 (laughs) Wait. Now I'm confused. 73 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,569 Are you dying? 74 00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,170 I'm writing my vows to Robin, 75 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,773 but I want them to be profound and inspiring, 76 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,941 as if they were written by the bard himself, 77 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:30,043 Lionel Richie. 78 00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,011 Then why did you wait 79 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,680 until right before the wedding to compose them? 80 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:33,881 I didn't. I've been trying 81 00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,516 to get these right for weeks. Oh. 82 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,117 This is a lot of vows. 83 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,453 Vow-za. 84 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,188 I'll say it again. Vow-za. 85 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,890 Are you really gonna read all of these? 86 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,958 Yeah, uh, wouldn't it be better to project them 87 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,193 as a VowerPoint presentation? 88 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,128 (clicks tongue) Say it again. VowerPoint... 89 00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:50,264 I know it's a lot, but I-I don't 90 00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:52,633 want to screw up this wedding thing. 91 00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:55,202 "I vow to love you forever unconditionally, 92 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,038 "unless you pudge out, in which case 93 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,074 I'm a Barney-shaped hole in the wall." 94 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,076 "I vow to start watching hockey with you..." 95 00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:04,044 Oh, that one's sweet. 96 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,813 I know how much you hate hockey. 97 00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,047 "...once a month." 98 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,549 But it's still a nice gesture. 99 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,117 "No. Once a year. No. Hockey's dumb. 100 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:12,052 "Not watching it, and neither are you, woman. 101 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:12,953 Now make me French toast." 102 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,655 I'll put this in the maybe pile. 103 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,925 Look, if you're having trouble, 104 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,727 you've got two expert vow consultants 105 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,462 standing right in front of you. 106 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,464 Yeah. We can show you vow it's done. 107 00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,567 Say it again. Vow it's done... 108 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,102 We're just not enjoying them, honey. 109 00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:31,405 I am not gonna take marriage advice from a couple 110 00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:33,140 who just got in a gigantic fight. 111 00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,842 I'm doing fine on my own. 112 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,410 No, you're not. 113 00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:40,113 All of these vows are selfish and way too easy to keep. 114 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:42,683 Wedding vows need to be real commitments, 115 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:43,984 like our vows. 116 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,185 Poppycock! 117 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,487 What are you talking about? 118 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,689 I remember your precious wedding vows, 119 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:51,992 and I guarantee you've broken every single one of them. 120 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,461 Vow dare you! 121 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:54,528 Just stop. 122 00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:57,631 I can't. It's invowluntary. 123 00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,500 (knocking) Yeah. 124 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,301 Hey. You asked for me? 125 00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,203 Look what Barney just gave me. 126 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,173 No way! 127 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,476 See? Barney came through. 128 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,943 There's your sign. 129 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,345 You're good to go. 130 00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,146 Where'd you find the locket, Ted? 131 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,523 Where did you find the locket? 132 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,358 Me? Why-why are you asking me? 133 00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:26,126 Barney found it. Ask him. 134 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,728 What, you lost a locket? 135 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,030 Barney wouldn't tell me how he found it, 136 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,800 which made me realize it had to be you. 137 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,802 (laughs): Okay. 138 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,837 I'll embarrass him. 139 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,006 Your fiancé got a metal detector 140 00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:42,042 and scoured a 10,000-square-foot grid around that carousel. 141 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:44,011 Guess where he found it. 142 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:46,480 The nest of a mama pigeon. 143 00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:49,316 (laughs): Barney had to wrestle it away from four baby pigeons. 144 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,084 But here's where the story gets bittersweet. 145 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:54,154 I lied. Barney said it was in Marshall and Lily's basement. 146 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,825 But do you still want to finish your little pigeon story? 147 00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,760 The mama pigeon gets killed by a cab. 148 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,095 Barney still goes back to the park every day 149 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,797 to feed the babies. The end. 150 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,800 Tell me the truth. 151 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,870 Okay, I-I tracked it down, 152 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:12,072 and I gave it to Barney to give to you. 153 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,574 Honestly, it was no big deal. 154 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:14,675 How did you find it? 155 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,044 Psh. How does anybody find anything? 156 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,278 You hear it might be in your 157 00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:19,580 race car pencil box. It's not there. 158 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:20,848 So you swing by your ex-fiancée's 159 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:21,915 storage locker on the opposite coast. 160 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:22,950 It's not there. 161 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,618 You learn Victoria has it in Germany, 162 00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:26,286 but Jeanette intercepts it, throws it in Central Park Lake. 163 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,055 It's a nice day for a swim, so what the heck? 164 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,890 You dive in, scoop it up, make it home in time for Jeopardy! 165 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:30,991 Ease to the pease. Happy wedding. 166 00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:37,965 You're seriously questioning our wedding vows? 167 00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:40,300 Us? Uh, we're adorable. 168 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:43,236 We're Marshmallow and Lilypad, bitch. 169 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,105 Okay, I'll give you this. 170 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,941 Your little pre-wedding wedding out by the tree-- 171 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,243 you said some very sweet stuff. 172 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,279 Hell, Ted even cried. 173 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:53,080 (scoffs) 174 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,147 Ted. 175 00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,485 But later, at the actual wedding... 176 00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,052 Lily Aldrin, 177 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:02,756 I vow to be there for you in sickness and in health. 178 00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,124 Hate to tell you, Lilypad, 179 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,993 but Marshall has since confessed to me 180 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,061 that en route to your honeymoon... 181 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,430 (retching): Oh. Oh, God. 182 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,134 (snoring) 183 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,003 You son of a beech. You son of a beech. 184 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,337 Do you deny it? 185 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,774 Lily, you know I'm not a vomit guy, 186 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,442 and I just thought I should give you your space. 187 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,777 Like a dying cat. 188 00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,078 Oh, yeah, that saves it. 189 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,279 I'm so sorry I let you down. 190 00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:28,348 Hang on there, Marshmallow. 191 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,918 Remember when the blushing bride said... 192 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,121 I vow to honor and respect you. 193 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,590 Maybe she was blushing because she was lying her ass off. 194 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,091 Not two months later... 195 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,827 Shh. Okay. Okay. 196 00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:44,131 Hey, not cool! 197 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:47,668 You will not take a picture of my husband like that! 198 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:50,704 (laughter) 199 00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:51,972 (camera clicks) 200 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,273 MARSHALL: You took part 201 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,776 in the bearded Wonder Woman incident of 2007? 202 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,178 Lily, that photo got all over Friendster 203 00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:02,049 and Myspace and... man, 2007 was a long time ago. 204 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,151 Ted, I can't believe 205 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,286 how much trouble you went through to get this for me. 206 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,988 It really wasn't that much trouble. 207 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,089 Yes, it was. 208 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,959 You always go big for me. 209 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,894 Not as big as Barney. 210 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:16,029 Canadian rehearsal dinner on ice-- big. 211 00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:18,065 The way he proposed-- huge. 212 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,032 Yeah, but think about it. 213 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,500 Those are the most loving things 214 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,169 that Barney has ever done for me, 215 00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,336 and they're all based on lies. 216 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,639 Right down to taking credit for this locket. 217 00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,007 That's not fair. 218 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,141 I told Barney to take credit for it. 219 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,043 Which he did without blinking an eye. 220 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:30,978 Because lying 221 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,580 is second nature to Barney. 222 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:33,881 Everything's legendary. 223 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,315 You know what "legendary" means? 224 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,717 Not real. 225 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,852 I mean, the man's initials are "B.S." 226 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:42,222 If it helps, I'm pretty sure Barney Stinson's a fake name. 227 00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,558 I'm kidding. 228 00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:47,995 You're the one who always comes through for me, Ted. 229 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,564 The one who's there for me. 230 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,034 Maybe I'm making a mistake. 231 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,737 Wait. What-what are you saying? 232 00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,641 Maybe I should be marrying you. 233 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,745 Wait. I know one vow we kept. 234 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:08,949 I vow to make you breakfast in bed every Sunday morning. 235 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:09,950 Really? You still do that? 236 00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:12,419 Absolutely. 237 00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:15,055 (baby crying) 238 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,090 MARSHALL: Heads up! 239 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:21,061 Oh! No cream cheese? 240 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,197 Oh. 241 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,533 BARNEY: Oh! 242 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,401 You feed her like Sloth from Goonies. 243 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,103 So the magic's still there. 244 00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,271 Well, here's one 245 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,273 you definitely didn't keep. 246 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:37,144 I vow to keep the romantic spark alive. 247 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,479 And how is that going for you these days? 248 00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:40,981 MARSHALL: Are you watching Marvin? 249 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,382 I'm trimming my nose hair. 250 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,817 LILY: I'm dumping out. 251 00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,552 I watched him all morning, Lily. 252 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,887 I need a break. 253 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,956 I don't control when my deuces happen, Marshall. 254 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,991 Deuces are wild! 255 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,093 (laughing) 256 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,261 Ted, 257 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,429 I should be with you. 258 00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,298 NARRATOR: There it was-- the words 259 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,068 that some deep, dark part of me always wanted to hear. 260 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,269 But it's funny. 261 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,404 Once you actually hear those words out loud... 262 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,139 I don't want to hear that. 263 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,274 We should get out of here. 264 00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:10,110 You and me right now. We'll... 265 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,912 We'll move to Chicago. W-We'll start a new life. 266 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,080 It'll-it'll be painful at first, 267 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,447 but, hell, I can root for the Blackhawks. 268 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:15,816 Stop! Stop! 269 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,918 You're just saying this because you're scared. 270 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,453 I am not your future. Barney is. 271 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:24,024 Shouldn't I be with the guy who finds me my locket? 272 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:27,127 The guy who steals me the blue French horn. 273 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,096 I mean, look me in the eye and tell me, 274 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,764 why shouldn't I be with that guy? 275 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:33,867 Because I'm not that guy anymore. 276 00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:37,337 Then why did you work so hard to find me my locket? 277 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,172 It... it was a wedding gift. 278 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,108 Ted, stop it, okay? I know you better than that. 279 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,043 This is more than a wedding gift. 280 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:46,346 Maybe it started out that way. Maybe some part of me thought... 281 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:48,982 That you still loved me. 282 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,217 Maybe. 283 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,052 But the truth is... 284 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,921 I don't love you like that anymore. 285 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,189 And you don't love me. 286 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,390 You love Barney. 287 00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:58,859 And if you think 288 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,962 I would ever be part of screwing that up, 289 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,965 then maybe you don't know me at all, Robin. 290 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,533 (groans) 291 00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,168 I... I can't shake it. 292 00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,037 I-I can't shake this feeling 293 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:13,340 that nothing about me and Barney makes any sense. 294 00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,575 But love doesn't make sense. 295 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:16,710 I mean, you can't 296 00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:18,712 logic your way into or out of it. 297 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:22,549 Love is totally nonsensical, but we have to keep doing it 298 00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:25,552 or else we're lost and-and love is dead 299 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,821 and humanity should just pack it in. 300 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,623 Because love is the best thing we do. 301 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:35,095 Look, I know that sounds cheesy, but it's-it's just true. 302 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:39,032 You love Barney, and-and he loves you. 303 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,769 And that doesn't have to make sense 304 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,570 to make sense. 305 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:50,110 Remember back when you had never even seen me pee? 306 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:52,112 Yeah. Yeah. 307 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,847 Oh, sorry. 308 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,115 We were so innocent then. 309 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,750 So many dreams. 310 00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:58,518 Trying to work over here. 311 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,087 Bright, shimmering future ahead. 312 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,090 Now we're basically a couple of wild animals 313 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:05,592 grunting at each other to throw some toilet paper 314 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:08,028 through the crack in the bathroom door. 315 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,596 Baby, let's be honest. 316 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:14,134 At this point, that door is wide open. 317 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,103 You know what you should use the next time you run out 318 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,938 of toilet paper? Your wedding vows. 319 00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,272 'Cause that's all your marriage has been, 320 00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:21,708 one long six-year wipe 321 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,044 after that double-flusher of a wedding. 322 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,612 Stinson out! 323 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,049 You okay? 324 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,150 Yeah. 325 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,985 You're right. I'm-I'm being insane. 326 00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,153 Oh, come on, Robin. 327 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:36,056 That's... accurate. 328 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,124 (chuckles) 329 00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,792 We can't run away together. 330 00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:40,794 (chuckles) Of course not. 331 00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:42,996 So I'm just gonna run away alone! 332 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,969 (panting) 333 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,005 Damn it. 334 00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:54,107 (panting) 335 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,442 (yelps) Whoa! 336 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:58,178 NARRATOR: And that's how Robin met your mother. 337 00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:06,319 Wait, what are we doing here? 338 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:08,755 Lily, our-our wedding vows, 339 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,258 maybe they were just too perfect for real life. 340 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,027 Real life is messier than that, and... 341 00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:16,964 we're different people than we were in 2007. 342 00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:18,131 But that's okay. 343 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,968 Maybe we just need some updated vows. 344 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,635 So I thought maybe before this place 345 00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:26,739 gets too busy, we could... borrow this altar for a minute. 346 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,279 Lily Aldrin, 347 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:36,149 I vow to stop shouting stuff at you when you're dumping out. 348 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,450 You're the love of my life, 349 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:40,187 and you deserve to make a deuce in peace. 350 00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,124 I vow to stop pointing out every dog erection we see 351 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,725 when we walk through the park, 352 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:48,128 even though they are incredibly weird looking. 353 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,597 Oh, just don't point and scream "Maybe it's Maybelline." 354 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,534 Marshall Eriksen, I vow to always tell you 355 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,037 when you have green stuff in your teeth. 356 00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,039 You have green stuff in your teeth. 357 00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,307 Oh. (chuckles) 358 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,977 I vow to always sit next to you and hug you, 359 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,146 even if you're covered in vomit, 360 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:06,980 whether it's yours 361 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,982 or Marvin's or-- 362 00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:12,052 in the case of what came to be known as Spew Year's Eve 1998-- 363 00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,654 my own. Sorry. 364 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,356 I vow to stop getting so angry... 365 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:17,390 Ooh, I just thought of another one. 366 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:18,425 ...when you interrupt me. 367 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,093 Mine was to interrupt you less, 368 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,428 so that's good. 369 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,564 I vow... 370 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:27,867 to finally stop petitioning Paul McCartney 371 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:30,870 to let Weird Al record "Chicken Pot Pie" 372 00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:34,107 to the tune of "Live and Let Die." 373 00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:35,943 It's over. 374 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,377 I'll let it go. 375 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,579 I vow... 376 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:42,749 to cry less during this pregnancy. 377 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:45,218 I vow to cry less during this Vikings season. 378 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:48,055 Mm, with that secondary, I wouldn't make that promise. 379 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:51,424 I vow to keep at least 80% of these vows. 380 00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,193 That seems high. 381 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,396 And I vow to keep updating them as we go. 382 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,132 Because one set of vows, 383 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:02,069 it can't cover a lifetime of growing 384 00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:04,271 and changing with you, 385 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,007 of raising children with you... 386 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,945 ...falling more and more in love with you every day, 387 00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:14,982 Lily Aldrin, which is what I vow to do 388 00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:16,950 for the rest of my life. 389 00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:21,088 Crap. I already broke my crying vow. 390 00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:22,855 I'll forgive you. 391 00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,801 I am so sorry. Are you okay? Oh... 392 00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,603 That was totally my fault. 393 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,305 No. The bride is always right. It was my fault. 394 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:39,439 Are you okay? 395 00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,441 I'm fine. 396 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,910 Are you sure? 397 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,478 Because you were sprinting 398 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,747 from a church in a wedding dress. 399 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,016 And as a kid, 400 00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,984 I was a bit of a detective... 401 00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:52,019 (chuckles): so... 402 00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:54,354 Um... 403 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:57,024 to be honest, I'm-I'm wondering if this... 404 00:15:57,057 --> 00:16:00,827 whole getting married thing is something I can go through with. 405 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:03,296 Oh. 406 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,965 Wow. 407 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,201 That's it? 408 00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,370 Aren't you supposed to talk me out of it? 409 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,306 Tell me it's just cold feet? I'm-I'm being crazy? 410 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:16,043 Okay, during that fall, we did kind of get to second base 411 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,710 with each other-- and we'll always share that-- 412 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:20,213 but I don't really know you. 413 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:21,514 So... 414 00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:22,849 here's all I'll say: 415 00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,117 when I'm overwhelmed, 416 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:26,019 I force myself to do one simple thing 417 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,521 before I have to make a decision: 418 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:32,892 close my eyes and take three deep breaths. 419 00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:35,228 Three deep breaths. Mm-hmm. 420 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:38,898 Sometimes even three deep breaths can change everything. 421 00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,944 (breathing deeply) 422 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,190 Barney? 423 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:04,991 Hey, I've been looking for you. You okay? 424 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,994 Uh... yeah. I-I was just talking to the... 425 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:11,564 the band about the... thing with the stuff. 426 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,266 What are those? 427 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,401 My vows. 428 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,504 I-I know it's bad luck to see the bride 429 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,507 right before the ceremony, but I realized something. 430 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:23,376 Marshall and Lily have broken most of their wedding vows, 431 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,112 but they're still the best couple I know. 432 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,114 I think their biggest problem 433 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,716 was that Marshall didn't tell Lily the truth. 434 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,119 So... 435 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:37,023 I've decided to make only one vow to you, 436 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:41,060 because it's the only one that really counts. 437 00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:42,995 Robin Scherbatsky... 438 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,533 ...from this day forward, 439 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,136 I am always gonna be honest with you. 440 00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:51,938 'Cause I love you. 441 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:54,741 I'll see you up there. 442 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:58,311 Oh. 443 00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,147 Ted got that locket for you. 444 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,249 He's the one you should thank. 445 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,120 Barney, wait. 446 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:21,634 (Pachelbel's Canon in D playing) 447 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,006 (quietly): What is it? 448 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,941 The cornflower blue tie. 449 00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:30,543 That's the one I should be wearing. 450 00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,980 It's right by my bed. Back in Manhattan. 451 00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:36,115 Stall for me. I'll be back in six hours, tops. 452 00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,087 That's all of 'em! 453 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,289 Wow. 454 00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:43,190 Wait. 455 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:44,991 I'm free. 456 00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:46,826 It's over. 457 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:49,996 The slap bet is finally... over? 458 00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:52,131 Yeah, it is, buddy. 459 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,334 (exhales) Thank you. 460 00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,472 You know, this may sound crazy, 461 00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,140 but I'm gonna miss that slap bet. 462 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,809 No, you won't. No, you're right. I won't. 463 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:05,044 (Handel's "Hornpipe" from Water Music playing) 464 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:26,866 Hi. 465 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,000 Hi. 466 00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,903 You've never looked more beautiful, Robin. 467 00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,072 Nobody asked you, Patrice. 468 00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:34,674 By the way, 469 00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:38,545 in the interest of honesty, we really do have a ring bear. 470 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:39,779 What? 471 00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:46,353 Oh. I love the ring bear. 472 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:49,756 Then you are gonna love the flower gorilla. 473 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,224 What? Kidding. I'm kidding. 474 00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:53,092 (chuckles) 475 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:54,126 (clears throat) 476 00:19:57,129 --> 00:20:01,501 * If I ever were to lose you... * 477 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,770 NARRATOR: Kids, I won't lie, 478 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,405 that was a long weekend. 479 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,942 More ups and downs than I can count. 480 00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:14,947 * I've not found by myself... 481 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,949 It was a twisting, 482 00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:19,552 turning road that led to the end of the aisle, 483 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:23,189 and not everything along the way was perfect. 484 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,757 To be honest, 485 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,026 not everything to follow would be perfect either. 486 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,061 But what is? 487 00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:31,063 Here's the secret, kids: 488 00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:34,601 none of us can vow to be perfect. 489 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:37,537 In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other 490 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,038 with everything we've got. 491 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:43,042 * 'Cause I can see 492 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,144 * Our future days... 493 00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,614 Because love's the best thing we do. 494 00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:51,418 * Days of you and me... 495 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:56,323 And on that lovely spring evening, 496 00:20:56,356 --> 00:21:00,126 that's exactly what Barney and Robin vowed to each other. 497 00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:03,162 And it was legendary.