1 00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:10,044 TED: Hi. 2 00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:12,713 Hi. 3 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,182 Okay. 4 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:15,583 (chuckles) 5 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,387 So I thought we'd... try this new restaurant. 6 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,055 It's right around the corner from here. 7 00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,590 It's Scottish-Mexican fusion. 8 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,092 Scottish-Mexican fusion? 9 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:25,693 Scottish-Mexican fusion. 10 00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:28,096 That would seem like two things that do not fuse. 11 00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:29,763 Perhaps you'll change your mind when you try 12 00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:31,232 their signature haggis enchiladas. 13 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,700 (laughs) Okay. (chuckles) 14 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:35,369 All right. Yeah, come on. Lead the way. 15 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:38,172 I was surprised when you called. 16 00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:39,673 Isn't there some universal guy rule 17 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,009 where you have to wait four days to call a girl? 18 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,044 That... does not ring a bell. 19 00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,446 And it's three days. 20 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:46,780 (laughs) 21 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,116 Here we are. 22 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:50,451 (bagpipes and trumpets playing mariachi music) 23 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,087 Uh, I did not realize there would be live music. 24 00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:55,289 So, uh, should we... 25 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:56,524 Eat anywhere but here? 26 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,092 (laughs): Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 27 00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,927 Besides, I'm sure we can find a place 28 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,195 where we don't need reservations. 29 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:02,630 Oh, you think it's just that easy? 30 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,932 Just stroll in off the street and get a meal? 31 00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:08,736 Well, let me tell you the tale of Gary Blauman. 32 00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:10,138 There's the blushing bride! 33 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,772 Oh! 34 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,141 Gary Blauman! 35 00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,575 How are you?! 36 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,444 Uh, duh, like I need to ask. 37 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,911 You're getting married. 38 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,047 Well, don't let me keep you. You have things to do. 39 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,983 I will see you walking down the aisle. 40 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:26,254 I'll be the guy in the eighth row going like this. 41 00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:28,956 (laughs) Right?! Right. 42 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,324 Good luck today! Thank you. 43 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:31,859 Okay. (chuckles) 44 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,295 Hey, there's the blushing bride... 45 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:35,496 Code red! 46 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,778 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, 47 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,079 oh, my God! Why the code red? 48 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,248 I mean, if it's... if it's about your hair, 49 00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:56,317 I didn't even notice; especially not from the back. 50 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,586 What? Nothing. 51 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,621 Gary Blauman is here, and I had no idea he was coming. 52 00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,323 His reply card must've gotten lost in the mail. 53 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,624 I mean, where's he gonna sit? 54 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,959 It took us weeks to plan the seating chart! 55 00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,928 Robin. 56 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,029 Shh. 57 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:12,099 I got you. Huh? 58 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,967 You're talking to the seating chart master. 59 00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:16,837 At my own wedding, I managed to sit small-town Minnesotans 60 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:20,608 right next to liberal New Yorkers with grace and aplomb. 61 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,711 Table 27 still gets together once a year for a reunion. 62 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:26,046 Perhaps you've seen their photos on Facebook. 63 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:29,617 Like I said... 64 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,018 (whispers): I got you. 65 00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,052 Thanks, Marshall. 66 00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:35,956 (door closes) 67 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:39,059 Code red! 68 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,528 Grandma's sitting next to the band, 69 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,996 divorced couple sitting one table away from each other, 70 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,065 no coherent singles table. 71 00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:47,167 This is the Robin's hair of seating charts. 72 00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,168 Singles tables are cruel. 73 00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:49,903 I mean, what if you went to a wedding 74 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,405 and there was a table of all fat guys? 75 00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:53,140 That would be awesome. You're right, it would. 76 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,808 Let's crack this Gary Blauman nut first, 77 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,544 and then we'll work on the fat guy table. 78 00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,812 Wait, did you say Gary Blauman? 79 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,681 Yeah. Why? 80 00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:04,084 I... hate... that guy. 81 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,152 Why? 82 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,654 Remember a few years ago 83 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,589 when I read that biography of Teddy Roosevelt? 84 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,224 For weeks after I read it, 85 00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:13,327 I only wanted to talk about one thing. 86 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:16,530 Teddy Roosevelt was the coolest guy ever! 87 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:17,698 (others grumbling) 88 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,867 Oh, that's it! No more books, Ted. 89 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,503 I don't like the person you become when you read books. 90 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,705 Here's the deal: you get to tell us one more 91 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,074 interesting fact about Teddy Roosevelt. 92 00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,377 One more, and then you're done forever. 93 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,944 So make it a good one. 94 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,080 Okay. 95 00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:35,916 He went blind in one eye... 96 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:38,319 from getting hit too hard in a boxing match... 97 00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:41,088 ...while he was president! 98 00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:42,256 That's a pretty good one. Wow. 99 00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,457 That is kind of... 100 00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,058 Right?! Oh, and when he was at Harvard... 101 00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:47,060 No! No! Shut up! Oh, my God! Please! 102 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,062 TED: Well, one night, we were throwing a party 103 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,532 to celebrate... something-- 104 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,033 I-I can't remember what-- 105 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,035 when a pretty girl I had never met 106 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,737 noticed the book on the coffee table. 107 00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,706 I can't believe you have this book. 108 00:03:58,739 --> 00:03:59,907 I just finished reading it. 109 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:03,411 Teddy Roosevelt was the coolest guy ever. 110 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,413 A unicorn. 111 00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,714 I couldn't believe it. 112 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,382 It was a stroke of luck on par 113 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,951 with the 50-page manuscript in Roosevelt's breast pocket 114 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,153 that helped slow that would-be assassin's bullet. 115 00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:13,921 Dude, come on. 116 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,456 Sorry. Anyway... 117 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:17,958 enter Gary Blauman. 118 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,594 Is that the Teddy Roosevelt biography? 119 00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:22,330 Coolest guy ever. 120 00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:24,632 Right? Right? 121 00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,099 Right? Right? 122 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,969 Right? Right? Right? 123 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,339 So the three of us started talking Teddy Roosevelt. 124 00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,273 When he took that four-minute flight 125 00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,508 on the Wright brother's plane? 126 00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:35,809 So cool. 127 00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:37,645 The time he climbed the tallest mountain 128 00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,313 in Europe on his honeymoon. 129 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,614 So cool. 130 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,182 And that's when I realized, 131 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,284 Blauman and I were locked in a battle of wills 132 00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:46,454 that made T.R.'s charge up San Juan Hill 133 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,155 look like a walk in the park. 134 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,023 Or should I say, in the national park, 135 00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:51,191 since it was Roosevelt 136 00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:52,693 who spearheaded the establishment... 137 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,695 Dude, come on. I gave you one. 138 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,598 The battle raged on. 139 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,633 In a way, he was... 140 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:03,704 ALL: ...the archetype of the modern politician! 141 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:04,705 (all laugh) 142 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,206 TED: Dude, knock it off. 143 00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:08,041 GARY: Knock what off, bro? 144 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,009 This is my apartment, 145 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,010 my Teddy Roosevelt conversation, 146 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,612 I get the girl. 147 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,047 Oh, so the fact that you're the incumbent means 148 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,048 she should just pick you? 149 00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,050 Tell that to William Howard Taft. 150 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:19,687 You're calling me Taft? 151 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,522 If anyone's Taft, you're Taft! 152 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,391 I'm not Taft! I'm Teddy! 153 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,459 The hell you are. My name is Ted! 154 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:28,696 Yeah, right. Go sign the Payne-Aldrich Tariff Act, Taft! 155 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,031 (gasps) How dare you? 156 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,801 Skinny-dipping in the Potomac River. 157 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,302 (all laugh) 158 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,071 TED: And so the standoff continued, hours passed... 159 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:40,073 then days. 160 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:42,510 Days passed? Days passed. 161 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:46,013 Finally, a T.R. stricken by tropical fever 162 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:49,517 on his Amazon trek, we could go no further. 163 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,985 When he was Assistant Secretary of the Navy... 164 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,587 Will you just pick one of us already 165 00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:55,456 so I can either have sex or go to sleep! 166 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,927 Smooth, bro. 167 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,530 After that day, I have never liked that guy. 168 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,598 So let's just tell Robin this can't be done, 169 00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:06,199 and send Gary Blauman packing. 170 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:07,735 LILY: Did you just say 171 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,236 Gary Blauman? 172 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,103 Yeah. 173 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,573 I... 174 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,274 love that guy! 175 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,876 What?! He's the devil! 176 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,778 He's an angel. 177 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:20,881 It was 2006, Marshall and I had broken up, 178 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,016 and I was back in New York feeling vulnerable 179 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,519 and listening to my breakup song over and over. 180 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:27,755 Sugar Ray's "Fly." You know it. 181 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,523 Man, you know nothing about breakups. 182 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:30,958 I really don't. 183 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,461 Anyway, then I hit bottom. 184 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:34,695 There's a bottom below Sugar Ray? 185 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,296 Mm. 186 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,298 What?! 187 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,267 Why have I never seen that before? 188 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,535 I've been using cover-up 189 00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,937 and strategically placed straps for a long time 190 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,806 to keep this puppy quiet. 191 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,075 After all the times you guys made fun of me 192 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,443 for my breakup butterfly tattoo? 193 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,579 (Lily and Marshall snicker) 194 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,914 Oh, the fact that Ted got a butterfly tattoo, 195 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,116 will you ever stop being hilarious? 196 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,951 So why is it only half a butterfly? 197 00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:01,555 Because Gary Blauman saw me in the tattoo parlor, 198 00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,957 dragged me out and talked some sense into me. 199 00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:05,959 Lily, trust me, 200 00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:07,961 you and Marshall are going to get back together. 201 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:11,064 And when you do, you will be so glad you did not get 202 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,800 the other half of that butterfly. 203 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:16,804 Actually, I was gonna get a little more than the butterfly. 204 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:22,009 It's good that I ran into you. 205 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,344 Marshall, Blauman saved you from a lifetime 206 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:27,414 of looking at Sugar Ray every time we do it on your birthday. 207 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,949 Find him a nice seat. 208 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,251 No, no, do not find him a seat. 209 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,020 I'm telling you, this guy... You find him a nice... 210 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,421 Neither of us was gonna back down, 211 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,924 so finally we decided to take it to the groom. 212 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:37,925 (gasps) 213 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,827 Wh-What's going on? Shh! 214 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:40,861 Wha...? 215 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:44,965 Who's that guy? 216 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:47,000 It's my ex-boyfriend. 217 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,775 So, we're crouching behind a van, 218 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,276 hiding from your ex-boyfriend. 219 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,146 Forgive me, I'm a little bit of a detective. 220 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,714 It was a bad breakup? 221 00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:01,982 Pretty bad. 222 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,051 Bad like there was a big fight? 223 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,119 Bad like there was a big ring. 224 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,355 Bad like this happened in the past year? 225 00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:11,291 Bad like it happened Saturday. 226 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,293 So bad. 227 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,394 Yeah. 228 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,498 Okay, he's gone. 229 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:22,302 I'm so sorry, Ted. 230 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,138 I really like you, but I'm-I'm in 231 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,975 the weirdest place on Earth right now. 232 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,476 You're in a Scottish-Mexican restaurant? 233 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,678 (laughs) 234 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:31,845 Yup. 235 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:34,014 Yeah, I am. 236 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:38,051 It's just too soon for me to be dating. 237 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:39,887 I think I should head home. 238 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,390 Well, want me to walk with you? 239 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:46,159 Lots of scary ex-boyfriends in this neighborhood. 240 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,728 Sure. 241 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,363 I do want to hear the rest of that story. 242 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:52,165 Right, right the story. 243 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,066 Yeah. 244 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,503 So, we decided to take it to the groom. 245 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,038 Did you say Gary Blauman? 246 00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,239 Yeah. 247 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,540 Gary Blauman? 248 00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:01,408 Yes. 249 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:04,544 Blauman... comma, Gary? 250 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,914 Point, comma, get to the damn. 251 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,482 I... 252 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,258 love... 253 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,393 that we have the opportunity to destroy 254 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:23,631 Gary Blauman's weekend by kicking him out of the wedding! 255 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,967 Yes! Gary Blauman Haters' Club right here! 256 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,769 What that guy did to me. 257 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:31,304 Oh... God! 258 00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:32,405 It makes me 259 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,642 furious to this day! 260 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,110 Okay, okay, I'm gonna try and tell this story 261 00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:38,545 without completely losing it. 262 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,648 Ready? Okay, here goes. 263 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,149 I was at the... (growls) 264 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:44,317 (growls) 265 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:47,154 Nope, not gonna happen. Give me a second. 266 00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,588 Ooh! Ooh! 267 00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:50,157 I was at the bar. 268 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,059 Hey, Barney! 269 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,460 What's up, Blauman? Have a seat. 270 00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:54,828 Oh, thanks. 271 00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:57,130 Your fries. Need anything? 272 00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,966 I'm good, thanks. 273 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,802 Oh, but he was not good, thanks. 274 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:04,171 He was not good, thanks, at all! 275 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:07,174 Oh, what? Did he take one of your fries? 276 00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,608 Take one? 277 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,344 Take one? 278 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,113 Lily, it would have been one thing 279 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,949 if he took one of my fries; that would have been one thing. 280 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,819 No, Lily, that day, 281 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,854 Blauman took... 282 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,927 ...four of my fries! 283 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,296 But that's not even the capper! 284 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,799 Here's the part that still keeps me up at night: 285 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,701 the fourth fry he took... 286 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,103 (yells): the fourth fry he took... 287 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:39,172 (grunting) 288 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:40,808 Buddy, you oka... you okay? 289 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:43,376 (grunting) 290 00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:45,879 The fourth fry he took... 291 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,718 ...was an accidental curly. 292 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,019 (both gasp) 293 00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,866 You don't take a man's accidental curly. 294 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,000 MARSHALL: You take a man's wife 295 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,402 before you take his accidental curly. 296 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:10,170 LILY: If you wanted 297 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,139 curly fries so bad, 298 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,474 why not just order them in the first place? 299 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,642 (laughs) Yeah, yeah, yeah. 300 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,877 'Cause that's what you want. 301 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,712 All curly fries. (laughs) 302 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:21,314 Regular cut with a few accidental curlies. 303 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,682 That's what you want. 304 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,017 That's the dream. He's right. 305 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,153 That is the dream. No! 306 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,355 I refuse to look down from the altar 307 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:31,424 as I say my vowels to the woman of my dreams, 308 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:34,728 and see that damned, stupid, 309 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,696 accidental-curly- fry-stealing 310 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,665 Gary Blauman! 311 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,867 Did you say Gary Blauman? 312 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,070 I... 313 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,671 hate... 314 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,039 to disagree with Barney. 315 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,441 But I love that guy! 316 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:51,211 I just met him earlier today. 317 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,780 Oh, my gosh! 318 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:53,881 It's you. 319 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,082 Yeah. 320 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:57,117 You're the poet William Zabka. 321 00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:01,088 Nobody ever recognizes me for my poetry. 322 00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,923 He has all six of my collections. 323 00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:04,958 When Terry Gross interviewed me 324 00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:06,994 on Fresh Air he listened live. 325 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,097 Gary Blauman rules! 326 00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:11,298 Gary Blauman? 327 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,567 I... 328 00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:16,503 hate... 329 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,639 ...that I once thought I loved Gary Blauman. 330 00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:22,109 Ooh, this sounds good. 331 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:25,045 Gary's the guy that I had an affair with. 332 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:28,715 Tom found out, threw me out of the house. 333 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,785 Now the kids are from a broken home. 334 00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:35,122 Because of Gary Blauman, everything that matters to me 335 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,090 is gone. 336 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,895 I got that beat. 337 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,230 So, I was ordering these fries... 338 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,798 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 339 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:45,799 Blauman's gay? 340 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:46,934 Well... 341 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,568 then that means that night, 342 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:52,472 the real battle was between Blauman 343 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:54,341 and the girl. 344 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,644 And the prize... was this guy. 345 00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,146 (all groaning) 346 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,413 Keep telling yourself that, buddy. 347 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,182 I don't want to see Gary Blauman at my brother's wedding. 348 00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:04,351 Neither do I! I'm the brother in question! Now, now, hold on. 349 00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:07,254 (all arguing) 350 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,489 Order! Order! 351 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,325 Robin put this on my plate, and so I'll make the decision. 352 00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:15,028 Now, let's take a short recess. 353 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,029 Everybody out. 354 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:17,364 Okay. 355 00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:20,333 Lily, out of court settlement. 356 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:23,103 Drop this whole thing, and I'll give you ten bucks. 357 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,804 No. 358 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,476 I can't go higher than ten. 359 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,845 (clears throat) 360 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:35,615 I'm ready to give my decision. 361 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,783 This was a tough one. 362 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,451 Lot of good points on both sides. 363 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:41,388 But ultimately... Blauman stays. 364 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,389 Yeah. What in the...? 365 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,857 For one simple reason. 366 00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:47,027 There is a higher law at every wedding. 367 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,462 A law that trumps all other arguments. 368 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,799 When the bride asks for something, she gets it. 369 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:53,666 Yes. 370 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,035 Wow. ZABKA: Good point. 371 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,303 He's right. 372 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,738 This fake court thing is adjourned. 373 00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:01,808 Judged. 374 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,476 Well, I guess let's go find Blauman 375 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,912 and tell him the good news. 376 00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,579 Yeah, about that. Bit of a wrinkle. 377 00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,982 I was just in the hallway, ran into Blauman. 378 00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:10,918 I told him if he didn't leave immediately, 379 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,086 then Billy Zabka was gonna crane-kick him in the face. 380 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,054 What?! 381 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,755 But that's not even my move! 382 00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:16,556 I... 383 00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:17,557 We have to stop him. 384 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:18,992 Barney! I... (sighs) 385 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,760 Come on, come on, come on. 386 00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,095 So, we all run out to the parking lot 387 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:24,531 to stop Gary Blauman from leaving the wedding... 388 00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:27,400 What are you doing? 389 00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,868 This is my place. 390 00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:31,338 Oh. 391 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,040 So, uh... 392 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,976 well, I guess this... this is where I leave you. 393 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,117 This is your place. 394 00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:45,919 Yup. 395 00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:48,755 You sure it's not a few blocks that way? 396 00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:51,058 Nope, it's right here. 397 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,293 It's right where you picked me up. 398 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,962 So it is. 399 00:14:56,964 --> 00:15:00,067 Well... good night. 400 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,134 Good night. 401 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,604 NARRATOR: Eight years earlier, I probably would've given 402 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:05,973 some embarrassing speech, confessed my love 403 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,274 and scared her off. 404 00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:08,976 But I didn't. 405 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,811 Because somehow I just knew this was all gonna work out. 406 00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,313 Ted? Oh, thank God. 407 00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,954 Do you at least want to finish your story? 408 00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:24,224 Right. 409 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,560 So, we all ran out to the parking lot, and... 410 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,829 Blauman, Blauman, I'm sorry. 411 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,898 You can stay. Billy won't kick you in the face. 412 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,066 It's not even my move. 413 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,068 If I was gonna do anything, I'd sweep the leg, 414 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,270 and put you in a body bag; everyone knows that. 415 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:40,007 What...? Is that from one of your poems? 416 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,541 Thank you for that. 417 00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,611 Please stick around, for the bride. 418 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,980 You're not a Taft. Even if you are, 419 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,581 Roosevelt shouldn't have divided the party like that. 420 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,083 I mean, he handed the election to Wilson. 421 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:51,784 Completely, right? Right? Right? 422 00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:52,852 (laughs) 423 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,921 No, wait! No! All right? 424 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:55,955 Forget it! 425 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,758 And, James, I'm sorry 426 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,093 about you and Tom. 427 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:02,529 But you have to stop blaming me for your own decisions. 428 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:06,199 Well, guys, take a good look. 429 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:09,502 This face you won't be seeing again. 430 00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:14,207 Come... 431 00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:15,508 The bri... the bri... 432 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,910 Gary? 433 00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,281 He's really leaving. 434 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,482 Hey, Barney. 435 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,318 You still, uh, have my wedding ring? 436 00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,554 (quietly): Yeah. 437 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,124 I've got some work to do. 438 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,160 Excuse me. 439 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:37,564 Blauman will cool off eventually. 440 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:38,698 We'll see him again. 441 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:39,699 Of course we will. 442 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:40,967 MARSHALL: I don't know. 443 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,236 I mean, we might really never see him again. 444 00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:45,505 Because I remember at our wedding 445 00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,140 looking out and thinking, 446 00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,008 "Man, everyone here means so much to me." 447 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,344 A bunch of those people, 448 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,913 you know, I haven't seen them since. 449 00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,915 NARRATOR: And that's how it goes, kids. 450 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,751 The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies 451 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,753 and partners in crime you love so much 452 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:03,523 when you're young, as the years go by, 453 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,092 you just lose touch. 454 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,096 That being said, 455 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:12,199 I did manage to keep track of a few people. 456 00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:15,202 Carl's still behind the bar at MacLaren's. 457 00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,036 Hey, watch it over there. 458 00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,405 Yeah, watch it over there! 459 00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:20,440 It's become a family business. 460 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,175 Jeanette was arrested for mailing jars of urine 461 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,443 to Val Kilmer. 462 00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:24,744 No, not that Val Kilmer. 463 00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,613 She narrowly avoided prison time, 464 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,616 but did receive mandatory psychological counseling. 465 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:32,519 Hello, handsome. 466 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,722 I should say up front, I'm not allowed to date my... 467 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,056 Oh, what the hell. 468 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:40,260 She and Kevin live in Poughkeepsie now. 469 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:43,062 Ranjit made a couple really good stock picks, and, well, 470 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:45,064 he owns the limo service now. 471 00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,100 Bitterman, get the car. 472 00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:48,868 Getting the car, sir. 473 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,138 Patrice has her own drive-time radio show. 474 00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,106 People call in, she gives advice. 475 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:54,974 ROBIN (over phone): Because sometimes I just feel like 476 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,609 he never listens to me, you know? 477 00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,778 Gosh, caller, that's a real pickle. 478 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,580 You know, my grandma always says... 479 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,815 ROBIN: Damn it, Patrice, I'm not finished! 480 00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:04,984 Sorry, sorry, go on. 481 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,086 William Zabka became the youngest poet ever 482 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:10,056 to win the American Humanities Medal for Literature. 483 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,293 He's currently working on a collection of travel essays. 484 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,162 Hyah! 485 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,130 Zoey pops up in the news every now and then 486 00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:19,466 supporting some cause or another. 487 00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:20,967 It doesn't always go well for her. 488 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,569 The hawk is a majestic creature! 489 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,070 She means you no har... (hawk screeching) 490 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,973 Aah, no! I'm your friend! I'm helping you! 491 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:28,775 Still, it's nice knowing she's out there 492 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,277 fighting the good fight. 493 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:31,811 Scooter's been married for a while. 494 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,346 Apparently, he met a girl at work, 495 00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:34,981 and it was love at first sight. 496 00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:37,984 I guess something about her helped him get over Lily. 497 00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,986 You look beautiful today, Jasmine. 498 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,921 Like every day. 499 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,457 Move. I serve sloppy joe now. 500 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:47,026 Blitz struggled with a gambling addiction for a while. 501 00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:49,962 But after a three-day bender on the same slot machine, 502 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,030 he finally kicked it. 503 00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:53,065 I got to get help. 504 00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:01,174 Yes! (whoops) 505 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,109 Aw, man! 506 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,278 I'm not sure what happened to Blah Blah. 507 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,547 But I'd like to think that wherever she is, she... 508 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:10,149 Carol! Her name was Carol! 509 00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,818 Thank you. 510 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,453 Sandy Rivers' inappropriate office behavior 511 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,223 finally caught up with him, ending his news career... 512 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:17,857 in America. 513 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,892 (speaking Russian) 514 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,071 He hasn't changed. 515 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,541 It took some doing, but James finally convinced Tom 516 00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:36,709 to take him back. 517 00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:40,413 And nobody's happier about it than their kids. 518 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:45,151 Hey, kids, have I ever told you how I met your father? 519 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,519 It was at a party. 520 00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:49,188 And as for Blauman... 521 00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:53,192 Guys, wait! 522 00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:54,527 (car door closes) 523 00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:56,162 I'm sorry for storming off like that. 524 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,697 I don't want to miss this wedding. 525 00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,932 You will be shocked, kids, 526 00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,034 when you discover how easy it is in life 527 00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,036 to part ways with people forever. 528 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:07,106 That's why when you find someone 529 00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:10,943 you want to keep around, you do something about it. 530 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:13,580 So, I guess... 531 00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:15,081 good night. 532 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:19,085 Good night. 533 00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:38,037 Unless... 534 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,072 do you want to walk around some more? 535 00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,474 It's still early. 536 00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:45,412 Sure. 537 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,852 What are you doing? 538 00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:57,657 Remembering this. 539 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:05,765 Come on. 540 00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:06,799 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org