1 00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:04,905 NARRATOR: It was the day of Barney and Robin's wedding, 2 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,307 and a surprise guest had just arrived. 3 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,709 ROBIN: Mom, I-I can't believe you're here. 4 00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:09,810 How did you get here? 5 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,045 On a plane. 6 00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:14,182 With your fear of flying? What, did the plane drive here? 7 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,817 (laughs) I've made enormous strides 8 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,919 since you last saw me, dear. 9 00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:20,854 This is nice. (chuckles) 10 00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:22,890 I don't love flying, I must admit. 11 00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,059 I haven't been on a plane in years, but... 12 00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:26,994 maybe this won't be such a bad... 13 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,996 PILOT: Ladies and gentlemen, we are cleared for takeoff. 14 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,832 (screams) We're all gonna die! 15 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,767 We're all gonna die! 16 00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,069 (screaming) 17 00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:37,671 During the flight, I'll admit, 18 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:40,274 I-I had a few... difficult moments, 19 00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,375 but, you know, 20 00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,077 by the time we'd landed... 21 00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:44,578 Here already. 22 00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:48,949 Well, I have to say, it wasn't so dreadful after all. 23 00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:52,086 Oh, I do apologize if I caused any distress. 24 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,356 And, oh, I'm terribly sorry about the door. 25 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:58,926 I had no idea it would fly off like that. 26 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,861 Please, please send me a bill, 27 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,063 because I'd like to replace it. 28 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,567 I'll be taking the train home. 29 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:25,153 Well, it's official: I'm gonna be 30 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,121 Judge Marshall Eriksen. 31 00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:28,922 That is great. 32 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,159 Can you help me get a driver's license? 33 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,960 A what? 34 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,395 Marshall, you, uh, you don't sound 35 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:35,829 too excited to become a judge. 36 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,598 (sighs) I feel kind of guilty about it. 37 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,168 I mean, I know how badly Lily wanted to move to Italy. 38 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:41,602 Don't do this, bro. 39 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,171 Classic mistake. 40 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,672 You won-- enjoy it. 41 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:48,075 Drink the blood of your vanquished enemy and move on. 42 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,244 You're gonna be a great husband. 43 00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:51,912 No, no, wait, he has a point. 44 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,847 I mean, you said yourself, it was her decision. 45 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,449 Lily chose to give up her job 46 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,785 and not move to Rome so you could be a judge. 47 00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,153 Yeah, but something seemed off. 48 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,489 We had this big fight and she stormed out, 49 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:04,592 and when she came back, she had totally, like, changed her mind. 50 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,659 Wait, what time was this? 51 00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:08,362 A little after 3:00 a.m., Billy Zabka. Why? 52 00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:09,697 Well, last night, I was out 53 00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,031 doing some late-night dirt-biking in the sand. 54 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,800 Naturally. Continue. And I ended up 55 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,169 at that EZ Pick a few miles up the road. 56 00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:16,337 And, well... 57 00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,779 That's odd. 58 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,115 SEVERAL PEOPLE: Boo...! 59 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,718 You saw Lily getting into someone's car? 60 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,985 I wonder who it was. 61 00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,987 What did the license plate say? 62 00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,389 It said... 63 00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,124 "AHOY!!!" 64 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,627 The Captain! Lily's boss. 65 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:40,961 He has a house out here. 66 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,163 Wait, why was Lily getting into the Captain's car 67 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:44,732 at 3:00 in the morning? 68 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,734 Guys... 69 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:50,338 I hate to even say this, but... 70 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:53,006 do you think it's possible... 71 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,210 ...that I could eat six of these saltines 72 00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:57,811 in under a minute? 73 00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,013 Challenge accepted! 74 00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:03,717 Well, I can't wait to meet this Barney. 75 00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:06,086 I haven't met him already, have I? 76 00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,188 Because they said after getting Tasered, 77 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:11,659 I might suffer from short-term memory loss. 78 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,160 Oh, you'd remember if you'd met Barney. 79 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,530 Why don't I see what he's doing right now? 80 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:17,731 (phone ringing) 81 00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,867 Barney's phone. Ted, where's Barney? 82 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:20,934 He's trying to eat 83 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,403 six saltines in under a minute. 84 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:25,105 Well, his future mother-in-law is here. 85 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,307 Robin's mom is here. 86 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,109 And she wants to meet him. 87 00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:29,977 She wants to meet you. 88 00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:35,048 He's kind of in the middle of a saltine challenge at the moment. 89 00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:39,720 But as soon as he's done, he'll just, uh, pop right over. 90 00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:40,954 All right. Good-bye. 91 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,556 ROBIN: The saltine challenge? 92 00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:43,957 Now? (Lily chuckles) 93 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,559 It's his wedding day. 94 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,060 Guys do weird things on their wedding day. 95 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,529 Well, on my wedding day, 96 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,631 Robin's father completely disappeared 97 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,065 for about three hours. 98 00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:53,467 He just said, "I've got to go 99 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:56,236 and teach somebody some manners," and off he went. 100 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,104 And then 101 00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:58,406 three hours later, 102 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,074 he emerged from the woods with a dead elk 103 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,143 slung across his shoulder. 104 00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:07,281 And I didn't even know that there were elk in Bermuda. 105 00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:08,215 But this Barney-- 106 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,818 he sounds like a fine young man. 107 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,119 Yes, he is. 108 00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:13,987 We're going again. 109 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:16,457 Marshall, are you okay? 110 00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,925 Why did she get into the Captain's car, 111 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,059 and why didn't she tell me about it? 112 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,928 Well, maybe it was a work thing. What? No. 113 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,062 She has a big fight with me, 114 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,464 she goes down to an EZ Pick, 115 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:24,765 she gets into the Captain's Mercedes, 116 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:25,899 and then three hours later, 117 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,401 she doesn't want to go to Italy anymore? 118 00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:29,136 I mean, do you think this means... 119 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,004 That the Captain moored his dinghy in Lily's lagoon? 120 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,005 Most definitely. 121 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,474 That's crazy. 122 00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,008 You'd never moor a dinghy in a lagoon. 123 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,076 I don't know, Ted. 124 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,277 In certain tidal conditions, 125 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:38,479 if you had a protected inlet... 126 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,080 Okay, you know what? It doesn't matter. 127 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,482 Today is Barney's wedding. 128 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,484 Let's just forget it. 129 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,986 Marshall... 130 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:48,088 do you want to go over to the Captain's house right now, 131 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,490 punch him in the face really fast 132 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,291 and then come back and do this wedding? 133 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,596 Would that be okay? 134 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,997 Ranjit, get the car. 135 00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,832 Getting the car. 136 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:01,001 Baby, I can't wait to meet your mom, 137 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,670 but I kind of got to go on 138 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,472 a little excursion with the boys right now. 139 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:06,039 What? Where are you going? 140 00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:09,009 Me and the boys have to go teach someone some manners. 141 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:14,648 Are there any elk on Long Island? 142 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,954 * My gallant housekeeping crew * 143 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:21,955 * Good morning. 144 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,024 * Sir! Good morning. 145 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,026 * I hope you are quite well. 146 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,462 * Quite well, and you, sir? 147 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,030 * I am in reasonable health. 148 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,732 * And happy to meet you all once... * 149 00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:32,733 (doorbell rings) 150 00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,468 Oh, bother it! 151 00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:35,503 I'll get it. 152 00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:41,609 Ahoy, Marshall! 153 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,076 (Captain grunts) 154 00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:50,017 Are you okay, Robin? No, I'm not okay, 155 00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:52,252 because apparently, I am marrying my dad 156 00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:53,654 in a few hours. 157 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,088 Oh, sweetie, no. 158 00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,224 I'm sure that's not true. 159 00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:58,659 I mean, th-there's so much 160 00:05:58,692 --> 00:05:59,993 you don't know about your father. 161 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:02,195 There were... oh, there were so many other 162 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,031 red flags in our marriage. 163 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,232 I mean, for instance, 164 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,233 do you know that 165 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,101 before he was engaged to me, 166 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,938 he was engaged to marry an exotic dancer? 167 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,740 Hello! 168 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,007 Red flag! 169 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,275 LILY: Oh, Genevieve, 170 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,276 not good. 171 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,579 And did you know that one time, 172 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,113 to impress women, 173 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,550 he dressed up like a Prussian aristocrat, 174 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,217 had a painting of himself made, 175 00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:27,120 and posed next to it in an art gallery? 176 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,388 Can you imagine? 177 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,858 Oh, that's a rough one. 178 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,360 Darling, darling, the list goes on. 179 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,564 He would always take his mother's side in arguments. 180 00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,899 He never checked with me before making plans. 181 00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:42,102 And our rehearsal dinner... oh, boy, did we have it out 182 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,672 right before our rehearsal dinner! 183 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:48,576 Thank you, Linus. 184 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,078 GENEVIEVE: For the first 185 00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,813 ten years I knew him, 186 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,449 I didn't even know what your father did for a living. 187 00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:56,650 Every time I used to ask him, 188 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,151 he'd just say... Please! 189 00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,987 Yes, that's exactly what he used to say. 190 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,421 How did you know that? 191 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,257 Heck of a jab, Marshall. 192 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,392 Well-placed. 193 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,393 MARSHALL: Captain, 194 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,961 I know something happened 195 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,797 between you and Lily last night. 196 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:10,898 What? 197 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,132 No. Nothing happened. 198 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,433 Captain's honor. 199 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,102 Well, you can ask my fiancée. 200 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,837 Fiancée? What-what fiancée? 201 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:17,905 Captain. 202 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,573 Permission to clear things up? Granted. 203 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:20,741 Me. 204 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,009 We're engaged. 205 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,477 It's "boats, boats, boats"! 206 00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,579 Ted, look! Uh, yeah. 207 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,981 I mean, yeah, I know her from that commercial. 208 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:28,982 Boats, boats, boats! 209 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,984 And only from that commercial. 210 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,020 No, you banged her. 211 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,154 Remember? 212 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,188 Like, a bunch of times. 213 00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:37,190 You knocked "boots, boots, boots." 214 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,859 MARSHALL: All right, Captain. What the hell 215 00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,027 happened here last night? 216 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,962 Well, it was just after four bells. 217 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,096 (phone ringing) 218 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:43,997 Ahoy! 219 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,365 (choked up): Hi, I-I know it's late, 220 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,000 but I've got to get out of here. 221 00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,002 CAPTAIN: So I sent the car. When she got here... 222 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,170 Lily, what a lovely... 223 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,005 Can I use your powder room? 224 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,974 And then she went to the powder room. 225 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,475 She was in there quite a while, actually. 226 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,477 Probably a deuce. Go on. 227 00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:58,679 CAPTAIN: And when she came out, 228 00:07:58,712 --> 00:07:59,980 she had to leave right away. 229 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,448 It was odd. 230 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,684 But I assure you, nothing inappropriate happened 231 00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,118 between me and your wife. 232 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,020 Captain, I understand what you're saying, 233 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,189 but what you don't understand is that 234 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,524 Lily is my wife, 235 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,059 and I love her way too much 236 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:13,026 to behave rationally right now! 237 00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,194 En garde! 238 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,198 This is the best day of my life. 239 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:21,134 Oh, darling, come on, no, no. 240 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,036 You're not marrying your father. 241 00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:24,471 I mean, your father... 242 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,473 I mean, let's just put it this way. 243 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,408 Your father was a sociopath. 244 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:31,011 He slept with over 20 women. 245 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,013 And sure, you know, 246 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,347 we were friends for years first 247 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,684 and it was entertaining watching him lie 248 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,319 to those poor girls to get inside their snow pants, 249 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,055 but I should have known back then 250 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:44,391 this was not husband material. 251 00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:45,993 I mean, even your Uncle Jim, you know, 252 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,327 his gay black brother... 253 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,696 Will you shut up! 254 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,332 Go for Barney! 255 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,702 Your bride is freaking the crap out right now. 256 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,103 Where the hell are you? 257 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,871 I warn you, Captain, 258 00:08:57,905 --> 00:09:02,943 I've pretended to have a duel with actual swords twice. 259 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,211 I warn you, Marshall, 260 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,113 I was on the Olympic fencing team. 261 00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,948 Won three gold medals. 262 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,617 I warn you, Captain, 263 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,052 I'm starting to feel like this was a mistake. 264 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,387 I think I'd better not say where I am. 265 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,956 I am not kidding around here! 266 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,390 Tell me where you are! 267 00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:18,692 (sighs) 268 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,493 We're at the Captain's house. 269 00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:25,999 What is it? What's wrong? 270 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,237 I am so busted. 271 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,976 Thank you, Linus. 272 00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,682 You have another piece of gum? 273 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,955 LILY: I can keep a secret. 274 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:50,123 I can keep a secret real good. 275 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,959 Are you chewing gum? 276 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,994 I can keep a secret like nobody's business, 277 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,596 'cause it is nobody's business. 278 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:57,998 You never chew gum. 279 00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,800 You shouldn't chew gum in here. 280 00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:02,069 'Cause it's a secret, and I'm keeping it! 281 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,804 Wait! 282 00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:04,972 Stop the duel! 283 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:05,739 Oh, thank God. 284 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:06,974 I mean, why? 285 00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,008 TED: Why? 286 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,777 Because I just solved the mystery, 287 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:10,778 that's why. 288 00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:13,113 Mosby Boys! 289 00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:16,984 We agreed you wouldn't do that anymore. 290 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,586 Mystery? What mystery? 291 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,521 Lily has a secret. 292 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,925 She's hiding something, 293 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,294 and I know what it is. 294 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,706 Okay, what is she hiding? 295 00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,708 I'll tell you in a minute. 296 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:44,077 I want to enjoy the suspense a little bit first. 297 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:47,047 Ooh. 298 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:59,159 Oh, my God, will you just tell us! 299 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,196 Very well. 300 00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:04,631 Now, we can all agree 301 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,967 that this is the first time I've ever set foot 302 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,668 in this house, correct? 303 00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,838 Oh, this is going to be unbearable. 304 00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,840 Now, Captain, your powder room-- 305 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:15,308 does it face out on the ocean? 306 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,410 Of course, right over the cliff. 307 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:18,578 Just as I suspected. 308 00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:19,980 And if I were to walk 309 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,149 into this powder room right now, 310 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,384 I believe I'd see a potted plant of some sort. 311 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:25,685 Is that correct? 312 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,654 Yes. There's a daisy. 313 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,090 A daisy. Interesting. 314 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,525 Uh, not traditionally an indoor plant, 315 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,662 but I suppose it gets plenty of light 316 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,364 with the southern exposure. 317 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,999 That's right, it does. 318 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,434 Will you please fetch the daisy? 319 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,470 Aye-aye. 320 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,273 I totally solved it. 321 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:47,540 You didn't solve it. 322 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,410 You didn't solve it. 323 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:51,611 You didn't solve it. 324 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,013 You didn't solve it. 325 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,015 Did you solve...? No, you didn't solve it. 326 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,017 I solved it! 327 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,251 Ah. 328 00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,053 Thank you, Captain. 329 00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:02,122 Now... 330 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,357 a simple question. 331 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,961 When Lily and Marshall are apart for an extended period of time, 332 00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:11,531 what is the one thing Lily always does? 333 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,532 Cry? 334 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:13,801 Masturbate? 335 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:14,701 Karate? 336 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,735 Go sailing? 337 00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,737 No. 338 00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:20,040 When Lily and Marshall are apart 339 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:23,443 for a long period of time, 340 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,947 Lily... always... 341 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,190 ...starts smoking again. 342 00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,093 That's true, she does. 343 00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:42,095 Happened when she went to Paris in college. 344 00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,965 It happened when she moved to San Francisco, and last week, 345 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:47,134 it happened again. 346 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,336 From the moment Marshall left for Minnesota, 347 00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,238 Lily's been secretly puffing down the ciggies 348 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,241 like a 46-year-old grandma at a Reno slot machine. 349 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,509 Problem was, come Friday morning, 350 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,612 she knew she'd have to quit again, cold turkey. 351 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,581 And it wouldn't be easy. 352 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,450 She tried to make it a whole car ride 353 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:04,751 without a fix, but couldn't. 354 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,419 So, she pretended to be annoyed 355 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:09,422 by perfectly reasonable things, like my stylish driving gloves 356 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,993 and my appreciation of the historic van Otterloop manse. 357 00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:18,631 All so she could have one last smoke on the train. 358 00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:21,001 But afterwards, her breath told the tale. 359 00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:24,004 And that's why, when she got to the hotel, 360 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,006 Lily... 361 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:29,009 was chewing... gum. 362 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,210 Lily never chews gum. 363 00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,144 What? Never? 364 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,212 Well, hardly ever. 365 00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:33,947 Great job, Ted. 366 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,616 That's some pretty solid evidence. Gum. 367 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:40,153 (laughing): Oh, Barney, my dear boy. 368 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,554 I'm just getting started. 369 00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:42,990 Getting started? 370 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,157 TED: Lily knew that cigarette 371 00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,658 was probably her last for a while. 372 00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:47,660 She needed something to keep her nerves calm, 373 00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:49,229 so she headed to the bar. 374 00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:51,865 Anytime you see me without a drink in my hand, 375 00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:53,967 you put a drink in my hand. 376 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:57,004 Are you my guy, Linus? 377 00:13:57,037 --> 00:14:00,073 TED: What followed was a long day and a half for Lily. 378 00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:02,042 A really long day and a half. 379 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,676 Oh, it's kind of insane 380 00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,845 how much happened in just a day and a half. 381 00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,680 Anyway, Marshall returned, 382 00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:11,084 they had a big fight, Lily stormed out. 383 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:12,185 And that's when she realized, 384 00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,021 if she was gonna sneak one this weekend, 385 00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,355 this was her chance. 386 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:18,058 And after that fight, boy, did she need one. 387 00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:21,261 Only problem: she was all out. 388 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,662 Now, 389 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:23,763 it's 3:00 a.m., 390 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,165 you need a cigarette, 391 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,566 and the only place that's open is an EZ Pick 392 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,001 that's five miles down the road. 393 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,002 You have no car. 394 00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:30,870 What do you do? Go. 395 00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:31,838 Dirt-bike it. 396 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:32,906 I can walk that far. 397 00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:33,873 Masturbate. 398 00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:34,874 Take a boat. 399 00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:37,377 What? A boat? No. 400 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,612 Dude, she got a ride in your car, remember? 401 00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:41,081 (phone ringing) 402 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,249 Ahoy. 403 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,250 Hi. I-I know it's late, 404 00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:44,751 but I've got to get out of here. 405 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,719 I want to make one stop first. 406 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,423 TED: The problem was, 407 00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,193 Lily didn't want to smoke in front of her new employer. 408 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,561 So, when she arrived 409 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,463 at the Captain's house, there was only one 410 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,630 possible course of action. 411 00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,099 Can I use your powder room? 412 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,403 TED: Now, 413 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:04,237 you're Lily. 414 00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:05,572 You've just had a cigarette 415 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:06,773 in your boss's powder room. 416 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:08,441 What do you do with the cigarette butt? 417 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,143 Throw it out the window? Flush it? 418 00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:11,644 No, she-she wouldn't do either of those things. 419 00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:12,980 She's an environmentalist. 420 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,047 Stick it in your purse? 421 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,148 Marshall could find it there. 422 00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,383 Throw it in the trash can. 423 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,951 The Captain would find it there. 424 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,719 Hide it in a boat. 425 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,554 A boat? Wait. How would that... 426 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,755 I don't know. 427 00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:25,125 I just... I like boats. 428 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,328 No. 429 00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,797 There's only one place that she would put it. 430 00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,799 A place where, eventually, 431 00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:35,868 it would decompose and serve as a natural mulch. 432 00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,938 It's in the daisy. 433 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,940 And sure enough, 434 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,076 if I dig around... 435 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:46,713 I am all but guaranteed to find... 436 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,117 A pregnancy test. 437 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,054 You could smoke those? 438 00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,629 (vomiting) 439 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,566 (panting) 440 00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:10,037 Oh, no. 441 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:11,604 So, you want the Kennedy package? 442 00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:12,839 Bingo. 443 00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:17,177 One other little thing. 444 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,346 When you do put a drink in my hand, 445 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,348 let's make it non-alcoholic. 446 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,683 There's a chance I might be pregnant. 447 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:24,984 Okay, Linus, 448 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:27,820 don't start popping the sparkling cider just yet. 449 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:30,057 I'm just being cautious. 450 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,958 I'll take a test when I get home. 451 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,626 It can wait. 452 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:37,030 Are Marvin and I and any other future children 453 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,065 we may have 454 00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,167 just some consolation prize? 455 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,202 I have to get out of here. 456 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:47,574 * 457 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,809 (sighs) It can't wait. 458 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:54,181 * 459 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:56,849 Lily, what a lovely... 460 00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:59,419 Can I use your powder room? 461 00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:03,090 * 462 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:06,326 Two minutes. Here we go. 463 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:12,199 * 464 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,737 Guys, we need to go back to the hotel. 465 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,941 Lily peed on that, and you touched it. 466 00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:24,477 Lily? 467 00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:29,048 We're gonna have a baby? 468 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:35,122 I told you guys I could keep a secret. 469 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:40,127 Uh, uh, Barney, this-this is my mom. 470 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,095 Hi. Hello. 471 00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,062 Oh. 472 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,264 Oh, he's a hugger. 473 00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:45,532 Nothing like your dad. 474 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,100 (laughs) 475 00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:49,269 I'm sorry. I-I was gonna tell you tonight. 476 00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,070 No. Oh, my God, no. It's fine. 477 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:52,905 There's just... there's so much we have to do. 478 00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:55,442 You know, we have to, um... we have to do research on... 479 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,277 uh, hospitals in Italy, and we have to, uh... 480 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,146 We're not going to Italy. 481 00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,980 Of course we are. 482 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,082 Lily, we have to do this. 483 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,451 You're gonna live in Rome, 484 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,653 and you're gonna get your dream, because... 485 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,955 because you're giving me mine. 486 00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,458 Again. 487 00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,293 But there's gonna be all sorts of paperwork, 488 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,562 and-and if she's born outside of the U.S., 489 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,096 she could never become president. 490 00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:19,266 It's a girl? 491 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:22,469 Oh. I don't know, but... 492 00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,804 in my mind, I kind of think she is. 493 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:25,905 Oh. 494 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,474 I love you so much. 495 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,976 Mmm. 496 00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,011 We're gonna give you some privacy. 497 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,516 It's my room. Why do I have to...? 498 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,017 Just... come on. 499 00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:42,989 I thought this was an exit. No, balcony. 500 00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,123 Ah. Oh. 501 00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:46,293 Well, we'll just give them a few minutes, and then... 502 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,795 Mm-hmm. ...we'll go back in and... 503 00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,129 Oh. 504 00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,432 Oh, they are both naked. 505 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,666 Yeah, they work fast. 506 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,702 Yes. (sighs) 507 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,704 Oh, darling. 508 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,706 Oh, you're going to be fine. 509 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,941 You know, for every marriage in the world 510 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,976 like I had with your dad, you know, there's... 511 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,846 there's a marriage like those two in there. 512 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,981 And, oh, marriage is... 513 00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,317 Oh, it's terrifying. 514 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,984 It's-it's like flying. 515 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:15,188 You know, you're-you're filled with this mortal dread, 516 00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:17,657 but if you find someone you feel safe with, 517 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:20,960 it's like flying! 518 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:24,997 But if you got someone that you feel is really there for you, 519 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:27,066 someone you can depend on, 520 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,536 you're gonna be fine. 521 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:37,544 Do you have someone like that? 522 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,579 I do. 523 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:04,964 ...Daisy. 524 00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:07,199 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org