1
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:11,045
Thank you for
bringing me here.

2
00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:13,047
I am so glad we made
it. That snowstorm

3
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,548
was getting really bad.

4
00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:16,016
Wait, you think
this is a snowstorm?

5
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:18,819
This is nothing.
I'll tell you about a snowstorm.

6
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,889
It was winter break,
freshman year of college...

7
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:23,424
Marshall and I were
roommates, but we weren't

8
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:24,992
really good friends yet.
THE MOTHER: Wait, stop.

9
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,360
You've told me this one before.

10
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:27,428
I have? When?

11
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,997
Uh, let's see. It was...

12
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,065
all the time.

13
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:33,267
Really?
(deep breath)

14
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:35,069
You and Marshall
drove back to school...

15
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,837
"500 Miles" played on a loop.

16
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,206
You took a back road,
ran out of gas,

17
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,674
got stuck in a snowstorm,
spooned to stay warm--

18
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,042
at least that's your story--

19
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:44,044
and at the end of it,
you were best friends.

20
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:47,448
Okay. Okay, that's fine,
because guess what.

21
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,016
That wasn't even
the worst snowstorm ever.

22
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,618
It was 2008...

23
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,086
Barney and I...
THE MOTHER: Took over the bar,

24
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,021
met the Arizona Tech
marching band-- "Go Hens!"--

25
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,356
and they played
"Auld Lang Syne" when Marshall

26
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,125
picked up Lily at the airport.

27
00:00:57,158 --> 00:01:00,128
Okay. Have I told you about
the time that Marshall...

28
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:02,730
THE MOTHER:
Tried to put Christmas lights
on Lily's grandparents' house

29
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,365
and the little ragamuffin from
next door left him stranded

30
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,733
on the roof?

31
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:06,934
Did Lily tell you that one?

32
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,402
Yeah.

33
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:11,139
Lily used the word "ragamuffin."

34
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,309
So I've told you
all my stories.

35
00:01:15,343 --> 00:01:17,278
I'm afraid so.
But luckily,

36
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:20,214
I have plenty of stories
that you don't know yet.

37
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:22,450
Like the one where my
college roommates and I

38
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:23,751
went to this male strip club...

39
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,553
And your friend Dongnose
got smacked on the nose

40
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:26,820
with a dong?

41
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:27,821
I know that one.

42
00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:30,824
Okay.

43
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,826
What about the story
that explains how...

44
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,328
Dongnose got her
nickname "Dongnose"

45
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:36,830
and that it had nothing to do
with the dong-smacking incident?

46
00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:37,998
Heard it, loved it,

47
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:41,068
called it the greatest
coincidence of the 21st century.

48
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,404
Wow.

49
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:46,006
You know every one
of my stories.

50
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:49,109
And you know every one of mine.

51
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:51,512
I guess it's official.

52
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,181
We're an old married couple.

53
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,318
Nice!
We did it!

54
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,134
Well, well, if it
isn't the Mosbys.

55
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,369
Hi.
Hi.

56
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:18,339
Here for a romantic weekend
away from the kids.

57
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,708
(laughs)
It's a good thing there's no
guests on either side of you,

58
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,043
'cause those bedsprings
are gonna squeak like mice

59
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:25,112
in a cheese factory.
Am I right? (laughs)

60
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,147
Just don't break any
of the lamps like your friends

61
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,550
Barney and Robin, okay?
That's not how the lamp broke.

62
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,552
Of course not. All right,
you have fun, you two.

63
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:32,853
(chuckles)

64
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,121
Uh,

65
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,389
what lamp is this?

66
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,157
The lamp Robin broke
the day of the wedding.

67
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,793
Oh, my God.

68
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:40,861
You don't know this one.

69
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,063
Oh... man.

70
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:44,465
This is a good one.
(laughs)

71
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,999
I mean, it's got everything.

72
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:48,502
Intrigue, betrayal, lamps.

73
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:51,639
It is a ripping yarn,
so buckle your seatbelt.
Just

74
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,073
tell the story.
Okay.

75
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:55,075
Here goes.

76
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:58,412
Robin broke a lamp.

77
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,516
Okay, this has to stop.

78
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:05,052
Come on, we're
just having fun.

79
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,688
It has been
a long weekend.

80
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:08,922
This is how I relax.

81
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:11,191
Really?

82
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:12,726
This is how you relax?

83
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,529
By not getting a single shot
past me the entire morning?

84
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:18,098
You suck, Scherbatsky,
you shoot like my grandma.

85
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,601
Okay, Scherbatsky,
you just poked the dragon.

86
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,069
Here comes the bride.

87
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,904
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, okay,
okay. How about

88
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:27,875
we switch to an activity that's
more suited to somebody who's,

89
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:30,378
you know, (chuckles),
getting married today?

90
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:33,381
Oh. We gonna go
chug some Labatts?

91
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:37,251
I was thinking we could chug
some memories instead.

92
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:40,020
"Barney & Robin:
Lovers Forever

93
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,289
"and Ever
and Ever:

94
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:43,257
A Love Story."

95
00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:45,726
Sounds cheesy. I'm gonna go barf
forever and ever and ever.

96
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:46,994
See you, hosers.

97
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:51,031
It's not cheesy.

98
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:54,067
(gentle tune starts chiming)

99
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,636
See?

100
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,004
(sniffles)

101
00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:08,582
Uh, can you tell me
the name of the guest

102
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:09,950
staying in room nine?

103
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,719
I'm sorry.

104
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,754
That would violate
hotel privacy policy.

105
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:18,992
Well, maybe my old friend
Mr. Lincoln...

106
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:22,162
can emancipate that information.

107
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,734
I'm so sorry, I wasn't clear.

108
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:30,170
I can't violate
our hotel privacy policy.

109
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,173
For five dollars.

110
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:39,780
Something with
a two on it is fine.

111
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,982
But those are super rare and
the one I have is kind of lucky.

112
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,283
Just give me a 20, Mr. Mosby.

113
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,161
That room belongs
to a Ms. Susan Tupp.

114
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,464
Oh, boy.

115
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,269
BARNEY:
God, you're gorgeous.

116
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:06,139
Oh, I can't wait
to be inside you.

117
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:09,377
Barney. Get out here,
this is your wedding day.

118
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:12,045
Wha... (grunts)

119
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,547
Where is she?
Who?

120
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:16,216
Look, I just grossly overpaid
for some information

121
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,151
about this room,
so I know it's accurate.

122
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:20,688
This room belongs
to Susan Tupp.

123
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:21,989
Who?

124
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,357
Susan Tupp.

125
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:24,458
Who?

126
00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:27,027
Sue...

127
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,562
Tupp.

128
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:29,663
Suit up.

129
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:30,798
I'm trying to.

130
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,000
I need you to help me

131
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,135
pick the suit I'm gonna wear
when I walk down the aisle.

132
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,404
Okay,

133
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:39,540
Robin walks down the aisle,
you wait at the end of it.

134
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:42,876
Okay, then the suit
I'll be wearing

135
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:46,146
when they all stand
as I enter the chapel.
That's also her.

136
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,582
Really? Man, the fellas
sure do get boned

137
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,651
on the whole
wedding thing, don't they?
Okay.

138
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,986
All right, well, let's,
let's pick you a suit.

139
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,054
What are... what are
the top contenders?

140
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:57,157
Well, after careful
consideration,

141
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,226
I have narrowed it down to

142
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,429
these ones...

143
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:02,863
and these ones...

144
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,865
and the other ones in this room

145
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,100
and all the ones
in the adjoining room.

146
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,903
So you've narrowed it down
to all your suits.
Yeah, we're screwed.

147
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,939
And this is a picture
of the restaurant

148
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,942
where you and Barney
had your first date.

149
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,411
And now you're getting married.

150
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:18,679
Mm.

151
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,048
And this is the receipt

152
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,950
from the meal you and Barney ate

153
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:25,619
at that restaurant
on your first date.

154
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:28,456
And now you're getting married.

155
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:29,957
Can we look at this later?

156
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,426
Later? There is no later.

157
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:33,761
Robin,

158
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,029
this is a day
you only get to do once.

159
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:39,232
You need to appreciate
the importance of it right now.

160
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,935
Oh, my God.

161
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:46,373
How did I only
just now realize this?

162
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,142
Dude, this hotel has
The Wedding Bride 2

163
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,077
on pay-per-view.

164
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,979
Score.

165
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,014
This is the best
day of my life!

166
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:01,922
I mean, I know Robin's
not the girliest girl,

167
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,924
but you'd think
on her wedding day,

168
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,326
she'd be at least
a little sentimental.

169
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:08,061
Everyone deals with getting
married differently.

170
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,297
I got what I thought was
the worst haircut ever.

171
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,933
Till I fixed it with the
actual worst haircut ever.

172
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,235
Which led to the worst
wedding photos ever.

173
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,572
But at least you had
a wedding day freak-out.
Baby,

174
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:19,940
don't worry. Any minute now,

175
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:22,242
Robin's gonna get smacked
in the face with her own

176
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,277
"holy crap, this
is my wedding" moment,

177
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,080
and then she's gonna wedding out
all over the place. I promise.

178
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,416
But you can't force it,
it has to just happen.

179
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,786
Mm, I don't know. I mean,
she bailed on my scrapbook

180
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,855
when she found out
The Wedding Bride 2

181
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,057
is on pay-per-view.
The Wedding Bride 2
is on pay-per-view?!

182
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:40,427
CURTIS:
I'm sorry, did...

183
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,995
did I hear you guys
talking about

184
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:42,996
The Wedding Bride?

185
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,431
Oh, God.
The movie or the...

186
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,199
smash Broadway musical?

187
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:49,970
(scoffs) Smash? Oh, oh, oh,
I-I guess a show's a smash now

188
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,172
if it closes
after only 96 weeks.

189
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:55,643
So my husband's
ex-fiancé's husband

190
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,545
wrote the screenplay
for The Wedding Bride.

191
00:07:57,578 --> 00:08:01,148
"Jed Mosley"
was based on Ted.

192
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,951
Okay, Jed was not based on me...

193
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,118
Hey!

194
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,820
That is not a toy,
you ragamuffin.

195
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:11,625
That is an authentic flail
I won at the Renaissance fair.

196
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:12,693
...entirely.

197
00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:16,396
But, regardless, there's...

198
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,065
there's still some
lingering pain there and...

199
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,633
Well, as you can imagine,

200
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,669
my friends promised me
that they'd never watch it.

201
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,336
Wow.

202
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,005
Those are some good friends.

203
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,240
Oh, they're the best.

204
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,711
Oh, oh, whoa!

205
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,379
My wiener!

206
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:35,382
I can't believe Jed made us
promise not to watch this.

207
00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:36,684
Wait, you mean Ted.

208
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,251
Whatever. Same guy.

209
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:42,723
See, I would have expected you
to have an extra-special suit

210
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:43,991
tailor-made
just for this occasion.

211
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,492
Oh, I did.

212
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,995
I had my boy Timmy G make
the perfect wedding suit.

213
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,429
You ever heard of "bespoke"?

214
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,098
This suit was
be-freaking-screamed.

215
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,701
But then I tried it on this
morning and it was uncomfortable

216
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:56,169
and itchy and completely wrong.
It was like a suit made

217
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,071
for someone
with terrible posture,

218
00:08:58,105 --> 00:09:00,874
no taste and limited funds.

219
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,242
Here, you take it.

220
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,944
The only
question is,

221
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,879
which of these
other suits do I pick?

222
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,715
There are so many great
ones to choose from.

223
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:08,916
Uh,

224
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:09,917
how about this one?

225
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,385
Yes. Yes, that's the one.

226
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:15,288
Oh, hey, quick question: is it
weird to get married in a suit

227
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,991
that you may have worn while
banging a female rodeo clown?

228
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,128
I know what you're wondering.

229
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,396
Yes, the carpet
matched the drapes.

230
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:25,733
Of course that's weird.
Every part of that is weird.

231
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:26,734
Mm.

232
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,068
Uh, what about this suit?

233
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,070
Huh?
(slow chuckle)

234
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,973
Let's just say I stuffed
a lot of bunnies in that suit.

235
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,742
Ugh, Barney, do you have
to phrase it that way?

236
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:38,045
Actual bunnies, Ted.
This is my magic suit.

237
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,613
Get your mind out
of the gutter.

238
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:43,116
Though, I did once wear it
to the Playboy holiday party

239
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:45,118
and, uh... (chuckles)

240
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:48,088
Let's just say I stuffed a lot
of Bunnies in that suit.

241
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:51,591
Uh...

242
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:52,926
How about this one?
Oh, man,

243
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,896
I went crazy on an escort
in that one.

244
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:59,499
Barney, come on.
A Ford Escort, Ted,
I did it on a car.

245
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,969
With a woman who I then
may or may not have paid.

246
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,503
Yeah, that one's out, too.

247
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:07,941
Okay, so your wedding's
in a few hours.

248
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:10,143
Kind of strange
to spend those hours

249
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,745
watching a terrible movie,
right?

250
00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:14,581
Terrible? Lily,
this movie is a revelation.

251
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,616
I can't believe that Ted
wouldn't let us see it.

252
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,252
Yeah. Why was he hanging
so much beef on this movie?

253
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,689
Just 'cause there's a character
based on him? (laughs)

254
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:24,758
Of course. I'll make
all weddings illegal.

255
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,660
Then Stella can never
be a wedding bride.

256
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:27,928
(cackles)

257
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:28,929
Ooh,

258
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,699
No-can-I-do's-ville, baby doll.

259
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:34,134
It's like,
"Relax, Ted,

260
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:37,004
it's no big deal.
You should be flattered."

261
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,006
And now to celebrate with
that piece of chocolate cake

262
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,440
I've been saving.

263
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,541
What?!

264
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,010
Who ate my cake?!

265
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,180
Uh, what cake?

266
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:49,549
Narshall!

267
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,020
Narshall?

268
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,956
Narshall. How dare they?

269
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:56,990
That is
insulting

270
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:58,225
and ridiculous

271
00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,860
and I am nothing
like that character.

272
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,829
I'm gonna sue everyone involved
with this film.

273
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:05,232
So, you're-you're gonna sue
them on the grounds that

274
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:08,168
nothing like that cake thing
has ever happened?

275
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,875
(sighs)

276
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,543
If Ted didn't want me
to eat that cake,

277
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,145
he should have put a note on it.

278
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,180
(knocking)

279
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,820
Oh, hi, Grandma.
Robin, sweetheart.

280
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,488
I wanted you
to have this.

281
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,759
It's me and your grandpa
on our wedding day.

282
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,260
Aw, that's so sweet.

283
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,494
See my bouquet?

284
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,496
Those wildflowers--

285
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,899
they were supposed
to be hydrangeas,

286
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,001
but there was a mix-up
at the florist's.

287
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,103
I was so upset.

288
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,538
Your grandpa went
behind the church

289
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,741
and picked
those wildflowers

290
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,442
for me. And now

291
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,611
he's buried...
Behind the very same church,

292
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,446
surrounded
by the very same wildflowers.

293
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,648
Okay, Grandma,
watching a movie. Got to go.

294
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:57,885
Every single holiday,

295
00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,052
that same dumb story.

296
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:02,022
Sorry, Grandma, not as touching
as you think it is.

297
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,224
(crying):
At the very same church.

298
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,793
Now, I want to see

299
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:09,562
if Jed can get his wiener
unstuck from that thermos.

300
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:12,132
(chuckling)
No-can-do's-ville, baby doll.

301
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,101
Uh, I'm sorry.
Did you just

302
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,703
turn off the bride's TV
on her wedding day?
Oh!

303
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,705
Oh! Is this your wedding day?
(chuckles)

304
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,707
I'm sorry. I couldn't tell
because you're acting

305
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,111
like it's any other
Sunday morning, and it's not.

306
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,546
Lily, if you're waiting for me
to suddenly turn

307
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,816
into th-th-the Wedding Bride,
you just give up.

308
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,417
That's just not me.
Fine.

309
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:33,753
Maybe we should all just act
like this wedding's no big deal.

310
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:37,424
Maybe I don't even feel like
wearing my bridesmaid's dress.

311
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,993
Great. It-It's just a wedding.
Who cares what people wear?

312
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:41,261
Say yes to the suit!

313
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:44,231
(sobbing):
I can't! I can't.

314
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,967
Great. Because I actually
brought a different dress

315
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,235
that I'd like to wear.

316
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,002
Fine.

317
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,470
Oh, no.

318
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:53,006
Maybe I'll go put it on
right now.

319
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,641
Go right ahead.
What?

320
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:55,742
(sucks air through teeth)
I'm so sorry.

321
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:56,676
What, why?

322
00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:59,146
I know this story, too.

323
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:02,850
Really?
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Robin and Lily get
in a big fight

324
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,318
and then, a few minutes later,
there's a knock at the door.

325
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,156
Hello.

326
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,999
I've told you
this one before.
A few times.

327
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,001
(groans)
I'm just...

328
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:24,637
a boring old man
who won't stop spinning yarns.

329
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:27,774
Oh, hey. I love your yarns.

330
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,343
I hope you never stop
spinning them.

331
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,646
But...

332
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,483
You're the love of my life,
Pooh Bear.

333
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,785
I just worry about you.

334
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:44,424
I don't want you to be the guy
who lives in his stories.

335
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:48,195
Life only moves forward.

336
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,133
So what happens next?

337
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,168
With Lily and the wedding dress,
I mean.

338
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:58,171
Well... she brought the dress

339
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:01,008
so that she and Marshall could
get new wedding photos taken.

340
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:04,411
Because in yet another story
that I know...

341
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:07,147
(shouting)
No!

342
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,983
What kind of space would I have
in my brain for other things

343
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,618
if I didn't know all this?

344
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,521
Eh, probably just state birds

345
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:15,855
or some crap.

346
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,724
(chuckles)
So, uh,

347
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:20,060
Lily wanted to borrow
Robin's photographer.

348
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:23,096
That shouldn't be a problem.
Shouldn't be

349
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:25,933
a problem, Robin? Of course
it should be a problem.

350
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:27,234
This is your wedding.

351
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:30,170
You can't let somebody borrow
your photographer.

352
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,538
Don't worry.
She's not serious, Robin.

353
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,074
I didn't even bring the suit
that I wore to our wedding.

354
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,008
Yes, you did.

355
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,076
It's in our room.

356
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,177
Go put it on.
We're doing this.

357
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:40,013
And, Robin,
since you don't seem to care,

358
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,682
I think I'll be wearing this
to the ceremony.

359
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,017
Fine!
Fine!

360
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:46,519
Fine. There's a very simple
solution here.

361
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,421
We might as well just face it.

362
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,423
(sighs)

363
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,026
U.S. Marines have to get married
in uniform, so...

364
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:55,028
I'll just go enlist.

365
00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,896
Dude,

366
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,898
we can enlist together!
That's the dream!

367
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:00,900
That's not the...
I wonder if they let you
pick bunkmates.

368
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:04,071
I hope they do. Although
I might want to request
a single. You'll make friends.

369
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:05,472
Look, enough of this.

370
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,208
Tim made you this amazing suit.

371
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,342
Put it on.

372
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,714
This feels weird.

373
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:15,915
That's because it's new.

374
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:17,951
It's a suit that's never
been worn before,

375
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:20,053
a suit you never dreamed
you'd wear.

376
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:23,756
All of this suit's memories
are still ahead of it.

377
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,325
Look,
picture it, huh?

378
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,494
The ceremony.

379
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:30,530
When everyone
stands up for me?
They do that for her.

380
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,100
They should.

381
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,934
She's gonna
look amazing.

382
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:36,169
You'd better
believe it.

383
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,938
She walks
down the aisle,

384
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,940
you say your vows,

385
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,576
you go
to the reception,

386
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,578
you have
your first dance.

387
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,581
And before you know it,
just like magic,

388
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,984
you realize...

389
00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:52,952
it's a perfect fit.

390
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,923
You're right, Ted.

391
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,958
This is the one.

392
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,162
Thanks.

393
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,199
So...

394
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:08,735
belts.

395
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,041
Hey, Lil. Nice dress.

396
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,842
(sighs)
You two were made
for each other.

397
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,445
Like, does no one care
that I'm wearing this dress?

398
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:19,979
I care.

399
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,714
Okay. Now you're good.

400
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,350
Okay, look,

401
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:26,386
I know this is your
wedding, but this is

402
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,188
a big moment
for all of us.

403
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,857
This may be the last time
we're all hanging out together

404
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:32,892
for who knows how long.

405
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:33,893
I mean, tomorrow
morning,

406
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,062
Ted's leaving
for Chicag...

407
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:38,665
Oh, boy.
Lily.

408
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,933
Wait, you already know.

409
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:43,203
You already know.

410
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,038
You're married to
Lily, which means...

411
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:47,040
She pocket-texted me
while you were telling her.

412
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:49,042
So...

413
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,811
everybody knows I'm moving
to Chicago tomorrow.

414
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,481
Lily's right.

415
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,984
We don't know the next time
that we'll all be together.

416
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,986
TED:
And then I think
it hit all of us.

417
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,055
We didn't know the next time
we'd be together.

418
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:05,858
This was it.

419
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:07,060
And it's funny.

420
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:08,161
In a moment like that,

421
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:09,162
when what's really happening

422
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:10,897
is too intense to deal with,

423
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,932
sometimes it's best...

424
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:17,537
To leave it unspoken

425
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:20,807
and just enjoy
each other's company instead.

426
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,944
You know, I've been wanting
to see this movie.

427
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,114
Yes, movie time.

428
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,948
So it's not bad luck for the...

429
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:31,751
bride to see the groom
in his wedding suit?
No,

430
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,720
I think it's fine. Nice tie.

431
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:36,423
Thanks. There was a cornflower
blue one I almost went with.

432
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:37,857
Oh. Um,

433
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,426
that would've brought out
your eyes.

434
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,130
You brought more than one tie,
right?

435
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,031
I was trying to pack light.

436
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,267
Hey, you know what,
maybe the, uh, groomsmen
should go get some food.

437
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,035
I don't want Ted to have
to sit through this movie.

438
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,070
Ah. I appreciate that, Narshall.

439
00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:52,139
Really?

440
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,974
Aw, damn it.
Sorry, I saw it on a plane.

441
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,743
What, so this is gonna be,
like, a thing now?
Yeah,

442
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:59,746
it's gonna be a thing now,
Narshall. Right?

443
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,281
Narshall.
(chuckles)
Dude,

444
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:03,116
settle down, Swarley.

445
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,317
Yeah.

446
00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:06,786
Yeah, Swarlize Theron,
take it easy.

447
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:09,989
Man, this was supposed
to be my special day.

448
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:16,329
Oh. Hey, we survived the storm!

449
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:20,167
(sniffing)
Oh, Narshall,
did you do that?

450
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,269
Nope. Wasn't me.

451
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,671
Well, then who was it?

452
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,673
(growling)

453
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,441
(Jed and Narshall
yelling)

454
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,177
A gorilla! Gorilla!

455
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,311
So that

456
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,012
really happened to Ted?

457
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:35,014
That is exactly
what went down.

458
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,849
Chapter and verse.

459
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,651
Uh-oh. Out of ice.

460
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,120
I'll get it.
Oh, no. Got
it. Sit down.

461
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:43,022
Plus, the, uh, vending machine's
got a loose coil.

462
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,424
I'm gonna try
to hip check my way

463
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,892
into some free
Tropical Skittles.

464
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,296
(chuckles)
(sighs)

465
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:52,131
Your sister's not
like most brides, is she?

466
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:55,134
She's a Scherbatsky.
She's not gonna lose her Timbits

467
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,003
just 'cause she's getting
married.

468
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:01,208
I guess some people
just never have that

469
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:05,011
"holy crap,
this is my wedding" moment.

470
00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:07,046
(humming softly)

471
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,254
Mom?

472
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,131
TED:
That's the story.

473
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,033
Right down
to the surprise ending.

474
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:29,035
Is that really such a surprise?

475
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,703
I mean, come on.

476
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,038
Yeah, of course she showed up.

477
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:35,074
What mother is gonna miss
her daughter's wedding?

478
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,149
Oh, hey.

479
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,185
No. Come on.
(sniffling)

480
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:48,588
It's okay. I'm fine.

481
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:51,090
I'm okay.

482
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:54,093
(sighs)

483
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:58,030
Did Barney really wear
a scuba suit into the bar?

484
00:19:58,064 --> 00:19:59,999
I've told you that story
a million times.

485
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,101
Yeah, but where did Barney get
the scuba suit?

486
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:04,904
(chuckles)
He stole it.

487
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:05,772
What?

488
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,106
Yeah.
(chuckles)

489
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:08,375
I can't believe
I forgot that.

490
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,610
He... walked right
into a sporting goods store,

491
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:13,513
tried on a scuba suit,
and walked right out the door.

492
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,015
Walked all the way home
in it, like, 20 blocks.

493
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,284
(chuckles)

494
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:18,585
(laughs)
Guy in a scuba suit,

495
00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:21,087
just walking down Broadway.
Ah.

496
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,589
He should be in prison.

497
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:25,392
Well, yeah, for lots of reasons.
(laughs)

498
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,126
You know, the thief
of the group is Lily.
No.

499
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:29,061
Yes. Oh, my God. Lily...
No. She stole my heart.

500
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:34,634
No, n-no, I'm telling you,
Lily, from like, uh...
* She might be in Tangier

501
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:39,238
* She left here
last early spring *

502
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:46,012
* Is livin' there, I hear

503
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:51,318
* Say for me
that I'm all right *

504
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:55,755
* Though things get
kind of slow *

505
00:20:55,788 --> 00:21:01,761
* She might think
that I've forgotten her *

506
00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:05,097
* Don't tell her it isn't so.

507
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:06,766
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