1 00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:04,372 NARRATOR: Kids, when your Uncle Marshall's bus broke down 2 00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:05,873 five miles away from the Farhampton Inn, 3 00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:07,141 he made a vow. 4 00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:09,210 I can walk that far. 5 00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:12,980 Yes. It was another exciting installment of... 6 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:19,187 * Marshall versus the machines 7 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,389 * Our hero starts his journey 8 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,824 * With steely-eyed resolve, but let's * 9 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,893 * Skip ahead to later 10 00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,895 * With a slow dissolve 11 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,864 * So tired, dehydrated 12 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:33,734 * Not making any sense 13 00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:36,937 * And wait a second, why is Bigfoot * 14 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,006 * Standing by that fence? 15 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,108 Oh. Hey. 16 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,009 You didn't see this. 17 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,113 * I'm not hallucinating 18 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,381 * Bigfoot really exists 19 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:51,252 * But everyone knows he quit smoking years ago * 20 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:54,021 * Oh, crap, I'm losing it... 21 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,490 (vehicle approaching) 22 00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,761 (horn honks) WOMAN: Excuse me. Hey. 23 00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,563 You guys need a lift? 24 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:05,266 NARRATOR: And that's how Marshall met your mother. 25 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,549 This is great. The whole gang together. 26 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,252 Well, almost the whole gang. 27 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:27,255 Yeah, there's just one beloved piece of the puzzle missing. 28 00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,892 A bottle of 30-year Glen McKenna scotch. 29 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,594 Mmm... (slurping) 30 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:34,995 NARRATOR: So far, that weekend 31 00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:37,898 had been fatal for not just one... 32 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,900 but two bottles of $600 scotch 33 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,803 intended for a special wedding toast. 34 00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:44,738 Also, where the hell is Marshall? 35 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:48,476 I still can't believe he took the judgeship behind my back. 36 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:52,112 Look, I know this is messy, my dream versus Marshall's dream. 37 00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:54,415 I won't force you guys to choose sides. 38 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,350 Good, because I totally side with Marshall. 39 00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:59,019 That would've been so awkward. 40 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,189 Hey, let's go see if they have any Glen McKenna up at the bar. 41 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,623 Okay. 42 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,192 Hey, look, don't be mad. 43 00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:06,093 Barney just thinks that if he has a judge friend, 44 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,330 he can get all of his citations for public urination thrown out. 45 00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,532 How often does Barney pee in public? 46 00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:14,001 A lot. 47 00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:15,536 But don't worry. 48 00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:16,837 I'm on your side. 49 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,206 Aw... (chuckles) 50 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:20,508 What's poppin', mi amigas? 51 00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:23,143 ROBIN: Oh, boy, who's this idiot? 52 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:27,047 LILY: And which one of us is he gonna try to make the sex on? 53 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,016 You both look beautiful tonight. 54 00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,385 ROBIN: Bro, going for the tricycle. 55 00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:35,623 (scoffs) Can you imagine having a three-way with this creep? 56 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:36,890 (chuckles) Yeah, right. 57 00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,559 You, me and this guy, 58 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,528 naked, going at it. 59 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:44,164 Then he gets tired and it's just you and me going at it. 60 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:46,334 ROBIN: Uh, Lily... That'd be so stupid. 61 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:49,470 So stupid... 62 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,639 ROBIN: Um, okay, I'll shoot him down. 63 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,908 By the way, I am so psyched for the wedding tomorrow, Robin. 64 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,744 I'm truly honored that you and Barney 65 00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,078 asked me to be a part of it. 66 00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:00,548 We're honored... 67 00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,250 you're here... 68 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,319 ...valued invitee. (chuckles) 69 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:06,487 (chuckles) 70 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,389 ROBIN: Help me. Who is this? 71 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:11,024 LILY: Maybe he's one of your long-lost Canadian cousins? 72 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:14,862 Uh, do you happen to have all of your fingers and teeth? 73 00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:17,398 Uh... yeah. (chuckles) 74 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,199 ROBIN: Not one of my cousins. 75 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,603 Hey, thanks again for picking us up. 76 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,538 It's been a crazy couple of days. 77 00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:26,374 You can't imagine what we've been through. 78 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,508 Wait, let me guess. 79 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:30,511 You were visiting a relative, 80 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,380 maybe... your mother? 81 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,547 And I'm getting 82 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,015 a Midwest vibe, 83 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,684 somewhere like... Wisconsin... 84 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,018 (scoffs) ...no, Minnesota? 85 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,620 Wow. 86 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,689 You're-you're, like, really good at this. 87 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,358 You're planning an overseas trip with your wife. 88 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,294 I'm seeing a... 89 00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,529 a feisty redhead who loves art. 90 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:49,430 She just got a job 91 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:50,798 in Europe, maybe France? 92 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,232 No. Italy? 93 00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:53,801 (gasps) 94 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,304 Total shot in the dark, but... 95 00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:57,471 Rome? 96 00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,376 Maybe I'll just, like... 97 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:03,577 I'll get out right here. (doors lock) 98 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:06,747 You're not going anywhere. 99 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,550 No, I'm just messin' with ya. 100 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,984 I rode the train with your wife. 101 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,486 She told me all about you. 102 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,654 You must be Marshall. 103 00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:19,993 Um... 104 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,395 I was checking on the baby. 105 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:22,996 (laughs) 106 00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,598 (laughing): Wait-wait a minute, wait a minute. 107 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,500 So you guys both got locked out 108 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,736 on the roof in your pajamas? 109 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:32,406 You guys are hilarious and adorable! 110 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,408 LILY: Any idea who this guy is? 111 00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,310 ROBIN: No, but I like that he gets 112 00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:38,679 how hilarious and adorable we are! 113 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,814 LILY: We are hilarious and adorable! 114 00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,616 (laughs) I'll get the next round. 115 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:43,984 Oh, thanks. 116 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,353 Thanks, Lil. 117 00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:48,822 Hey, I'm sorry if I barged in on you guys. 118 00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:50,358 I can be a little overeager 119 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,426 to connect sometimes. 120 00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:54,428 Probably because of my childhood. 121 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,829 Right. 122 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,165 Because of that thing that happened. 123 00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,933 My mother died on a hunting trip 124 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,969 when I was very young. 125 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,472 Yeah, that's it, that's the thing. 126 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:06,474 Sorry, blah, too heavy! 127 00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:07,475 (chuckles) 128 00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:08,476 So, Robin. 129 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,810 What's going on... 130 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,345 with you? 131 00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:12,880 Oh, nothing. 132 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,715 I mean, uh, nothing big, anyway. 133 00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,116 Hey, hey, hey... 134 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,586 this is me you're talking to. 135 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,155 Well, there is this thing with Lily... 136 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,691 You know, Ted, 137 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,393 if you really want to get a bottle 138 00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:27,327 of Glen McKenna 30-year for Barney, 139 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:29,963 I got that last one at the Farhampton Liquor Store. 140 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,232 The security there is a total joke! 141 00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:34,234 No, see, I don't want to know that. 142 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,737 I won't be an accomplice to grand larceny. 143 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,306 I am not confirming or denying a thing. 144 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,341 But there's a really high window in the storage room 145 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,643 and if you climb up... 146 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,545 La la la la la, I'm not listening! 147 00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:45,846 I love Barney, 148 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,314 but I'm not going to jail for him. 149 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,582 What? Really? Why not? 150 00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:49,817 I'd go to jail for you. 151 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,419 No, you wouldn't. Yes, I would. 152 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,520 Going to jail for your best friend? 153 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:53,721 That's the dream. 154 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:54,722 Really? 155 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,223 That's the dream? 156 00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:59,393 Yeah, it's the most noble-- nay, bro-ble-- 157 00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:01,662 thing a bro can do for a fellow bro. Mm-hmm. 158 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,331 So, yes, Ted, that's the dream. 159 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,667 You're too liberal with the phrase: "That's the dream." 160 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,335 Name one other time I've said that! 161 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,270 A suit made of prosciutto so you can eat your way naked, 162 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,572 "That's the dream." 163 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,774 A pack of lions fighting a tyrannosaurus, 164 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:14,842 "That's the dream." 165 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:15,943 Being able to take 166 00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,077 a whole year's worth of dumps 167 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,679 in one, nonstop 24-hour period 168 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:19,847 then not having to dump again 169 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:20,848 for the rest of the year, 170 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,082 "That's the dream." 171 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:24,518 I never said Dump Day was the dream. 172 00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:27,054 I said science is this close to a pill. 173 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,056 There can only be one "the dream"! 174 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:31,224 You're saying it's going to jail for a bro? 175 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,392 You're comfortable with that being 176 00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:34,161 the one and only dream, forever? 177 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,430 Yes. 178 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,766 Great, now you can never use that phrase again. 179 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,568 And for me, that's the dream. 180 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:43,036 Hey, Lily, Robin just told me about Italy! 181 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,573 Oh, yeah, it's gonna be great. 182 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,975 Well, that is, if I can convince my husband 183 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,877 to keep his promise and move there with me. 184 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,278 Robin, I know 185 00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,113 you told me you want Marshall to win, 186 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,314 but I don't know. 187 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:56,116 I gotta side with Lily on this one. 188 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,284 Later, skaters. 189 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:03,457 Thanks again for saving us. 190 00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,425 Well, I don't normally stop like that, 191 00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:08,428 but I just had to for the cutest hitchhiker in the world! 192 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,598 Thank you. 193 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,500 Oh, you were talking about Marvin. 194 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:15,669 (Marvin coos) Sorry, it's been a really, really long day. 195 00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:17,471 When we get there, I'll buy you a drink. 196 00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:20,608 Thank you, but, um, after I drop you off, 197 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,910 I'm heading back to the city. 198 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,177 What? I thought you said that 199 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,145 your-your band's playing the wedding. 200 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,079 Why are you leaving? 201 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,280 The lead singer. 202 00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:28,348 He's the devil. 203 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:29,817 He's a total fire-starter. 204 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:30,951 He just ruins people's lives 205 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,486 for his own amusement. 206 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,454 You know, he will walk up to two friends, 207 00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:36,156 he will find the one thing 208 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:39,292 that will destroy their friendship and just-- poof!-- 209 00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:40,961 burn it to the ground. 210 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,262 Wow. 211 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,531 What's his name? 212 00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,500 What's poppin', mi amigos? 213 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,168 THE MOTHER: Darren. 214 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,308 You're rooting for Marshall?! 215 00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:57,277 Well, why don't you just get 216 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,478 a Team Marshall T-shirt? 217 00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,479 What size are you? 218 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:00,514 Extra-traitor? 219 00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:02,315 No. No, okay... 220 00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,484 What I said was... 221 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:06,019 See, all I meant was... 222 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:07,688 God, how did we get here? 223 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:10,023 That's the question you're left asking yourself. 224 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,659 So here's how he does it: 225 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,327 First, he makes you feel like you are 226 00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:15,663 the most hilarious 227 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,998 and adorable person in the world... 228 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,499 You guys are hilarious 229 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:20,734 and adorable! 230 00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,369 TED: I like that he gets 231 00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:24,504 how hilarious and adorable we are. 232 00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,740 BARNEY: We are hilarious and adorable. 233 00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:28,241 (laughing) 234 00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:30,510 Next, he finds some flimsy connection with you 235 00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:31,745 based on where you're from... 236 00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:32,846 Cleveland? Yeah. 237 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,514 Galluci's serves the 238 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:35,716 best pepperoni bread! Best pepperoni bread! 239 00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,417 And Staten Island! 240 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,920 Guys getting in fights on their front lawns! 241 00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,755 It's like you're from there! 242 00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,190 (laughing) 243 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,158 TED: This guy's awesome! 244 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,760 BARNEY: So awesome! 245 00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,495 TED: I'd totally go to jail for him. 246 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,064 BARNEY: That hurts. 247 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:54,534 Next, he tells you a "deep personal secret" 248 00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,203 that is usually the tragic back-story 249 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,504 from an animated kid's film. 250 00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,107 My mother died on a hunting trip. 251 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,508 It's often Bambi. 252 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,011 My father was betrayed and killed 253 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,046 by a trusted advisor. 254 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,716 Sometimes he'll throw a little Lion King in there. 255 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,784 I have no family. 256 00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:12,586 But tonight... 257 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,554 I think maybe I found two brothers. 258 00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:16,223 (sobs) 259 00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,225 Sorry, blah, too heavy. 260 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,526 (crying): That's okay, man. 261 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,294 (crying): Let me get you a drink. 262 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:23,263 THE MOTHER: And then, once your guard is down, 263 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,799 the emotional prostate exam begins... 264 00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:26,967 So, Ted, 265 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,569 what's going on... with you? 266 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,706 Well... I mean, there was this thing... 267 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,074 Never mind. 268 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,475 Hey, hey, hey... 269 00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:37,645 This is me you're talking to. 270 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,381 Look, all I meant 271 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,383 was that there are two sides here. 272 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,384 Yes... 273 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,219 Italy is your dream, 274 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,755 but being a judge is Marshall's. 275 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:48,789 Well, that 276 00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:49,757 and teaching prop comedy 277 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,058 to a tropical bird. 278 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,393 Parrot Top has nothing to do with this! 279 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,295 I don't need objectivity. 280 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:58,298 You're my best friend; I just need your support. 281 00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,967 I understand. You got it. 282 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,334 (sighs) I'm sorry. 283 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,435 Oh, me, too. 284 00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:04,004 Forgot my phone. 285 00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,906 I'm sorry, you guys are probably talking wedding details. 286 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,507 I mean, no maid of honor's gonna steal the spotlight 287 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,942 with her own problem 288 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:10,243 on the bride's big weekend, am I right? 289 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,979 Keep it real, homies! 290 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,183 You know, he is right. 291 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,018 Why is this all about you? 292 00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,319 I mean, you have been preoccupied 293 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,587 with Marshall all weekend. 294 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,155 I have not! 295 00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:23,957 You have been sleeping with a doll made of cushions 296 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,292 that you named after him. 297 00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:26,626 Not true! 298 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:27,961 After we do our business, 299 00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:29,496 I make Marshpillow sleep on the couch! 300 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,631 So there! Oh, my God, that is so ridiculous! 301 00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:33,033 So, what did Darren do to you? 302 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,335 Well, a few years ago, I started this band. 303 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,104 And, you know, it was a goof-- 304 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:40,173 it was just me and a couple of dorks from business school. 305 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:42,810 I'm actually embarrassed to tell you our name. 306 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,511 I had an all-lawyer funk band 307 00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:46,814 called The Funk, The Whole Funk, And Nothing But The Funk. 308 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:49,316 Oh, I now feel very safe talking about my band-- 309 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,517 Super-Freak-Onomics. 310 00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,385 Nice. (laughs) Anyway, 311 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,888 I brought Darren in to split lead vocals, 312 00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:56,323 and he took over. 313 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:58,225 You know, first he took away my solos, 314 00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,893 then I got demoted to backup vocals, 315 00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:02,129 and now the only time I use a mic 316 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:05,065 is after Darren's first false exit, when I say, 317 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,034 "Do you guys want more Darren?" 318 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,301 And then today, 319 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:11,304 I found this ad online. 320 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,673 "Ass player wanted"? 321 00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:14,708 Move your thumb. 322 00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:16,409 Oh, "bass player wanted." 323 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:19,046 Wait, he was gonna kick you out of your own band? 324 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,380 Yeah. 325 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,483 But instead... I quit. 326 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,518 You quit?! That's it? 327 00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:27,921 But it's your band-- you must be avenged! 328 00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:29,656 (laughs): Funny you should say that, 329 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,726 because as I was leaving the hotel, I ran into someone. 330 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:36,563 You need to steal this douche monkey's van. 331 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,932 Aldrin Justice, nice! 332 00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,868 Your wife is cool. 333 00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,936 Oh, the coolest. 334 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:45,538 Hey, did she, um, happen to mention 335 00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,040 the fact that I'm sort of ruining 336 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,508 her dream of moving to Italy? 337 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,278 Uh, yeah, that did come up. 338 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:54,647 You need to steal this douche monkey's van. 339 00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:56,716 And then run 340 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,952 my husband over with it. 341 00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:01,421 I think you've got a tough talk coming. 342 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:02,890 Yeah, well, so do you. 343 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,858 When we get to the Farhampton Inn, 344 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,693 you're gonna go in there and you're gonna stand up to Darren. 345 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,362 Oh, come on, I Aldrin Justiced him. 346 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:10,898 Yeah, but I bet you're just gonna give 347 00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,632 this van right back to him. 348 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,701 I mean, were you at least gonna pee in it a little? 349 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,471 I was gonna gas it up and get it washed. 350 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,207 You're too nice. 351 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,809 I'm the same way. 352 00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,710 Sometimes you got to get in there 353 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,145 and-and stand up for yourself. 354 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,747 I always cave and side with the other person. 355 00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,649 I can't handle confrontation. 356 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:30,750 Yes, you can. 357 00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:32,219 You make some good points. 358 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,087 Look. 359 00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:37,057 I don't know you, but I can tell that you're strong. 360 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,459 That's your band. 361 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,795 Don't let Darren steal it away. 362 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,131 (sighs) 363 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:45,999 No, there's no defeating the devil. 364 00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:48,601 He's someone else's problem now. 365 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,104 I'm sorry if I've been 366 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,439 distracted this weekend. 367 00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,774 Oh, let's not fight anymore, okay? 368 00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,444 Oh, good, Robin, you finally told Lily 369 00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:58,812 you feel like she's abandoning you as a friend 370 00:12:58,846 --> 00:12:59,980 by going to Italy. 371 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:02,816 Honesty is progress. Stay gold. 372 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,252 I'm not... 373 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,686 Ooh, Ted. (indistinct chatter) 374 00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:07,754 When you move to Chicago, 375 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,323 you got to try Gazzola's pizza. 376 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:11,624 Namaste, hermanos. 377 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,101 You're moving to Chicago? 378 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,703 Is that even a real place? 379 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,272 It's a style of pizza. 380 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,040 Ted, you can't live in a pizza. 381 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:29,109 I got an amazing job offer there. 382 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,478 Look, Lily knows, but Marshall and Robin don't. 383 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:32,779 So please keep it quiet. 384 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:36,116 (loudly): You're moving to Chicago?! 385 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,552 He-he's moving to Chicago! 386 00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,288 When do you move? 387 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,656 At least tell me it's not until next year or something. 388 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:46,626 It's not until... 389 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,727 Monday. 390 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,030 Monday?! 391 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:53,533 So you are just gonna disappear the day after my wedding? 392 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:56,336 After ten years of being best friends? 393 00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,471 Well, actually, Marshall's my... Don't even think about it! 394 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,474 That's fair enough. You are gonna give me one day's notice? 395 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:04,244 Well, I didn't want to upset you on your wedding weekend. 396 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,678 No, it's good. 397 00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:06,980 It'll be easy to say good-bye 398 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,715 now that I know how much I mean to you. 399 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:11,118 Well... (sighs) 400 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,656 Hey. 401 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,591 Hey. 402 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:19,927 I was... 403 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,229 I was never really rooting for Marshall. 404 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:25,365 I was rooting to not lose my best friend. 405 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,101 But that's selfish. 406 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:29,736 No matter where you go, 407 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:32,039 I'm in your corner and I always will be. 408 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,041 And to prove it... 409 00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:40,613 What are you gonna do with Marshpillow? 410 00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:42,182 Hold his arms back 411 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,351 while you beat the goose down out of this bastard. 412 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,054 'Cause that's what best friends do. 413 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,922 Thanks, it-it's not gonna help. 414 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:50,457 Try it. One punch. 415 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,895 Ooh, that felt good. 416 00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,130 Mm-hmm. 417 00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:58,431 (grunting) Yeah, that's it, sweetheart. 418 00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:01,834 Head, body, head. Head, body, head. 419 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,239 Barney, wait, wait! 420 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:07,607 Your friendship is important to me. 421 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,142 I swear on my mother's... 422 00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:10,543 No, I swear to God. 423 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,279 No... I swear to Hef. 424 00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:14,747 (gasps) Don't take that name in vain. 425 00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:18,485 If someone is important to you, you tell them you're moving. 426 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:21,989 I'm just some guy you used to know back in New York. 427 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,756 Hey. 428 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:27,995 Whoa. 429 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,496 How...? 430 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,803 (crashing, glass breaking) 431 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:39,339 That's a $600 bottle. 432 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,574 Ted, that's grand larceny. 433 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,476 You really could go to jail for this. 434 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:46,613 That's the dream. 435 00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,116 So... 436 00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,850 you're moving to Chicago. 437 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:53,353 I'm going to Chicago. 438 00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,155 Why? I know Marshall and Lily might leave, 439 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,024 but it's only a year, and in the meantime, 440 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,758 we'll still see each other all the time. 441 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,127 You, me, Robin... 442 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,664 Oh. 443 00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:09,069 I need a new start. 444 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,539 I'm gonna miss you. 445 00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,574 I'm gonna miss you so much. 446 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:20,347 Well, here we are. 447 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,481 Good luck in there. 448 00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,682 Thank you. 449 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,284 And don't worry, 450 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,652 at the reception, I'll yell, 451 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,854 "The lead singer sucks skunk junk," 452 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,156 after every song. 453 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,190 (laughing) 454 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:31,191 I'll come up with something 455 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,725 better than "skunk junk." 456 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:33,793 No, no. 457 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,096 "Skunk junk" is pretty solid. 458 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,500 You can't yell that at the lead singer. 459 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,836 Because I don't suck skunk junk. 460 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,505 Wait, are you saying...? 461 00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:48,075 I'm coming in. Darren and I are gonna have a chat 462 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,909 about my band! 463 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,344 (whoops) 464 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,580 MARVIN: Skunk junk. 465 00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:59,686 For the record... Uh-huh. 466 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,688 his first word 467 00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,390 was "Mommy." 468 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:04,557 Mm-hmm. 469 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:07,394 This is my band. I started it. 470 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:11,231 And if anyone is getting fired here, it's you, Darren. 471 00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:12,699 So hit the bricks, 472 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,401 s-skunk... 473 00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,336 junk. 474 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,605 Is that even a little bit intimidating? 475 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:21,007 Nope, and the knitting's not helping. 476 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,010 I'm sorry, I just met this baby and he needs a hat. 477 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,912 You can't fire Darren. 478 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,948 He gets how hilarious and adorable I am. 479 00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:31,284 Plus it is so inspiring 480 00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:35,122 how he overcame his mother being eaten by a barracuda. 481 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,124 Gah! It's Finding Nemo. 482 00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,425 (sighs) 483 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,726 That's new. 484 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,563 There's no defeating the devil. 485 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:45,632 New plan. Linus, if at any point 486 00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,634 tonight you see me with an empty glass... 487 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,068 Kennedy package. 488 00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,570 It's a very popular choice this weekend. 489 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,405 Thank you, Linus. 490 00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,641 (grunting) Yup. 491 00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:58,411 Uh, Lily? 492 00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:00,480 Lily. 493 00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,115 MARSHALL: Lily. 494 00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:16,229 Pause? 495 00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:18,531 Pause. 496 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,504 Oh... 497 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:29,676 Thank you, Linus. 498 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,611 Mm-hmm. 499 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:34,181 There are real villains in this world. 500 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:38,117 But they don't always get real justice, do they? 501 00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,787 You want to believe karma's gonna get them. 502 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,189 All right, who wants a drink? 503 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,290 I'm stealing. 504 00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,192 (all cheer) 505 00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,794 But karma doesn't 506 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,429 always come through. 507 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,298 I love how strong your marriage is. 508 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,799 And you don't need to lose weight, Louise, 509 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,367 no matter what he told me. 510 00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,469 Catch you on the flip-flop, muchachos. 511 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,305 Oh! (groans) 512 00:18:58,338 --> 00:18:59,539 (guffaws) 513 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,341 Sorry, mi amigos. 514 00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:04,677 I guess you have to accept that sometimes in life... 515 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,215 ...you just don't get that knockout punch. 516 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,216 (punch smacking) 517 00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:12,151 (grunt) 518 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,656 (all laughing) 519 00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:18,291 Hey, can I get some ice? 520 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:20,793 The best man just punched me in the face for no reason. 521 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:21,828 (laughs) 522 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,730 Oh, what, that's funny to you? 523 00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:24,997 You know what? I quit. 524 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,833 You can have your stupid band back. 525 00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:30,870 I miss being in a band where people are decent to each other 526 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,372 and there's no drama. 527 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,674 I'm going back to the new Guns N' Roses. 528 00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:38,978 Linus, whoever that best man is, 529 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:42,315 I would like to buy him a double of your finest scotch. 530 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,884 * You started a band 531 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:47,887 * That was cool for a while 532 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,390 * But it turned pretty bland 533 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:53,826 * I started a fight 534 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:56,062 * With a neighbor next door 535 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,698 * And his pesky wife... 536 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,400 Here you go. 537 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,269 Is this from one of you guys? 538 00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:04,070 Nah. Uh-uh. No. 539 00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,738 Okay. 540 00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:07,607 * And hate even more when you're not * 541 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,875 Well... this is incredible. 542 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,009 What is this? 543 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,178 It's the Glen McKenna 35-year. 544 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,113 Wait a minute. 545 00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,516 This whole time, you had Glen McKenna 35-year? 546 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,917 Why didn't you say something? 547 00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,786 You didn't ask about the 35. 548 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,754 NARRATOR: And, kids, that's the first drink 549 00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,323 your mother ever bought me. 550 00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:34,401 Hey, Barney, I'm so sorry I missed your rehearsal dinner. 551 00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,935 Oh, that's okay. 552 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:39,372 We didn't even know you weren't here, jerk. 553 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,274 Listen, I know that it can't make up for being late, 554 00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:43,242 but I did get you a-a special gift. 555 00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:45,144 Well, hand it over, fathead. 556 00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,246 Well, you might want to wait until after the wedding photos. 557 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,882 Hand it over now, travel breath. 558 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,084 Okay, Barney, I'll hand it over. 559 00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,321 Oh, God, it's the next slap! 560 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,222 I don't know why I was so obnoxious. 561 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,291 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org