1 00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,138 NARRATOR: Kids, Barney's mom had this blouse 2 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:06,207 that she absolutely loved, 3 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,042 but then Robin won it in a poker game, 4 00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:10,144 which led to some slight awkwardness. 5 00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:13,881 You won the battle... but I'll win the war. 6 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,883 Game on, bitch. 7 00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:19,187 BARNEY: Please, Mom, I need you to just be cool. 8 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,854 Okay, can you do that for me? 9 00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:21,889 For you, yes. 10 00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:23,224 And for Robin? 11 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,758 (scoffs) She's gonna be 12 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,694 your daughter in 33 hours. 13 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:27,661 Daughter in law. 14 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,029 Making it illegal 15 00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:30,998 for you not to treat her like a daughter. 16 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,400 In-lawyered. 17 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,502 Please, Mom. 18 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,238 All Robin wants to do is put this whole thing behind her 19 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:40,040 so she can get married and put this whole thing behind her. 20 00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:42,009 Ah! Get-this-over-with-quickly so-we-can 21 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,045 move-past-how-awkward-it-was that-I-just-said-that five! 22 00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,047 Fine. If Robin's ready to bury the hatchet, 23 00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:49,917 then I guess I'm ready to bury the hatchet. 24 00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:52,586 Morning, bitches. Like my new blouse? 25 00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:54,455 Oh, hell, no! No, Mom. Mom! 26 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:55,589 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 27 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:03,664 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 28 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,771 NARRATOR: Kids, not far from the Farhampton Inn, 29 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:11,772 there's a lighthouse. 30 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,707 It's a really special place, 31 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,144 and that morning I wanted to see it for myself. 32 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,378 There was just one problem. 33 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,747 Look, I'm sorry, Ted, but-but 34 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,383 I can't in good faith send a lonely guy like yourself 35 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,618 to the top of a very romantic, 36 00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:27,455 and more to the point, a very tall lighthouse. 37 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,323 (whistles, blows raspberry) 38 00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:31,959 I don't want your blood on my hands, 39 00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:34,928 and I mean that literally, because it would be my job to... 40 00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:37,165 to hose down the rocks. 41 00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,300 NARRATOR: Now, late the night before, 42 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:42,069 thanks to Marshall's travel companion, Daphne, 43 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,805 Lily had received some unsettling news. 44 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,440 I'm gonna be a judge. 45 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,642 NARRATOR: Screwing up their whole plan to move to Italy. 46 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:49,843 She wasn't happy. 47 00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,479 Yes, I'm in a rotten mood. 48 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,080 No, I don't want to talk about it. 49 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,448 Yes, this has booze in it. 50 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:55,949 No, it's not my first. 51 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,252 You want to make this brunch a drunch? 52 00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:00,321 You do you, I'm not gonna judge. 53 00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:03,023 I'm gonna be a judge. 54 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,725 Judge. 55 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,430 Thank you, Linus. 56 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,931 NARRATOR: As for Marshall and Daphne, 57 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,366 they got caught in that big storm. 58 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,768 Luckily, they had a place to crash for the night. 59 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,770 My childhood home. 60 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:20,007 Okay, that sign might not have been there. 61 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,543 Thank you so much for letting us stay the night, Mrs. Mosby. 62 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:23,811 Oh, it's our pleasure. 63 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,846 I'm just glad that storm has passed. Oh. 64 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,981 But there's one storm that hasn't passed, 65 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,950 isn't there, Marshall? 66 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,985 Hey, Clint. 67 00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,854 CLINT: You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Marshall? 68 00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,155 I'm talking about the one that's been raining 69 00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:38,659 cats and dogs all over this-this, this friendship. 70 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,160 This isn't a friendship. 71 00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,529 Oh. 72 00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,464 Nice. 73 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,200 We're reluctant travel companions. 74 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,568 Well, little known fact about me. 75 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,036 I'm an almost-graduate 76 00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:52,139 of the Conflict Resolution program over at... at Tri-C. 77 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:55,175 I even had my own practice at Van Aken Plaza 78 00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:56,210 before the manager of the Wendy's 79 00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,212 made me stop hogging the booth. 80 00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:00,881 The point is, I can fix this. 81 00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,516 Oh, I don't know, Clint. 82 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:03,984 (strums upbeat melody) 83 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,153 * Gonna resolve some conflicts 84 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,555 * Gonna resolve some conflicts * 85 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,990 * Gonna make a deeper understanding * 86 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,592 * Through mediation. 87 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,594 Okay, you know what? We have to hit the road. 88 00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:17,164 But, um, Mrs. Mosby, do you mind if I take this mug? 89 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,832 I would very much like 90 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,901 to make fun of Ted next time I see him. 91 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,169 Of course. 92 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,671 You know, when Ted was seven, 93 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,240 he and his best friend took this Wild West photo 94 00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,608 together at Geauga Lake. 95 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,076 I could go look for it. 96 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,511 We really should get going. 97 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,679 His best friend was a balloon. 98 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:32,846 What's a few more minutes? 99 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,915 Yeah, you're gonna want that. 100 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,351 So... what's everyone doing this morning? 101 00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:39,920 Oh, well, I kind of feel like playing some tennis. 102 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,289 Maybe we should reserve a court. 103 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:42,656 Court. 104 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,528 Thank you, Linus. 105 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,563 Pancakes and eggs, Robin? 106 00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:52,733 I guess that blouse won't be loose and flowy for long. 107 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:53,534 Mom... 108 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,602 Keep talking, Loretta. 109 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,970 I've been waiting all morning to... 110 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,739 ketchup. 111 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,073 Oops. 112 00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:04,044 You're not supposed to put ketchup on scrambled eggs. 113 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,779 Right, Loretta, because 114 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,115 you're the queen of scrambled eggs. 115 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:08,982 BARNEY: Actually, that's 116 00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,551 exactly what she is. 117 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,719 When Mom was 118 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,053 a groupie in the '70s, 119 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,624 her scrambled eggs made her the darling of the MSG loading dock. 120 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,992 Lot of songs written about those scrambled eggs. 121 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,794 ZZ Top's "She's Got Legs"? 122 00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:22,496 Originally "She's Got Eggs." 123 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:23,331 Led Zeppelin? 124 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:24,765 "Scramble On." 125 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,133 Steve Miller? 126 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,468 "The Yolker." 127 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,803 If you listen to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon 128 00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:32,806 while eating her eggs, it lines up perfectly. 129 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:36,176 While I'm sure it was your mother's cooking skills 130 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:39,913 that made her so popular with Zed Zed Top and their ilk, 131 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,482 I know for a fact 132 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:44,084 that she does not make the best scrambled eggs. 133 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,421 Because my mom makes the best scrambled eggs. 134 00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,189 (gasps) 135 00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:50,991 NARRATOR: Kids, we've known your Aunt Robin 136 00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:52,993 for eight years at that point, 137 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,162 and here's what we knew about her mom. 138 00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:56,129 My mom is terrified of flying. 139 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:57,931 (bell dings) 140 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,933 My mom got stung by a jellyfish. 141 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,268 (bell dings) 142 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,803 My mom makes the best scrambled eggs. 143 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,037 (bell dings) 144 00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,006 NARRATOR: And... that's everything. 145 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,175 In fact, she should be here any minute. 146 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,477 Barney, 147 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,311 maybe she can cook you some real scrambled eggs 148 00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:13,113 so you can see what you've been missing. 149 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,383 Don't do this, Robin. You can't win the egg war. 150 00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:17,150 Canadian scrambled eggs, how quaint. 151 00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:19,353 Does your mom put maple syrup on them? 152 00:05:19,387 --> 00:05:21,355 Ha, ha, ha, this is all very friendly. 153 00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:22,790 (whispering): Get out of this now. 154 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,192 Why not? We put maple syrup on everything else. 155 00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,028 BARNEY: Aw. 156 00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,564 That's it! 157 00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:32,833 We need your omelet station. 158 00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:36,236 My son's fiancée is about to get served... 159 00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,572 some delicious scrambled eggs. 160 00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:41,875 Or I could go out to the driveway and eat some gravel. 161 00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,143 (soft grunt) 162 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,312 Wait. Sorry. Did you say gravel or gavel? 163 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,680 Gravel. Why would I say gavel? 164 00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:47,881 Gavel. 165 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:52,019 (sighs) 166 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,153 Thank you, Linus. 167 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,022 Curtis, can I please 168 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,090 have a map to the lighthouse? 169 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,992 It's a very romantic lighthouse. 170 00:05:59,026 --> 00:05:59,993 I can't even have a map? 171 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:02,262 It's a very romantic map. 172 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,197 I can't let you go without a date. 173 00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,733 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 174 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,101 What happened to that girl Cassie? Cassie? 175 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,103 NARRATOR: Cassie was the girl I'd spent 176 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,772 the entire previous night consoling. 177 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:15,008 Just consoling. 178 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,009 Yeah, that's not happening. 179 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,045 NARRATOR: And then, in her anger, 180 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,913 Lily gave me a piece of advice 181 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,248 about which she would later say... 182 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:24,351 Oh, mama, that was some bad advice. 183 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,253 Okay, here's why you're an idiot. 184 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,589 Did you find Cassie attractive? 185 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:31,892 I guess. Is she a relatively normal height? 186 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:34,762 Yeah. So end up with her already. 187 00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,764 God, do you really think 188 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,866 that you're gonna find some perfect girl 189 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:42,102 who checks off every item on your list? 190 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,403 Well, not every item. 191 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:45,873 I mean, she doesn't have to share my love for coins. 192 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,075 Although it would be nice, just once, 193 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:51,645 not to have to go stag to Coin-Con. 194 00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,947 Pull your head out of your ass, Mosby. 195 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:57,084 Do you think Marshall always makes me happy? 196 00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,053 I mean, sometimes being with him is a real trial. 197 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,155 Real trial. 198 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,256 Huh. 199 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:04,992 Did it to myself that time. 200 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:08,762 Look, Ted, it's time to settle. 201 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,831 Take this normal-sized chick up to the lighthouse 202 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:12,165 and fall in love with her 203 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:16,069 and quit bothering us with your dumb love life stuff. 204 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,106 God, I am so sick of being smarter than everyone else. 205 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:21,675 You're slipping, Linus. 206 00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:24,044 We're running out of glasses. 207 00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,953 Do you want to just go to the stupid lighthouse? 208 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,988 Ooh, zitch dog. 209 00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:36,590 Cocker spaniel in the Jetta. 210 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,792 That's Marshall Eriksen-- 28, 211 00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:39,860 Daphne-- zero. 212 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,595 For the 28th time, 213 00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,864 I'm not playing your stupid game! 214 00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,132 Oh, stupid, huh? 215 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,333 That's great. 216 00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,335 I guess Daphne gets to pick the music 217 00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,971 and crap all over my fun road-trip games. 218 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:53,006 (sighs) You know, maybe Clint was right. 219 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,208 Maybe we do need conflict resolution. 220 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:56,376 I knew you guys would come around. 221 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:59,212 (Daphne and Marshall screaming) 222 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,686 NARRATOR: And so I made up my mind to settle for Cassie. 223 00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,488 So, um, what kind of music do you like? 224 00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:11,091 Hmm... nothing. 225 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,328 NARRATOR: Still, I felt optimistic. 226 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,330 After all, Cassie was cute and single 227 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,867 and heck, it's not like the universe was telling us 228 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,168 we shouldn't be together. 229 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,876 Here we are. Enjoy. 230 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,043 Remember: happy wife, happy life. 231 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:31,579 Pretend they're just okay. 232 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:34,615 Please, Lily, I think I can manage to... 233 00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,718 Oh, my God. 234 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:38,919 I'm eight years old again, 235 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,087 and life is perfect, 236 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,723 and I haven't peed my shorts in front of 350 Webelos 237 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:45,325 at the Pinewood Derby Regionals in Wheeling, West Virginia. 238 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,526 I'm sorry, Robin. 239 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,928 What do you think, Lily? 240 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,497 Oh, my God, they are so delicious. 241 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,933 Even more delicious than finding out Barney peed himself 242 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,736 at the Pinewood Derby Regionals in Wheeling, West Virginia. 243 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,237 I'm sorry, Robin. 244 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:58,205 Mmm. Come on, 245 00:08:58,238 --> 00:08:59,206 they can't be that good. 246 00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,108 Oh! 247 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,010 Excuse me, Mrs. Stinson, some of our guests 248 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,912 smelled your scrambled eggs and were wondering 249 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,947 if you could make some for them as well. 250 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,782 (laughing): Oh, I don't think I should... 251 00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:12,019 CROWD (chanting): Eggs! Eggs! Eggs! Eggs! Eggs! Eggs! 252 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,386 Eggs! Eggs! (sighs) 253 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:14,922 Clint, what are you doing here? 254 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:17,591 What the Ohio State Board of Holistic Medicine has repeatedly 255 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:20,961 told me I'm in no way qualified to do: my job. 256 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:24,097 When I see a conflict needs resolving, I must act. 257 00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,033 Plus, Ted's mom wanted me out of the house. 258 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,135 So, today, we're gonna build a new paradigm 259 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,803 of understanding, 260 00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,472 and then you're gonna swoop me on back to Shaker Heights. 261 00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:33,573 Oh, I need to stop 262 00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,108 at Record Rev on Coventry. 263 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,376 My vaporizer's ready. 264 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,078 Marshall, pull over and dump this hippie 265 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,279 on the side of the road. 266 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,748 I can't do that. 267 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,382 CLINT: * Gonna resolve some conflicts * 268 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,117 * Gonna resolve some conflicts 269 00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:45,485 Daphne picks the music. 270 00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,987 * Gonna end this argument 271 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,555 * Between Marshall and his mistress. * 272 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,323 Oh, come on. Daphne picks the music! 273 00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:53,226 Ow! Stupid racecar! 274 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,395 This is why children should not have toys! 275 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,297 Look, maybe this lighthouse thing isn't such a good idea. 276 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,331 No, you don't. 277 00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:00,133 You committed, 278 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,169 and so did I, so let's go. 279 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,305 Oh. Ow! Oh! 280 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,140 Actually, it's feeling better. (laughs) 281 00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:08,776 Ow! Oh! No, it's not. 282 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,844 Oh. (whimpering) 283 00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:12,612 Mom, I don't know why your phone is off. 284 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,782 Maybe you left your charger in the pickup truck. 285 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:15,949 (bell dings) 286 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:17,918 But I need you to get here as fast as possible. 287 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:18,986 I know you're probably gonna want 288 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,187 to take a hot bath when you get in. 289 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,121 (bell dings) 290 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,089 She fits in a bathtub. 291 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,124 That's good news. Unless... 292 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,126 Oh, God, how big are Canadian bathtubs? 293 00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,161 (bell dings) LORETTA: People ever line up 294 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,697 like this for your mom's eggs? 295 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:33,600 Loretta, even I could make better eggs than this. 296 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,335 Oh, I'd love it if you'd come teach me 297 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:36,536 how to make scrambled eggs. 298 00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,438 It's a scramble-off, everybody! 299 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,473 A scramble-off to the death! 300 00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,843 Someone go watch for the cops! 301 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,945 Maybe we should have read up on this town 302 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,147 before booking our wedding. 303 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,950 Let's do some, "When you... I feel." 304 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,218 All right, for example, 305 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:54,621 when you don't do trust falls, 306 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:58,726 I feel like you should do trust falls. 307 00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:01,194 So just do the damn trust falls. 308 00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,295 I'm driving a car, Clint. 309 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,864 Okay, 310 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:06,700 uh, Daphne, when you say "Drill, baby, drill" 311 00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:09,536 every time that we pass a gas station, 312 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,471 I feel invalidated. 313 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,007 Marshall, when you talk, I feel shut up! 314 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,909 That's very good, both of you. 315 00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:17,711 Really? Both of us? 316 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:20,013 Name one energy that's better than oil. 317 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,414 Wind, solar, hydroelectric. 318 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,083 You see what I've been dealing with, Clint? 319 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,252 * The sticky petroleum clings... * 320 00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:26,586 Please not now, Clint. 321 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:29,256 * To the pelican's broken wings * 322 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:33,060 * Hey, Mr. Oilman, what have you done... * 323 00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:35,095 Stop, stop, stop, please. Enough! Clint, 324 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,897 (Marvin crying) I'm tired of your beard and I'm tired 325 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:39,099 of this stupid therapy session. And I'm tired 326 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:42,569 of the way that your songs have a-a laxative effect on Marvin! 327 00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:44,571 And on me. Every time Clint starts singing, 328 00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,173 I just got to go. Yeah. 329 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:50,177 It's like, uh, the only trust fall when you sing 330 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:54,081 is that I "trust" that a piece of poop 331 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:57,717 is gonna "fall" out of my son's butt. 332 00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,086 (laughs) 333 00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:01,721 Hey, Clint, how about that? 334 00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,123 You got us to agree on something. Yeah. 335 00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:06,059 We both think you're a loser. (laughs) 336 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,128 This therapy works. 337 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,763 No! 338 00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:11,698 That is not the way therapy works at all! 339 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,600 Do you think this is some kind of a joke?! 340 00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,202 This is my career! 341 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,971 I will not go back to coaching the Browns! 342 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,039 Why can't people take 343 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,573 what I do seriously?! 344 00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,476 God! (grunting) 345 00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:26,079 (Marvin crying) 346 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:28,081 (strained): Oh, my God. One more. 347 00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:31,284 Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, my God. 348 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,887 (panting) 349 00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:36,957 God, that was a lot of stairs. I'm exhausted. 350 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,959 My chest is on fire. 351 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,393 Oh. 352 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:44,464 Ooh! So, Mr. Arch-itect, 353 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,166 what do we do now? 354 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:49,169 Fall in love or something? 355 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,171 NARRATOR: And, kids, as I stood on that lighthouse 356 00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:54,274 and looked at that girl, I felt something happen inside me, 357 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,910 something that had only happened one other time 358 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,745 in my entire adult life. 359 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,981 (retches) 360 00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,515 ROBIN: Okay, scrambled eggs. 361 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,251 Here we go. 362 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,453 Where is the egg opener? 363 00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:10,657 Never mind. I'll pre-scramble them. It's fine. 364 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,461 Okay, fine, Loretta. You know what? You win. 365 00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:15,262 I don't know how 366 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,464 to cook egg. 367 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:19,466 If you don't even know how to make scrambled eggs, 368 00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:20,868 I just worry what kind of breakfast 369 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,370 you're gonna be serving my grandchildren. 370 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,172 Well, lucky you 371 00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:28,541 because that is one thing you won't ever have to worry about. 372 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,819 Mom, Robin can't have kids. 373 00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,961 Every single job I take on, it's always the same! 374 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,697 "The coffee maker has to stay in the office, Clint!" 375 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:54,501 "You still have to wear pants on Casual Friday, Clint!" 376 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:55,402 "We didn't 377 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,703 hire you, Clint!" 378 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,071 Well, God, I'm-I'm... 379 00:13:58,105 --> 00:13:59,672 I'm just sick of it. I'm si... 380 00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:03,010 Ow. Ow. Oh, I can hear my blood right now. 381 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,978 I'm having an attack. I'm having a blood attack. 382 00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,046 A blood attack? 383 00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,647 Yeah. Pull over. I need... I-I need to meditate. 384 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,350 I got to get my heart rate down. I'll... Ow! Pull over. 385 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,685 We're in the middle of nowhere. Pull over! 386 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:15,388 Zitch dog, Labradoodle in a Ford Fusion! Ow! 387 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,024 God... 388 00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:19,192 Robin can't have kids? 389 00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,928 But you always wanted children. 390 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,762 No, I always liked children. 391 00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:26,333 I've always wanted a Lamborghini where there's a hot tub inside. 392 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,501 God, I wish that existed. 393 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,103 So no grandkids. 394 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,572 How long have you known about this? 395 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,774 I found out last fall. 396 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,876 Robin and I had been hanging out downtown 397 00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:39,546 at this very cool secret bar. 398 00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:42,782 (dance music playing) What a lovely place! 399 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,018 Have you ever had sushi that fresh? 400 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:47,554 Okay, I am never getting on a mechanical bull again. 401 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:48,788 (chuckles) 402 00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:51,791 I can't believe Marshall and Lily missed out. 403 00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:54,194 Promise me, if you ever have kids, 404 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,096 you'll sometimes get a babysitter 405 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,131 and come have an epic night. 406 00:14:58,165 --> 00:15:01,701 Oh, and, P.S., bring the babysitter, she sounds dirty. 407 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,703 Actually, I, uh, I can't have kids, 408 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,005 so that's not an issue. 409 00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:07,774 Really? 410 00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:08,976 Yeah. 411 00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,020 Is it weird that I'm hugging you like this? 412 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:24,357 No, it's not weird. 413 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:31,331 Now it's weird. Mm-hmm. Yep, the rain makes it weird. 414 00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:34,834 Mom, I'm not marrying some future possibility 415 00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,136 of starting a family. 416 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,471 I'm marrying a girl. 417 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,042 Who means more to me than kids. 418 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,644 Or my career. 419 00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,214 Or even the Lambor-cuzzi, patent pending. 420 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,483 So please... 421 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:52,619 ...be nice to her? 422 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,790 DAPHNE: This is ridiculous. 423 00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,326 Get out there and drag Clint's 424 00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:02,495 downward-facing ass back in here so we can get going. 425 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:05,165 Just let him do his thing. 426 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:06,166 (sighs) 427 00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:09,002 Do you know why the Daphnes of the world 428 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,837 always get to pick the music 429 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:13,140 and the Marshalls pay all the tolls? 430 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,107 Because the Marshalls 431 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,942 are so concerned 432 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,011 with letting everybody do their thing, 433 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:21,014 and the Daphnes are taking care of Daphne. 434 00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:25,052 You can talk to me about solar or wind or hydro-whatever, 435 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:27,654 but the world is always gonna push you around, Marshall. 436 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:30,157 Until you learn to go nuclear. 437 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:33,493 (tribal drums playing) 438 00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,395 (starts engine) 439 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,929 What are you doing? 440 00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:41,134 Is this real? 441 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,102 Are you doing this? 442 00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:45,072 We need some driving music. 443 00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:49,142 No! 444 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:50,077 (sucks air through teeth) 445 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:53,180 You threw a live grenade into my marriage. 446 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:56,883 You screwed up my whole world. 447 00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:59,986 So from now on... 448 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,722 we listen to my music. 449 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:07,360 * But I would walk 500 miles 450 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,729 * And I would walk 500 more... 451 00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,431 I hate this song. 452 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,799 Give it time. 453 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:18,505 Zitch dog, beagle in a Beetle. 454 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,940 Don't let Loretta get to you. 455 00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:24,277 Hey, when your mom gets here, do you want to all go-- 456 00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:28,115 I don't know-- avoid jellyfish? 457 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,015 She's not coming. 458 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,417 What? 459 00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,018 I finally got a hold of her. 460 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,087 She, um, never got on the plane. 461 00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:35,588 She was too scared. 462 00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,258 She won't be at her daughter's wedding. 463 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,292 (bell dings) 464 00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:45,398 ("Try a Little Tenderness" by Otis Redding playing) 465 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:47,634 If that is the case... 466 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,970 can we tell Barney she's super fat? 467 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,206 It would mean the world to me. 468 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,407 (chuckles) 469 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,842 Of course. 470 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,311 Oh, here we go. 471 00:17:58,345 --> 00:17:59,779 Listen, Robin... Loretta, 472 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:02,115 not now. Robin just found out 473 00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:03,783 her mom's not coming to the wedding. 474 00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,156 Oh. 475 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:11,090 Well, uh, okay. 476 00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:12,091 Loretta... 477 00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,493 My name's Mom. 478 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,495 Don't you ever call me anything else. 479 00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:16,896 I'm Mom. 480 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,965 Okay. 481 00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,167 Mom. 482 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,302 I'm sorry. Sometimes I get... 483 00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:25,505 ...carried away. 484 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:32,412 Your eggs are great, by the way. 485 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,013 LILY: Oh, mama, 486 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:35,748 that was some bad advice. 487 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:36,849 Thanks, Lil. 488 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:38,485 But you know what sucks? 489 00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:39,652 When I was at the top 490 00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:40,853 of that lighthouse, 491 00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,655 despite everything else... 492 00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:45,492 Wow. It's like traveling back in time. 493 00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:47,660 Just stop talking. 494 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:49,095 (sighs) 495 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,430 ...it was breathtaking. 496 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,832 And I wasted it. 497 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,934 I mean, how many places have I ruined forever 498 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,803 by being there with the wrong girl? 499 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:59,138 So come back with the right girl. 500 00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,040 I don't know. 501 00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:03,210 I'm starting to think a person gets a certain allotment 502 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:06,045 of lighthouses per lifetime. 503 00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:08,381 And I've used all mine up. 504 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:11,050 NARRATOR: And that, kids, is the kind of stupid thing you say 505 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:13,386 before you've met the person who hits the reset button 506 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,022 on the world, who makes everything new again, 507 00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,390 who makes it seem ridiculous 508 00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,392 that you ever considered settling, 509 00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,761 because not two years later... 510 00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,232 Look at that. 511 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,171 It's like traveling back in time. 512 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:35,074 That is exactly what I said. (chuckles) 513 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,910 Why couldn't it have been you here with me two years ago? 514 00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:40,179 That's probably for the best. 515 00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,181 When you vomit, I vomit. 516 00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,516 You know that. 517 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:47,987 (chuckles) Well, thanks for being here with me now. 518 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,456 Thanks for bringing me. 519 00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:55,194 Wow. 520 00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:58,931 It is just bonkers beautiful here. 521 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:02,469 I don't know how you could improve on a day like this. 522 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,376 Well, I'm gonna try. 523 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,550 Whoa. 524 00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:20,753 Will you... 525 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:21,588 Yes. 526 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:23,590 You didn't even let me... 527 00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:24,557 Yes. 528 00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,892 Marry me? 529 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,026 Yes, yes, yes, yes. 530 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,762 Yes, yes... yes. 531 00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:32,265 (chuckles) 532 00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:36,603 * Just try, try a little tenderness * 533 00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:39,105 * Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to 534 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,474 * Know how to love her, man 535 00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:43,476 * Take this advice, man 536 00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,745 * You got to squeeze her 537 00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,146 * Don't tease her. 538 00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:55,455 (inhales deeply) 539 00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,490 (exhales) 540 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,433 Son of a bitch!