1 00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:06,540 Ooh, Chicago! 2 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,076 There is this pizza place called Gazzola's. 3 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,510 It's fantastic. 4 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,712 It was closed down for a while, but it just reopened. 5 00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,581 I'm sure they got a Godzilla's in New York. 6 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:14,848 We're not stopping. 7 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,718 It's just pizza. 8 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,420 Just... pizza? 9 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,156 Let me tell you 10 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:26,160 about the thing you say is just pizza. 11 00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:28,196 We begin with the first bite. 12 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:30,264 Oh, the crunch! 13 00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:31,699 And then the marinara. 14 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,368 That roiling lava 15 00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:38,005 of tomato and oregano-- it overtakes you! 16 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:41,008 I'm falling! 17 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:44,011 And that's.... when she catches you. 18 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,413 That chewy, 19 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:49,417 voluptuous mistress, Mozzarella. 20 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:55,055 Her oven-kissed cheeks crackle with warmth in your mouth, 21 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,924 cradling the sauce and the bread, 22 00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:59,093 letting you know that from now on... 23 00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:03,063 this... is home. 24 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:05,966 This pizza... 25 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,001 is home. 26 00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,939 If it was so delicious, 27 00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:14,575 why'd they close it in the first place? 28 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:15,943 Rats. We're not stopping! 29 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,246 This road trip sucks! 30 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,961 NARRATOR: Barney's bachelor poker game was winding down. 31 00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:35,729 Tim Gunn, out. 32 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:38,999 Lily, busted. 33 00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:42,069 Marshpillow, fluffed and turned down. 34 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,438 We were playing what we thought was our final hand, 35 00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,607 and it was getting intense. 36 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,776 Action to Ranjit. 37 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,481 Ranjit, action to you. 38 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,583 What?! 39 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,084 Hey, Ted, thanks again for your gift. 40 00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:00,154 He gave us a framed photo of all of us at the bar, and 41 00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:02,790 he's getting us two other wedding gifts. 42 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,925 What can I say? I just love giving wedding gifts. 43 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,294 I love giving wedding gifts so much, 44 00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:09,129 I wish I could marry giving-wedding-gifts, 45 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,865 and then get myself and giving-wedding-gifts 46 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:14,034 a wedding gift. 47 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,604 Maybe saying things like that's why I'm not married. 48 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,971 (laughter) 49 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,340 NARRATOR: Oh, you know what, I should explain 50 00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:20,808 why Lily was angry. 51 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,143 Six years earlier, a few weeks after their wedding, 52 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,613 Marshall and Lily were going through their wedding gifts. 53 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,181 Well, that's weird. 54 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:29,116 Did Ted get us anything? 55 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,051 Come on, Lily. 56 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,786 Ted... Ted's our best friend. 57 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:35,889 If his gift hasn't arrived yet, it's on the way. Yeah. 58 00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:38,459 NARRATOR: But time passed, and no gift arrived. 59 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,027 Finally, Marshall started dropping hints. 60 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,362 Hey, man, 61 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,063 it was great having you at our wedding. 62 00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,065 Thanks, Bro, and thanks for this coffee. 63 00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,467 It is great. 64 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,136 You were not wedding absent. 65 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,239 No, sir. 66 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:54,007 You were wedding present. 67 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:56,577 Do I detect a note of hazelnut? 68 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,246 (laughs) 69 00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,414 Wedding present. 70 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,918 I think he got it. 71 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,988 NARRATOR: But I didn't get it. 72 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,390 More months passed. 73 00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,024 His hints got more desperate. 74 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,593 Happy Halloween! 75 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,562 Yeah. What-what are you supposed to be? 76 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,564 Well, I'm a wedding present, Ted! 77 00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:19,099 How could you not get me a wedding present? 78 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:22,970 I mean, how could you not get that I am a wedding present? 79 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:26,106 Get me? A wedding present! 80 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:29,577 Get me a wedding present. 81 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:30,944 Why isn't he getting it?! 82 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,179 I don't know. 83 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,547 Why didn't you get the message 84 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:36,016 to dress up like a pregnant teenager, home skillet? 85 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,186 NARRATOR: But he kept on waiting until the summer of 2008 86 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,354 when I got engaged. 87 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:42,189 So Ted's getting married, huh? 88 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,625 Bet he'd love a gift from his old pal Marshall. 89 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:45,959 Well, he can forget it! 90 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,895 We're getting them a gift. 91 00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,129 But Lily, this is the dream. 92 00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:51,399 This is the whole reason we wanted Ted to get married. 93 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,133 So we could not give him a wedding gift, 94 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,902 and he would know exactly how it feels! 95 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:58,038 Baby, I'm as pissed as you are, but we're getting them a gift. 96 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,072 We have to. 97 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,243 Fine. 98 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:06,079 We'll get them a gift. 99 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:09,249 A gift that'll send a message loud and clear. 100 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:12,052 A gift-wrapping station! (laughs) 101 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,888 Oh, boy. This time, 102 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,157 he ha to get it. 103 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,427 NARRATOR: And not long after that, a package arrived. 104 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,662 Oh, well, well, well. 105 00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,465 Package from one Mr. Ted Mosby. 106 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:26,434 It's a little late, but... 107 00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,669 What the balls is this?! 108 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,771 It-It's a thank you note 109 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:34,107 for the gift-wrapping station. 110 00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,310 NARRATOR: Which explains the face. 111 00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:37,978 Wedding gift. 112 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,246 JAMES: Hey, Barney. 113 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,948 I've got a wedding gift for you, too. 114 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,015 Don't get married. (laughs) 115 00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:43,317 Ah. 116 00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:45,619 In fact, it comes in His and Hers. 117 00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,020 (in deep voice): Don't get married! 118 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,188 (in high-pitched voice): Don't get married! 119 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,623 (laughing) BARNEY: Ah. 120 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:52,626 I'm not cheating! Don't tell anyone! 121 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:53,994 I'll cut you in on half! 122 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,763 Hey, Barney, 123 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:59,266 can you ask James to stop crapping all over marriage? 124 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,201 He's not crapping on marriage. 125 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,236 He literally drew this on the toilet. 126 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,508 Come on, Robin. Please don't ask me to pick sides. 127 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,143 In two days, he's gonna be your brother, too. 128 00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:12,312 Just be honest and tell him what's bothering you. 129 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,715 Okay. 130 00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:15,983 (imitating car revving) 131 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,117 Marshall, are you...? 132 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,452 Hey, Andretti! 133 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,388 Beat it! 134 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,891 Marshall, are you sitting down? 135 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,158 Well, I'm in a car, 136 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,560 and you were pretty clear about 137 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:27,995 the No-Teen-Wolfing Now-That-I'm-A-Dad rule, 138 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,163 so, yeah, I'm sitting down. 139 00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:33,734 Ted is getting Barney and Robin three wedding gifts! 140 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,137 I hate him. 141 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,138 Lily, 142 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,540 requesting permission to make a stink? 143 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,509 Stink away! 144 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:44,945 Hurry up and get it over with. (window whirring down) 145 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,181 (phone buzzes) Oh, that's Marshall. 146 00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:49,517 I should take this. 147 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,718 Well, 148 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:53,754 call me Akira Yoshizawa. 149 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,190 World's most famous origamist? 150 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,194 I fold. 151 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,362 (overlapping chatter) 152 00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:05,566 Barney, here's a good one. 153 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:06,567 What's the difference 154 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,768 between a Journey song 155 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,102 and a husband? 156 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,272 A Journey song has a climax. (laughs) 157 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:13,507 (laughs) 158 00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:14,908 I'm sorry, Robin. 159 00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:16,910 I'm just messing with you. 160 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:17,945 Raise a hundred. 161 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,947 No, it's fine. 162 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:23,116 It's just funny hearing all this anti-marriage stuff 163 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,385 from a divorced guy who still wears his wedding ring. 164 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,187 What, this? Mm. 165 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,622 Only wear it because, 166 00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:31,291 nothing attracts a gay guy faster than a wedding ring. 167 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,126 Except saying hi to him. 168 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,597 Or being in the same room, or every app on my phone. 169 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:39,533 People, it is a good time to be gay. 170 00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:42,202 So you can just... you can take that ring off anytime you want? 171 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,604 Anytime. 172 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:47,875 I'm all in. 173 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,877 And raise you... 174 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,979 one ring. 175 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,114 ALL: Ooh! 176 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,786 Fine. 177 00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:01,054 It's just a ring. 178 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:04,057 Okay, let's see what you got. 179 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:07,094 Robin has three jacks, James 180 00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:07,961 has... 181 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:11,098 just shy of a pair of a sixes. 182 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,100 Thank you. 183 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:13,967 Yeah. 184 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,603 I'm gonna hit the gym. 185 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,137 Let me know if you want to get some dinner later. 186 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:20,107 Oh, we'll give you a ring, just not this one. Ho! 187 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,209 (laughs) 188 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,078 MARSHALL: You, Ted Mosby, 189 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,247 never got me and Lily a wedding gift! 190 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,649 J'accuse! 191 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:30,450 I did, too, get you a gift! 192 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,119 It was a coffeemaker, 193 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,588 and you never sent me a thank you note! 194 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,590 Oh. 195 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,159 So-so... me-cuse? 196 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,595 You-cuse! 197 00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:44,164 Robin, when I said, "Be honest and say what's bothering you," 198 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,266 I meant, stuff it down and never do anything about it. 199 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,467 How did you not get that? 200 00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:49,870 It's fine. He's a grown-up. 201 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,171 (door opens) 202 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:54,675 What did you do to my little boy? 203 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:55,943 (thunder crackling) 204 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,645 Hi, Mom. 205 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,786 You get your brother's ring back! Mom, please don't make me 206 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,187 take sides! That's your brother out there. 207 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,022 You two shared bunk beds and baseball mitts, 208 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:12,159 and, when you were hungry, these supple breasts. 209 00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,027 Arguably a little too long. 210 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:15,729 Stinsons stand up for each other. 211 00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,064 Take care of this! 212 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:18,966 I... I'm gonna play some cards. 213 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,669 All right, chumps. 214 00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:24,171 I'm gonna tell you what I told Frampton's guitar tech 215 00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:27,240 when he couldn't find a condom: let's gamble. 216 00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:31,178 You gave us a coffeemaker? 217 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,180 Not just ah coffeemaker. 218 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,883 I asked what they used at your favorite coffeehouse 219 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,752 and got you that exact... one tier down model. 220 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:42,155 And you know what you got me? Huh? 221 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,191 NARRATOR: No thank you note. 222 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,026 So I started dropping hints about it. 223 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,061 Do I detect a note of hazelnut? 224 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:49,362 Wedding present. 225 00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,331 Kind of want to say thank you 226 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,934 to that note of hazelnut. 227 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,936 Thank you... note. 228 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,237 (laughs) 229 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,673 Wedding... present. 230 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:02,843 Anyway... 231 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,745 Thank you note. 232 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,416 Yeah, he got it. 233 00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:11,418 But you never got it! 234 00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:13,220 I drank so much coffee that year, 235 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,755 hoping you'd take the hint, 236 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:17,424 my resting pulse was like the drum solo from "Wipeout." 237 00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:20,027 And then, uh, Halloween rolled around. 238 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,228 Get me a wedding present. 239 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,463 On that note... 240 00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,132 I think you'll like my costume. 241 00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,266 Mm. 242 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,770 I'm a thank you note. 243 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,238 Thank you note. Ah. 244 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:34,107 Guess you could say that we sort of go together. 245 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:36,043 That's right, Marshall. That's right. 246 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,145 When someone gets you a gift, 247 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,814 you give them a thank you note. 248 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:41,949 That is how it works. 249 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,151 Give a gift, get a note. 250 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,418 Agreed. Exactly. 251 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:46,553 Exactly. 252 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,322 Exactly. Exactly. 253 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,261 I think he got it. 254 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,830 Yeah. Yeah, he got it. 255 00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,866 I have to find a bathroom. 256 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,468 I didn't get it! 257 00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,003 And I thought for sure you'd get it 258 00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,906 when I sent that thank you note for the wrapping station. 259 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:09,643 "Dear Marshall and Lily, 260 00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:12,245 "this is a thank you note to thank you 261 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,982 "for the gift-wrapping station. 262 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,918 "Because even though the wedding never happened, 263 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:21,521 "there's one thing that didn't leave me at the altar, 264 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:24,324 and that's my manners." 265 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:25,826 I can't believe this. 266 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,194 Eriksens send thank you notes. 267 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,329 It's the one thing that we always do! 268 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,198 We even have a family saying about it. 269 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,200 "Lick it, before you stick it!" 270 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:36,103 "It" being the stamp on the thank you note, 271 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,005 before you stick it in the mailbox. 272 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,873 I will make this right! 273 00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:41,208 I know, right? 274 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:43,143 Hey, listen, we're about to go through a tunnel. 275 00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:44,444 Guys, big dilemma. 276 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,880 My mom's insisting that I get Robin 277 00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:50,217 to give James his ring back, but Robin's refusing. 278 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,020 But James seems like he's really upset. 279 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,155 But Robin's gonna be my wife. 280 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:57,024 But James is my brother. 281 00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:59,126 But Robin lets me do sex to her. 282 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,828 But I have 283 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,496 to spend eternity in my mom's mausoleum. 284 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:06,700 I just wish there was a way I didn't have to take sides! 285 00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,702 What should I do?! 286 00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,503 (exhales) 287 00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:11,839 Choose your wife. 288 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:14,007 You always choose your wife. Easy. 289 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,710 Got any other stumpers, like how to answer 290 00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:18,011 "Does this make me look fat?" 291 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:20,647 Well, maybe a little around the hips but no more than usual. 292 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,149 You're getting married, 293 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,918 so I will deal with that one after your honeymoon. 294 00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:25,919 NARRATOR: And she did. 295 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:28,922 Belize was amazi... 296 00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:31,759 (groaning) 297 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,995 In marriage, being right is less important than being supportive. 298 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,431 Remember: happy wife equals happy life. 299 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,834 Wow, thanks. That's some great advice, Lil. 300 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,402 I knew I could count on you. 301 00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,607 He's gotten very respectful with his fake listening. 302 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,109 Anyway, Lily, 303 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,410 I told Marshall this already, but... 304 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,212 don't worry about not sending a thank you note 305 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,915 for the coffeemaker. It's cool. 306 00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:58,118 Uh, we did send a thank you note for the coffeemaker. 307 00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,620 Uh... no, you didn't. 308 00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:03,723 Uh... yes, we did. 309 00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:05,625 To Stuart and Claudia, 310 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:08,428 the people who gave us the coffeemaker. 311 00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:11,965 Uh... 312 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,600 what? 313 00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,068 Hey, you two! 314 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,203 Hey. Hey. 315 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,971 Hey, thanks again for that coffeemaker. 316 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,807 We use it all the time. 317 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,075 Especially when Ted's over. 318 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:23,276 Yeah, it's a great machine. 319 00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,712 We have one at home and we love it. 320 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,281 Did I forget to get you a wedding gift? 321 00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:30,417 What kind of monster am I? 322 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,085 Mosbys always give wedding gifts. 323 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,922 We even have an expression: "Wrap it before you tap it." 324 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:35,989 You know, 325 00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:37,157 wrap the gift 326 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,792 before you tap the person on the shoulder 327 00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:40,160 and say, "Here's your gift." 328 00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:42,996 I will make this right. 329 00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,632 Robin? Two things: 330 00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,067 number one, are you dropping heat right now? 331 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,802 No. Great. 332 00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,603 Number two. (chuckles) 333 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,006 Nice. Thanks. Anyway, 334 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,441 I came up with an amazing plan 335 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,076 that I think will make everyone happy. 336 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:59,479 Step one: you let my mom win the ring back in a hand of poker. 337 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,414 Step two... 338 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,682 No, that's all the steps. 339 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:03,851 What do you think? 340 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:06,753 So your plan is you do absolutely nothing 341 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,255 to get your fiancée's back. 342 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,456 Okay. 343 00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,791 Let me propose a different plan. 344 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,026 Step one... 345 00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:15,863 Good game, everybody! (giggles) 346 00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,898 And that's all the steps. 347 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,504 That's a really pretty bra, Mom. 348 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,044 Well, I'd better leave now before I lose 349 00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,479 any more of my dignity, 350 00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,047 the likelihood of which 351 00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:37,684 is increasing every moment in this very chilly room. 352 00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,086 Oh... 353 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,489 (door shuts) Not good, Robin. 354 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,057 Very not good. 355 00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:45,893 How do you keep winning, anyway? 356 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,460 Well, to the keen observer, 357 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:51,198 all of you Stinsons have the same very subtle tell. 358 00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:52,866 Whenever you're bluffing, 359 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,567 you say the word "bluff." 360 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,236 Hey, I'm hungry. Uh... 361 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,038 should we get some bluffalo wings? 362 00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:00,874 Raise you $20. 363 00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:04,344 When I walked in, I saw an all-you-can-eat bluffet. 364 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,579 Raise $50. 365 00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:09,849 Mmm... I could use a bluffberry muffin. 366 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,851 A blueberry bluffin. Sorry. 367 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:14,888 A bluebluffy muffbluff. All in. 368 00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,189 I don't believe it. 369 00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,991 Robin, you've got to give her that blouse back. 370 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,559 She loves that blouse. 371 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:24,397 She got those sequins from Rick James...'s open casket. 372 00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:25,765 Nope. Not happening. 373 00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:29,669 Woman, as your bridegroom, I command you! 374 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,071 We'll leave and 375 00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,907 give you guys some privacy. 376 00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:36,776 (door shuts) You, uh, 377 00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,778 want to take back that "I command you" thing? 378 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:40,180 Please can I? 379 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,949 Why is this so important to you? 380 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,184 Because it's my family. 381 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:47,955 And, so help me, you and I will never have sex again 382 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,889 if you don't give back their bluff. 383 00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:51,591 Stuff! Damn it. 384 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,560 Look, I just... I want to feel like 385 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:56,196 you're on my side once in a while. That's all. 386 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,130 Look, I'm gonna be your wife, 387 00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:58,565 for God's sakes. 388 00:14:58,598 --> 00:14:59,899 But, look, 389 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:02,769 if it's... if it's that important to you, here. 390 00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:05,072 Do what you want. 391 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,706 Thank you. 392 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:10,310 And please don't play strip poker with my mom again. 393 00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,346 It's all kinds of confusing. 394 00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,419 (door shuts) (sighs) 395 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,288 (phone ringing) 396 00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:25,558 Oh, that's where my phone is. 397 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,961 I wasn't eavesdropping. Hey, baby. 398 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,729 Lily, we were wrong the whole time. 399 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,231 Ted got us the coffeemaker! 400 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,832 He's a wonderful man! 401 00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:36,836 What? No. Claudia and Stuart gave us our coffeemaker. 402 00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:39,572 Ted's a rat bastard! Never mention his name again! 403 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:40,640 Your coffeemaker? 404 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:41,641 Ted got you that. 405 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:42,642 I was with him when he bought it. 406 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,111 I don't know what to feel! 407 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,113 But Stuart said he got it for us. 408 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:47,847 Stuart and Claudia checked in. 409 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,049 I saw them in the lobby. 410 00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,185 Let's go get to the bottom of this. 411 00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:57,190 Stuart, 412 00:15:57,224 --> 00:15:58,992 no B.S., did you really get us 413 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:01,028 that coffeemaker for our wedding? 414 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,495 Of course. 415 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:05,132 What a crazy thing to ask. 416 00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,499 They never give you enough of these things. 417 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,535 Oh, my God. 418 00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,637 Ted got us that coffeemaker, 419 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,839 and you just played it off as your gift. 420 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:16,043 You're a weasel. Admit it. 421 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,177 No, that's insane. 422 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,078 Really? 423 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:19,546 Housekeeping! 424 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,780 Conditioner thief! 425 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,615 Okay, shh, shh. Yes, I am a weasel. 426 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,852 I ripped the card off Ted's gift and I wrote my name on it. 427 00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,654 Does Claudia know about this? 428 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:30,223 No. Please don't tell her. 429 00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:33,126 That gift was a turning point for us. 430 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,961 Ah. 431 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,896 I got to admit, 432 00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:40,700 I came pretty close to leaving you. 433 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,403 Bags packed, plane ticket purchased, 434 00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:45,738 topless pics sent to your brother, the whole nine. 435 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:49,909 But seeing that you got our friends such a nice gift, 436 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,146 ah, it just really puts you in a whole new light. 437 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:55,182 Oh. 438 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,752 I'm a pretty great guy. Oh. 439 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:05,392 (water running in background) And since that day, on the foundation of that coffeemaker, 440 00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:09,329 we've built a strong, nurturing relationship. 441 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:14,201 Well, out of respect for your marriage, I won't say anything. 442 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,769 Say hi to Claudia when she gets out of the shower. 443 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,405 That's not Claudia. Good night. 444 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,008 Tap tap. 445 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,810 Look what I wrapped! 446 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:25,778 What? 447 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:26,579 (door opens) 448 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:27,780 (sighs) 449 00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:30,283 So, I went to give James his ring back... 450 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,786 Glad you came to your senses. 451 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,389 You can't let being married keep you from being you. 452 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,790 It's like Tom, 453 00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,127 always telling me I spend too much time at the gym. 454 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,128 Exactly. Is it so wrong 455 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,929 if you want to work out a couple times a week? 456 00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,731 Right. Or a couple times a day. 457 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,065 Or a couple times... 458 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,135 A couple times a day? Really? 459 00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:50,903 A few hours before work, a few hours after. 460 00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:53,906 Only way to keep up the chocolate xylophone. 461 00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,408 (singing notes) 462 00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,577 Still, that's a lot of time at the gym. 463 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,078 Especially with two kids. 464 00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,480 It's like I always said to Tom, 465 00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,482 "I've got to stay in shape 466 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,983 in case I'm ever single again." 467 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,486 And, hello, I was right. 468 00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,156 Oh, my God. 469 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:11,924 I think I finally understand what Lily was mumbling 470 00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,926 in my peripheral vision earlier. 471 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,095 I'm marrying Robin 472 00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,597 so I can be part of a team, 473 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,099 not just some guy alone at a gym 474 00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,101 with admittedly amazing abs. 475 00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:23,069 Thanks, Bro. 476 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,038 No. Thank you, Bro. 477 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,177 You're not getting this ring. 478 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,512 I'm always gonna have your back. 479 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:34,080 No matter what. 480 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,616 Thank you. 481 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,084 I love you. Mmm, 482 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,752 I love you, too. (chuckles) 483 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,020 (moaning) 484 00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:42,955 Oh, oh! I almost didn't tell you the best part! 485 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:43,990 There's more! 486 00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:45,158 Really? 487 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,794 James, let me spell this out for you: 488 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,962 now that I've got Robin, 489 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,465 we are not brothers anymore. 490 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:53,300 What?! 491 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,034 Uh-huh. 492 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,869 If you and Robin are both 493 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,871 ever hanging from a cliff 494 00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,707 and I have one hand free, 495 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,041 enjoy the fall. 496 00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,476 Uh, buh-bye. 497 00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:06,145 If you... Oh, Mom! Good! 498 00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:07,214 You should hear this, too. 499 00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:10,149 This mother-son thing-- it's over. 500 00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,484 It's been a nice few decades, 501 00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,286 but I've got a wife now, 502 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,054 so you mean nothing to me. 503 00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,989 Oh, and me coming over 504 00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:18,157 for Thanksgiving and Christmas, 505 00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:19,158 that's done! 506 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,627 No more of that! 507 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,828 And you know why? 508 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,730 Because Robin said so! 509 00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:26,499 This came directly from her! 510 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:31,338 See ya, losers! 511 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,539 Oh, my God. 512 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:33,540 Yeah. 513 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,808 Fiancé of the year? 514 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,745 (chuckles) I think I know what's next. Oh, God. 515 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:41,013 Oh, God. I can't leave this room for the rest of the weekend. 516 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:45,752 I'm sure we can find something to do, eh? 517 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,354 MARSHALL: Ted, I'm so sorry! 518 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,356 No, I'm sorry. 519 00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:51,258 I shouldn't have spent the last six years passive-aggressively 520 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,360 drinking gallons of coffee around you. 521 00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:55,061 And I shouldn't have taken that sewing class 522 00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:57,230 to learn how to make that wedding present costume. 523 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:59,432 I regret all of it. Me, too! 524 00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,834 Except I actually don't regret that sewing class. 525 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,103 I learned a fun and useful lifetime skill. 526 00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:06,939 But, seriously, even without the coffeemaker, 527 00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:09,008 you've given us more than enough. 528 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:12,111 Well, there is one more gift on the way. 529 00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:14,614 Whatever it is, send it back. 530 00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,483 (horn honks) It's a little late for that. 531 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,386 Marshall Eriksen?! 532 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:20,853 Yes?! 533 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,122 I got your pizza! 534 00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,891 Oh, Ted! 535 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,059 You are the best friend ever! 536 00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,628 Don't say another word, Marshall. 537 00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:31,197 Save it for the thank you note. 538 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,231 You got it, buddy! 539 00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:33,366 NARRATOR: And, kids, 540 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,434 I got that thank you note 541 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:37,370 four months later. 542 00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:39,406 Four months. 543 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,145 Uh, here's your blouse back. 544 00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:47,947 Is there any way we could just, um... 545 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,416 forget about all this? 546 00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:52,151 Oh, no, dear, you keep the blouse. 547 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,987 Think of it as your consolation prize. 548 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,423 Consolation prize? 549 00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:59,759 You won the battle. 550 00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,861 But I'll win the war. 551 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,065 Game on, bitch. 552 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,700 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org