1 00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,505 NARRATOR: Kids, it was two days 2 00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,074 before Barney and Robin's wedding, 3 00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,509 and everything was going off without a hitch. 4 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:09,743 TED: Ah. 5 00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,145 Been waiting for the perfect time for this, 6 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,813 and, my friend, that time is... 7 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,249 I saw you and Robin at the carousel. 8 00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:18,419 (bottle shatters) Okay, there was one slight hitch. 9 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:20,854 BARNEY: She called me to help her, 10 00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:22,090 and there you were 11 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,324 in the rain 12 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,025 holding hands with my fiancée. 13 00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:30,364 What up? 14 00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:32,032 Nothing up. 15 00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,033 Everything down. 16 00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:35,002 All parts of me down. 17 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,104 Look, 18 00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:38,572 you were busy, so I-I... 19 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:39,773 I went to the park to help her look 20 00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,041 for this locket she buried years ago. 21 00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,876 She couldn't find it, she got upset, 22 00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,778 I held her hand. End of story. 23 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,850 Cool! I just wanted to air that out. 24 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,352 You know, bro to bro. 25 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,087 You're my best friend and my best man. 26 00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:54,288 Of course I trust you. 27 00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,723 Oh, come on. 28 00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:58,025 You don't have to cry about it. 29 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,694 (sobs) It's not that. 30 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:04,132 That was a $600 bottle of scotch. 31 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,867 (crying): Oh, my God. 32 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,069 (both blubbering) 33 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:12,873 I hope Marshall gets here for the rehearsal dinner. 34 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:13,941 Thank you, Linus. 35 00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:17,245 He's somewhere in Wisconsin in a rental car. 36 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,912 Hertz? I mean, it hurts a little 37 00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:21,048 but I'm not gonna cry about it. Hey! 38 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,217 We've been doing that all afternoon. 39 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,585 ROBIN: Oh, who's that for? 40 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,287 Marshpillow. 41 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,956 NARRATOR: Kids, as you may recall, whenever Marshall left town 42 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,057 for a few days, 43 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,126 Lily would compensate with a body pillow 44 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,728 she dressed up and named Marshpillow. 45 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,297 Pretty normal stuff. 46 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,632 But with Marshall stuck driving across the country, 47 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,634 Lily decided to upgrade. 48 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:44,071 Meet Marshpillow 2.0! 49 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,473 Hey! 50 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,275 Am I on? 51 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:49,443 Hey, guys! 52 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:50,578 Hey, Marsh. Hey, Marshall. Hey. 53 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,412 It's like you're really here. 54 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:52,846 MARSHALL: Hey, Ted. 55 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,816 Can you give me a gander of the environs? 56 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,086 Wow! 57 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:03,023 This place looks beautif... 58 00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:05,859 Wait for it. 59 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:08,128 He's frozen. (Lily groans) 60 00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:11,199 Same thing happened last night at the worst possible time. 61 00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:15,135 I had just gotten on all fours and taken off my panti... 62 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,309 Now Lily's frozen. 63 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:27,181 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 64 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,059 ...ful. 65 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:41,562 This place is beautiful! 66 00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,997 Wow. Lily, it looks like you really put 67 00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,799 some time into this, huh? 68 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,567 (chuckles) 69 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,168 Though I wonder if 70 00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:49,403 instead of dressing up 71 00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:52,806 your giant husband doll like Malibu Ken, 72 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,041 you could've spent a minute or two-- 73 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,709 I don't know-- 74 00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:58,111 planning the weak ass bachelorette party you threw me? 75 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:08,055 I-It's possible I forgot to send out the Evite. 76 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,190 Robin! 77 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:12,593 Happy bachelorette party! (chuckles) 78 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:15,996 You invited Patrice to my bachelorette party?! 79 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,831 No. 80 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,166 You know, it's funny. 81 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,035 When I was planning Barney's bachelor party, 82 00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:26,173 I managed to wrangle his boyhood hero, Billy Zabka, 83 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,608 from The Karate Kid. 84 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,543 But you scored Patrice. 85 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:30,944 I'm sorry, Robin. 86 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:35,048 I-I've just been so consumed with our move to Rome. 87 00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:37,017 I guess I forgot to invite 88 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,018 the girls. 89 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,953 Yeah, Lily, I'd like to show you how it's done. 90 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:43,056 Billy Zabka, what a great guy. 91 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:46,093 Look at how thorough Ted was planning the best man poker game 92 00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:47,595 he's throwing for Barney. 93 00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,598 Wait, I think I'm on some sort of delay here. 94 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,801 (clears throat) Best man visor for the dealer. 95 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,136 Customized playing cards. 96 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,938 Barney's the king. 97 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,139 And... 98 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,374 the queens 99 00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,310 are naked. 100 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,111 It was my first decree. 101 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:07,381 Hmm. Plus, Ted handwrote all of the table cards 102 00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,283 for the reception in calligraphy. 103 00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:11,285 The man's a wizard with a pen. 104 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:13,621 Oh. I don't know about all that. 105 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:14,722 Though I was approached 106 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,890 by the decorating committee to make the... 107 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,126 signs for our senior prom. 108 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:22,630 I'm told they were quite the hit. 109 00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:25,966 (sucks air through teeth) Hey, buddy, listen, 110 00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:29,970 you're gonna kill me, but I forgot to bring the table cards. 111 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,139 Uh, I'd hate to ask you to redo them... 112 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,642 Say no more. The best man is on it. 113 00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,177 Thanks, Ted. (scoffs) 114 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,347 S-So now the best man 115 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:43,016 is painstakingly handwriting 200 table cards, 116 00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:45,519 but my maid of honor forgot 117 00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:48,622 to click "send" on an Evite. 118 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,290 I didn't forget to invite the girls 119 00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,692 to your bachelorette party. 120 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,627 You have no girls! 121 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:54,862 (high-pitched): What? 122 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:57,264 (chuckles) What? 123 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,333 What? 124 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,969 What? I... All my girls. 125 00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,004 I gave you a list. 126 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,305 This list? 127 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,206 Yeah. 128 00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:08,141 "Tall girl from work, 129 00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,811 "mouth-breather from coffee shop, 130 00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,012 "average-sized 131 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,014 girl from that place"? 132 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,316 Ooh. Sorry I didn't track her down. 133 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,785 She sounds great! 134 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,720 She's actually kind of a bitch. 135 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,154 Face it, Robin. 136 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:23,056 You hate women, and... 137 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,892 women hate you. 138 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,128 Ted didn't go to his prom? 139 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,898 Classic. 140 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,333 While Lily was dropping the ball as Robin's maid of honor, 141 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:36,504 the best man was busy knocking it out of the park. 142 00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,738 (sucks air through teeth) 143 00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,173 Hey, buddy, listen, 144 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,410 my great-aunt Ida has corns on her feet 145 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,177 and needs a first-floor room. 146 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,013 Uh, would you mind switching rooms? 147 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,081 Say no more. The best man is on it. 148 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,216 Thanks, Ted. 149 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:01,995 (shouts) 150 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:05,499 (whoops) (sucks air through teeth) Hey, buddy, listen, 151 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:07,167 the wedding doves got here early, 152 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,936 and I don't know where to put 'em... 153 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,605 Say no more. The best man is on it! 154 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,040 Thanks, Ted. 155 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,443 (cooing) Poor guys. 156 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:18,011 All cooped up. 157 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:22,850 I guess there's no harm in letting you out for a bit, huh? 158 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,018 They carpet-bombed my entire room. 159 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,454 Wish I'd closed 160 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:29,056 my suitcase. 161 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:32,092 And my mouth. 162 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,628 (sucks air through teeth) Hey, buddy, listen, 163 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:38,265 I see you wrote "N-O-period" instead of the number sign. 164 00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:40,233 I'm worried that might confuse the guests... Say no more. 165 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:41,935 The best man is on it. 166 00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,403 Thanks, Ted. (knocking) 167 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:45,205 Here they are. 168 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:48,408 Freshly penned table cards in a pretty decent chancery 169 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:51,144 considering I only had my travel quills. 170 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:54,047 Wait. Why's the poker game started? 171 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,717 Oh, um, the best man moved the time. 172 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:57,951 Mm, no, he didn't. 173 00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,453 Yes, he did. 174 00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:00,988 Heya, Ted. 175 00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:03,256 Thanks for the sweet lid, bro. 176 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,297 (quietly): Billy Zabka's your new best man? 177 00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:14,101 He's the best... around. 178 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,470 Sorry, Ted. Maybe next wedding. W... 179 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,672 So you're playing the best man poker game without me? 180 00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,474 Tim Gunn's here and I'm not? 181 00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:23,310 I'm Barney's personal tailor, of course I'm here. 182 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,479 Plus, I've never played poker before. 183 00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:27,781 It looks like a hoot. 184 00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,016 I moved into a dungeon. 185 00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:31,018 I wrote hundreds of cards. 186 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,521 I even gave your batty great-aunt Ida a foot massage 187 00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:36,456 so vigorous it put her to sleep right there in the lobby. 188 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,892 Yeah, I don't really have a great-aunt Ida. 189 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,767 So you are mad about me and Robin holding hands. 190 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,001 Of course I'm mad, Ted. 191 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,202 Holding hands is, like, 192 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:50,871 the fourth-grade equivalent of banging. 193 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,039 Well, in your case, 12th grade. 194 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,040 Self-five. 195 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:56,143 You broke the Bro Code. 196 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,546 No, I did not. I only went to help Robin as a friend 197 00:07:58,579 --> 00:07:59,980 because you didn't show up. 198 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,549 I did not break the Bro Code. 199 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:02,716 It's in the text. 200 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,985 A bro shall not have a weird moment 201 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,621 with another bro's fiancée. Well, 202 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:10,357 too bad we're in Farhampton and can't actually check. 203 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,793 I am pleased to announce that the Bro Code has replaced 204 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,563 the Gideons Bible at select hotels throughout the country. 205 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,198 Oh. 206 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,400 I'm sorry I said you hate women. 207 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:21,869 Yeah, don't be. 208 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,671 For whatever reason, I just... 209 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,839 (sighs) I can't seem to connect with them. Down! 210 00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,808 Can you help me? I've got 211 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,042 a bunch more wedding gifts in the van. 212 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:32,980 Yay! I love Robin so much! 213 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,148 (quietly): Oh, God, I'm gonna strangle that bitch. 214 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:38,151 Robin, what is it with you and women? 215 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,320 (groans) They're so annoying. 216 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,023 I'm glad that you're my only female friend. 217 00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,925 Girls are always whining and crying 218 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,860 over every little thing. (groans) 219 00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,061 (crying) 220 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,330 Yes. That's exactly... 221 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:54,001 Thank you. "Oh, oh, boo-hoo. 222 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,535 "Look at me. I'm a sensitive 223 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:57,370 little girl..." Oh. God, I'm sorry. 224 00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:58,872 You're actually crying. (groans) 225 00:08:58,906 --> 00:08:59,873 It's just 226 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,742 so sad. (sobs) 227 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,912 I can't be your only girlfriend. Well, I... 228 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,114 I don't need anybody else. I got... I got you. 229 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:11,118 For another six days and then I'm off to Rome for a year. 230 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:14,888 (gasps) What are you gonna do without our Saturday morning brunch 231 00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,090 with a side of sassy gossip? 232 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,927 A one-shot power play?! 233 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,095 Hey! Hey, Boston! 234 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,263 Why not drop your hockey pants 235 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:26,233 and actually take a dump on the ice next time?! 236 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:29,937 (cackles) I love it! 237 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,238 (groans) 238 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:34,875 See? It is just too horrible to even think about. 239 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:35,943 Yeah. You... 240 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,045 need another female friend. 241 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,047 (sighs) Whenever I try to talk to women, 242 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,750 they look like they want to punch me. Well, 243 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,753 maybe you're accidentally giving off the wrong vibe. 244 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:49,056 Like, what do you say to other women at the gym? 245 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,624 Oh, well, I haven't been to the gym in forever. 246 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,793 My metabolism is all messed up. 247 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:55,062 See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple 248 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:58,899 for a midnight snack and wake up having lost weight. 249 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,100 (groans) Well, everywhere 250 00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,501 except for my boobs. 251 00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:03,637 So annoying. 252 00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:08,608 You're gonna need a lot of work. 253 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,678 It's in here. Somewhere. 254 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,646 I... It has to be. 255 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,748 Damn it, I know I should've done these in alphabrotical order. 256 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:15,749 (groans) 257 00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:17,317 Who cares about the Bro Code? 258 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,319 It's just some stupid book you made up. 259 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:22,155 (gasps) How dare you? 260 00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:25,325 The Bro Code has been around for centuries. 261 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,094 Nay... 262 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,663 whatever's more than centuries. 263 00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:30,964 Please don't launch into a fake history lesson. 264 00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:34,634 The Bro Code can trace its lineage all the way back 265 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,937 to Broses himself. 266 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,940 Article one: 267 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:43,043 bros before ho's. 268 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,111 TED: Okay. 269 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,113 I see what you're doing. You can't prove that 270 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,015 I broke the Bro Code, so you're just making up stories about... 271 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,450 This sacred text was eventually brought 272 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,987 to the New World in 1776 by none other 273 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:56,223 than Christopher Brolumbus. 274 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,726 Article 62: 275 00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:02,896 a bro who calls dibs first has dibs. 276 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,498 Oh? Dibs! 277 00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:08,802 And that's why he got to bang Pocahontas. 278 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,171 Pocahontas was with John Smith. Maybe 279 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,372 according to the hotel register. 280 00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:13,841 Whatever Mrs. Brolumbus didn't know 281 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,175 couldn't hurt her, am I right? 282 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,144 Well, except maybe that New World syphilis. 283 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,145 But I digress. 284 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,981 Barney, if you believe in the Bro Code, 285 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,816 how come you've broken it so many times? 286 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,017 (gasps loudly) 287 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:25,052 How dare you! 288 00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:27,354 I have never broken the Bro Code! 289 00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,857 Hmm? Hmm? Ah. 290 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,558 "Article 104: 291 00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:35,262 the mom of a bro is always off limits." 292 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,531 Okay, look, we've all had a lot of fun 293 00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,533 joking about me banging your mom. 294 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,035 Not all of us. Continue. 295 00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:45,572 But I swear nothing ever happened between the two of us. 296 00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:47,374 Trust me. 297 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,877 And what's going on with your fingers? 298 00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:54,014 (whispering): That's how our bodies were intertwined. 299 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,949 All right, this is ridiculous! 300 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:57,450 It's ridiculous that you won't admit 301 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,086 holding Robin's hand was weird. 302 00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,387 It wasn't weird! 303 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:01,889 Yes, it was. 304 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,724 You know what? 305 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:09,062 We need a third impartial bro to settle this. 306 00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,630 To resolve this, 307 00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:12,365 I really need to parse 308 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,600 the text of the Bro Code. 309 00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:14,802 It's too bad 310 00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,036 Marshall doesn't have a copy. 311 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,105 Actually, I do. 312 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,874 They were in the, uh, seat back pockets on my flight 313 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:22,409 in place of the safety cards. 314 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,912 I'm also pleased to announce The Bro Code is now available 315 00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,446 in select airlines across the country. 316 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:27,948 And Lufthansa. 317 00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:31,384 Der Bro Code is, like, huge in Germany. 318 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,286 Okay, so prove to me 319 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,722 you can make a female friend. 320 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,590 What about her? 321 00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:40,127 Ugh! The girl with the bangs? 322 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,395 Any chick who does that to her hair 323 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,164 is going through a big life transition 324 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,099 I don't want to hear about. 325 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,902 Next time, grow your bangs long enough to cover your mouth. 326 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,103 Ha-pass. 327 00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:51,404 Okay, well... 328 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,940 what about her? 329 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,142 Ugh! Comfortable shoes? 330 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,343 (laughing) 331 00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,345 What, are you filibustering later? 332 00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,180 It's after 5:00. Put on some heels. 333 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,448 Ha-pass. 334 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:04,484 Okay, well, what about...? Ugh! 335 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,786 I haven't even pointed to anyone yet! 336 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,355 MARSHALL: Now, 337 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:12,092 although not expressly stated in the Bro Code, 338 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,961 a weird moment between 339 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:16,830 a bro and his bro's fiancée is, 340 00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,967 in my bropinion... a violation. 341 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,768 No! Yes! However, 342 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,004 Ted was helping Robin as a friend. 343 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,172 Therefore, 344 00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,173 holding her hand 345 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,976 isn't necessarily a weird moment. 346 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,377 No! Yes! 347 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,544 That being said... 348 00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:32,712 What? (mutters) 349 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,147 ...if we decide 350 00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:36,549 that holding any friend's hand is weird, 351 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:39,452 then, yes, Ted did break the Bro Code. 352 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:40,687 So, the question is this. 353 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,355 If Ted had gone to the park 354 00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,357 and held Barney's hand, 355 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,426 would it have been weird? 356 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,729 No? Yes? 357 00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:56,036 See? 358 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:57,871 (scoffs) 359 00:13:57,905 --> 00:14:00,773 It's not weird at all. 360 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:03,343 I don't know what to say. 361 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:04,544 Just be yourself. 362 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:05,845 Say something nice. 363 00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,547 Which one? I can't do both. 364 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,054 Slut alert. 365 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,588 That's my 14-year-old daughter. 366 00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,993 Crappy mom alert. 367 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,161 Ugh! 368 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,529 It's you. Nice bangs. 369 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:26,699 What is wrong with you?! 370 00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:28,936 I can't do this, okay? 371 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,203 I was raised as a boy. 372 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:31,871 I don't get along with women. 373 00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,606 Can we just drop it? 374 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,009 Okay, I never thought I'd take a page 375 00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:38,678 out of your fiancé's playbook, but... 376 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:42,449 it's time to target the crying chick. 377 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:47,220 Not weird at all. 378 00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,056 BARNEY: Marshall, 379 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,457 why are we doing this?! 380 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,960 Two dudes on a beach with a lifeless blob 381 00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,594 they're pretending is alive? 382 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,963 It's stupid. 383 00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,030 So, I guess that means 384 00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:59,299 Weekend at Bernie's is stupid, too. 385 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:00,133 (gasps) 386 00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,268 E-Lawyered. 387 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,070 Now, before 388 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,471 I can render a decision, 389 00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:05,939 we need to recreate the variables 390 00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:08,308 at the carousel as closely as possible. 391 00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:11,478 Since Ted says that he was comforting Robin, 392 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:12,812 he needs to do 393 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:16,816 the same for Barney, so, Ted, comfort Barney. 394 00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,618 I don't see how that... 395 00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,487 Comfort... Barney. 396 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,489 (sputters) 397 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:26,126 Barney, what is going on with you? 398 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,428 Why are you so upset with me? 399 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,098 Marshall, this is stupid! I don't... 400 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,966 Accept the comfort. 401 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,268 Fine! 402 00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:36,569 (sighs) 403 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,672 I guess... I'm not really mad at you. 404 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,808 I'm mad at myself. I should have met Robin 405 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,810 at the carousel when she called, 406 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:46,946 but I was having such a good time greasing 12-year-olds. 407 00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:47,947 Laser tag. 408 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:50,017 Helpful. Continue. 409 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,621 Look, Ted, I'm sorry that I've been taking it out on you. 410 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,090 You were just being a good friend to Robin. 411 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,326 It's okay. 412 00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,928 It would be different if you still had feelings for her, 413 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,896 but you don't, right? 414 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:08,168 Right? 415 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,204 (thunder booming) 416 00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:15,708 Okay, now it's weird. 417 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:24,184 You still have feelings for Robin?! 418 00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:27,654 What?! What?! What?! What?! 419 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,156 Okay, yes, sometimes I do. 420 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,723 Well, then, turn 'em off! 421 00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,692 I would love to, but it doesn't work that way! 422 00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:35,695 I'm a... I'm a human being. I-I-I don't have an off switch. 423 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,730 I'm shutting off. 424 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,568 There, there. 425 00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,570 Sister? 426 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,839 Who needs a lady hug? 427 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,841 Ugh! What the hell are you doing?! 428 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,178 Wait. Did you just "ugh" my hug? 429 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:52,312 I don't need a hug. 430 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,546 I'm pissed off because 431 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:56,083 the Rangers just lost to the Boston Bruins. 432 00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,185 BOTH: I hate the Boston Bruins! 433 00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,188 (laughs) 434 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:03,990 Look, Barney, I hate these feelings. 435 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,925 I hate myself for having these feelings. 436 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,828 No one wishes they would go away more than I do, 437 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:12,065 but I just... I... I can't seem to make that happen. I've tried. 438 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:13,666 Well, then, try harder! 439 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,768 I'm marrying her in less than two days! 440 00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,970 What the hell are we gonna do about this?! 441 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:23,443 NARRATOR: As she watched Robin make a new friend, Lily was happy... 442 00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:26,679 for two seconds. 443 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,381 Oh, no! Oh, come on, ref! 444 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,383 I haven't seen that much hooking go unpunished 445 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:31,951 since my last trip to Vegas. 446 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:35,021 And I was on that trip, because we are best friends now. 447 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:35,955 (laughs) 448 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:38,091 (both laughing) Hey, 449 00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:40,093 this might sound a little nutty, but 450 00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:42,462 how about we inject a sexual edge 451 00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,063 into our abiding friendship that... 452 00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:47,467 BOTH: ...in no way jeopardizes our emotional connection, 453 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,302 or respective marriages?! 454 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:50,537 (both giggling) 455 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,771 LILY: Aw! 456 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:52,639 Hell, no! 457 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,641 Excuse me. 458 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:57,644 I've got a Boston Brewin', if you know what I mean. 459 00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,246 (laughs) 460 00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:01,648 You listen, and you listen good. 461 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,583 If I see your face around Robin again, 462 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,452 you will be crying about a lot more 463 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,454 than your precious New York Rogers. 464 00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,122 Rangers? I will cut you! 465 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:12,992 (Lily mutters gibberish) 466 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,663 Forgot my purse. 467 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,898 (mutters) 468 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,133 You know what? 469 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,968 That's why I only need you. 470 00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,936 'Cause you're a psycho. 471 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,105 My psycho. 472 00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:28,675 I am, aren't I? Mm-hmm. 473 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,111 (giggling) 474 00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,280 There's the blushing bride! 475 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,148 Back off, Patrice! 476 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:41,087 Look, Barney, the truth is, it was weird at the carousel. 477 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,622 On some level, it's probably been weird 478 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:44,491 between me and Robin ever since we broke up. 479 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:45,658 But you're my brother. 480 00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:46,859 I would never do anything 481 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,094 to hurt you, ever. 482 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,929 (scoffs) I mean it, I swear! 483 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,031 I'll-I'll even swear it on the Bro Code. 484 00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:53,300 The Bro Code's stupid. 485 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,168 (gasps) How dare you! 486 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:57,870 I'd be honored. 487 00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:06,513 I can't promise that I'll ever get to a place where it won't be 488 00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:08,848 at least a little weird between me and Robin. 489 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:12,319 But I don't want to lose you as a friend, either of you. 490 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,555 So I will do everything I can 491 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:18,157 to move on and live with it. 492 00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:22,395 The question is... can you? 493 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:26,966 (sighs) 494 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:30,403 I'm sorry, Ted. I just... can't do this. 495 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:32,972 I fold. 496 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:36,443 What about the best man? 497 00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:41,748 I fold, too. 498 00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,483 I fold. 499 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,817 There goes my belly buster. 500 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,052 You sandbag all night, 501 00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:48,588 only to bluff a couple of rags, pre-flop, 502 00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,189 and wind up with a dry board. 503 00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:51,558 That's what you get 504 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:55,027 for limping in shorts-tacked with a pack of donkeys. 505 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,963 Muck city. 506 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:00,433 I fold! 507 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:01,701 Yeah... Oh, right. I knew that. 508 00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,236 I knew that, I knew that, I knew that. 509 00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,304 Okay, two players left. 510 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:12,845 You are bluffing, robot man. 511 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,381 I raise. 512 00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,182 BARNEY: Oh. 513 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,050 Hey, Billy, do you mind 514 00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:21,621 pushing my chips into the center of the pot? 515 00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:24,891 Preferably with gusto, because... 516 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,026 I'm all in! 517 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,228 Oh! Oh, boy! 518 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:31,097 All right, all right. ALL: Oh! 519 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,934 (cheering and laughing) 520 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,604 NARRATOR: And that's how I became Barney's best man again. 521 00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:41,073 Everything was back to going off without a hitch. 522 00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:45,945 I'm coming for you, Mosby. 523 00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,980 NARRATOR: Okay, there was one slight hitch.