1
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:08,142
NARRATOR:
Kids, Barney and Robin's
wedding turned out

2
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,511
to be a life-changing weekend
for all of us.

3
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,313
Well, not just us.

4
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,048
One ticket to Farhampton,
please.

5
00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:15,916
NARRATOR:
But I'll get to that.

6
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,151
(horn honks)

7
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:19,553
Who are you honking at?
You.

8
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,522
You're going 40 in a 65.

9
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,757
Pick it up, Grandma!

10
00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:25,759
Look, I'm happy to rock it up
into the 50s,

11
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:29,330
but I'm gonna need a hand...
or two.

12
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,532
Oh, no. Not the driving gloves.

13
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,167
In 99.9% of highway accidents,

14
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,503
the driver was not
wearing gloves.

15
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,704
Because they're stupid.

16
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,239
They don't help you
drive better.

17
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:40,108
That's why no one wears them.

18
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:43,211
Then why is it called...
the glove compartment?

19
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,379
I am not
having this argument again.

20
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:48,116
Now, as you know, a Mosby
road trip is not only safe,

21
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,117
but informative.

22
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,352
Chiggedy-check it.

23
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,387
Manhattan to Farhampton:

24
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:56,790
Lil' and Ted's
Excellent Adventure?

25
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,626
That baby's stuffed to the rings
with fun facts

26
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,028
about our unsung neighbor
to the east-- Long Island.

27
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,397
For instance, just up
ahead, the historic

28
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,566
childhood home of
Florian van Otterloop,

29
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:06,900
the Dutch bucklesmith

30
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:08,902
who revolutionized
the belt industry.

31
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,904
Uh, fun story
about that color-blind genius.

32
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,273
When he...
Please stop!

33
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:15,075
Well, I was just gonna
slow down for pictures,

34
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:18,179
but that level of enthusiasm
can't go unrewarded.

35
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:37,131
(phone chimes)
Hmm.

36
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:39,400
Oh, look at my
little cousins

37
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,101
in their flower
girl dresses.

38
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,504
Aw, they'll look so cute
next to the ring bear.

39
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:44,905
Yeah.

40
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:48,075
Wait, you said
ring bear-er, right?

41
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,910
Ring bear.

42
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,345
Ring bear-er.

43
00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,013
Ring bear.

44
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,249
Are you planning
some crazy stunt

45
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,918
with a dangerous wild animal
at our wedding?

46
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,119
(phone chirps)
Because...

47
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:00,488
Oh, oh, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry.

48
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,989
Oh, boy.

49
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,157
My brother wants to know

50
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,659
what time he "goes on"
at the reception.

51
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,127
What does that mean?

52
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:11,332
Every wedding he attends,
James insists on... performing.

53
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:13,367
* Islands in the stream

54
00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:15,503
* That is what we are

55
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,105
* No one in between...

56
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,707
So? What do you got
against K-Rodge?

57
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,175
Everybody loves
The Gambler.

58
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:22,976
Wait for it.

59
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:25,513
* How can we be wrong?

60
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:29,817
* Sail away with me
to another world *

61
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:34,121
* And we rely
on each other, uh-huh! *

62
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,123
That is nothing.

63
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,992
I have invited Scherbatskys
from all over Canada,

64
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,361
and they are Canuckin' nuts.

65
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,796
Like my cousin Ruth
from the Yukon.

66
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,165
I don't like to encourage
Canadian stereotypes,

67
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:48,369
but that woman
practically rides a moose.

68
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,137
(laughs)

69
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,472
Does she actually ride a moose?

70
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:52,473
Yeah.

71
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,074
And, uh,

72
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,076
I'm worried she'll bring it
to the wedding.

73
00:02:56,109 --> 00:03:00,080
She and the moose are...
very close.

74
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:03,083
Whoa.

75
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:06,487
Every wedding's got a wild card,
but we've invited a whole set.

76
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,522
(accordion playing
"Wedding March")

77
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,164
Someone is gonna
ruin this wedding.

78
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:21,101
It's just a question
of... who.

79
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:24,171
I'm gonna ruin this wedding!

80
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,539
My wife is
gonna kill me!

81
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,675
PILOT: Flight attendants
prepare for departure.

82
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,943
We were gonna move to
Italy for her dream job,

83
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,280
so I brought my son
here to Minnesota

84
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,615
to see my mom
before we left.

85
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,752
And then I got offered
a job as a judge

86
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:41,121
in New York City,
which is my dream.

87
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,024
But that'll totally
destroy her dream!

88
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,394
You are destroying
a lot of dreams right now.

89
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,930
(phone chimes)

90
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,904
(chuckles)

91
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,939
Wait.

92
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,974
If I got this...

93
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,446
(phone chimes)

94
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:08,816
(sighs)

95
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,050
Aren't you gonna
check that?

96
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,452
No.

97
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,487
It-It's just another
obnoxious update

98
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:14,488
from Marshall's mom.

99
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,489
She's been posting

100
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:18,125
these "cute" baby pics
of Marvin,

101
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,928
but it's all just propaganda.

102
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,530
First, it was
"Don't move to Italy."

103
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,133
Followed by an extremely subtle
guilt trip.

104
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,072
And then, randomly preachy.

105
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,240
Nah, not looking.

106
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,908
It's just gonna piss me off.

107
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,577
Why are we exiting again?

108
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,145
Well, if you turn in your binder

109
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,747
to the section labeled
"Mennonite Windmills..."

110
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:40,981
Get back on the expressway now.

111
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,115
(scoffs)

112
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:45,018
The expressway's
for gloveless amateurs.

113
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:46,186
I'm done.

114
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,021
There's a train station
coming up; just drop me off.

115
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,990
Okay, but some newfangled
train's not gonna stop

116
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:52,259
at the 40-foot-tall
butter churn in Ronkonkoma!

117
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,796
Yes, but unlike any of
your 18th-century stops,

118
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:59,132
at least the train will have
a 21st-century toilet!

119
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,634
You're a 21st-century toilet!

120
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:01,702
(gasps)

121
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:02,703
Train now!

122
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,505
Fine!

123
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:07,608
Okay, so far,
I've got 12 wild cards,

124
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,009
not counting the ring bear.

125
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,110
Ring bear-er.

126
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,345
Oh, oh, here's another one.

127
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,847
You know how I found out
that I'm one-quarter Canadian

128
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,015
but I've completely
blocked that out

129
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:16,784
because your nation's ridiculous
and I'm awesome?

130
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:17,851
Sure.

131
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,987
Well, turns out,
I have a crazy cousin Mitch

132
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,221
on that side of the family.

133
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,189
That's funny.

134
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:24,024
I have a crazy
cousin Mitch, too.

135
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,026
But I guarantee
he is crazier than yours.

136
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,328
He built his own house
from timber he chopped down

137
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,130
from other people's houses.

138
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,465
That's funny.

139
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:33,033
My cousin Mitch
is a lumberjack.

140
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,836
Except mine has six fingers.

141
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,137
On one hand or total?

142
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,105
Total.

143
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,074
Are truckers always
beating him up?

144
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,976
Yes, because he has to...

145
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,077
BOTH: ...hitchhike
with his middle finger.

146
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:46,880
Wait.

147
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:49,216
Is it possible that we're...

148
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:54,422
Could... c-could...
could we be...?

149
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:55,889
Shh...

150
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,529
Ranjit, could you be a dear
and pull over for a second?

151
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:04,064
Pulling over!

152
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,099
(both chuckle weakly)

153
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:10,938
(both retching)

154
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,840
All right, train.

155
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:16,009
Let's show your critics you're
not just a Dumpster on wheels

156
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,511
full of drunk idiots.

157
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,847
CONDUCTOR:
We're being held at this station

158
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,181
until further notice.

159
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,216
I got to sober up.

160
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:36,864
(phone ringing)

161
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,032
Eriksen residence,
Judy speaking.

162
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,400
Why did you post
that judge photo?

163
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,102
Because I'm guilty...

164
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:45,105
of being one proud mama!

165
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,040
Lily doesn't know
that I took the job,

166
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,442
so if she sees it,
I'm dead.

167
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:49,610
Just take it down, okay?

168
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:50,644
Fine.

169
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:53,113
Let me just get on the online

170
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,648
so I can Internet.

171
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:57,150
I love the lingo!

172
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:59,152
(modem screeching)

173
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,921
Look, Mom,
just-just...

174
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,056
click on the photo
on your wall,

175
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,726
and then under "menu,"
click on "options."

176
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,961
Some kind of advertisement
popped on.

177
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,563
Oh, my.

178
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,265
That appears to be pornography.

179
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:14,267
Just click
on "options."

180
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,970
(whispering):
It's men with other men.

181
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,071
(whispering loudly):
Just click on "options"!

182
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,172
Excuse me!

183
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,941
Are there any other seats
left on this plane?

184
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:21,975
No.

185
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,110
Hell, I've been
going to Pilates.

186
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,178
I can just hang on
to the landing gear like this.

187
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:26,179
Sorry, ma'am.

188
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,281
I only signed up for Pilates,

189
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,984
I haven't actually
started going yet.

190
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,853
I didn't sign up.

191
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,323
LILY:
No, I'm not looking.

192
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:39,326
I don't need to see
my child used against me.

193
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:43,296
My sweet, beautiful child
who I haven't seen in a week...

194
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:47,000
whose head smells like love
and unicorn teardrops,

195
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,969
and why are trains
so lonely?!

196
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:49,970
Damn it, I'm looking!

197
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,304
WOMAN:
Hey, are you okay?

198
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,173
You look stressed.

199
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,041
Plus, you muttered

200
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,509
a few words out loud.

201
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,444
I heard "lonely" and "unicorn,"

202
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,979
which actually gave me
a great idea

203
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,615
for a children's book,
so thank you.

204
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,216
Are you okay?

205
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,852
No.

206
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,787
But there's nothing you can do.

207
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:07,988
Do you want a cookie?

208
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,456
(crying):
Yes.

209
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,624
Yes, I do.

210
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:11,959
Wow.

211
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:12,993
You just took a cookie

212
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,728
from a complete stranger
on a train.

213
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:16,063
I like how trusting you are.

214
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,965
There could be drugs
or poison in there.

215
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,567
But there's not, is there?

216
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,034
No idea,
I found them under my seat.

217
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,035
No!

218
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,503
Kidding! Sorry!

219
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,806
You looked stressed, so I
thought you could use a cookie,

220
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,340
then I thought
you could use a joke.

221
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,076
I should have stopped
at the cookie.

222
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:29,977
You know what?

223
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,079
I don't care
if these are poisoned.

224
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,513
There's chocolate
and peanut butter

225
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,215
and caramel in these sumbitches.

226
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,651
I call them "Sumbitches"!

227
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:38,819
(laughing)

228
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:39,853
NARRATOR:
And that's how Lily

229
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,221
met your mother.

230
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,658
Are Cousin Mitch and I
directly related?

231
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,159
No, Mom, I'm asking

232
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,228
is Cousin Mitch
a blood relative?

233
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,597
I'm not asking
about Cousin Pete,

234
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:51,098
I'm asking about Cousin Robin!

235
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,099
Mitch!

236
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,000
Cousin Mitch!

237
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,334
Well, just find out
from Uncle Frank

238
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,335
and call me back!

239
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,937
Well, then, go
visit Cousin Cecil

240
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,106
at his sky-diving school
and ask him!

241
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,942
Oh, God, he did?

242
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,211
Well, I guess that can happen

243
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,879
no matter
how experienced you are.

244
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,748
I'm so sorry.

245
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:08,949
(exhales)

246
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,951
My cousin Cecil...

247
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,219
got fired.

248
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,453
(sighs):
Oh.

249
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:14,955
That's a relief.

250
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,990
He was so distraught, he jumped
off a bridge; he's dead.

251
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:21,294
Um... I'm so sorry
for your loss.

252
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:25,633
It may be our loss.

253
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,901
(both shudder)

254
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,870
Just click
on "options"!

255
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,873
All I see is a man
holding a bratwurst!

256
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,141
Oh.

257
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,744
No, the pornography's back.

258
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,478
I said, please turn off
all electronic devices.

259
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,414
Oh. (laughs)

260
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,751
This isn't an
electronic device.

261
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,485
This is actually a toy.

262
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,087
For my son.

263
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,757
We call it Phone-y.
(scoffs)

264
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,725
I call you phony.

265
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:54,928
We can't take off
till you hang up.

266
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,830
Okay, enough.
Give me that phone!

267
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,098
Just click
on "options."

268
00:09:58,131 --> 00:09:59,499
I don't see it!

269
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,568
I said,
give me the phone!

270
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,736
Just click
on "options"!

271
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,337
Stop yelling at me!

272
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,505
Just click
on "options."

273
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:06,506
Give me the phone.

274
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:07,775
Click on "options"!

275
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,843
Click on...
I have a baby!

276
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,945
Please, I-I have to get
to New York.

277
00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,513
Yeah, well, you should
have thought about that

278
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:14,614
before you attacked me.

279
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,016
All right, boys,
you got this?

280
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,250
Good.

281
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,086
Let's get this bird
in the air.
Ah, you're both

282
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,520
banned from this flight.

283
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:25,492
So I was driving with my
friend, who thinks he's

284
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,027
"The Road Trip Master."

285
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:30,130
He has leather driving gloves.

286
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,531
Who wears those?

287
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:34,034
Huge dorks, that's who.

288
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,035
NARRATOR:
Your mother was lying.

289
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,204
She had her own pair.

290
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,638
And he always makes us stop

291
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:41,541
to see some weird
roadside attraction

292
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,945
no one except him
gives a crap about.

293
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,379
Nerd alert.

294
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,115
NARRATOR:
Kids, you remember
the seven-hour detour

295
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,817
on our road trip
to Disney World

296
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,552
so your mother didn't miss
that goat in South Carolina

297
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,021
who could blow smoke rings.

298
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:58,491
And he won't go one mile an hour
over the speed limit.

299
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,060
That would drive me crazy.

300
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:03,030
I would give him
a humiliating nickname

301
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,899
until he stopped driving
like a little girl.

302
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,468
NARRATOR:
It was "Lady Tedwina Slowsby."

303
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,971
And it worked.

304
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,507
Okay, look, if it's
true, if we are...

305
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,009
(gags softly)

306
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,210
You know.

307
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:18,879
It's really not that big a deal.

308
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,513
Okay, we-we know
we won't have kids.

309
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:21,982
And even if we did,

310
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,884
King Joffrey's parents
were brother and sister,

311
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,518
and he was
a fair and wise leader.

312
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:28,021
Yeah. Look, no one
ever needs to know but us.

313
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:28,856
Exactly.

314
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:30,023
(both chuckle)

315
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,191
I know.

316
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:36,329
BARNEY:
We might have to...

317
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,431
ROBIN:
Take care of Ranjit.

318
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,567
Hey, you just finished my...

319
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,736
Creepy telepathic
murder thought.

320
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:46,006
Oh, it must be
a soul mate thing.

321
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,207
Unless...

322
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,778
it's a weird cousin thing.

323
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,412
(gags softly)

324
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:55,182
So we'll be good
either way, right?

325
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,549
Honey?

326
00:11:56,583 --> 00:12:00,187
That's right... sweetie.

327
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,622
Now, get over here, you.

328
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:05,993
Gah, just try
and stop me.

329
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:19,606
Aw.
Ooh, ooh.

330
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,574
Ooh, mmm, mmm, mmm.

331
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,076
Well, I can't wait
till tonight.

332
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,244
I have got some

333
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,578
naughty-naughty-naughty
things planned.

334
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:26,880
Aw.

335
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:29,316
Oh, wow, you have certainly
piqued my incest.

336
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,583
Interest. Interest!

337
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:36,089
I still can't believe he dragged
me to the childhood home

338
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:39,392
of some stupid bucklesmith
no one's ever even heard of.

339
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,929
Yeah, who cares
about Florian van Otterloop?

340
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,964
I never told you his name.

341
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,432
Sumbitch?

342
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,268
I mean, why'd he have to
act that way?

343
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:51,004
He knows I hate
how he gets on road trips.

344
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:54,107
It almost seems like
he wanted you to storm off.

345
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,976
But we're going
to the same place.

346
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:59,079
There's no reason
why he'd want to ditch me.

347
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,481
NARRATOR:
And suddenly Lily remembered
that a week ago,

348
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:04,117
I'd helped Robin look
for her long-lost locket.

349
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,186
But it was gone.

350
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,292
Then Lily told me
the locket actually got stashed

351
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:15,095
in my pencil box,
but when I opened it...

352
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,130
the locket wasn't there.

353
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,531
Good.

354
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:19,666
'Cause that locket's trouble.

355
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:20,934
How? It's-it's just a friendly,

356
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,102
innocent wedding gift.

357
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,103
It's not innocent.

358
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,771
Ted, you think

359
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,975
if you can get that locket
for Robin you'll win her back.

360
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:30,577
Lily, I've let it go.

361
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,284
I mean...
What?

362
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,852
There's, like,
a one percent chance

363
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,154
that Stella has the locket
from when we lived together.

364
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:43,490
Promise me you didn't call
the woman who left you

365
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:46,693
at the altar so that
you could find that locket.

366
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:47,895
Of course not.

367
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:48,962
I e-mailed her.

368
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,130
Ted.

369
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,331
But Stella's living
in L.A. now.

370
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,465
And even if she has it,

371
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:53,833
it's buried
in some storage unit.

372
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,135
She said I'd have
to fly out there

373
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,004
and look for it myself.

374
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:59,139
Promise me you aren't
about to do that.

375
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,874
I promise.

376
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:03,110
Sumbitch!

377
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,094
You better hope when Sweaty
finally gets off that phone,

378
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:23,196
he can get me on the next flight
to New York.

379
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,432
I got the password
from my mom.

380
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:27,100
I'm gonna take that
photo down myself.

381
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,202
You know, I don't give
a damn about your photo.

382
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,538
My daughter is giving
a big speech for the Model U.N.

383
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,974
at her school, and I'm
gonna miss it because of you.

384
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,910
(sighs)

385
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:39,346
Her father and I are separated.

386
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,747
She lives with her dad.

387
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:44,184
And if I don't make it...

388
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:47,054
she's never gonna
trust me again.

389
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,189
I'm so sorry.

390
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,958
Wow, that worked on you?

391
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,693
Let's hope Pit Stains is
as dumb as you are.

392
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,262
What? Why is this
so hard for my mom?

393
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:56,263
All you do

394
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,098
is you click the photo,

395
00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:00,067
and then you click on the...

396
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,902
I don't see...
I don't see "options."

397
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,038
Just click on "options."

398
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:06,039
But where is it?

399
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,074
Just click on "options."

400
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:08,541
Is it up on the toolbar?

401
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,443
Just click on "options."
It's not there!

402
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:13,480
Just click on "options"!

403
00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:17,050
(phone ringing)

404
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,818
Hi, Grandma.

405
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:21,154
You-you can explain how
Cousin Mitch is related to us?

406
00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:23,223
Explain, Grandma, explain!

407
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,158
Okay, he married
Barney's dad's cousin Renee,

408
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:26,759
who he met selling Vachon cakes

409
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,162
outside a curling bonspiel
in Chicoutimi.

410
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,463
English, Grandma, English!

411
00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:33,166
And on our side of the family,
he was adopted

412
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,968
because his real parents
were eaten alive

413
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,103
by their sled dogs?

414
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,105
That's awesome!
Thanks, Grandma.

415
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:40,273
(both sigh)

416
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:41,741
So...

417
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,311
So you and I share
no DNA whatsoever.

418
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,446
Let's change that.

419
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,081
(both moaning)

420
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,849
RANJIT:
Don't hold back.

421
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:52,252
This divider is
totally soundproof.

422
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,622
Go all the way.

423
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,090
Wait till the hotel?

424
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,025
Totally.

425
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,327
Hey, you know what?

426
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,296
I'm not worried about a wild
card at our wedding anymore.

427
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,865
Whether it's Uncle Vic
or Aunt Shelly

428
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:06,933
or the ring bear.

429
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,501
Ring bear-er. Er.

430
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,837
Whether any
of those mammals go rogue,

431
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:14,474
our wedding is
gonna be legendary.

432
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,144
No "wait for it"?

433
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,346
I've got you.

434
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:22,015
I don't have to
wait for it anymore.

435
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,889
(phone ringing)

436
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,729
(line ringing)

437
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:37,964
It's a long story,

438
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,200
but if we don't beat my friend
out to that wedding,

439
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,501
it's gonna be bad.

440
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,970
This is too stressful.
I-I need to see Marvin!

441
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,139
No! You made me promise
not to let you look,

442
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,640
because it's
only gonna upset you.

443
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,843
Here, have another sum... bitch.

444
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,913
No more sumbitches?!

445
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,582
Give me the damn phone!

446
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,150
(both scream)

447
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,186
(clamoring)
Just go to "edit"
on the toolbar!

448
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:00,553
No, "account settings"!

449
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,155
Just click
on "options."

450
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,523
Stop!

451
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:06,226
It can't be done.

452
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:09,229
That photo is etched
in eternity.

453
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,898
Long after humanity's
reign has ended,

454
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,933
the only traces
of our civilization found

455
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,502
by Earth's new ape masters
will be

456
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,504
the top
of the Statue of Liberty

457
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,706
and this photo of me
pretending to be

458
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:23,376
a judge with a banana gavel.

459
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,512
Well, they'll probably like
the banana thing.

460
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,114
The ape masters?

461
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,016
Sorry.
Lily's gonna see it,

462
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,685
and we're gonna have
the biggest fight of our lives.

463
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:36,123
(chuckles) Oh, I wish I could
see your wife kick your ass.

464
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,525
I don't mean a physical fight.

465
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:39,626
She's not an animal.

466
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,961
I'm sorry I tried
to bite you.

467
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:44,597
I'm sorry that I swatted you
on the nose

468
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:45,932
with a rolled-up magazine.

469
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,235
It's the only way I'll learn.

470
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:54,607
Look, I haven't seen
my baby in a week.

471
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,709
You know what?

472
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,145
Go for it.

473
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,088
It's gone!

474
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,623
It's gone!
(all cheering)

475
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:11,758
You did it!

476
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,527
You did it! (laughs)

477
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:18,398
No new insulting Marvin photo.

478
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,167
Hmm.

479
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:24,937
(voice breaks):
No new insulting Marvin photo.

480
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,474
I know I'm just a stranger
on a train

481
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:31,478
who you tried to bite, but...
do you want a hug?

482
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,700
(Lily yells)

483
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:56,303
Lily! What the hell?!

484
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:02,175
Ted and I had some
road trip issues.

485
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,110
Did he put on the gloves?
Mm-hmm.

486
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,412
That tackle was justified.

487
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:08,147
What's this?
It's for you.

488
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:09,916
Don't open it.

489
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,154
TED: With all
the big changes coming up,

490
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:17,690
I just wanted Robin
to remember her friends.

491
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,493
We all want nothing but
happiness for you and Barney.

492
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,061
Right, Lily?

493
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:24,964
Right.

494
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,133
Oh, wow.

495
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,368
That was, what, eight years ago?

496
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:29,369
Yeah.

497
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,371
Eight years.

498
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,274
Thanks, Ted.

499
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,682
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna get checked in.

500
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:46,586
Marshall's flight just took off.

501
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,187
My boys will be here soon.

502
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:50,156
Oh, yay.

503
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,058
NARRATOR:
Actually, Lily's boys were
just learning there was

504
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:55,161
only one more flight out
to New York with one seat left,

505
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,063
and it was all the way
across the airport.

506
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,784
You're not gonna
tackle me again, are you?

507
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,118
I'm the maid of honor.

508
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,953
There's a good chance
that won't be

509
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,389
my only tackle of the weekend.

510
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,023
NARRATOR:
It wasn't.

511
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,225
Look, I'm sorry.

512
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:29,061
I just got it in my head
that you somehow managed

513
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:31,063
to track down that locket
in Los Angeles,

514
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:33,065
and now you were gonna
blow up the wedding.

515
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:34,801
You really think I'm that crazy?

516
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,305
(sighs)
I guess that's fair.

517
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:42,241
Look, even though I was wrong,
tell me you aren't thinking

518
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,911
about doing anything
insane this weekend.

519
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,946
Of course not.

520
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:49,549
NARRATOR:
And all I can say, kids,

521
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:53,085
is at that moment,
I really thought I meant it.

522
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:56,989
But the truth is...
you never know

523
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:59,058
who's gonna be the wild card
at a wedding.

524
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:10,603
Hi. One ticket
to Los Angeles, please.

525
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:14,040
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org