1 00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:03,904 NARRATOR: Kids, in the spring of 2013, 2 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,807 we were all tying up loose ends before the big wedding. 3 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,376 I was right here in this very room, 4 00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:09,943 putting the finishing touches on the house. 5 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:17,185 Oh, come on! 6 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,353 NARRATOR: Barney and Robin were wrapping up rehearsal 7 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:20,354 for their first dance. 8 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,823 That was amazing. We can do better. 9 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,024 Back to one, everyone! 10 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:27,195 Reload the cannons, we'll go again right away. 11 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,530 (sighs) 12 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:30,931 NARRATOR: And Lily and Marshall were packing 13 00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:32,933 for their year in Italy. 14 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,202 (phone rings) 15 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:36,204 Hello. 16 00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,072 How's my favorite daughter-in-law? 17 00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:39,073 Oh, things are 18 00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:40,374 a bit crazy here. 19 00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,376 We've got this big move to Rome coming up, 20 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,944 and I, I just can't shake the feeling 21 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,214 that I'm forgetting something, you know. 22 00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:48,916 I know, I know, I'm being crazy, right? 23 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,618 Right, Judy? 24 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:51,619 Right, Judy? 25 00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:54,155 You're moving to Rome?! 26 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,224 (whispering): Is that my mom? 27 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,826 Don't mention Rome. 28 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,276 You didn't tell your mom about Rome? 29 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:16,277 It didn't feel right. 30 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:17,945 This isn't over-the-phone news. 31 00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:19,213 This is face-to-face news. 32 00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:22,082 I was gonna tell her when we see her at Christmas. 33 00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:23,384 You were gonna wait and tell her 34 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,986 after we had already been living there for six months? 35 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,622 That... was a great plan. 36 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:29,657 Damn it. 37 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,461 Hey, Mom, it's Marshall. 38 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,163 If you're moving to Rome, 39 00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:39,167 I at least need to see my grandson before you go! 40 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,635 Of course, and that is why we would love 41 00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:43,904 for you to come visit us for a week. 42 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,939 No. 43 00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:47,675 The place will be all packed up. 44 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,344 Oh, oh, uh, okay, hey, Mom, better idea: 45 00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:52,813 how about we all come visit you for a week? 46 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,448 I can't go to Minnesota for a week. 47 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,650 I have a job. 48 00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:59,153 Okay, Mom, here's the plan: um, Lily has to work, 49 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:02,923 so Marvin and I will come visit you for a whole week, 50 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,492 and I-I'll see if I can get a last-minute flight. 51 00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:09,029 You are going to take my infant son 52 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:11,332 away from me for a whole week? 53 00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:14,368 Whoo! 54 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,704 So, what do you want to do tonight-- 55 00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,972 drink ourselves blind, set a car on fire? 56 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:21,609 (gasps) Ooh, watch a movie that doesn't start 57 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,178 with a desk lamp jumping on top of a capital "I"? 58 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,780 I'm all yours, Teddy Westside. 59 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:29,217 Actually, tonight it's Teddy Westchester. 60 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,485 Got to head up to the house, take care of some stuff. 61 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,854 Oh, yeah, how's the restoration going? 62 00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:36,457 Actually, done. 63 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:37,458 You finished the house? 64 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,293 Well, I want to see it. 65 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,061 Marshall already canceled the cable, huh? 66 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,363 And the Wi-Fi. It's like Little House 67 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:43,631 on the Freaking Prairie up there. 68 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,698 Mm-hmm. 69 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,969 Well, the wedding planning is done, 70 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:52,540 so tonight is all about relaxing and celebrating 71 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,508 everything that makes us awesome, 72 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,343 which is why 73 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,678 I requested our favorite table. 74 00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,713 The one by the window. 75 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:03,183 Where we were sitting the night we saw those two bums fighting. 76 00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,018 BOTH: Over a sandwich. 77 00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:07,555 (both laughing) 78 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,189 We almost called the cops. (sighs) 79 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,359 And then we realized they weren't fighting at all. 80 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:12,760 They were making love. 81 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:13,527 (sighs) 82 00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,162 Over a sandwich. 83 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,531 Oh, I almost forgot. 84 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,032 (gasps) 85 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:20,100 Ha-ha, yeah. No way, is that...? 86 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,370 El Piramide. 87 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:25,072 The first cigar we ever smoked together. 88 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:26,674 Aw, Barney. 89 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:27,375 (chuckles) 90 00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:28,942 WOMAN: Excuse me. 91 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,110 Hi. 92 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,779 Could you not? Thanks. 93 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:33,013 Uh... 94 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,214 dude, I'm not gonna light 'em up in here. 95 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,183 I'm just looking at 'em. 96 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,051 Right, but even when they're unlit, 97 00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,254 the smell-- it's very... 98 00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:41,255 Pungent. 99 00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:43,223 Exactly-- thank you. 100 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:46,760 It's a very pungent smell. 101 00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:49,029 So, could you not? 102 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,063 Thanks. 103 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:54,101 Okay. 104 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,537 (sighs) 105 00:03:56,570 --> 00:04:00,774 I'm sorry, can you also put the bag away? 106 00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:05,879 It-It's just really unappetizing to look at. 107 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,415 You're unappetizing to look at. 108 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,950 You know what? Um, I'll put them away, okay? 109 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,118 Enjoy your night. 110 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,186 We'll try. 111 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,890 Did those two just become our archenemies? 112 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,125 No, Robin, they've always been 113 00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:19,092 our archenemies. 114 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:22,496 They've only just revealed themselves. 115 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:23,731 Hi, Kristen? 116 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,899 Everyone pronounces it wrong. (groans) 117 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,935 The "R" is after the "I." 118 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:28,969 Kirsten. 119 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,404 And before the "I." 120 00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:33,273 (sighs) It's Krirsten. 121 00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,708 Your table's ready. 122 00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:39,246 Wow, they're "trerrible." 123 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,247 You know what? 124 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,149 Don't even think about them, okay? 125 00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,318 Tonight is about celebrating us. You're right, you're right. 126 00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:47,087 We shouldn't let a couple... MAN: Nope, nope. 127 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,522 I'm a self-diagnosed claustrophobic. 128 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,924 I have to sit next to the window. 129 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,626 No, that's our table, that's our table, 130 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,328 that's our table, that's our table, that's our table, 131 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,929 that's our table. 132 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,831 (groans) 133 00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,099 You know what? 134 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,201 Screw celebrating us. You know what we're gonna do? 135 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:04,204 BOTH: Make those smug, obnoxious sons of bitches pay. 136 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:05,639 Aw... 137 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,775 (both giggle) 138 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,977 NARRATOR: So Aunt Lily and I drove up to Westchester. 139 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:10,978 (phone rings) 140 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,213 Hey, baby, 141 00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:14,214 how's Minnesota? 142 00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:15,983 MARSHALL: It is so much fun. 143 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,184 Oh, hold on one sec. 144 00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:20,320 Marshall, I made you this welcome-home ice cream sundae. 145 00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:23,023 But I can't remember, do you like crushed nuts? 146 00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,024 MARSHALL: I love 147 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,125 crushed nuts. 148 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,560 Oh! 149 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:31,064 Anyway, it's, it's great to be home. 150 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:32,500 How's Judy doing? 151 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:33,634 Oh, she's great. 152 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:34,902 It's cute, you know, she keeps joking 153 00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,637 about how she's not gonna let us leave. 154 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,005 I'm really not. 155 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,640 It's not a joke. 156 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:40,641 (laughing) 157 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:45,012 (all laughing) 158 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,847 Judy's going to talk him out of going to Rome. 159 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,982 I knew something was going to screw up our plans, 160 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,384 and this is it. 161 00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:52,853 She is going to convince him never to leave the country. 162 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,822 I think you're imagining things. 163 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:58,025 Oh, yeah? Well, check out what's already on Facebook. 164 00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,660 Inconclusive. 165 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,462 Oh, really? 166 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:04,765 It's getting conclusiver. 167 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:05,766 Hey, Lily. 168 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,068 What? Come on. 169 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:11,004 Okay, open 'em. 170 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,441 Your eyes-- sorry, they should have been closed. 171 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:14,442 That one's on me. 172 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,443 Let's try again. 173 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:16,610 Wow. 174 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:20,013 Ted, you did this all yourself? 175 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:23,016 Just like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. 176 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,052 I was pretty manly till I mentioned 177 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,054 Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, huh? 178 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,589 Even I haven't seen it, Ted. 179 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,358 Just think, this is the house 180 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,126 your kids are going to grow up in. 181 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,963 They are going to roast marshmallows 182 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,798 in this fireplace. 183 00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:38,799 They're gonna experiment 184 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:41,034 with recreational drugs 185 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,202 on that porch. 186 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,471 They're gonna sit on a couch right here 187 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,205 and listen to your boring stories about... 188 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:48,175 "For sale" sign? 189 00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,111 Are you selling this place? 190 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,080 Yeah. 191 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,482 Why? 192 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:59,453 Because I'm moving to Chicago. 193 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,061 Ow. 194 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,096 So, what are we gonna do-- 195 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,330 put something in their food, 196 00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:12,466 key their car? Ooh, 197 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,067 do either of those cigars explode? 198 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:17,204 Hold on, Wile E. Coyote, I think I got something. 199 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,574 He's checking out the hostess. 200 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:24,111 Now, a guy who's happily in a relationship sees a girl 201 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:28,516 like that, he'll check her out maybe 14, 15 times, tops. 202 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,151 16 times, tops. 203 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:34,955 So Krirsten's more invested in the relationship 204 00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,090 than her fella is. 205 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,126 That could spell trouble. 206 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,861 Challenge accepted. 207 00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,031 Hey, do you think it's bad luck for a bride 208 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:47,034 to break up two strangers a week before her wedding? 209 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:51,371 I'd say it's very bad luck... for Krirsten. 210 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,373 (both laughing) 211 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:59,346 Ow, I hate this table so much! 212 00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:00,548 Why would you move 213 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,182 to Chicago? 214 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,984 Because it's the perfect town for me. 215 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,053 I-It's like a Clevelandy New York, 216 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,655 and-- don't act like you haven't noticed-- 217 00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:10,023 my hair excels in the wind. 218 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,158 Besides, 219 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:12,225 you're moving to Rome. 220 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,995 Yeah, for a year, a-and when we get back, 221 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,964 we need you to be here waiting for us, 222 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:20,734 hopefully living in this house with your future bride. 223 00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:23,003 Wha... what future bride? 224 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,004 The girl. 225 00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,172 She's out there 226 00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,174 walking around New York City right now, 227 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,643 probably in a pair of really cute boots 228 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,478 that she's gonna let me borrow whenever I want 229 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,813 because we're the same size. 230 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,414 She is out there, Ted. 231 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:37,017 Is she, really? Because I've looked. 232 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,051 I have looked high 233 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:40,353 and low for someone I can love 234 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,923 and adore and cook waffles for. 235 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,357 The closest I've come is Marshall. 236 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,525 He does love your waffles. 237 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:46,660 It's the cinnamon. 238 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,195 I add cinnamon. 239 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,064 She's not in New York. 240 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,666 Maybe she's in Chicago. (phone rings) 241 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,435 Okay, you are being ridiculous. 242 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:58,071 You are going to find someone here in New York 243 00:08:58,105 --> 00:09:00,173 that you love just as much as I love Marshall. 244 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,541 And you, 245 00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:05,613 if you let Judy talk you out of going to Italy, so help me, 246 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:09,282 I will never let you stuff my ravioli again. 247 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,018 I'm gonna take you off speaker. 248 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,419 Lily, you got to relax. 249 00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:15,522 Okay, my mom is psyched about Italy. 250 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,124 She keeps making jokes about how she's gonna 251 00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:20,694 come live with us in Rome and sleep on the couch 252 00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,062 and cook every meal for us 253 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,031 so we never have to go to a restaurant 254 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,198 the whole year we're there. 255 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,033 It's not a joke. 256 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,067 By not saying no 257 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,136 to me right now, you are giving me 258 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,238 your full consent for that to happen. 259 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,606 (laughs) 260 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:35,108 (laughing and mumbling) 261 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,143 (forced laugh) 262 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,711 I got to go. 263 00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,780 BARNEY: "I'm probably saying some political stuff 264 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:40,948 right now to sound smart." 265 00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:43,483 "I'm probably referring to some snooty podcast 266 00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:45,552 to sound even smarter." 267 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,087 "I'm probably saying something in French." 268 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,088 Aah! 269 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,089 My God... 270 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,991 Ow. 271 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:51,992 Okay, 272 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:52,993 you want to break them up? 273 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,294 I got a plan. 274 00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,429 It's something I know has worked in the past, 275 00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:57,965 but it-it's, it's risky, 276 00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,433 so it's, it's not too late to call it off. 277 00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:03,070 No way, I'm in. Good, 'cause it's too late to call it off. 278 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,972 Observe. 279 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,139 And that is why the senate 280 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,641 can't push anything through. 281 00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:09,509 And Doug Mand said the same thing in his podcast. It's like, 282 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,845 "Après moi le déluge!" 283 00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,046 (laughing) 284 00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,517 Ooh. 285 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:18,618 Oh, my gosh. 286 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,020 Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh. 287 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:22,289 Yes, yes, yes. 288 00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,456 Yes! 289 00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:24,257 MAN: What? 290 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,492 KRIRSTEN: Yes! 291 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:26,593 I will marry you! 292 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,328 (chuckles) Even though a ring in a champagne glass 293 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,163 is a total cliché and this is a cushion cut. 294 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:32,165 And how long have I been hinting that I want a princess cut? 295 00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:33,200 But yes! 296 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,835 That's a mistake. That's not from me. 297 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,837 It's not? 298 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:40,173 We've only been together seven years. 299 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:43,043 Now it becomes clear. Here we go. 300 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,445 You want commitment the same way you want my brother 301 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,015 to work for you. I'm sorry I didn't put an engagement ring in your drink. 302 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:51,351 The way you chug booze, I'm surprised you even noticed. 303 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,553 So, when are you leaving? 304 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,188 Day after the wedding. 305 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,189 What? 306 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:58,358 You can't miss the day after the wedding. 307 00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:01,729 That's when we sit around all hungover, drinking mimosas 308 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,897 and talking smack about who looked fat. 309 00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,966 That's my Christmas. 310 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,902 Why are you in such a rush to get out of there? 311 00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,906 Oh. 312 00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:15,342 Of course. 313 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,410 You're not leaving because you think 314 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,646 the love of your life isn't in New York. 315 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,715 You're leaving because you think she is. 316 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:23,150 And this time next week, 317 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,086 she'll be married to your best friend. 318 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,055 (phone rings) 319 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,589 (sighs) Baby! 320 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:30,991 I am in the middle 321 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,125 of something super dramatic here. 322 00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,995 But real quick: If you let Judy come to Rome with us, 323 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,064 you are going to have to find someone else 324 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,099 to do your laundry and massage your feet. 325 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:42,002 Oh, my gosh, she's going to do all that, won't she? 326 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,171 Lily, you have to stop freaking out. 327 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,373 Nothing is going to screw up the plan. 328 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,008 We're doing this. 329 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,276 I love you. 330 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,978 I love you, baby. Bye. 331 00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:54,547 (phone rings) 332 00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:55,949 Hello? 333 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:57,284 Hi. Marshall Eriksen? 334 00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,353 I'm calling from the New York State Judiciary Committee. 335 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,923 Uh, you applied for a judgeship a few months ago, remember? 336 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,457 Uh, of... of course. 337 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:05,893 Well, I have good news. 338 00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:08,095 We have a last-minute opening on the bench. 339 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,063 What are you saying to me right now? 340 00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:11,564 I'm saying congratulations. 341 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,600 We want you to be a judge. 342 00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,109 So, you want me to be a judge? Yes. 343 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,977 And I would start a week from Tuesday? Yes. 344 00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:26,146 Could I maybe start a year from Tuesday? No. 345 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,981 Got to be a week from Tuesday? Yes. 346 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,449 And I'd be a real judge? Yes. 347 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:30,417 With a robe? Yes. 348 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:31,451 Gavel? Yes. 349 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,153 Wacky Southern accent? No. 350 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:34,387 (bad Southern accent): Now, counselor, 351 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:35,789 are you absolutely sure? 352 00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:37,490 Yes. And I have to be in New York for this? 353 00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,126 Yes. I can't telecommute? 354 00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:41,228 No. I couldn't be the crazy speakerphone judge? 355 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,963 No. Could I be a hologram? 356 00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,664 No. Animatronic robot 357 00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,800 like Abe Lincoln from the Hall of Presidents 358 00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:49,636 that I control from afar with a joystick? No. 359 00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:52,005 Do you remember the giant Jor-El head from Superman? 360 00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,106 Yes. Well, what if I...? 361 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,808 No. Is there any way 362 00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,409 that I could do this 363 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:59,479 and also spend the next year of my life 364 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,314 in Italy with my wife? No. 365 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,316 This is such a big decision. 366 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,752 I-I'm not good at big decisions. 367 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,155 Are you sure you want to be a judge? 368 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:13,093 Wow. Now that we've broken up a seven-year relationship 369 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,962 just 'cause they stole our table, 370 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,796 I feel kind of... Awesome? 371 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,199 I was going to say horny, but yeah, awesome, too. 372 00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:21,301 (both laughing) 373 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,502 No way. 374 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,137 Are you kidding me? What? 375 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:25,105 BARNEY: Whoa. Is there going to be a fight? 376 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,439 Okay, here's the play. 377 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,375 You take the girl, and the guy and I will watch. 378 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:31,011 Hello. Just the people we want to see. 379 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:34,681 We got in a pretty big fight because of you guys. 380 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,316 We had to call our therapists after hours. 381 00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,318 Not cool. 382 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:40,153 Anyway, it got us to where we are now. 383 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,521 We're getting married! 384 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:43,823 And I'm taking her last name. 385 00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:45,325 You should think about doing the same thing. 386 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:46,960 Well, good night. Good night. 387 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:48,728 Good night. Congratulations. 388 00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:51,164 Yes, definitely. 389 00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:53,200 That was us. 390 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,036 We made that happen. 391 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,038 We're pretty cool. 392 00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:00,407 And, you know, a week from today, 393 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,877 we are going to be legend... wait for it... 394 00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:04,978 Married. 395 00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,846 Legend-married. Legend-married. 396 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,082 (both laughing) 397 00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:12,185 Robin Scherbatsky, I love you so damn much. 398 00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,821 I love you, too, Barney Scherbatsky. 399 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,489 That sounds good. 400 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,025 Shh. Think about it. 401 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,559 TED: They're happy. 402 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,394 And I'm happy for them. 403 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:24,097 I want them to have an amazing life together. I just... 404 00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:26,066 I just think it would be best for everyone 405 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,200 if I wasn't around for it. 406 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:31,038 Did something happen recently between you and Robin? 407 00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,739 No. 408 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,207 Where's the poop, Ted? 409 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,611 She called me up the other day. 410 00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,447 She was trying to dig up this locket 411 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,382 she had buried behind the Central Park Carousel, 412 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,252 and I blew off that big interview to go help her. 413 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:49,122 And then... it started raining. 414 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,427 I'll, uh... 415 00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:55,762 I'll see you at the wedding. 416 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,430 Yeah. 417 00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:59,432 TED: Even now, after all these years, 418 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,901 there's still just this part of me where, 419 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,403 if there's even the slightest chance 420 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,238 something I do could make Robin smile, 421 00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:08,275 I don't even think about it-- I just do it. 422 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,642 I mean, if I could make 423 00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,478 that locket magically appear, I would. 424 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:13,580 I would open a vein in my arm 425 00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:15,782 if I could bleed that locket out, 426 00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,817 just to make her happy. 427 00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:22,122 That's just a really sucky way to feel 428 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,357 about your best friend's fiancée. 429 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,496 So I'm going to come to the wedding, and, uh, 430 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,199 you know, I'll have a good time, but after that, I... 431 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:34,501 What? 432 00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:39,072 (sighs) I know where the locket is. 433 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,473 What? 434 00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:42,642 I know where the locket is. 435 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,677 It-it was a few years ago, 436 00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,279 right before you were supposed to marry Stella. 437 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,081 I went down to the bar one night 438 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,916 to get a drink, and what should I see? 439 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,018 Lily! 440 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,785 Hey, girl. 441 00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,454 I got a question for you. 442 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:58,125 Why isn't Ted marrying me? 443 00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,492 Whoa... 444 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:01,594 I'm sorry. Oh, God. 445 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,962 I'm sorry. 446 00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:06,433 I just... I-I should be happy for him, 447 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,501 and yet here I am, 448 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:12,205 moving off to Japan just to get away from him. 449 00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:14,307 And-and I guess to see those... 450 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:17,044 those terra-cotta warriors and the Great Wall. 451 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:18,778 Well, that's China. 452 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,047 What? This? 453 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,348 No, it's just a paper plate. 454 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,350 (plate shatters) 455 00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,884 Uh, we should get out of here. 456 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,186 Come on. Come on. Oh, totally. 457 00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,588 I know just where we should go. 458 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,060 Man, you're fast when you're drunk. 459 00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:36,129 But at least you're still making good decisions. 460 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,997 Central Park, around midnight, 461 00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,966 digging a hole with a spoon. 462 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,134 Solid. 463 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,170 Jackpot. (sighs) 464 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,204 What is that? 465 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,939 My something old. 466 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:53,012 This locket was my grandma's. 467 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:56,849 She kept it hidden in her butt all through World War II. 468 00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,151 What? Where was she? 469 00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,653 Winnipeg. 470 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,021 (laughing) 471 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:02,989 Oh, come on. 472 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,325 Lily, it's a joke. 473 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,327 Yeah, I was going to wear this 474 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,528 when I married Ted. 475 00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:09,996 I guess that's not going to happen. 476 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:13,433 So I am taking it with me to Japan. 477 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:17,003 Okay, Lily, help me put this locket in my butt. 478 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,771 Okay. Uh, you know what? 479 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:23,110 Why don't we put it in this pencil box instead? 480 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:27,046 Oh, and then I will take the pencil box with me to Japan. 481 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,849 Okay. Hey, Lily? 482 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:33,052 Help me put this pencil box in my butt. 483 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,121 (laughing) 484 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,224 Wait! 485 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,859 There's one other thing I have to do. 486 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,628 Lily, it's very important. 487 00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:44,030 It's something that needs to happen 488 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,399 right now. Yeah? 489 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,067 Then she barfed in my face. 490 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,202 It was a lovely night. 491 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:53,106 Wait. You put the locket in the race car pencil box? 492 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,075 Yep. And then Robin took it to Japan. 493 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:58,278 No, she didn't. 494 00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:03,416 It's sitting on my desk at home right now. 495 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,752 It's been with me all along. 496 00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:08,455 Ted. The locket is in the pencil box. 497 00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:10,157 This is awesome. 498 00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,591 Ted. 499 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:12,992 No, I just... I just mean, 500 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,662 this is going to be the best wedding gift ever. 501 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:18,097 It's going to blow her mind. 502 00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,132 Ted. 503 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,602 Be careful. 504 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,038 * 505 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:36,149 * Well, this is just a simple song * 506 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:40,253 * To say what you've done 507 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:44,424 * I told you about all those fears * 508 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,926 * And away they did run 509 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:50,563 * You sure must be strong 510 00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,467 * And you feel like an ocean 511 00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:56,803 * Being warmed by the sun... 512 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,171 Come on, we got to go. 513 00:18:58,205 --> 00:18:59,339 Wait. What am I forgetting? 514 00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:02,275 Nothing. You're not forgetting anything. Let's go. 515 00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,443 Oh, wait, I'm forgetting something. 516 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,011 What? 517 00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:07,980 * I swear that I dreamt 518 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,349 Let's go get married. Yeah. 519 00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:13,553 * Your face on a football field and a kiss... * 520 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:14,954 MARSHALL: Bottle for Marvin during takeoff. 521 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,055 Got it, baby. 522 00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,056 LILY: And hey, just think, 523 00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,125 one week from right now... 524 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,193 We'll be in Italy. 525 00:19:20,227 --> 00:19:21,861 We'll be in Italy. 526 00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,796 Okay, um, I-I got to go, baby. 527 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,199 Um, I love you. 528 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,201 You still haven't told her. 529 00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:30,036 No. 530 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:32,171 This is face-to-face news. 531 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:34,006 Good luck with that... 532 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,175 Your Honor. 533 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:40,747 * Don't go thinking you gotta be tough * 534 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,048 * To bleed like a stone 535 00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,083 Hello. 536 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:47,387 * Could be there's nothing else... * 537 00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,055 You want me to grab your bag? Yeah. Thanks. 538 00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:50,957 (yells in pain) 539 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:56,062 Hey, I don't want to draw focus from the wedding, so... 540 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,030 don't tell anyone about Chicago. 541 00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:00,867 It's a major city with a bunch of sports teams 542 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,168 and some pretty good pizza. 543 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,036 I think people know about Chicago. 544 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,840 What time do you leave on Monday? 545 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:09,041 Early. 546 00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:11,678 Gonna have to head back to the city Sunday night. 547 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,079 How are you going to get back? 548 00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:16,148 Guess I'll take the train. 549 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:28,595 * Remember walking a mile to your house * 550 00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:31,230 * A glow in the dark 551 00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:36,603 * I made a fumbling play for your heart * 552 00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:39,105 * And the act struck a spark 553 00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:43,242 * You wore a charm on the chain * 554 00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:46,746 * That I stole especial for you * 555 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:52,552 * Love's such a delicate thing that we do * 556 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:55,121 * With nothing to prove 557 00:20:56,823 --> 00:21:01,260 * Which I never knew. 558 00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:04,297 Hi. One ticket to Farhampton, please.