1 00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,038 NARRATOR: Kids, by the spring of 2013, 2 00:00:04,072 --> 00:00:05,739 Lily and Marshall had life figured out; 3 00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,643 Lily was making a name as the art consultant for The Captain, 4 00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:12,380 Marshall was a superstar environmental lawyer 5 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:15,649 and home life was a well-oiled machine. 6 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,684 And then... 7 00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:18,652 something changed. 8 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,589 (knocking) Captain, you wanted to see me? 9 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,891 Captain? Hello? 10 00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:26,026 Permission to come aboard? 11 00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,928 Granted. 12 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:31,232 Lily, small order of business: I'm moving to Rome 13 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,067 and I'd like you to come with me. 14 00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:34,102 Carry on. 15 00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,204 What?! That-That-That's amazing, 16 00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:39,607 but I-I don't know if I can just uproot my life. 17 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,609 It's only for a year. Carry on. 18 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,111 But I'm married and we have a baby 19 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,879 and they just opened a Shake Shack on our block 20 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,281 and there's never a line! 21 00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,582 I understand it's a big decision. 22 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,050 Take all the time you need. 23 00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:52,420 Just let me know by the end of the day. 24 00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:55,389 Also, I need your advice on purchasing some luggage. 25 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,125 What kind? Carry on. 26 00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,940 Well, this has been fun. I should go. 27 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,775 But you literally just got here. 28 00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:16,110 I didn't "literally" just get here. 29 00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:17,778 I hate when people misuse that word. 30 00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,548 So do I. But you literally just got here. 31 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:23,117 Hey, Ted. 32 00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:25,052 Well, this has been fun. I should go. 33 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,255 Okay, fine, now I'm leaving. 34 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,323 Why do people go to a bar, anyway? 35 00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:32,059 To get your drink on and some girl's pants off. 36 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,694 I can do both at home. 37 00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:37,165 What are you looking at? 38 00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,466 The girl in the big coat? 39 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:39,833 We were in the same yoga class together. 40 00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:43,337 You know how sometimes you'll meet a girl and there'll be 41 00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:45,473 that one bewitching little detail that'll make you 42 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,641 fall in love with her instantly? 43 00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,677 You know, a little freckle on the nose, 44 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:50,944 the-the lilt of her laugh, 45 00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:53,181 the way she pronounces a certain word or phrase? 46 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:54,948 Sure, totally. 47 00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,450 Well, in this girl's case, 48 00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:59,620 the bewitching little detail is the fact 49 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:02,790 that she has just a "redonkulous" body. 50 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,124 Redonkulous? 51 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:05,193 Redonkulous! 52 00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:07,795 I've only heard you use "redonkulous" to describe 53 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,663 Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. 54 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,165 Barney, this girl has 55 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:16,170 the Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol of bodies. 56 00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:18,038 Whoa. 57 00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:20,140 Just wait till she takes that coat off. 58 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:23,143 Oh, wait, sorry, you were just about to leave, right? 59 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,446 I mean, I've already paid for this drink. 60 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:29,650 Guys, The Captain just made me a very interesting offer. 61 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,152 Finally, we get around to the real reason he hired you. 62 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:34,622 Just promise you film it, and please use a tripod. 63 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,789 There's nothing artistic about shaky-cam. 64 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,391 It just looks sloppy. 65 00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:39,960 He wants me to move to Rome for a year 66 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,329 to buy art for him. 67 00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,530 Whoa! Seriously? 68 00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,398 Is that something you want to do? Are you kidding? 69 00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,166 I've always wanted to live abroad! 70 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,803 My summer in Paris, back in college, was so enlightening: 71 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:53,140 the art, the history, the free cheese 72 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,742 just for wearing a low-cut top. 73 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,810 Well, how does Marshall feel about moving? 74 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,379 I haven't told him yet. 75 00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:00,147 He really loves his job here. 76 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,915 Yeah, but he also loves Italy! 77 00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,151 He took a week of Italian in college, 78 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,320 and the only reason he dropped it was 79 00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:08,989 'cause he had a conflict... with being not stoned. 80 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,059 But he still knows how to say the phrase, 81 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:14,928 "Come on, bro, don't Bogart all the Funyuns." 82 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,598 All right, I'm gonna call him. 83 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,734 Hey, baby. 84 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:22,370 Hey, baby, I can't talk right now. 85 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,037 I'm working on a big case. Bye. 86 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:25,539 NARRATOR: And that's when Lily realized 87 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,775 what moving to Rome would really mean. 88 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,977 * 89 00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:51,299 (baby crying) 90 00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:56,970 And before you know it... 91 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,572 ...his life turns into an angsty, 92 00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,608 existential black-and-white Italian movie. 93 00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,075 Exactly. 94 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:18,359 I used to be a lawyer. 95 00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:23,997 I don't know anymore. 96 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:39,813 NARRATOR: I'm sorry. I got to hit pause for a second. 97 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,849 Why is it so hot in here? 98 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,951 Oh, right. While you were blabbering on and on 99 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,453 about your whole life crisis or whatever, 100 00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:48,088 I slipped Carl a hundred to turn the heat up in here. 101 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,122 What? Why? 102 00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:52,560 Because she is still in the big puffy coat! 103 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,028 Barney, what are you doing? 104 00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,464 I'm trying her out of that coat, 105 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,465 that's what I'm doing! 106 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,666 I'm fighting hotness with hotness! 107 00:04:58,699 --> 00:04:59,767 You're engaged. 108 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,503 Okay, Lily, clearly you're forgetting something. 109 00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:05,806 Yes, I'm engaged to the coolest girl on Earth. 110 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,641 This is about looking, not touching. 111 00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:10,611 Robin understands there is one set of balls she can't tie up 112 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,547 with a necktie and lightly hit with a Ping-Pong paddle. 113 00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:14,948 These balls. 114 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,484 Okay, I'm gonna call The Captain, 115 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:18,686 get this over with. 116 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:22,222 (phone rings) Ahoy. 117 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,023 Hello, Captain? 118 00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,292 Lily, I hope you're not calling 119 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,194 to harpoon our big move to Rome. 120 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:31,198 Thank you, but I can't ask my husband to abandon his career. 121 00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:33,133 Would you like me to try and convince him? 122 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,702 I'm very persuasive. 123 00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,804 I'm sorry, the ship has sailed. 124 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,472 What's that mean? 125 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:41,575 Well, you know, "The ship has sailed"? 126 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,644 That it's over and there's nothing you can do? 127 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,813 What a peculiar expression. Hmm. 128 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:48,148 Well, thanks for all your hard work, Lily. 129 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,683 I've never been good at good-byes, so... 130 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,553 Well, that's that. 131 00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,222 My dream job as an art consultant is over. 132 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,490 And the sad part... 133 00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,258 Okay, I gotta stop you right there, Lily, 134 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,462 'cause unless I'm mistaken, lock and load gentlemen. 135 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:06,867 A scarf?! No, don't put on, take off! 136 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,836 Okay, you're starting to drool. 137 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,370 I'm calling creepy. 138 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,371 Lily, it's fine. 139 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,773 This is purely academic. 140 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,576 It's-It's like bird-watching. 141 00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:18,646 And right now, I am watching a double-breasted-- Robin! 142 00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:23,417 Wait-- they know each other?! 143 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,852 Whoa, wait-- what is going on here? 144 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,787 Oh, my God, it's happening. 145 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,088 This is just like I imagined. 146 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:31,091 Right in front of Ted, so I can rub it in his face. 147 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,292 The belt is mine! 148 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:35,463 Hi, guys. Barney, you remember Liddy. 149 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,230 I do? 150 00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:39,467 Yes! Libby. 151 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,301 Liddy. We met when Robin hired me. 152 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,302 Robin hired you? 153 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:43,771 Naughty girl. Okay. 154 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,773 Okay, so how's this gonna go down? 155 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:48,141 You two just gonna start, and I'll just jump in? 156 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:51,879 Uh, she's our wedding planner. 157 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,615 Of course she's the wedding planner! 158 00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,484 Good to see you again, Libby. 159 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,051 Liddy. Yeah. 160 00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:01,589 Hey, I'm Ted. We, uh, we met once before. 161 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,757 Oh, right, in yoga class. How are you? 162 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,359 She's talking to me. 163 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:08,929 Well, I would love to stay, 164 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,397 but now that I'm unemployed, 165 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,833 I think I'll go surprise Marshall at work. 166 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,836 (sighs) Wedding planner. 167 00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:20,007 NARRATOR: So Lily went to visit Marshall at work, 168 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,742 hoping she wasn't interrupting anything important. 169 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,644 She wasn't. 170 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:27,615 Whoa. What is going on? 171 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:30,017 Bernard, if we just glue the cards together... 172 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,620 Lily! What are you doing here? 173 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:33,821 Well, I baked you brownies 174 00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,089 because I thought you were busy working, but... 175 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,825 so when you said... 176 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,426 Lily, hey, I can't really talk. 177 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,461 I'm working on a big project right now. 178 00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:42,863 It's a real house of cards. 179 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,699 Is this the "house of cards" you were talking about? 180 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,302 I thought you had some big client. 181 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:52,806 Oh, sweetheart, we haven't had a client here in months. 182 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,709 Mmm! Brownies! Hey! 183 00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:03,651 What is going on? What do you mean 184 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:04,785 you haven't had a client in months? 185 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,520 Ever since the Gruber case, 186 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,321 we lost a lot of business, 187 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:11,559 people got laid off... it's just me and Bernard now. 188 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:12,626 Where's Cootes? 189 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,995 He's holed up in a bomb shelter in Colorado, 190 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,831 waiting for the apocalypse and tending to his herb garden. 191 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:21,034 So all those times I've called you in the past few months, 192 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:24,137 when you talked about how busy you were... 193 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,739 you were just lying to me? 194 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,108 Technically, I never lied... 195 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:30,911 Hey, baby. 196 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,479 Hey, baby, I can't talk right now. 197 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,015 I'm working on a big case. Bye. 198 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,854 That is a big case. 199 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:42,823 Bad time, Lily. 200 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,224 I got to focus on the client. 201 00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:45,258 Gotta go. Bye. 202 00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:47,828 Where were we? 203 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,196 Chapter 19. 204 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:52,600 I can't talk right now; I got a lot on my plate. 205 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,902 Well, let's dig in. 206 00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:57,104 If we start now, we can be done by lunch. 207 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,107 Now's not a good time, Lil. 208 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:03,543 We got a lot of balls in the air right now. 209 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:06,146 Okay, toss me the stapler. 210 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:09,216 Unbelievable. 211 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:12,686 Wait-- when you said you were about to get reamed... 212 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,855 Oh, right. That. 213 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,123 No, sometimes, for fun, 214 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,225 We throw reams of paper at each other. 215 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:21,294 Bernard! Not a good time! 216 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:23,864 Read the room! 217 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,966 I'm sorry, baby, I... 218 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,201 I didn't want you to see me fail. 219 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:32,039 Damn it! Do you realize what you cost us by lying to me? 220 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,707 The Captain is moving to Rome, 221 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:36,777 and he offered to bring me along as his art consultant, 222 00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:39,379 but I turned it down, because I thought you loved your job. 223 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,281 Oh, my gosh. 224 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,983 If we lived in Italy, 225 00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,318 I could just spend my days taking care of Marvin 226 00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:49,389 and trying to make pasta and watching Italian Price Is Right. 227 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,924 It sounds like a dream! 228 00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:51,892 Oh, it's too late. 229 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,393 No, no. Lily, I'm going 230 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,795 to The Captain's right now! 231 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,396 I'm gonna make this right! 232 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,297 I'm gonna get you that job! 233 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,633 No, Marshall... You're getting that job! 234 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:02,069 You can just make it out to Liddy Gates. 235 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,971 That's L-I-D-D-Y. 236 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,739 L-I, two D's... 237 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:06,907 double D... 238 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,509 two D's... -Y. 239 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,012 Well, here is the final menu, as we discussed, 240 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,313 but let me be clear. 241 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,982 You're the boss; I'm here to serve you. 242 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,950 So if there's anything you want me to remove, 243 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,919 just tell me to remove it and it's gone. 244 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,754 I'll remove anything you want. 245 00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,089 That sounds like a sound policy. Up to you, whatever you feel like. 246 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,323 That's a good... That's a good thing to know. 247 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,158 That's fine, you can remove whatever you want. 248 00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,627 I'm serious, and I won't be offended; you want it gone, 249 00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,997 I'll take it right off. Is it hot in here? 250 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,598 It's not cold. You know what? 251 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,333 It's hot; it's sticky. It's not... It's like 252 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,002 Bikram, right? 253 00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:36,369 We're yoga buddies. 254 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,139 * Yoga buddies. 255 00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:42,710 Well, I'll let you guys read the menu. 256 00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:44,812 Can you point me to the... GUYS: Coat rack? 257 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:45,979 ...restroom? 258 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,881 Uh, it's right over there. 259 00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:50,017 But it's hard to pee in a giant coat. 260 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,552 Okay, what's going on? 261 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,054 Why are you guys being so weird? 262 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:58,058 Ted says that Liddy has a ridonkulous body, 263 00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,560 but there's no way of verifying because she won't take off the coat! 264 00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,295 Is that why it's so hot in here? 265 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,564 Did you pay Carl to turn up the heat again? 266 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,666 Well, yes. 267 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,869 But I was curious. 268 00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,637 I want to get that coat on the rack 269 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,472 so I can see the rack that's under the coat. 270 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,606 My God. 271 00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,744 I have been wondering 272 00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:18,478 the same thing. 273 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,313 I mean, she never takes that coat off. 274 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:21,681 Whatever she's smuggling under there 275 00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,150 has to be thermonuclear. 276 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,786 I bet she has WBDs. 277 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,055 Weapons of bra destruction. 278 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:29,823 Thank you. 279 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,258 This, this is why 280 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,426 you're the coolest fiancée ever. 281 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,428 (both moan, laugh) 282 00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:39,599 So, Ted, when you say ridonkulous... 283 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,334 I can't even describe it. 284 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,938 It'd be like trying to explain a rainbow to a blind person. 285 00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:46,573 Is she single? 286 00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:47,875 Why don't you ask her out? 287 00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:50,677 Actually, I almost did the first time we met, 288 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:54,081 before she took off that coat. 289 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:55,282 Sandstorm? 290 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,584 Dubai? That hoodie? 291 00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,186 I mean, it's ridonkulous. 292 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,288 Oh, I know. I so want to see it again. 293 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,790 Well, hey, I mean, maybe after this, 294 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:03,957 if you're not doing anything. 295 00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:05,358 Totally, and maybe later, 296 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:06,626 we could get a bite to eat. 297 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,929 There's this great place that's super close. 298 00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:11,965 No, I... 299 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,266 No, I... No. 300 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:14,868 It was just too much. 301 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,971 Indiana Jones wouldn't look at this body. 302 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:21,541 This is a body that would melt a Nazi's face. 303 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,812 Oh, man, I want my face to melt. 304 00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:27,480 (sighs) It's too bad Marshall isn't here. 305 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:28,916 Why Marshall? 306 00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,217 'Cause he could just say... 307 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,284 Hey, Liddy, 308 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,120 why don't you take off that coat? 309 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,254 BARNEY: And Liddy would be all... 310 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,755 Sure, should I take my shirt off, too? 311 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,024 No, the coat's probably enough. 312 00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:39,259 And he'd get away with it. 313 00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:40,961 You know why? No stink. 314 00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:43,997 You obviously haven't split a cab with him after basketball. 315 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:45,899 No, I don't mean 316 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:46,967 "physical stink." 317 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,235 I mean the pheromonal stink 318 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,637 a guy gives off when he's desperate for action 319 00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:51,972 to a pathetic degree. 320 00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,573 You know, like Ted. 321 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,741 I have stink? 322 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,676 Bro, you dipped in stink. 323 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:58,478 If Liddy came back to the table and you said... 324 00:12:58,511 --> 00:12:59,646 Uh, Liddy, 325 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:01,781 why don't you, uh, take off that coat? 326 00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:02,983 You want me to take my coat off? 327 00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:04,517 How about instead, I take off your face? 328 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:05,752 Ow! 329 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:06,954 Ow, oh! 330 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,021 TED: Really? 331 00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:09,756 You had to have her beat me up? 332 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,091 She's not done, Ted. 333 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,692 Ghost Protocol 334 00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:15,095 wasn't that good! 335 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,296 (screams) 336 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:17,797 Marshall, on the other hand, 337 00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,033 girls take one look and just know 338 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,936 there's a guy who's met the girl of his dreams 339 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,872 and wants to spend the rest of his life 340 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,439 with her and only her. 341 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,108 So why don't you ask her? 342 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,209 Pardon me? 343 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,143 Aren't you 344 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:31,644 a guy who's met 345 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,480 the girl of his dreams and wants to spend 346 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:36,116 the rest of his life with her and only her? 347 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,886 Of course, baby. 348 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:41,354 So why don't you ask her to take her coat off? 349 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,026 Um... 350 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,563 And you never even saw Ghost Protocol. 351 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,400 So, the big day's coming up. 352 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,468 How are you guys feeling? 353 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,836 I talked to the caterer, 354 00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,838 and the mini lamb shanks are gonna be amazing. 355 00:13:58,872 --> 00:13:59,907 Oh, by the way, 356 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,741 I talked to the florist, and the violets 357 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,510 are gonna be gorgeous. BARNEY: Okay, Barney. You can do this. 358 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,045 Just say it. Say it. 359 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,479 ...little ones and big ones... 360 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,814 Say it. 361 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,850 Hey, Liddy, do you want to take off your coat? 362 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,657 Sure. (whimpers) 363 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,193 I did it! I proved to myself and everyone else 364 00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:22,562 that I have no desire to be with any other woman. 365 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,898 I am completely immune to every other... 366 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,269 Holy crap! 367 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:32,339 (both panting) 368 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,440 And it was, indeed, 369 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:34,674 ridonkulous. 370 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:37,377 And we got to see it, all thanks 371 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,745 to this lovely lady right here. 372 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:41,881 Robin, thanks to you, I can now walk up to any girl 373 00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:44,251 and say whatever creepy, disgusting thing I want 374 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,618 and totally get away with it. 375 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:46,619 Mm. Man! 376 00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:48,956 I think I'm gonna like being married. 377 00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,790 (phone rings) 378 00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:51,724 Hello? 379 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:53,961 Ahoy. 380 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,428 Ahoy, Lily. 381 00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:57,297 I just had a long talk with your husband. 382 00:14:57,330 --> 00:15:00,100 He convinced me to offer you that job in Rome again. 383 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,734 How do you respond? 384 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:06,339 Thanks, but the answer is still no. 385 00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,315 Lily, why the hell did you turn that down again? 386 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:18,085 Because I'd have to get a new passport photo, 387 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,121 and I'd miss out on New York in August, 388 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:24,124 and plus they opened a Shake Shack on our block so... 389 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,126 Lily, what's the real reason? 390 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,928 What if we move to Rome... 391 00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:37,170 (laughter) 392 00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:39,106 What's so funny? 393 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,307 I'm sorry. 394 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,409 I can't believe you paid ten million euros 395 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,777 for this painting. Why not? 396 00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,246 Because it's not even a painting. 397 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,982 I spilled my plate of scungilli on the blank canvas. 398 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:51,118 Smell it, it's like a toilet. 399 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:54,121 I just make you look, uh, 400 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,522 stupido! 401 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:56,856 Lily, you're fired. 402 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:57,991 What? But no! 403 00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,592 It's still a great painting. 404 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,662 And I like what it says about structure and society 405 00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:04,331 and the changing roles of women. 406 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,299 Cheech, la porta! 407 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:18,345 I used to be an art consultant. 408 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:22,682 (horn beeps) 409 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,520 Hey, baby. 410 00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:29,256 It's time for Marvin's bottle. 411 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,192 And all because I screwed up 412 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,127 and threw away a perfectly comfortable life 413 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,295 here in New York. 414 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,130 Lily, you're not gonna screw up. 415 00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:38,298 You know what, just please, 416 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,532 just leave it alone. 417 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:40,667 Besides, 418 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,001 deep down, I don't think 419 00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:44,171 Marshall's even excited about Italy. 420 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,684 (phone chirps) 421 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,258 Marron! 422 00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:07,160 I can't wait for my wedding day. 423 00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,162 I mean, there is no way 424 00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:12,031 that Liddy is gonna be wearing that coat, right? 425 00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,100 Right? 426 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,102 "Barney Stinson, do you hope 427 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,170 she wears something slinky and backless?" 428 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,306 "I do." 429 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,743 Okay, can I just say something as your best man? 430 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:25,878 Be careful. 431 00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:27,114 What do you mean? 432 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,015 You just... you haven't been acting like a guy 433 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,284 who's about to get married, and I know you think it's okay 434 00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,220 because Robin's so cool, but I'm telling you, 435 00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,788 she's not as cool as you think she is. 436 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:38,425 Oh, I see. 437 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:40,527 And you'd know this 438 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,729 because you know Robin better than I do. 439 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:46,099 You know what she appreciates better than her own fiancé. 440 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:47,200 I'm just saying, 441 00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:48,735 if I was getting married in three weeks... 442 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,370 But you're not getting married in three weeks, Ted. 443 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,604 I am. 444 00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,740 Robin's marrying me, not you. 445 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,477 You're right. 446 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:58,978 Not my place. 447 00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:01,013 Why don't I get the next round? 448 00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:10,290 So... how many times are you gonna say no to your dream job? 449 00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,225 I'm just trying to plan my day. 450 00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:14,461 I'm a scaredy-cat, okay? 451 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:15,895 I want to be the type 452 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,897 of person that just charges fearlessly 453 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,566 into the unknown, 454 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,801 but I came back two weeks early from Paris 455 00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,303 because I was lonely. 456 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,471 I went to San Francisco, 457 00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:28,375 and I was never more depressed in my life. 458 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,578 I'm small town, Marshall. 459 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,647 I'm a hick from Brooklyn who's terrified of living 460 00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:38,285 more than ten subway stops from where I was born. 461 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:41,421 Okay, Lily, if I can move from St. Cloud, Minnesota, 462 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,989 to New York City, 463 00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:45,024 then you can move to Rome. 464 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,794 We know nothing about Italy. 465 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:48,995 We have no friends there. 466 00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:50,530 We don't speak the language. 467 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,437 Okay, so you know that one sentence. 468 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,738 Can you say anything else? 469 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,779 That-that was the same sentence. 470 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,981 You just changed the inflection. 471 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,324 I love you, too. 472 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,593 All right. 473 00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:54,827 We're going to Italy. 474 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,529 Si! 475 00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,566 You may not know this yet, but, um, 476 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:02,034 I've already done some shopping. 477 00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:13,946 Welcome home. 478 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:25,057 Oh... You are so cool, but not for long. 479 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,059 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org