1 00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,172 NARRATOR: Kids, sometimes when you're about to give up 2 00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:06,174 on your love life forever for the 17th time, 3 00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:07,975 destiny intervenes. 4 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,312 Instead of rushing in, I took my time 5 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,081 to think up the perfect opening line. 6 00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:15,083 (train brakes screech) 7 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,085 Wait, no, damn it, come back! You're really... 8 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,320 You're pretty! 9 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,521 And before I could call out after her, 10 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,090 in any kind of embarrassing way 11 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,058 that a bunch of teenagers made fun of for the next five stops 12 00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:25,926 while I stared straight ahead and pretended not to hear them, 13 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,228 she was gone. 14 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:30,431 But here's the thing about Ted Mosby: 15 00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:31,865 he doesn't give up. 16 00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:33,434 (imitates blaring alarm) Stalker Ted alert. 17 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:34,935 Repeat, Stalker Ted alert. 18 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,105 Already has a yellow legal pad going. 19 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:39,107 Repeat, already has a yellow legal pad going. 20 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,574 I'm not stalking. 21 00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,210 I just jotted down a few details 22 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:43,377 to help me find her. 23 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,778 Uh, like the fact 24 00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:46,680 that her smile was cute, 25 00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:47,915 but a bit crooked, 26 00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,517 which can be a sign of teeth grinding. 27 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,219 So I called up the city's 28 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,553 top five TMJ specialists, 29 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:55,055 and here's where it gets interesting. 30 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,424 Not interesting, Ted, creepy. 31 00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:57,425 Let her go. 32 00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:58,592 No, this is destiny. 33 00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:01,061 No, Ted, this is forcing it. 34 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:04,432 When Lily and I met, I mean, that was destiny. 35 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,134 MARSHALL: She could've knocked on any door 36 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,601 to find someone to fix her stereo, 37 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:08,902 but she knocked on mine. 38 00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,175 Now hand over the pad. 39 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,179 Ted... 40 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,981 And the backup pad. 41 00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,983 NARRATOR: They were right. 42 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,818 You can't force destiny. 43 00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:26,254 If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. 44 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:27,955 (fire alarm ringing) 45 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,557 And funny story, kids... 46 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,058 Oh, my God. 47 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,426 It's you. 48 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,495 ...it happened. 49 00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:50,778 Subway Girl's name is Jeanette, 50 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:53,113 and she does grind her teeth. 51 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,249 I assume that started the moment she met you? 52 00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:56,250 (laughing) 53 00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:57,618 Uh, well, the fact is 54 00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:00,288 she wanted to find me. 55 00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:01,589 The first thing I did 56 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,090 was list out all the details 57 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,325 I remembered about you. 58 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,260 Is... is that a yellow legal pad? 59 00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,261 Yeah. 60 00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:08,762 I've even got a backup. 61 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,130 Oh, my God. 62 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,765 You had a tweed blazer 63 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,133 and chalk all over your hands, 64 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,802 so I figured you were either a professor 65 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,370 or a British gymnast. 66 00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:19,173 (bad British accent): I'm bloody good on the pommel 'orse. 67 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:23,043 Regrettin' this accent. 68 00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,978 Can't seem to stop. 69 00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:26,480 So then I asked the lady at the student center 70 00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:27,948 where I could find the youngest, 71 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,483 cutest professor on staff. 72 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,551 And...? 73 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:31,952 She sent me to a physics class. 74 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,954 Professor Leyborne? 75 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,123 I wonder if she'd think Dr. Goodhair was so cute 76 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,792 if she knew he hasn't been published in over a year? 77 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,060 Then she sent me here, 78 00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:41,195 but the security guard wouldn't let me in 79 00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:42,630 without an ID. 80 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,997 I was about to give up 81 00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,699 when the fire alarm just sent you out. 82 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,235 It was like... 83 00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:48,469 Destiny. 84 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,003 Right? Right? 85 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,138 It's a meet-cute. 86 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,240 It's a stalk-crazy. 87 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:53,241 Look... 88 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,575 there's a fine line 89 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:57,077 between love and insanity. 90 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,011 It's... 91 00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,147 the Dobler-Dahmer theory. 92 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,849 Oh, no... (moans) 93 00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,251 Damn, I always forget the little one. TED: All right. 94 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:05,386 If both people are into each other, 95 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,555 a big romantic gesture works. 96 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:10,157 Like Lloyd Dobler holding up the boom box 97 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,393 outside Diane Court's window in Say Anything. 98 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:13,661 But if one person 99 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,928 isn't into the other, 100 00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:17,265 the same gesture comes off serial-killer crazy, 101 00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:18,932 or Dahmer. 102 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,501 Now, Marshall, the story of 103 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,870 how you asked out Lily is super sweet. 104 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,073 * Lily, how you thrill me 105 00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:27,908 * But it may just even kill me 106 00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:29,943 * If you do not say "I will-y" 107 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,545 * To this question 108 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:37,318 * Will you go out with me? 109 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,421 I will-y. 110 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:41,889 Dobler. 111 00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,757 But if Lily wasn't into you? 112 00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:46,059 * Lily, how you thrill me 113 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,128 * But it might just even kill me * 114 00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:50,130 * If you do not say "I will-y" 115 00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,965 * To this question 116 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,304 * Will you go out with me? 117 00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:57,305 (spraying) 118 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:58,872 (screaming) 119 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,107 Dahmer. 120 00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:01,975 Whether a gesture's charming or alarming 121 00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:03,944 depends on how it's received. 122 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,780 And I was charmed by Jeanette finding me, 123 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,716 hence... she's a Dobler. 124 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,984 Don't you think it's a little convenient 125 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:14,087 how that fire alarm happened to randomly go off? 126 00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,456 What are you saying? 127 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:17,257 Ted, does she have enormous cans? 128 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,992 No. Then what we're saying is 129 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,794 she's a crazy stalker bitch who pulled that fire alarm 130 00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:21,995 and you should run screaming. 131 00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,130 ROBIN: You know what? 132 00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:24,131 I-I don't think 133 00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,433 that we should be so cavalier 134 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,100 with the word "stalker." 135 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:29,069 Why does that word bother you so much? 136 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,270 Doesn't bother me. 137 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:32,873 Wait... do you have a stalker? 138 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,676 I don't want to talk about this. 139 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:36,744 BARNEY: What do you mean? 140 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,111 As your fiancé, if you have 141 00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:40,080 some psycho stalker out there, I should know. 142 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,148 It was me. 143 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,650 I was a stalker. 144 00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,318 It was back in Canada. 145 00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:45,953 I liked a guy 146 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:48,689 and he didn't like me, and... 147 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,090 well, I got a little obsessed. 148 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:53,126 I'd fill up my journals all about him, 149 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,028 and eventually there may have been 150 00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:58,131 a teensy-weensy 50-meter restraining order. 151 00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,200 50 meters? (sighs) 152 00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,435 That's like... 153 00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,203 four years. 154 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,172 Wow. 155 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,174 You must have been a total nutbag. 156 00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:08,175 I wasn't. 157 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,176 Ted is right, 158 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:10,444 there is a fine line. 159 00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,312 Anyone can cross it and get obsessed. 160 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,382 Yeah, if you're a total nutbag. 161 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:15,949 (sighs) 162 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,185 Now, uh... who's the guy? 163 00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,520 I'm not telling you until you admit 164 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:20,888 that this can happen to anybody. 165 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:21,989 I'm not admitting that. 166 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:22,990 Fine. Forget it. I'm not telling you. 167 00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,191 Fine. Forgotten. 168 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:36,136 ROBIN: "You are so beautiful. 169 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,538 "Why can't you see me? 170 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:40,007 "Someday, I'll make you see me 171 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,975 "and we'll be together. 172 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,243 "P.S. I love you. 173 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,514 "P.S. I love you. P.S. I love you. 174 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,315 "P.S. I love you. 175 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,983 "P.S. I love you. P.S. I love you. 176 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:53,053 (echoes): P.S. I love you, you, you." 177 00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,022 BARNEY: This is "ridikilus." 178 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,157 Who cares who she was obsessed with? 179 00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,227 What, am I gonna go to Canada and track this guy down? 180 00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,863 NARRATOR: Thankfully, 181 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,498 unlike Uncle Barney, I wasn't the kind of guy 182 00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,066 to fixate on one little detail. 183 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,001 That fire alarm-- did you pull it? 184 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,169 Ugh... 185 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,604 This is embarrassing. 186 00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:13,373 I wasn't gonna tell you this, but... 187 00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:14,908 I'd come so far, 188 00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:17,377 only to be sent packing by that security guard, 189 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,079 and... well... 190 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,147 (fire alarm ringing) 191 00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:23,551 I'm sorry. 192 00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,118 I just couldn't stand the idea 193 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,587 of not meeting you. 194 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,422 TED: Could not 195 00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:31,091 stand the idea 196 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,926 of not meeting me. 197 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,227 Was it a little 198 00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,497 over the top to pull that fire alarm? Perhaps. 199 00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:38,466 But it charmed me. 200 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,400 Hence... Dobler. 201 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,103 Aha! You see? 202 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,805 People don't put fire alarms 203 00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:47,240 out in front lobbies for just anyone to prank pull. 204 00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,809 They put smoke detectors 205 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,077 up on the ceiling. 206 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,945 Hold on. 207 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,981 I'm beginning to think that you guys didn't come here 208 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,716 to see my new lectern. 209 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,218 Are you implying Jeanette started a fire? 210 00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,286 Dahmer. 211 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,054 Dobler. 212 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,322 She's John Cusack, 213 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:03,924 I'm Ione Skye, 214 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,959 and there is nothing weird about that. 215 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,465 Gordie Bellavoh. 216 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,266 Thanks again for the free donuts, eh? 217 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,936 So, you up here visiting family? 218 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,971 No. I'm not Canadian. 219 00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:20,107 Not even a quarter Canadian on my father's side. 220 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,108 Shut up. 221 00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:23,477 We're not talking "aboot" me-- 222 00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:26,313 about me. Whoa. 223 00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:27,848 How long did you and Robin date? 224 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,850 Well, it wasn't really dating. 225 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,119 We'd take a sixer of Labatts behind the hydro plant 226 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:35,122 and she'd let me go under her parka over turtleneck. 227 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,024 (laughs) Summer love. 228 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,860 Was Robin obsessed with you? 229 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:40,861 No. 230 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,095 (laughing): No. 231 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,030 Robin was way more into this guy named... 232 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,098 Turk Grimsby. 233 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,801 I hear Robin was obsessed with you? 234 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,469 No. We only went out a few times, 235 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,470 barely knew each other. 236 00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:51,939 All we talked about 237 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,473 was her relationship with her mother, 238 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,042 the gnawing feelings of inadequacy, 239 00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,678 all the horrible secrets on that side of the family. 240 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,547 But heck, you're her fiancé. 241 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,981 You know all that, right? 242 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,650 Yeah. 243 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:03,851 Robin was 244 00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:05,853 way more into this other guy. 245 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,856 Can't seem to remember his name. 246 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,057 Though sometimes a powdered jelly 247 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,391 can help get the old noodle going. 248 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,162 Ah... 249 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,730 His name's... 250 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,331 Simon Tremblay. 251 00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:19,800 I should have known. 252 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:20,834 Eh. 253 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,002 Thanks for the free donuts. 254 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,236 They're just donuts! 255 00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,372 Okay? They're like two for a loonie-- dollar. 256 00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:26,674 What's happening? 257 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:29,509 Oh, somebody moosed down all the jellies. 258 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:32,045 Have you been hanging out with Turk Grimsby? 259 00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,148 So how serious were you and Robin? 260 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:38,085 Well, serious enough to pop the question. 261 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:38,986 Wow. Really? 262 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,220 Yeah, sure. 263 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,922 Got down on one goalie pad, 264 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,390 I said, "Robin, 265 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:46,259 could we keep dating but I get to stick it to other babes?" 266 00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:47,695 Turned me down. 267 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,496 I'm so sorry. 268 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,598 Oh, that's okay. 269 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,666 I really wanted to stick it to Louise Marsh. 270 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:53,767 (laughs) 271 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,903 Still, as the years pass, 272 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:58,338 and you take stock of your life, 273 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,474 part of me wishes I could've kept sticking it to Robin, too. 274 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,078 So are you the one that Robin stalked? 275 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:08,048 Oh, that story goes back to the 1996 Grey Cup. 276 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,283 What in God's name is that? 277 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:11,952 Only Canada's Super Bowl. 278 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,086 Didn't you ever see 279 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,387 Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes 280 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,623 on MuchMusic? 281 00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,024 Again, I have to go with: 282 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,559 what in God's name is that? 283 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:22,095 It's only Canada's VH1 Behind the Music. 284 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,131 There's one all about Robin Sparkles. 285 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:27,067 Tells you the whole story from "A" to zed. 286 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,907 Are you gonna take your...? 287 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,047 NARRATOR: Kids, relationships are built on trust. 288 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,448 So unlike Uncle Barney, 289 00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,116 I wasn't gonna keep digging and digging... 290 00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:44,317 Did you start a fire? 291 00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:46,954 Ugh... 292 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,056 This is embarrassing. 293 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,825 I wasn't gonna tell you this, but... 294 00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:53,260 I'd come so far, 295 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,963 only to be sent packing by that security guard, 296 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,030 and... well... 297 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:00,768 I'm sorry. 298 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,169 I just couldn't stand the idea 299 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,337 of not meeting you. 300 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,839 TED: Could not 301 00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:07,941 stand the idea 302 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:10,277 of not meeting me. 303 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,478 She set a fire, Ted! 304 00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:12,846 Dahmer. 305 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,014 You're just jealous 'cause Lily 306 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,015 never burned anything for you. 307 00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,917 Clearly you never tried her pot roast. 308 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,085 (rimshot) 309 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:18,986 I actually brought this 310 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,353 for something totally different, 311 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:21,488 but it worked out, right? 312 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:22,656 Okay, anyway, 313 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:23,691 here's my thing. 314 00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,092 (drumroll) Ladies and gentlemen, 315 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,194 I have in my back pocket 316 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:28,996 the answer to the question 317 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,699 "Who was Robin obsessed with?" 318 00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,667 Hang on tight. 319 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:36,369 It's Robin Sparkles 4, y'all! 320 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:39,039 (all cheering) 321 00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,879 (shushes) 322 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,915 (rock music plays) 323 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,051 ANNOUNCER: With her jelly bracelets, graffiti coat, 324 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,053 and totally rad robot, no one 325 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:57,024 symbolized the 1990s in Canada like Robin Sparkles. 326 00:10:57,057 --> 00:11:00,027 But as we'd all learn one heartbreaking Grey Cup Sunday, 327 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,730 Canada's sweetheart had a dark side. 328 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,464 I'll never forget that moment. 329 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,067 A little piece of Canada died that day. 330 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,568 To see her throw her life away like that... 331 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,039 ...it was heartbreaking. 332 00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,007 I am so happy right now. 333 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:17,077 I want to see her throw her life away so badly. LILY: Yeah. 334 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,679 We're all terrible people-- turn it up. 335 00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,949 ANNOUNCER: Sparkles' hit records... 336 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:27,687 ...both went maple with "Mall" eventually going double maple. 337 00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:30,557 I never admitted this till now, but before a big game, 338 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,760 I'd listen to "Sand Castles in the Sand" 339 00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,494 and get a good cry on. 340 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,363 I'm not ashamed. 341 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:40,100 ANNOUNCER: But after endless touring, Robin started to crack. 342 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,169 Who doesn't love the mall? 343 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:45,672 Shopping with your friends and... 344 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,441 (sighs) I can't do this. 345 00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,012 Get this out of my face, please. 346 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,747 Thank you, pardon me, thanks, sorry. 347 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:57,584 Even when Canadians are mean, they're polite. 348 00:11:57,617 --> 00:12:00,253 Her record producer Chuck "Chuck" Gerusi. 349 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,422 Robin Sparkles was big. 350 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:05,258 Gino Vannelli big, who I discovered by the way. 351 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:07,594 ANNOUNCER: Robin's next song, 352 00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:10,197 "P.S. I Love You," was so dark 353 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,965 Dominant Records refused to release it. 354 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:15,202 Few have ever seen the long-lost music video, 355 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,603 but we found it. 356 00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,571 (shushes) 357 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:21,741 * You, you're beautiful 358 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,977 * On your pedestal 359 00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:25,979 * I see you 360 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:28,148 * You don't see me 361 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,984 * Am I just too young 362 00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:33,987 * Or just too dumb 363 00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:38,225 * Or maybe just too grungy 364 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,393 * And I'm wearing my flannel and I'm thinking of you * 365 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,594 * I lace up my boots 366 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,096 * And I'm thinking of you... 367 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,564 TED: This is the most 368 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,266 1990s music video of all time. 369 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,101 All it needs is a shirtless old man 370 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:50,103 in black and white for no reason. 371 00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:51,972 (all yelling) 372 00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,173 (shushes) 373 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,442 * I'll never move on, it'll always be you * 374 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,144 * Every guy that I'm with, I'll be thinking of you * 375 00:12:57,177 --> 00:13:01,314 * If I get married, he'll always be second to you * 376 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,150 That's got to feel good. 377 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:06,954 * I'll always be waiting for you * 378 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:09,522 * P.S. I love you. 379 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:13,360 In 1996, we booked the halftime show for the Grey Cup. 380 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:14,862 Huge gig. 381 00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:17,097 We're talking Ivor Wynne Stadium in Hamilton, 382 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,100 just outside of Guelph. 383 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,970 It doesn't get any bigger than that. 384 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,804 (crowd cheering) Hello, Canada. (giggles) 385 00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:27,107 I'm Robin Sparkles. 386 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,976 Oh. (blows kiss) 387 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,979 (loud cheering) 388 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:33,446 Actually... 389 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,449 I was Robin Sparkles. 390 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,018 The whole stadium went silent. 391 00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:41,188 Right then, I knew something terrible was gonna happen. 392 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,690 My stomach started churning. 393 00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:46,659 But Robin Sparkles is dead. 394 00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:50,130 All I could hear was Paul Shaffer's stomach growling. 395 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,732 Stress goes to my stomach-- sue me. 396 00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,834 It was kind of disgusting. 397 00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:56,169 I'm sorry, Jason Priestley, 398 00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:58,505 I didn't realize you were the Queen of England. 399 00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:01,541 My new name is... 400 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,743 Robin Daggers! 401 00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:05,212 Two, three, four! 402 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:08,148 * You, you're beautiful 403 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,349 ALEX TREBEK: That day is now 404 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:14,154 known in music history as the day grunge was born. 405 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,255 In 1996, in Canada? 406 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,924 That seems right, Trebek. 407 00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,059 Give him a break, he's not a music guy. 408 00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,194 That day is now known in music history 409 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,763 as the day that grunge was born. 410 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,132 Well, that's a bummer. 411 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:27,867 It was tragic. 412 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,002 I mean, to this day, 413 00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:31,404 you ask any Canadian where they were 414 00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:34,441 when Robin Sparkles lost it, not only can they tell you 415 00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:38,545 which Tim Hortons they were in, but what donut they were eating. 416 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,281 Me? Wawa, Ontario. 417 00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,782 Blueberry fritter. 418 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,751 Halifax, Nova Scotia. 419 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,419 Walnut crunch. 420 00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:48,088 Victoriaville, Quebec. 421 00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,622 Sour cream plain. 422 00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:52,059 Sudbury, Ontario. 423 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,193 Honey dip. 424 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,028 Red Deer, Alberta. 425 00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,964 Chocolate glaze. 426 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:59,432 Squamish, British Columbia. 427 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:02,202 Crammed a Timbit into a strawberry vanilla 428 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,037 and invented The Priestley. 429 00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:06,940 Should've been the best day of my life. 430 00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:09,909 PAUL SHAFFER: It was horrifying on so many levels. 431 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:10,910 (stomach growling, sighs) 432 00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:13,246 Actually, you know what? 433 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,315 I'm sorry, I can't... 434 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,617 I just can't talk about this. 435 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,053 I'm out of here, okay? I'm out of here. 436 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,554 Here, excuse me. 437 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,555 I'm sorry, will you take... 438 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,957 No, no, don't move, I'm out... 439 00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:25,425 Sorry, sorry. 440 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,327 ANNOUNCER: Speculation began immediately. 441 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,996 Who was Robin Sparkles singing about 442 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,431 with those angry, obsessive lyrics? 443 00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:33,000 Many names were suggested. 444 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,434 It wasn't me. 445 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,435 It wasn't me. 446 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,636 Wasn't me. 447 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:37,670 It wasn't me. 448 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:38,738 It wasn't me. 449 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,340 It wasn't me. 450 00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:43,510 Why does everyone always think 451 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,012 it's me? 452 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,247 I wish it was me. 453 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,082 ANNOUNCER: But one name comes up more than any other. 454 00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:52,285 Alan Thicke. 455 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,021 How can I help you? 456 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,222 Donut? 457 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:57,590 Whoa! 458 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,626 (yells) 459 00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:07,334 Whoa. What happened to you? 460 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:11,504 We watched Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes today. 461 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,140 Wait, what? 462 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,575 You guys get MuchMusic down here? 463 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,812 And that video lead me to... 464 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:22,782 I am engaged to Robin Scherbatsky, 465 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:25,852 and I know that she wrote "P.S. I Love You" for you. 466 00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:28,221 Now-now, why is she so obsessed with you? 467 00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:30,857 What? That song's not about me. 468 00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:32,225 Then who is it "aboot"-- about. 469 00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:33,560 Damn it. 470 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,128 I don't know. 471 00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:36,496 I always thought it was Coulier. 472 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,398 It wasn't me. 473 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,067 (laughs): Stop asking. 474 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,169 Geez, cut it out. 475 00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:45,705 NARRATOR (laughs): I always liked that joke. 476 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,208 Alan Thicke kicked your ass. 477 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,643 He lied, didn't he? 478 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,812 It was Alan Thicke! 479 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:53,980 Wow. 480 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,148 It sounds like you've become 481 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:57,050 a bit obsessed, huh, Barney? 482 00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:58,518 I am not obsessed. 483 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,820 All I did was break into your apartment 484 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,055 and read your teenage journals, 485 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:06,093 and fly to Vancouver to interrogate your ex-boyfriends, 486 00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:10,097 and fight beloved Canadian actor Alan Thicke 487 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,099 to a draw. 488 00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:14,334 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! 489 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,935 So, 490 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,036 ready to admit it? 491 00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,571 (sighs) 492 00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:21,241 Anyone can get obsessed. 493 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,775 Thank you. 494 00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:25,078 And now, I am ready to tell you 495 00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:27,380 who "P.S. I Love You" is about. 496 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:28,948 ALL: Who? 497 00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,583 (sighs) "P.S." 498 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:32,919 Paul Shaffer. 499 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,388 ALL: Paul Shaffer? 500 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:38,858 I know, so stereotypical. 501 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,461 Every young Canadian girl fantasizes 502 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,463 about being with Paul Shaffer. 503 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,635 At the Grey Cup gig, Paul was sitting in the front row. 504 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:52,972 * I'll always be waiting for you * 505 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,941 No wonder his stomach was growling. 506 00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,944 I feel bad that I scared Paul. 507 00:17:57,977 --> 00:18:00,413 (sighs) He's amazing. 508 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,216 But I have no regrets. 509 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,118 I was done being Robin Sparkles. 510 00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:06,119 You're not gonna go get 511 00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:08,755 beat up by Paul Shaffer now, are you? 512 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,157 I can't believe it. 513 00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:12,559 I'm a total Dahmer. 514 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,761 Yeah, but you're my Dahmer, 515 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,129 which makes you a Dobler. 516 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:19,132 TED: Just like Jeanette. 517 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:20,267 No, Ted, 518 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:23,603 what that woman did to run in to you was bonkers. 519 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,138 That's just not how you start a healthy relationship. 520 00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,773 Tell him, Lil. 521 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,441 I can't stand it anymore. 522 00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,076 I've been living a lie. 523 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,412 See? 524 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,846 LILY: I saw you at orientation 525 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,115 and I needed an excuse to meet you, 526 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,116 so... 527 00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,751 (electrical crackling) Ah! 528 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:39,986 I didn't know which room you were in, 529 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,490 so I had to create a little destiny. 530 00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:56,169 (quiet laugh) 531 00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:57,304 Okay. 532 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,176 I'm sorry, I just 533 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:05,978 couldn't stand the idea of not meeting you. 534 00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,215 Could... 535 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:11,050 not stand the idea 536 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,852 of not meeting me. 537 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,058 I'm sorry, Ted. 538 00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:20,026 You were right. 539 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,295 Jeanette's a Dobler. 540 00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,796 So are you. 541 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,132 Thanks, buddy. 542 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,134 You know, if you hadn't been reading 543 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,502 the exact same book as me, 544 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,970 we never would've met. 545 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,639 I mean, that's destiny. 546 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,841 Oh, look. 547 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,976 You bought it in the same bookstore I did. 548 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,212 On the same day. 549 00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:43,082 Within ten minutes of me buying mine. 550 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,884 Ugh... 551 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,353 Uh, this is embarrassing. 552 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:47,554 I wasn't gonna tell you this, 553 00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:50,890 but I followed you to that bookstore. 554 00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:54,661 I just couldn't stand the idea of not meeting you. 555 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,864 You followed me to the bookstore from where? 556 00:19:57,897 --> 00:20:00,233 How long have you been following me? 557 00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,935 Uh, this is embarrassing. 558 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,838 Uh, remember when you were on the cover of New York Magazine? 559 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:08,541 That was like a year and a half ago. 560 00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:11,177 Yeah. 561 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,580 NARRATOR: Before a man meets the woman he'll marry, 562 00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:16,583 he'll make one final, horrible mistake. 563 00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,951 For me, that was Jeanette. 564 00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:22,088 * P.S. I Love You. 565 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,194 * The law can't stop my love 566 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,463 * I'll fit you like a glove 567 00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:34,267 * Restraining orders don't scare me * 568 00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:36,569 * The lawyers at the record company * 569 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:39,639 * Made me promise to say 570 00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,675 ROBIN (reading): 571 00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:50,149 * I'm totally a slacker and I don't even care * 572 00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,585 * With my curling 'zines and my faraway stare * 573 00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:55,988 * But deep down inside, yeah deep down inside I'm dying * 574 00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:59,058 * I'm trapped in a cage of the tears I cry * 575 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,328 * I praying to God, but she doesn't reply * 576 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:02,929 * Even the robot says 577 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:03,930 Move on. 578 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:07,066 * I'm trying! 579 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,101 * P.S. I love you.