1 00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:05,539 Well, it's come to this-- we're drinking with our baby in a bar. 2 00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,175 It is not a bar. 3 00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:10,144 It's a restaurant that happens to have a bar. 4 00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,313 Ergo, we are good parents. 5 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,148 Unrelated: I'm getting faced right now. 6 00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,649 Papa needs a grease coat. 7 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,984 TED: While it is heartwarming to watch 8 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,220 your firstborn teethe on a jalapeño popper, 9 00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:21,021 wasn't Mickey gonna watch him today? 10 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,022 My dad's out all week. 11 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,091 He's got the sniffles. 12 00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,992 For someone who's survived numerous beatings 13 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,694 from loan sharks, he has 14 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,530 a surprisingly delicate constitution. 15 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:30,898 TED: Well, my semester's over 16 00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,566 and the GNB building is finally done. 17 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,735 If you guys want, I'm free to watch Marvin. 18 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:35,869 I'm meeting with a headhunter 19 00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:36,937 next week to line up 20 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,107 my next project, but until then, what the hell? 21 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:42,276 Ted, although a "what the hell" attitude is 22 00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:44,412 incredibly sought after in a babysitter, 23 00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,180 I think that Lily and Marshall... 24 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:46,980 BOTH: You're hired. 25 00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:49,083 Now that we've been 26 00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,151 parents for awhile, we realize 27 00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:52,286 that pretty much any moron can take care of a baby. 28 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,954 Thank you. 29 00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:56,357 Mine! 30 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,358 Ow. 31 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,026 Delicious and mine. 32 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,094 (Robin chuckles) 33 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:03,564 They do look yummy yum-yum, mister. 34 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,065 (giggles) 35 00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:09,637 No. No! 36 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:10,971 What have I done?! 37 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:14,108 I am so sorry, Cornelius. 38 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,544 You deserve a better end than this! 39 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,579 You got ketchup on a red tie. 40 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:19,980 You can't even see it. 41 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,015 (gasping) 42 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,553 (grunts) 43 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:26,587 Clear! 44 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:27,455 (sobs) 45 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,723 I'm going in. 46 00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:30,991 (blowing) 47 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,995 Oh, my... 48 00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,830 Damn it, guys, we lost him. 49 00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:38,932 And he was so close to retirement. 50 00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:41,101 Just this morning he said to me, 51 00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,737 "I'm getting too old for this shirt." 52 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:44,838 (Marvin fussing) 53 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:48,075 I know, dude. 54 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:51,111 (humming taps) 55 00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,984 Oh, my God. 56 00:01:57,017 --> 00:02:00,188 You are such a good folder. 57 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,256 That's, like, The Gap good. 58 00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:04,124 (giggles) 59 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,059 Robin... 60 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,763 ...let's go hit the bar. 61 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,031 At this restaurant. 62 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,800 I think they have a bar here. 63 00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,839 Okay, what was that? What was what? 64 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,309 The "dumb cheerleader flirting with the quarterback" thing. 65 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:22,476 You looked like you were gonna 66 00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:23,777 chase Barney down with 67 00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,546 a sixer of watermelon wine coolers. 68 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:28,216 First of all, those bad girls come in fourskis. 69 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:31,885 And second, why would I be flirting with Barney? 70 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:35,656 I'm not interested in him, and I made that very clear. 71 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,991 With something that I did. 72 00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,126 Recently. 73 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,294 Just spill it. 74 00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:42,630 ROBIN: The other week, Barney made a move, 75 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,698 but I turned him down. 76 00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:47,067 I felt awful for closing the door in his face, 77 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,636 but he realized I was right. 78 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,238 I'm done trying to get you. 79 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,873 I can't do it anymore. 80 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,842 And now I get it. Get what? 81 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,211 You may have closed the door on Barney, but he locked it. 82 00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:58,546 What? No, he didn't. 83 00:02:58,579 --> 00:02:59,847 Yeah, he got the last word, 84 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,148 and now you want 85 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,983 what you can't have, like you always do. 86 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,086 It's the classic lobster situation. 87 00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,988 I'm afraid you're allergic to lobster. 88 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:11,625 You can never, ever, ever have it. 89 00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:22,570 Oh, this... is... delicious. 90 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,672 Once you learned you couldn't have lobster, 91 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:25,939 you became obsessed. 92 00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:27,174 Barney's the same thing. 93 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,243 And this is gonna blow up in your face, 94 00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:31,512 just like the lobster blew up your face. 95 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,181 Wrong. This is nothing like lobster. 96 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,383 Okay. 97 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,184 Just remember, you can never hook up with Barney again. 98 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,519 That's fine. Never. 99 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:44,057 Ever, ever, ever, ever. 100 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,607 Oh, no. 101 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,475 Marshall, Lily and Ted can't make it, 102 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:03,210 for viable reasons I just learned 103 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,913 via this text message I accidentally deleted. 104 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,948 Guess it's just gonna be you and me. 105 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,116 Fine by me. 106 00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,285 Me, too. Totally. 107 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,420 Supafine. 108 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:14,054 (giggles) 109 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,056 ROBIN: Hey there, Scherbats, your voice of reason here. 110 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,057 What you doing? 111 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,492 I hope you don't mind, 112 00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:20,894 but I was hungry, so I ordered MacLaren's new special. 113 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:24,398 I couldn't eat lunch at work because they ordered 114 00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:25,999 (voice breaking): Thai food. 115 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,935 I miss you, Cornelius! 116 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:30,070 Oh, my God. 117 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,238 You're so sensitive. 118 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,340 And deep. 119 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,309 No. You're better than this. 120 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:38,111 Barney is not like lobster. 121 00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:40,848 Okay, that's unfortunate, but it doesn't mean 122 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:41,915 you have to hook up with Barney. 123 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:42,783 Whoa! 124 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,084 God, you said that out loud! 125 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,453 No, I didn't. 126 00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:47,087 How would you know? You're out of control. 127 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,957 Oh, you think you're so smart, don't you, bitch? 128 00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:53,193 Um, billion-dollar idea alert. 129 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:55,996 Why should bibs only be socially acceptable 130 00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,130 when you're eating lobster? 131 00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,799 If we could wear them all the time, 132 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,200 (voice breaking): then Corny would still be 133 00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,035 with us right now. 134 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:03,704 I miss... 135 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,141 Picture a bib that looks like your suit: 136 00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,110 a collar, a tie, a jacket. 137 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,111 Mm-hmm. 138 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,980 Atta girl. Keep it cool. 139 00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:16,183 I could call them Brobibs! 140 00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:17,651 That's interesting. 141 00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,387 Yeah, you got this. 142 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:22,055 I'm sorry I called you a bitch. 143 00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,123 What do you think? 144 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:26,126 Oh, that idea's amazeballs! 145 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:26,994 (giggles) 146 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,462 That's it. I'm out of here. 147 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:29,463 (footsteps) 148 00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,098 (door slams) 149 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:33,901 I'm out of control. 150 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,002 I came this close 151 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,169 to telling Barney that I wanted him. 152 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:39,172 Robin, as your friend, I got to be honest. 153 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:42,543 I think this Brobibs thing is a frickin' gold mine. 154 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:43,577 What? No. 155 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,312 Lily, I really need advice. 156 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,313 Okay. 157 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,681 Invest now. 158 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:50,551 Seriously, it's like Apple at ten dollars a share. 159 00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:51,485 Lily, please. 160 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,153 Okay, I'm sorry. 161 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,655 I'm just, I'm a little distracted. 162 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,989 I-I got to get upstairs 163 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,991 and check on Ted and Marvin. 164 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:01,862 Can we please just talk about this Brobib thing another time? 165 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,066 How was your day? 166 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,068 Good, although I think I just saw a woman 167 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,037 with a full beard outside. 168 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,171 Marvin crawled! 169 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,172 What? 170 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,607 He's never done that before. 171 00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:15,042 I know! 172 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:18,045 I think I just saw a guy with breasts outside. 173 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,747 Marvin crawled. 174 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,214 I can't believe it. Believe it. 175 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,450 I took a video for you. 176 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:23,684 (sighs) 177 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,018 TED: You're doing it, Marvin. 178 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,254 Go, go, go, go, go. 179 00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:28,856 Oh! 180 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,391 Your Uncle Ted is so proud. 181 00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:32,460 Whoops. 182 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:33,794 Guess I had the camera flipped. 183 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,565 I use it to check my teeth for debris. 184 00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:38,699 (Marvin laughing) 185 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:42,636 Ooh, sounds like somebody's "crawling" me. 186 00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:46,373 (whimpering) 187 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,375 Oh, sweetie, oh, come on. 188 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,144 Lil, listen, so we missed the first time he crawled. 189 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,279 So what? 190 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,314 We'll see it the next time, I promise. 191 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:56,049 TED: Oh, my God, he just did it again! 192 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,085 (sobbing) 193 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,958 (sobbing) TED: Guys, get in here! Marvin can't stop crawling! 194 00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,126 He's Holden Crawl-field! 195 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:10,163 Get in here right now-- nope, nope, it's over. 196 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,999 (whimpering) 197 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,967 Okay, hey, I know. 198 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,736 Baby, I know, I know. 199 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,572 But, listen, there will be plenty of other Marvin firsts. 200 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:19,673 His first day at school, 201 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,842 his first trip to meet Santa, 202 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,577 his first touchdown pass for 203 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,913 the 2032 Super Bowl champion Vikings-- no pressure. 204 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,649 I'll love him even if he runs the ball into the end zone. 205 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,919 So can we please just let this crawling thing go? 206 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,120 Yeah, okay. You're right. 207 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:35,022 I mean, I'm being nuts. 208 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,657 We'll see it when we see it. 209 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:37,658 Yeah. 210 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,092 Do it. 211 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,128 If you ever want to see these boobs again, 212 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,096 crawl, you son of a me. 213 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,865 Come on, Lil. 214 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:48,769 You know what they say: a watched tot never crawls. 215 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,704 (chuckles) 216 00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:52,506 Or calls you later in life, 217 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,441 after it sees this disturbing footage. 218 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,477 Hey, Lily, Marshall. 219 00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,112 Uh, Lily, we need to talk. 220 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,148 Oh, that sounds serious! 221 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,182 Oh, you guys should talk about it 222 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,317 down at the bar until after Marvin's asleep. 223 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:05,719 And if you want to stay down there until 224 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,187 after SportsCenter's over, that's fine, too. 225 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:10,157 Ooh. 226 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,158 Keep shooting. 227 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,160 If you miss it, I'm leaving you. 228 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,363 (Marvin giggles) 229 00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:22,135 Yeah, that seems about right. 230 00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,304 Sorry if I'm bad company. 231 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,739 I'm not sure anything is gonna 232 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,508 take my mind off of missing Marvin's first crawl. 233 00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:31,011 Lily, I've had a revelation. 234 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:32,312 Brobibs for women. 235 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,681 Bitchbibs! 236 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,082 You know Barney's gonna sue us, 237 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,717 but damn it, let's just go for it. 238 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:37,985 No, Lily, this is serious. 239 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,387 When that doctor told me I couldn't eat lobster 240 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,656 and I did it anyway, it almost killed me. 241 00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:43,991 But here's the thing: 242 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,226 I never wanted lobster again. 243 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,828 So the solution is obvious. 244 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,030 The only way to get Barney out of my system 245 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:54,001 is to get him into my system, one last time. 246 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,569 It's brilliant, right? 247 00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:56,904 Not brilliant at all. 248 00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,839 Thanks for being on board. Not on board. 249 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,273 It means a lot. Big mistake. 250 00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,209 You're my girl. 251 00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:06,413 Now it's just a question of how to get him... 252 00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,118 (panting): Hey, Robin, I just got your text. 253 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,219 What's the big emergency? 254 00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,220 Hi, Barney! 255 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,055 You seem like you run fast. 256 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,890 Do you want me to fan you with my US magazine? 257 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,425 He's fine. Thanks, Patrice. 258 00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,395 Oh, thank goodness you're here. 259 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:24,297 I just got this new printer, 260 00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:25,866 and I need somebody big and strong 261 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,400 to take it to my office for me. 262 00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:30,137 I promise to repay you. 263 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,739 We'll do it for you, Robin! 264 00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,775 Don't you have a late-breaking weather story to cover, Brandi? 265 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,443 Oh, I did it already. 266 00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:37,477 It rained. 267 00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:38,478 (cell phone ringing) 268 00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:40,113 Oh, I got to jump on 269 00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:41,649 a big Brobibs conference call. 270 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:45,085 The lawyer from Dude Aprons is really busting my balls. 271 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,286 See ya. 272 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,220 (Robin sighs) 273 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,891 Nobody asked for your help, Patrice! 274 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:54,094 You either, Brandi! 275 00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:57,665 (giggles): Stop it. 276 00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:58,999 Hey, hey. 277 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,635 What are you guys doing slobbering all over my friend? 278 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,937 Oh, Barney, don't be jealous. 279 00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:07,307 If you're gonna drool, do it in style! 280 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:10,911 Just go to Brobibs.com. 281 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,113 We've got every look in the book. 282 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:16,416 The Business Casual. 283 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,385 The Preppy. 284 00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:22,389 The Robin Williams. 285 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,026 (laughs) 286 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,027 Bib up! 287 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,696 Brobibs is in no way affiliated with, 288 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,831 inspired by or derivative of Dude Aprons. 289 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,036 (video game weapons zapping) 290 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:37,404 Hey, there. 291 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,707 Hey! 292 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:42,843 It is so good to see you. 293 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,011 (weapons zapping) 294 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,879 BARNEY: Thanks, Robin. 295 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:48,048 This game affects my league score. (yells) 296 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,021 Look, I don't agree with your lobster quest, 297 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:56,990 but I can't stand watching you make a fool of yourself. 298 00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,226 You want the fix? I got the fix. 299 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,061 Back in college... 300 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,997 it was love at first sight for me and Marshall, 301 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:07,134 but when it came to making the first move, well, 302 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,136 he needed help. 303 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:13,140 So I took matters into my own hands. 304 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,574 * 305 00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,845 Let's get out of here. 306 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:22,182 You just need a girl who, I don't know, 307 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,584 gets a few drinks in her and wants to have fun 308 00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,053 and put on a show. Mm-hmm. 309 00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,521 And it drives guys crazy, 'cause you both 310 00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,023 don't even care. 311 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,092 It's just stupid and fun. 312 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,193 (sighs) 313 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,162 Lily, that sounds perfect. Thank you. 314 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,697 Mm. Just stupid. 315 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:40,000 Stupid and fun. 316 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,069 (chuckles) 317 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:48,508 Who the hell is that? 318 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,010 Hey, guys. 319 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:53,080 Barney, this is Brandi, my fun friend from work, 320 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,982 who just doesn't even care. 321 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,350 Hello, Brandi. 322 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,286 Congratulations on the gig. 323 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,387 Aw, thank you! 324 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,722 World Wide News is an amazing place to work. 325 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,826 Not that gig, sweetheart. (raspy sigh) 326 00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:13,533 (heavy breathing) LILY: Marshall! 327 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,236 What? Ow. 328 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,370 It's late. 329 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,239 I'm so tipsy. 330 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:20,540 (laughs) 331 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:23,110 It is late. We should get out of here. 332 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:29,116 So, Brandi, ever sneak into the studio 333 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,084 and do it in front of the weather map? 334 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,053 No. Why do you ask? 335 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,387 No reason. 336 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:35,956 (chuckles) 337 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:39,259 Someone is about to get unseasonably banged. 338 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,496 Damn it! 339 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,098 What did I do wrong? 340 00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,667 Nothing. It was awesome. Oh, Marshall, let's go! 341 00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:54,074 Hey. Hey, Lilypad! 342 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,675 So, don't be upset. 343 00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:56,743 Ted... 344 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,678 took Marvin shopping 345 00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:01,281 and sort of bought him... 346 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,416 all his winter clothes. 347 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,252 (Lily squeals) TED (over baby monitor): Get ready 348 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,987 for our star runway model-- 349 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,857 or should I say, our star crawlway model. 350 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,358 He's doing it again, guys! Get in here! 351 00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,660 N-No-no, it's over. 352 00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,595 That's it. Ted's fired. 353 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,765 Fired? No, c-come on, Lily, he's helping us out. 354 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,033 Plus, next week, your dad'll be back, 355 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,169 and Ted has the meeting with that headhunter. 356 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:23,971 Let's just stay cool. 357 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:26,106 TED: Starting at quarterback, 358 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,508 the pride of Cleveland... 359 00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:31,611 (gasps) Marvin Eriksen! Right? 360 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,281 Right, guys? He's gonna be a little Browns fan. 361 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,983 (wails) 362 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:38,618 Oh, by the way, I cancelled that meeting with the headhunter, 363 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,620 so I can take care of Marvin next week. 364 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,956 What? No, no, my dad'll be better by then. 365 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,457 Oh, I gave Mickey the month off. 366 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,227 It's supposed to snow, and, uh, Uncle Ted doesn't want to miss 367 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,129 Marvin's first sleigh ride. 368 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,263 You're fired. You're fired. 369 00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:00,473 Marvin has a bib with little... little dinosaurs on it. 370 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,375 Maybe you should make one like that. 371 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:05,178 Brobibs are for grown men wearing bibs, Ted. 372 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:07,480 I don't want them looking like idiots. 373 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,049 (phone rings) 374 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:12,085 Lily, Marshall, you know you can't keep him away from me. 375 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:13,686 He's gonna start asking questions. 376 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:14,888 Calm down, Ted. 377 00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,323 We-we just wanted to apologize. 378 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,991 We overreacted before. 379 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:18,992 Mm-hmm. 380 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,593 LILY: Meet us 381 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:23,363 at the swim class you apparently signed Marvin up for. 382 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,198 Bubble Buddies? I'd love t... 383 00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:27,234 I mean, I'll have to check my skedge. 384 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:29,436 Sorry. When I'm excited, 385 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:30,870 I abbreviate words I shouldn't. 386 00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:32,039 LILY: Come on, Ted, 387 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,006 what do you say? 388 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,441 Fab. Perf. 389 00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:35,208 Sorry. 390 00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,743 See you at B-Buds. 391 00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,111 Bubble Buddies. Sorry. 392 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,683 Augie. Jayden. 393 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,119 Dylan. Girl Dylan. 394 00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:48,755 LILY: Hey, Ted. Hey. Where's Marvin? 395 00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:51,191 Does Coach Amber have him warming up in the Jacooz? 396 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,692 Sorry again. 397 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,196 Aw, hey, buddy, listen, we wanted to talk to you 398 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:59,032 about how you've kind of been overdoing it with Marvin. 399 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:00,700 I haven't been overdoing it. 400 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,036 Ted, we're in a baby swim class, 401 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,904 and clearly you've done something extreme 402 00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:07,574 to get the naming rights to that lollipop bin. 403 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,643 MARSHALL: But I-I think that we've 404 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,279 figured out what's going on with you. 405 00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:13,947 See, after we let you go... 406 00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,582 What is this? 407 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,650 Marvin's Book of Firsts? 408 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,429 (Lily gasps loudly) 409 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,764 Ted took Marvin to see Santa?! 410 00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,500 Oh, I am gonna take this book 411 00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,835 and I'm gonna shove it so far up his... 412 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,604 The point is, it made us remember 413 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:39,006 another scrapbook you made. 414 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:51,985 That project really was your baby, 415 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:55,455 and now it's over, and you're scared to move on. 416 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:58,858 I poured my blood, sweat and tears into that building. 417 00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,693 Though, to be fair, a lot of that happened 418 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,996 the day I accidentally fell down the elevator shaft. 419 00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:03,997 Mm. 420 00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:04,998 The point is, 421 00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,333 it's just really hard to let go. 422 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:08,635 Especially when that building's my biggest accomplishment. 423 00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:09,936 I mean, 424 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,205 maybe if I was where you guys are at in life, 425 00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:14,207 with all you have to be proud of... 426 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,312 We get it, okay? 427 00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,648 You're always gonna be Uncle Ted. 428 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,150 But if Marvin 429 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:24,651 can't be your next project, 430 00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:26,686 you need one of your own, 431 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,589 and so we rescheduled your meeting with that headhunter. 432 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,192 He's over there. 433 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,595 Which one is he? 434 00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,298 Thanks, guys. 435 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,966 Marvin and I are lucky you're our parents. 436 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,534 Aw. 437 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,503 Oh, hey, Ted? 438 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,238 It's kind of a big, professional meeting-- 439 00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:47,407 you might want to trade out that lollipop 440 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,008 for a shirt. (chuckles): Yeah. 441 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,711 I'll just give it to one of these kids. Oh, buddy. 442 00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,146 What? You're half naked, 443 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:56,015 you're not a parent to any of these children-- 444 00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,850 don't offer 'em candy. 445 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,821 I can't believe Barney went home with Brandi. 446 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,057 I should have asked you to do that play with me. 447 00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:06,659 Well, it's too late now, isn't it? 448 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,328 There he is. Straddle me. Start grinding. 449 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,462 Nothing's off-limits. 450 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,865 So, last night 451 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:15,235 Brandi and I got to the WWN studios, 452 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,370 and my high-pressure system 453 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:20,240 was ready to slam into her warm front. 454 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,109 The studio's unlocked, 455 00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,176 the weather map's up-- 456 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,912 ready to do it in 17 different states at once? 457 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:26,913 (chuckles) 458 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,915 Um, actually... 459 00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:31,050 I don't think I want that. 460 00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:33,920 I'm sorry. 461 00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:35,122 I'm-I'm... 462 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:36,556 I'm gonna go. 463 00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,726 Wait, you didn't sleep with her? 464 00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:40,927 Nope. 465 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,562 I spent the night thinking about 466 00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:45,865 how everything I've done since Quinn and I broke up 467 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,934 has been a cry for help. 468 00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,869 Dressing a dog up like me, 469 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,538 hooking up with all those nannies... 470 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,706 Brobibs? No, those are solid. 471 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:54,707 I still want in. 472 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:58,044 And I realized that... I'm searching, 473 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,713 searching for what I really want in life, 474 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,149 and you know what? 475 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:05,952 I have absolutely no idea what that is. 476 00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:08,388 Wow. 477 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,423 Barney... But... 478 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,792 I'm going to figure it out. 479 00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:14,594 I have to. 480 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,829 Good night, guys. 481 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,934 God, I feel awful. 482 00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:22,769 Barney is 483 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:23,970 going through something big, 484 00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:27,140 and I've been obsessing about one stupid final hookup 485 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,108 to get him out of my system. 486 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:30,343 (sighs) 487 00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:32,111 He needs space... 488 00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:34,080 and time to figure things out. 489 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,115 And I have to give it to him. 490 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,150 (knocking on door) 491 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,753 Robin? What are you doing here? It's okay 492 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:43,390 if you don't know what you want in life... 493 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:48,328 ...as long as you know what you want... 494 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:51,231 tonight. 495 00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:53,333 Well... 496 00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:55,702 I do know what I want. 497 00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,872 Hi, Robin! 498 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:03,176 Nobody asked you here, Patrice! 499 00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,946 Actually, I did. 500 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,481 Last night. 501 00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:10,717 Let me go see if the studio's open. 502 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,752 (chuckles softly) All right. 503 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,557 Oh, hi, Barney. 504 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,125 I'm working late. (laughs) 505 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,693 What are you doing here? 506 00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:23,896 I'm... (sighs) 507 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:27,033 I don't know what I'm doing... here. 508 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:31,003 Barney... I don't know you that well, but... 509 00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,672 are you okay? 510 00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:35,007 Yeah. What do you mean? 511 00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:36,309 Well, whenever I see someone unhappy, 512 00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:38,177 I get the urge to give them cookies, 513 00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,580 and I really want to give you cookies right now. 514 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,050 Cookie? 515 00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:47,019 Lame. No, thanks. 516 00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,821 You sure? They're heart-shaped. 517 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,023 Sorry, a couple of them are broken. 518 00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:54,661 (sobbing): I know how they feel. I'd love one. 519 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,663 After that, I sent Brandi packing, 520 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,898 and Patrice and I talked all night. 521 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,099 We're... 522 00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:03,069 kind of on a date right now. 523 00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:05,171 But if you'd like to throw on some clothes 524 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,573 and join us for Crazy Eights... 525 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:07,907 I can deal you in! 526 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,909 My deck has puppies on it! 527 00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:10,977 Arf-arf! 528 00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,114 Um... 529 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,017 I... 530 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,819 got to go. 531 00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:28,194 Look, I still feel bad I went too far 532 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,930 with all the Marvin firsts-- the Santa thing, especially. 533 00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:32,432 I mean, I should've known. 534 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,066 Are you sure you guys forgive me? 535 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,068 Absolutely. Don't worry, no grudges. 536 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,137 Great. Next round's on me. 537 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,309 Coming, honey! 538 00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:44,944 Okay, you guys have all the numbers-- my cell, 539 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:47,079 the restaurant, Center for Disease Control? 540 00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:49,549 She's with her Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall. 541 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,651 Nothing's gonna happen. 542 00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:52,652 You're right. (chuckles) 543 00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:53,653 You're totally right. 544 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,087 Okay... 545 00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,088 Bye, sweetie. 546 00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,457 Here, you... 547 00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:59,492 Mm... 548 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,663 Get out of here, ya crazy. Would you get out of here already. 549 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,333 (Lily giggles) 550 00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,768 Who's ready to meet Santa?