1 00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:04,205 NARRATOR: Kids, October of 2012 kicked off 2 00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:05,673 The Autumn of Breakups. 3 00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:08,476 And Barney, having broken his engagement with Quinn, 4 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,145 was slowly trying to pick himself back up. 5 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:15,116 Welcome to Bangtoberfest! 6 00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,318 Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt! 7 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,619 I'm back! 8 00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,121 Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt! 9 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,123 I'm single again! 10 00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:23,324 (woman screams) 11 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,492 Sorry about your eye! 12 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,493 I'm available! 13 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:26,527 (clicks tongue) 14 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,462 "Bangtoberfest: 15 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:31,165 This Time It's Really Not Personal." 16 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:32,700 Barney, you just went through 17 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,668 some really big emotional stuff. 18 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,704 You need to give yourself some time to heal. 19 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:39,340 Robin, I spent seven grand on merch. 20 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,808 This is happening. 21 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,445 Hey. 22 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,779 Hi, Marshall. 23 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:48,182 So, Lily's dad just showed up 24 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,518 two days ago unannounced. 25 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,819 Remember when I bought all those 26 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:52,720 Mexican fireworks so I'd never 27 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,555 have to buy Christmas presents again? 28 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,690 Oh, God, you blew up the house. 29 00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,359 (laughing): Blew up the house? 30 00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,560 Oh, no. 31 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:00,761 Nothing like that, no. 32 00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,163 (laughs) 33 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,797 No, the fireworks blew up the garage. 34 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,133 The house burned down. 35 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:06,734 Holy frijoles, 36 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,102 do I smell brownies? 37 00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,770 (grunting) 38 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,605 We covered that fire on the news. 39 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:15,576 I had no idea "naked man runs back into inferno 40 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,778 to rescue potato salad" was Mickey. 41 00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,781 My hour's up. Your turn, Marshall. 42 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,151 Oh, no. 43 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,719 Baby Marvin, did you just go poo-poo? 44 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,221 Craziest thing. 45 00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:29,457 He just went poo-poo this very second. 46 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,159 MARSHALL: Are you sure this 47 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,194 poo-poo didn't happen on your watch 48 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,496 and you just ran out the clock until it was my problem? 49 00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,465 (chuckles): Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, right. 50 00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:40,868 What kind of mother lets her son sit in his own filth 51 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,604 for an extra nine minutes and 42 seconds? 52 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:52,180 I got my eye on you, Aldrin. 53 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:56,417 It's watering right now, but I got my eye on you. 54 00:01:58,186 --> 00:01:59,753 LILY: I can't believe I have to go 55 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:02,723 back to work on Monday and we still haven't found a nanny. 56 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,526 Well, if Grandpa Mickey's there, couldn't he just... 57 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:06,927 (chuckles): Are you kidding? 58 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,397 My dad was never there for me when I was a kid. 59 00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:10,831 And when he was... 60 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:12,633 (sighs) 61 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,302 What's wrong, Daddy? 62 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:18,239 Oh, Daddy can't pick a horse to save his freakin' life. 63 00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:21,875 All I need is just one lucky number. 64 00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,377 Hey, when's your birthday? 65 00:02:24,412 --> 00:02:26,347 Today. 66 00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:28,682 Well... 67 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:31,752 We've got to find a nanny, and my dad's definitely not it. 68 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,722 Well, um, and this doesn't solve your nanny problem, 69 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,857 but if you're in need of a babysitter, 70 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,226 Nick and I could do it. 71 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,961 We're really clicking as a couple. 72 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,265 Um, if any couple is clicking these days, 73 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,766 it's me and Victoria. 74 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,301 (laughs) 75 00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:49,937 Do you think that you and Victoria 76 00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:52,306 are clicking more than me and Nick? 77 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,974 Do you think you and Nick are... (gasps) 78 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,277 Oh, that's precious. 79 00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:59,413 NARRATOR: Kids, when you're in a new relationship 80 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:01,915 and you're competing with your ex for who's happier, 81 00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,317 it can get ugly. 82 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,919 Anyway, I should get going. 83 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,522 I have to go get a key made for Nick. 84 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,324 For my apartment. 85 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,191 Ha-burn. 86 00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,327 Hey, maybe the locksmith who made the key 87 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:14,962 I gave to Victoria will give you a deal. 88 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,230 Oh, wait, he won't remember me. 89 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,365 It was three weeks ago. 90 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:18,666 Ha-double burn. 91 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,967 Nick signed for a package when I wasn't there. 92 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,802 Victoria keeps tampons at my apartment. 93 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,904 Damn it! 94 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,786 NARRATOR: The next day, Lily and Marshall's 95 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,421 nanny search hit pay dirt. 96 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,456 (British accent): Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen, 97 00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:46,260 I promise to create a safe, nurturing environment 98 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:49,363 full of learning, laughter and love. 99 00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:50,731 So that even when 100 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,266 we have to eat lima beans 101 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,268 or we get a boo-boo on our knee, 102 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:57,505 we know everything will be just fine. 103 00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:59,340 And do you know why? 104 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,841 Because you're an angel sent from heaven? 105 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:03,344 I want to bury my head in the safety of your bosom. 106 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,913 Because Mrs. Buckminster is here. 107 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:06,914 (Lily sighs) 108 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:08,816 The search is over. 109 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:12,320 Mrs. Buckminster, we just need to know your salary. 110 00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,921 Oh, delightful! 111 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:16,557 Well, my weekly fee is... 112 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,691 (Marshall and Lily sobbing) 113 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,360 There, there. 114 00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:23,030 I'm sure you'll find someone you like just as much. 115 00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:24,031 No, we won't! 116 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,466 Not like you! 117 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,537 Hey, Robin, can I borrow a stamp? 118 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:33,307 Oh, wait, this wedding reply card already has one. 119 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:34,542 Why, you ask? 120 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:37,978 Victoria and I are RSVPing to a wedding... 121 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,413 in Jamaica... 122 00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:40,948 six months from now. 123 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,350 Ha-triple burn. 124 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,017 Oh. 125 00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:44,985 Jamaica. 126 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,420 Yeah. 127 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:47,287 That's an island, right? 128 00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:50,358 Depends where you're going with this. 129 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,726 All the way to the island of Hawaii. 130 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,061 Why, you ask? 131 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,396 Well, I was invited 132 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:56,497 to spend New Year's there... 133 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,832 last night when I met Nick's parents. 134 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,634 Ha-aloha burn. 135 00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,403 Have you, um, 136 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,438 met Victoria's parents, Ted? 137 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:08,342 As a matter of fact, I haven't. 138 00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:10,077 Because they're dead. 139 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:13,013 Are they, Ted? 140 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,648 Are they really dead? 141 00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,784 No. 142 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:17,951 Damn it! 143 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:21,655 Bangtoberfest is a flop! 144 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:24,992 I can't think of an innovative way to bang chicks 145 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,495 that properly honors my return to the game. 146 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,897 Sure, I've tried some old reliables. 147 00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:31,732 (Boston accent): Ten unpaid parking tickets? 148 00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:37,104 I suppose there is one way I could... "get you off." 149 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,741 (normal voice): No! 150 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:44,077 I've used that admittedly awesome line a thousand times. 151 00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:46,146 (Boston accent): You're better than this, Barney! 152 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,149 (deep voice): Well, the evidence is pretty incriminating, but... 153 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:53,921 I suppose there is one way I could "get you off." 154 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,757 (normal voice): Damn it! What? 155 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,992 Bangtoberfest is about innovation, 156 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,728 about ideas. 157 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:03,130 Bangtoberfest used to mean something. 158 00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,665 You just made it up yesterday. 159 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:05,833 Enough questions. 160 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,701 I need time to think! 161 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,739 So, how's the nanny search going, Lil? 162 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:12,973 Lousy. 163 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:15,876 Mrs. Buckminster was a spoonful of sugar. 164 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,746 But so far, everyone we can afford on this Web site 165 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:22,750 HeyNannyNanny.com is Scary Poppins. 166 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,718 NARRATOR: But Lily and Marshall needed a nanny, 167 00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:27,020 so they forged ahead with their search. 168 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,590 So, zero experience as a nanny? 169 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:32,726 Right. But in rehab, I was in charge of the cats. 170 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,563 And only two died, so I figured... 171 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:36,630 (coughs): I'm available. 172 00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:38,098 (clears throat) 173 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,100 How do you feel about spanking? 174 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:43,871 For eight bucks an hour, you can do whatever you want to me. 175 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,138 (coughs): I'm available. 176 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,540 Dad, we know. 177 00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:49,209 (coughs): I wasn't talking to you. 178 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,945 NARRATOR: Finally, they met Julie Jorgensen. 179 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:55,549 You're from St. Cloud, Minnesota? 180 00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:56,684 I'm from St. Cloud. 181 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,952 Really? Oh, you must know my dad, George Jorgensen? 182 00:06:58,986 --> 00:06:59,953 Of course. 183 00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,489 George Jorgensen's Organs. 184 00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,723 Last year, my brother joined the business. 185 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,526 Really? Who knew that Morgan Jorgensen would go into organs? 186 00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:06,460 Anyway, Julie... 187 00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:08,161 Is it still called George Jorgensen's Organs 188 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,731 or did they change it to George Jorgensen and Son Organs? 189 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,467 They changed it to George and Morgan Jorgensen's Organs. 190 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:14,835 Guess whose idea that was? 191 00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,804 Morgan's. 192 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,506 They just opened a new shop out of state. 193 00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:19,673 Oregon.h? Where? 194 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:20,574 What's that one called? 195 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,209 Piano Town. 196 00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:25,579 Well, you have experience, 197 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,516 and I think it's safe to say you have my husband's approval. 198 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,050 What's your salary? 199 00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,719 Oh, um, it's right there. 200 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:36,490 Julie, we would love for you to be our nanny. 201 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,091 Oh, thank you so much. 202 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,193 Um, I just have one last interview today, 203 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,895 but to be honest, I can't imagine 204 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,564 liking anyone more than I like you guys. 205 00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,032 Oh... 206 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,033 Okay, bye. 207 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,067 Bye. 208 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,502 LILY: Yay. 209 00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:52,105 Well, she was a total bitch. 210 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:56,109 NARRATOR: That night, Lily and Marshall called Julie 211 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,778 hoping she'd accept the job. 212 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,047 I'm so sorry, I can't. 213 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,783 Don't tell us you took the other job. 214 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,918 No, I didn't. I'm not taking any nanny job. 215 00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,920 I don't understand. 216 00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:08,088 The most amazing thing happened 217 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,890 at my next interview after you guys. 218 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,925 I fell in love with a single dad 219 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,961 who turns out to be a billionaire. 220 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,730 Tomorrow, we're heading off to Paris in his private jet. 221 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:20,634 It's gonna be, as he would say, legend-- wait for it... 222 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:23,303 BOTH: Barney! 223 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,607 Ix-nay on the eal-ray ame-nay. 224 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,108 Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen? 225 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:31,612 You son of a... 226 00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,146 itch-bay! 227 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,188 Look, Barney's our friend, for some reason, 228 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,290 and everything he told you was a lie. 229 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,158 But the good news is 230 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,160 you're free to come work for us. 231 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,329 I'm sorry, I can't nanny for anyone 232 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,565 who's friends with this monster. 233 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,337 (door closes) 234 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,939 Look, I'd offer you guys coffee, 235 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,641 but I have another nanny interview 236 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,876 in about 15 minutes, so... 237 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:05,112 Barney, quick question: why are you interviewing nannies? 238 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:06,113 Glad you asked! 239 00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,215 You guys were all pressuring me to think of 240 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,618 a revolutionary new way to get chicks for Bangtoberfest. 241 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,686 And frankly, I was stumped. 242 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,154 Until... 243 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:16,757 So far, everyone we can afford on this Web site 244 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:20,093 HeyNannyNanny.com is Scary Poppins. 245 00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:21,829 BARNEY: And there it was. 246 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:25,198 The Big Bro in the sky had answered my prayers. 247 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,900 Almighty-five. 248 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,168 Ow. 249 00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:30,303 I'd introduce you to little Baby Edgar, 250 00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:32,773 (whispering): but one, he's napping, 251 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:36,176 and two, he doesn't exist. 252 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:38,946 And these nannies are really falling for this? 253 00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:41,949 Yeah, these toys don't even make sense for a baby. 254 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:45,018 You've got an air rifle, you got the exact race track 255 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,120 with the double loopty-loop I had as a kid! 256 00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:50,824 Oh, can I open it, can I open it, can I open it? 257 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,693 What about Baby Edgar's mom? 258 00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:56,029 Oh, that's a sad story. 259 00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:59,099 And in the end, the coroner's report confirmed 260 00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,934 what I already feared: 261 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:06,306 the female body cannot withstand that many consecutive orgasms. 262 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:11,011 I blame myself. 263 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,647 Okay, does anybody have six nine-volt batteries? 264 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:19,419 Once I got the nannies all sympathetic, 265 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,222 I had to check their qualifications. 266 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,224 I'd like to see how you handle bath time. 267 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,426 Follow me to the tub. 268 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,995 Should I get the baby? 269 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,197 No. 270 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,232 I'm just gonna take the batteries 271 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,301 out of these smoke detectors. Cool? Cool. 272 00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:40,340 Once the interview was over, I went in for the kill. 273 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,342 You're perfect for the job. 274 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,745 So, congratulations, you're hi... 275 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:45,913 No. 276 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,681 I can't do this. 277 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:50,317 I find you very attractive, 278 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,352 and it wouldn't be appropriate. 279 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,791 It wouldn't be appropriate. 280 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,797 It wouldn't be appropriate. 281 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,969 I repeat-- it would not be appropriate. 282 00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:17,177 It was like taking candy from an imaginary baby! 283 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,479 Barney, I just went five months with no help, 284 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,950 and interviewed 92 nannies before finding one we liked, 285 00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,351 and you ruined everything 286 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:27,054 the night before I'm supposed to go back to work? 287 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,823 Thank you for being the most immature person 288 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,291 I have ever met. 289 00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:32,492 Marshall, let's go. 290 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,460 Five more minutes! 291 00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,096 Now. 292 00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,831 I'll be Okay. back. 293 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,201 Mmm. 294 00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:42,469 Mm-hmm. Mmm. 295 00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:43,904 (laughs)) 296 00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,505 Mm-hmm. 297 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,841 Mmm!ckles) 298 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,877 (laughs)s you. 299 00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:53,947 Oh! Oh! 300 00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,816 (laughs) 301 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,751 Overcompensating a bit? 302 00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:00,487 Why would I need to overcompensate? 303 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,489 I am... (sighs) 304 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:05,392 ...deliriously happy in my perfect relationship. 305 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:09,529 What about what I just witnessed not two minutes ago? 306 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,766 How can the Giants pass on third and one?! 307 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,401 Honey, it's okay. 308 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,970 It's the first quarter, and the Browns are only up by three... 309 00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,972 Robin, I don't want you to fix this. 310 00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:23,844 I just want to feel heard. 311 00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,779 First of all, the Giants were smart 312 00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,881 not to run on my Dawg Pound defense. 313 00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:28,882 TheyI know.Ted. 314 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:30,550 And two-- 315 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,286 there is no way that you like being with a guy 316 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:34,521 who's so emotional and needy. 317 00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,924 (scoffs) You want to dance, Mosby? 318 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,292 Let's talk about yesterday. 319 00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:42,863 Hi! You guys, I'm so sorry I'm so late. 320 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,432 I'm gonna run upstairs, change, I'll be back 321 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,534 in five minutes. 322 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,870 Take your time, sweetie. 323 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,507 Victoria's a slob! 324 00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,509 Well, at least I'm not dating a girl. 325 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,245 You know what I mean. 326 00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,446 Hey, you know what? 327 00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,548 I-I really appreciate how sensitive 328 00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:04,584 and in touch he is with his... 329 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,153 God, who am I kidding? 330 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:10,023 20 bucks says he is crying in the ladies' room right now. 331 00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:13,593 Well, at least when he's finished, he's gonna flush. 332 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,163 (sighs) 333 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,832 NARRATOR: So, just as Lily was about to call in sick 334 00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:20,533 on her first day back to work... 335 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,569 (phone beeps, knocking on door) 336 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,175 Good morning! 337 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:31,511 Mrs. Buckminster, hold me and make everything okay! 338 00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:35,282 I mean, uh... what are you doing here? 339 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:39,519 A Mr. Stinson called the agency and offered to pay my salary. 340 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,123 Wow. Really? 341 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,625 It's a nice gesture, but I'm still pissed. 342 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,195 He also sent along this. 343 00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,197 Are the batteries...? 344 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:53,300 Yes, the batteries are included, dear. 345 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,568 Yes! 346 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:57,604 Now, off to work, you two. 347 00:13:57,637 --> 00:14:00,640 Mr. Marvin and I are going to get acquainted. 348 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,342 Great. 349 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,211 I can't wait to hand him off 350 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:05,879 and-and finally get some freedom. 351 00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:08,348 You deserve it. Now hand him over. 352 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:11,284 Hand him over, yup. 353 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:14,354 I'll just take little Marvin off your hands then. 354 00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,323 Take him off my hands. 355 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,358 There he goes. 356 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:21,228 Ready to receive him! 357 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,863 I can't give Marvin to a stranger! 358 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,935 (toy car whirring) 359 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,237 Okay, somebody who's not in the middle of a race 360 00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,872 should probably go talk to her. 361 00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,211 I'm sorry, Mrs. Buckminster. 362 00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:41,381 We've decided we're not going to use a nanny after all. 363 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,650 Calm down. Lily, 364 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,585 you're just nervous about spending 365 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,487 your first day away from Marvin. 366 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,222 That's perfectly normal. 367 00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,124 Oh, I am holding onto you forever, 368 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:53,293 and when I die, and become a skeleton, 369 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,195 I'll still be holding you. Yes. 370 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,966 Last night, 371 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:02,135 Nick cried when I killed a spider. 372 00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:05,205 You should have brought that spider over to my house 373 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,107 to feast on the ant colony 374 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:10,243 breeding on Victoria's unwashed dishes. 375 00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:11,678 (gasping) 376 00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:13,280 Barney, what happened to you? 377 00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:16,950 It was a nightmare. 378 00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,952 I'm walking down the street, minding my own business, 379 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,487 and I see one of the nannies 380 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,422 that I interviewed, and I'm thinking, 381 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,524 "Maybe I can get her behind a Dumpster 382 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,159 and interview her again." 383 00:15:26,193 --> 00:15:28,461 But then... 384 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:32,265 And then... 385 00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,001 They were everywhere. 386 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,469 I was surrounded! 387 00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,205 Hey. Hi. 388 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:39,973 Did you 389 00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:41,574 really think you could get away with this? 390 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:42,976 (laughs) 391 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:45,545 As a matter of fact, I did, yeah. 392 00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,547 Time for your nap! 393 00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:51,084 I woke up in a Dumpster 394 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,086 covered in diapers. 395 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,088 And I found a pacifier 396 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,490 somewhere I'm not willing to discuss. 397 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,327 What is wrong with me?! 398 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,529 You're still getting over Quinn. 399 00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:05,432 You can't just dive right back into single Barney mode. 400 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,766 But I can't stop myself! 401 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,235 I'm out of control! 402 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,669 No, I'm not. I'm fine! 403 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,038 Now, 404 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,205 if you'll excuse me, 405 00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:16,409 that blonde at the bar looks as loose as my rear molars. 406 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,611 Stop me! Don't stop me! I'm fine. Help! 407 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,647 Being single's great! 408 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:27,320 You know, Victoria's messiness 409 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:30,790 just forces me to grow as a cleaner. 410 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,493 Totally. And without Nick, 411 00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,362 who's gonna hem my pants? 412 00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:38,165 To making these relationships last. 413 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:42,535 NARRATOR: Both relationships would implode within the month. 414 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,171 Hey, sweetie. 415 00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:46,706 Hey. Did you guys conk out? 416 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,775 Yeah, I guess we did. 417 00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,143 What time is it? 418 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,078 5:00. 419 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,346 Wow. We slept all day! 420 00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,615 Quick question. Um, 421 00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:56,549 where's Marvin? 422 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,585 Right here. 423 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:03,156 (screaming) 424 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:09,396 (screaming) 425 00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:13,400 Hey, gang. What's the big whoop? 426 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:14,601 Marvin! 427 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:15,902 Dad, what happened? 428 00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:19,272 MICKEY: Well, when I came back this morning from my jog, 429 00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:20,773 Marshall was gone, 430 00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,276 and I couldn't find Mrs. What's-her-face. 431 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:28,215 And you two were sawing logs, so I figured I'd lend a hand. 432 00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,826 LILY: Then, why did I wake up 433 00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,628 holding a monkey? 434 00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,763 Well, a little later, I got kind of hungry. 435 00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:54,807 So I gave him a bath, and put his diaper rash ointment on, 436 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,576 and fed him strained peas, not bananas, 437 00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:58,411 'cause he had bananas yesterday, 438 00:17:58,445 --> 00:17:59,612 and I did the laundry, 439 00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,581 finished my burrito, 440 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,416 put him down for his nap at noon, 441 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,818 sterilized the bottles, and then we just went to the park. 442 00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,354 Okay. 443 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:10,323 Wow. That's incredible. 444 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,392 When did you get so good with kids? 445 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,394 You know something, honey, you don't remember this, 446 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,130 but, um, for the first few years of your life, 447 00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:19,866 your mom worked, and I was a stay-at-home dad. 448 00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:22,202 I thought Grandma and Grandpa took care of me. 449 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:23,136 Well, they visited a lot, 450 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,272 but I was the guy who took care of you. 451 00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:26,906 You know, America thinks 452 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,576 I ran into that burning house to get potato salad, 453 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,245 but I actually ran in to get this photo album. 454 00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,847 And potato salad. Sure. 455 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:47,527 Dad, I never realized you were... 456 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,763 there for me. 457 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:54,234 How come there are no pictures of me after I go to preschool? 458 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:57,237 Well... 459 00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,173 Oh. Okay, well, 460 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:03,210 have fun on your first day of preschool, Princess. 461 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,545 Okay. Off you go. 462 00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,714 There you go. 463 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,716 Ugh! 464 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:12,385 How am I gonna make it to 3:00 without her? 465 00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:16,223 (sighs) 466 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:19,259 "Belmont Race Track?" Hmm. 467 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,794 I guess it couldn't hurt to go just once. 468 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,064 Six months later, 469 00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:27,800 guess what gambling addict's thumbs had metal pins in them? 470 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:28,968 (tongue clicking) 471 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,538 This guy. 472 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:35,408 Look, honey, I was a jerk 473 00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,544 who wasn't there for most of your childhood, 474 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:40,713 and I regret that every single day of my life. 475 00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:43,216 But I promise you, 476 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,885 I'm here now for Marvin... 477 00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,920 if you want. 478 00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:50,890 You're hired. 479 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,326 * I look up to you 480 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,729 * You don't look down on me 481 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,798 * What do you see in me? 482 00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:01,768 * Is it oceans of blue? 483 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:06,273 * How do you make the colors say * 484 00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:09,008 * In a thousand crazy ways 485 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,244 * That in the end 486 00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:15,214 * Most things will be okay... 487 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:20,152 (Boston accent): Ten parking tickets, huh? 488 00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:22,322 I suppose there is a way I could, uh... 489 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:23,990 "get you off." 490 00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,793 (normal voice): Why did I ever doubt a classic? 491 00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,695 MRS. BUCKMINSTER: Now, now, now. 492 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,464 This is exactly the sort of behavior 493 00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:33,900 you hired me to put an end to, Mr. Stinson. 494 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,702 Off with you, dear. 495 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,270 Go make better decisions! 496 00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,609 You're right. 497 00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:44,744 Thanks, Mrs. Buckminster. 498 00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,045 You're welcome. 499 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,448 And I'm proud of you for trying to change. 500 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,049 What you're doing 501 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,319 with these young women 502 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:54,287 is simply not appropriate. 503 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,993 That can never happen again. 504 00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:04,030 Oh, pish-posh. You said that five times ago.