1
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:23,224
Oh, you look like you're
coming from a wedding.

2
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,825
Was it a nice one?

3
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:29,063
Uh, it's a long story,
and I don't mean to be rude,

4
00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:31,632
but I really don't
feel like talking about it.

5
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:36,737
It all started when the
bride asked to see me...

6
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,941
Wow.

7
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,544
Okay, don't
sugarcoat it, Mosby.

8
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,946
Just give it
to me straight, okay?

9
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,381
How bad is Barney
freaking out right now?

10
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,016
Oh, he's fine.

11
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,051
No, I'm serious.
He's totally fine.

12
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:52,420
I have a better
tie at home!

13
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:53,687
It's cornflower blue!

14
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,022
It's cornflower
blue!

15
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:58,959
You may rest assured, Barney
Stinson is absolutely 100%

16
00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:00,027
going through
with this wedding.

17
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,130
(sighs)
Okay.

18
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:04,698
Good news.

19
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,968
Um, just one
small issue, uh...

20
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:10,571
I can't go through
with this wedding.

21
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:18,612
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

22
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,053
Okay, calm down,
everyone feels this way

23
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,054
on their wedding day.

24
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,289
It'll pass.
No.

25
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:29,290
It's more than that.

26
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,159
I'm having a
serious crisis.

27
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:36,096
And I wonder if it would be
hard to climb out that window.

28
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,898
Uh, climbing out's easy.

29
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,900
Climbing in's
the real challenge.

30
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,235
Oh, right.

31
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,570
It's the same window,
isn't it?

32
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,104
Yeah.

33
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:46,974
NARRATOR: That story
transpired in May of 2012.

34
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:50,311
As you may recall, Lily and
Marshall were gloriously happy

35
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,680
having just welcomed
your cousin Marvin.

36
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:55,583
While Barney and Quinn
were gloriously happy

37
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,186
having just gotten engaged.

38
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,488
And Robin, well...

39
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,089
Ah, got it!

40
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,426
Man, that sum'bitch had
been in there since breakfast!

41
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,529
Robin: one,
poppy seed: zero.

42
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:09,697
Heck, this calls
for some champagne.

43
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:10,698
I think there's
some in the fridge.

44
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,032
We'll get it.

45
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,268
We're totally not gonna
go have sex in the kitchen,

46
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:15,102
if that's what
you're thinking.

47
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,170
Aw, we're not?

48
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:17,438
No, no, we are.
I already took off your bra.

49
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,806
Oh!

50
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,010
Hey, are you guys sure
you can handle champagne?

51
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,945
You haven't slept
in like a week.

52
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,214
We should just
call it a night.

53
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,182
Oh, I see what
this is about.

54
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,684
You feel weird
because Barney's engaged.

55
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:31,685
What?!

56
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,187
No. Of course not.

57
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:35,289
And I will tell you
why it's not weird.

58
00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:36,123
What's not weird?

59
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,458
The fact
that Barney's engaged.

60
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,559
Barney's engaged?!

61
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,793
Heck, this calls
for some champagne.

62
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,329
I think there's
some in the fridge.

63
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,863
Oh, my God, why don't you
both just admit it:

64
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:46,300
You're deliriously exhausted.

65
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:47,635
BOTH:
We're fine!

66
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,337
Really?
We're not gonna be

67
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:50,971
the kind of people
who have a baby

68
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,740
and become total zombies.

69
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:53,807
MARSHALL:
Yes, Robin.

70
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,876
We're not gonna be
the kind of people

71
00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:57,478
that have a zombie
and become total babies.

72
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,413
Okay, well, what
I was saying is...

73
00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:06,587
(slow, garbled speech)

74
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,257
Do you understand?

75
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,592
Yes! God, yes!

76
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,727
You are preaching
to the choir, sister.

77
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:15,829
Whew!

78
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,331
Hey.
So...

79
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:20,601
I am thinking
about my bridal party

80
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:23,170
and, uh, I don't have
a lot of girlfriends.

81
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,438
I mean,
I have work friends,

82
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:25,539
but I worked at a strip club

83
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,241
and I know they'll
just complain

84
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:30,378
about any bridesmaid's dress
that has a front, so...

85
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,446
Would you guys
be my bridesmaids?

86
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,447
I'd be honored.
Yes!

87
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:34,448
ROBIN:
Of course.

88
00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:36,250
Not you, Marshall.

89
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:37,951
But, yay,
thank you!
Oh.

90
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:38,952
Oh, thank you.
Oh, my gosh.

91
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,654
It's gonna be
so much fun.

92
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,591
Yeah, now it's weird.

93
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:45,092
What's weird?

94
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,361
Me being
Quinn's bridesmaid.

95
00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:49,597
Oh, I wouldn't worry
about that, sweetie.

96
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,064
She probably won't
even ask you.

97
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,065
She just did.

98
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:53,467
And we both said yes.

99
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:56,270
Heck, this calls
for some champagne.

100
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,572
I think there's
some in the fridge.

101
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:01,241
NARRATOR: Meanwhile,
I was also gloriously happy,

102
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:03,377
driving off into the sunset
with Victoria,

103
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:06,246
who left her fiance Klaus
at the altar for me.

104
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,748
There was just one problem.

105
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,284
I wonder if Klaus
found your note yet.

106
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,285
My note?

107
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,453
Yeah, you know,

108
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,455
the "I'm leaving you
at the altar" note.

109
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:15,789
Is that a thing?

110
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,425
(tires screech)

111
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,328
When you leave someone at the
altar, you always leave a note.

112
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,562
It's common courtesy.

113
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,665
I think common courtesy went
out the window when I did.

114
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:27,234
Look, when Stella
left me at the altar,

115
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,936
at least I got an explanation.

116
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:31,972
I mean, that note is
what keeps you sane.

117
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:35,409
You read it, you re-read it,
you memorize it,

118
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:37,845
you sleep with it,
you sniff it

119
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,447
because it still
kind of smells like her,

120
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,581
and then, finally...

121
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,416
you let it go...

122
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,352
tied to a brick,
right through her perfect

123
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,153
little suburban bay window.

124
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:48,255
I'll just text him.

125
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,990
You're leaving a note.

126
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,794
So, Barney and I have
already disagreed

127
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,329
on a few
of the wedding details.

128
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,130
I want to go
with a buffet,

129
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,800
and he wants to ride down the
aisle on a grizzly bear.

130
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,902
He'll be wearing a tux.

131
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,272
Fine, fine, I'll settle
for a panda bear,

132
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,840
but you have
to call my tailor.

133
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,709
He'll be furious
about the switch.

134
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,711
ROBIN:
Hey, Barney, uh...

135
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,179
We've gotta talk.

136
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:15,783
Um, Quinn just asked me
to be one of her bridesmaids.

137
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,519
Isn't she even a little weirded
out that you and I used to date?

138
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:21,622
Quinn doesn't have
a jealous bone in her body.

139
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,156
She rolls with
the punches.

140
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:25,158
She...
Doesn't have a clue.

141
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,694
No, she does not.

142
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,396
Okay.

143
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,297
Okay.

144
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,866
"Klaus, there is
no easy way to tell you

145
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,802
why I won't be
marrying you today.

146
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,671
Have a great
summer, Victoria."

147
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:39,507
That's it?

148
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:42,042
No, no, we gotta
do this right.

149
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,811
Well, you can't write it.

150
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,547
One look, it's gonna be obvious
it's a guy's handwri...

151
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,749
Oh no, we're good.

152
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,519
Okay, fine,
you write, I'll advise.

153
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,487
(sighs)

154
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,488
"Klaus."

155
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,723
Just "Klaus"?

156
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,525
Come on, give it some heart,
the poor guy.

157
00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,761
"Dear sweet Klaus..."

158
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,329
"Sweet?" What, are you still
in love with this jerk?

159
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,264
I'm doing this on my own.

160
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,403
I'm sorry, I just...

161
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,839
you know,
I feel bad for the guy.

162
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,742
I'm stealing the greatest girl
in the world away from him.

163
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,445
You're not stealing me.

164
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:19,480
I'm choosing you.

165
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:27,354
Because you are loving

166
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,190
and you are caring...

167
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,026
and you are going to
go deliver this note.

168
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,628
Wait, you want me
to go in there?

169
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:37,565
It took everything
I had to climb out

170
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:38,966
that church window today.

171
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:42,470
and if I have
to go back in there,

172
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,905
I'm not sure
I can do it again.

173
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,418
It has to smell like you.

174
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:00,454
(shuts door)

175
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,461
So Quinn has no idea
that we used to date?

176
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:08,462
None whatsoever.

177
00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:10,598
Okay, Barney,
think this through.

178
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:13,601
Do you really want to spend the
rest of your life with Quinn...

179
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:14,502
Oh, God, you have a point.

180
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:15,503
Haven't gotten to it yet.

181
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:17,270
(anxious laugh)

182
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:19,239
Of course. Continue.

183
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,775
Do you really want to spend the
rest of your life with Quinn

184
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:23,176
and keep this secret?

185
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:24,578
I mean,
she's gonna find out.

186
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:26,847
Quinn's not gonna find out
because I've destroyed

187
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,416
every piece of evidence that
you and I were ever a couple.

188
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,951
That's ridiculous.

189
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,820
You couldn't have
gotten rid of all of it.

190
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,361
You replaced me with a tiger.

191
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,930
I couldn't completely
get you out of that one.

192
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,264
Had to get creative.

193
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:48,335
Well, I'm glad that deleting
our entire time together

194
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:49,837
was so easy for you.

195
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,640
But I guarantee you: Quinn is
gonna find out eventually.

196
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:53,941
No, she won't.

197
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,208
I just need your help.

198
00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:56,376
Yours, too.

199
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:57,611
I know you're out of it,

200
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,446
but you have to promise
not to tell Quinn, okay?

201
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,714
Tell Quinn what?

202
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:01,815
Exactly.

203
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,216
No, she's really asking.

204
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,451
Tell Quinn what?

205
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:10,057
(water burbling)

206
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:13,694
BOTH:
Ooooooh...

207
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,539
Can't climb
the drainpipe.
What?

208
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,374
When I was in fourth grade,
I couldn't climb the rope

209
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:29,209
in gym class and all the other
kids made fun of me,

210
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,578
even though
it wasn't my fault.

211
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,512
I had to go after
Efthimios Papajapoulos.

212
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:34,682
The rope was slick
with lamb grease!

213
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,685
Okay, so just walk
in the front door

214
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:38,586
and act like you belong.

215
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:39,753
Here.

216
00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,188
Here's the key to
the dressing room.

217
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,731
Can I help you?

218
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,966
Hi.
I'm the church handyman.

219
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:55,569
I'm here to fix
the broken thing.

220
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:56,570
It's busted.

221
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:59,039
The bride is
taking a "schnooze."

222
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:02,075
She asked me to stand watch
so that no one disturbs her.

223
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,677
I'll be quick.

224
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:04,745
You will be dead.

225
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,614
I used to wrestle
in Leipzig.

226
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:07,715
You know what?

227
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:08,749
A note's redundant.

228
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,283
You're not there.
He gets it.

229
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,686
No, you were right,
I have to leave a note.

230
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:13,787
It's common courtesy.

231
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,723
Well, it's not
gonna be possible

232
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,691
with Andrea the Giant
standing guard up there.

233
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,760
Oh, right, Klaus's sister.

234
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,528
It's too bad
Barney's not here.

235
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,864
Man, he lives
for bridesmaids.

236
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,465
Right, but he's not.

237
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,601
And it's not like he could
seduce Uta over the phone.

238
00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:31,138
Challenge accepted!

239
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,240
Honey, it's not cheating
if it's on the phone, right?

240
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:34,241
Say what now?

241
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:35,242
Quinn's on board!

242
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,243
Text me her number!

243
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:40,147
You filthy, disgusting man!

244
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:43,984
But yes, I will do that to
myself at your instruction.

245
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,653
Let me find a broom closet.

246
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,157
Oh, ja, good.

247
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,571
I did it. I did it!

248
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,639
You're amazing.

249
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:07,274
Let's get out of here.

250
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,714
I left the car keys
in the dressing room.

251
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:17,517
Pretty sure the door
locked behind me.

252
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:20,688
(car horn beeping)

253
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:23,657
Oh, God... Oh, God...
Oh, God...

254
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:26,159
I found it kind of insulting
that Barney doesn't

255
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:27,828
think we can
keep this secret.

256
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:30,998
I mean, yeah, Marvin's
keeping us up all night.

257
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:34,334
But he's still the prettiest
little girl in the city.

258
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,138
Baby, did you
just hear yourself?

259
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:41,775
You said, "Prettiest
little girl in the city."

260
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:42,976
I think you meant "country."

261
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:45,145
Yeah.

262
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:46,613
I mean, what
does Barney think?

263
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,615
We're just gonna blurt out
that he used to date...

264
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:49,649
Shh!

265
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:53,787
Oh... that was close.

266
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:55,322
Quinn could've heard
us through the...

267
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,690
(mouthing)

268
00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,125
Good catch!

269
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:01,862
I almost just blurted out
that Barney used to date Robin!

270
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,296
Barney used
to date Robin?!

271
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,297
(screaming)

272
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,633
(baby crying)

273
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,201
When did you get in here?

274
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,403
Like, ten minutes ago
when you said,

275
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,840
"Hey Quinn, let's all go hang
out in Marvin's room."

276
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:17,044
Aufwiedersehen, fraulein.

277
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,179
You know, I hate
to perpetuate the stereotype,

278
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:23,817
but German female wrestlers from
Saxony are just begging for it.

279
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:24,852
You dated Robin?

280
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,520
Verdammt!

281
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,062
I'm sorry I lied to you.
I'll tell you everything.

282
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,596
The whole story.
Fine. You have one minute

283
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:37,865
before I walk out that door.

284
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,734
Um, it's, uh, kind
of a long story, Quinn.

285
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,202
Gonna take a bit little
longer than a minute.

286
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:43,871
52 seconds.

287
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,906
Seven years ago, when Marshall
and Lily got engaged,

288
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:48,108
Ted saw Robin across a crowded
room, and I said, "Oh, yeah,

289
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,877
you just know she likes it
dirty," but Ted really liked her

290
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,511
so we played
"Have you met Ted?"

291
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,113
They went to dinner, he walked
her home, shoulda kissed her,

292
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:54,714
didn't-- lame-- so he stole
a smurf penis, went back

293
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:55,949
to her place, should've kissed
her, didn't-- lame.

294
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:57,751
He threw three parties,
they kissed on the roof,

295
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:58,919
but decided to be friends--
lame--

296
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:00,520
then Ted wanted to
take Robin to a wedding,

297
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,889
she couldn't go, he went alone
and met Victoria,

298
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,623
didn't kiss her either-- lame--
not a great closer, Ted--

299
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,558
but he finally kissed her,
they started dating,

300
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,460
she went to Germany, Ted kissed
Robin, lost Victoria,

301
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,596
Ted did a rain dance, got Robin,
Ted and Robin broke up,

302
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,464
Robin moved to Brazil,
came back with a Latin stud,

303
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,366
Ted got jealous, got a tramp
stamp, not really relevant

304
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,902
to the story I just like
mentioning that

305
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,636
as much as possible, I hooked up
with Robin, Ted and I stopped

306
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:18,138
being friends, Ted got hit
by a bus, we made up...

307
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,741
Robin and I started dating,
I got fat, her hair fell out.

308
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,076
We broke up, Robin dated Don,
I dated Nora,

309
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,311
cheated on her with Robin,
I dumped Nora,

310
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,745
Robin dated Kevin,
but not for long,

311
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:26,780
and then I met you and you took
my grandpa's watch

312
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,048
but I fell in love
with you anyway,

313
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,449
and you let me fart in front of
you and I asked you to marry me

314
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:30,918
and you said yes and we came
over here to meet little Marvin

315
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,619
and that's everything!

316
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:34,822
Also I went on the Price Is
Right and won a dune buggy.

317
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,591
Goodbye, Barney.

318
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,493
Good... I j...

319
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,964
She lets you fart
in front of her?

320
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:45,765
MARSHALL:
Barney...

321
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:48,802
you go get that girl.

322
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:05,585
Oh, God!

323
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,320
You cannot tell anyone
that you saw me.

324
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:08,488
I cannot get married today!

325
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,489
Klaus?

326
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,158
Oh, I'm a mess.

327
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,626
I threw up in the cloakroom,
I blamed a small child.

328
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:14,627
I cannot get married.

329
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:15,929
I left a note.

330
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,264
Good for you.
Not everyone thinks of that.

331
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,265
Who doesn't leave a note?

332
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,266
It's common courtesy.

333
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,968
Thank you!

334
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,936
Do you have the time?
Um...

335
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,104
Yeah, it's 20 after 7:00.

336
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,205
Ah, sehr gut.

337
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,107
I can still make
the 8:05 back to the city.

338
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,842
Auf wiedersehen!

339
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:30,110
NARRATOR:
And suddenly it hit me:

340
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:33,813
a way to absolve
Victoria of any blame.

341
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:37,184
All I had to do
was climb that drainpipe.

342
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:05,879
What?
No, Klaus, no.

343
00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:09,883
(melodramatic weeping)

344
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:20,527
Mach schnell, sleepyhead,
it's time to...

345
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,995
I know about
you and Barney.

346
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:24,097
(Marshall gasps)
Who told her?!

347
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,698
You guys did.

348
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:27,734
God, go to sleep.

349
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:31,738
Okay, no one is going anywhere
until we find out who told you.

350
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,006
Look...

351
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:36,043
there is nothing going on
between me and Robin.

352
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,911
And why should
I believe that?

353
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:39,846
Well, for starters,
I have a boyfriend.

354
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,249
No, Robin, you don't
have to do this.

355
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,683
There've been enough lies.

356
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,085
I'm not lying.

357
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,586
His name is Nick.

358
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,922
I didn't want to jinx it
by telling everyone,

359
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:50,958
so I just told
Marshall and Lily.

360
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,092
You can tell 'em, guys.

361
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,930
We were just talking
about this earlier today.

362
00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:59,532
ROBIN: Okay, well,
what I was saying is...

363
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:02,735
(water burbling)

364
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:06,106
I have no desire to get Barney
back because I'm with Nick now

365
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:09,042
and, well, I don't
want to be crude,

366
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:12,980
but I want to spend
all day licking his abs.

367
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:13,981
Do you understand?

368
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:16,083
Yes! God, yes!

369
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:19,052
You are preaching
to the choir, sister.

370
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,920
I stand by it.

371
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:23,490
Guys, it's okay.

372
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:24,491
You're new parents.

373
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:25,758
You just need
to get some sleep.

374
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,494
We're fine!

375
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,496
(baby crying)

376
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,497
(Marshall and Lily crying)

377
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,065
This is hard, guys.

378
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,833
Really hard.

379
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,904
(crying, then snoring)

380
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,172
Oh, God!
Stay with me.

381
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:40,207
Stay with me.

382
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,111
Go get your baby. Yeah.

383
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:48,915
Look, it doesn't matter
that you have a boyfriend.

384
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,084
I'm always gonna
be wondering if you secretly

385
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,919
still have feelings
for Barney.

386
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,687
I don't care
who this guy is.

387
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,059
Okay, we're good.

388
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,628
Okay, well,

389
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:05,132
I'm glad I left
work early for this.

390
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,599
Robin, maybe later we can
discuss the meaning

391
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,868
of the word "emergency"
and the phrase

392
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,037
"Trapped under a car."

393
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:11,504
Okay.
Okay.

394
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,346
You know he
has chicken legs.

395
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:22,115
Little tiny chicken legs.

396
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,516
You guys saw those, right?

397
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:25,852
Honey, it's not cheating
if I lie down on the bar

398
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,054
and let Nick do a shot
from my belly button, right?

399
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,055
Say what now?

400
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,156
Barney's on board!

401
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,091
Nick, hold on!

402
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:36,329
Thanks for your
help today.

403
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,165
Yeah, sure.

404
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:42,969
Although, it, uh, kind of
sucked seeing how easy it was

405
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:46,073
for you to throw away everything
from our relationship.

406
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:46,973
(scoffs)

407
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:50,177
I... I could never do that.

408
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,585
622 West 14th Street.

409
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:07,194
NARRATOR: And so, Victoria and I
were back where we started.

410
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:10,797
But there was something I
couldn't get off my mind...

411
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,268
I'll be right back.

412
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:22,175
Uh, excuse me.

413
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,043
Oh, hey, it's you.

414
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,679
Ja, okay, I'm not sure
what kind of vibe

415
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,248
I was giving off before,
but I am not interested

416
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:29,282
in your schnitzel, okay?

417
00:17:29,316 --> 00:17:31,551
No, no, no, no, no-- God, no.

418
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,121
I-I just have
one quick question:

419
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,089
Victoria seems
like a great girl.

420
00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:39,126
Why wouldn't you
want to marry her?

421
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,428
Ach, okay,
Victoria is wunderbar.

422
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,263
I'm sorry, wunderbar is the
German word for wonderful.

423
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,464
Yeah, no, I know.

424
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:45,565
Oh, you speak German?

425
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,900
(Klaus speaking in German)

426
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:48,901
No...

427
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,370
No, no, no...

428
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,939
No, just-just-just the one word.

429
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:54,107
Oh. Oh.

430
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:57,610
Ah... Okay, Victoria.

431
00:17:57,644 --> 00:18:01,248
There is a word in German:
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz.

432
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,782
And the closest
translation would be...

433
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:06,119
"Lifelong Treasure of Destiny."

434
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,122
And Victoria is wunderbar,

435
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,924
but she is not my
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz.

436
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:14,060
She is my
Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand,

437
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,295
you know?

438
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,630
You know wunderbar

439
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:19,232
but you don't know
Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand?

440
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:21,468
That is something we
learn in kindergarten.

441
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,270
I'm sorry, "kindergarten"
is the German word for--

442
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:24,937
No, no, I know that one.

443
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,273
Oh, okay.

444
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:27,440
But you don't know
Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand?

445
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:29,276
You are maddeningly
inconsistent.

446
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,444
It means...

447
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:35,315
"the thing that is almost
the thing that you want...

448
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,318
...but it's not quite."

449
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,821
Das ist Victoria to me.

450
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,991
How do you know she's not
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz?

451
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:47,327
I mean, maybe as the years
go by, she'll get

452
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,263
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz
-ier.

453
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,031
Oh, nein, nein, nein.

454
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,201
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz
is not something

455
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:55,468
that develops over time.

456
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:59,306
It is something that
happens instantaneously.

457
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,442
It courses through you

458
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:05,144
like the water of a river
after a storm...

459
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,148
...filling you and emptying
you all at once.

460
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:21,228
You feel it
throughout your body...

461
00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:26,633
* Coming up only
In your hands...

462
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,369
* To show you wrong
in your heart...

463
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,939
in your stomach...

464
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:38,311
* And to know you is hard
...in your skin...

465
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,979
* We wonder

466
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,014
Of course you feel it in your
Schlauchmachendejungen.

467
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,350
Pardon my French.

468
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,219
Have you ever felt
this way about someone?

469
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:50,089
Yeah, I think so.

470
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:52,559
If you have to think about it,
you have not felt it.

471
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:56,095
And you're absolutely sure
you'll find that someday?

472
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:57,430
Of course.

473
00:19:57,464 --> 00:19:59,031
Everyone does eventually.

474
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:03,169
You just never
know when or where.

475
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,037
NARRATOR:
And he was right.

476
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:08,074
Unfortunately, the "when"
of it was still

477
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:10,109
a little ways down the road.

478
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,580
But the "where" of it?

479
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:15,382
(thunder crashes)

480
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:17,284
* Really too late to call

481
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:21,921
* So we wait for

482
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:27,394
* Morning to wake you
is all we got *

483
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,562
Yeah, there's your change.

484
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:31,331
Oh, and don't
forget your guitar.

485
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:41,341
* To know me as hardly golden

486
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:48,948
* Is to know me all wrong,
they warn *

487
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:55,655
* Ooh, ooh

488
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:58,691
* Ooh-ooh-ooh...