1 00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,671 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, this is the story... 2 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:06,074 of a wedding day that went horribly wrong. 3 00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:09,077 Ted, the bride wants to see you. 4 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:13,414 Uncle Barney was getting married. 5 00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,484 How the hell did we get there? 6 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,589 I love the name Marvin. 7 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:22,890 Marv. 8 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,025 Sounds like a little middle-aged man. 9 00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:27,061 Golf next weekend, Marv? 10 00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,796 How's that tax report comin', Marv? 11 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:32,366 At your age, erectile dysfunction is nothing to be ashamed of, Marv. 12 00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,237 It was a beautiful moment. 13 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,472 But then a thought popped into my head, kids-- 14 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,441 the same thought that will pop into your heads... 15 00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:43,677 the first time you see your best friend holding their baby. 16 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,213 [ Stapler Clicks ] 17 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,482 Wonder how much this would hurt. 18 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,852 [ Clicks ] [ Screams ] 19 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:53,854 "That guy's a dad." 20 00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:55,689 [ Screams ] 21 00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,258 [ Crying ] Oh. 22 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,992 I think he's hungry. 23 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,628 We'll give you some privacy. 24 00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:05,233 Wow. Seeing them in there, all together like that-- 25 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,168 They're a family, you know? 26 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,836 That's what I want. 27 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:12,706 - Oh, Ted. I'm glad we're friends again. - Me too. 28 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:15,276 Because as your friend, I have to tell you-- 29 00:01:15,343 --> 00:01:17,411 you're full of crap. 30 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:20,914 You say you want a family. You say you want to meet "the one." 31 00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:24,785 - But you are always chasing the wrong women. - That is not true. 32 00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:26,520 Look at the women you date, starting with me. 33 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,657 I told you right away I didn't want marriage or kids. 34 00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:33,361 Stella had a child with another man, who she still loved. 35 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:36,997 Zoey was married and trying to sabotage your career... 36 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:39,200 and wore a lot of stupid hats. 37 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:42,136 Hats were in that year. Kind of. 38 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,671 Name one exception. 39 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:48,276 Victoria. Victoria was great. 40 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:51,812 Exactly. And you threw it all away to chase after some hot piece of ass. 41 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,481 - [ Scoffs ] - You mean you? 42 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,048 Thank you. 43 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:59,220 Victoria is the only woman you've dated who could have been the one. 44 00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:00,854 You should call her. 45 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,824 Tiny thing-- the last time I saw her, she was getting engaged. 46 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:07,127 That was eight months ago. For all you know, she's single again. 47 00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:08,996 - What if she's married? - What if she's not? 48 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:13,401 Then you would actually have a chance to get what you say you want, and it terrifies you. 49 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,236 [ Sighs ] 50 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:17,305 Whoa. What's wrong? 51 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,840 I ruined things with Quinn. 52 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:23,411 I insisted she stop stripping. We got in a huge fight about it. 53 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:27,315 Then I ran off to Atlantic City for two days without calling. 54 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,617 What the hell am I coming home to? 55 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,556 Let's have an eight-way with my six hottest stripper friends. 56 00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:39,493 - Um, how is that a punishment? - Wait for it. 57 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,729 But I forbid you from filming it with your overhead camera... 58 00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:44,164 that zooms in on whoever is being the loudest. 59 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:49,703 Nooo! 60 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,772 [ Shudders ] No, that's too cruel. 61 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:55,643 Or, you know, maybe Quinn's moved out. 62 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,746 I didn't even think of that. 63 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,448 [ Sighs ] 64 00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:08,856 Welcome home. 65 00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:12,460 I decided the place was a bit too American Psycho for me. 66 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,296 So while you were gone, I hired a decorator, 67 00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:19,900 and I asked him, "What would the inside of Tinker Bell's vagina look like?" 68 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,935 And the kid just ran with it. 69 00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,806 So, what do you think? 70 00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,443 Thank God you're still here. 71 00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,748 Welcome home. 72 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:40,488 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 73 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,757 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 74 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,198 ** [ Ends ] 75 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,767 [ Ted Narrating ] Lily and Marshall asked Robin to be the photographer... 76 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:57,671 for baby Marvin's birth announcement card instead of me. 77 00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,708 Whatever. The only problem? 78 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:04,445 [ Shutter Clicking ] 79 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:11,585 Okay. How about this? Tomorrow, we go to Central Park at sunset... 80 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,755 and we get the perfect picture in the perfect setting. 81 00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:19,192 Oh, I like that. It'll be Marvin's first outing into the world. 82 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,628 You're gonna love the park, buddy. 83 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:23,030 It's a great place to meet chicks. 84 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,132 Or dudes. 85 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,266 Or both. 86 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:29,002 Oh. We love you, no matter what. 87 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:32,506 [ Ted Narrating ] And, kids, as I watched your Aunt Lily hold her baby boy, 88 00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:34,442 another thought popped into my head. 89 00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,777 Even though you didn't buy anything, 90 00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:39,713 I want to thank you for coming in. 91 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,416 Here's a free teddy bear. What are you gonna name the little guy? 92 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:45,519 Uh-- Six-pack. 93 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:50,924 - [ Tires Screech ] - Gun it, bitches! 94 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,893 "That girl's a mom." 95 00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,565 [ Cell Phone Chimes ] 96 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:04,505 Okay. So I met this girl on the train, and I texted her "What's up?" 97 00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:07,174 She texted "Hey!"-- exclamation point. 98 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,510 Does that mean "Ask me out" or-- 99 00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:15,015 Ted, we are responsible for a whole other human life now. 100 00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:20,388 So new rule-- you can't come to us with any issue unless it's an eight or higher. 101 00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:24,992 Got it. So I'm thinking of texting back a winky smiley face-- 102 00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,760 Eight or higher, bro. 103 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,029 - What should I-- - Eight or higher, bro. 104 00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:31,565 - Yeah, I'm just wondering if I-- - Eight or higher, bro. 105 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:34,067 Well, where do you rate this? 106 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:37,438 This is the same as what's in little Marvin's pants right now. 107 00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:39,039 A soft two. 108 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,343 Sorry. 109 00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:47,080 Stop texting the bimbo and call Victoria. 110 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:50,518 That chapter's over. We just weren't destined to be together. 111 00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:55,589 Destined? Aren't you tired of waiting for destiny, Ted? 112 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,426 Isn't it time to make your own destiny? 113 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,430 Hey. False alarm. 114 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,231 What I was smelling was the previous poop, 115 00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:09,069 which apparently is still somewhere on my clothes and/or in my hair. 116 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,872 Hold him. Oh. 117 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,541 Could you? 118 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:16,744 - Gotta-- [ Groans ] - Yeah. Smart. 119 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,279 [ Shutter Clicks ] 120 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,715 Oh, sure. That one turns out great. 121 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,986 [ Ted Narrating ] And then another thought popped into my head. 122 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,989 "That guy's nowhere near being a dad." 123 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,395 [ Line Rings ] 124 00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:37,865 [ Woman ] Hello? Hey-- [ Clears Throat ] 125 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,433 Victoria, it's Ted. 126 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,735 Um-- Listen, I was just wondering... 127 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,704 if you wanted to catch up some time. 128 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:46,940 It's been a while. That sounds nice. 129 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,577 I'm actually around this afternoon. 130 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,612 Oh. Wow. Uh, great. 131 00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:57,084 MacLaren's at 2:00? Is 1:30 okay? I might have a thing later. 132 00:06:57,150 --> 00:07:00,153 Yeah. Yeah, see you then. See you then. 133 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,957 [ Ted Narrating ] Meanwhile, Barney and Quinn were off to Hawaii... 134 00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,893 for their first getaway as a couple. 135 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,028 Ma'am, I need you to open your suitcase. 136 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,630 [ Sighs ] It's mine. 137 00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:11,732 Did you have to replace my luggage too? 138 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,868 Run away on me again, you'll be wearing hot pink stilettos. 139 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,506 - What's that? - Yeah, what is that? 140 00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:20,841 It's a magic trick. 141 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,876 You see, I'm something of a magician. 142 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:26,246 - Open the box, sir. - [ Chuckles ] Oh, I can't do that. 143 00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:28,549 [ Barking ] 144 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,183 Sir, are there drugs in that box? 145 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,654 Oh, no. He's probably just barking because of the explosives. 146 00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:35,989 [ Gasps ] Oh, my God. 147 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,158 Tell us what's in the box right now. 148 00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:41,729 I can't. Magician's code. 149 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:46,299 [ Thinking ] Okay, I need to figure out if Victoria ever got engaged. 150 00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,969 I'll have to very subtly check for an engagement ring. 151 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,475 Hmm. Can't see the left hand. 152 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,482 Open the box now. 153 00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:05,986 I can't. Magician's code. 154 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:07,755 What the hell is the magician's code? 155 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,791 A magician never reveals his tricks. 156 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:15,663 Mr. Flanagan, my magic mentor from the hallowed Staten Island Mall magic shop, 157 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:21,201 taught me the importance of the code one fateful autumn night in 1993. 158 00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,070 [ Footsteps ] Hello? 159 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:27,174 Mr. Flanagan? What are you doin' here? 160 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,776 Um-- 161 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,443 I'm checking up on you, 162 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:35,082 just to make sure you're practicing your craft or whatever. 163 00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,585 That is an honor, sir. 164 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:40,253 And, yeah, I promise I'm practicing. 165 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,655 But wait. 166 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,857 Why were you going to my mom's room? 167 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,393 Uh-- Your mom's actually helping me with a new trick. 168 00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,796 That is so cool. 169 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,264 What is this trick? Is it sawing a lady in half? 170 00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,432 [ Chuckles ] 171 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:53,934 Well, not sawing. 172 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,936 But actually the magician's code... 173 00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:59,339 forbids me from telling you anything else about the trick. 174 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:01,642 [ Loretta ] Wayne, come back to bed. 175 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,377 Okay, it involves a bed. 176 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:08,381 Wait, wait, wait. Can you at least tell me the name of this trick? 177 00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,250 Sure, kid. 178 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,152 It's called-- 179 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,054 the Disappearing Salami. 180 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,324 Mr. Flanagan's wife shot him... 181 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,427 before he could ever tell me what the trick was. 182 00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:21,929 Yeah, that guy was banging your mom. 183 00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,496 - [ Guard ] Yep. - [ Guard #2 ] Totally. 184 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,699 Mr. Flanagan was not bang-- 185 00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,935 Oh, my God. He was. 186 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:31,171 Wait. Why are you bringing a magic trick to Hawaii anyway? 187 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,740 [ Exhales ] 188 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:36,509 I was hoping to shoot up to Honolulu for the Worldwide Magic Convention. 189 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:40,447 Don't worry. You'd never notice I was gone. It's only three 14-hour days. 190 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:44,652 So on our romantic getaway to help me forget about you skipping town on me, 191 00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,519 you're skipping town on me? 192 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,656 Look, Quinn. 193 00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,758 You're very important to me, 194 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:54,662 but you share my heart with an equally important miss. 195 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,964 Mis-- 196 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,001 ...direction. 197 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:04,504 What? How-- 198 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,239 Shoot him. 199 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:08,876 So, what'd you order? 200 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,344 Oh, just black coffee. 201 00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,647 - I like it that way too. - Yeah, it just tastes better to me. 202 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,416 I find that if the coffee beans are good enough, you really don't need-- 203 00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:18,551 Why are you in a wedding dress? 204 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,854 Well-- 205 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:24,457 I'm sort of supposed to get married today. 206 00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:27,828 All your friends and family are waiting for you in some church right now? 207 00:10:27,895 --> 00:10:31,131 Well, not all. We had five last-minute no-shows. 208 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,733 Well, six. 209 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,669 Mazel tov, Ted. 210 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:38,138 I was starting to think this would never happen. 211 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:40,640 No, Mrs. Matsen. We're not-- I told you he wasn't gay. 212 00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,342 Wait, what? 213 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:45,312 I was tempted to leave Klaus for you last fall. 214 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:48,682 The only thing holding me back was the Robin of it all. 215 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,183 I know, and you were right. 216 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,152 But that's all over now. She moved out. 217 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:55,222 We're still friends, but that's over. 218 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:58,926 All these years, I never stopped thinking about you, Ted. 219 00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,062 I've got a car outside, 220 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:05,398 if you're ready to drive off into the sunset together. 221 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:09,269 But if you don't feel the same way-- 222 00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:13,106 if you've closed the door on us-- 223 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:16,309 just say the word and I'll go. 224 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,880 Barney, tell them the trick. 225 00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:23,083 The only person I could possibly reveal the trick to is another magician. 226 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,553 Well, I'm a magician. 227 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,188 Prove it. 228 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:37,064 [ All Gasp ] 229 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,874 [ Ted Narrating ] That's Barney's version. 230 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,842 Quinn said it was a simple card trick. 231 00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,944 Who's to say which version was true? 232 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:53,146 Quinn's. Quinn's version was true. 233 00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:57,450 Okay. I'll tell you. 234 00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,288 [ Whispering, Indistinct ] 235 00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,190 Oh, that's really cool. 236 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,059 So what's the trick? 237 00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,028 I can't say. Magician's code. 238 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:10,730 [ Gasps ] Ta-da! 239 00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:13,366 [ Electricity Crackles ] [ Babbling ] 240 00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,235 [ Cell Phone Rings ] 241 00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,203 Hello. 242 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,906 Why did you make me call Victoria? 243 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,607 She's here in a wedding dress. 244 00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,642 I'm on the verge of ruining a wedding. 245 00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,077 And Mrs. Matsen's friend thinks I'm gay, 246 00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:25,879 but let's put a pin in that till later. 247 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:28,015 Oh, my God. Victoria's at the bar with Ted. 248 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,984 - That's a seven. - And she's in a wedding dress. 249 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:33,120 That's a 10. 250 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:34,888 We got a 10! 251 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,391 - What are you gonna do? - Where is she right now? 252 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,361 So this dress, what's the cut? Are we talking princess, ball gown, column? 253 00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,698 Right, 'cause it's a federal crime to love weddings. 254 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:49,736 She's in the bathroom, which I guess takes forever with that giant poofy skirt thing. 255 00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:52,072 Ball gown. Thank you. 256 00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:53,974 - Four shots of tequila. - Ted, calm down. 257 00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:56,409 Or not. This is your chance to get the one who got away. 258 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,511 You want her, she wants you. What's the problem? 259 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,481 The problem is Victoria's in the middle of a giant freak-out. 260 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,984 What if she winds up regretting this decision? 261 00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:05,953 She's going after Ted Mosby. 262 00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:08,321 That's the best decision she's ever made. 263 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:09,923 Here you go. 264 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,461 [ Shutter Clicks ] 265 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,230 - What was that? - What? 266 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,900 You said you wanted a picture of baby Marvin's first outing. 267 00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,471 Our baby's first outing was to a bar. 268 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:28,408 [ Gasps ] I dribbled Cuervo on Marv's soft spot. 269 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,477 - Here she comes. Quick. - [ Muttering ] 270 00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:34,147 Eggshell or cream? Is it eggshell or cream? 271 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:40,387 So-- You, me, riding off into the sunset. 272 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,855 Any thoughts? 273 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:45,325 One question. 274 00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:48,195 F.D.R. or West Side Highway-- what's the quickest way to the sunset? 275 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,003 I need to ask you both a few questions. 276 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:59,672 - Let's start with you. Name? - Quinn Garvey. 277 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:02,275 - Occupation? - Unemployed. 278 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,978 Well, well, well. Look who's keeping secrets now. 279 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,414 Sir, I'll tell you her occupation-- stripper. 280 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:11,518 She insists she's proud of it, but apparently not proud enough to tell you. 281 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:15,855 Barney, I was going to surprise you with this on our trip, but-- 282 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,457 I quit. 283 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,728 You did that for me? 284 00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,096 Yes. 285 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:25,665 And now that you know what I did for you... 286 00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:28,035 and how much I care for you, 287 00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,437 would you please show him the trick? 288 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:38,211 Sorry. Magician's code. 289 00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,717 Where should we go? 290 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:47,087 Your place? My place? 291 00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:49,822 We could go on my honeymoon. [ Laughs ] 292 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,225 Just kidding. Although it is paid for. 293 00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,964 - I know where we should go. - Where? 294 00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:59,666 Your wedding. I'm taking you back. 295 00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:10,877 I don't understand. I thought you wanted this. 296 00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:12,645 I do want this. 297 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:18,151 I've thought about you so many times-- what might have been. 298 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:21,021 But I got left at the altar, and it nearly killed me. 299 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:26,426 You're someone's fiancée, and I have to respect that. 300 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,362 So let's hit a motel, jam in a quickie and get you back to your wedding. 301 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,299 [ Laughs ] It's the right thing to do. 302 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,535 Some part of me needed to hear you say... 303 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,537 that running away together wasn't an option. 304 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:42,342 And now that I know that, it's like I'm sobering up. 305 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:49,016 Is there any way that we can just pretend this never happened? 306 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,252 This never happened. 307 00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,327 Mr. Flanagan wasn't banging my mom. 308 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,997 Well. Your flight left. 309 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,365 [ Groans ] 310 00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:09,002 We need to hold Mr. Stinson for further questioning. 311 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,038 But you're free to go. 312 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,875 Maybe I should. 313 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,077 Wait. 314 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,448 I'll show you the trick. 315 00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:30,523 Sir. May I please have the silk handkerchief in your top left breast pocket? 316 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,192 I don't have-- 317 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,728 [ Chuckles ] I-- 318 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,297 [ Clears Throat ] 319 00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:47,040 Sim sala bim. 320 00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,142 Sim sala bim. 321 00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:53,646 [ All Gasp ] Relax, relax. It's part of the trick. 322 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:55,448 How did you get that through the X-ray machine? 323 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,617 No questions from the audience, please. 324 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:03,790 [ Gibberish ] 325 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,229 Uh-- 326 00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:14,801 - What is that? - Madam, may I please have the key on your necklace? 327 00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,804 Oh! [ Chuckles ] 328 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,144 [ Beeping ] 329 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:26,913 - Is that gonna explode? - What? 330 00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:29,048 [ Quinn Yelps ] 331 00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:32,419 [ Coughs, Clears Throat ] 332 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,554 [ Gasps ] 333 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:35,788 What? 334 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,583 [ Shouts ] Will you marry me? 335 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,553 Yes. 336 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:16,696 Come on, guys. We're losing the light for baby's second first outing. 337 00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,842 [ Ted Narrating ] I hate to say it, but Robin nailed it. 338 00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:35,448 - Hey. - Guys, we've got something to tell you. 339 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:38,685 - Eight or higher, bro. - We're engaged. 340 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,421 That's a-- That's a 10. 341 00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:44,424 We got another 10. Wow, big day. 342 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:46,659 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 343 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,196 How did this happen? 344 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,431 Oh. Magic. 345 00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,967 Oh. Uh, not to ruin the moment, 346 00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:58,738 but apparently little Marvin was quite stunned by the news. 347 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:00,940 Little-- 348 00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,642 [ Sniffs ] Yeah. Yeah. 349 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:06,246 Do you guys mind recounting this romantic tale next to a Diaper Genie? 350 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:11,083 Oh, Marvin. You're about to hear your first love story. 351 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:15,522 Once upon a time, this creepy magic dude was boning Barney's mom. 352 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,626 [ Deep Breath ] 353 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,096 So, last chance to run away together. Door's right there. 354 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,865 Yes. Start a new life. 355 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,267 Head for the border. Canada. 356 00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,236 Eh, Mexico. Canada sucks. 357 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:30,703 Well, you're one-quarter Canadian, 358 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,672 so, by that logic, you one-quarter suck. 359 00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:35,542 I'm 100% awesome, and you know it. 360 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:37,910 Yeah, I do. 361 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,249 Mmm. 362 00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:45,585 Look, I hope this isn't weird or anything, because-- 363 00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:49,956 Barney. I'm-- I'm really happy for you. 364 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:54,527 Really? Really. 365 00:19:58,398 --> 00:19:59,799 [ Man ] * Where I'll end up * 366 00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:03,336 * Well, I think only God really knows * 367 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,539 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 368 00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:11,110 * I've sat upon the setting sun * 369 00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:13,580 * But never, never, never * 370 00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,948 You just drove right by the church. 371 00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:17,950 I know. 372 00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:20,219 * I never wanted water once * 373 00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:23,690 * No, never, never, never * 374 00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:36,002 * I listen to my words, but they fall far below * 375 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:40,106 The road to this day has had a few twists and turns, hasn't it? 376 00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:41,674 Yeah, just a few. 377 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,412 In a weird way, it all makes sense though, doesn't it? 378 00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:48,047 Yeah. 379 00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,582 Yeah, it kind of does. 380 00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:52,385 * I swam upon the devil's lake * 381 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:56,323 * But never, never, never, never-- ** 382 00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:58,558 The bride wants to see me?