1 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,905 So how's livin' alone? You know, it's interesting. 2 00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:08,609 When I first moved into my new apartment, I was nervous. 3 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,680 For the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a roommate. 4 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,482 But then it hit me. 5 00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:18,352 For the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a roommate! 6 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:25,093 If I want to walk around naked, nobody cares. 7 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:28,162 If I want to leave the laundry basket in the middle of the living room, 8 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:30,698 nobody stops me. 9 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:34,034 If I bring home soup from the deli and leave it in the fridge for two days, 10 00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:36,003 nobody eats it. 11 00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:38,606 And if I do something colossally stupid, 12 00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,974 nobody ever has to know! 13 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:44,712 [ High-pitched Yelping, Whimpering ] 14 00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:48,549 People make fun of a guy who stays home every night doing nothing, 15 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:52,786 but the truth is that guy's a genius. 16 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:54,522 Because let's be honest-- 17 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:58,058 sitting around watching TV, drinking beer and eating ribs alone... 18 00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:02,230 is what every red-blooded American would rather be doing at all times. 19 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:07,301 Yeah, but wouldn't it be better to have someone to share the-- 20 00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,670 I mean, don't you get lonely without-- 21 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,806 Yeah, that sounds pretty great. 22 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,376 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 23 00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:18,746 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 24 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:25,719 ** [ Ends ] 25 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:29,290 "What's the best thing about dating a stripper?" you ask. 26 00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:31,859 Nope. Just asked for your drink order. 27 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,462 - I'll tell you the best thing about dating a stripper. - He'll have a Scotch. 28 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:37,565 Getting to say, "Hey, I'm dating a stripper." 29 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,066 And I should go. 30 00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,768 Time to make the doughnuts. 31 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:43,504 More like time to make some dough sittin' on some nuts. 32 00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:45,706 [ Chuckling ] She's a stripper. I'm dating her. 33 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,741 I'm dating a stripper. Barney wins. I'll walk you out. 34 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,411 Hey, where you goin'? 35 00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,012 Quinn needs to get to work. She's a-- 36 00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:54,081 I know. A stripper. Got it. 37 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,049 Hey, taxi! [ Whistles ] 38 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,452 My girlfriend's a stripper! 39 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:02,290 So, Ted, guess where we're having dinner Friday night. 40 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,792 Chez L'Argent. I am so excited. 41 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:07,195 We've been trying forever to get this reservation. 42 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,197 Can you hold on for just one second? 43 00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,399 What the hell are you doing? Nothing. 44 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,334 Did you say you had to pee? 45 00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:16,504 No. But, yeah, I do have to pee. 46 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:19,407 Man, this kid better be real frickin' cute. 47 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,211 What was that all about? 48 00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:25,713 Lily had a sex dream last night. 49 00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:26,647 [ Bullet Ricochets ] 50 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,115 Sex dream? Do tell. 51 00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:31,585 I was painting the baby furniture. 52 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:35,155 Oh, yeah. 53 00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:38,492 Oh, yeah. 54 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,894 Hurry up before Marshall gets home. 55 00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:45,399 Oh! Oh, yeah. 56 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:46,967 [ Moaning ] [ Loud Clang ] 57 00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:51,272 Oh! Sorry, baby. Were you asleep? 58 00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:53,674 All pregnant ladies have crazy sex dreams. 59 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:56,610 It's-- It's just her hormones going berserk. 60 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,347 So who's responsible for her rapid thigh movement this time? 61 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,815 Oh, my favorite was when she banged George Washington. 62 00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,718 I liked the three-way with Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf. 63 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:07,120 Oh, he smurfed the smurf out of her. 64 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,823 Yes, while the Cos smurfed off in the corner. We all remember. 65 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,259 But here's the thing. 66 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:15,796 When Lily has dirty dreams about other people, she always tells me. 67 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,331 But this time-- 68 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:21,335 Sounds like you had a crazy dream. 69 00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,604 What was it about? 70 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:30,143 And then her face turned... 71 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,179 vermilion. 72 00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:37,685 Just you and me gettin' it on... 73 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,287 monogamously. 74 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:43,591 Monoga-- Me, oh, my! 75 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:48,228 Not the rose quartz of the slightly embarrassed... 76 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:51,131 or the tomato red of the mildly abashed. 77 00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:54,568 Vermilion-- the color of carnal shame. 78 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,538 It can only mean one thing. 79 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,409 Lily dream-banged someone we know. 80 00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,811 Okay. You caught me vermilion-handed. 81 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:07,448 The truth is I've spent the last five years... 82 00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:10,150 trying to inception your wife. 83 00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:11,985 That movie only came out two years ago. 84 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,222 What movie? 85 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:17,725 You know who I bet it is? Robin. [ Gasps ] 86 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,527 Already checked. 87 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:23,163 Lily and I paid her a visit at the new World Wide News headquarters. 88 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:26,133 And I'm so excited because I've been trying months to get this reservation. 89 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:27,735 Can you hold on just one second? 90 00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,937 What the hell are you doing? Nothing. 91 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,172 Nice photo. 92 00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,207 Your passport must be enormous. 93 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,144 [ Chuckling ] Oh, you know, 94 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,413 for the record, I didn't want this. 95 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,582 Didn't want it. Did not approve it. 96 00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:44,151 [ Laughing ] Super embarrassing. 97 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:46,554 Hey, Merle. 98 00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,957 So, do you guys want to come up and see my desk? 99 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,158 Yeah. Why not? 100 00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:52,893 Come on. 101 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,261 I.D. 102 00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:57,064 Oh. Um, that is me. 103 00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:01,001 Ma'am, with all due respect, you're a wee bit older than that hottie. 104 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,337 [ Scoffs ] For God's sakes. 105 00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:07,007 You know, here I am, on national TV every day, 106 00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:11,178 and still a guy who spends his whole life sitting next to a giant picture of me... 107 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,446 has no idea who I am. 108 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,147 This isn't my whole life. 109 00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:16,316 I'm in a band, and we're gonna make it. 110 00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:19,920 [ Ted Narrating ] And, kids, they did make it, but I'll get to that later. 111 00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:23,624 You know what? I'm probably not gonna get to that later. 112 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:26,960 They had one song. It didn't suck. The end. 113 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:29,597 You always said it wasn't about being famous. 114 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,965 You just want to do solid journalism, right? 115 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:35,068 Yeah, well-- Of course I want to be famous! 116 00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:37,971 In Canada, I was Robin Sparkles. I was a cabinhold name. 117 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,440 But here-- 118 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:42,342 Don't need to see your I.D., Merle. Everyone knows who you are. 119 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:43,811 You're Merle. 120 00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,813 Because of one skit in the Christmas party! 121 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:49,550 [ Sighs ] Uh, by the way, how is Ted doing? 122 00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,519 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, you remember what happened. 123 00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,621 I declared my love. She turned me down. 124 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,089 We both moved out of the apartment. And now-- 125 00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:59,660 I haven't talked to him since we stopped talking. 126 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:03,163 - He's pretty good. - "Pretty good"? 127 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:06,634 Last night, you ate a box of Froot Loops in your tighty whities. 128 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:10,904 No, I demolished a box of Froot Loops fully nude. 129 00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,642 Yeah, "pretty good" works. 130 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,546 Hey, Barney. Hey, Lily. 131 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:25,185 - Do you know what this is about? - Uh-huh. 132 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,187 Do I want to know? 133 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:29,657 No. I'm sorry, bro. Damn it! 134 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,459 Okay, time for my stuff. 135 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,527 Guys, I was sitting at home last night, 136 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:36,163 and all of a sudden I had a piphany. 137 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:39,567 And my piphany was this-- Actually, it's, uh-- it's epiphany. 138 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:43,170 No, Ted, this is the piphany, and here it is. 139 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:47,475 Make every night legendary. 140 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:50,310 Guys, we've had some pretty legendary nights, 141 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:53,146 but we've also had some nights that weren't so legendary. 142 00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:56,450 Lookin' at you-- the night Ted made us all watch Norbit. 143 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,119 Eddie Murphy as a fat lady? What's the problem? 144 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,721 That was Eddie Murphy? 145 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,790 The non-legendary nights are done. 146 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,659 From here on in, every single night of our lives... 147 00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:07,928 will be a night we'll never forget. 148 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,897 Starting tonight. 149 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:14,034 Who's ready for the longest, craziest adventure yet? 150 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,102 [ Bullet Ricochets ] 151 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,004 Good. 152 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,406 The weak have been weeded from our herd. 153 00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:22,476 You ready to rock and roll, Ted? Yeah, I'm goin' home too. 154 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,212 I'm sensing some costumes comin' up here, and I'd rather steer clear. 155 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,447 Ted, 20 years from now, 156 00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:29,883 when you're all alone and I'm president, 157 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,886 you're not gonna remember sittin' around your apartment doin' nothin'. 158 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:37,457 What you will remember is that tonight-- this night-- 159 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:40,661 was the night we started a mariachi band! 160 00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:42,596 Uno, dos, tres, quatro. 161 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:47,167 ** [ Mariachi ] 162 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:53,541 Okay, you were right. Memorable night. 163 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,643 That was nothing compared to mañana, amigo, 164 00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,678 because mañana's gonna be... 165 00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,847 the night we ate everything on the menu! 166 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:05,753 Really memorable night, but tomorrow night-- 167 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,689 Is the night we brought a horse into the bar! 168 00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,292 [ Blusters ] Okay, but tomorrow-- 169 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,829 Is the night we bungee jump off the Statue of Liberty! 170 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,934 Nope. 171 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,736 [ Ted Narrating ] That night was the night... 172 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,572 of Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall's fancy dinner. 173 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,608 Complete with a fancy limo ride. 174 00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,910 Surprise! Hello! 175 00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:32,245 Hi, Ranjit. 176 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,650 No! 177 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:44,625 ** [ Background: Muzak ] 178 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,459 Should I take the West Side Highway? 179 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,261 Why not, Ranjit? 180 00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:50,598 Don't you always just take whatever you want... 181 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:56,036 regardless of anything but your own dirty, sick, twisted appetites? 182 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,742 I'll stay on Broadway. 183 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,211 I.D.? 184 00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,580 For God's sakes, open your-- 185 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,481 Yeah, that's about right. 186 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,350 I.D. 187 00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,586 [ Ted Narrating ] Robin had finally learned the lesson... 188 00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,387 that nobody gets famous overnight. 189 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:17,691 But here's the crazy part. That night, she got famous. 190 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,594 Robin, there you are! Sandy Rivers! 191 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:23,731 Star of the show. What it is, my man. 192 00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:27,134 Robin, I've got something big for you. Something huge. 193 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,036 And I want you on it. 194 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:32,105 Sandy, you were in the harassment video. 195 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,441 You were great in that, by the way. Thanks, homes. 196 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:37,410 And I like the way your filthy little mind works, Robin, but this is real. 197 00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:40,347 Big story's breaking. Are you afraid of helicopters? 198 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,949 Wait. I love helicopters. 199 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,584 What am I covering-- a war? Better! 200 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:48,021 ** [ Theme ] [ Sandy ] World Wide News brings you the world. 201 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,790 And now Robin Scherbatsky with traffic. 202 00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,728 If you don't want to go bungee jumping, fine. 203 00:09:54,795 --> 00:10:00,067 Tonight's the night we stole a mummy from the natural history museum! 204 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,470 Yeah, I'm not doin' that. 205 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:06,406 Then get out your Metro card, Ted, 206 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:10,711 because tonight's the night we partied with the mole people! 207 00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:15,015 Barney, I have a Stouffer's lasagna for one in the freezer... 208 00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:17,250 that is going to be unforgettable. 209 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:21,521 I have a Sanford and Son on my DVR that I will take with me to my grave. 210 00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:24,557 I don't need the night to be any more memorable than that. 211 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,327 Okay, Sanford and Son does sound good. 212 00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:31,699 But if I could just present a counterargument. 213 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,203 [ Imitating Fred Sanford ] You're locked out, dummy! 214 00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:39,439 Damn it! Barney, give me your phone. I'm calling my super. 215 00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,242 The only person we're calling is everyone we know. 216 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:45,512 Because tonight's the night we tracked down Phil Collins, 217 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,147 became best friends with him... 218 00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:49,149 and talked him into reuniting with Peter Gabriel, 219 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,618 so then we got to sing backup on the new Genesis album. 220 00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,386 And it was awesome! 221 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,857 Fine. I'll use the phone at the bar. 222 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:02,129 Ranjit, would you please put up the partition? 223 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,097 Partition going up. 224 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,367 You had a sex dream about Ranjit! 225 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:09,669 Hello. Ranjit! 226 00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:11,504 Sorry. 227 00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:13,573 Okay, yes, I did, 228 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,309 but it didn't mean anything. 229 00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,746 Okay. Well, what happened in this dream? 230 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:22,549 I want to know everything, every explicit detail. Don't leave out any-- 231 00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:24,417 Damn it, Ranjit! 232 00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:26,153 Sorry. 233 00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:29,723 Marshall, it was a dream. 234 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:33,226 Yeah, well, dreams are just stuff that you subconsciously want to happen. 235 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,964 Why do you think I'm constantly dreaming about bigfoot playing quarterback for the Vikings? 236 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,267 Because you fall asleep looking at a painting of it. 237 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,634 It soothes me. 238 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,403 Don't try to change the subject. 239 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,039 You sleep-cheated. [ Sighs ] 240 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:49,509 You've been sleep-sleeping around. I'm sick of it. 241 00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:52,746 You know, I have half a mind to get out and let you eat all by yourself. 242 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:55,115 Should I pull over? 243 00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:56,316 Damn it, Ranjit! 244 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,551 Yes, Ranjit, pull over. 245 00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,487 Pulling over. 246 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:05,625 You watch, Ted. Tonight is gonna be legen-- 247 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,795 It's the night we stole a camel! 248 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,999 Which means it'll be full of drama-- 249 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,333 ...dary. 250 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,035 Dromedary! 251 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:18,806 I applaud your wordplay, but your core premise is flawed. 252 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:20,573 Every night can't be legendary. 253 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:24,244 If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary. 254 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:27,514 See, Ted, that attitude right there-- 255 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,149 that's why I'm in the lead. 256 00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:30,683 What do you mean in the lead? 257 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,352 I'm talking about the game of life, Ted. 258 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,923 Scoreboard. Better wardrobe: 75 points. 259 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,091 Apartment on a higher floor: 90 points. 260 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,961 Longer name: 110 points. 261 00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:42,996 Sorry. Did you just make up this point system? 262 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,432 Made up the point system: 114 points. 263 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:48,635 And 10 points to you for pointing that out. Nice job, Ted. 264 00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:51,738 Fifteen points to me for being gracious enough to give you those 10 points. 265 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,373 But here's the point, Ted. 266 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,309 Every time I go out and have an awesome night and you're not there, 267 00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,478 that's another hundred points in my column. 268 00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:00,547 So, yeah, I'm in the lead. 269 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,283 Barney, the fact that I can stay home for a night... 270 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,785 shows that I have inner peace... 271 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,587 and that I don't feel the need to keep score. 272 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,823 That's worth, like, a thousand points right there. 273 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,925 So at the very least, we're tied. 274 00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:13,927 We're so not tied. 275 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,728 Although you know what is tied? 276 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,430 The strap of my girlfriend's bikini. 277 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:19,900 Except when it's not, 'cause she's a stripper. 278 00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:21,869 One million points! Game. 279 00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:25,538 Shh. It's over. It's done. It's done. 280 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,109 So, what do you do? 281 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:31,411 [ Scoffs ] You're kidding, right? I-- 282 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,915 I'm an on-air reporter. I just did a report, like, five minutes ago. 283 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:37,584 You sound frustrated. Yeah, I am. 284 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:42,222 I'm busting my ass, and, as usual, no recognition. 285 00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:45,025 Robin, I've been doing this a while, 286 00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:47,427 and if there's one thing I've learned, it's flarm. 287 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,829 What? Flarm. 288 00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:52,732 Flarm, flarm, flarm. Blobbum. 289 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:56,436 [ Chuckles ] What is wrong with you? Are you having a stroke? 290 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,571 [ Ted Narrating ] As a matter of fact, he was. [ Yelps ] 291 00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,273 Hold on! What-- 292 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,410 Meanwhile, Lily was in desperate need of a female friend. 293 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,412 Lily, I have seen this a million times. 294 00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:08,215 Guys go crazy when there's a baby on the way. 295 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,583 You should've seen the manager when his wife got pregnant. 296 00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:13,921 After the second trimester, he made her stop stripping. 297 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:16,223 Yeah, you're right. 298 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,025 [ Sighs ] Now I feel bad. 299 00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,993 Our big dinner's been ruined. 300 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,062 Marshall's probably crying right now. 301 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:24,731 I had no idea that food could be this delicious. 302 00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:27,734 Marshall, you are being crazy. 303 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,237 No. No, I can handle it. 304 00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:33,840 If I sell my laptop, we can get seconds on those squash blossoms. 305 00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,242 I mean about Lily. 306 00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:38,478 Well, you know, she's being crazy too. 307 00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:41,114 She's pregnant. She gets to be crazy. 308 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:43,250 You have to be the sane one. 309 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:46,219 So, what, I don't get to be crazy again until the baby comes? 310 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:49,356 No. Then it's baby's turn to be crazy. 311 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,025 When do I get to be crazy again? 312 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:55,062 Never. [ Cackling ] 313 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:58,531 [ Cackling Continues ] 314 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:02,535 We are totally even! We absolutely are not even, and here's why. 315 00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:06,273 I'll grant you that if you include the 12 points for designing a skyscraper, 316 00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:08,976 the 83 points for slapping five with Tommy Lee... 317 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,878 and the 9,000 points for banging Robin before me, 318 00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:14,281 our point totals would be about neck and neck. 319 00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,249 But there's one thing you're forgetting. 320 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,418 The fact that I don't care? 321 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:22,255 No. And you just lost five points for sass. 322 00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:25,525 Do you remember a conversation we had about three years ago? 323 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,860 Barney, you're the king. 324 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,829 Nobody picks up chicks like you. 325 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:34,301 You're handsome, debonair-- everything I wish I could be. 326 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,336 I'm starting to think this never happened. 327 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:38,271 Let you finish. 328 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:41,808 You're smooth, charismatic, "sauve." 329 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,210 I think you mean suave. 330 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:46,679 Aha! So you do remember. 331 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:50,783 But there's one thing even a master ladies' man like you could never do, 332 00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:54,454 and if you could ever do it, it would be worth 500 points. 333 00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:58,125 You have my attention, my slightly shorter friend. 334 00:15:58,191 --> 00:15:59,692 Here's the challenge-- 335 00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:03,696 get a girl's phone number while you're wearing a dress. 336 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,568 Challenge-- 337 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,070 ...accomplished. 338 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,771 That's right. 339 00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:14,841 Last year, I slapped on a dress, took a few laps around this very bar, 340 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,376 and I got this-- 341 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,112 the phone number of one Stephanie McColgan. 342 00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:22,049 Later that night, I took off my panty hose... 343 00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:24,884 and I gave her panties my hose. 344 00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:28,488 That's right, Ted. I am 500 points ahead. 345 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:31,691 Until you can get a girl's digits while wearing a dress, 346 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:34,094 you and I will never be even. 347 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,329 You know what? The super's probably waiting for me, 348 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,931 and I just remembered there's a spare key under the doormat. 349 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,833 So good night. Wait. Wait, Ted. Don't go. 350 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,535 Barney, I am leaving. 351 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,471 I'm afraid this is just one of those nights we're probably gonna forget. 352 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:45,638 I don't think so, dude. Look. 353 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,340 [ Sandy On TV ] If you're just joining us, 354 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,209 the World Wide News eye-in-the-sky traffic chopper... 355 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:52,812 is out of control over Manhattan and being piloted by our own Robin Scherbatsky. 356 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:55,082 This probably won't end well. 357 00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,686 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, every now and then, 358 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,889 New York has a moment when every eye in the city is watching the same thing. 359 00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:05,292 This was one of those moments. 360 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:09,662 We all watched breathlessly as the pilot on the ground told her what to do. 361 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,598 And against all odds, 362 00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:14,534 your Aunt Robin landed that helicopter. 363 00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,938 I did it. 364 00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,307 I did it! 365 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,775 Yes! Yeah! [ All Cheering ] 366 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,777 [ All Cheering ] 367 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:28,081 [ Shouting, Cheering ] 368 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,717 [ Ted Narrating ] The pilot survived and made a full recovery. 369 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:33,420 - And Robin-- - It's Robin Scherbatsky, everybody! 370 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,888 [ Cheering, Whistling ] 371 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,390 Thank you so much. 372 00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:41,494 Okay. That's enough. 373 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,663 [ Ted Narrating ] Robin got famous. 374 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,999 In the next few days, she would meet the mayor, 375 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,601 go on Letterman... 376 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:51,571 and even have a deli sandwich named after her. 377 00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,873 But most importantly, that night, 378 00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:57,844 she got a call, text or e-mail from almost everyone she'd ever met. 379 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,879 Hey, Marshall. 380 00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,614 Hey, Lil. 381 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,151 Hey, Barney. 382 00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:07,420 Yes, I know you're dating a stripper. Mm-hmm. 383 00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,088 Hey, Dad. 384 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,191 You proud of your little girl? 385 00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,595 Okay. I'll keep trying. 386 00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:18,465 Babe, 387 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:22,101 I think I know why you had that sex dream about Ranjit. 388 00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:24,204 Why? Well, think about it. 389 00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:26,206 It's the way he talks about his kids. 390 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,308 He's a wonderful father. 391 00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:32,111 Just like Papa Smurf, Bill Cosby. 392 00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:35,348 George Washington, the father of our country. 393 00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:39,085 You're attracted to great dads, and that's why you love me-- 394 00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:42,989 because I'm gonna be the greatest dad ever. 395 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:45,725 Sure. That must be it. 396 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,828 [ Ted Narrating ] Lily decided not to tell Marshall about her dream... 397 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:52,165 involving Frankenstein and the teacup from Beauty and the Beast. 398 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:54,934 That one was just for her. 399 00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:57,570 Okay, Barney. I gotta go. What? 400 00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,473 In the middle of the night you got locked out in your pajamas... 401 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,709 and Robin landed a freakin' helicopter... 402 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,212 and there's still time to reunite Genesis? 403 00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:07,514 Dude, you got your wish. 404 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,782 It's a night we'll always remember. 405 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,451 Why can't we just go home? 406 00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,220 I can't go home, Ted. Why not? 407 00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:16,323 Because... I'm dating a stripper. 408 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:19,692 Yes, I've seen your bus ad. I get it. 409 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,661 No, you don't. 410 00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:24,664 Every night, between 9:00 p.m. and 4:00 a.m., 411 00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:26,733 I'm in hell. 412 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,935 All I can think about is what Quinn is doing... 413 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,904 and where she is doing it and who she is doing it on. 414 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:35,342 If I don't do something to take my mind off of it-- 415 00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:41,080 You're lucky that you can just go sit around the house, Ted. 416 00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:42,849 I don't have that option. 417 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:47,019 Wow. You're in love with this girl. 418 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,921 I really am, Ted. 419 00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:53,226 I mean, she's a stripper. 420 00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,329 [ Ted Narrating ] Later that night-- 421 00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:57,697 [ Cell Phone Chimes ] Hmm? 422 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,377 [ Ted Narrating ] The next night, 423 00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:12,912 all I wanted to do was enjoy a night at home. 424 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:18,985 But there was something I had to do. 425 00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,793 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 426 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,001 It wasn't easy. 427 00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:41,408 Okay. Now we're even. 428 00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:43,643 500 points. 429 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:44,744 Scoreboard. 430 00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:47,747 More than a legendary night we'd remember forever, 431 00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:51,083 Uncle Barney needed a bro to help him forget. 432 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:53,286 In this case, a bro in a dress. 433 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,455 I'm proud of you. 434 00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:57,624 Are you wearing perfume? 435 00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,860 It's a unisex fragrance. It was in Details. 436 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,695 It's nice. 437 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,531 It's perfume.