1 00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:05,039 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, 2012 started out kind of crazy. 2 00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,007 Barney met a girl named Quinn. 3 00:00:07,075 --> 00:00:09,043 Kevin unproposed to Robin. 4 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,579 - I told Robin-- - I love you, Robin. 5 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:14,415 When I asked if she loved me back, she said-- 6 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,150 No. 7 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,120 - Marshall told Robin-- - You gotta move out. 8 00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:21,089 And Robin did. 9 00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:33,033 I can't even open her bedroom door anymore. 10 00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,103 Why do I have to be so sensitive? 11 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,572 I don't know, bro. Look at me and that Quinn chick. 12 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:42,810 You don't hear me prattling on about how beautiful her smile is, 13 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:46,880 how her hair is like a waterfall of honey-colored silk, 14 00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:53,121 how her eyes are like a warm south sea kissed by the fire and gold of sunrise. 15 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:54,855 I don't even remember what she looks like. 16 00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:56,724 Dude, you obviously like her. 17 00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,260 Can't you read between the lines, Ted? I obviously like her! 18 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:01,462 How did this happen to me? 19 00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:03,831 When did I become such a gooey romantic? 20 00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:09,570 Look, I think it's healthy that you have real feelings for a woman... 21 00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:11,905 instead of just seeing her as an object. 22 00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:13,841 - Switch? - Sure. 23 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,143 [ Snaps Fingers ] 24 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,944 But why Quinn? 25 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,946 You spent one night with her, and she was kind of mean. 26 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:20,681 We just connected-- 27 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:23,151 emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. 28 00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:27,288 - So mind-blowing sex? - Mind-blowing sex! [ Stomping Foot ] 29 00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:30,824 Oh! For an hour afterwards, I couldn't uncross my eyes. 30 00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:33,594 Which was awesome, because when I went back for seconds, 31 00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:35,796 it was like having a three-way with twins. 32 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,865 So, call her. 33 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,434 I would if I knew how to get in touch with her, 34 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,136 but I can't, and it's driving me crazy! 35 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,771 Everywhere I look, I see her. 36 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:47,875 I see her walking on the street. I see her shopping in the store. 37 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,377 I see her dancing on that pole. 38 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,345 I see her dancing on that pole too. 39 00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:53,781 Oh, my God. That's Quinn. 40 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:56,717 [ Man On P.A. ] Gentlemen, give it up for Karma! 41 00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:00,621 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 42 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:04,192 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 43 00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,098 ** [ Ends ] 44 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:13,701 I really appreciate you guys taking me in. 45 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,236 I mean, I'm homeless. 46 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:17,505 Things between me and Ted are still kind of weird. 47 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,640 So it's nice to be around friends. 48 00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:22,075 Well, stay as long as you want, sweetie. 49 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,911 Thank you. 50 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,146 Now, I got you a journal. 51 00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:27,748 I know this sounds lame. 52 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:31,419 But it really helps work through stuff to write about it. Oh. 53 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:35,556 "Dear Diary, the fantasies of killing Marshall's mom have become more vivid. 54 00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:38,826 Today, I scalped her with a"-- Oops, that one's mine. 55 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,361 This one's-- Here you go. 56 00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:42,596 You are going to have so much fun here. 57 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,399 Guys, please. Do not feel like you have to keep me entertained. 58 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:47,468 You shouldn't have come to East Meadow, Long Island, Robin, 59 00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:48,969 if you didn't want to be entertained. 60 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,305 Really? I didn't think there was a ton to do here. 61 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:55,843 Okay. Apparently someone hasn't heard of the Uniondale Miniatures Museum. 62 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:58,346 You'll come for the 19th-century thimble art, 63 00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:02,416 but you'll stay for the Dutch masters on bottle caps. 64 00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:07,588 Plus, you'll be bowling with two charter members of the East Meadow Alley Cats. 65 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:10,324 "We're a hot dog eating team with a bowling problem." 66 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,960 Shirley came up with that one. 67 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,730 Great bowler, Shirley. She hit 280 the other day. 68 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,400 Unfortunately, that was on her bathroom scale. 69 00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:23,704 [ Ted Narrating ] When Robin moved out, there was a hole in my life... 70 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,906 in the shape of an empty bedroom. 71 00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:27,841 I filled it with a new hobby. 72 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,813 [ Coughing ] What are you doing in my old room? 73 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,882 This room being empty was bumming me out, 74 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,818 so I decided to do something healthy that would take my mind off you. 75 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:41,355 Well, nothing says healthy like smoking 40 pounds of pork loin... 76 00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:45,293 in an unventilated room while having an imaginary conversation with your ex. 77 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:47,595 Just for that, you're not getting any. 78 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,531 I'm not getting any? You're the one smoking your own meat. 79 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:53,567 Ohh! [ Knocking On Door ] 80 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,203 What am I gonna do about this Quinn thing? 81 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,771 I wanna ask her out again, 82 00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,707 but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper. 83 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:02,310 Why would you have an issue with that? 84 00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:06,647 I mean, you've dated convicted felons, arms dealers, pageant moms-- 85 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:10,584 Hey, Quinn is someone I might want to get serious with, 86 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,453 not just pretend to be a judge... 87 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,922 who can help her four-year-old clinch Little Miss Biloxi. 88 00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:18,326 Hmm. Tiffany's mom really wanted that tiara. 89 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:21,562 In a city of eight million people, 90 00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:24,365 you happened to walk into the club where she works. 91 00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:28,302 - Maybe it's destiny. - Nah, Destiny strips at The Melon Patch. 92 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:31,104 They're people, Ted. Try to keep them straight. 93 00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:32,973 Wait a minute. 94 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:37,177 - What if this is destiny? - I just said-- 95 00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:41,915 What if the universe is throwing us in each other's path for some reason? 96 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:45,786 - More or less exactly what I-- - I don't care what you say. This is destiny! 97 00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:49,323 Damn it, Ted. Why can't you ever root for love? 98 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,394 ** [ Dance ] 99 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:57,631 - Hey. - Hey. 100 00:04:57,698 --> 00:05:01,969 - Quinn-- - Listen, in here, I'm Karma, okay? 101 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,372 Got it. Uh, look, Karma, 102 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,575 I swear I never say crap like this, but... 103 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:11,178 I think maybe the universe is telling us something. 104 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,680 You wanna go out again? 105 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,048 I'm sorry. I don't date customers. 106 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:18,285 What about destiny? I heard she's over at The Melon Patch now. 107 00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:21,989 No, I mean like fate telling us that we're supposed to be-- 108 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:25,393 Listen, Barney, my manager is really giving me the stink eye. 109 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,361 I have to get back to work. 110 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:30,163 Wait, wait, wait. What if I pay for a dance? 111 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,999 That way, your manager's happy... 112 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:35,268 and then I can tell you why you should go on another date with me. 113 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,938 I guess there's no reason why not. 114 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,908 Okay. First off, we have a lot in common. 115 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:47,748 For example, both of our jobs are largely financed by drunk Asian businessmen. 116 00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:51,385 [ Robin's Voice ] Dear Diary, it is day four on this island, 117 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:54,187 which the natives have dubbed "Long Island," 118 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:58,358 perhaps referencing how each hour here feels like it may never end. 119 00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:04,498 So far, they have welcomed me and given me a rare glimpse into their bizarre way of life. 120 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:07,568 By "entertainment," they mean table shuffleboard, 121 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:12,105 macramé classes and other non-stimulating activities... 122 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:16,644 which are only used in Manhattan to calm down drug addicts and the criminally insane. 123 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:22,983 A preliterate society, their menus display pictures of the food they offer. 124 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:27,688 Everyone is forced to sing "Happy Birthday" four or five times a meal. 125 00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:30,758 And dessert has fireworks in it. 126 00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:36,464 In their lairs, they often don a primitive shroud called a Snuggit. 127 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:40,634 And it is not uncommon for them to go to sleep before 9:00 p.m., 128 00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:43,737 fearing, as they do, the night. 129 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,841 Also, Diary, I think writing in you is stupid, 130 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,843 but you were a gift from Lily, and she's watching me right now. 131 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,447 Guys, um, I don't want to overstay my welcome, 132 00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:56,016 and, uh, Patrice said that she would take me off your hands. 133 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:59,119 So, do you have a train schedule or-- 134 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:03,957 Oh, yeah. Um, but there's a problem with the train. 135 00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:06,827 - Big, big problem. - There was a-- 136 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,029 Strike. A lightening strike. 137 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:12,299 That hit one of the picketers who was on strike. 138 00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,468 During a thunder storm. 139 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:18,606 Plus, you don't want to be a burden on Patrice. 140 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:21,509 Yeah, she probably doesn't even want you there. 141 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,515 You guys are being weird. 142 00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:30,283 [ Together ] Ohh! 143 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,920 Oh, my God! Robin, I am so sorry. 144 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:37,257 I'll throw these in the wash. They'll be dry and folded in the morning. 145 00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:40,828 Or the weekend, and we can talk about you leaving then. 146 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:41,862 Or never. 147 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:44,164 Oh, wait. Wait. Lily, why don't I-- 148 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:46,466 It's 8:45. Time to hit the hay. 149 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,035 [ Lily ] Good night! 150 00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:52,139 - [ Lock Clicks ] - [ Whimpers ] 151 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:58,779 So, Ted, what healthy, not-at-all crazy activity are you up to now? 152 00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:02,282 I like smoking meat, but now I've got a new passion-- 153 00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:03,984 wood. 154 00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:07,054 You hear these things that come out of your mouth, right? 155 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,856 [ Knocking On Door ] 156 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,695 So I went back to the Lusty Leopard. 157 00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:16,229 ** [ Rock ] You know what, Barney? 158 00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:19,600 I know I said I have a rule about not dating customers, 159 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:22,936 but you may have convinced me. 160 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:26,273 ** [ Music Stops ] Oh. Song's over. I gotta go. 161 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,308 Wait. What? Convinced you to what? 162 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:31,444 I'm sorry, but... manager's giving me the stink eye. 163 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,581 ** [ Dance ] Oh! Get a life, manager! 164 00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:36,149 What were you saying? 165 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:42,289 Well, I was going to say that I do find you very charming. 166 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,123 Hmm. 167 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,293 And funny. And sexy. 168 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,362 And exciting. And smart. 169 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:51,498 You so get me. 170 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,500 You know what, Barney? 171 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:59,472 I have never done this before, but there's just something about you. 172 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,541 So I guess my answer is-- ** [ Ends ] 173 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:05,345 Oh, the song's over. Just finish the thought! 174 00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:08,616 The manager. God, I hate manager! 175 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:09,683 [ Snoring ] [ Barney ] Here! 176 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,152 Your answer is? 177 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,554 Maybe if we knew each other a little better. 178 00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:16,590 Tell me about yourself. 179 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,626 Well, um, what can I tell you? 180 00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:22,262 I'm, um, charming. And funny. 181 00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:23,931 And sexy. 182 00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:27,935 - ** [ Rock ] - And exciting. And smart. 183 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,037 Well, how can a girl say no to that? 184 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,305 How about we... 185 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,207 go out on, 186 00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:39,913 uh, 187 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,514 ** [ Ends ] Oh! These songs are so short! 188 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,316 Uhh! 189 00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:48,055 Uh, how much exactly did you give Quinn? 190 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:52,559 800, 900 bucks, plus whatever my Rolex is worth. 191 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,594 Whoa. I know! 192 00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:57,364 Ted, I think I'm in love. 193 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:08,208 Quinn is totally playing you. What? 194 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,043 That's ridiculous. 195 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,946 If she were playing me, why would she agree to go on a date with me? 196 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,615 You're different than the rest of these schlubs. 197 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:18,819 This one time only, I'm gonna break my rule. 198 00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,420 Let's go out tomorrow night. 199 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,855 Sweet! 200 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:25,458 Oh, shoot. I have to work tomorrow. Uhh! 201 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:29,462 Hey. Brainstorm! What if we just have our date here? 202 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,765 It's a date. 203 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:35,969 It's not a date! It's you going to a strip club and paying for lap dances! 204 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:39,006 If it's not a date, why'd she say every fifth dance was free? 205 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,274 Because that's the Lusty Leopard's policy on Friday nights, 206 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,276 and I'm so mad at you that I know that! 207 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,882 [ Robin's Voice ] Dear Diary, it is day six on this island, 208 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:52,385 and I begin to fear I am more captive than guest. 209 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:54,587 [ Screams ] 210 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,791 Good morning, sweetie. Up for croquet? 211 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:02,830 Hey, Lil, are you done washing my clothes yet, because-- 212 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,798 Oh, I am so sorry. 213 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:08,668 Your clothes accidentally wound up in the bag I donated to Goodwill. 214 00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:11,004 You gave away my clothes? 215 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,907 They were a bit fancy for East Meadow. 216 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,109 [ Whispering ] People were staring. 217 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,679 Besides, we have an extra Snuggit. 218 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,215 Try it. 219 00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,886 Try it, Robin. 220 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,457 [ Robin's Voice ] They're trying to make me one them, Diary. 221 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,592 And I begin to fear... 222 00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,762 I may like it! 223 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,465 ** [ Dance ] 224 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,668 I can't believe we're at a strip club and the biggest boob in here is you. 225 00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:44,704 It's a real date, Ted. 226 00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:48,408 And clearly you haven't seen the DeSalvo twins. She's right over there. 227 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:51,444 Barney-- Yowza! 228 00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:52,980 You are not on a date. 229 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,215 Wh-- Okay, look, prove it. 230 00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:57,250 Prove that she's not just taking advantage of you. 231 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,352 Get her to go out with you anywhere but here. 232 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:00,653 Fine. 233 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,923 Hey, sexy. You want a dance? 234 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:05,658 Yeah! Um, one thing though. 235 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:09,997 Um, you'd be okay with us having a date somewhere besides here, wouldn't you? 236 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,699 I was hoping you would ask that. 237 00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:15,202 I'm sorry it's so expensive in here, 238 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,470 but it's nice and private, huh? 239 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:22,442 Absolutely. And romantic. It's our first getaway as a couple. 240 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:25,813 [ Robin ] It's become clear to me, Diary, that I must attempt a dramatic escape. 241 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,381 I will fake a stomach ache during dinner. 242 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:31,018 Then, after Marshall and Lily leave for bingo night, 243 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,286 I will sneak out the back. 244 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,423 I'll swipe Shirley's Rascal and drive to the train station. 245 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,658 Shirley's 42, by the way, and rides a Rascal. 246 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,161 I swear, it's the second half of WALL-E out here. 247 00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:44,131 [ Rattling ] 248 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,733 Bingo... 249 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,369 was canceled. 250 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,440 ** [ Rock ] 251 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:56,376 Hey, sexy. You want a dance? 252 00:12:56,443 --> 00:13:00,713 [ Chuckles ] No, I'm not a customer. My girlfriend works here. 253 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,883 She's right over-- 254 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:06,820 This one time only, I'm gonna break my rule. Let's go out tomorrow night. 255 00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:09,056 Sweet! Oh, shoot. 256 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,658 I have to work tomorrow. Uhh! 257 00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,093 Hey. Brainstorm! 258 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,462 What if we just have our date here? 259 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:18,531 Maybe in the Champagne Room? 260 00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,171 That was our spot. 261 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,677 Hey, gorgeous. You want a dance? 262 00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,379 Is it a jig? 263 00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:34,915 'Cause if so, it's up. 264 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:38,418 Sorry. I only had the last verse of "Hot for Teacher" to work on that. 265 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:42,890 What was that? You laid exactly the same line on that guy that you did on me. 266 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:46,459 Sweetie, that is just something I say to these gullible losers here. 267 00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,228 They fall for it every time. 268 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:51,999 [ Chuckles ] Bunch of losers. 269 00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,601 Oh, gosh, manager again. 270 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:58,338 He's looking at me like, "Karma, why aren't you booking more time in the Champagne Room?" 271 00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:00,273 Well, we'll show him. 272 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,110 No! Stop-- You're playing me again! 273 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,478 And you're not even trying hard. 274 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,414 There's no manager there. You're pointing at a fern. 275 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,416 [ Sighs ] 276 00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:13,586 Ted was right. I bet he's home right now laughing at how dumb I am. 277 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,925 [ Shatters ] 278 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,062 Did I deserve this? Absolutely. 279 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:24,664 I have told some outrageous lies. 280 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:26,599 I have told women I was famous, 281 00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,401 a war hero, 282 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,238 that sex with me would cure their nearsightedness. 283 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:32,605 Barney? 284 00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:38,211 I probably deserved everything you did to me and more. 285 00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:43,450 But I have been trying, and trying hard, to be a better person. 286 00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:46,019 Thanks for showing me I had it right before. 287 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:57,797 Look, I'm sorry we made you feel a little suffocated, 288 00:14:57,864 --> 00:15:00,934 but were you really just gonna sneak away? 289 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:04,204 Well, it's just-- I really miss the city. 290 00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:07,407 - I know you guys love it here, and that's fine, but-- - We don't love it here! 291 00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:10,978 - What? - Come on, Robin, what kind of life is this? 292 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:14,847 Going to canasta tournaments and high school field hockey play-offs. 293 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,950 Oh, I think North Bellmore can take State. 294 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,152 With Sophie's ankle? Doubtful. 295 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,254 Okay, but if you two are so unhappy, 296 00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,323 why don't you just move back to Manhattan? 297 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,126 Because the suburbs are better for the baby. 298 00:15:26,193 --> 00:15:29,029 Who says? Who says anyplace is better for the baby... 299 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,198 if you two are unhappy in it? 300 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:36,469 No. No. We live here now. 301 00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,972 And you know, this place wouldn't seem so bad... 302 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:42,342 if we got one of our friends to move out here. 303 00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,478 Oh, guys. 304 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,981 Oh. 305 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,450 I would rather set myself on fire. 306 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,087 [ Ted Narrating ] The next morning, Barney learned that, 307 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,123 even in a city of eight million people, 308 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,525 there's no escaping Karma. 309 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:05,432 ** [ Ballad On P.A. ] 310 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:06,433 Oh. 311 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,002 Oh, hey. 312 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,703 Sorry, can't talk. Manager's watching. 313 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:15,775 Look, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. It's a job. 314 00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:20,080 Yeah, well, at my job, we don't rip out people's hearts for money. 315 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:25,718 My company briefly backed a lab in North Korea which did, but we sold it. 316 00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,954 You know, I've worked at that club for a year. 317 00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:31,058 You practically live there, and you didn't even recognize me the night we went out. 318 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:35,295 You can't pretend to be some hurt little victim with me. I know you. 319 00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,697 Of course you do. I told you things I don't tell anybody. 320 00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,299 I was honest with you. 321 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,301 Yeah. Because I believe you have a gay black brother, 322 00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,103 a friend lonely enough to smoke his own meat... 323 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,904 and that your mother was a groupie for Supertramp. 324 00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:47,774 They named their band for her. 325 00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:52,612 You remembered all that? 326 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,347 Well, yeah, I mean, 327 00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:59,152 you're more interesting than the lyrics to "Pour Some Sugar On Me" for the 8,000th time. 328 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,522 You know, it's funny. 329 00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:06,459 Almost every woman I've ever met was wrong to give me a chance. 330 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,629 You're the first woman who's wrong not to. 331 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,501 Large black coffee... 332 00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:18,004 and whatever he's having. 333 00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:20,039 It's on me. 334 00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:21,541 The same. 335 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,177 Thank you. 336 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:25,878 You're welcome. 337 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:29,782 1,700 more of these and we're even. ** [ Ends ] 338 00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:33,120 Uh, song just ended. That mean you got to get going? 339 00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,390 No. Do you have time to sit with me? 340 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:40,127 I don't know. You're wearing my watch. 341 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,166 Pottery. Now you're making pottery. 342 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:49,836 I needed a new vase. And some plates. 343 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,271 And bowls. 344 00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,640 The china cabinet I built had some design flaws. 345 00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:57,744 Why don't you just turn this into a guest room? A guest room? 346 00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:01,681 You mean a room ready and waiting for someone who isn't there? 347 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:05,152 A room devoted to reminding me that I'm still alone? 348 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:07,720 Yeah, I don't need that. 349 00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:13,025 Ted, no matter how many things you put in this room, 350 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,627 I'll still be here. 351 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,266 [ Knocking On Door ] 352 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,142 - Hey. - Hey. 353 00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,110 - [ Sighs ] - Uh, come on in. 354 00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:32,879 Thanks. 355 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:37,384 Oh, thanks for packing up the rest of my stuff. No problem. 356 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,686 Uh, you want some coffee? Um, sure. 357 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,254 Yeah? Yeah. 358 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,890 So how are things? 359 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,892 Good. You? Great. 360 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,827 You know, I actually made this mug. 361 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:51,464 Oh, yeah-- Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Coffee's a little strong. 362 00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,668 How was your stay with Marshall and Lily? 363 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:59,839 Uh, a little weird. They're not loving Long Island. 364 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:04,544 Oh. I think deep down they realize it just isn't a good fit. 365 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:08,014 It's hard to admit that sometimes. 366 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,882 Sure is. 367 00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,820 But I guess it's better to face it and move on... 368 00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:17,957 than try to force something that just isn't meant to be, right? 369 00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,726 I think so. 370 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,728 Yeah. 371 00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:24,431 So what do you think you're gonna do with my old room? 372 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,932 Haven't really thought about it. 373 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,700 Whoa! 374 00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:36,809 Who needs Manhattan? Yeah. 375 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,578 [ Cell Phone Chimes ] 376 00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:43,483 Mmm, it's Ted. He wants to know if we want to hang out in the city. 377 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,184 The next train leaves in nine minutes. 378 00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:05,272 [ Ted's Voice ] Dear Lily and Marshall, 379 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:09,976 I don't know if you know this, but I never took your names off the lease. 380 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:13,145 Well, today, I took my name off it. 381 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,316 The apartment is now yours. 382 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:20,820 And I think I finally figured out the best thing to do with Robin's old room. 383 00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:33,766 See, for me, this place had begun to feel a little haunted. 384 00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:36,536 At first, I thought it was haunted by Robin, 385 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,905 but now I think it was haunted by me. 386 00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:43,710 Well, no ghost is at peace until it finally moves on. 387 00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:49,282 I need a change. And I think you do too. 388 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,751 This apartment needs some new life. 389 00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:56,789 So, please, make our old home your new home. 390 00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,058 It is now ghost-free. 391 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:01,361 Love, Ted.