1 00:00:01,069 --> 00:00:03,171 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, I'll never forget... 2 00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:05,306 the first time I told your mother I loved her. 3 00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:07,541 It was a rainy day in New York. 4 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,878 We'd just had a horrible lunch, the movie we wanted to see was sold out, 5 00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:14,782 and I just looked at her and said, "I love you." [ No Audible Dialogue ] 6 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,719 It was a big deal for me. I hadn't said that to a girl since-- 7 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,454 I love you, Robin. 8 00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:24,292 I'm serious. 9 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,994 Do you remember why we broke up in the first place? 10 00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:30,264 We asked each other, "Where do you want to be in five years?" 11 00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,633 And our answers were just too different. 12 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:38,005 Well, it's five years later, and where are we? 13 00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:41,209 Standing on the roof where I kissed you for the first time. 14 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:46,314 I know this is a lot to process, 15 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,450 so, no pressure here, just-- 16 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,686 What do you think? 17 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,422 You know what? You're exhausted. It's late. 18 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,290 Let's just go to sleep. Well, good night. 19 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:03,197 [ Thinking ] What the hell was that? Okay, I can fix this. 20 00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,399 I was just temporarily insane... 21 00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,601 because of my Lyme disease, 22 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,938 which I got on a camping trip... 23 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,741 that I didn't tell her about because... 24 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,711 I go camping in secret. 25 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,480 Perfect. 26 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,549 Or I could say, "I'm sorry. We're great as friends. 27 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,651 Let's just forget I ever said anything." 28 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:26,687 Yeah, that's probably better. Okay, here goes. 29 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,822 - [ Exhales ] - Uh-- 30 00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,725 I go camping in secret. 31 00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:38,199 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 32 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,569 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 33 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,476 ** [ Ends ] 34 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,214 Ted, I-- 35 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,783 Okay. Kinda give me a minute here. 36 00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,385 Of course. 37 00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:01,021 Okay, um, we need to talk about this. 38 00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:05,293 This time yesterday, I was in Vermont engaged to another man. 39 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:09,230 I mean, it's been 24 hours of emotional mayhem. 40 00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:11,299 And the day is still not over. 41 00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:12,800 I mean, I swear to God, 42 00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,768 if there's any more surprises, I'm gonna hit someone. 43 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,670 [ Knocking ] 44 00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:19,207 [ Speaking Russian ] 45 00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:22,343 That means "Hello, coworker!" 46 00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:24,312 You ready for our trip to Mother Russia? 47 00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:27,281 [ Ted Narrating ] Oh, yeah. Aunt Robin was thrilled World Wide News... 48 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,450 asked her to go to Moscow to cover Maslenitsa. 49 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:31,552 She was less thrilled to discover Maslenitsa... 50 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,754 is the city's annual butter festival. 51 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,890 Even worse, she'd spend an entire week with all those buttery Russians... 52 00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:39,660 and her archenemy, Patrice. 53 00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:44,031 Uh, our flight leaves at 9:00 p.m., not a.m. 54 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:46,367 God, Patrice. 55 00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:49,203 But, Robin, the schedule says 9:00 a.m., 56 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,272 and my ticket says 9:00 a.m., 57 00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:53,040 and all the e-mail reminders said 9:00 a.m., 58 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,508 and our boss in the car downstairs said-- 59 00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:57,144 Okay, Patrice, I get it! Oh, no. 60 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,547 Pair of pants, comin' in hot! 61 00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,482 - Noise-canceling headphones. - I don't need 'em. 62 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,384 It's a 10-hour flight, and you're sitting next to Patrice. 63 00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:05,886 Oh, God. Where's my cough syrup? 64 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,589 You're gonna make it. I'll bring your bag down. Where are my shoes? 65 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,724 [ Shouting ] Where are my shoes? Don't worry. It's fine. 66 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,793 And look, about all this-- Yeah, just go. 67 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:13,827 Good-bye. Bye. 68 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:19,500 Why didn't I kiss her? 69 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,905 We'll continue this when I get back. 70 00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,879 [ Cell Phone Beeps ] 71 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,615 [ Sighs ] Hello? 72 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,317 I know it's early, but can you meet me at the bar, 73 00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:37,718 right now, alone? 74 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:40,821 I'm on my way. I gotta meet Ted at the bar. 75 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,490 At 7:00 a.m.? 76 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,859 Man, Ted really needs to work on his boundaries. 77 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,895 Shh. Guys, seriously. 78 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:50,130 [ Both Scream ] 79 00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:51,699 Why are you in our bed? 80 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,968 I took the drunk train and got stuck out here. 81 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,471 Oh, God. I am so hungover. 82 00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:00,040 Oh, God. Lily's not wearing a bra. 83 00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:01,742 Shh. 84 00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,577 Bye, baby. Bu-- 85 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:08,749 Do you think-- Okay, I already know I don't want to hear this. 86 00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,651 Do you think that if we did it-- 87 00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,453 Yeah, I was right. I don't wanna hear this. 88 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,388 and I did a really good job-- 89 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,723 Please leave. 90 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:19,560 that I could turn that into my baby? 91 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:22,029 I think I'm gonna go throw up. 92 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,997 Morning sickness? No. 93 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,503 It's crazy, right? Are you shocked? 94 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,639 No. I'm not shocked. You're in love with Robin. 95 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,441 Do you remember back at Christmas... 96 00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,309 when she was upset, you didn't even know why, 97 00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,611 and you spent eight hours setting up Christmas lights in the apartment... 98 00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,613 just to cheer her up? 99 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,749 That was a "platonic friend" thing. A "platonic friend" thing. 100 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,251 Really? Ted, let me ask you a question. 101 00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:46,053 Would you have done that for me? 102 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,922 You probably would have. You're such a good friend, Ted. 103 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,858 You too, buddy. 104 00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,894 I'm going into the city. Just, while I'm gone, 105 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,597 don't go snooping around in our stuff. 106 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:59,567 I know you think we have a sex tape hidden somewhere. 107 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,669 So I'll save you the trouble-- we don't. 108 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,170 Good-bye. 109 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,738 [ Tape Rewinds ] 110 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,574 [ Ted Narrating ] Here's that moment from Barney's perspective. 111 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,509 [ Muffled Trumpet-voice ] 112 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,277 We have a sex tape hidden somewhere-- 113 00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:14,615 [ Muffled Trumpet-voice ] 114 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,518 Challenge accepted. 115 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,388 Robin, again? 116 00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,756 Why does everyone keep going after Robin? 117 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,158 How come no one ever takes a run at me? 118 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:28,429 - Barney hits on you every day. - Yeah, but he just wants to bang me. 119 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:31,799 I want something real. I know, babe. 120 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,868 [ Woman On Phone ] Double-A Cleaning. Consuela, it's Barney. 121 00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,837 I'm gonna need you and the girls for the afternoon. 122 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,806 Of course. Right away, Mr. Barney. 123 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,475 Are you at home now? No. I'm at a house on Long Island. 124 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:45,078 I'll text you the details. It's a big job. The place has been ransacked. 125 00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:48,416 We'll get right on it. Thanks, Consuela. You're the best. 126 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,056 Ted, I know you're ready to go with this whole "you and Robin" thing, 127 00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:57,891 but is she ready to go? 128 00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,860 Is she ready to go? 129 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:00,961 Um-- 130 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:08,569 We'll continue this when I get back. 131 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,741 So-- 132 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,843 Are you sure that it wasn't-- 133 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,915 We'll continue this when I get back. 134 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,417 Okay. 135 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,889 What? No. 136 00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:31,124 Damn it, Lily. Why are you rooting against me? 137 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,393 - I'm not rooting against you. - Yes, you are. 138 00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:35,629 No, I'm not. [ Ted Narrating ] Yes, she was. 139 00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,765 You see, at that very moment-- 140 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:46,440 "Long-term bets"? 141 00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:55,683 "Lily bets Marshall that Barney will die by murder." 142 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:01,922 "Marshall bets Lily that Robin will never return their hair dryer." 143 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,794 "Lily bets Marshall that Ted'll go bald." 144 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,096 "Marshall bets Lily that if Ted goes bald, 145 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:10,898 he'll totally pull it off." 146 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,533 My God. 147 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,935 They're placing bets on our lives. 148 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,971 And I'm sorry, Ted cannot pull off bald. 149 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,107 You know Ted. I'm right about this. 150 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:23,110 [ Laughing ] [ Chuckles ] 151 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:26,480 Ted, I'm your best friend. Why would I root against you? 152 00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:30,851 "Lily bets Marshall that Ted and Robin won't end up together." 153 00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:33,120 [ Ted Narrating ] That's why. 154 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,025 [ Ted Narrating ] So Lily was betting against me and Robin. 155 00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,493 I just didn't know it. 156 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:44,097 Okay, you wanna make it work with Robin? You need to stay on her radar. 157 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:47,367 - Call her. Right now. - She's on the plane. Her phone's off. 158 00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,169 [ Gasps ] Oh, my God. 159 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:53,140 How adorable would it be if when the plane lands, she turns on her phone... 160 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:56,243 and her mailbox is full of messages from you? 161 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,545 Aw! 162 00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,213 Ted, don't leave her any voice mails. 163 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,348 - Why not? - Because-- 164 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,450 Because you need to go to Russia-- 165 00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,085 [ Gasps ] with love. 166 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:08,288 Surprise her. Make the in-no-way creepy... 167 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:11,992 grand romantic gesture that we all know Robin loves. 168 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,595 Aw! 169 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:19,132 So I just-- I just walk up to her in Red Square with a dozen roses? 170 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:23,136 Or float down to her in my hot air balloon... 171 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,105 with 10 dozen roses. 172 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,808 Yes. That's perfect. 173 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:31,078 Not like this, Lily. Not like this. 174 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:34,314 If you'll excuse me, I've got some sonnets to write. 175 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,750 Stay put, Ted. You're gonna want to hear this. 176 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,754 Guys, what's this? 177 00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,923 [ Ted Narrating ] And Marshall and Lily explained. 178 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,058 It all started 10 years earlier. 179 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:48,161 They had been looking for a new hobby they could do as a couple. 180 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,630 [ Exhales ] 181 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:52,833 I already missed the beginner's lesson. Maybe I shouldn't even go. 182 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:57,470 Ah, screw it. I've seen the Olympics. I know what I'm doing. 183 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,139 I'm goin' skiing, bitches. 184 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:12,085 [ Loud Clattering ] 185 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,788 He's gonna break his leg. He's not gonna break his leg. 186 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,556 Twenty bucks says he does. 187 00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,495 Lily bets Marshall... 188 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,999 that Ted will break his leg skiing. 189 00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:32,840 You would be amazed. 190 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,709 People fall off ski lifts all the time. 191 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:38,578 Well, I gotta hit the head. 192 00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:41,615 [ Grunts ] 193 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:46,353 Well, he didn't break his leg. 194 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:51,524 Yeah, I gotta say that making money off this bet... 195 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,526 just makes me feel-- 196 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,095 More alive than you've felt in years? 197 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:57,030 - Yes! - New hobby! 198 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,632 [ Shouts ] 199 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,869 We need a cash box, some glitter and some glue. 200 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,371 You've been betting on us? 201 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,407 Like we're a couple of hoboes fighting over a sandwich... 202 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:09,977 in some psycho preppy kid's backyard? 203 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,579 No. This is just what happens in marriage. 204 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:15,148 You get bored. You run out of things to do. 205 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,750 We were making models. 206 00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:20,620 You single people are out there with the drinking and the-the sleeping around. 207 00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,322 Model airplanes. 208 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:25,893 The grinding and the bumping and the hot, sweaty bodies. 209 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,428 With little propellers that spin. 210 00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,430 Oh, this one looks interesting. 211 00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:33,701 Lily, I thought you said you wanted to. It was your idea. 212 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:36,970 I starved myself for a week to get camera-ready. 213 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,772 You had a bear claw for breakfast. 214 00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,841 Yeah. A bear claw. 215 00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:43,243 Look, I changed my mind. 216 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:47,080 I-- I just don't want Barney to see us doing it. 217 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,916 Barney is never gonna see this. 218 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,051 Oh, come on. It's Barney. 219 00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:54,087 Eventually, somehow, he's gonna see it. 220 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,088 Wanna bet? 221 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:58,892 So there really is a sex tape? 222 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:09,770 Anyhoozles, just long-term bets. 223 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,972 Just a silly thing we do. 224 00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:15,442 What about you, Ted? Your hair's looking good. 225 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:19,246 "Lily bets Marshall that Ted and Robin won't end up together." 226 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,750 Wow. 227 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:25,218 So now it's becoming clear why... 228 00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:28,155 you've been trying to sabotage my future happiness. 229 00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,357 - To win a bet. - Come on, Ted. 230 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,726 We made that bet so long ago. 231 00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:36,696 And, boy, it's been a real nail-biter. Pssh. 232 00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:38,866 Ted and Stella got engaged. 233 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,668 Pay up. Not yet. 234 00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:45,238 We are driving to the wedding. Pay up. 235 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,974 Not yet. 236 00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,643 We are at the wedding. 237 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,080 Pay up. Not yet. 238 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,685 Damn it. 239 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,487 I can't believe you guys. 240 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,656 I got left at the altar, and all you cared about was some stupid bet. 241 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,026 I never stopped rooting for you, but I-- 242 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,028 Ted, I'm not rooting against you. 243 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,397 I just don't think Robin's the girl you marry. 244 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:13,033 That's why I made the stupid bet to begin with. 245 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:17,037 I mean, yes, it's five years later and you haven't settled down with anyone else, 246 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:20,040 but you haven't settled down with Robin either. 247 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,609 There must be a reason for that. 248 00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:24,277 What's standing in the way? 249 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,881 [ Muttering ] 250 00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,120 [ Gasps ] God, 251 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:36,023 if you help me find this sex tape, 252 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,691 I am going to make some changes in my life. 253 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,795 I am going to stop sleeping around, quit drinking so much. 254 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,897 No more shenanigans. 255 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,466 I am going to devote my entire life... 256 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:50,237 to doing good deeds and praising your name. 257 00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,739 Is this what you're looking for, Mr. Barney? 258 00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,775 [ Gasps ] Never mind, bro. Found it. 259 00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,847 I found it! 260 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:02,950 Sweet glory hallelujah! I found it! 261 00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:05,252 Ted, you're the only idiot I know who still owns a VCR, 262 00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:08,355 so you are the lucky winner of the "Who Gets to Sit Next to Me... 263 00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:11,591 and Watch Your Best Friends Go Bananas All Over Each Other" Sweepstakes. 264 00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:14,461 To the outdated viewing device. 265 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,263 [ Ted Narrating ] And then I realized why Robin and I... 266 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:19,199 hadn't gotten back together in the last five years. 267 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:20,800 Oh, my God. 268 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:24,004 Robin's in love with you. 269 00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:31,478 I can't believe I didn't see it before. 270 00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,446 Robin is in love with you. 271 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,615 No. She's not. Trust me. 272 00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:39,186 Yes, she is. Something happened between you guys. 273 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,054 That's why you broke up with Nora. 274 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:44,057 That night, I saw you in her room. 275 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,526 There were rose petals, candles-- 276 00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,295 You saw that? 277 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:51,932 Well, then maybe you also saw those rose petals and candles... 278 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,700 going into a garbage bag. 279 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,069 [ Ted Narrating ] And then Barney told me everything-- 280 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,471 how he and Robin hooked up, 281 00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:01,975 how he broke up with Nora to be with her, 282 00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,511 how he thought she would do the same for him, 283 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,479 how she broke his heart. 284 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,020 She chose Kevin. 285 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:16,856 It hurt, but I guess they're in love. 286 00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:19,659 They broke up last night. 287 00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:21,461 Bummer. 288 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,663 Anyway, let's make our own bets about this sex tape. 289 00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:27,334 I've got Marshall with a surprise piercing at 5-1 odds, 290 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,003 Lily with a landing strip, 10-1, 291 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,105 Marshall with a landing strip, even money. 292 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,541 I don't believe this. 293 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,309 You were in love with Robin, 294 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,345 you find out she's single, and your reaction is "Bummer"? 295 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,180 What do you want me to say, Ted? 296 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:45,085 Whatever I thought was there, she thought differently. 297 00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:47,854 So, no, I don't care that Robin is single again. 298 00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:51,891 So if Robin started dating someone else, you wouldn't mind? 299 00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:55,328 Nope. Even if that somebody else was me? 300 00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:59,699 Even if that somebody else was you. 301 00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:01,768 Really? Really. 302 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,504 Hey, bros before hos, right? 303 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:09,076 No matter how mad she made me, Robin's still my bro. 304 00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:13,446 And if you make her happy, then that makes me happy. 305 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:16,916 Barney, you've really grown up, you know that? 306 00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,451 Thanks. 307 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:21,054 Now let's watch our two best friends have sex on tape. 308 00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,856 - I'll make the popcorn. - [ Chuckles ] 309 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,426 Don't watch that tape! Watch that tape. 310 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:28,495 Well, sorry. I just really want to win the bet. 311 00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:30,063 And... here we go. 312 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,898 Okay. Okay, fine, Barney. 313 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,967 Watch our dirty little home movie. 314 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,936 But be forewarned, at about the one-minute mark, 315 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:39,272 you're gonna see me make this face-- 316 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:44,211 Oh, God. That's the face you made the day we rode motorcycles. 317 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,046 Yeah. Yeah. You really wanna see that? 318 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:48,515 And do you want to hear me go, uh-- 319 00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:52,285 [ Bellowing ] Oh. 320 00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:55,122 It can't sound like that. It can't. 321 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,923 I know that noise. I've heard it through the walls. 322 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,458 I thought the neighbors had a sick cat. 323 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:01,594 But, Barney, just remember, you'll also be seeing a lot of this-- 324 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,696 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 325 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,465 It's this, but I'm not pregnant. 326 00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:08,901 My skin is loose like an elephant. 327 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,138 My boobs are perky and plump. 328 00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,240 I slobber like a confused, old dog. 329 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,608 I slap my own ass. I slap my own ass. 330 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:18,745 Oh! [ Shouts ] 331 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:23,683 Barney. That was my VCR. 332 00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:28,021 Ted. It was a VCR. 333 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,526 [ Ted Narrating ] A week later, Robin's plane landed, 334 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:36,363 and I was there to meet her at the airport. 335 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,535 She told me all about her trip. 336 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:46,673 And then we got dinner at a restaurant we hadn't been to in a long time. 337 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:51,078 And by the end of the night, one thing had become clear. 338 00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:53,280 It's not gonna happen, is it? 339 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:56,049 [ Sighs ] I'm sorry. 340 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,854 It's because of Barney. What? 341 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:04,724 No. Barney and I-- 342 00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:08,061 No. No. It's just-- 343 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:11,098 Things have just been so crazy lately. 344 00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:15,502 Everything in my life is unstable. 345 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:18,705 I mean, you're one of the few things that I can count on. 346 00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:23,410 And I really don't want to mess that up. 347 00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:28,081 We-We still have our deal, right? 348 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:31,451 If we're both still single when we're 40? 349 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,453 Yeah. Yeah. 350 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:38,191 No. Look, I'm sorry. 351 00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,260 I can't do that anymore. 352 00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,995 As long as the door is even a little bit open, 353 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,266 I have this feeling that I'll just be waiting around... 354 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,768 to see if I win the lottery when you turn 40. 355 00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:52,605 I think you know how you feel about me now. 356 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:56,543 And I don't think time's gonna change that. 357 00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,679 Just tell me. 358 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,249 Do you love me? 359 00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,290 No. 360 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:19,966 [ Exhales ] I'm sorry. 361 00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:22,469 We're great as friends. Let's just-- [ Clears Throat ] 362 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,337 Let's just forget I ever said anything. 363 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,578 [ Sighs ] 364 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,346 Bar. Alone. Now. 365 00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:34,847 It's just a bump in the road. 366 00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:37,984 You guys are meant to be together. You can't give up. 367 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,420 - It can still happen. - No, Marshall-- 368 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,356 What about the "hot air balloon" thing with the 10 dozen roses? 369 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:45,492 And how's the sonnet coming, buddy? 370 00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,595 Dude, you bet on the wrong horse. Let it go. 371 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,298 Believe it or not, I'm happy about this. 372 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,833 I-- I can finally move on. 373 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,836 This is a good thing. 374 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,438 Really. 375 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,613 Hey, Robin. Oh, hey. Hey. 376 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:09,015 Look, before I forget, here's Lily's hair dryer. 377 00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,284 I borrowed it, like, a million years ago. 378 00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,620 Yeah, you can keep that. Um-- 379 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,655 Hey, listen, Ted told me what happened with you guys, 380 00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,490 and he says that he's at peace with it. 381 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:20,693 Oh, really? That's good. 382 00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:23,663 He's lying, Robin. 383 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:26,933 He's trying to be strong, but it's killin' him. 384 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:31,170 And so, as his best friend, I have to say something... 385 00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:34,207 that he loves you just way too much to say. 386 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,777 You gotta move out. 387 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,281 I know. 388 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:45,618 [ Woman: Alt Rock ] * And all of the ghouls come out to play * 389 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:50,323 * And every demon wants his pound of flesh * 390 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:54,327 * But I like to keep some things to myself * 391 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:58,898 * I like to keep my issues strong * 392 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:03,336 * It's always darkest before the dawn * 393 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:08,341 * And I've been a fool and I've been blind * 394 00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:11,744 * I can never leave the past behind * 395 00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:16,749 * I can see no way I can see no way * 396 00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:20,587 * I'm always dragging that horse around * 397 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,722 [ Ted Narrating ] Here's the funny thing. 398 00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:26,726 In my own crazy way, I was kinda happy. 399 00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:29,462 For the first time in years, there was no little part of me... 400 00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:32,164 clinging to the dream of being with Robin. 401 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,401 Which meant, for the first time in years, 402 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,202 the world was wide open. 403 00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:40,106 Because, kids, when a door closes-- 404 00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:42,809 well, you know the rest. 405 00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,945 * Shake it out, shake it out Shake it out, shake it out * 406 00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:48,748 * Oh-oh, shake it out, shake it out * 407 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:51,684 * Shake it out, shake it out Oh-oh * 408 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,921 * And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back * 409 00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:56,489 * So shake him off * 410 00:20:56,556 --> 00:21:00,327 For Ted's sake, I hate to say this, but... pay up. 411 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,831 Not yet. 412 00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:06,733 * Ooh-ooh **