1 00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:04,405 Hey, guys. Where are Marshall and Lily? 2 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,407 Something terrible happened. 3 00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:08,309 Are they okay? Are they in the hospital? 4 00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,643 No. 5 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,645 Somewhere much... 6 00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,447 much worse. 7 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,784 Long Island! Tonight, we're moving out there for good! 8 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,787 Yeah. Here are your spare keys to our new house. 9 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,822 Long Island? 10 00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:23,224 I don't understand. 11 00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:25,826 You-You can get spray tans here. 12 00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:28,862 I never let myself believe this day would really come. 13 00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:32,500 It's like when they canceled Party of Five for the second time. 14 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:36,470 I mean, when they... canceled... sports. 15 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,540 Guys, we'll still see each other all the time. 16 00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,909 And we'll talk on the phone, and-- 17 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,845 I know people say that having kids means you don't see your friends anymore, but-- 18 00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:48,616 [ Sobbing ] Oh, God. This is good-bye, isn't it? No, stop it. 19 00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:53,053 Guys, this doesn't change anything. We are only a 46-minute train ride away. 20 00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:55,489 So pop out whenever you want. 21 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,326 So... I guess this seat is open. 22 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,661 [ Whimpering ] [ Murmurs ] 23 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,463 I'll go get a chair. 24 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,534 [ Sighs ] So, that's it. 25 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,769 No more Marshall. No more Lily. 26 00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:10,704 They're gone. 27 00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,373 Which means... 28 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,075 no lame married couple... 29 00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:17,278 shooting down all my amazing ideas. 30 00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:20,114 Guys, great news! 31 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:22,683 I'm the new leader of the gang! 32 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,219 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 33 00:01:26,354 --> 00:01:28,189 [ Barney ] * Ba, ba-ba-ba, ba * 34 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:30,524 * Ba-Barney is * 35 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,726 * The new leader of the gang * 36 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,728 * And life just got way more awesome ** 37 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,430 Yeah! 38 00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:38,966 [ Ted Narrating ] Marshall and Lily were almost done decorating their new house. 39 00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:41,702 - I like it there much better. - There was only one problem. 40 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:44,205 Wrong! 41 00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:45,773 This can't go here. 42 00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:48,742 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, when he found out she was pregnant, 43 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:51,612 Lily's estranged father unexpectedly showed up on her doorstep. 44 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:53,847 It was a gesture she appreciated. 45 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,417 But after two weeks, they'd had just about enough. 46 00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:58,152 That has to go there... 47 00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,454 to cover up the splintery floorboard. 48 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,423 And you can't hang this picture here. 49 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:05,193 This isn't plaster. It's dried toothpaste. 50 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:08,061 Guys, you're so lucky I'm here! 51 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,331 I grew up in this house. 52 00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:12,533 I know it like the back of my hand. 53 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,737 - And this lamp absolutely cannot be here. - Why not? 54 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,072 It blocks my view of the Widow Rodriguez... 55 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,041 doing her Jane Fonda workouts. 56 00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:23,076 Isn't she a little old, Dad? 57 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:26,280 Oh, you didn't see her when I was a kid. 58 00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,882 In my mind, she'll always be 54. 59 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,888 I know he means well, but I can't take it anymore. 60 00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:38,626 He won't leave, and he's acting like this is his house. 61 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,629 I know! And these annoying notes he keeps leaving around? 62 00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:44,632 "I need absolute silence when practicing the drums." 63 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,167 "Do not touch the fudge in my nightstand." 64 00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:49,503 "We need ant traps for my nightstand." 65 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,206 I find myself hiding out here... 66 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,041 just because it's the only room in the house... 67 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,509 where he can't boss us around. 68 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,511 [ Beeps ] Great news! 69 00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,580 I put new batteries in the old intercom system. 70 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,582 Now we can communicate at all times. 71 00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,417 Mickey out. [ Beeps ] 72 00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:06,687 Look at what's become of our booth. 73 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:09,390 Looks like my old shop teacher's hand-- 74 00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:11,659 just sort of missing something. 75 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,494 Enough! 76 00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:16,129 I am sick of you two wallowing in sadness... 77 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,765 instead of doing the healthy thing... 78 00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:19,600 and pretending anyone who leaves you... 79 00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:21,635 never existed in the first place! 80 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:25,906 I hate to agree with Barney's near-paralyzing abandonment issues, but he has a point. 81 00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:28,709 You can't just stop living because two of your friends moved away. 82 00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:30,177 "Pre-cissly!" 83 00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,346 Now, as new group leader, 84 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,448 I say we go out and do something... 85 00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,750 that we never would have done with Marshall and Lily here. 86 00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,319 Ooh! 87 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:42,523 Remember that amazing idea I had that one time? 88 00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:45,293 Let's go to a strip club! Nope. 89 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:47,395 So? What do you say? 90 00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:50,298 Let's declare our independence... 91 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:53,467 with an "on-da-peen-dance." 92 00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,372 "On-da-peen-dance." No, we got it. 93 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,842 - Let's go to a strip club! - Well, I'm gonna miss them anywhere. 94 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,378 Might as well see some cans while I'm at it. 95 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:07,247 I'll take it! Robin? Kevin? You in? 96 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,784 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, early in any relationship, 97 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:13,086 there's a phase where you don't say no to anything. 98 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:16,324 Because you want to seem interesting, 99 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,158 adventurous... 100 00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:19,793 and open-minded. 101 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,296 I call it early-relationship chicken. 102 00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:24,164 Well, I am open to anything. 103 00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:26,233 Oh, mos' def! 104 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,536 [ Both Inhaling ] So-- 105 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,804 [ Thinking ] I don't want to go to a strip club. 106 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,205 [ Thinking ] I don't want to go to a strip club. 107 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,642 [ Thinking ] But I don't want him to think I'm some prude. 108 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,545 [ Thinking ] Man, we've been saying "So" for a while. 109 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,314 [ Both ] Oh, yeah! 110 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:43,016 - [ Yells ] - Yes! 111 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,985 Tonight is gonna be legen-- 112 00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,220 [ Imitating Lily ] Are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? 113 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,289 Shut up, Lily! I'm in charge now! 114 00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:51,024 ...dary! 115 00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:56,063 Got no cell reception. I wanted to call Ted. 116 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:59,733 This feels weird. The last time I lived this far from him was my semester abroad. 117 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,869 You never did a semester abroad. 118 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:04,338 That's what I called it when we lived on opposite sides of campus. 119 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,842 Wrong! Please tell me you're not plugging that in there. 120 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,912 Yes, Mickey, that's exactly what I'm doing. 121 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,648 All right, fine. I won't say anything. 122 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:17,418 It's just that this was my room when I was growing up, 123 00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:19,687 so I know it a little better than you do. 124 00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:23,056 Lot of great memories here. 125 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,958 Mostly just discovering my body. 126 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,928 That's it. 127 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:31,399 Since you got here, you've been nothing but judgmental and pushy... 128 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,701 and strangely obsessed with your adolescent sex life. 129 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,904 Tomorrow morning, you're outta here. 130 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:40,340 - Well, I-I've just been trying to help you. - We don't need your help. 131 00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:46,547 I-- [ Sighs ] [ Door Closes ] 132 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:49,417 It-It's okay, baby. It had to be done. 133 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,223 [ Electricity Crackles ] [ Intercom Beeps ] 134 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:59,026 Too bad the one person who could stop you from making mistakes like that... 135 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,462 was told he has to move out next month. 136 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:03,931 [ Marshall, Lily ] Tomorrow! 137 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,799 ** [ Hip-hop ] 138 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,301 Would either of you like a dance? 139 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,405 [ Stammering ] I'm always ready to rock. 140 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:14,074 [ Chuckling ] And I'm always ready to roll. 141 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,877 [ Together ] So-- 142 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,679 [ Thinking ] I'm not ready to rock. 143 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,648 [ Thinking ] Rolling makes me dizzy. 144 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,650 [ Together ] ...oh-- 145 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,284 Hell, yeah! Yeah! 146 00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:27,555 I'm buying my man a lap dance, 'cause that's just how I do! 147 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,690 Party like a rock star! 148 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,025 [ Whimpering ] Party like a rock star. 149 00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:36,396 Hey, guys, it's Ted. Um, you're probably busy with the move still. 150 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,966 Um, give me a call if you wanna gab. 151 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,470 Sorry about using the word "gab." 152 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,538 Ted, stop pining over Marshall and Lily. 153 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,707 Have some self-respect. 154 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,308 Now put this fiver in your mouth... 155 00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,978 so that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with her-- 156 00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,245 Barney! Wh-What? 157 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:55,182 I'm allowed to miss them. They're my two best friends. 158 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,451 I'm your two best friends! 159 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:01,522 And we're here tonight to show you there's no need to miss something... 160 00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:05,092 when you can replace it with something better! 161 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,595 [ Announcer ] Gentlemen, say hello to J-J-Jasmine! 162 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:10,330 [ Barney Chortling ] [ Audience Cheering ] 163 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:13,501 ** [ Rock ] 164 00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,472 ** [ Rock ] 165 00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,173 Remember her? 166 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,343 [ Ted Narrating ] A while back, we discovered the most amazing thing-- 167 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:28,348 Lily had a doppelgänger who was a Russian stripper. 168 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:32,853 Look at her, Ted. She's just like old, less-good Lily, 169 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,322 but instead of bossing us around, she shows us her boobs! 170 00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:36,924 No touching. 171 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,192 Okay, a little bossing us around. 172 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,729 I call her Better Lily. 173 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,665 Hey, Better Lily, please dance for my friend. 174 00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:46,767 Barney, I don't need a lap dance. 175 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:49,703 I need to talk to my friends. 176 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,705 Who says you can't do both? 177 00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:53,707 Talk to her. She's got ears. 178 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,676 Yes! She does have ears! 179 00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:59,112 You want to touch my girlfriend's boobs? Fifty bucks. 180 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:02,750 Wait. Better Lily is dating this behemoth? 181 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,952 Sound like anyone you know? 182 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,521 That's New Marshall! 183 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,790 This is our gang now! 184 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,925 ** [ Folk: Russian ] 185 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,596 ** [ Men's Choir Vocalizing ] 186 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,703 ** [ Ends ] 187 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,638 Hey, guys. Ted again. 188 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:29,677 Starting to think you forgot about me or replaced me with some cool neighbor. 189 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,813 What's his name? I'm totally kidding. 190 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,783 Anyway, uh, just trying to remember what your faces look like. 191 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:39,553 Ted, when they serve alcohol at a strip club, you're not allowed to show your vagina. 192 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:42,690 100 bucks and you will see the world, my friend. 193 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:45,425 They're already ignoring my calls? 194 00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,127 Look, I'm realistic. 195 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,630 I knew I'd have to get used to going to the dentist alone, 196 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:52,032 but I didn't think they'd cut me out completely! 197 00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,234 If they don't need us, we don't need them! 198 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,604 Yes! Finally. 199 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:59,840 By the way, did you see how she opened that bottle? [ Chuckling ] 200 00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:05,813 [ Marshall ] Whoa. Lights out in the suburbs is-is really dark. 201 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,248 Where's the fuse box? [ Lily ] I don't know. 202 00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:11,384 [ Beeps ] I know where it is! 203 00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:15,623 Maybe I could fix it for you if I wasn't so busy packing. 204 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:18,225 [ Marshall ] You know what? I bet the fuse box is in the basement. 205 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:21,128 I'll just-- I'll go find it myself. How hard can it be? 206 00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:22,830 [ Thump ] [ Marshall Groans ] 207 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,099 As hard as that desk you just walked into? [ Chortling ] 208 00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:29,837 Good burn, Mickey! 209 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,873 You deserve a little nightstand fudge for that one. 210 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,276 [ Thinking ] Where do I look? I can't look at her chest-- 211 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,979 Damn it! I just did! Maybe Robin didn't notice. 212 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,548 [ Thinking ] Man, he's really up in those jugs. 213 00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:44,117 [ Laughs ] Shake it, baby! 214 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,586 A playa's gotta play. 215 00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:49,857 [ Thinking ] This is weird. I'll just look her in the eyes. 216 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:53,526 [ Thinking ] Is he falling in love with this stripper? 217 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,896 [ Thinking ] Quick. Do something cool. 218 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,632 Make it rain, son! Money ain't no thang! 219 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,201 [ Thinking ] Damn it! There was a 20 in there! 220 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:07,374 [ Tinkling ] 221 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,211 [ Mickey On Intercom ] Hello, Mr. Eriksen. 222 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:14,915 From the sound of the wind chimes, I hear you've made it to the first floor. 223 00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:17,017 Okay, you-- you know what, Mickey? 224 00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:20,620 You can save the creepy game master routine. 225 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,024 It's only kind of terrifying me. 226 00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,193 Oh, but the game has just begun. 227 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:29,029 I call it: Try Not to Bang into All the Furniture and Stuff... 228 00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:33,433 on Your Way to the Fuse Box in the Basement, Marshall. 229 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,602 That's just a working title. 230 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:40,774 Hey, you got a little boob glitter on your eyebrow, mack daddy. 231 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,475 Straight pimpin'. 232 00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,177 Barney, you got a little bit too. 233 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,246 Where? 234 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,149 Yeah. Did I get it? 235 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,417 Yeah, you got it. 236 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,585 Who needs Marshall and Lily? 237 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:56,656 We got a new gang, and we're all gonna hang out together forever. 238 00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:59,092 My shift is done. Good-bye. 239 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,527 Wait, stop. 240 00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,963 Technically, this song's not over, so we still own you. 241 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,065 Plus we're best friends! 242 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,034 Where to next? 243 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,869 We go to underground poker game... 244 00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,904 in mostly-abandoned insane asylum. 245 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,273 Yes! 246 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,607 This is gonna be awesome! 247 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,878 And when it is, I want you all to remember who led you there-- 248 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,748 Barney Stinson, new group leader. 249 00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:33,126 [ Laughing ] Yay! 250 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,262 I'm winning all your chippies! 251 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,464 [ Giggling ] 252 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,066 [ Muttering ] Okay, stop. 253 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,201 I'm thirsty. It's good. It's good. 254 00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,836 [ Intercom Beeps ] 255 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,371 [ Lily ] Marshall, I just remembered. 256 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:47,574 I saw a box of matches in the drawer by the trash can. 257 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,109 Okay, thanks, baby. 258 00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,385 Lily, I can't find them! 259 00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,689 Looking for these? [ Chortling ] 260 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,992 Oh, right. You can't see me. 261 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:08,628 Um, well, I'm burning the matches you so desperately need. 262 00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:12,199 [ Chortling ] 263 00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:14,401 Aah! Ooh! Ow! 264 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,369 Ow. 265 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,271 Ha! Oh! Ha-ha-ha! 266 00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:21,674 Mickey, guess who found the basement stairs! 267 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,977 I'll be down at that fuse box in no time, 268 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,213 and, when I get there, 269 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,215 I'm sure that, um, I'll figure out... 270 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:31,051 how fuse boxes work, so it'll be fine. 271 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:34,187 Hey, Marshall, I know I've been messing with you, 272 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,223 but, seriously, that second step, don't-- 273 00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:38,358 I don't wanna hear it, Mickey. 274 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:42,695 [ Yelling ] 275 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,664 [ Clattering Down Stairs ] 276 00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:47,034 Oh, my knee! Ow! 277 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,070 [ Cymbals Crashing ] And watch out for my drum set. 278 00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:53,206 I win again! 279 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,209 I was bluffing! I didn't even have enough cards! 280 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,114 Ted, please stop winning. 281 00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,516 Hey, look. It's the New York City skyline. 282 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,318 * We built Chip City * 283 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:06,854 [ Grunting ] 284 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:10,157 * We built Chip City on all your dough * 285 00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:11,791 * Built Chip City ** 286 00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,894 - [ Groaning ] - [ Barney Screaming ] 287 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:20,400 You know, Butterfly Knife-- [ Grunts ] 288 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:25,372 I'd expect this from Face Tattoo or Jagged Cheek Scar or Larry. 289 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:30,343 - But not you. - Why don't I get nickname? 290 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,913 Because you have too many things, Larry! You get one thing! 291 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,882 [ Barney Gasping ] 292 00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:38,051 [ Speaking Russian ] 293 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:42,389 See? That's why you bring New Marshall! 294 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,757 [ Giggling ] 295 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:48,128 [ Gasping, Panting ] 296 00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:52,265 We go to party in slaughterhouse. You come? 297 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:55,102 [ Thinking ] Please, God, no! 298 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,370 [ Thinking, Sobbing ] Don't let me be in charge... 299 00:13:57,437 --> 00:14:00,240 of the gang anymore! 300 00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,943 [ Thinking ] I can't believe Dr. Kevin doesn't remember me... 301 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,978 from our sessions three years ago. 302 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:08,648 [ Thinking ] Is that the lunatic that stabbed all those prison guards? 303 00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,583 [ Thinking ] We gotta hit that party! 304 00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,019 I'll never find love. 305 00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,454 We gotta hit that party! 306 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,489 Sweet. Sweet. 307 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,160 Lily? 308 00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:23,696 I think we made a mistake moving out to the suburbs. 309 00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,899 I miss our home. 310 00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,535 I miss our booth with our friends. 311 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,437 [ Cymbals Crash ] 312 00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,941 And I'm pretty sure I have a drumstick... 313 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,243 somewhere bad. 314 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,778 Dad? Why are you acting like this? 315 00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,981 Well, I was just trying to be helpful. 316 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:43,150 But you guys want me out by the Fourth of July. 317 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,185 Tomorrow. [ Sighs ] 318 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,220 You know what a helpful father-- 319 00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,689 not to mention grandfather-- might do? 320 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:52,025 Get these lights back on. 321 00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,331 [ Beeps ] 322 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,334 Okay, Marshall, listen up. I'm gonna get you to that fuse box. 323 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,237 Can't you just come down here and do it for me, please? 324 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,339 I don't know anything about this house. 325 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:10,577 No, Marshall, you don't know anything about your house. 326 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,317 All right, we got a lot of work to do. 327 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:19,119 Wait here. 328 00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:22,722 We get you on "V.P.I." list for party. 329 00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:26,994 You give us, uh, $200 per person cover charge. 330 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,429 That's pretty steep for a cover charge. 331 00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:31,798 Is very good party. 332 00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,933 Is party for, uh, 333 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:36,336 New York Yankees and Coca-Cola. 334 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,806 Oh, my God! A Coca-Cola Yankees party? 335 00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,708 That sounds like a real thing! 336 00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,280 Okay, now, Marshall, take three steps forward... 337 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,217 while ducking underneath the broken ceiling fan. 338 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,254 Now look to your left and spit. 339 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,523 [ Spits ] [ Sizzling ] 340 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,691 That's the water heater. You wanna stay away from that. 341 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:03,096 That baby is hotter than the Widow Rodriguez in a unitard. 342 00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:07,834 Okay, past the washer and dryer is the hardest part. 343 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:10,270 You're gonna have to belly-crawl underneath the ping-pong table, 344 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,705 and don't so much as nudge it. 345 00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:16,009 - Why not? - Because there are 900 dominoes... 346 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,345 set up in the shape of Barbara Eden. 347 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:20,513 Big, big I Dream of Jeannie fan. 348 00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,020 I'm clear! [ Thump ] 349 00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:30,557 [ Dominoes Rippling ] 350 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,860 I don't know what that sound is, Mickey. 351 00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,896 That's the sound of Barbara Eden never banging me. That's what that is. 352 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,299 Dad, get it back. 353 00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,970 [ Beeps ] [ Dominoes Rippling ] 354 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,406 Okay, Marshall, take three steps forward... 355 00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:48,641 and you should be at the fuse box. 356 00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,744 Do you think he made it? 357 00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:53,680 [ Click ] [ Gasps ] 358 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:56,049 [ Gasps ] I did it! 359 00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,085 No, Marshall. 360 00:16:58,151 --> 00:16:59,652 You did it. 361 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,690 [ Ted Narrating ] Fun fact. 362 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,659 That night inspired Mickey's one and only successful board game. 363 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:10,297 [ Man Singing ] * With splintery floorboards and rusty nails * 364 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:14,734 * Make sure you don't get impaled * 365 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,069 [ Electricity Crackles ] * Lites Out! ** 366 00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:19,038 [ Announcer ] Brought to you by Aldrin Games! 367 00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:22,675 Well, judging from how many clients that hooker has serviced, 368 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,777 I'd say we've been here almost an hour. 369 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,046 Ted, we've been robbed. 370 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,849 Better Lily and New Marshall would never rob us. 371 00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,818 They're our best friends! 372 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,287 [ Barney Gasping ] [ New Marshall Speaking Russian ] 373 00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:39,058 Damn it, Ted. 374 00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:41,828 New Marshall is an escaped zoo bear, 375 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,531 and the only thing that Better Lily is better at than our Lily... 376 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:47,800 is over-the-pants hand stuff, I'm assuming. 377 00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,170 I'll admit it. 378 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:53,173 I can't lead this group. We need Marshall and Lily. 379 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,142 But they're gone, aren't they? 380 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:59,246 I mean, it'll go from seeing them a couple times a week to a couple times a month, 381 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,581 and then it'll just be holiday parties. 382 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,551 Then the years pass... 383 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:06,819 and you find out Marshall's dead, 384 00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,389 and you're there for Lily emotionally at first, 385 00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,724 but then it becomes sexual and you feel guilty. 386 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:15,128 But maybe that guilt just makes it dirtier and better. 387 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,696 No! I won't let that happen. 388 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,166 Especially that last part. 389 00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:22,469 Look, I know I've been a little drunk and naive tonight, but here's what's gonna happen. 390 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,238 First, we're gonna leave a note for Better Lily and Arvydas. 391 00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:27,440 - They're worriers. - Oh, buddy. 392 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:30,243 Then we're gonna go see Only Marshall and One-Of-A-Kind Lily... 393 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,280 because they're our best friends and they're only 46 minutes away! 394 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:37,284 - Are you with me? - Kinda resent the power grab, but, okay, let's go! 395 00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,686 Hey, do you wanna come to Long Island with us? 396 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:43,055 Uh, well, there's still a few more hours before the sun comes up. 397 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,791 [ Together ] So-- 398 00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:46,293 No. No? 399 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,094 Is that bad? [ Exhales ] 400 00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:49,929 No. It's great. 401 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:53,633 Ooh, it felt so good. I hate doing things and going anywhere. 402 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:56,135 New experiences suck! [ Laughing ] 403 00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:58,338 While we're at it, I hate high-fiving you! 404 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:02,609 I know. We're adults who are sleeping together, not teens pledging a frat. 405 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:11,351 [ Thinking ] Aw, man, I really liked the high-five. 406 00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:13,220 [ Ted Narrating ] The next morning, 407 00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:15,422 Marshall and Lily woke up to a surprise. 408 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,191 [ Wind Chimes Tinkling ] 409 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:24,397 Hey, what are you-- what are you guys doing here? 410 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:28,835 Just wanted to make sure this key worked. 411 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:31,037 [ Sighs ] We missed you. 412 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,039 Give mama a hug. 413 00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:36,243 [ All Sighing ] 414 00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:38,110 Uh, don't check your voice mail. 415 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,079 You might have a couple weird ones. 416 00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:41,514 You hear this? ** [ Rock ] 417 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,616 This is the sound of me moving on! 418 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,685 Whoo! 419 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:48,355 [ Laughing ] 420 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:51,358 Yeah! I'm a stripper! 421 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:55,662 Okay! Who wants pancakes? 422 00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,666 Which two of you want pancakes? 423 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,100 I'll make more. 424 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:04,136 - Oh, good, good, good! 'Cause I want pancakes! - There you go. 425 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,138 Okay. Enjoy 'em. 426 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:09,542 Hey, honey. Look, I-I'm sorry I was a jerk before. Okay? 427 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,344 I'll-- I'll leave right after breakfast. 428 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,280 I'll crash with some friends. 429 00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:16,015 Dad, you know what? You can stay. 430 00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:18,651 Oh, thank God. I got no friends. 431 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,687 I'll be here two weeks, tops. 432 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,356 [ Ted Narrating ] It wasn't two weeks. 433 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:27,360 Would the five of us always live within a few minutes of that booth? 434 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:30,129 No. That's life, kids. 435 00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:32,365 But here's what I discovered. 436 00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,668 Our booth was wherever the five of us were together. 437 00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,943 That's right, Widow Rodriguez. 438 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,746 Stretch it. Work those gams. 439 00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:48,348 Ooh, yeah. 440 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,683 Grab that left arm. 441 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,785 Clutch that chest. 442 00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:55,021 Fall down really fast-- 443 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:58,425 Oh, my God! Somebody call 911!