1 00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:05,873 [ Robin ] Kids, have I ever told you the story of how I met your father? 2 00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:09,243 Well, I'll just skip ahead to the moment I told him I was pregnant. 3 00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,181 [ Groans ] What happened? 4 00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,748 Did I pass out? 5 00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:16,484 Not exactly. 6 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,252 I'm pregnant. 7 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,558 Are you sure you're not just getting fat? 8 00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,694 [ Groans ] 9 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,663 Oh, yeah. 10 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,699 So, um, you're pregnant. 11 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,534 [ Sighs ] Yeah. Huh. 12 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,638 Looks like nobody told your boobs. [ Chuckles ] 13 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:42,943 [ Groans ] What happened? Did I pass out? 14 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,645 - Oh, my-- - Please stop hitting me! 15 00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,249 Okay, are-- 16 00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:51,219 Are you sure you're-- 17 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,621 Well, no, not positive. 18 00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,456 I'm a week late. But I am never late. 19 00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,891 It's a point of pride with me. 20 00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:00,561 I'm gonna go see the doctor on Monday to find out for sure. 21 00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:03,231 Until then, not a word of this to anyone. 22 00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,166 Not even Kevin? 23 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:08,369 I mean, it's probably his. 24 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,339 I've spent years training my boys to swim the other way. 25 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,175 Kevin and I haven't had sex yet. 26 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,544 If I'm pregnant, you're the dad. 27 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:20,781 That's... wonderful! 28 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:21,949 Huh? 29 00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:23,651 I'm gonna be a daddy! 30 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:28,189 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 31 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,559 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 32 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,466 ** [ Ends ] 33 00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:44,071 Okay, one scotch for me. 34 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,673 One iced tea in a rocks glass for Mommy. 35 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,576 Stop it. Sorry, sorry. Keeping it secret. 36 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,547 Ooh, I think I gave you the wrong one. Here, let me just-- 37 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:56,684 Give it to me. Drop it. Let go. Ye-- I don't-- You-- 38 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,552 Take it away from you. 39 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:02,089 Barney, why are you so happy about this? 40 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,392 Because this is perfect! I wanna be a dad. 41 00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:07,328 This is not good news. I have a boyfriend. 42 00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:09,129 Yeah, but if Kevin weren't around-- 43 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,831 It doesn't matter! 44 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,534 I don't want kids. I've never wanted kids. 45 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:17,438 And never in a million years will I ever want kids. 46 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:20,007 [ Robin ] Sorry, kids. 47 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,476 I can't have a baby. 48 00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:27,147 Hey, guys. Guess what this is? 49 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,350 One of your socks? Boom! You're huge. 50 00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:32,686 No, it's our unborn son's Christmas stocking. 51 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:36,457 Grandma Gunderson started knitting it the day Lily and I got married. 52 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,092 She died before she could finish. 53 00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,361 Hmm. 54 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,862 I miss stockings. 55 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,897 My stepdad, Clint, made us get rid of anything... 56 00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,300 that reminds him of the commercialization of Christmas. 57 00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:48,669 I thought you said he dresses up as Santa. 58 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:52,840 Yeah, but, uh, to protest gender stereotypes, he plays Santa as a woman. 59 00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,107 Though he keeps the beard. 60 00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:57,711 The result... is... disturbing. 61 00:02:57,745 --> 00:02:59,313 Well, we should go. 62 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:03,083 We have to get to We B Babies so that we can register for our shower. 63 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,118 No can do. 64 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:08,522 I have a big project that I'm working on. 65 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:13,427 - This is Richard Holdman's house in East Meadow. - ** [ Festive ] 66 00:03:13,461 --> 00:03:16,997 Last year, he had the most visited Christmas display in the Tri-State area. 67 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,799 But not this year. You know why? 68 00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:21,569 Because Big Fudge has come to town. 69 00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,904 And he brought his two friends-- 70 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,573 Mannheim... Steamroller. 71 00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:27,140 Game on. 72 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:29,142 - [ Hiccups ] - Are you okay? 73 00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,545 Yeah. Uh, it's just, um-- 74 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,415 I hate Mannheim Steamroller. 75 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,484 Isn't there anyone else you can use? 76 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:39,420 Come on. Who am I gonna use if not the Steamroller? 77 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,589 I don't know. AC/DC? 78 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,591 AC/DC. 79 00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:45,826 Robin, do you have any idea... 80 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:48,296 why they call them Mannheim Steamroller? 81 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:52,633 Because they rock... so hard, so festively... 82 00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:55,969 that steam comes out of your brain... 83 00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,606 as it melts. 84 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:01,208 So, I have to go to We B Babies by myself? 85 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,843 Robin and I will go with you. 86 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,981 Barney, what are we doing here? 87 00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:11,385 I wanna show you that having a kid is nothing to be afraid of. 88 00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,186 [ Chattering, Laughing ] [ Crashing ] 89 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,356 [ Groaning ] Kids, stop. 90 00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,091 [ Imitates Gunshot ] 91 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:21,729 Okay, first on the registry-- nipple butter. Uh-oh. 92 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,866 As you breast-feed, your nipples stretch out, like, four inches and get all dry and cracked. 93 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,901 The nipple butter stops the bleeding. 94 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:33,106 My four-inch nipples are gonna crack and bleed! 95 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:37,110 Yes, but while the baby's gnawing on your bleeding nips, 96 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:39,613 look what she'll be wearing! 97 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:46,887 Insane Duane? 98 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,724 Barney? 99 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:53,494 [ Robin Narrating ] Insane Duane was your father's best friend... 100 00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:56,764 back in the days before he met me or your Uncle Ted. 101 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,034 Goin' back to her place. Boom! 102 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:05,439 All right, you win! Here's 20 for picking up a girl with only one word. 103 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,975 And here's another 20 for that word being "boner." 104 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:11,512 Thank you. I will meet you back here in an hour when I'm done with, uh-- 105 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,817 Who cares what her name is? She won't be around long enough for it to matter. 106 00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,852 [ Laughs ] Nice. 107 00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:23,757 - Honey, this is my friend-- - Shh. 108 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,727 I can't believe I haven't seen you around. 109 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,697 Well, after Sheila and I had that quickie, 110 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:34,267 my life's been playdates, preschools and poops. 111 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:37,838 - I haven't set foot in a bar in years. - You stopped drinking? 112 00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,641 Oh, I still drink. 113 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,244 Vaginal numbing spray. 114 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:48,982 Apparently, after childbirth, your hoo-ha looks like Rocky Balboa's face. 115 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,084 You can't have a baby! I can't have a baby! 116 00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:55,088 [ Robin Narrating ] The next day, we went to the doctor. 117 00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:58,258 Well, Mrs. Scherbatsky, I'm sure that you and your husband-- 118 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,795 - Uh, he's not my husband. - Oh, I am so sorry. Your boyfriend then. 119 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,931 - He's not my boyfriend. - [ Mutters In Russian ] 120 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,500 All right, well, I will just cut to the chase, yeah? 121 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,001 Wait. Wait. All right. 122 00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,606 - Okay. - All right, we're ready. Good. 123 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,675 Um, you? Not pregnant. 124 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,044 - [ Robin Sighs ] - Yeah! 125 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,947 ** [ iPod: Dance ] Oh, yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about! 126 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:23,183 [ Yelling ] 127 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,718 Yeah! You know! You know! 128 00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,987 [ Robin ] Again, sorry, kids. 129 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:32,192 Hey, mister. Are you putting up all these Christmas lights? 130 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:37,297 Oh, kid, by the time I'm done, you're gonna be able to see this sumbitch from outer space. 131 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,767 Cool. 132 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,902 I wanted to put lights on our house, but... 133 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,538 my dad says he's too busy with work and stuff. 134 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,176 Hey, what do you say, uh, 135 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:52,279 you come back here next weekend and help me out? 136 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,915 Yeah. You've got yourself a deal! 137 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,450 I'm Scott. I'm-- 138 00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,887 Mr. Eriksen. 139 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,022 Thanks, Mr. E! 140 00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:06,560 Mr. E. 141 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:09,963 Looks like some little scamp just earned the right to put the Vikings helmet on Baby Jesus. 142 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,001 [ Robin Narrating ] Later that week, 143 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:17,037 as I was enjoying every second of not being pregnant-- 144 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,872 [ TV: Male Announcer ] Next on Teenage Mommies. 145 00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,874 [ TV: Girl ] But you said you'd watch Bella! 146 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,843 [ TV: Girl #2 ] I have cheerleading practice! 147 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,946 [ Chuckles ] Sucks to be you, Braces! 148 00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,181 [ Phone Rings ] 149 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:30,551 Oh. Yello! 150 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,055 Uh, yeah, I can come back in. 151 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:38,526 Robin, we ran some tests last week. 152 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:42,663 This is going to be difficult to hear. 153 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:46,634 [ Robin Narrating ] And then the doctor said a bunch of medical stuff that-- 154 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:49,402 Well, the gist of it was this. 155 00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,539 I can't have a baby? 156 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:59,112 No, you can't have a baby. 157 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,851 Uh, great. 158 00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:07,020 Uh, well, I mean, um, not-not great. 159 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:10,223 I mean, I've never wanted kids, so if it has to happen to someone, it-- 160 00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:14,127 Robin, is there anyone you can talk to about this? 161 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,896 Perhaps a close friend. 162 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,465 [ Robin Narrating ] I knew I could have talked to my friends. 163 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:22,035 But it's just, I already knew exactly how they would all react. 164 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:25,338 Ted would go into overdrive trying to make me feel better. 165 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:28,742 You need comfort food. Fried chicken, mac 'n' cheese, mashed potatoes. 166 00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,544 Open your present. I'll work on these shoulders. 167 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,946 Okay, just breathe, relax, eat your chicken. 168 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:36,784 Come on, eat! Breathe! Open it! Breathe! Open it! Eat! 169 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:39,186 Robin, why are you so tense? [ Groans ] 170 00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,188 [ Robin Narrating ] Lily would just implode. 171 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:45,693 And here I've been going on and on about babies. 172 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:50,030 [ Sobbing ] Oh, I am such a bad friend! 173 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,602 And I'd wind up comforting her. It's okay. 174 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:57,437 You have to punch me in the face! 175 00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:01,441 Marshall would ask me a ton of questions I don't know the answers to. 176 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,376 - Have you thought about adoption? - Um, well-- 177 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:06,013 Does this kind of thing run in your family? Uh-- 178 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:09,149 What was the date, duration and consistency of your last period? 179 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,887 And your father would bend over backwards trying to make me laugh. 180 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,489 A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar-- 181 00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,826 No, a barbershop. No, a post office. 182 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,428 No, it's two priests. No, it's two ducks. 183 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:24,865 No, a priest holding a duck. And he's Polish. The priest, not the duck. 184 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,668 Actually, the duck could be Polish too. Doesn't matter. 185 00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,402 Yes, it does. The duck's not Polish. 186 00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,706 And when that didn't work, he would actually bend over backwards. 187 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,876 Pratfall! Whoa! [ Groans ] 188 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:40,814 The bottom line is I didn't feel like talking about it. So when Ted asked-- 189 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:43,450 Hey, Robin, you okay? You look upset. 190 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:46,920 I just came up with the first lie that popped into my head. 191 00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:49,389 Yeah, uh, 192 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,725 I just found out I can never... 193 00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:54,862 b-be a pole-vaulter for the Canadian Olympic team. 194 00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,030 I'm too tall or something. 195 00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:59,299 I'm so sorry. I had no idea. 196 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,368 Can we get some fried chicken over here? Stat! 197 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,337 I am such a bad friend! 198 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:07,340 Three slutty nuns show up at St. Peter's-- Wait, wait. They're not slutty. 199 00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,276 Well, they are, but you're not supposed to know that yet. 200 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,779 - [ Phone Rings ] - Hey, baby. What's up? 201 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,948 Hey, uh, listen, the construction of the Symphony of Illumination... 202 00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:17,484 is taking a little longer than I thought. 203 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,253 Good thing I have Scott here to help me. Right, Scott? 204 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,922 You betcha, Mr. E! 205 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:25,592 Bad news. Robin's too tall to be an Olympic pole vaulter. 206 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,127 Has she filed an appeal with the I.O.C.? 207 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,729 Have you filed an appeal with the I.O.C.? 208 00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,664 Could she make herself shorter by slouching? 209 00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:31,999 Can you make yourself shorter by slouching? 210 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,233 Has she considered going back to school... 211 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:34,634 and competing at the collegiate level? 212 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,269 Have you considered going back to school-- 213 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:39,306 - I don't want to talk about it! - Sorry. 214 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,574 Okay, I love you, baby. See ya tomorrow. 215 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,110 Okay, I love you too. 216 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,878 Whoops. 217 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,479 [ Phone Clatters On Ground ] 218 00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,381 Scott? Scott, I dropped my phone! 219 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:49,917 Yep. Found it. 220 00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,352 - Could you bring it up here? - You got it. 221 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,988 Hey, while I'm at it, can I get you a beer? 222 00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,959 He wants to bring the old man a beer. 223 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,561 Yeah, sure. Uh, there's a whole case in the fridge. 224 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:02,996 Thanks, son. 225 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,232 Do you-- Do you mind if I call you "son?" 226 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:08,068 You can call me whatever you want... 227 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,669 jackass. 228 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:15,375 Scott, the ladder fell. 229 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:18,111 Scott? 230 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:22,015 ** [ Stereo: Hip-hop, Loud ] 231 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:27,087 ** [ Continues ] 232 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,095 Scott! 233 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:38,098 ** [ Muzak: "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" ] 234 00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:45,638 Listen, I know things have been kind of weird between you and me these past couple weeks, 235 00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:48,742 so I just want to say, I'm-I'm glad we're back to where we started. 236 00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,510 Yeah. Friends with benefits. 237 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,779 No. Just like always. 238 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,013 Never been that. Just friends. 239 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,816 With benefits. We'll talk about it later. 240 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,918 Look at all these babies. Hmm. 241 00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:01,221 Isn't it crazy how, now that we're not having one, babies are cute again? 242 00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,091 Ha-ha! Look at that one. 243 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,593 I'm good. No, I'm serious. Look, look. 244 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:10,263 - [ Barney Laughs ] - Aw, damn it, that thing's cute as crap. 245 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:11,932 [ Gasps ] 246 00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,300 [ Whispering ] Screw you, baby. 247 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,037 ** [ Hip-hop Continues ] Scott? 248 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:21,008 - Scott! What is going on? - Hey, Mr. E. 249 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:24,277 Scott, if you do not let me down, 250 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:27,547 I am going to scream my head off until someone comes to help me, 251 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,917 and then you're gonna have to explain all of this to the cops. 252 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:33,486 And then you'll have to explain why there's a picture of my ding-dong on your phone. 253 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,688 There is no picture of your-- 254 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,891 There is now. [ Shutter Clicks ] 255 00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:39,893 Oh, yeah. That's a beauty. 256 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,863 Scott! Scott! 257 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,464 ** [ Continues ] 258 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:45,833 [ Whispers ] Scott! 259 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,768 Marshall keeps asking me... 260 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:51,171 to text him pictures of my boobies. 261 00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:55,375 After all these years, he sometimes still acts like a teenager. 262 00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,377 I'll be right back. 263 00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:04,551 Insane Duane. 264 00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:07,787 It's... Sane Duane now. 265 00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,957 You used to be magnificent. 266 00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:18,198 [ Sighs Quietly ] 267 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,734 Are you okay? Yeah. 268 00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,570 Yeah, um-- 269 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:27,774 I guess this, um-- this pole vaulting thing is finally hitting me. 270 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:31,644 I don't get it, Robin. Did you really want to be a pole vaulter? 271 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,313 No. 272 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,048 No, I was, uh-- 273 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:38,451 I was always adamantly against having a-- 274 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,153 uh, a pole vaulting career, 275 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,189 even though it's what most women want. 276 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,691 Most women want to be a pole vaulter? 277 00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,693 In Canada. It's very big up there. 278 00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:51,164 You know, it's meet a nice guy, get married, vault some poles. 279 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:55,368 But I never wanted that. 280 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,537 Of course, it-it's one thing not to want something. 281 00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,606 It's another to be told you can't have it. 282 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:02,809 I guess it-it's just nice... 283 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:07,948 knowing that you could someday do it if you changed your mind. 284 00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:13,253 But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed. 285 00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:19,159 What about the one where you ski and shoot at the same time? 286 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,228 That seems like something you'd be good at. 287 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:25,732 Oh, my God, Robin. Look at this. 288 00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:28,468 O Cana-dorable! Am I right? 289 00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,737 Excuse me. 290 00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,106 [ Mumbling ] Yep, this works. 291 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:39,412 - ** [ Hip-hop ] - Scott! 292 00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:42,916 When I get down from here, you are gonna be in big, big trouble, mister! 293 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:46,753 Come on, Mr. E. Didn't you ever cut loose when you were a kid? 294 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,156 That's irrelevant. 295 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:51,591 But of course I did. 296 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,361 One time, when my parents were out of town, 297 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:58,198 my brothers and I set the basement on fire... 298 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,034 hosting an amateur wrestling exhibition. 299 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,637 There were some theatrics. 300 00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:07,240 See? You get me. 301 00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:10,510 I don't think of you as some dummy I trapped on the roof. 302 00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:14,181 I-I think of you more like-- like my dad. 303 00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:19,819 Can we keep the party going for 30 more minutes? Please? 304 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:22,755 ** [ Continues ] 305 00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:24,591 Okay, Scott. 306 00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:26,259 Thanks, Pop. 307 00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:32,632 It's fine. The kid just needed to blow off some steam. 308 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,537 ** [ Continues ] [ Shouting, Cheering ] 309 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,543 No! Grandma Gunderson knitted that! 310 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,147 Scott! 311 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,282 That was crazy. 312 00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,951 She just ran out of there crying. 313 00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:54,221 Now she's not answering her phone. 314 00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:57,124 She's been acting really weird for a few weeks now. 315 00:15:57,157 --> 00:16:00,427 Really since the night we discussed the hurricane. 316 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,729 Barney, you split a cab home. Did she say anything? 317 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,001 We really didn't talk much. 318 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,570 Well, lucky for us... 319 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:14,507 someone at this table is skilled in the art of detection. 320 00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,444 Robin's upset. 321 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,213 She and Kevin are having trouble. 322 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:21,914 - He cheated on her. - [ Lily ] No way. 323 00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:24,084 Kevin's an honest, decent guy... 324 00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:27,354 who never on his best day could pull a hotter chick than Robin. 325 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,522 Maybe Robin cheated on him. 326 00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:33,126 Maybe Robin is the dirty bird who slept with someone else. 327 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:37,264 I don't know. This pole vaulting thing seems like a slam dunk to me. 328 00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:40,400 Oh, it is so obvious! Barney! 329 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,970 What is the name of that guy you worked with? 330 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,538 Uh, Randy? It was Randy. 331 00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:48,641 Wait a second. I just cracked this case. 332 00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,378 - [ Whimpers ] - The little maple leaf onesie. 333 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:54,381 It made her homesick. That's why she's so upset! 334 00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:55,982 She's not going home for Christmas. 335 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,784 She wants me to invite her to Ohio. 336 00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,719 That's gotta be it! 337 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,855 Either that or she slept with Barney. [ Chuckling ] 338 00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:05,192 [ Both Chuckling ] [ Laughing ] 339 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,496 [ Muttering, Laughing ] 340 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,299 [ Laughing Stops ] 341 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,902 [ Coughs ] 342 00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,304 Oh, you must be Scott. 343 00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:20,173 Oh, uh, hello, ma'am. 344 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:22,209 It's nice to finally see your face. 345 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,812 Well, better go hit those books. 346 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,081 Hold it right there, young man. 347 00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,584 This is for helping out my husband. 348 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,088 Wow! Fifty bucks? 349 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,823 Merry Christmas. 350 00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:48,168 Lily! 351 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,203 An airplane ticket to Cleveland? 352 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:53,840 I know it's not Canada, but it starts with a "C" and it's cold as balls. 353 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:56,343 So get packed. You're coming home with me for Christmas. 354 00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,745 Yeah, nice try, dude. 355 00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:02,949 I wouldn't go to Cleveland for $125 million paid over six years. 356 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,652 Still? Still with the LeBron jokes? 357 00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:08,555 Where's that ring, huh? Where's that ring he's supposed to have by now? 358 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,224 I just-- I thought you were... 359 00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:12,992 bummed about not going home for Christmas. 360 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,162 Are you kidding? 361 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,164 I love New York at Christmas. 362 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:19,966 It's so quiet and peaceful. 363 00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,202 Got my eggnog to keep me company. 364 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,604 Robin, what's wrong? 365 00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:25,905 Nothing. 366 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,107 Just tell me. Why do you need to know so bad? 367 00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:31,778 So I can cheer you up. It's not your job to cheer me up. 368 00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:34,013 Yes, it is. Cheering you up is my job. 369 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:35,682 Well, then you're fired. 370 00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:38,185 You can't fire me. I'm union, bitch. 371 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,052 It's not your job to cheer me up. Yes, it is. 372 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,588 No, it's not. Yes, it is! 373 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,822 No, it's not! 374 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,294 Merry Christmas, Ted. 375 00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:50,363 Merry Christmas. 376 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:57,537 [ Robin Narrating ] So, kids, I settled in for a Christmas alone. 377 00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:00,340 I appreciated that Ted wanted to cheer me up, 378 00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:04,143 but, honestly, it wasn't necessary. 379 00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:07,247 So I can't have kids. Big deal. 380 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,749 This way, there's no one to hold me back in life. 381 00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:12,719 No one to keep me from traveling where I want to travel. 382 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:15,322 No one getting in the way of my career. 383 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:18,124 If you wanna know the truth of it, 384 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,227 I'm glad you guys aren't real. 385 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,575 Really glad. 386 00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:50,957 [ Sighs ] 387 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,227 [ Clicking ] Damn it. 388 00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:57,464 - [ Sighs ] - ** [ Rock: AC/DC ] 389 00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:01,334 ** [ Continues ] 390 00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:08,475 ** [ Continues ] 391 00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,244 Yes, it is. 392 00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:15,047 You don't wanna tell me what's wrong? 393 00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:16,683 Fine. I don't need to know. 394 00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,686 But you can never stop me... 395 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,588 from trying to cheer you up. 396 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:25,057 It's a fact of life. You're just gonna have to deal with it. 397 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,860 Ted, I-- Hold on, hold on. This is the best part. 398 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:34,534 * I'm on a highway to hell 399 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,904 * On the highway to hell 400 00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:42,875 * Highway to hell 401 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:46,513 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, your Aunt Robin never became a pole vaulter, 402 00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:48,548 but she did become a famous journalist, 403 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,551 a successful businesswoman, a world traveler. 404 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,486 She was even briefly a bullfighter. 405 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,623 That's a funny story. I'll get to that one later. 406 00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:59,826 But there's one thing your Aunt Robin never was-- 407 00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:02,529 she was never alone. 408 00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:08,401 * And I'm goin' down *