1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:02,636 [ Ted Narrating ] In the fall of 2011, 2 00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:06,074 Lily and Marshall received a surprising gift from Lily's grandparents-- 3 00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,908 their house on Long Island. 4 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:11,745 Lily and Marshall decided to sell it for one simple reason. 5 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,381 It's Long Island. 6 00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:16,784 I don't wanna spend my Saturday on Long Island. I know, babe, 7 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,719 but the Realtor staged the place with fake furniture, 8 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:21,155 and she wants us to check it out before the open house. 9 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:24,358 All right. Can we at least do it on the fake bed? 10 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:27,328 You know, I'm embarrassed that you have to ask. 11 00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,330 So, they headed out to Long Island, 12 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:32,133 and when they walked in the door-- 13 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,102 We'll take it. 14 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:37,171 Baby, we can't take it. We're the ones selling it. 15 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,407 We are selling it, right? 16 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,542 Baby, your grandparents gave you this house outright, 17 00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:43,477 so the way I see it, we have five options. 18 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,978 One-- sell it. 19 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,980 Two-- year-round haunted house. 20 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,450 Three-- giant fence around the perimeter. 21 00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:50,818 Chimp sanctuary. 22 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,620 There's already a tire swing in the backyard. 23 00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:56,190 Four-- we destroy it with sledgehammers. I like four. 24 00:00:56,257 --> 00:01:01,729 Or five-- we move in, raise our children, make this our family home. 25 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,165 Until they graduate. 26 00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:07,067 Then we destroy it with sledgehammers... 27 00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,669 as a family. 28 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,906 No, this is crazy! We are New York people. 29 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:16,710 We have a big, beautiful apartment that we love. You're right. 30 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:19,480 [ Ted Narrating ] But something happened to Lily and Marshall that day, 31 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,415 something that happens to all New Yorkers... 32 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:24,152 who return home from anywhere other than New York. 33 00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:26,954 Their big, lovely apartment-- 34 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,789 Huh. That's weird. 35 00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:31,492 shrank. 36 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:45,373 [ Exhales ] Okay, after Thanksgiving, I'm cutting out carbs. 37 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,776 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 38 00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:52,313 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 39 00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,253 ** [ Ends ] 40 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:05,092 [ Ted Narrating ] Now, kids, it had been a rough couple weeks for Barney. 41 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,228 First he cheated on his girlfriend with Robin. 42 00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:09,062 Then he broke up with his girlfriend for Robin. 43 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,532 Then Robin chose Kevin over him. 44 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,801 So he was kind of in a bad place. 45 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,303 Hey, you all right? 46 00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:16,937 Why wouldn't I be all right? 47 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:20,208 Barney's single again! It's what America's been clamoring for. 48 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,276 Well, you just went through a break-up. 49 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,011 It's usually when people do something crazy. 50 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,479 If you were a girl, 51 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,315 you'd have cut bangs and be dating you by now. 52 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,317 Just promise me you won't do something crazy. 53 00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:31,652 I promise I won't do something crazy. 54 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:34,288 [ Ted Narrating ] Don't worry. He's gonna do something crazy. 55 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,557 In fact, I think I'm done with girls. 56 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,892 I'm not sure I even like 'em anymore. 57 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,629 Based on all the stuff you've done to them, I'm not sure you ever liked them. 58 00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,331 I'm serious. 59 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,132 Come on. You love girls. 60 00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:46,800 If anyone should be done with girls, it's me. 61 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:50,304 Look at the year I've had. Uh, Zoey, Victoria, the slutty pumpkin. 62 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,606 Now I'm worried you're gonna do something crazy. 63 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,642 I'm not gonna do something crazy. 64 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,311 [ Ted Narrating ] And, yes, I'm gonna do something crazy too. 65 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:01,715 But girls, man. Girls. 66 00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:04,218 - You know what would kick ass? - Being gay? 67 00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,587 Being gay would kick ass. 68 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,356 Word. Guys understand each other. 69 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:09,923 Imagine a relationship... 70 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:12,360 where instead of talking about feelings all the time, 71 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,462 you just play some Madden, eat a pizza, 72 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,196 give each other a happy, 73 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,965 roll over and have some cuddle-free shut-eye. 74 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,600 Bro, for what it's worth, 75 00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:22,636 if we were both gay, you'd be my first call. 76 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,472 Would you mind calling Marshall and telling him that? 77 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,106 - 'Cause he thinks-- - No way. 78 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:29,343 This is only in a scenario where just you and I are gay, not Marshall. 79 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:32,813 But if all three of us were gay, you'd pick me over Marshall, right? 80 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,648 If all three of us were gay? 81 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,116 Girlfriend, 82 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,319 we would all three of us have some fun. 83 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,321 Damn right we would. 84 00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,558 We're not gay. 85 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:47,928 - Nope. Stuck with girls. - Mmm! 86 00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:50,798 I wish men could have children on their own, like sea horses. 87 00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,633 Are you saying what I think you're saying? 88 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:55,002 They have a little pouch. They should be called sea kangaroos. 89 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,805 No. You-- You want kids? 90 00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,741 Maybe I've kind of lately been thinking... 91 00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:03,977 about the whole "wife and kids" thing. 92 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,146 Just... minus the wife. 93 00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:07,881 You could always go it alone. 94 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:10,050 Like Mr. Drummond on Diff'rent Strokes. 95 00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:11,885 Yeah, but that was the '80s, 96 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:14,254 when you could just swing by any inner-city playground in your limo... 97 00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:15,923 and scoop up some kids. 98 00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,991 - Hmm. Simpler times. - Hmm. 99 00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,361 I guess it's better to have someone in it with you anyway, you know? 100 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,462 Lifetime partnership. 101 00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,297 The only partnership in my life... 102 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,466 that has stood the test of time is this one-- 103 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:28,469 The sacred bond of man and bro. 104 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:30,471 Maybe we should start a family together. 105 00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:32,340 [ Both Laughing ] 106 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,344 Are you kidding? 107 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:38,211 This place is huge. 108 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,981 I-- Look. I can dance all crazy in here. 109 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,150 - Oh! - [ Lamp Shatters ] 110 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,319 [ Clears Throat ] Listen, Robin, 111 00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:49,557 are you okay with us all doing Thanksgiving out in East Meadow? 112 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,659 - Uh, yeah, I guess that'd be nice. - Oh, great! 113 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,293 And then after Thanksgiving, 114 00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,996 Lily and I were thinking that we would just stay at the house... 115 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:59,933 until, you know, we die. 116 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,769 What? No! 117 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:05,072 [ Stammers ] You can't move to Long Island. 118 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,174 But this house is so nice. 119 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,309 It's big and it's clean, 120 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:13,647 and if there's cockroaches, they respect us enough to sneak around. 121 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:17,250 Listen to yourself. This is pregnancy brain all over again. 122 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,986 No, I'm done with pregnancy brain. 123 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:22,390 I've moved on to weird pregnancy sex dreams. 124 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,458 Officer. 125 00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:27,795 You know. You know. 126 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:31,399 I'm-I'm just saying you're not in the right mind... 127 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,367 to be making this decision right now. 128 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,035 You know what? Robin's right. 129 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:38,138 We are in no state of mind to make this kind of decision. 130 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:40,774 Thank you. And now you're stepping off the crazy bus. 131 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,611 - We let the universe decide. - And now you're back on board. 132 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,813 Do you hear that, universe? 133 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:49,950 If you send us a sign in the next... 24 hours, 134 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:53,120 then we're moving to Long Island, okay? 135 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,522 Go! 136 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:58,291 Hey, guys, for the last time, this place is enormous. 137 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,494 Geez, how many lamps do you have? 138 00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:02,896 It's genius! 139 00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,699 Instead of throwing away your life marrying some girl, 140 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,769 you just go splitsies on a kid with your best bro. 141 00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:11,672 I wouldn't have to choose between dating and having a family. 142 00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,374 Hell, I could bring the kids on dates. 143 00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:17,077 And a broken home? Um, what's that? 144 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,413 Our kids'll never know-- 'cause we're never gonna split up. 145 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,982 Why would we? I mean, sure, when your wife walks in on you... 146 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,117 banging a hot flight attendant, you get a divorce. 147 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:27,020 But when your bro-parent walks in on you banging a hot flight attendant-- 148 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:30,123 You get five of these bad boys right up high. [ Laughs ] 149 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,325 And you totally join in, right? 150 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,061 Uh, no, there's the line. That's the line. 151 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:36,163 We found the line, and it's good we know where it is. 152 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,499 Hey guys. Hey. Hey. 153 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,701 We have an announcement. 154 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,736 So what you're saying is, 155 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,505 if you're meant to move to Long Island, 156 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:47,407 some sign from the universe will magically appear at your doorstep. 157 00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:50,010 [ Ted Narrating ] Now, kids, I don't think there was a knock on the door... 158 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,480 at that exact moment, but for the purposes of this story-- 159 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,081 [ Knocking ] 160 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,852 Hi. I'm Clive. I live upstairs from you. 161 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,420 Is this your sign? 162 00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:03,724 I don't know, Clive. 163 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,258 Is it? 164 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,127 Oh, did we leave that outside? 165 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,763 Yeah, we're selling our house in Long Island. 166 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,899 Oh. Too bad you're not selling this place. 167 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,967 I'd love to turn mine into a duplex, 168 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:18,472 and I'd give you a really good price for it because I am so rich. 169 00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,841 He did not say that. 170 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,242 His shoes did! 171 00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:24,512 Okay, the point is, we got the sign. 172 00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,614 We're moving to East Meadow. 173 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,482 Let's get some champagne! 174 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:29,983 And just like that, Lily and Marshall... 175 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,985 were beginning a new chapter in their lives. 176 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:34,154 Which meant only one thing for us. 177 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,056 We're having a baby! 178 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,725 Bro-parents! Activate! 179 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,994 [ Imitating Explosion ] Come on. 180 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:45,165 Hey, let's talk baby names. 181 00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:47,535 Barney-- Oh, my God. That was my first choice too! 182 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,236 No, listen. 183 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,004 You and I are drunk, 184 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:54,875 which means there's a chance that adopting a baby-- 185 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,777 no matter how cute he is in my head... 186 00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,946 with his little cowboy outfit on... 187 00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:02,249 and he's riding our dog like a horse and we also have a dog, 188 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,352 purebred golden, but it's okay, she's a rescue-- 189 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,087 might not be a good idea. 190 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,122 You're right. 191 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:14,628 So let's go home, take some aspirin, drink lots of water... 192 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:18,131 and then see if it's still a good idea tomorrow. 193 00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,968 Still a good idea! It's totally still a good idea! 194 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,871 - We're havin' a baby! - [ Both Sobbing ] 195 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,540 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, I cannot stress this enough. 196 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,876 Barney and I were going through a tough time. 197 00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,178 You're not leaving, and that's final. 198 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:35,048 Look what I bought at 4:00 a.m. in New York City. 199 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:39,753 A bootleg VHS of a very, very popular Korean movie, 200 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,723 this genuine Lenny Vintone purse... 201 00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:45,525 and the number of a man who can get me a kidney. 202 00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:47,194 Do that on Long Island. 203 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:51,364 Look, Robin, we appreciate that you want us to stay in the city, 204 00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:52,833 but this is what we want. 205 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,467 I mean, you understand, right? 206 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,970 [ Sighs ] No. 207 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,139 Here are a few fun facts about Long Island. 208 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,808 [ Clears Throat ] 209 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,210 Number one, it's Brooklyn's fart trail. 210 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:06,013 [ Ted Narrating ] So Barney and I-- 211 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,716 and again, going through a tough time, can't stress that enough-- 212 00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,550 found an adoption agency Web site... 213 00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,519 and filled out their online application. 214 00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:13,821 "Name." 215 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,590 [ Typing ] Barney Stinson, Ted Mosby. 216 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,358 "Address." 217 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,060 Oh, put my address in Westchester. 218 00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:22,395 They'll want to see we'll be raising this child in a good environment. 219 00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:23,831 You know, the suburbs. 220 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,768 What? No! All my guys are here. Your guys? 221 00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:30,904 Yeah. You know how I got a guy for everything? They're all in New York. 222 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,140 My suit guy, my shoe guy, my ticket guy, my club guy. 223 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:36,409 If I don't have a guy for something, then I have a "guy" guy to get me a guy. 224 00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:38,311 And oddly enough, his name is Guy. 225 00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,047 Okay, fine. How about this? 226 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,949 We stay in the city during the week, 227 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,117 then, on the weekend, country house in the burbs. 228 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:47,655 This is why bro-parenting works! Totally. 229 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,857 And with your salary plus my salary, 230 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,925 we could totally afford two places. 231 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:55,362 Oh. What? 232 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:59,232 So, uh, you're gonna keep your job? 233 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,136 Robin, this discussion is closed. 234 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,706 The universe told us to do it, so we're doing it. 235 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:08,876 Well, the universe gets it wrong sometimes. 236 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,543 Remember when Marshall was trying to decide... 237 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,647 between becoming an environmental lawyer and working at a bank? 238 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,515 [ Ted Narrating ] That's a funny story. 239 00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,851 Marshall was fed up with his job at GNB... 240 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,619 and was thinking about leaving it all behind. 241 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:22,255 So he and Lily agreed he should wait for a sign from the universe... 242 00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,691 to tell him what to do. 243 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,659 Then one day-- 244 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,069 Of course. It's so clear. 245 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,805 It's been right there all along. 246 00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,707 I have to call Lily. 247 00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,242 Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. 248 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,712 I-I'm sorry, but, um, can I please borrow your-- 249 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,647 Ernie Hudson? Yes. 250 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,617 Can I borrow your phone? 251 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,319 Who you gonna call? 252 00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:56,123 And did Marshall become a Ghostbuster? 253 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,258 That firehouse is still for sale. 254 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,094 Even Ernie Hudson begged you not to go through with that. 255 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:04,164 - Ernie Hudson is a coward! - [ Gasps ] Oh! 256 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:06,633 Of course I'm gonna keep my job. Why wouldn't I keep my job? 257 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:10,337 Well, I mean, this whole architecture thing-- 258 00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,239 isn't it more of a hobby? 259 00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,640 Excuse me? 260 00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:16,343 And now we're fighting. You know what? Forget I said anything. 261 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,446 No. No, no, no. We're having this discussion. 262 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,348 Architecture is my life's work. 263 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:24,451 Why don't you quit your job? I don't even know what it is you do for a living. 264 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,787 What it is I do for a living? 265 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:31,258 I work, Ted, 14 hours a day so that our baby... 266 00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:34,094 can have food and clothes and a nice house, 267 00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:37,497 while you sit around doodling pictures of buildings. 268 00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:40,200 That's what it is I do. You know what? Screw this. 269 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,969 I'm gonna go to the bar. Yeah, right, right. 270 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,837 'Cause the answer's always at the bottom of a bottle. 271 00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:46,639 Wait. Wait, wait, wait! Hold it. 272 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,276 - Brainstorm. - Brainstorm. 273 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:53,346 Nobody quits their job. We get a nanny. 274 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,783 Dibs on the nanny. No. No banging the nanny. 275 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:58,952 Ted, please do not dig in on this whole "no banging the nanny" policy. 276 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,854 Okay, fine. We'll get two nannies. 277 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,956 One for banging, one for child care. 278 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,825 Slash banging. Dibs on both nannies. 279 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,426 Just think of it, Ted. 280 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:10,898 You and me living together with our kid, my two hot nannies, 281 00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:12,432 our pet cobra-- What? 282 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,802 A kid needs a pet cobra, Ted. Don't be a pill about this. 283 00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:17,270 And we'll have amazing weeklong parties, 284 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,840 and there'll be swords and ninja stars lying around. 285 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,741 [ Ted Narrating ] That's when I realized-- 286 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:24,344 Adopting a baby with a friend? Crazy. 287 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:28,248 Adopting a baby with Barney? Friggin' nuts. 288 00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:31,551 - I can't adopt a baby with you, Barney. - Why not? 289 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:34,587 Because we don't even have one yet, and you're already a terrible father. 290 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:37,690 Oh. I get it. 291 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,493 You want one of the nannies. Well, you can't have 'em. They're mine. 292 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,263 So you're just gonna have to get yourself a third nanny. 293 00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:46,099 Except-- dibs on the third nanny. Good day! 294 00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,837 Which brings us to Thanksgiving. 295 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:53,373 Marshall, Lily and Robin were heading out to Long Island early to get ready. 296 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,977 [ Exhales ] 297 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,181 [ Grunting ] 298 00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:03,183 Okay, how is this even possible? 299 00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,685 'Cause how did we even get it in here? 300 00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:08,088 - Uh-- - [ Grunts ] 301 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:10,858 Okay, I changed my mind. I want an epidural. 302 00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:13,026 You guys are crazy. 303 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,628 This place is enormous. 304 00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:17,230 - I mean, look around-- - [ Shatters ] 305 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,566 [ Shouting ] Have you never heard of overhead lighting? 306 00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:25,572 [ Sighs ] You're right. 307 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,308 I get it. This place is great. 308 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:29,977 [ Chuckles ] 309 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:32,579 Um, excuse me. Where is the restroom? 310 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,148 Oh, right there. Oh, good. Great. 311 00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:37,750 I'm just gonna go in there and not come out... 312 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,887 until you promise never to move away! 313 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,024 It's a good thing we have three bathrooms. 314 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,727 Hey, Barney. Uh, listen. 315 00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:50,830 Sorry about the other day when I said you'd be a terrible father. 316 00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,732 You had no reason to think otherwise. 317 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,667 Totally understandable. I'm not mad. 318 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,836 Thanks. And, uh, let's be honest. 319 00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,538 We were both acting a little crazy. 320 00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:01,441 I don't think either of us is truly ready for the responsibility of-- 321 00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,211 Daddy's home. 322 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:12,752 Uh, Barney, wh-- Where did you get this baby? 323 00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:14,854 Please. Did you adopt it? 324 00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,589 Please. 325 00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,358 Do you have a baby guy? 326 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:21,628 Did Guy the "guy" guy get you a baby guy? 327 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,330 Ted, we should get going. 328 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,665 What? No, no, no! I'm not going anywhere with you. 329 00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:28,501 For all I know, I could be aiding and abetting a kidnapping. 330 00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,137 Shh. Bro-daddy's not mad. 331 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,139 He's just being a little loud. 332 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,374 And he wuvs you. Yes, he does. 333 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,977 - This is insane! - You'll feel better outside. 334 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,711 Come on. No. I can't-- 335 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,513 [ Murmurs ] No, no, no. 336 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:44,017 [ Ted Narrating ] But then we went outside. 337 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:47,187 Oh, my goodness. What a beautiful baby. 338 00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,322 Thank you. By the way, my friend and I, we are not a couple. 339 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,758 We are two straight guys who are single. 340 00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,526 And we have a baby. Just so you know. 341 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,862 Look at this sweet girl. 342 00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,497 Hi. I was just telling this first girl, 343 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,699 my friend and I, both straight, both available... 344 00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:01,168 and we have a baby. 345 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,303 Oh, who is this little angel? 346 00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,438 Okay, real quick-- me and him, not gay, single, have a baby. 347 00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,474 We should look into having a sign made. 348 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,709 Again, we were going through a difficult time, 349 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,311 but this part was kind of fun. 350 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:14,514 [ Women Cooing ] She's so cute. 351 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,518 This is awesome. Right? 352 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,189 Robin, come out and talk to us. 353 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,024 [ Shouting ] I am not coming out of this bathroom... 354 00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,159 until everyone stops acting crazy! 355 00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,228 No one is being crazy. 356 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,130 [ Ted Narrating ] Again, for the purposes of this story-- 357 00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,400 Ted and I have a baby! 358 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,934 Crazy! 359 00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,569 What the hell is that? 360 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:41,074 Guys, this is Hurricane Stinson-Mosby. Mosby-Stinson. 361 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,276 You named your baby Hurricane? 362 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,245 [ Chuckling ] That is-- 363 00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,981 ultimately inconsiderate to the child, 364 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,582 who has to live with that name. 365 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,519 Okay, how the hell does Barney have a baby? 366 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,087 No idea. Super confused. 367 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,023 I'm finding it best to just sort of go with it. 368 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:58,225 She is super cute though, right? 369 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,460 Wait a minute. [ Sniffs ] 370 00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,596 Oh, G-- Hurricane dookied in her drawers. 371 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,732 Ha, ha! 372 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,101 Poopy pants. 373 00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,902 She needs a new diaper. 374 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,571 Right. Where do you keep your diapers? 375 00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:14,741 - We don't have any. - You don't-- Wow. 376 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,209 Okay. [ Scoffs ] 377 00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:18,178 I guess I'll go buy some. 378 00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:20,347 You're gonna be a mom, and you don't have any diapers? 379 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,215 Lord, watch over that child. 380 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,585 Uh-- 381 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,420 Come here, you. 382 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:31,558 So, there was talk of a cheese plate? 383 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:33,593 Hi. 384 00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:35,995 [ Knocking ] [ Gasps ] 385 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,531 [ Sighs ] 386 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,534 Hey. 387 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,505 Cheese? Thanks. 388 00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,674 [ Clears Throat ] 389 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,176 [ Sighs ] 390 00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:53,146 If you don't mind me asking, what is this all about? 391 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:56,883 I mean, you are one of the most strong, independent, 392 00:16:56,949 --> 00:17:00,620 "non-locking themselves in a bathroom on Thanksgiving" people I know. 393 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:04,524 Why are you so upset about us moving? 394 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:08,095 Maybe I just need you guys more than you think. 395 00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:12,432 Is this about more than us moving? 396 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,501 This is good cheese. 397 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:17,704 Robin? 398 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:19,572 Yeah? 399 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,242 Do you think I should have become a Ghostbuster? 400 00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,177 I think you made the right call, buddy. 401 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:29,015 Okay, Ted, I'm not gonna ask you where Barney got this baby, 402 00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:31,384 but do you have any idea why? 403 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:33,986 Well, a few nights ago, we were talking-- 404 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:38,525 You know. "We hate girls. We wish we were gay." Just guy stuff. 405 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:43,296 And we kinda sort of decided to... adopt a baby. 406 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:44,997 Yeah, that's crazy. 407 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:48,201 I know. Is it though? Yes. 408 00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,637 I know. But is it though? 409 00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:52,972 Yes! Well, so what if it's crazy? 410 00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:55,908 I've been ready to meet someone to start a family with for a long time now, 411 00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,644 and I keep not meeting her. 412 00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,580 Barney is one of my best friends in the world, we rarely fight, 413 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:03,950 and once we iron out the whole pet cobra thing, we will be amazing dads. 414 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,418 Why shouldn't we try this? 415 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,887 When's the last time you fed her? 416 00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,656 She had some root beer on the train. 417 00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:10,857 Oh, Ted. 418 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,493 And I'm sorry, but you cannot call a baby Hurricane. 419 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,162 Actually, her name is Sadie. 420 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,497 James, what are you doing here? 421 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:20,600 Did Barney not tell you that we were coming for Thanksgiving? 422 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,034 Uh, no. 423 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,204 Then he probably also did not tell you... 424 00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:26,339 that he was babysitting our new daughter. 425 00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,508 This is your daughter? 426 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,310 Oh, thank God. 427 00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:32,011 And congratulations. 428 00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,646 Thanks. Come here. 429 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,948 Ohh. 430 00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:37,684 I guess this is good-bye, Hurrica-- 431 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,586 Sadie. 432 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,754 [ Whispering ] Your name is Hurricane. Don't ever forget it. 433 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:44,491 Go over there. Come here. 434 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,226 Go with Daddy. That-a-girl. 435 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,395 Hey, Ted. 436 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:52,265 I overheard your little speech. It's not crazy. 437 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:55,902 About 10 years ago, my best friend and I nearly did the same thing. 438 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:58,571 She was single. I was single. 439 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,374 We both wanted a family. It made sense. 440 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,710 But now? 441 00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:07,780 Every day, we thank our lucky stars that we didn't do it, 442 00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:10,016 'cause what she found with her husband... 443 00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:11,851 and what I found with mine-- 444 00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:13,886 it was worth the wait. 445 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,224 Hurricane's a cool name. 446 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,059 Isn't it, Tom? [ Chuckles ] 447 00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:23,129 The pet store was closer, so I just got her some wee-wee pads. 448 00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:26,833 Oh. I also got this. It's beef-flavored, and it's good for her teeth. 449 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,537 James! Tom! Hey! 450 00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:35,141 Lily, did you get the e-mail that I sent you... 451 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,677 about inviting James and Tom to Thanksgiving? 452 00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,713 I sent it to your CompuServe. That's your main one, right? 453 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,615 [ Laughs ] Happy Thanksgiving, bro. 454 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,652 Thanks. Hi. Hey. Mmm. Mmm. 455 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:48,388 Just had a-- Hi. 456 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,091 All right, you got me. 457 00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:53,826 James is my baby guy. 458 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,595 But these past three hours-- 459 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:57,129 magical, right? 460 00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,366 We can do this. Say we can do this. 461 00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,067 We can't do this. 462 00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,535 Sorry, dude. 463 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:05,004 We gotta wait for the real thing. 464 00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:07,407 No matter how tough it gets. 465 00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:11,778 [ Sighs ] It gets pretty tough. 466 00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:13,413 I know it does, buddy. 467 00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,184 Um-- I have some time before dinner, right? 468 00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:19,986 I'm gonna go-- I'm gonna take a little walk. 469 00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:25,825 - [ Knocking ] - God. 470 00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:29,962 [ Sighs ] 471 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,766 - Hi. - Hey. 472 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,704 [ Grunts ] 473 00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:43,242 We still friends? 474 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,111 Hope so. 475 00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,714 Ah. Good. 476 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:52,018 'Cause, get this, Ted almost adopted a baby. 477 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,121 Crazy, right? [ Scoffs ] 478 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,723 Poor guy's going through some stuff. 479 00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:59,091 He actually tried to rope me into it. 480 00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:01,961 Can you imagine me being someone's dad? [ Chuckles ] 481 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,597 I'm pregnant.