1
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:10,278
Psst! In here!

2
00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:14,582
[ Panting ]

3
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:16,717
I'm safe.
Not quite.

4
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,553
[ Gasps ]
The amulet, please,
Mr. Stinson.

5
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,089
[ Sighs ]

6
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,792
[ Grunts ]
[ Groans ]

7
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,894
Why'd he--
[ Boy ]
Help!

8
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:29,330
Help!
The kid!

9
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:36,704
Help!
Hang on, kid!

10
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,046
[ Grunts ]

11
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,120
Grab my tie!

12
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,422
But you're not
supposed to take
the tie off!

13
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,724
You lost a bet
with your friends,
Lily and Marshall,

14
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:59,393
which requires you
to wear the tie
for a full year!

15
00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:02,896
If it means saving your life,
I think they'll understand.

16
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:05,566
- They seem like
nice people.
- Yeah, they are.

17
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,501
Grab that. Nice.

18
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:11,272
[ Grunting ]
[ Grunts ]
Ooh, come on!

19
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,674
That's it!
[ Grunts ]

20
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:18,779
[ Panting ]
Thanks, mister.

21
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:22,216
How can I repay you?
You can stay in school.
That's how.

22
00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:25,052
[ Seagull Squawks ]
Whoa! Whoa!

23
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,521
No!

24
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,123
True story.

25
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:32,860
But, golly, I'm just gonna
miss the heck out of that
ducky tie. I really am.

26
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,963
Look what I just
found in the trash.

27
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:38,199
No!

28
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:45,173
** [ Upbeat Pop ]

29
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,509
** [ Man Vocalizing ]

30
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,349
** [ Ends ]

31
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:59,553
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, you haven't truly lived...

32
00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:01,922
until somewhere
somebody puts a sign up...

33
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,624
because of something you did.

34
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,125
For instance--

35
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:06,660
Have you guys seen
that sign out front...

36
00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,296
that says
"Absolutely
No Boogie Boarding?"

37
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:09,763
[ Chuckles ]
What's that
all about?

38
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,433
Oh, that's a great story.
You got time for it?

39
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:16,370
Well, I'm supposed to go
to my mom's birthday party,
so...

40
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:19,540
please make it
as long as you can.
[ Chuckles ]

41
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,376
Well, it happened
a few months ago--
the night of the hurricane.

42
00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:24,712
[ Ted Narrating ]
It was August 26, 2011,

43
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:27,481
and Hurricane Irene
was barreling
towards New York.

44
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,218
Guys, guys,
guys.

45
00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:31,919
This storm is serious.

46
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:34,188
Luckily, you are friends
with a former Boy Scout.

47
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,723
And a Boy Scout is always what?

48
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,024
Unpopular?
Beaten up?

49
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:38,259
Going to the movies
with his mom?

50
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,160
A Boy Scout
is always prepared.

51
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,962
Prepared to spend lunch
in his locker?

52
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,498
- Prepared to die a virgin?
- Prepared to paint
his sister's nails?

53
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:46,934
Prepared for emergencies.

54
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:49,703
That's why a week ago,
when Irene was just
a tropical depression--

55
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:52,105
- You're a tropical
depression.
- [ Giggles ]

56
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:55,042
This guy got us
a disaster backpack...

57
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:57,911
and a rental car
that seats five
parked right outside.

58
00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,681
We're gonna drive up
to my place in Westchester
where we'll all be safe.

59
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:02,850
Boy Scouted!
You're welcome.

60
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,051
Ted's right.
We should go.

61
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,619
Hey, on the way
out of the city,

62
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,921
do you mind if we stop at my
place so I can get something?

63
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,059
Okay, what did you
have to get?

64
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:14,962
My drink on!
We're not going anywhere.

65
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,497
What? No!

66
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,566
We don't have
time for this.
We gotta get going!

67
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,934
Ted, I'm older than you.
Yeah.

68
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,270
And taller.
Just
older.

69
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:24,071
And when you reach my age
and height,

70
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:26,139
you'll see that things like this
hurricane are
no big deal.

71
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:28,075
They're gonna
close the bridges!

72
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:29,777
You guys, we gotta
get out of here.

73
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,645
I'm afraid I'm with blondie
on this one.

74
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:34,348
This storm is nothing.
I'm from Vancouver.

75
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,149
You know what they call this
in the 'Couv?

76
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:37,285
Barbecue weather.

77
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,387
[ Lily ]
Yeah, I'm with these guys.

78
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,789
Drinking beer in front
of Barney's giant TV...

79
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:44,592
beats sitting in the car
listening to Memoirs of
a Geisha.

80
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,427
Come on. We're at
the best part.

81
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,895
[ Cell Phone Rings ]

82
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:50,331
Oh, it's my mom checking
to see if I'm okay.

83
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:51,799
Hey, Mom.

84
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:55,102
Oh, Mommy,
it's dwizzling out.
I'm so scared.

85
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,338
[ Scoffs ]
Bikini weather!

86
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,307
Marshall,
you're with me, right?

87
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:01,709
Sorry, old friend,

88
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:05,779
but I can't afford
to tempt fate.

89
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,181
Oh, right. I was
being really weird.

90
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:09,550
I should explain.

91
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,352
Last summer, I quit my job.

92
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,020
And then a week
before the hurricane--

93
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:17,858
Huh. My, uh-- My medical
insurance just expired.

94
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:20,728
That gives me two uninsured
weeks before I'm
added to your plan.

95
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,396
It's no biggie.
[ Chuckles ]

96
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,865
Ow. Paper cut.

97
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:31,038
Death is all around us.

98
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,773
So for the next two weeks,

99
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:36,076
he was basically a really clingy
Edgar Allan Poe.

100
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,412
** [ Organ: Funereal ]
The grim reaper beckons.

101
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:43,784
I feel his icy grip
round my throat,

102
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:46,086
the breath of his hounds
at my heels,

103
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:51,792
the unrelenting
rat-tat-tat of his scythe
on my chamber door.

104
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:56,764
And you,
with your blithe request,

105
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,932
you only hasten
his inevitable triumph.

106
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,834
Is that what you desire?

107
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,936
Is that what
you desire, Lily?

108
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,806
I just wanted you
to get us some bagels.

109
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,608
Bagels?

110
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:11,011
Do you have any idea...

111
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:14,515
what could happen to me
whilst getting bagels?

112
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,918
Oh!
[ Sighs ]

113
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:21,355
[ Growling ]
Aah!

114
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,857
What the--
No! Not like this!

115
00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,293
Fine. I'll go
get the bagels.

116
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,562
No!
Why not?

117
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,598
And remember,
not too much cream cheese.

118
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,633
Half a schmear max.

119
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:34,668
Thanks, baby.

120
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:38,772
[ Growling ]
[ Screaming ]
No!

121
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:40,408
Not like this!

122
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,610
Okay, now you're
just being ridiculous.

123
00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,578
Well, life
is ridiculous, Lily.

124
00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:46,780
People get run over
by buses...

125
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,949
and hit in the nuts
by skateboards,

126
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,484
bitten by babies.

127
00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:53,721
Nobody wakes up and-and says,
"Today I'm gonna star
in a YouTube video."

128
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,756
You've said that
at least a dozen times.

129
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,559
Lily, for the next
two weeks,

130
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:02,195
you must be by my side
protecting me.

131
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,432
Why?
What's gonna happen?

132
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:07,435
- Answer-- a hurricane.
- [ Scoffs ]

133
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:08,869
Just let me
take off the tie!

134
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,472
Please! I have
to wear this at work!

135
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:13,774
Do you have any idea
what that's like?

136
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:17,711
If the S.E.C. pursues charges,
it's gonna be all our asses.

137
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,081
Nobody takes this
more seriously than I do.

138
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:24,017
Please, can I take it off?

139
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,721
You... may...

140
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:29,757
knot.

141
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:33,326
With a "K."
Little tie pun.

142
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,995
This is
far from over.

143
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:38,966
You have a price, Eriksen,
and I will find it.

144
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:43,604
When the end of day is nigh,
I'll have taken off this tie.

145
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,306
I'm gonna like the way I look.

146
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:47,875
I guarantee it.

147
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,545
- So, boogie boarding.
- Boogie boarding.

148
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:53,514
So I was trying to get
these guys to leave.

149
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,382
Hey, nerdlinger,

150
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,917
what's with
the safety boner?

151
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:58,952
I mean, come on.

152
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,489
The disaster kit, the car,
the lady's rain boots?

153
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:03,090
Uh, they're men's!

154
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:05,459
Pink is just easier to spot
from the rescue chopper.

155
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,829
Look, forgive me for caring
about you guys,

156
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,464
but you're my best friends
in the world...

157
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,065
and I just wanna
make sure you're okay.

158
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,468
Oh, Ted.

159
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:17,370
You are a giant
whining bummer.

160
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,406
Barney--
Come on, Ted!

161
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,476
This storm is not
a big deal!
[ Scoffs ]

162
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:24,344
[ Man On TV ]
This storm is a big deal.

163
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:28,115
Let's replay that harrowing
footage of Irene touching down
in North Carolina.

164
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:31,218
[ Wind Howling ]

165
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,156
- We gotta get out of here!
- Let's go!

166
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,725
Come on!
Come on!

167
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,895
Please let me
take it off.

168
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:42,530
No.

169
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:43,831
$5,000!
No.

170
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,699
- Is he serious?
- $10,000.

171
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,200
- No.
- Dudes, take the money.

172
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:49,269
- $20,000!
- No.
- Yes.

173
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,506
I'll let you slap me in the face
as hard as you can!
You have my attention.

174
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:55,075
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, you remember Marshall
and Barney's slap bet.

175
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,811
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
A few years earlier,
Barney lost a bet to Marshall.

176
00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:01,549
His penalty was five slaps
delivered anyplace, anytime.

177
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,984
So far, Marshall
had slapped Barney four times,

178
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:07,087
which meant
he only had one slap left.

179
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:11,725
What do you say, Marshall?
Are you gonna seize
this "slapportunity"?

180
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:13,727
Or let it "slap"
through your fingers?

181
00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:15,395
Don't let him tempt you,
Marshall.

182
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,498
I don't know, Lily.
I mean, we have a baby
on the way.

183
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:20,167
An extra slap could
really come in handy.

184
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:24,337
No! No!
This is crazy.

185
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:27,541
You having to wear that tie
for another 10 months...

186
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:29,442
is all the satisfaction
I need.

187
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:34,715
Plus, I still
have one slap left.
And that feels good.

188
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,216
But if you didn't
have that slap left--

189
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:39,720
if, say, I were to get you
to slap me tonight--

190
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,855
I suppose that would
change everything.

191
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:46,059
I suppose it would.

192
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:50,664
[ Speaking French ]

193
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,901
[ Speaking French ]

194
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,407
- So, boogie boarding.
- Boogie boarding.

195
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,543
So I was trying to get
these guys to leave, but
there was one little problem.

196
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:04,578
Come on. Let's go.

197
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:05,679
I'm staying.

198
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:06,914
What?
Barney!

199
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,149
Hey, hey! It's gonna get
pretty crazy out there.

200
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,218
And if some hot woman gets
all her clothes blown off...

201
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,987
and I'm not up here
to videotape it and put it
up on the Internet, who will?

202
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:16,023
FEMA?
[ Scoffs ]
Come on. Open your eyes.

203
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,791
No! No, you are
coming with us.

204
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:20,060
We leave no man behind.
[ Cell Phone Rings ]

205
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:22,730
Oh. Hey, Mom.

206
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,165
Uh, yeah, the boots
were a big hit.

207
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,168
You know what?
I'd better pee.

208
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:30,537
But when Lily and I get back,
we're all leaving.

209
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,105
Wait, I have
to go pee with you?

210
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:34,908
You want me to go
to the "bathroom"--

211
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:38,511
the most dangerous room
in the house--
by myself?

212
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,113
Do you have any idea
what could happen?

213
00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:44,251
Ow! My eye!

214
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:46,419
I'm blind!
[ Growling ]

215
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,622
[ Screaming ]

216
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:51,959
No, no!
Not like this!

217
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,794
I don't think we're
seeing eye to eye...

218
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:56,096
about the likelihood
of that happening.

219
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,798
[ Cell Phone Rings ]

220
00:09:57,831 --> 00:10:00,668
Hey, it's my dad!
My dad's calling me!

221
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,036
- Hey, do you know where--
- Ted got his boots?

222
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,738
Yeah, they're fabulous.
I totally want a pair.

223
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:08,108
Okay, Dad, I will.
Thanks.

224
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:11,144
Guys, Dad says this hurricane
is a bigger deal
than you thought.

225
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,780
I'm taking charge.
We're getting out of here.

226
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:17,384
Okay, what is with
everybody's parents calling
to check up on them?

227
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,820
It's just a little rain.

228
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:23,223
Lawn-mowing weather.
Boccie weather.

229
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:26,326
Wow, you're really bummed
that your dad's
not worried about you.

230
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:27,961
- What?
- [ Murmurs ]

231
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:30,197
What would my dad
be worried about?
[ Scoffs ]

232
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,199
That I'm not wearing
enough sunblock?

233
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,302
House-painting weather.

234
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,771
Ted, you're back.

235
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,472
I've changed my mind.
I'm in. Let's go.

236
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,509
Yeah, I changed my mind too.
You can't come. Everybody else,
we're movin' out.

237
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:43,643
Wha--

238
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:45,078
That's harsh.

239
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:47,915
You know
what else is harsh?
Ultraviolet light.

240
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,717
I fell asleep
in the tanning bed
this weekend.

241
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,451
I think I got a sunburn
on my cheek.

242
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,854
It's so sensitive.

243
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:56,289
It's like
a big red bull's-eye.

244
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,826
Ouchy.

245
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,160
Did you take my blush
out of my purse?

246
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,130
- So, boogie boarding.
- So, boogie boarding.

247
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,331
Boogie boarding.

248
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:07,200
Oh, come on, Ted.
You can't just
leave him here.

249
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:10,437
Uh, yeah, I can.
You called me a giant
whining bummer.

250
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:11,972
You're not allowed
in my car.

251
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,775
You don't get to find out
if the geisha finds love.

252
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:17,745
This is about principle.
[ Knocking ]

253
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:20,881
Hey, Ted.
I'm ready to go.

254
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,850
And you must be
Principle.

255
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:25,585
Uh, on a separate note,
guys, this is Maya.

256
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,855
I just met her
out in the hall.
We have a lot in common,

257
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:31,158
such as our mutual love
of country music, NASCAR
and Jeff Foxworthy--

258
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,761
Just go with it.
She needed a ride
out of the city,

259
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:36,096
and we have an extra seat
in the car, so--

260
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,498
Okay, let's hit it.
[ Barney ]
Wow.

261
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,333
It's come to this.

262
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,802
You could help a friend,

263
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:44,838
but instead you're
choosing the hot girl
in the tight tank top.

264
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:47,741
Your training is complete.

265
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,210
I'm so proud of this kid.

266
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,212
But seriously,
storm's coming in.

267
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,014
So, uh, dump the hoochie
and wheels up.

268
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,515
You promised me a seat.

269
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,485
Oh, for God's sakes.
You two both go.
I'll stay here.

270
00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,853
- What? Lily, no.
- Shotgun.

271
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,188
- You're staying.
- Then Lily can come.

272
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,957
What? No, no, no.
I'll stay here.
Why?

273
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:06,927
I just want some time
away from you.

274
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:12,399
What?
Oh, Marshall, I'm sorry.
I love you.

275
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:15,836
But I haven't had
a second alone in weeks.

276
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,537
It's summer vacation.

277
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:22,209
All I wanna do is sit
in a bathtub and read a book,
but now...

278
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,445
Baby?
I forgot to bring a book.

279
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:28,348
[ Chuckles ]
Do you mind
reading yours out loud?

280
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,819
Hey, it's been no picnic
for me either.

281
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:33,453
You don't even do the voices.

282
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,088
[ Cell Phone Rings ]

283
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,424
Blocked number.

284
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:41,728
Hello?
[ Man ]
R.J.? It is your father.

285
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,231
Daddy?
[ Sighs ]

286
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:47,901
I love you.
It-It means so much
that you called.

287
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,837
Ha. I knew that you
wanted to be called.

288
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,004
Busted.

289
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:53,841
[ Cackles ]
That was you?

290
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,508
I really think
you should slap him.

291
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,077
You should slap him.
Slap him.

292
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,812
Two cheeks, no waiting.

293
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:02,015
Good, 'cause I really think
I'm gonna slap him.

294
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:03,817
- So, boogie boarding?
- Boogie boarding.

295
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:08,288
Come on, Ted. You're gonna
give some random floozy a ride,
but not take Barney?

296
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,991
Floozy?
If she's going,
I'm not going.

297
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:12,692
Lily, you're staying.
Let's go.

298
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,027
If Lily's staying,
then I'm staying.

299
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:15,462
Then I'm going.
Then I'm going.

300
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,030
You can't go, Marshall,
'cause I'm going.

301
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:18,631
[ Robin ]
If Barney's going,
I'm not going.

302
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,133
Then I can go.
Then I'm staying.

303
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:22,269
Then I'm staying.
Then I'm going.

304
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,472
Then I'm not going.
Okay, you know what?
I'm going.

305
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,674
This storm's been
on Doppler radar for a week.

306
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,877
I'm the one
who prepared for it,
and you made fun of me.

307
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:32,479
So guess what?
This Boy Scout
is taking a hike.

308
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:33,613
Good-bye.

309
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,949
[ Door Opens, Closes ]

310
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,819
Maya, real quick,
did you think there
was anything here or--

311
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:41,821
Oh, I have a boyfriend.
Good-bye.

312
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,223
Um, Ted?

313
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,227
The time for evacuation
is over.

314
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:50,964
Everyone should now go inside
and be prepared
to stay inside...

315
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:56,169
until weather conditions
improve, which won't likely
be until Sunday afternoon.

316
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,638
We're stuck here.

317
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,440
Okay, let's not panic.

318
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:04,244
[ Thunderclap ]

319
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:07,047
You know what?
Let's panic.

320
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,182
[ All Screaming ]

321
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,854
[ Wind Blowing ]

322
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:19,492
Hey, if we don't
make it through the night,

323
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:23,363
I want you guys to know--
and I really mean this--

324
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,199
I wish I had branched out
and made more friends
in my 20s.

325
00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:31,538
Well, I'm going
to go to the bathroom...

326
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:35,108
by myself, I guess.

327
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,277
Watch out for bears.

328
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:45,818
Since this might be the end,
I gotta confess something.

329
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:48,121
- Can I?
- Might as well.

330
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,959
Barney and I have been
doing the wild thing...

331
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,127
this whole time.

332
00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:59,899
Except a brief period last year
when he was shacking up
with Marshall's mom,

333
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:02,302
but, luckily, three-ways
were on the menu, so--

334
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,339
Marshall, you know she didn't
say any of that, right?

335
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:09,876
I know.
But I just wanna
slap him so bad.

336
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,979
But that tie
is so stupid.

337
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,546
But the slap
would feel so good.

338
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,216
- But he hates that tie
so much.
- Perhaps I can help.

339
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:21,088
Marshall, ask yourself
this question. Why today?

340
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,358
He hasn't said anything
about that tie for weeks,

341
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:29,129
and yet, suddenly,
today he can't wear it
another second?

342
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,965
No, there's a reason.

343
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,500
You've got something coming up.

344
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:37,204
Something where you're...
on display,

345
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:40,107
vulnerable,
exposed.

346
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,343
It's not work-related.

347
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,912
No, this is relationship stuff.

348
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,615
You're trying
to impress someone.

349
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,518
In the lie you told,
you said you were being
chased by two goons.

350
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,086
So it's two people.

351
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,687
A couple, perhaps.

352
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,425
You're meeting
Nora's parents tomorrow.

353
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,961
Wrong.

354
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:04,331
Wrong, wrong,
wrong, wrong, wrong.

355
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:07,400
It's in two days,
and I really want them
to like me.

356
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:09,369
[ Marshall ]
Ho-ho.
"Therapisted."

357
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:12,239
Shrinked? Shrunk?
We'll figure it out.

358
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:15,242
- So, boogie boarding.
- Boogie boarding.

359
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:18,578
Hey, Lily?
Can I talk to you
for just a second?

360
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,983
Marshall, if I'm in here
to brush your teeth,
I swear to--

361
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,821
Sorry that I've been
so needy lately.

362
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,457
I know that you need
some time alone.

363
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:33,493
So, I'll be
in the other room.

364
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,763
You're not goin' anywhere.

365
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,033
Mmm.

366
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,469
Hey.
[ Chuckles ]

367
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:48,808
And the funny thing is,
after that night,
we'll never be alone again.

368
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,710
You made that
in my bathroom?

369
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,180
Whoops.

370
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:56,116
Wow, a hurricane baby.

371
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,951
Oh, man, Hurricane Eriksen
would be a sweet name.

372
00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:00,920
It would be
a crazy sweet name.

373
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:02,755
Thanks, Ted.

374
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,458
Anyway, the next day,
after the danger
had passed--

375
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,062
- It's closed.
- Now what?

376
00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:10,730
A Boy Scout...

377
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,132
is always prepared.

378
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:15,602
- [ All ] Yay!
- [ Barney ] Nice.

379
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:19,206
- To surviving the hurricane.
- [ All ] Yay!

380
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,941
- I love you guys.
- [ Robin ] I love you.

381
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:24,644
[ Ted Narrating ]
I did finally make it up here
to the house later that week...

382
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:28,348
only to find
that a falling oak tree
had landed in the living room.

383
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,017
If we'd been here,
it would have
crushed us like bugs.

384
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,987
You see, kids, there's
no way of knowing for sure
where the safest place is,

385
00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:38,691
so the best you can hope for
is to have some good company.

386
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,928
-Guys, how far do you think I
can boogie board on this thing?
-So far!

387
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:45,465
Marshall,
your insurance doesn't
kick in till tomorrow.

388
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:49,136
Yeah, well,
you know what?
Life kicks in right now.

389
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,437
[ Together ]
Yeah!

390
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,945
- [ Splashing, Crashing ]
- [ All ] Oh!

391
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:01,381
[ Ted Narrating ]
Don't worry. He wasn't hurt...
the first time.

392
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:04,617
I have splints.
The second time, he went through
the front window of MacLaren's.

393
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,853
Hence,
the "No Boogie Boarding" sign.

394
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,156
All right, guys.
I gotta go.

395
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,823
Barney, good luck
with Nora's parents.

396
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,059
Bye.
Bye.

397
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,694
See you later.
All right.
See ya.

398
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:19,132
[ Clears Throat ]
Hey, Barney.

399
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:22,635
Listen, um, we made a baby
in your bathroom.

400
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,204
So we owe you one.

401
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:26,539
So we say...

402
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,642
you can take off
the ducky tie--

403
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,578
[ Gasps ]
Yeah.

404
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:33,980
for three slaps.

405
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,882
Th-Three slaps?

406
00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:40,487
And to be clear,
this would add three slaps
to Marshall's existing one,

407
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,455
giving him four slaps
in total.

408
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:43,190
Deal.

409
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,126
[ Gasping ]
I'm free.

410
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:50,263
God, this feels
so good.

411
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:54,000
Uh, th-this
was a mistake.

412
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:56,603
I wanna put the tie back on.
I wanna put the tie back on.

413
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,171
Why do I have
to be Barney right now?

414
00:18:58,205 --> 00:19:00,373
One.
Ooh.

415
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:01,841
Three slaps remaining.

416
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,043
Three slaps, wow.
I like the sound of that.

417
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:07,380
I think I'll save
those bad boys, you know,
for a rainy day.

418
00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:09,081
Okay.
The worst is over.

419
00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:11,050
[ Shrieks ]
Ooh!

420
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,151
[ Growls ]

421
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:14,654
Two slaps remaining.

422
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,490
[ Gasping ]
It's all right.
Hey.

423
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:20,827
It's all done... for now.

424
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:24,731
I think I need
to go home and reevaluate
how I make life decisions.

425
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,099
Okay, come on.
I have to go back to work.

426
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,335
Let's split a cab.
Okay.

427
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:29,902
- Yeah.
- [ Whimpers ]

428
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:41,414
Did you ever tell those guys
about that other thing
that almost happened?

429
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,517
That other thing that--

430
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,053
Oh, that.
No, did you?

431
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:47,954
No.

432
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:51,658
Hey, I'm really sorry
about that phone call.

433
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:55,061
Oh, it's fine.
No, it is so not fine.
I was a jerk.

434
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:56,896
And if you don't mind
my saying,

435
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:59,999
your dad is a complete idiot
for not calling.

436
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,569
He should never
let a day go by
without calling you.

437
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:05,772
Because when I
let a day go by
without talking to you,

438
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:12,545
um, that day's
just no good.

439
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,386
[ Cell Phone Rings ]
Oh, sorry.

440
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,621
Yeah.
[ Rings ]

441
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:24,391
It's my dad.
Wait. Show me your hands.

442
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,959
My ha--
[ Chuckles ]

443
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,561
Hey, Dad.

444
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:30,963
Hi. That's what
I've been saying.

445
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:32,832
Golf weather.

446
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,335
Can you believe we almost--
I know.

447
00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:37,670
Good thing we didn't.
Yeah.

448
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:40,640
I mean, not long after that,
you got together with Nora.

449
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,609
And you met Kevin.
Yeah.

450
00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:45,077
Disaster averted, right?
[ Chuckles ]
Exactly.

451
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:48,080
It would've ruined everything
if we'd been all--
La, la, la, la.

452
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,582
I know, right?
So dumb.

453
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:52,785
La, la, la, la.
La, la, la.

454
00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:54,186
** [ Rock ]
[ Woman ]
* Chained

455
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:55,722
[ Man ]
* We're chained

456
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,325
* Chained
* We're chained

457
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:00,293
* Chained
* We're chained *