1 00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:03,537 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, in the fall of 2011, 2 00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,739 all of my friends were in relationships. 3 00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:10,244 So when Barney's brother, James, came to visit, it created a slight logistical problem. 4 00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:15,015 We're gonna need a bigger booth. 5 00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:16,617 I'm gonna go to the loo. 6 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,153 I don't actually have to go. I just want a seat all to myself. 7 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,688 [ Marshall Murmurs ] 8 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:27,095 So would anyone care to ask me where Nora and I are going tonight? 9 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,862 - Don't ask him! It's a trap! - Where you goin'? 10 00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,631 - Come on, man! - For God's sake. 11 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:35,336 Bootytown, Kevin. We are finally going to Bootytown. 12 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:36,970 And that's why we don't ask him. 13 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:40,974 I'm thinking I'm gonna hop on the Long Thighland Expressway, 14 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,910 stop off for a nibble in Breastport... 15 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,645 and then, with any luck, 16 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,548 I'll be pulling into the Pork Authority by midnight. 17 00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:50,218 Wait, you're "finally" going to Bootytown? 18 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,520 Look, we just don't wanna rush anything, okay? 19 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:57,658 So we decided to wait until she decides to let me have sex with her. 20 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,460 And that's gonna be tonight! 21 00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:01,129 How do you know for sure? 22 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,164 Ah, something she said earlier. 23 00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:08,136 Guess what, my sweet boy. I've got a special treat for you tonight. 24 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,571 ** [ Electric Guitar ] 25 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:13,040 Oh, yeah, you're goin' to Bootytown. 26 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,343 Hello again, my darlings. 27 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,778 Barney, I hope you're ready for tonight. 28 00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:20,514 Because you're gonna have to use muscles you haven't used in years. 29 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:21,749 I am? 30 00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:25,119 Yes. And I hope you have some aspirin at home... 31 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,655 because your ass is gonna be killing you tomorrow. 32 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:30,023 It is? Indeed. 33 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:33,327 Because tonight, I'm strapping on this. 34 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,429 We're going skating! 35 00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:37,498 The Pork Authority's closed. 36 00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:40,168 Looks like it's Hand Central Station for you, little buddy. 37 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:41,402 [ All Chuckling ] 38 00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:45,406 So that's your "special treat"-- ice-skating? 39 00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:47,107 Of course. 40 00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:49,009 And after that, we're gonna shag. 41 00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:51,745 We're going ice-skating, everybody! 42 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,315 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 43 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,651 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 44 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,592 ** [ Ends ] 45 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,528 Ask me what I think of Nora. 46 00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:09,263 What do you think of Nora? 47 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,333 Lovely girl. Ask me what I really think of her. 48 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:13,567 What do you really think of her? 49 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,804 Guys, she's great. Seriously. Just drop it. 50 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,306 Ask me one more time. 51 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,308 - What do you really think? - Fine! 52 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:21,842 If you really must know, 53 00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:24,678 I do not like Barney with that woman! Happy? 54 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:28,549 [ Scoffs ] What could you possibly not like about Nora? 55 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:31,084 Her hair? Her mousy little nose? 56 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,488 The way she does everything perfectly? What's not to like? 57 00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:38,125 It's not that I don't like her. It's just-- 58 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,593 She's our mom. 59 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,495 What do mean she's your mom? 60 00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:44,798 Everything about her is vaguely "our mom"-like. 61 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:47,668 - The British accent. - Hello again, my darlings. 62 00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,470 [ James ] Mom's obsessed with Julie Andrews. 63 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,239 So when we were growing up-- 64 00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:53,774 Hello again, my darlings. 65 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,343 Come here, you. Hey. 66 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,177 And the way she hugs him. 67 00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,947 Left hand on the nape of the neck, three gentle strokes on the back with the right. 68 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:03,751 - Come here, you. - Trademark Loretta Stinson. 69 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,454 - But here's the clincher. - Guess what, my sweet boy. 70 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,389 Guess what, my sweet boy. 71 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:11,259 I've got a special treat for you tonight. 72 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:14,628 I've got a special treat for you tonight. 73 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,798 Ice cream! ** [ Electric Guitar ] 74 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,401 They're coming. Be cool. 75 00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:23,504 Forgot my raincoat. That makes one of us. 76 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,941 Well, shall we? 77 00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:30,844 We shall. [ Chuckles ] 78 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,348 [ Both Moaning ] 79 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:37,485 Oh, don't wear out that tongue, Barney. 80 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,988 Don't wait up. 81 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,593 I mean, sure, Barney has slept with... 82 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:48,296 plenty of other people's mothers. 83 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,465 But now he's gonna sleep with ours? 84 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,066 Psychologically speaking, 85 00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:56,437 it's perfectly normal to wind up with someone like your parents. 86 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,439 Thanks to my mom, I'll probably wind up... 87 00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:01,475 with someone who loves my brother more than me. 88 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,077 Well, psychologically speaking, I'm gonna go throw up now. 89 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,146 Ah. Ohh. 90 00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:09,383 This baby is making it so I can't button my pants anymore. 91 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,984 Big whoop. In 55 years, 92 00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:14,322 I don't think my dad buttoned his pants even once. 93 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:18,058 Yet somehow, despite sweet talk like that, I don't feel sexy anymore. 94 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:21,462 Are you kidding? I mean, you're-- 95 00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,931 you're even sexier now that you're rounding out. 96 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:27,401 - [ Sharp Inhale ] - I mean, you're even more sexy... 97 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,937 simply because there's so much more of you. 98 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,372 [ Sharp Inhale ] 99 00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,542 I'm never gonna get in the mood while your mammoth Eriksen seed... 100 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,110 is muffin-topping the Bo Diddley out of me. 101 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:42,516 Are you saying no erky-erky until this baby pops out? 102 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:47,455 Okay, that's it. I-- I am making it my mission to help you feel sexy again. 103 00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:48,956 I don't care how much more bloated you get. 104 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:53,327 - I'll get the next round! - Yay, Kevin. Thank you. 105 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,195 So, Ted, you're cool with Kevin, right? 106 00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:56,764 I know he's been over a lot lately. 107 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:59,867 Oh, yeah. Yeah, Kevin's great. 108 00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:03,671 I mean there was, like, one weird thing the other day. 109 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,944 He was just standing there in his boxers? Yeah. 110 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,380 I'll talk to him. 111 00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:17,518 Ted, be honest. 112 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:21,389 You'd bang Lily, right? 113 00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:24,658 [ Ted Narrating ] So later that night, Barney and Nora went skating. 114 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:29,397 Hey, kid, you know how your mom won't let you have ice cream until after dinner, 115 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:32,132 but then the waiting kinda makes it taste better? 116 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:37,270 Well, I've been waiting two months for that bowl of ice cream. 117 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,408 And tonight, I'm gonna have sex with it. 118 00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:49,016 Look, Barney! One foot! Oh! 119 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,984 [ Ted Narrating ] Now, kids, for most guys, 120 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:54,388 this would have meant the end of the date. 121 00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:57,591 But your Uncle Barney is not most guys. 122 00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,693 I can turn this around. 123 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,166 [ Horn Honking ] 124 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:09,036 Well, I'm impressed that you know a 24-hour dentist. 125 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:10,671 Oh, yeah. 126 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:14,442 He can also give you tattoos, do your taxes and alter a suit. 127 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,678 But I wouldn't trust him with a suit 'cause-- [ Imitates Chugging ] 128 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,881 Speaking of drinking, do you wanna-- 129 00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:23,984 No, Barney, tonight's been a disaster. 130 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,920 I think we should just call it a night. No! 131 00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,989 Come on, Nora. 132 00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:31,091 The tooth can't be that bad. Let me see. 133 00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,526 [ Bell Tinkles ] 134 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,930 Which is the fake one again? 135 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,499 [ Chuckles ] 136 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,668 You look beautiful. Mmm. 137 00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,371 All right, maybe I could go for one more drink. 138 00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:46,106 Great! 139 00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:48,141 ** [ Electric Guitar ] 140 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,677 [ Sighs ] It's funny. 141 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,446 Sometimes the most romantic moments can just... 142 00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,081 creep up on you-- [ Squeaking ] 143 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:58,752 [ Screaming ] 144 00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,892 [ Whimpers ] I can turn this around. 145 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,595 Hey, um, 146 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,530 should've mentioned this before, but, um, 147 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:13,400 Ted and I prefer that our guests remain fully clothed in the public areas of the apartment. 148 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,536 Been some complaints. 149 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,571 Wait, did Ted say something? 150 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,473 Well, there's been some complaints. 151 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,610 Not pointing fingers or anything, but let's just keep those pants on, okay? Good talk. 152 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,678 Well, if Ted said that, 153 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:28,115 I've got something to complain about too. Ted's nuts. 154 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:31,418 Okay, yes, Ted is a little neurotic, but I wouldn't say-- 155 00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:34,187 No, no, no, I mean Ted's nuts. 156 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,725 Hey. 157 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:38,959 Hey. 158 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,570 [ Sighs ] 159 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,441 So what? It's his apartment. 160 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,710 You're taking his side? 161 00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:58,478 Wait, this isn't one of those classic... 162 00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:01,582 "you still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend who's oddly also your roommate, 163 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,250 which, for the record, I'm totally cool with... 164 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,219 even though everybody tells me I've walked into a bear trap" things, is it? 165 00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:09,557 No. I just-- I feel bad. 166 00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,391 Ted's going through some stuff right now. 167 00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:15,529 You eyeballing his deal is the most action he's gotten in months. 168 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,798 I'll be nice to him. 169 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,332 Yeah. 170 00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:23,370 So, I was trying to think of how to best express how sexy you are to me. 171 00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:25,573 A song? A poem? 172 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:28,642 And then it hit me. A board game! 173 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,410 You just get women. 174 00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:32,012 No, no. You'll like this. 175 00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:35,583 We answer risqué questions and perform spicy dares... 176 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:38,185 to slowly move up your shapely legs. 177 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,353 I call it Chutes and Lilies. 178 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,189 Oh, I would've guessed Monopo-Lily. 179 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:45,425 Yeah, that would've been better. Okay, game-play! 180 00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:48,461 Roll the die to see who goes first. Forfeit a turn on a pass. 181 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,230 Intended for two to six players. 182 00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:53,000 [ Ted Narrating ] As Marshall explained the many rules of Chutes and Lilies, 183 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,603 Lily thought back to what Kevin said in the bar. 184 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:58,639 It's perfectly normal to wind up with someone like your parents. 185 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:01,274 [ Ted Narrating ] And then she thought of the only other man she knew... 186 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,176 who loved board games that much. 187 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,645 I brought Diseases! 188 00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,146 Marsh-gammon. 189 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,547 Dog Fight Promoter. 190 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,182 Lillial Pursuit. 191 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,619 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 192 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,222 And that's how you play the game. 193 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:20,293 Oh, wait. I forgot to tell you what happens if I land on Community Chest. 194 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,595 Honk, honk. 195 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:23,263 [ Laughs ] 196 00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:28,135 Oh! I just wanna go home, take a long bath and go to bed. 197 00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,369 No! 198 00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,571 I mean, come on. 199 00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:34,174 Uh, my place is so much closer. 200 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:37,811 I'll-I'll draw you a bath, pour you some champagne. 201 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,579 We can forget all about this. 202 00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,915 All right. That sounds good. 203 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,652 ** [ Electric Guitar ] 204 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:49,957 [ Sighs ] That bath was wonderful. Thank you. Of course. 205 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,826 What do you say we go out on the balcony, get some fresh air? 206 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,795 Ooh, that sounds lovely. 207 00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,832 What a beautiful view. 208 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:01,001 I couldn't agree more. 209 00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,540 [ Man ] Good-bye, cruel world! 210 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,310 Oh, my God! I can turn this around. 211 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,814 Shh! Ohh! [ Body Splats On Ground ] 212 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,884 Ooh! Date night. 213 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:20,287 You know what? I'll just, uh-- just watch this in my room. 214 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,589 Already had dinner in there. Why not a movie? 215 00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,591 You should join us. 216 00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:26,960 Yeah. Join us. 217 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,296 No. No, no, no, no. Three's a crowd. 218 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,765 Besides, you guys wouldn't wanna watch this anyway. 219 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:34,034 - Try us. - Well, have you seen Die Hard? 220 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,602 Um, yes. 221 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:40,307 The guy who played Argyle produced this documentary about coin collecting. 222 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:47,447 Now I know my sexy little lady can't resist a bubble bath, 223 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:50,818 especially one with rose petals. 224 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:53,553 Oh, thanks, baby. 225 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:57,557 - [ Chuckles ] - [ Gagging ] 226 00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:59,392 How about a sensual back rub? 227 00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:01,594 [ Groans ] 228 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,430 - Mmm. - Oh. 229 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,766 What's the matter? Lily Pad, you love my back rubs. 230 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:09,102 I-- I do. Very much. 231 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:14,307 Good. Because I got you a brand-new... 232 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:15,843 loofah! 233 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:17,945 [ Whimpering, Murmuring ] 234 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:25,218 Oh, yeah! Oh, rubs. Oh, yeah. 235 00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:28,455 Trying to watch the coin documentary over here. 236 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:32,059 Hey, Ted, ever figure out who you're taking to the concert? 237 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,995 No. Do you wanna go? Sure! 238 00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:37,931 Really? Awesome! It's a date! 239 00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:40,233 [ Ted Narrating ] Now Kevin, as a trained psychologist, 240 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,903 knew the appropriate way to voice his displeasure. 241 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:48,108 I think we need to calmly discuss the relationship dynamics at play here. 242 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:51,078 I'm uncomfortable with how close you two are as roommates, 243 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,114 given your particular romantic history. 244 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:56,116 [ Ted Narrating ] Instead, he took a different approach. 245 00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,951 Oh, hell no! 246 00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,787 If you can go on a date with my girlfriend, 247 00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,956 I don't have to wear pants in your apartment! 248 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:07,761 I can't wait till this baby comes out so we can get started on another one. 249 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:08,929 [ Hushed ] Then again, 250 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,598 why wait? Ew, ew, get off of me! 251 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,166 Damn it! 252 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,803 Ever since Kevin said it's normal to wind up with your parents, 253 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:18,872 I-- I keep picturing you as my dad. 254 00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:22,976 Lily, that theory is crazy town. How do you know? 255 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,245 Because my mother is six foot three, 256 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,180 she buys her clothes at the drug store, 257 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,649 and she prefers to trap her own dinner. 258 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:34,021 I love you more than anything, and you're nothing like her. 259 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:36,623 Ah. 260 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,591 Now that's how you turn a girl on. 261 00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:41,028 Mmm. Mmm. 262 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:44,531 [ Ted Narrating ] But then Marshall really started thinking about Kevin's theory. 263 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,368 Midnight snack. [ Chuckles ] 264 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,171 Midnight snack. Mmm. 265 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:53,841 Oh, yeah! 266 00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:57,978 Oh, yeah! 267 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,648 I am gonna rock... 268 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,183 your... 269 00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,152 world. 270 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:09,857 Yay. 271 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:14,061 If it's any consolation, the, uh-- 272 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,663 the guy stole my Wall Street Journal once. 273 00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:22,435 So I guess the world's kind of a better place without-- 274 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:25,305 God, this night's ruined. 275 00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:26,907 Oh, come here, you. 276 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:34,414 Yes, it's been a very tough night. 277 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,483 But I still think we can turn this around. 278 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,151 Really? 279 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:42,722 Why not? No sense in letting things get us down. 280 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,824 How does that song go again? 281 00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:47,127 * Raindrops on roses * 282 00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:49,596 * And whiskers on kittens * 283 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:53,633 * Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens * 284 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:58,338 * Brown paper packages tied up with strings * 285 00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:02,575 * These are a few of my favorite things * 286 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,711 * When the dog bites * 287 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,846 * When the bee stings * 288 00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:10,417 * When I'm feeling sad * 289 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:14,521 * I simply remember my favorite things * 290 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:17,590 [ Loretta's Voice ] * And then I don't feel * 291 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:21,594 * So bad ** 292 00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,898 Huh. [ Whimpers ] 293 00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:27,100 Mommy, no. 294 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:34,041 I wanna thank you, baby, for reminding me... 295 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,576 of what a vivacious woman I am. 296 00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,346 Yeah. No, no need, really. 297 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:42,449 Ooh, but I've been such a naughty girl. 298 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:44,985 Maybe I need a spanking. 299 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:48,021 Great. We'll-- 300 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,857 We'll just skip the board games... 301 00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:54,962 and get right down to me making love to you. 302 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,031 Ohh! 303 00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,432 Okay, good, 'cause... 304 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:04,972 I'm gonna ride you like an unbroken stallion. 305 00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:09,309 Okay. Giddy up, cowgirl. 306 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,617 Oh, I can't go through with this! Thank God. Me neither! 307 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,520 You're too much like my dad! You're too much like my dad! 308 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,090 Your dad? 309 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:27,460 Okay, dropping trou-- bad idea. We're moving on from that. 310 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,062 This guy's a snake. 311 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:32,199 What? No! Ted-- he's a nice guy. 312 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,067 A really, really nice guy. 313 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,236 You should be more like him. 314 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,671 - Mom, right on schedule. - What? 315 00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,774 Nothing. I'm just saying, you think he's so fragile, 316 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,443 and yet-- Whoa, whoa. Fragile? 317 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:46,713 You think I'm fragile? Yeah, fragile like a fox. 318 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:51,351 First, he tries scaring me off with his little peep show. Then he crashes our movie. 319 00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,988 Now he's got tickets to some super-romantic concert. 320 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,557 It's Weird Al Yankovic. 321 00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:01,694 Okay. But still, who's the first person he asks to go with him? My girlfriend. 322 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,463 [ Chuckles ] Oh, man. Okay. 323 00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,632 You think I'm the first person Ted asked? 324 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,336 Ted, am I the first person you asked? 325 00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:12,072 Marshall! 326 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,474 - You, me, Weird Al. - No, thanks, Ted. 327 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:17,544 Barney! I got two tickets to Weird Al Yankov-- 328 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,312 - [ Beeps ] - Barney? 329 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:23,816 Lily! Come on! You'll be the hottest girl there! 330 00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:26,486 - Okay, you'll be the only girl there. - [ Beeps ] 331 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,388 Stuart! 332 00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,423 Claudia! 333 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,624 Brad! 334 00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,760 Nat-alie! 335 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,895 Trudy! 336 00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,897 Ranjit! 337 00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:40,500 Carl the bartender! 338 00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,103 Dude from my bodega! 339 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,672 Steam cleaning coupon guy! 340 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,707 Mom! 341 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,442 Please? I'll fly you out. 342 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:52,745 Mmm, I don't think so. I'm sorry, sweet pea. 343 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,514 Is Clint there? 344 00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,085 No. 345 00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:01,488 Wow. You really are pretty fragile. 346 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:06,093 Look, I'm trying to explain to you guys that I-- 347 00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,595 [ Crying ] Well, how do you expect me to feel? 348 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:12,465 I mean, all I want is for someone to go to a Weird Al concert with me, 349 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:15,235 and I'm stuck going with my roommate. 350 00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:17,970 Yeah, I might have to rain check you there, buddy. 351 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,639 I'm not a Weird Al fan. 352 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,908 He's just a rip-off of Peculiar Jacques. 353 00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:25,478 ** [ Accordion ] 354 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,047 I guess I'm going to this concert alone. 355 00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:30,183 I'll be that weird guy. 356 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,419 I mean, that other weird guy. 357 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,554 You know, there is one guy you didn't ask yet. 358 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:38,991 Someone who happens to be the biggest Weird Al fan in the whole world. 359 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,861 Kevin? 360 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,663 Ted! 361 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,566 Oh! Oh, you are gonna flip when you see our tickets. 362 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:49,402 They're in the shape of an accordion. What! 363 00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,774 So, uh, you like Weird Al? 364 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,209 Not in the slightest. 365 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,550 No, dude. I'm the biggest Weird Al fan. 366 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,252 I know. I'm agreeing with you. 367 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:08,821 Do you know that I gave him the idea for "Like a Surgeon." Yeah. Yeah. 368 00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:11,358 I wrote him a fan letter, and then a few months later-- 369 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,860 [ Others ] Bam! Top of the charts! 370 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:18,331 You guys can eat it. Just eat it. 371 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,800 - Hey. - Hey, how'd it go with Nora? 372 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:24,371 Well, among other things, I realized Nora's a lot like my mom. 373 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,806 I'll bet that ruined things, huh? 374 00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,608 ** [ Electric Guitar ] 375 00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:32,345 - Come on. Barney Stinson always turns it around. - How? 376 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:37,250 Simple. I turned... it... around. 377 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,785 [ All ] Oh. 378 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,387 Huh? Huh? 379 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:43,423 So the mom thing wasn't a total deal-breaker, huh? 380 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:46,526 No! Guys, my mom is the best person I know. 381 00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:50,363 If Nora's even the tiniest bit like her, I'm a lucky guy. 382 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,367 Hey, you know what? 383 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,704 I'm a real lucky guy. 384 00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,172 'Cause I married my dad. 385 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,408 [ Chuckles ] Aw. 386 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,611 So, uh, you wanna go get luckier? 387 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,616 Bye, guys. See ya. 388 00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:16,088 - So, what should we do now? - We should do nothing. 389 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:20,059 You guys get out of here. Go watch your movie. I'm fine. Really. 390 00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,694 - You sure? - Yeah. 391 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,530 Thanks, buddy. 392 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,769 Uh, hey. Hey, Kevin! 393 00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,671 I think I'm a clone now! 394 00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:35,141 [ Laughs ] 395 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,976 I'm sorry. [ Chuckles ] 396 00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:38,611 Were you just quoting Weird Al? 397 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,313 I was indeed. 398 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,782 I'm a huge Weird Al fan. 399 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,652 Well, then, I need to buy you a drink. 400 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,987 I'll have a glass of champagne, sweet pea. 401 00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:51,558 One glass of champan-- Sweet pea? 402 00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:55,194 Sure. Meeting a fellow Weird Al fan? 403 00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:57,697 That's cause for celebration. 404 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,535 Bottle of bubbly coming right up! 405 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,271 [ Chuckles ] 406 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,219 [ Exhales ] 407 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:24,056 [ Sighs ] "Dear Mr. Yankovic, 408 00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:28,027 my name is Ted Mosby, eight years old. 409 00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:31,030 'Eat It' changed my life." Blah, blah, blah. 410 00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:32,699 Uh! Here we go. 411 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:36,235 "I have some ideas for new songs you could do." 412 00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:39,572 Why can't they just leave me alone? 413 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:42,775 "'Wake Me Up Before You Pogo.'" 414 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:45,612 Spent a whole afternoon on that one. 415 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,981 "'Like a Surgeon.'" [ Scoffs ] 416 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:56,523 * I finally made it through med school * 417 00:20:56,589 --> 00:21:01,361 * Somehow I made it through ** 418 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,930 Vinny, start recording!