1 00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:03,237 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, in October 2011, 2 00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:05,173 your Aunt Robin was in therapy. 3 00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:08,342 And against all logic, it was actually going well. 4 00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:12,480 But why? Why am I constantly looking for reasons not to be happy? 5 00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:17,185 Maybe because the idea of finally being happy terrifies you. 6 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:20,421 Bro, you are killin' it today. 7 00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:22,790 Pssh! Pssh! 8 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,458 We got something good here. 9 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,960 We are totes gonna conquer my fear of abandonment. 10 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,462 I can't see you anymore. 11 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:32,500 Nice. "Oh, no! You're abandoning me!" 12 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:35,836 Oh, no. You're abandoning me? 13 00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,839 I'm sorry. I'm moving to Alaska. 14 00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:42,076 [ Ted Narrating ] And that might have been the end of it. 15 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:43,411 But a week later-- 16 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,279 Hmm. Kevin? 17 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,615 [ Scoffs ] What are you doing here? 18 00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:51,785 Okay, look. I lied to you about moving to Alaska. 19 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,987 I-- I had to stop seeing you. 20 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,056 Why? 21 00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:57,791 Because I think you're cute, 22 00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:01,495 and, ethically, I can't be your therapist if I'm attracted to you. 23 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:05,566 Oh, I get it. You dumped me as a patient just so you can ask me out? 24 00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:08,001 I'm not gonna ask you out. You're not? 25 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,670 No. 26 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:13,507 We met in therapy. It's inappropriate for me to date a patient. 27 00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,610 Anyway, it was nice seeing you. 28 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:22,216 Wait. How do you define "date"? 29 00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:25,519 Two people having a meal together, 30 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,921 sitting across the table, making googly eyes at each other. 31 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,558 What about two people eating alone, 32 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:35,163 sitting side by side, making googly eyes at the coffee maker? 33 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,898 Okay. It's not a date. 34 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,000 Exactly. Not a date. [ Chuckles ] 35 00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:42,770 [ Ted Narrating ] And so Robin and Kevin had breakfast alone, 36 00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:45,038 side by side, 37 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,840 every day that week. 38 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,477 Until finally-- 39 00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:52,346 [ Man ] * Did you ever think * 40 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,982 * About the roads we traveled far ** 41 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,784 Ah! Hey. Sorry. 42 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,253 No cabs. Ran 40 blocks all the way here. 43 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,390 May have knocked an old lady into the street. Don't know. I didn't look back. 44 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,992 Let's just go on a real date. That might be a good idea. 45 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,827 Finally! 46 00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:10,764 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 47 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,335 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 48 00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:21,275 ** [ Ends ] 49 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:24,178 Oh, I can't wait to see that movie! Is it good? 50 00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:25,813 Awesome. Wait! Totally hypothetically, 51 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,815 do you like movies with a shocking twist... 52 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,517 where all the main characters die at the end? 53 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:32,019 - Yes! - You will love this movie! 54 00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:34,522 Hey, guys. Hey, Marsh. What's up? 55 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:38,559 I'll tell you what's up. You know how my boss, Garrison Cootes, 56 00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:41,161 is like the most famous environmental lawyer in the world? 57 00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:43,997 [ All ] Yeah. 58 00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,200 I mean, it's him or the other guy. 59 00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:50,003 - Sir Anthony Howel. - [ All ] Yeah. 60 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,739 Anyway, he's an important guy, okay? 61 00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:55,643 So today at work, I was trying to show him that I'm tough. 62 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,479 I've been thinking about this settlement offer... 63 00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,748 we're about to get from Gruber Pharmaceuticals. 64 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:03,183 If it's anything less than $20 million, 65 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:06,554 then I'm gonna grab those corporate Earth rapists by their-- 66 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,422 Okay, I'm just gonna say something. 67 00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:10,324 I'm growing a child in my belly, 68 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,893 a child that just developed ears. 69 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,895 This is a very thin sweater. 70 00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:18,599 So please, if you must tell your story, just make it cheerful. 71 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,301 Cheerful. 72 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,336 Okay. 73 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:23,971 Then I'm gonna grab those corporate-- 74 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,406 Employees. 75 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:27,475 by their sweaty, dangling-- 76 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,476 Hands. 77 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,011 and squeeze until those greedy sons of-- 78 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,314 - Parents. - realize that I'm the baddest mother-- 79 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:36,384 Nature lover around. 80 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:39,119 It's like watching The Breakfast Club on TBS. 81 00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:40,988 So what did he say? 82 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,957 Marshall, bend down so I can put my arm around you. 83 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,895 That's-- All the way down. That's good. 84 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:51,932 Gruber Pharmaceuticals is a company full of well-meaning people doing their jobs, 85 00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,801 just like you and me. 86 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,504 Guys, I-I'm afraid that Garrison Cootes has gone soft! 87 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,539 He's like a teddy bear! 88 00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:01,309 A teddy bear or an Ewok? 89 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,377 You know, cute and cuddly around the village, 90 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,145 but once the battle starts-- 91 00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:08,716 He'll smash in your metal skull with giant swinging logs! 92 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:09,650 Marshall! 93 00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,485 Okay, he'll hug you until you agree... 94 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,421 to peaceably shut down the Death Star. 95 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:16,290 - Hey, sweetie. - Hey! Mmm. 96 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:18,492 - What are we all talking about? - Ewoks. 97 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,294 Ugh. I hate the Ewoks. 98 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,195 The only good thing about Ewoks in that movie? 99 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,832 You got to see some of them die. 100 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,467 Well, I fancy a pint. 101 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:31,505 Nora hates Ewoks. Well, I have to break up with her. 102 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,507 Be gentle when you tell her, guys. 103 00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:36,176 I'll call you from Vegas. Tell me how it went, okay? 104 00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:38,045 Okay, Barney. Sit down. 105 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:42,049 Not liking Ewoks is no reason not to date somebody. 106 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,952 Yeah! I mean, who knows what the rules are, ya know? 107 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,588 I mean, you're dating a girl who doesn't like Ewoks. 108 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,257 - I'm dating my former therapist. - Ohh! 109 00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:53,226 - [ Affected Accent ] We are gentlemen of Harvard! - It's not a big deal. 110 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,928 Robin, if you asked a hundred people... 111 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,797 who's the worst person you could possibly date, 112 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,732 they'd all say, "Your therapist." 113 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,168 Except the ones saying "Barney." Hey! 114 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,903 Yeah, that tracks. 115 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:06,474 Well, I should get going. I got the big field trip tomorrow. 116 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:07,775 - Field trip? - Yeah. 117 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,477 I'm taking my Intro to Architecture class... 118 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,645 to the GNB Tower construction site. 119 00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:14,214 I'm trying to get them interested in architecture as a career. 120 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,116 Why? Are we running out of buildings? 121 00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,551 Are we running out of boring people? 122 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,820 You guys, this is a big deal, okay? 123 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:22,556 If I can get just one kid interested in becoming an architect-- 124 00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,625 Okay, I'm just gonna stop you right there. 125 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:27,127 Ted, it's an intro class. 126 00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:30,030 Yeah. Don't try to Stand and Deliver an intro class. 127 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:33,033 Nobody takes an intro class to get on any other path... 128 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,736 but the path to not being hungover anymore. 129 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:39,840 I learned that in my Intro to Something-ology class. 130 00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,242 Well, that's fine for something-ology, 131 00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,678 but tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. sharp, 132 00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:47,481 Intro to Architecture is going on a field trip. 133 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,116 All 200 of 'em. 134 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,784 Well, it's 9:45. 135 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:54,221 I guess the other 170 of you got lost, so we'll just start. 136 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:59,126 Now, some might say you guys are just taking this class because it's easy... 137 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:02,029 or because you've confused architecture with archaeology... 138 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,865 and think we're gonna do some cool Indiana Jones stuff today. 139 00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,434 But I think that-- 140 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,439 I think, just maybe... 141 00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:13,306 we got some future architects in the house. 142 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:17,711 Show of hands. Who's thinking about a career in architecture? 143 00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:23,016 Well, today all that's gonna change. 144 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,618 Follow me. 145 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,155 Hi. 146 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,057 Sorry. Nobody gets in here without a site pass. 147 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:33,694 Uh, it's okay. I'm Ted Mosby, the architect of this building. 148 00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:36,063 I don't care if you're the archaeologist of this building. 149 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,798 Site's closed. 150 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,404 Moving on! 151 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,941 [ Ted Narrating ] That morning, Marshall's firm... 152 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,511 was getting the settlement offer from Gruber Pharmaceuticals, 153 00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:54,247 and Marshall couldn't wait to see the teddy bear turn into an Ewok. 154 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:58,418 Gruber Pharmaceuticals dumped toxic waste into Frog Creek, 155 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:01,589 a tributary of the Trout River that feeds into Clearwater Lake-- 156 00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:04,191 all three of which now need new names. 157 00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:10,097 So, it's time to win one for Mother Earth. 158 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:13,200 - Let's take out the trash, shall we? - Yes! 159 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,835 All right. Everyone grab a bag. 160 00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:18,138 Blue's recycling. Green-- compost. There we go. 161 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:23,511 Sheila, we're ready to hear your offer. 162 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:36,056 $24,000? 163 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,664 Yeah, that seems reasonable. 164 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,970 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, I was wandering the city... 165 00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:51,972 with 25 Intro to Architecture students... 166 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,074 when your Uncle Barney came to my rescue. 167 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:57,611 Okay, guys. Seeing a building get built-- not that exciting. 168 00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:00,247 What's really exciting is the financial side of-- 169 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,784 Sit down, Ted. I got this. Hey, weird beard. Lights! 170 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,220 College. It's a confusing time. 171 00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,622 Oh, no. 172 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:12,693 Studies show that 83% of all college students... 173 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,595 desperately need... 174 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,096 [ Echoing ] sex lessons! 175 00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,965 Lights! 176 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,267 Barney, these are 18-year-olds! 177 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,470 Ted, these are 18-year-olds! 178 00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,773 You have a girlfriend. 179 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,440 But she doesn't like Ewoks! 180 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,376 So what? So what? 181 00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:32,045 Bieber, lights! 182 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:34,748 In 1983, 183 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,751 George Lucas introduced the world to the Ewoks, 184 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:41,755 a race of creatures indigenous to the second moon of Endor. 185 00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:45,258 Now, the Ewoks have a rich backstory that the movie didn't really go into-- 186 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:48,061 Barney, why don't you just skip to the part about you and Nora? 187 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,663 [ Sighs ] Fine. 188 00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:00,841 Ah, yes. 189 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:04,912 Ultimately, Ewoks split Star Wars fandom into two camps: 190 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:10,017 those born before, and those born after, May 25, 1973-- 191 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:13,153 the Ewok Line. 192 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,989 Anyone born on this side of the Ewok Line-- [ Bell Dings ] 193 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,859 was at least 10 years old when Jedi came out... 194 00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:22,930 and thus too old for something so cloying and cute. 195 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:27,635 Anyone born on this side loved the Ewoks... 196 00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,737 because why? 197 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,906 They reminded you of-- 198 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:37,277 - Our teddies? - They reminded you of your teddies. 199 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:40,113 - Thank you, Gina. - How do you know her name? 200 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:44,317 And so, by the immutable laws of the Ewok Line, 201 00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:49,056 my "29-year-old" "girlfriend" who hates Ewoks... 202 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:54,628 must, in fact, be no younger than 37. 203 00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:57,064 That's only a year younger than Will's mom. 204 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,366 - How do you know my mom? - Class dismissed! 205 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,968 I need to be alone. 206 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,637 All right. We're moving on. Oh, can I come? 207 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,906 [ Rings ] Hey, baby. 208 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:09,276 Hey! I just want to remind you we have Dr. Sonya at 4:00. 209 00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,011 I'll be there. I'm sorry. 210 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:14,481 I'm just-- I'm bummed. We got our settlement offer today. 211 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:17,851 $24,000 from a billion-dollar company. 212 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,287 Wow. I take it people aren't happy about that. 213 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:23,156 We won! Champagne and cake for everybody! 214 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,993 They're celebrating. I mean, it's crazy. 215 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,828 We have no right to be eating cake! 216 00:10:27,895 --> 00:10:30,563 There's cake? I'm on my way! 217 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,901 [ Ted Narrating ] Meanwhile, the worst field trip of all time was still truckin'. 218 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,937 All right. This-- This is exciting, okay? 219 00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:40,841 This is the very room where I had the idea for the GNB Tower. 220 00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:44,044 Now, Webster's defines "inspiration" as-- 221 00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,246 Ah, hold on. It's still loading. 222 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,815 Uh, hey, roomie. 223 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,983 Robin! Hey! What are-- What are you doing here? 224 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,619 Well, I was about to get my swerve on. 225 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:54,521 You were? 226 00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:57,657 So you're the therapist. 227 00:10:57,725 --> 00:11:00,761 You know, it's one thing to pretend to be a shrink and bang your patients. 228 00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:02,329 That's normal. 229 00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:05,733 But to do it for real? Little creepy, bro. 230 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,567 Okay, it's not creepy! 231 00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:10,403 [ Together ] Ehh, it's creepy. 232 00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:13,373 Class, show of hands. Who thinks it's creepy to date your therapist? 233 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:15,776 - Pollstered. - Get out! 234 00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,745 All right! We're moving on! 235 00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:21,481 So, class, to your left you will see some excellent examples... 236 00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:25,452 of what we call windows. 237 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,757 So where are we going now? I have no idea. This is a disaster. 238 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,025 Some of them have already started to go home. 239 00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:34,728 Although, we seem to have picked up a German family. 240 00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:37,530 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 241 00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:40,300 That thing with Robin and her creepy therapist gave me an idea. 242 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:45,005 Ted, we have here a way to solve every single debate we've ever had. 243 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,974 I mean, just look at this sample-- 244 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,977 guys, girls, blacks, Asians, a German family. 245 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,645 You can't pay for that kind of focus group! 246 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,348 Is macaroni salad really a salad? 247 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,650 Hands up if you say no. 248 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,919 Ha! 249 00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,854 Jacob or Edward? Who says Edward? 250 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:05,158 [ Laughs ] See? Told you. It's Edward James Olmos. 251 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:09,429 Would you rather have sex with a dead human being... 252 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:11,098 or a live an-- 253 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,300 Dude! Find the line. What? 254 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,335 Who thinks David Hasselhoff is awesome? 255 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,505 Hmm. It's true. 256 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,340 Okay. I've got one. 257 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,410 If you're dating a girl and she lies about her age, who says break up with her? 258 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,946 Yes, yes. But what if the person she's lying to... 259 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:28,982 is notoriously shallow about age? 260 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,683 But what if early in our relationship, 261 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,887 she made a really big deal about wanting to not lie to each other? 262 00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,923 What if she's hot? 263 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,125 Who wants five bucks? 264 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,492 Pollstered! 265 00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:43,196 Let's do this. [ Chuckling ] 266 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,665 [ Clears Throat ] 267 00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:49,402 Oh? Yeah? [ Laughing ] Hmm. 268 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,739 Okay, this is creepy. It's Crispin Glover creepy. 269 00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,308 You were my patient. You shared intimate stuff. 270 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,878 It'd be like dating your gynecologist. 271 00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:59,847 You were vulnerable. 272 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:02,549 That's not something we can move past. 273 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,551 I guess not. 274 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,955 So, dating your gyno-- that's bad too? 275 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,891 Oh, Robin. Kidding! 276 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,193 Look! We've got another one! ** [ Pop ] 277 00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:17,797 Come on. Have a bite. No! It's a matter of principle. 278 00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:20,934 I don't care how good it is. I'm not gonna have a third piece of cake! 279 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,235 [ Party Horn Toots ] 280 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,905 Okay, guys, we've all had a lot of fun today, 281 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:28,208 but now it's time... to have even more fun! 282 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,310 Another cake! 283 00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:33,947 Another cake? What is the matter with you people? 284 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:37,817 That settlement today was a flaming pile of... 285 00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,320 puppies. 286 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:41,955 That aren't on fire! 287 00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:46,359 Look at what's happening to the environment, and we're here doing the limbo? 288 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,896 I mean, we should be ashamed of ourselves. 289 00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:51,965 ** [ Pop ] 290 00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:57,370 [ Door Closes ] 291 00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,973 Sir, all I meant was-- 292 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,976 Ten years from right now, 293 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,545 everyone outside in that bull pen will be dead. 294 00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,080 What? 295 00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:08,815 I've seen the latest research, Marsh. 296 00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:12,652 You know how I'm always saying it's not too late to save the planet? 297 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,521 It's too late to save the planet. 298 00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,025 There's nothing to do but sit back... 299 00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:21,461 and await our inevitable doom. 300 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:22,829 [ Horn Toots ] 301 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,397 Oh, my goodness! A piñata! 302 00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,300 Just give me one minute, Larry. Thank you. 303 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,537 Our grotesque, inevitable doom! 304 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,741 Now, of course, you can't go around telling all the people... 305 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:37,810 that the good ship Environmentalism has sailed off into the sunset. 306 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,612 That would cause a panic. 307 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:44,351 So, instead, what we do is we come to work, we put on a happy face... 308 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:48,521 and we sue the big guys for just enough money for some cake... 309 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,491 before the unfiltered rays of the sun... 310 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,493 fry us like chalupas... 311 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,329 and our lungs fill up with salt water... 312 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,531 and we all die! 313 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,934 ** [ Singing, Indistinct ] Mmm. This cake is delicious. Everything's fine. 314 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,140 This day sucks. 315 00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,042 Kevin and I are kaputski. 316 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:11,078 You think that's bad? 317 00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:12,980 The world is coming to an end. 318 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,415 You think that's bad? 319 00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:19,219 My girlfriend is 37. 320 00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:22,355 And my field trip is not going as well as I'd hoped. 321 00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:26,426 This day sucks. 322 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,029 Professor Mosby, is the field trip over? 323 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:30,897 We'd like to go home. 324 00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:34,001 Yeah, it's over. Auf Wiedersehen. 325 00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:37,670 I just wanted to inspire them, you know, 326 00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,939 like my professors inspired me. 327 00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:43,076 But here we are, at the end of the day-- 328 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:44,577 Hey, class, quick question. 329 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,214 Is anyone here thinking of becoming an architect? 330 00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,984 [ Clicks Tongue ] 331 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,256 Really? Yeah, dude. 332 00:15:56,323 --> 00:16:00,127 I mean, all jobs suck, but it's 4:00 in the afternoon, 333 00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:02,162 and you're out at a bar with your friends, 334 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:04,631 so the hours can't be that bad. 335 00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:08,901 So, yeah. I don't know. I'd think about it. 336 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,139 [ Voice Quavering ] I got through to you! 337 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:15,808 I mean, that is if becoming a deejay doesn't pan out. 338 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:19,046 You are gonna be a great architect. 339 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,747 [ Ted Narrating ] He became a deejay. 340 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:26,719 Robin, what are you doing here? I told you I can't be your therapist. 341 00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:30,823 - I know. Today, I am your therapist. - What? 342 00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,893 You said yourself I'm always looking for reasons not to be happy. 343 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,296 Well, I'm trying to change that. 344 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,698 So, if the only reason we can't be together... 345 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:42,102 is because I was in a vulnerable place for the first two hours we knew each other, 346 00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:46,206 then that is two hours of vulnerability you owe me. 347 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,442 - Sit down. - Okay. 348 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,245 Okay, but I must warn you, 349 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,881 as a professional, I'm immune to-- 350 00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:57,850 - Tell me about your mother. - Everything she says is a manipulation! 351 00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,086 When I was-- 352 00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:01,888 - Mr. Cootes? - Hey. 353 00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:04,324 Listen, I've been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday... 354 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,093 about how we're all gonna die. 355 00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,528 Oh, I'm not gonna die. 356 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,697 I bought an old mine shaft in Colorado. 357 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:14,301 I've spent the last six months filling it with canned goods, assault rifles... 358 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,703 and all five seasons of Friday Night Lights. 359 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:19,739 Okay, first of all, you can skip season two. 360 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:23,343 Second of all, after our talk, 361 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:26,679 I came pretty close to giving up myself. 362 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:29,282 But then I went to the doctor with my wife... 363 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:33,553 and I saw this. 364 00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,292 Boy or girl? 365 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,628 I don't know, 366 00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:44,131 but I know I sure as hell can't give up now. 367 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:49,569 So if you're just looking for someone to hold the other end of the limbo stick, 368 00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:52,038 you got the wrong guy for the job, and you know why? 369 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:54,807 'Cause you're three feet taller than everyone in this office? 370 00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:58,077 No, because if I am gonna work here, 371 00:17:58,145 --> 00:17:59,812 then first thing tomorrow morning, 372 00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:02,649 I'm walking down to Gruber Pharmaceuticals and I'm rejecting their offer. 373 00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:06,153 Even if I have to do it myself. 374 00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:12,625 Listen, I want you to know... I know. 375 00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,127 Know what? 376 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,596 Nora. Barney. 377 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,998 Nora. Just say what you're gonna say! 378 00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:21,368 I know you're old! 379 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:25,538 And I've been struggling with it, but, when I look at you, 380 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:29,142 I don't care because I really like you. 381 00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:33,546 And because for 37, you are keeping it "toit"! 382 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,882 You think I'm 37? 383 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,350 Well, if you were really 29, 384 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:40,220 then you would have been a little kid the first time you saw the Ewoks... 385 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,821 and you would have loved 'em. 386 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:44,857 Barney, I didn't see any of the Star Wars movies until last year. 387 00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,459 You-- 388 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,596 You're 29! 389 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:53,333 You still have one good year left! What? 390 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,736 Nothing. Mmm! Mmm! Mmm. 391 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,872 But Naveen's the neurosurgeon, so of course he gets all the attention! 392 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:04,477 Oh, Naveen is so smart. He operates on people's brains! 393 00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:09,582 Well, guess what, Mom? I treat the human mind! 394 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,551 Our time is up. 395 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:12,952 [ Exhales ] 396 00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,487 I don't think this is gonna work. 397 00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:16,323 I scared you off, didn't I? 398 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:19,826 No. I mean I don't think I can be your therapist. 399 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,494 You're really cute. 400 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:27,567 [ Ted Narrating ] The next day, Marshall returned to Gruber Pharmaceuticals alone. 401 00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:30,670 I mean, you admit that you polluted the lake. 402 00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:34,774 We got the evidence, we got the charts, the fish. 403 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,779 Fish, huh? 404 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,448 Fish are weird. 405 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:44,217 You ever think about the names of fish? 406 00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,753 I mean, come on. Carp? 407 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,689 Garrison, what a nice surprise. 408 00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:52,191 Your star apprentice was just, uh-- 409 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,026 Floundering. 410 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:57,163 Little fish humor for you guys. 411 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,131 It was not going well. 412 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,401 I'm here to turn down the 24,000. 413 00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:05,204 [ Scoffs ] Well, I can maybe get you 24.5. 414 00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:10,610 Not... good... enough. 415 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,550 Where are we going? 416 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,952 To war, son. 417 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,921 We're going to war. 418 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,726 We're gonna save the planet. 419 00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:30,697 [ Ted Narrating ] And kids, as we now know, they did. 420 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,768 Hey, you know what was on last night? 421 00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:38,471 Stand and Deliver. So good. Mm-hmm. 422 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:41,040 Whatever happened to Jacob James Olmos? 423 00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:43,009 Who? 424 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,244 Jacob James Olmos. Whatever happened to that guy? 425 00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:48,247 He never existed. It's Edward James Olmos. 426 00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:52,285 You're "Olmos" correct. It's Jacob James Olmos. 427 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:54,421 - It's Edward James Olmos. - Jacob James Olmos. 428 00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,589 - Edward James Olmos. - You're joking, right? 429 00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:58,891 - Are you serious? Seriously? - It's Jacob James Olmos.