1 00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:02,470 Hey. 2 00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:04,872 What do you guys think of my new ducky tie? 3 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,307 Pretty cute, right? 4 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,242 And not that much more expensive than a regular tie. 5 00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,978 - Hmm. - A ducky tie? 6 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:15,816 Bro, why do you do this when you know I must slam you for it? 7 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,486 You guys might wanna look away 'cause this ain't gonna be pretty. 8 00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,522 You ready? 9 00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,757 Duck, duck, gross. 10 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:25,759 Hashtag burn! 11 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:29,197 Hashtag duck tie slams. Hashtag Stinson rocks. 12 00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:30,864 What else is going on? 13 00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:33,301 Oh. Guess who I ran into. 14 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:36,604 A girl from my past. Any guesses? 15 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:37,605 - Stella. - Zoey. 16 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,340 - Karen? - The girl who beat you up. 17 00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:40,674 The girl who ruined a photo with Slash. 18 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,610 The girl who made you get the butterfly tattoo? 19 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:45,513 You make it sound like I've dated a series of Stieg Larsson novels. 20 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,415 Perhaps I need to be a little more specific. 21 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,850 I met this girl at a wedding. 22 00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:53,421 We were together for a while, but then she moved to Germany. 23 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:56,424 We decided to try long-distance, but it didn't work... 24 00:00:56,490 --> 00:01:00,328 because I cheated on her with someone at this very table. 25 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:03,231 - Victoria. - Victoria! 26 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:06,167 She catered dessert for the Architects' Ball. 27 00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,869 Wow. I mean, what's it been-- like what, six years? 28 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,839 Yeah. It-It's so funny how the past-- 29 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,276 You know, you think you're doing fine, but, you know, because true love-- 30 00:01:15,343 --> 00:01:18,946 God, Lily. What on earth is going on with your cans? 31 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:21,215 Ah, these old things? Hmm. 32 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,117 I got my pregnancy boobs! 33 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:26,587 I'm in that sweet spot where the "chestal" area knows I'm pregnant... 34 00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:28,522 but hasn't told the downstairs neighbors. 35 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,524 Well, what are you waiting for, Lil? 36 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,960 - Bust 'em out. Make 'em dance. - No. 37 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:36,630 * Let your boobies show * 38 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:40,368 Okay, I'm sorry, pal, but the party in my wife's sweater... 39 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,936 is a private event, and I'm the bouncer, so-- 40 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,705 Dude, I think they's the bouncers. 41 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:47,875 Okay. Can we stop talking about my wife's breasts? 42 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:48,942 Please? Uh-uh. 43 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,444 Ted ran into Victoria! 44 00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,413 I know. I'm still a little shaken by it. 45 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,114 There she was after all these years. 46 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:57,318 The emotions and memories and-- 47 00:01:57,385 --> 00:02:00,053 Geez, Lily, it's like you have a butt on your chest. 48 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,989 Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop! 49 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,558 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 50 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,861 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 51 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:14,868 ** [ Ends ] 52 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,174 Why on earth would I wanna see that? 53 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:23,477 They're round and attached to my body. It's an even trade. 54 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,579 - Okay, who wants dinner? - [ Sneezes ] 55 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,381 Bless you. Let's go to Shinjitsu. 56 00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:29,149 Ah, again? Really? 57 00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:30,718 You bring that up, like, once a month. 58 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,620 It's hibachi grilling with a vaudeville twist. 59 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,922 I mean, come on. Who's in? I'll do it. 60 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,924 No. Forget it. 61 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,393 Okay, how about this? If you can go 10 seconds... 62 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,262 without looking at Lily's boobs, 63 00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:42,863 we'll go wherever you want to go. 64 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,866 [ Scoffs ] Deal. 65 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,072 Damn it! 66 00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:53,907 Oh, well. 67 00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:58,879 So you saw Victoria. You must have been freaked. 68 00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:01,249 No. It was cool. 69 00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,684 ** [ Band: Cool Jazz ] 70 00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,586 Hey, Ted. 71 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,020 Hey, kiddo. 72 00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:10,824 [ Chuckling ] Okay, Ted. 'Cause from where I was standing-- 73 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:13,361 ** [ Piano: Ragtime ] 74 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:26,039 Robin! Just-- 75 00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:29,777 Okay? I'm telling the story. 76 00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,813 Instead of the obligatory awkward small talk, 77 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,984 let me just kick this off by saying... 78 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,152 I'm really, really sorry. 79 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:43,957 Thanks. That's unnecessary. But thanks. 80 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:47,428 - So, it wasn't awkward. - It was a little awkward. 81 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,930 - Not really. - It was a little awkward. 82 00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:54,034 Lucky for you, the cavalry rode in to smooth things over. 83 00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:57,104 So, uh-- 84 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,706 I stole your boyfriend. 85 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,742 That was, like, crazy. 86 00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,243 Like, what? 87 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:07,247 But bridge-- water under it. 88 00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:09,383 It was all Ted's fault. He got me drunk. 89 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:11,352 What? Yeah. Be right there. 90 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,989 Oh! Guess who's here. Robin. 91 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,458 Oh. 92 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:20,160 I'm really happy for you guys. You look cute together. 93 00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:21,729 Oh, no, no. We're not together. 94 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,997 I mean, we dated for, like, a year, 95 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,966 but, uh, now we're just friends. 96 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,901 - It's not weird. - No, no. 97 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,303 Why would that be weird? 98 00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:32,340 - I mean, if you hung out every day, that would-- - We do. 99 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,041 still not be weird. 100 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,810 You know, I don't know anybody that hangs out with their ex every day. 101 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:39,880 - Well, Barney does. - Really? Who's Barney's ex-girlfriend? 102 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,115 - Robin. - Your Robin? 103 00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,151 Mine and Barney's, yeah. 104 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:46,854 You don't all three hang out together? 105 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,591 - All the time. - And we have weird. 106 00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:53,761 - It's not weird. - Has anyone gotten a bite yet? 107 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:57,230 Oh, good. Here we go. The main event. 108 00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:01,068 Oh, we got Takumi. He is good. Who am I kidding? They're all amazing. 109 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,636 Let the "dinnertainment" begin! 110 00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:06,540 [ Barney ] Oh, that reminds me. 111 00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,509 There's this other restaurant we should try sometime. 112 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:13,581 What they do is, they cook your meal in a little room called a "kitchen." 113 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,549 What's the name of that? Oh, yeah. 114 00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,285 "Every Other Restaurant in New York City." 115 00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,920 Hashtag burn. 116 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:24,392 Hashtag your tie is still dumb. Hashtag refill! 117 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:29,797 - So you're talking to Victoria. - I'm talking to Victoria. 118 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:32,099 Well, I should probably get back to the bakery. 119 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,301 I'm taking the late bus out to the Hamptons tonight, 120 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:38,238 and I've got a sink full of dishes my assistant did not clean. 121 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,674 Because my assistant is me. [ Chuckles ] 122 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:43,444 But it was really good seeing you, Ted. 123 00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,446 Yeah, you too. 124 00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,682 Wait. 125 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,485 Let me do the dishes. What? 126 00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:54,187 Victoria, do you believe in fate? 127 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:57,758 - I believe you're about to give a big speech on fate. - Well, I do. 128 00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:00,093 And I think when two people like you and me... 129 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,930 randomly bump into each other, it means something. 130 00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:05,466 I have to make amends for what I did. 131 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:10,704 Look, I can't undo what I did six years ago, but... I can wash dishes. 132 00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,574 It's actually something I'm good at. 133 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,076 - Ted. - I swear to you, 134 00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:18,546 I am not trying anything. 135 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,448 * I said a-bang, bang, bangity-bang * 136 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,015 * I said a-bang, bang, bangity-bang ** 137 00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:23,651 Guys. Guys! 138 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,352 Shut up! 139 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,154 Give the artist a little respect. 140 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,690 Sir, I apologize-- for that-- 141 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,859 and for what I am about to say. 142 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,761 Here's my impression of this guy. 143 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,963 Uh! Ooh! 144 00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:37,565 [ Grunting ] 145 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,133 Welcome to Shinjitsu. Uh! 146 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,904 I used to be a night manager at Dairy Queen. Brr. 147 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:47,475 - Anyone can do that. - Oh, really? Then why don't you do it, Barney? 148 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,643 Show us all the tricks if they're so easy. 149 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:53,146 Show us the onion volcano, the fried-rice beating heart, 150 00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:54,648 the shrimp in the pocket. 151 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:57,718 I bet Ted showed Victoria the shrimp in his pocket. 152 00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,887 - Hey, girl. - Shrimp? Really? 153 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,155 Okay. I'll do all those things. 154 00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,526 -You just name the time and the place. -Okay, right here, after we eat. 155 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:07,561 - And what do I get if I do? - What do you want? 156 00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,763 - I wanna touch Lily's boobs. - Deal. 157 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:12,132 - Hey, sweetie? - Yeah, I heard. 158 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:16,436 Okay, Barney. You wanna make this real? 159 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,371 Let's make this real. 160 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:22,342 Terms-- if you can do all that stuff that Marshall just listed off, 161 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,811 I will let you touch one boob. 162 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,579 - Both boobs. - Just one. 163 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:26,980 - Touch and squeeze. - Just touch. 164 00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,582 - Touch and motorboat. - Just touch. 165 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:29,683 - Honka-honka? - Barney. 166 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:30,784 - Just touch. - Just touch. 167 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,352 - For one hour. - For one second. 168 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:35,088 - Twenty minutes, both boobs. - Thirty seconds, one boob. 169 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,591 Four minutes, both boobs. Three squeezes. 170 00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,793 One minute, both boobs. One squeeze. 171 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,194 Deal. 172 00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:45,265 But if you can't do everything-- and I mean everything-- 173 00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:51,071 then you have to wear Marshall's ducky tie for one year. 174 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,641 [ Ted, Marshall ] Ooh. 175 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,677 Deal. 176 00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:01,014 [ Sizzling ] 177 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:04,552 - So you get to the bakery. - We get to the bakery. 178 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,887 Well, this is great. 179 00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:09,523 You know what else is getting clean along with this cupcake tray? 180 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,625 - My conscience. - [ Chuckles ] 181 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,595 You got anything else you need to atone for? My oven needs cleaning. 182 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:17,230 Uh, nope, nothing else. 183 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,833 Uh, not yet anyway. 184 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,670 * Bang, bang, bangity-bang * 185 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,371 * I said a-bang, bang, bangity-- ** 186 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,006 I'm getting married. 187 00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,578 Bang. 188 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,052 Baby, I think I got yours. This one has no booze. 189 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,353 Oh, no, that's mine. 190 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:43,156 Yeah, I don't know why people think that mai tais need booze. 191 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,859 I've been drinking virgins all night, and they're delicious. 192 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:48,328 Yeah, uh-- Well, enjoy your mai tai, 193 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:52,666 because as of tomorrow night you'll be wearing... my tie. 194 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,568 Our future child is so lucky. 195 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:57,270 Wait. You're not drunk? 196 00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,939 Huh. 197 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,308 I guess not. 198 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,977 [ Gasps ] It's a hustle. We're gettin' hustled. 199 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,781 Oh, this stinks. This stinks to holy hell. 200 00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:10,250 - He's gonna win the bet. - Baby, come on. 201 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:14,588 Even if he was as sober as a nun, there's no way that he can do what these guys do. 202 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:20,393 Exactly. I mean, to learn the trademark secrets of Shinjitsu hibachi cooking, 203 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,696 one would have to go all the way... 204 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,065 to Hoboken, New Jersey. 205 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:27,334 Yeah, they have a school there. 206 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,370 It's a six-month course. They teach you everything. 207 00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:31,939 How do you know that? 208 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,441 Maybe I looked it up on my phone just now. 209 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,844 Then again, maybe not. 210 00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:47,087 -So, Victoria's getting married. -She's getting married. 211 00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:50,257 I'm sorry. I should have told you that way earlier. 212 00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:53,460 - No. No, it's fine. - You thought something was gonna happen. 213 00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,362 Like one percent. 214 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,997 Maybe slap on a ring next time. 215 00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:59,099 Well, the problem is he hasn't asked me yet. 216 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,802 I found the ring in a box in his sock drawer. 217 00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:04,872 Wow! Guy's got a whole drawer just for socks. 218 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,674 [ Chuckling ] Must be nice. 219 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,410 So when's moneybags poppin' the question? 220 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,279 I'm pretty sure tomorrow. 221 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:15,348 He's taking me out to a really nice restaurant out in the Hamptons. 222 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:20,353 It's right on the water. So afterwards, we'll take a walk on the beach in the moonlight. 223 00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:23,957 You should probably go. 224 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,059 I don't know. It sounds pretty intimate. 225 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,094 [ Chuckles ] 226 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,363 I'm serious. I feel like I misled you. 227 00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:34,702 Madam, I came here to wash your dishes. 228 00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,636 Nothing more. 229 00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,806 - Whoa. What was that? - What was what? 230 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,508 This guy and Barney just shared a look. 231 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,844 Do you know him? 232 00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,215 [ Gasps ] They did it again. 233 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:52,052 This whole thing stinks, I tells ya. It stinks! 234 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:56,223 Lily, are you really suggesting that Barney spent six months... 235 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,826 commuting back and forth to Hoboken... 236 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:02,362 to learn a signature cooking style of a restaurant he doesn't even like... 237 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:05,733 so he could win a bet he hadn't even made yet? 238 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,367 Yeah, the whole thing stinks. 239 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:09,169 No. It's not possible. 240 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:11,638 Okay, I was the one who said, "Let's go to Shinjitsu." 241 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,273 - [ Sneezes ] - Bless you. 242 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,975 How could Barney have-- 243 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:24,084 You brilliant bastard. It's all so obvious now. 244 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,219 For the past-- oh, I don't know how long-- five years, 245 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,388 every time I've said, "Let's go to Shinjitsu"-- 246 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,257 - [ Sneezes ] - Bless you. 247 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,359 you've sneezed. 248 00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,827 Every time. 249 00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,428 And little by little-- 250 00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:37,130 Let's go to Shinjitsu. 251 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,999 - [ Sneezes ] - [ Together ] Bless you. 252 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:42,169 you forged the association in my brain. 253 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,671 - So what should we do for dinner? - Let's go to Shinjitsu. 254 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:45,672 [ Sneezes ] Oh, bless you. 255 00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:46,807 - Thanks. - Yeah. 256 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,308 Until eventually-- 257 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:51,111 Yes, I know I said that we'd be back Sunday. But guess what. 258 00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:54,147 We are back now! Now, what on earth would-- Stop bouncing! 259 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,750 What on earth would make you think that we'd be okay with this? 260 00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:59,552 - [ Sneezes ] - Let's go to Shinjitsu. 261 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:03,423 When you were sick for a week last year, I had Shinjitsu, like, six times. 262 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,393 You had the knife skills. 263 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,328 You had the trigger. 264 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,631 All you needed then was to want something from me. 265 00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:13,600 And then one day, 266 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:15,568 those somethings came a-bustin' out. 267 00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:17,838 Whoom! 268 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,739 I'm gonna have to walk this earth... 269 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,675 knowing Barney has touched my boobs. 270 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,078 Yeah. It stays with ya. 271 00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,580 His e-mail reminders don't help. Ugh. 272 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,549 Okay. Lily, this is ridiculous. 273 00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:32,185 - If you wanna call the bet off-- - Great. The bet's off. 274 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:35,255 Let me finish. Here's the deal. 275 00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:38,125 If you'll let me just see them-- no touching-- 276 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,360 - just looking for one minute-- - Thirty seconds. 277 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:43,296 - For 30 seconds, in a well-lit photography studio-- - In the alley. 278 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:46,066 In the alley, then we'll cancel this entire wager completely. 279 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,635 - Do we have a deal? - [ Exhales ] 280 00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:52,840 - [ Overlapping Chatter ] - [ Overlapping Voices ] 281 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,942 I'll think about it. 282 00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:01,148 - So, you're doing the dishes. - I'm doing the dishes. 283 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,916 All done. 284 00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,819 Congratulations. Your karmic slate is clean. 285 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,687 Hmm. And lemony fresh. 286 00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:09,589 Cheers. Cheers. 287 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:14,862 See? Now I can start anew and hopefully end up as happy as you and, uh-- 288 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:16,997 - Sorry. What's his name? - Whose name? 289 00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:19,732 - Your fiancé-to-be. - Oh, his name is Klaus. 290 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,835 - Klaus? - Klaus. 291 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,637 German name. Yeah, German guy. 292 00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:25,906 Hmm. 293 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,141 When you were living in Germany... 294 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,310 and we were doing the whole long-distance thing, 295 00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:32,245 wasn't there a Klaus in your class? 296 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,848 - There was a Klaus in my class. - And you and Klaus were close. 297 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,416 - Not that close. - Yes, yes. 298 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:39,152 - You and the Klaus from your class were quite close. - Kinda close. 299 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,254 - Was that your Klaus? - My Klaus? 300 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,555 - In your class. - In my class? 301 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,757 Is your Klaus the kinda-close Klaus from your class? 302 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,159 Yes. 303 00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,697 You didn't cheat on me with Klaus, did you? 304 00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:52,900 No. No, I did not. Mmm. 305 00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,467 Okay, new question. 306 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,904 After we broke up, how long were you single... 307 00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,738 before you and Klaus started dating? 308 00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:00,273 Um, how long? 309 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,375 Um-- Well, we broke up in April. 310 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,611 So... day and a half. 311 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:09,049 Oh, you have got to be kidding me! 312 00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,784 - I'm sorry. - So I've spent the last six years... 313 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:15,889 feeling like I completely betrayed you, when in truth, you-- 314 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:18,491 No. You know what? 315 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:23,363 [ Gasps ] Okay, fine. 316 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:26,066 Just let yourself off the hook on a technicality. 317 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,335 Forget the fact that you did cheat on me. 318 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:31,704 Forget it? I will never forget it, okay? 319 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:35,242 I will never stop regretting it, because what we had meant that much to me. 320 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,710 I just-- I wish it had meant something to you too. 321 00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:40,413 Are you kidding? I loved you. 322 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,515 - Did you? - Yes. 323 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:48,255 We had such an amazing time together. 324 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,790 Do you remember that night we found the crazy videotape of Barney? 325 00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,359 Game night. 326 00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:55,528 [ Chuckles ] We played that ridiculous game Marshall invented. 327 00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,564 - "Marsh-gammon." - Yeah, we've played it a few times since. 328 00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:00,367 - I still don't get it. - Remember the night we met? 329 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:03,270 I remember you not letting me kiss you. 330 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:06,806 - Remember why? - You had this ridiculous idea... 331 00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,708 that the moment leading up to the kiss-- 332 00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:11,979 - The drumroll. - is as good as the kiss itself. 333 00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,780 Isn't it? 334 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:15,515 Well, it's certainly more innocent. 335 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,618 - It's completely harmless. - Completely. 336 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:35,402 Oh, my God. Oh, no. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. 337 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,637 - I should not have done that. - No, that was me. 338 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,407 I let you come wash my dishes. 339 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:44,244 I said my oven needed cleaning. I invited you into a porno. 340 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,446 No, you were right. 341 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:49,249 This is fate. I needed to see you one more time... 342 00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,318 in order to know for sure about Klaus. 343 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,186 And? 344 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,554 And... 345 00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,993 I have a bus to catch. 346 00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:07,167 - Fine. You can see my boobs. - To the alley! 347 00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:10,537 [ Ted ] This seems unfair. 348 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,740 I get that I'm the only person not allowed to see this, but it just-- 349 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,975 It just-- It seems unfair. 350 00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:17,510 Come on, Lily. Hurry up. 351 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:22,049 Guys, I'm all for honoring a bet, but who invited Takumi? 352 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,052 Sorry, bro. I tried. 353 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,420 [ Speaking Japanese ] 354 00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:32,759 [ Ted ] What's going on? What am I missing? Are they out yet? 355 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:36,529 What do they look like? I don't want to know. Just tell me the kind of coin. 356 00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:39,532 Do you know how long 30 seconds is? 357 00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,535 It's gonna be five seconds of-- [ Gasping ] 358 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:46,173 Followed by 25 seconds of-- [ Stammering ] 359 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,441 I mean, yes, seeing Lily's boobs... 360 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,211 is all you've ever wanted, but come on. 361 00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:54,514 All he's ever wanted. 362 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,483 Lily, stop! 363 00:16:56,549 --> 00:17:00,720 Don't you see? This was his plan all along. 364 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:04,691 He let us think he knows how to do all this Shinjitsu stuff... 365 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:08,495 just so he could get you out here whipping out your milk-makers. 366 00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:11,164 You son of a bitch! 367 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,833 The bet is back on. 368 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,002 Nice try, Barney. 369 00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:17,970 Nice try. 370 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,607 [ Both Laughing ] 371 00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,684 [ Sizzling ] 372 00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,720 Maybe I was wrong. 373 00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:36,089 That's everything you asked me to do, is it not? 374 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,825 Oh, wait! The shrimp in the pocket. 375 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,393 A modern classic. 376 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:44,264 And now, for one minute on second base, 377 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:47,167 with a firm yet sensual squeeze. 378 00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:48,868 Nothing can stop him now. 379 00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:51,671 One thing can. Make that two things. 380 00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,528 No! 381 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:18,064 Yeah! 382 00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,932 So you take her to the bus. 383 00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:21,668 I take her to the bus. 384 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,437 Well, this feels familiar. 385 00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:27,607 You leaving, me kind of wanting to say, "Don't go." 386 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:31,077 - It's a little late for that. - Little bit. 387 00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,979 - Don't go. - Ted. 388 00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,714 I'm sorry. I just-- 389 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,217 [ Sighs ] Why didn't I say it then? 390 00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,186 Why did I let you get on that plane? 391 00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:41,354 Why didn't I get on it with you? 392 00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,491 What would our lives be right now... 393 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:47,194 if we'd just... held on? 394 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,663 Would I have still run into you at this party tonight, 395 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,300 or would we have been there together? 396 00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:55,568 We'd go home... 397 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,170 to our home. 398 00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:01,608 You cook. I do the dishes. 399 00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,744 I'm happy that you're happy. 400 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,546 But-- [ Sighs ] damn it. 401 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,449 What if? 402 00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:12,685 Do you really want to know the answer to that? 403 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,354 No. 404 00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:16,589 [ Chuckles ] I think it would kill me. 405 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,192 Good-bye, Ted. 406 00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:31,271 And that was it. 407 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:35,508 Now she's probably engaged. 408 00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:39,746 Maybe it's for the best. 409 00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:43,983 All right. 410 00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:45,985 Well, 411 00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,520 we're gonna duck out. 412 00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:51,591 Sorry to leave you with the bill. 413 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:53,926 Oh, guys, 414 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,795 it's gonna be a good year. 415 00:19:57,364 --> 00:20:00,500 I'm glad you guys can laugh, 'cause I think I'm gonna be physically ill. 416 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,201 Coming down with a "mallardy"? 417 00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:04,271 Oh, they look hungry. Here you go. 418 00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:06,105 Here you go. 419 00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,741 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, there was one part I left out. 420 00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,543 Good-bye, Ted. 421 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:15,782 Okay, yes. What's the answer? 422 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:23,323 There is a reason that it didn't work out between you and me, 423 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,358 but it's not Germany. 424 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:28,328 And I'm willing to bet it's the same reason none of your other relationships... 425 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,797 in the last six years have lasted either. 426 00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:33,199 It's Robin. 427 00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:35,502 - No. - Yes. 428 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:38,305 She is so much bigger in your world than you realize. 429 00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:42,108 And this thing that you're all doing-- you and Barney and Robin-- 430 00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:45,177 where the three of you hang out at the bar night in, night out, 431 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,514 like you're all just buddies? 432 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,682 That doesn't work. Trust me. 433 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,851 No. You-You've got it all wrong. 434 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,420 I'm right about this. 435 00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:57,357 Good-bye, Ted. 436 00:20:57,424 --> 00:21:01,060 [ Woman ] * Like a bitter stranger * 437 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,763 [ Ted Narrating ] And sure enough, she was right. 438 00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:05,498 It didn't work. 439 00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:07,099 We just didn't realize it yet. 440 00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:08,801 If you know what I mean.