1 00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:04,105 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, if there's one big theme to this story-- 2 00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,240 and I swear, we're totally, almost, 3 00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:09,310 not really all that close to the end-- it's timing. 4 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,345 Timing is everything. For example, 5 00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,547 I never would've met your mother if it weren't for a wedding-- 6 00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:16,417 the last wedding I ever thought I'd be at. 7 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,188 - What do you think of this tie? - Oh, thank God. 8 00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:22,090 Barney Stinson needs you right before his wedding, 9 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:25,759 you assume there's at least one dead hooker in the closet, right? [ Chuckles ] 10 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:28,062 [ Chuckling ] 11 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:33,501 - Is this one better? - Look. The tie is great. 12 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,670 And, you know, it's perfectly normal to have some pre-wedding jitters. 13 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,806 I'm not having jitters. 14 00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:42,676 It just occurs to me that once I put this tie on, I can never take it off. 15 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,313 I have to wear this tie for ever and ever. 16 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,415 And sure, this tie's skinny now, 17 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,850 but what happens if it gets fat and starts bossing me around? 18 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:53,621 Did I make a mistake? Would I have been happier with the other tie? 19 00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,826 Ted, can I tell you a big secret? 20 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,594 Yeah, of course. 21 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,633 I'm not really talking about the tie. No, I got that, buddy. Yeah. 22 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:09,203 What if this whole thing's a disaster? 23 00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:11,839 What if this is the worst wedding ever? 24 00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:14,875 Not possible. We've already been to the worst wedding ever. 25 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,844 Punchy's wedding. 26 00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:19,813 Marshall really took a two-flusher on that one. 27 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:23,384 [ Ted Narrating ] The story of how Uncle Marshall ruined my friend Punchy's wedding... 28 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,719 starts in September 2011. 29 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,921 Punchy had asked me to be his best man. 30 00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:30,391 Hey. Hey. Guys, uh, before we go, 31 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,792 would you mind reading my wedding toast? 32 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:34,128 No problem. Um, all right. If we have to. 33 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:36,197 All right. Whoa! 34 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,300 There's a few different versions. 35 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:42,002 Ted, why are you working so hard on this toast? 36 00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:45,673 Punchy belched his proposal through a karaoke mike at a bowling alley. 37 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,442 Okay, look. I've never told you guys this, but, 38 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:51,111 over the years, a few of my old high school buddies... 39 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,381 have asked me to give wedding toasts, 40 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:57,851 and they haven't gone... great. 41 00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,421 Somehow, those weddings all fell smack-dab... 42 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,523 in the worst moments of my life. 43 00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:05,326 Joel and Mora's love is a beautiful thing. 44 00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:09,297 I thought I had that-- 45 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,600 till my fiancée left me at the altar last week. 46 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:15,403 I was asked not to talk about this, so I won't. 47 00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,775 I sit outside her house at night sometimes. 48 00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:25,513 She got a haircut. 49 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,048 After I lost my job last week, um, 50 00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,883 I was asked not to give this toast. 51 00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:33,120 No, no, no. The happy couple needs to hear this. 52 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,889 Things end. 53 00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:39,427 But from the ashes of your statistically probable divorce, 54 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,129 hope can rise anew. 55 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:46,200 [ Sniffles ] That is why I am starting my own architecture firm, 56 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,202 Mosbius Designs. 57 00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:51,239 Mosbius Designs has failed. 58 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:55,243 But Alex and Jessica's love reminds us that-- 59 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:58,045 that-- 60 00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:00,381 [ Sobbing ] Oh, God! 61 00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,452 Classic Schmosby! 62 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:08,121 Whoa. Punchy posted the low points of your life online? 63 00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:10,057 Oh, not just that. 64 00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,693 ** [ Pop ] [ Auto-Tuned ] * Mosbius Designs has failed 65 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:16,063 * But Alex and Jessica's love reminds us that-- * 66 00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:18,299 * That-that-that-that-- That-that-that-that * 67 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:21,068 [ Sobbing ] * Oh, God * 68 00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:25,739 So now I seem like a total train wreck to all my old high school friends. 69 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,376 And a bunch of people in Finland. 70 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,678 The Auto-Tune thing got kind of big over there. 71 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:33,847 That's why I have to nail this toast. 72 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:37,117 Ted, you want to nail something at this wedding? 73 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,953 Lose the Trapper Keeper. 74 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:43,223 The only thing you need to bring to Cleveland is this. 75 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:46,327 [ Ted Narrating ] That fall, I became the youngest architect in the history of New York... 76 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,596 to break ground on a skyscraper, 77 00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,564 which led to a glowing magazine feature. 78 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,466 I planned on having it framed. 79 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,268 Uncle Barney had different plans. 80 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:55,803 Here's your toast-- 81 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,171 "Single file, ladies. No fatties." 82 00:03:58,205 --> 00:03:59,707 That's ridiculous. 83 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,375 Yeah, you're right. It's Cleveland. 84 00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,744 "Single file, ladies." 85 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,947 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 86 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,651 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 87 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,291 ** [ Ends ] 88 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:21,261 I'm not going to Punchy's wedding to brag about a magazine. 89 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,564 Cover. 90 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,099 Barney, he doesn't need dating advice from you. 91 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,336 You never even called Nora. 92 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,738 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, you remember Nora. 93 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,206 But just the other day-- I'll call you. 94 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,476 It's never too late, Barney. 95 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,345 Or did you call her? [ Chuckles ] 96 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,981 Not that I care. Did you? I don't care. Did you? 97 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,650 I haven't called her. 98 00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,552 Oh, buddy. Damn it, Barney. I was really, 99 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,587 really, really rooting for you two. 100 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,456 - Who wants hot wings? - I'm in. 101 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,691 Or maybe we should just pour hot sauce on Barney... 102 00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,326 since he's a total chicken. 103 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,227 I did not chicken out. 104 00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:55,996 Nora is looking for something serious. 105 00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,531 I'm not. End of story. 106 00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,700 And yes, Robin, I would love some wings. 107 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:02,202 - Cannibal. - Okay. Next round's on me. 108 00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:03,804 Oh, no. No, we got it. 109 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,907 Now, Lily and Marshall had just found out they were having a baby. 110 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,743 I can't wait to tell everyone. Baby, no. 111 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:12,079 We can't tell anyone. Not-Not until three months. 112 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,614 I don't want to jinx it. 113 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,783 That's a bit superstitious, don't you think? 114 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,652 Whenever we board a flight, you lick the plane. 115 00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,921 Have we crashed even once? 116 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:23,657 Don't say a word until we know everything's okay. Deal? 117 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:27,027 Deal. But... everything's just gonna be great. 118 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,562 I promise. 119 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,498 How can you guarantee that? 120 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,768 Hmm. 121 00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,173 I'm just so happy. 122 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,876 I don't know how we're gonna keep this secret for three months. 123 00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,578 Relax. It'll be easy. 124 00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:46,279 What'll you have? 125 00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:48,348 Four beers, plus one nonalcoholic. 126 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,651 You're pregnant! Get in here! 127 00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,954 And so we all headed to my hometown... 128 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,457 where we planned to celebrate Punchy's big day. 129 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,125 Uncle Barney had different plans. 130 00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,560 Get ready, Cleveland. 131 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,829 The last man to screw you this hard, then disappear... 132 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,431 was LeBron James. 133 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,634 Okay, you're trying to get laid here? 134 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:07,635 What? 135 00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,637 God, Barney. Tonight is a magical night... 136 00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:12,105 between Ted's annoying friend and what's-her-face. 137 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,774 Have some respect. 138 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,409 This isn't just getting laid. 139 00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:16,944 This is market research. 140 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:21,314 You see, my legendary success rate of 83%-- 141 00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:23,350 Seventeen. It's always the inverse. 142 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,385 doesn't happen by accident. 143 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,220 Every single play I run on women... 144 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,856 has been meticulously field-tested. 145 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:33,293 By weeding out the bad plays in smaller markets like Cleveland, 146 00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,828 I know which ones will work in New York. 147 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:38,699 For example, tonight marks the inaugural flight... 148 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,734 of "the escaped manslaughterer." 149 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,171 Are escaped manslaughterers sexy? 150 00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:45,606 - No. - Not even remotely. 151 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:49,009 Exactly! We'll never know unless I try it out tonight! 152 00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:52,580 Schmosby! Turd-faces! [ Shouts ] 153 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:55,182 Yeah, you really feel that ring now. 154 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,650 So glad you all made it. 155 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:59,252 Open bar! Drink up, turd-faces. 156 00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:03,491 'Cause Kelly's dad's paying for all this, and he hates my guts. 157 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,659 - [ Kelly ] It's true. - Who's doin' shots? 158 00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:08,228 - Come on. Let's go! - Oh, no, thank you. 159 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,798 - What, are you pregnant or somethin'? - Let's get hammered! 160 00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,399 Hey, hey! 161 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,802 You're drinkin' for two tonight, baby. 162 00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:17,538 I will do this for the child. 163 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,473 Go Browns! [ All ] Go Browns! 164 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,408 Yay. [ Chuckles Nervously ] 165 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,377 In AFC regular season play, but if they meet in the Super Bowl, go Vikings. 166 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:26,079 Yowza! 167 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,048 [ Woman Screaming ] 168 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:31,251 Escaped manslaughterers-- not sexy. 169 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:34,354 Although, in hindsight, that was kind of a flawed concept. 170 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,524 Next up-- "Patient Zero." 171 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:39,159 [ Coughing ] 172 00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,796 Lily, we are getting sloshed tonight. 173 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:43,764 Okay. 174 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,032 That's all you, baby. 175 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,100 But that'll be four shots in with no food. 176 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:51,038 In nine months, I'll be pushing a pumpkin-headed Eriksen baby out of my hoo-ha. 177 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,607 I think Papa can manage a few extra cocktails. 178 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,876 Well played. 179 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,682 Hakuna matata! 180 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,752 I, uh-- I gotta get some air. 181 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:10,824 Kids, remember how I told you Marshall ruined Punchy's wedding? 182 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,561 That wasn't it. 183 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,563 God, will you look at that guy? 184 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,899 [ High-pitched Voice ] I wish Barney were my boyfriend again. 185 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:22,502 No, thanks. Wait a minute. That's your truth voice. 186 00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:25,906 My what? Whenever you're trying to pass something off as a joke... 187 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:29,376 but it's actually profoundly true, you use that voice. 188 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:32,112 [ High-pitched Voice ] I wish the Spice Girls would get back together. 189 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,247 They were awesome. 190 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,116 [ Normal Voice ] The worst. 191 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,053 - [ Sniffing ] - [ Marshall Groans ] 192 00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:43,724 [ High-pitched Voice ] That was me. I totally cut one. 193 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,126 [ Snorts ] It was that guy. 194 00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:50,197 Birthday present from my dad. 195 00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:53,233 [ High-pitched Voice ] All I really want is for him to tell me that he loves me. 196 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:56,403 [ Snickers ] Just kidding. This pen's enough. 197 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,706 [ High-pitched Voice ] It's not enough. [ Chuckles ] 198 00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,741 [ Normal Voice ] It's totally enough. 199 00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:04,411 Oh, my God. 200 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,747 You still have feelings for Barney. 201 00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:14,788 Admit it. You still have feelings for Barney. 202 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:17,758 You are drunker than I thought. 203 00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,793 [ Scoffs ] I mean, look at the guy. 204 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,895 Wait, wait, wait. Before you go, 205 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:26,566 please answer the following survey to help me better bang you in the future. 206 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,636 What didn't work for you about this play? 207 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:33,106 Did you "A," not believe I was a Guinness Book World Record holder, 208 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,876 or "B," did the fingernails gross you out? 209 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,746 The-- 210 00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:41,014 Can't wait for your toast, Schmosby! 211 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,983 Yeah. Here come the waterworks! [ Mock Sobbing ] 212 00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:46,053 Wait. You're rooting for me to melt down at your own wedding? 213 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,422 Yeah. Everyone is. Plus a few new friends from Finland. 214 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,925 [ Woman Gasps ] [ Shutter Clicking ] 215 00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:56,029 Hey, good luck, Schmos. Good luck! Good luck! 216 00:09:56,063 --> 00:10:00,433 Take it. Show them how awesome you are. 217 00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,703 Shamelessly plug yourself... 218 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:06,239 so you can shamelessly plug, let's say, that. 219 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:09,009 I told you. I'm not here to brag, okay? 220 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:12,445 That's it. You're too polite to brag? 221 00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:15,783 Well, fine. Let me. 222 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:18,351 Because the only person on earth... 223 00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:21,588 who loves Ted Mosby more than Marshall Eriksen... 224 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,556 is drunk Marshall Eriksen. 225 00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,125 So game on. 226 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:35,202 Kids, remember how I told you Marshall ruined Punchy and Kelly's wedding? 227 00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:39,039 That wasn't it either. 228 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:42,342 Barney and I tried and failed. 229 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:46,013 That was two years ago. Why would I ever go down that road again? 230 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,682 It wouldn't even make sense. It doesn't have to make sense. 231 00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,350 It's chemistry. 232 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,586 Look. I've always had a sixth sense about these things, 233 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:58,458 and now that I'm pregnant... with this idea in-in my mind-uterus, 234 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,928 I see things even clearer. 235 00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:05,098 You and Barney have the kind of chemistry that just doesn't go away. 236 00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:06,233 Really? 237 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:09,236 Then why is he trying to LeBron anything that moves? 238 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:13,540 Did this not work for you because "A," vampires are played out, 239 00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:18,345 or "B," claiming that I also invented Facebook was kind of a hat on a hat? 240 00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,316 You're the reason he never called Nora. 241 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,853 You're the reason he's only test-marketing tonight. 242 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:30,758 And you're the reason he keeps striking out on purpose. Chemistry. 243 00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:34,294 Whoa! Ted. 244 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:39,166 Is that really you on the cover of New Yor magazine? 245 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,668 [ Whispers ] Now you say "yes." Please stop. 246 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,837 Schmosby. What's this about a magazine? 247 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,839 You know what, Clay? It's, uh, no big deal. 248 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:49,042 Ah-ah. You know what? It is a big deal, Clay. 249 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:52,545 My friend Ted is designing a skyscraper, Clay. 250 00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:54,281 What have you been up to, Clay? 251 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,750 Well, I'm still working at the rental car company. 252 00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:58,752 Bravo. Bravo, Clay. 253 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:03,323 Any major publications wanna write an article about your sweet rental car gig? 254 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:06,860 No. No articles. My life's pretty dull. 255 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:09,696 I guess the only news is... this little gal. 256 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,499 Oh, my God! Look at the "wittle" baby! 257 00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,201 She is so cute. 258 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:19,706 All I wanna do is put her little feet in my mouth. 259 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,875 You've created something truly beautiful. 260 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:24,044 She is my everything. 261 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,478 Oh. 262 00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:28,949 I mean it's kind of a big deal, the building. 263 00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,583 Hey, little one. 264 00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:33,253 So this little angel's already sleeping through the night? 265 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,122 I've had some sleepless nights... 266 00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,925 designing this building. 267 00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:40,593 [ All ] Aw! 268 00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:43,030 Nothing symbolic about that. 269 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,498 Let it go. 270 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:49,302 There is no chemistry left between me and Barney. We're done. 271 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:53,473 - Oh, really? Prove it. Go tell him. - Why would I go tell him that? 272 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:57,077 Because, deep down, even if he isn't aware of it himself, 273 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,179 Barney wants to be with you. 274 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:02,215 And if it's not gonna happen, he deserves to know. 275 00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:03,416 Fine. 276 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,118 ** [ Dance, Up-tempo ] 277 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,753 [ Man ] * Dig 278 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,656 Barney, just so everything is crystal clear-- 279 00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:11,291 I know what you're gonna say. 280 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:15,395 - Let's show Cleveland how it's done. - ** [ Continues ] 281 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,630 [ Woman ] * The chills that you spill up my back * 282 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,800 * Keep me filled with satisfaction when we're done * 283 00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:23,170 * Satisfaction of what's to come * 284 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:26,006 * I couldn't ask for another 285 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,075 [ Man ] * Uh-huh, uh-huh 286 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,978 * I-I-I-I 287 00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:34,014 * No, I couldn't ask for another * 288 00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:42,222 * Groove is in the heart 289 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:46,493 * Groove is in the heart 290 00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:50,931 * Groove is in the heart * Astronomical 291 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:54,534 * Groove is in the heart 292 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,609 [ Mouthing Lyrics ] * One, two, three-- hoo 293 00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,850 [ Man ] * Groove is in your heart * 294 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:14,021 [ Woman ] * Groove is in the heart 295 00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:18,625 [ Man Chuckles ] * Groove is in the heart 296 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:22,129 * Groove is in the heart 297 00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:26,299 * Groove is in the heart * 298 00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,208 ** [ Ends ] 299 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:40,713 [ Breathless ] Barney, I-- 300 00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:42,449 [ Cell Phone Rings ] 301 00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:43,917 Sorry. 302 00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:46,053 [ Rings ] 303 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,455 Oh, my God. It's Nora. 304 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,657 [ Ringing ] 305 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,295 [ Ringing ] Nora's finally calling me back. 306 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,330 Wait. You said you never called her. 307 00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,532 I lied. I called her, like, five times. [ Ringing ] 308 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,868 Uh-- Wait, wait. 309 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:05,472 You of all people know how much I suck at these things. You gotta help me. Please? 310 00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,942 Just once I would like to see what it feels like to not screw things up. 311 00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:11,178 Yeah. Mm-hmm. 312 00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:15,515 Hey, Nora. Thanks for calling me back. 313 00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:17,217 Um, hi. 314 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:21,021 Uh, the-the, um-- The reason that, um, I called is, uh-- 315 00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,855 To tell you how I feel about you. 316 00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,357 To tell you how I feel about you. 317 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,193 I know we didn't work out the first time. 318 00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,095 I know we didn't work out the first time. 319 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,829 And I know it doesn't make any sense. And... 320 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,531 I know it doesn't make any sense. 321 00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,067 But I can't shake the feeling that we belong together. But I can't shake... 322 00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,269 this feeling that we belong together. 323 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:39,506 Is there any part of you that wants to try again? Is there any part of you... 324 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,075 that wants to try again? 325 00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:47,714 [ Mouths Words ] 326 00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,084 Baby. I can't take it anymore. 327 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,086 I gotta tell somebody that we're pregnant. 328 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,855 Eriksen, stay strong. We're keeping this secret. 329 00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:58,791 There's babies everywhere. It's like a minefield of cuteness. 330 00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,427 Look at this little bastard. 331 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,795 Marshall, stop it. Stay strong. 332 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:07,400 You can't let holding some-- some little baby-- oh-- 333 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,237 with cute little cheeks and... 334 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:13,106 little arms and little leg-- 335 00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:15,242 This son of a bitch has knee dimples. 336 00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,710 Let's go tell everyone I'm pregnant. 337 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,279 Yeah! 338 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,351 ** [ Background: Rock, Muffled ] 339 00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,601 You okay? Nope. You? 340 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,071 Not excessively. 341 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,306 You wanna talk about it? Not even a little. 342 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,575 Might make you feel better. 343 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:53,146 Okay, fine. I'll make you a deal. 344 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:57,384 You go first, and then I'll stick with my thing about not talking about it. 345 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,820 Okay. 346 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,790 All my friends from high school-- they're here with their wives, their kids. 347 00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:07,560 Me? My date for the night is a sticky magazine. 348 00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,662 Sounds like high school all over again. 349 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,531 Sorry. It was right there. 350 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,603 I used to believe in destiny, you know. 351 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,572 I'd go to the bagel place, 352 00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,709 see a pretty girl in line reading my favorite novel, 353 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,146 whistling the song that's been stuck in my head all week, and I'd think, 354 00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:30,016 "Wow! Hey, maybe she's the one." 355 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:34,554 Now I think, "I just know that bitch is gonna take the last whole wheat-everything bagel." 356 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:36,889 You've just been focused on work. 357 00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:38,891 No. 358 00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:41,361 It's more than that. 359 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,097 I've stopped believing. 360 00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:48,568 Not in some depressed, "I'm gonna cry during my toast" way. 361 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:51,638 Not in a way I even noticed until tonight. 362 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:57,043 It's just every day I think I... believe a little less... 363 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,612 and a little less and a little less. 364 00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:02,282 And that... sucks. 365 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,620 What do I do about that, Scherbatsky? 366 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,922 You're Ted Mosby. 367 00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,924 You start believing again. 368 00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:14,127 In what? Destiny? 369 00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,797 Chemistry. 370 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,200 If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing. 371 00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,702 What's that? Timing. 372 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,538 But timing's a bitch. 373 00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:31,378 Hey, we still have our, uh, 40 deal, right? 374 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:34,214 If we're both still single at 40? I'm all yours. 375 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,748 Mm-hmm. [ Chuckles ] 376 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,117 Unrelated, do architects make big money? 377 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,821 Aggressively medium money. Damn it. 378 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,325 Schmosby, you're up in two minutes. 379 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:50,597 Promise me two things. One, you start believing again. 380 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:54,534 And two, don't cry during the toast, Schmosby. 381 00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,205 I promise. Good. 382 00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,776 We're having a baby. 383 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,478 What? For real? 384 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,579 For real. 385 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:08,080 Oh! Oh! 386 00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:10,683 - [ Laughing ] - [ Man On P.A. ] Attention, everyone. 387 00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:13,052 It's time for the reason we're all here tonight-- 388 00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,154 Schmosby's toast! 389 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:19,259 We're here tonight to celebrate love. 390 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,728 [ Snickering ] 391 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,763 Love brings us new life. 392 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,232 [ Snickering ] 393 00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,500 Hey. 394 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,539 This isn't a meltdown. 395 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,575 These are tears of joy. 396 00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:40,179 Ted is happy for his friends... 397 00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:43,115 'cause he's the best guy that I know. 398 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:47,153 And you know why he's happy? Because this beautiful lady right here is pregnant. 399 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:51,023 How did you know that? That was supposed to be a secret! 400 00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,792 [ Ted Narrating ] Turns out-- 401 00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:55,628 - Go Browns! - [ All ] Go Browns! 402 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:59,899 [ Marshall ] In AFC regular season play, but if they meet in the Super Bowl, go Vikings. 403 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,736 How dare you! That's my daughter, you piece of garbage. 404 00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:06,005 You're still gonna pay for all this, right? 405 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,841 Piece of garbage? That's my son. 406 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,144 [ Ted Narrating ] And that is how Marshall destroyed Punchy's wedding. 407 00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:15,882 [ Arguing ] But we didn't care. 408 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,951 There was gonna be a sixth member of our little family. 409 00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:20,887 [ Objects Clattering ] 410 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:25,692 No wedding will ever, ever be as bad as that one, right? 411 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,695 I picked the right tie, didn't I? 412 00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,766 You nailed it. And, hey, just be glad it's not the ducky tie. 413 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,269 [ Chuckles ] [ Ted Narrating ] Ooh, the ducky tie. 414 00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:38,505 That's a good story, kids. I'll get to that. 415 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,840 Man, we are not even close to the end. 416 00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:47,046 You're a good best man, Ted. 417 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,016 You're gonna cry during the toast, aren't you? Oh, I'm totally gonna cry. 418 00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:51,651 [ Knocking ] Come in. 419 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:55,254 Ted, the bride wants to see you. 420 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,358 Okay. 421 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,629 Really? You're gonna go with that tie? 422 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,798 [ Stammering ]