1 00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:04,605 Barney, I'm afraid this is good-bye. 2 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:09,043 Your buzz-kill of a ma thinks I'm a "bad influence" on you. 3 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:10,711 What? That's-- 4 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:14,515 What is that word you taught me? "Bull" something? [ Chuckles ] 5 00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:16,784 But she's your mother, and I'm-- 6 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,553 Well, I'm just your Uncle Jerry, 7 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,755 so this is the last time I can see you. 8 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:25,559 But you were supposed to take me to see that Zeppelin cover band next week. 9 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:30,764 The night is gonna be... "Led-engery." 10 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,400 Sorry, buddy, but this is it. 11 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,368 But don't you forget your training. 12 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,504 What's a magician's best friend? 13 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,972 A drunk audience. [ Laughs ] Attaboy. 14 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:42,410 You still got that button from the festival we went to? 15 00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:48,782 Now-- [ Blows ] 16 00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:52,220 I'm gonna put this right inside your brain behind your ear... 17 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:56,157 so that I'll know that you won't forget me. 18 00:00:57,958 --> 00:00:59,493 See ya, buddy. 19 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,663 And hey. 20 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:06,367 Never... stop... partying. 21 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,172 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, in 1983, 22 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:13,807 Barney watched his father walk out of his life. 23 00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:17,711 And in 2011, when their first reunion ended badly-- 24 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,348 I'd love nothing more than to be a part of your life. 25 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,850 this time it was Barney who did the walking. 26 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,152 Bye. 27 00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:25,886 And that was almost the end of it, 28 00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:27,921 except a few weeks later-- 29 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:31,392 I am so angry at my dad! 30 00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:33,527 Guess who called me today. 31 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,796 Go on, guess. 32 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:38,065 - Your dad? - My dad! 33 00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:40,234 [ Rings ] Barney Stinson. 34 00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:41,969 Hi, Barney. It's your dad. 35 00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:45,173 Look, would you like to go fishing with me and J.J. on Sunday morning? 36 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,875 Ooh, hold on. Let me check my personality. 37 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,544 Oh, no. Turns out I would never do that in a million years. 38 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:53,147 Barney, look, I know you're disappointed... 39 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:57,785 that your dad is just a boring old driving instructor from the suburbs, 40 00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:01,255 but that guy I used to be-- "Crazy Jerry"-- 41 00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:02,990 he was bad news. 42 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,826 Drinking, partying, sleeping around. 43 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:08,962 The party can't go on forever. 44 00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:12,700 You're 35. I'm sure you're starting to realize that, right? 45 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:16,537 You do not know how right you are. 46 00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:17,738 Zero right! 47 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,940 We're not getting too old for anything. 48 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:22,776 You sure? I feel like we collectively learn the opposite lesson, 49 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,445 like, at least once a year. 50 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:27,948 - [ Both Laugh ] - I have to face an ugly truth. 51 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:31,219 Jerry Whitaker, my own father, 52 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,221 is anti-awesometic. 53 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:37,124 I know Crazy Jerry's still in there somewhere, 54 00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:42,162 but he's trapped under 20 years of lawn mower parties and carpool barbecues. 55 00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:44,665 Wow, you know nothing about the suburbs. 56 00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:48,736 Well, this Saturday night, I am busting him out. 57 00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:52,440 I'm gonna make Jerry realize he was wrong about giving up his old life... 58 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:57,311 by showing him the awesomest night of all time. 59 00:02:57,378 --> 00:03:00,047 And for the awesomest night of all time, 60 00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:03,784 I'm going to need the awesomest friends of all time. 61 00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,422 Okay, who do I know? 62 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,660 Guys. 63 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,364 Do any of you know George Clooney? 64 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,400 Okay, my dad's almost here. 65 00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:22,370 I need everything to be as awesome as possible tonight. 66 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,971 That's why you brought these guys! 67 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,573 No. 68 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,841 That's why I brought these guys. 69 00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:31,078 I've made some minor improvements to your identities. 70 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,880 Uh, you'll find them on these cards. 71 00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,181 Improvements? Yeah. 72 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,016 Bro, we are already... 73 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:40,988 the four jiggidy-jammiest dudes and dudettes this side of-- 74 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,390 Okay, let's see the cards. 75 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:46,226 Robin, no one watches the news unless it's a car chase or a nip slip. 76 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,596 You are now a professional scotch taster. 77 00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:49,597 Mmm! 78 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:50,964 Lily, Jerry needs to learn... 79 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,301 that other lifestyles are just as fulfilling as monogamy, 80 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,669 so now you and Marshall are in an open marriage. 81 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,805 Ooh! Gross! 82 00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,073 Also, Marshall, you can't just be unemployed, 83 00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:03,811 so you are now a gin-swilling, womanizing playwright. 84 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,980 And, Ted, just be yourself. 85 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,484 [ Laughing ] Just kidding. 86 00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:13,153 Here's a giant pile of topics you should avoid talking about. 87 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,823 Wow. Well, this could actually be fun. 88 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,692 In fact, I believe it was Oscar Wilde who said, 89 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,094 "Man is least himself when he talks"-- 90 00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:22,896 - Ted, card. - Uh, you're right. 91 00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:24,732 "No quoting Oscar Wilde." 92 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,968 Finally, Robin, you're dating Ted. 93 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,670 Oh, man! 94 00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:31,605 Why? 95 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:34,575 I can't have any single female friends lying around. 96 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,477 My dad'll be all, "Why don't you marry Robin? 97 00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:38,145 You guys were cute together. 98 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,681 Deep down you know you were never happier than when you were with her." 99 00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:42,983 Uh, no, thanks. 100 00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:46,153 Hey, Barney, love the new identities. Little thing-- 101 00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,422 Instead of being a naked super ninja, 102 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:51,559 can I be Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada? 103 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,961 How good was that movie? 104 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,429 So good! Adrian Grenier! 105 00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,064 [ Chattering, Laughing ] 106 00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,834 And... hence new identities. 107 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,637 [ Ted Narrating ] And so, Barney's dad finally showed up. 108 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:06,440 Jerry, you remember Marshall. He's a well-known writer. 109 00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,609 Playwright. We're all writers. 110 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,512 Just some of us don't know what our story is yet. 111 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,781 Lily, his wife. 112 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,182 Well, most nights. 113 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,985 Mama don't let no ring get in the way of a good time. 114 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,853 That's a little depressing. 115 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,622 Uh, hi again. Ted. 116 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,624 Oh, and, Jerry, uh, you remember my girlfriend. 117 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:26,360 Robin. Hi. So nice to see you again. 118 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:29,463 Wait, wait. Jerry, I gotta tell you the truth. 119 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,565 Guys, I'm gonna tell him. 120 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:34,935 We're also a band. [ Robin ] Two, three, four! 121 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,471 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 122 00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:40,808 ** [ Vocalizing ] 123 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,283 Ow! Yeah! 124 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,052 So, Saturday night! 125 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,587 Time to cut loose, right? 126 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,556 Who wants to split a beer? 127 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,858 Oh, we're not drinking here. 128 00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,660 Tonight we're going big. Let's see. 129 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:01,695 What club should we hit first? 130 00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:04,031 There's Club Was. There's Wrong. 131 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,400 Um, those places shut down a long time ago. 132 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,235 - Oh, no. - Oh No shut down too. 133 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,670 - There's Where. - Where's Where? 134 00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,104 Where's where Was was, isn't it? 135 00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,441 No, Was wasn't where Where was. Was was where Wrong was. 136 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,608 - Right? - Okay. 137 00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,644 Not Okay. That place is lame. 138 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,613 Okay is Lame? I thought Lame was a gay bar. Or is that Wrong? 139 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,482 That's wrong. That's Not Wrong. 140 00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,784 - Guys, focus. - I like Focus. Let's go there. 141 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,519 - Where? - Not Where, Focus. 142 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,087 I thought Focus was closed. 143 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,622 No, Was was closed. 144 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,658 Once Was shut down, it reopened as Closed. 145 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,593 - So Closed is open. - No, Closed is closed. 146 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,795 I don't know! Third base! Right? 147 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:37,097 Ew, Third Base is all frat guys. 148 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:40,434 - I'll go anyplace, okay? - Not Okay. Okay is lame. 149 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:42,936 Okay is not Lame. Lame is a gay bar. 150 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,138 - Guys, shut up. - No, Shut Up shut down. 151 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:48,275 I can't believe I don't know the clubs anymore. 152 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,310 Guys, just pick a club. Okay? 153 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:53,146 - Not Okay! - [ Together ] Okay is lame! 154 00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:55,248 Gay bar! 155 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:58,385 For the record, um, I was in there once by accident. 156 00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:01,455 I'm pretty sure it's pronounced "La-may." 157 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,558 It's Hopeless, isn't it? 158 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,794 ** [ Dance ] [ Marshall ] Wow. 159 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,262 A lot of these girls are young enough to be our daughters. 160 00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:11,765 I know. Daddy's home. 161 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,968 And Granddaddy's home! 162 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,670 Tonight rocks so hard! 163 00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:19,006 I might be allergic to this stamp. 164 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,577 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 165 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,479 Oh, my God. My secret crush is here. 166 00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,180 Mila Kunis? 167 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,517 No, my secret crush. 168 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,019 We met a few years ago. 169 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,924 Hi. I could use a woman's opinion. 170 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,727 [ Sighs ] Is this workin' for me? 171 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,295 Uh, no. [ Chuckles ] 172 00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:44,598 The only good thing about how ugly that shirt is... 173 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:47,968 is that it distracts from how terribly it fits you. 174 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,771 I was trying on the pants. 175 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:53,473 Oh. 176 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:56,476 I had to leave before we could finish talking, so that was it. 177 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,311 You know, ever since then, I've always-- 178 00:07:58,378 --> 00:07:59,513 Oh, my God. He's coming over. 179 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,148 Oh, hello. 180 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,750 Hi. Hi. 181 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,452 A few years ago at a department store, did you embarrass the hell out of me? 182 00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:07,120 Oh, I'm sorry. 183 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:10,691 You must have me confused with the shirt you were wearing that day. 184 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,860 I should be so lucky. 185 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:16,396 Hi. I'm Ted. Robin's boyfriend! 186 00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:19,266 Nice to meet you. Right. 187 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,569 Um, really nice to see you again. 188 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,537 Mmm, you too. Yeah. 189 00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,206 You owe me one. 190 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,677 Dad, isn't this place great? 191 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,045 Uh, I don't know. I-It's so loud! 192 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,114 And so bourgeois! 193 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,216 Many of my plays are about the bourgeois. 194 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,086 And ennui. 195 00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:41,321 And one rock opera... 196 00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:44,625 about a frozen-yogurt shop. 197 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,496 Uh, Lily, uh, talk about your open marriage. 198 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:54,968 Okay. Well, after a long day of style meetings and photo shoots... 199 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,370 and being way too mean to my assistant, 200 00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:00,340 I sometimes bang an underwear model. 201 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:01,208 My goodness. 202 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:02,876 I sleep around too. 203 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,012 Just as much. A little more even. 204 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,615 Oh, uh, only 'cause you have nothing to do all day. 205 00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:09,316 Are we having this fight again? 206 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,118 Writing plays is a real job! 207 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:14,722 I work 90 hours a week subsidizing your "real job." 208 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:18,125 I won a Tony! I brought French cooking to America! 209 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,161 - What? - Let's do shots! 210 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,896 Uh, no, thank you, Barney. 211 00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:25,465 I have that fishing trip with J.J. early tomorrow. 212 00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:28,035 I better take it easy. No! 213 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,403 Don't you remember what you said to me when I was a kid? 214 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,806 "Never stop partying!" 215 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,943 I said that? To a six-year-old? 216 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,345 I don't remember that. 217 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,682 You don't remember the last thing you said to me when I was a kid? 218 00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,786 You know, why don't you just go back home? 219 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,621 But I want to hang out with you. 220 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,522 Yeah, well, I want to hang out with Crazy Jerry, 221 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,059 not Stay-At-Home Jerome. 222 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,294 Fine. 223 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,929 You want Crazy Jerry? 224 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:10,110 There! You got him! 225 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:18,118 I apologize. It might take a few minutes to kick in. 226 00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:20,788 [ Chattering ] 227 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:24,557 Hey, sugar! 228 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,660 Five beers for the table, 229 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,561 a Seven and Seven for me... 230 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,798 and your 10 digits for this guy here! 231 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:35,168 Tonight Crazy Jerry gonna burn this disco down! 232 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,504 Whoo! Whoo-hoo! 233 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:40,473 Can you believe it? This is awesome! 234 00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:42,976 Barney, how is that awesome? 235 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:50,017 I finally know what it's like to be embarrassed by my dad. 236 00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,585 So, you really believe... 237 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,587 that if we were in an open marriage, 238 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,824 that you would do better than me? 239 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:59,092 Hey, you do better than me at a lot of other things. 240 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:03,630 Like... digesting dairy and reaching for stuff. 241 00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,899 Okay, you know what? Game on. 242 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:09,436 If I can score five numbers before you can, 243 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,805 then we have sex in the bathroom. 244 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:14,607 But if you can score five numbers before me, 245 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,344 then we have sex in the bathroom. 246 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,112 So our usual wager? 247 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,714 Deal. 248 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,818 Hey, uh-- Hey, Jerry. 249 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,787 You, you really wanna be out here like this? 250 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,956 Oh, sorry, small town preacher from the Midwest. 251 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,792 Is there a law against dancing? 252 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,660 No, of course not. I just-- 253 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,195 Oh, this club blows! 254 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:37,330 Let's hit the greatest party in the world-- 255 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,899 the streets of New York! 256 00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,968 Yeah! Yes! Let's do it! 257 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,737 [ Stammering ] Maybe fix the tie. 258 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,372 But mostly party! 259 00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,376 Okay, Jerry's gone. Let's break up. 260 00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,044 Okay. 261 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,680 I would've stolen you a whole orchestra. There. What's the rush? 262 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,249 Well, that guy who came over here who thinks we're dating-- 263 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,886 I kinda have a crush on him. Can you help me clear it up? 264 00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:01,721 Really? That guy? He was like a four. 265 00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:03,223 A four? 266 00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,926 God, you are like the worst judge of guys ever. 267 00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:09,362 If he is a four, what are you? 268 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:13,533 Hey, I'm not perfect. I'm an eight... and a half. 269 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,535 You're a doofus and a half. 270 00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,170 Fine. Let's go talk to him. 271 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,172 Where'd you meet this booger-eater anyway? 272 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,574 Uh, at a close-out sale at Dawes. 273 00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:24,377 Oh, really? I remember that sale. 274 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:25,378 Hey, Robin. 275 00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,014 Oh, Ted. Oh, no. 276 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,715 Look what I just bought. 277 00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:31,985 Right? Right? 278 00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:34,387 Hold on. We were dating then. 279 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:38,325 I specifically remember because we had great sex that ni-- 280 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,393 Great sex. 281 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,629 Mmm. Let me guess. 282 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,865 Someone wants to knock boots. 283 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:47,534 [ Imitates Gunfire ] 284 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,102 Boots. 285 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:52,439 Just take off your damn shirt. Okay. 286 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:54,307 All right. 287 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:55,742 Oh, oh, stop. What? 288 00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:57,277 Stop. Perfect. 289 00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,146 But I can't see, and you can't see me. 290 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:02,883 Yeah. Yeah, just like that. 291 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:05,052 You were picturing your crush! 292 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,387 Well, somebody had to-- 293 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,926 Okay. Okay. Answer me this. 294 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:16,563 Are you absolutely sure it had nothing whatsoever... 295 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,431 to do with the boots? 296 00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:19,900 Yes. 297 00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:23,103 You hear that everybody? She said yes! 298 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,906 We're getting married! [ Laughs ] 299 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,441 I love this girl. I'm never letting her go. 300 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,110 Mmm! 301 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:37,284 Hey. Bottoms up, amigo! 302 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,654 [ Ted Narrating ] After that, Barney's memory of the night got a little hazy. 303 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,390 You wanna fight me? 304 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:47,027 Well, I'll fight you, dummy! 305 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,730 [ Laughing ] You don't even... know. 306 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,532 Hey, hey, hey! Here we go! 307 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:58,371 [ Shouts ] 308 00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:01,441 Look what I just ripped out of the ground! 309 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,546 I just puked on the hood of that-- [ Siren Blares ] 310 00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,949 police car. [ Laughing ] 311 00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:15,122 Too bad your playwright friend isn't a lawyer. 312 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,396 Barney, I'm so sorry. 313 00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:26,967 I'm afraid this is what it's like hanging out with Crazy Jerry. 314 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:30,403 It's okay, Dad. 315 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:34,807 I never thought tonight would be so awesome! 316 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,977 So, next stop-- strip club. 317 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,478 The Lusty Leopard has a special-- 318 00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:42,815 Oh, for corn's sake, Barney, I'm not drunk! What? 319 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,652 I told you I don't party anymore, and you wouldn't take no for an answer. 320 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,887 So-- 321 00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:51,992 I used a little sleight of hand... 322 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,896 to make you think otherwise. 323 00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:58,698 Here ya go. Whoa! 324 00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:01,401 Bottoms up, amigo! 325 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,839 But all those crazy things you did. 326 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:10,377 You happen to remember what a magician's best friend is? 327 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:14,447 A drunk audience. 328 00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,816 You wanna fight me? 329 00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:20,320 Well, I'll fight you, dummy! 330 00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:21,921 [ Muttering ] 331 00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:24,958 You don't even... know. 332 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,126 I can't-- 333 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,595 Look. 334 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:31,131 Look what I just ripped out of the ground! 335 00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:33,066 No! 336 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,102 [ Groaning ] 337 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,337 What just happened? 338 00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:39,973 I just puked on the hood of that-- 339 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,741 [ Siren Blares ] 340 00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:45,312 police car. [ Laughing ] 341 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,480 But why do all those things? 342 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:52,252 I figured if I showed you what "never stop partying" really looked like, 343 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:55,122 you'd realize you can't do it forever. 344 00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,425 [ Sighs ] Oh, well. 345 00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:05,165 You lied to me all night for your own selfish reasons? 346 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,235 Daddy! 347 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,739 I wanted to hang out with you. You're my son. 348 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:16,409 And since you didn't want to come with me and J.J. on that fishing trip-- 349 00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:19,812 Fishing trip. 350 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:22,049 I'll never make it back in time now. 351 00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,854 Hey, you know, a pretty good magician like you... 352 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:32,292 probably knows how to, say, get out of a standard set of handcuffs. 353 00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:34,227 Perhaps. 354 00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,597 Well, here's something you didn't know. 355 00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:41,101 I'm a pretty good magician too. 356 00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,471 [ Laughing ] 357 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:48,075 Abracadabra! Hoo-hoo! 358 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,911 Congratulations. Oh, hey! Thank you so much. 359 00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:54,081 We're super excited. We're thinking June. 360 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,482 [ Laughing ] Yeah. Okay. 361 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,717 Okay, jerk. 362 00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:00,520 Do you remember how you ended up buying those red cowboy boots? 363 00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:04,691 Wow. Wardrobe malfunction at the O.K. Corral. 364 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:07,227 I mean, who in their right mind would ever-- 365 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,996 You would look so totally hot in those. 366 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:13,066 Do you have these in a size 11? 367 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:16,636 So get off the field at the Superdome, because you ain't no Saint. 368 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:19,672 Hello. 369 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,108 I have-- Oh! 370 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,576 Hi, Robin. 371 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,046 Could I have your phone number? 372 00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:30,517 We need someplace to hide. Where? 373 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,785 No, Jerry. This is not the time to go to another club. 374 00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:36,356 We've gotta get you back home in time for that trip. 375 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,392 There's no more trains. There's no cabs. 376 00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:43,096 Well, I do have a few driving students in the city. 377 00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:45,398 Step on it! Do not step on it. 378 00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,167 Jerry, we have got to get you home-- 10:00 and 2:00. 379 00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:48,701 in time for that fishing trip! 380 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,837 - The laws are there to-- - This is no time for laws! 381 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,605 - Buckle up, Barney. - I'm not going to buckle up! 382 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,841 I am your father! You will listen to me! 383 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,345 [ Seat Belt Buckle Clicks ] 384 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,647 Hey, how's the open marriage going? 385 00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:02,382 Who was the first to get to five numbers? 386 00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:06,018 I won that race. My prize-- sex in the bathroom. 387 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,655 And I won that race. 388 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:14,060 Sorry that secret crush didn't work out for you. 389 00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:15,628 Oh, it's okay. 390 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,397 I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Mmm. 391 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,999 [ Chuckles ] Why are you smiling? 392 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:21,601 I don't know. 393 00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:23,170 Good night. 394 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,405 Saw that girl again. 395 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,440 And guess what? She's engaged. 396 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,442 So that's the end of that. 397 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,711 [ Ted Narrating ] It wasn't the end that. More on that later. 398 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:34,281 And her fiancé? The guy's like a two. 399 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,687 How did you do it? 400 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,189 Do what? 401 00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,957 How did you become this? 402 00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:47,827 I mean, I love my life, but... 403 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,730 I'm not sure I like loving it. 404 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,165 Sure, strip clubs-- 405 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,566 You're drifting. 406 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,335 Hey, I'm trying to open up to you. 407 00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:57,737 No, Mrs. Perkins, you're drifting! 408 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,441 Go on, Barney. 409 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,312 When I think about going for anything more than that, 410 00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:08,481 I look at my life and who I am, and... 411 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,752 I'm too far gone. 412 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:16,356 I'm broken. 413 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,493 Son, 414 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:24,331 I was far more broken than you'll ever be, and look at me now. 415 00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,033 Don't get me wrong. 416 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:30,437 Settling down is a challenge. 417 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,739 It's the biggest challenge of your life. 418 00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,541 So how do you do it? 419 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,411 A magician never reveals his greatest trick. 420 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,448 But I'll give you a hint. 421 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,783 You gotta meet the right girl. 422 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,221 Who knows? 423 00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:50,657 Maybe you'll meet her tomorrow. 424 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,893 Maybe I've met her already. 425 00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:57,830 And park. And emergency brake. 426 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,902 I did have a good time tonight. 427 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,405 And, hey, if you wanna go fishing, we got room in the boat. 428 00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:07,840 Maybe some other time. 429 00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:08,941 Okay. 430 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:11,678 Oh, and, uh, 431 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,915 thanks for taking such good care of this. 432 00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:19,252 It means a lot to me that you kept it safe all these years. 433 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,297 [ Murmurs ] 434 00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,970 I'm going fishing with my dad. 435 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,442 [ Car Door Closes ] 436 00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,719 [ Deep Breath ] 437 00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,559 This... 438 00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:03,896 sucks. 439 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:05,865 [ Insect Buzzing ]