1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:03,337
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, as you know,

2
00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:05,473
I was designing
Goliath National Bank's
new headquarters...

3
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,275
on the site of this old hotel,
the Arcadian.

4
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,842
[ Crowd Chanting ]
GNB is the enemy!

5
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:12,246
Problem was,
some people didn't want
the Arcadian torn down.

6
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:16,150
Even bigger problem, they were
led by my girlfriend, Zoey.

7
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,686
Oh, hang on,
hang on, hang on!
Hey, sweetie.

8
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:22,756
Are we still on for dinner
at 8:00 at Valenzizi's?

9
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:25,559
That's great!
I can't wait!

10
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,829
[ Crowd ]
That's great! I can't wait!
That's great! I can't wait!

11
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,332
[ Ted Narrating ]
But somehow, Zoey and I
were making it work.

12
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:33,967
Ted, why are you dating
our archenemy?

13
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,271
I mean, Wile E. Coyote
wouldn't try to sleep
with the Road Runner.

14
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:40,308
Or maybe he was.
Think about it.

15
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:45,045
The way that she bats
her eyelashes and shakes
her tail feathers in his face.

16
00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:48,082
[ Chuckles ]
She wants it.

17
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:51,585
Isn't it hard for you guys
to be on opposite sides
of something like this?

18
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:53,554
Of course you feel
that way, Lily.

19
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:57,191
You and Marshall
have basically melded into
one big hermaphroditic blob,

20
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:59,127
and that's fine
for you guys.

21
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:02,830
But some of us want a partner
who challenges us
to grow and evolve.

22
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,599
You guys are
in screaming matches
all the time.

23
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:09,036
Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
Growing matches.

24
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:12,273
[ Ted Narrating ]
It was true. Zoey and I loved
to challenge each other.

25
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:14,775
The main character
is a young, spoiled prince...

26
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:17,311
thrust into leadership
after the death of his father.

27
00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:19,947
It's obviously a modern-day
retelling of Henry IV.

28
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,416
Are you kidding me?
It's Don Quixote.

29
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:27,020
The classic quest story
with the hero-jester and his
long-suffering manservant.

30
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:31,159
Okay. Clearly, when we're
watching Tommy Boy, we're
watching two different movies.

31
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,061
No. You hang up.

32
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,829
No! You hang up.

33
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:37,531
No. You hang up.

34
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,700
No. You hang up.

35
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,102
No. You hang up!

36
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,238
[ Wearily ]
No. You hang up.

37
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,774
No. You hang up.
No. You--

38
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,309
[ Phone Beeping ]
Hold on.

39
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:50,844
[ Beeps ]
Hello?

40
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:54,415
For the love of God,
will one of you idiots
hang up the phone!

41
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,352
[ Gasping ]

42
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:02,055
Why would you do that?
I-- I thought you'd like it.

43
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,626
Who likes that?
I like it.

44
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:10,298
Your relationship
sounds exhausting.

45
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,500
Well, maybe yours
is a bit lazy.

46
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,803
Marshall and I have
been together 15 years,

47
00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:18,506
and the only debate we've
had about Tommy Boy...

48
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:21,342
is whether it's awesome
or super awesome.

49
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:23,511
That's love, bitch.

50
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:27,381
** [ Upbeat Pop ]

51
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,751
** [ Man Vocalizing ]

52
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,558
** [ Ends ]

53
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:41,795
[ Ted Narrating ]
Now, around this time, Marshall
had truly come to hate his job.

54
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,764
He hated the paperwork.

55
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,700
He hated the coffee.

56
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,770
He hated the dirty jokes.

57
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,841
He hated everything.

58
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:56,176
[ Clipping ]

59
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:59,179
- I have to quit.
- Quit GNB? Why?

60
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:01,782
I need to do better things
with my life, okay?

61
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,817
There's-- There's an opening
for an environmental lawyer...

62
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,853
at the National Resources
Defense Counsel.

63
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,421
Sure, it pays less,

64
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:10,491
but I'd be saving the oceans,
saving endangered species.

65
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:14,662
Saving chicken bones and
an old boot to make hobo soup.

66
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:19,500
Marshall, you can't pay your
mortgage with Hacky Sacks and
good vibes.

67
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,335
Baby, you have
my full support.

68
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:24,438
Well, then you're not gonna
be able to pay for that trip
to Spain...

69
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,707
that you've been planning.

70
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:29,510
Yeah, say good-bye to riding
around in gondolas...

71
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:34,114
and eating bratwurst
and seeing the pyramids.

72
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:36,550
I don't think you know
what Spain is.

73
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:40,688
Well, I know that a trip there
costs some serious lira.

74
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:43,957
- It's "dinero."
- Where? I want his autograph!

75
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:47,194
[ Ted Narrating ]
So, Marshall walked in the
next morning all ready to quit.

76
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:48,696
But then something weird
happened.

77
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,531
[ Woman ]
* I will remember you *

78
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:53,267
Suddenly he didn't
hate the paperwork.

79
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:58,439
He didn't hate the coffee.
* Will you remember me? *

80
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:01,975
He didn't even hate
the dirty jokes.

81
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:06,179
* Don't let your life *
Out of nowhere,
Marshall actually liked GNB.

82
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,350
* Pass you by **
[ Clipping ]

83
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:10,751
- It's graduation goggles.
- What?

84
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,920
Graduation goggles.
Like with high school.

85
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:15,956
It's four years of bullies
making fun of all the kids
with braces,

86
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,892
even after the braces come off
and they can walk just fine.

87
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,629
But then on graduation day,
you suddenly get all misty...

88
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,565
because you realize you're never
gonna see those jerks again.

89
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:27,301
I just had graduation goggles
with that guy Scooby I dated.

90
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,470
The guy who was
basically a dog?

91
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:32,039
He was the worst kisser
I've ever been with.

92
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,843
[ Robin ]
But the moment I decided
to dump him--

93
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:40,280
* I will remember you *
I suddenly got
kinda wistful.

94
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,951
He was a good boy.

95
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,887
Yeah,
I've been there too.

96
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,823
Every time I'm done
having sex with a woman,

97
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:53,727
at first, I never want
to see her again, but then--

98
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:58,832
* I will remember you **

99
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:04,538
- [ Barney ]
No, that's pretty much it.
- [ No Audible Dialogue ]

100
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:08,241
The point is, you can't
trust graduation goggles.

101
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,545
They're just as misleading
as beer goggles, bridesmaid
goggles...

102
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,080
and "that's just a bulky...

103
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,016
outdated cell phone
in his front pocket" goggles.

104
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,918
That one was a bummer.

105
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:21,254
You're right. Tomorrow
I'm quitting GNB.

106
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,056
No! You can't quit tomorrow!

107
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,958
The lady with the big nipples
is coming back...

108
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,327
to give another
sexual harassment seminar,

109
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:30,431
and I bribed one
of the maintenance guys to keep
the room at a brisk 55 degrees.

110
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:33,934
Baby, more than ever,
you have my full support.

111
00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:38,572
You know,
sometimes I feel bad
for Lily and Marshall.

112
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,774
I'm starting to feel bad
for Ted and Zoey.

113
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:45,813
[ Snapping Fingers ]
It starts with an "L"?

114
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:48,281
How can you not
remember my name?

115
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,283
It's like they never
challenge each other.

116
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,252
They just automatically
agree all the time.

117
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,655
Well, they don't
do that all the time.
Yes, they do.

118
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,323
No, they don't.
Yes, they do.

119
00:05:56,390 --> 00:06:00,027
It's like they don't see
eye to eye on anything.
Eye to eye on anything.

120
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,463
Totally.
Totally.

121
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,465
It rhymes
with your name.

122
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:09,570
And I said my name was--

123
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,107
Baby, I did it.
I quit!

124
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,844
And then I walked
right over to the NRDC,
and I took that job.

125
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,979
Oh, good for you, sweetie!
Yeah, yeah.

126
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,248
It's a little less money
than I was expecting.

127
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:24,284
I mean, compared to what
I was making at GNB,
it's nothing.

128
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:27,220
Actually, compared
to anything, it's nothing.
It's nothing.

129
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:31,525
The paid position just got
filled, so all I can do
is volunteer right now.

130
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,827
You're cool with that,
right?

131
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,797
Baby, if this
is what you need to do,
we'll figure it out.

132
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:39,500
How's Barney
handling you leaving?

133
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:46,874
Hey, Barney, there's
a bunch of models
in the lobby,

134
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,510
and the gossip is one of them
is really a dude.

135
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,745
You wanna play
Who's Hot and Who's Scott?

136
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:55,248
It's always the one
in the turtleneck, Ted.

137
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:58,986
No, I don't wanna play.
Stupid Marshall,
he ruined everything.

138
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,021
Oh, come on.
Everything's not ruined.

139
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:04,424
- Guys, everything's ruined.
- What? Why?

140
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:08,261
Your girlfriend somehow
got the landmark preservation
committee to agree to a hearing.

141
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,831
If they declare
the Arcadian a landmark,
the whole project is dead.

142
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,336
The good news is I just got the
phone number of a husky-voiced
hottie in a turtleneck.

143
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:18,105
Ha-ha-ha!

144
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:26,714
So, if the landmark
preservation committee
sides with Zoey,

145
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,116
your whole project
goes down the tubes?

146
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:34,254
- You must be furious.
- I'm furiously enjoying
being challenged.

147
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:37,625
Why don't you admit
that your girlfriend
challenging your every move...

148
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:40,193
is getting you
a little murder-suicidey?

149
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:42,229
Why don't you admit that
Marshall quitting his job...

150
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,264
and taking
an unpaid internship
is killing you?

151
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,266
It's not.
Lily.

152
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,870
The downside to having
giant Japanese anime eyes is
that they're easy to read.

153
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:53,607
And yours are screaming,
"What about my trip
to Spain, deadbeat?"

154
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,710
Okay, Ted, the downside
to having a woman's mouth...

155
00:07:56,777 --> 00:08:01,081
is your feminine pout
gives away your true feelings,
and yours is saying,

156
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:04,652
[ Squeaky Voice ]
"Oh, Zoey, why can't I be
on top just this once?"

157
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:08,088
We take turns!
Sometimes.

158
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,057
Hey, guys. Thanks.

159
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:13,727
I just had the best
first day at the NRDC.
[ Laughing ]

160
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:16,930
[ Laughing Continues ]

161
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:21,101
I'm sorry. Sorry.
Something Hershel
said at work today.

162
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:24,504
Hershel?
What? Don't you guys
know Hershel?

163
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:28,408
Did I tell you?
Oh, he's the new lawyer
who replaced Marshall at GNB.

164
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:33,413
He is so awesome
and funny and tall.
Taller than Marshall.

165
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:36,049
And he knows
way more laws.

166
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,852
- Uh, I'm glad you like
your new coworker.
- There's no Hershel!

167
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,854
I was just saying that
to make you jealous.

168
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:43,256
- Why do you insist
we play these games?
- Barney, I'm not--

169
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,092
Just come back
to GNB already!

170
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:48,528
- I'm really loving my new job.
- Oh, and I'm loving
seeing you this happy.

171
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:51,632
I'm glad to hear you say that
because I volunteered
our apartment...

172
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:54,067
for a big NRDC fund-raiser
tomorrow night.

173
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:57,337
-You're cool with that, right?
-Baby, you have my full support.

174
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,707
- Thanks, baby.
- [ Cell Phone Chimes ]
- Oh.

175
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,142
Oop! I gotta go.
The invitations are ready.

176
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:05,212
The party's for
a bunch of environmentalists,
so I found a guy downtown...

177
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:09,883
who makes biodegradable
party invitations that can
also be used as toilet paper.

178
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,119
That's how
I'm gonna use mine.

179
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:16,256
Why in the world do you
care so much whether
Marshall works at GNB?

180
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:19,459
Care? I don't care.
I'm, like, whatever.
Marshall who?

181
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,929
He's stupid.
Hershel's way better.

182
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:25,833
Barney, is it possible that,
with everything that's gone on
with your dad lately,

183
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,469
you might have some unresolved
abandonment issues you're
transferring onto Marshall?

184
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:32,606
Oh, blecch!
You are worse than my shrink.

185
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:35,442
"Barney, we have to talk
about your father."

186
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:39,246
"Barney, I'm not gonna teach you
how to hypnotize people.
You'll only use it for evil."

187
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:42,315
"Barney, I'm not gonna
conduct a couples session
between you and this woman.

188
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:44,151
She's obviously
a prostitute."

189
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,053
I don't need this!

190
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:50,791
Ah, Lily Aldrin,
half of the world's
most perfect couple.

191
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:54,161
I was thinking about
that "woman's mouth" comment,
and I have three good comebacks.

192
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:57,798
One. Your mom didn't seem
to mind it last night--
No, Ted, I need a favor.

193
00:09:57,865 --> 00:09:59,599
Would you mind driving
out to Kennedy with me...

194
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:03,170
to pick up
this famous ecologist
for Marshall's fund-raiser?

195
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:06,239
Apparently, he only
speaks Spanish, and you
speak Spanish, right?

196
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:11,111
[ Speaking Spanish ]

197
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,980
Perfect. Let's go.

198
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:19,920
Hey, Marshall, it's me.
Listen, I know I've been kind of
a jerk about your leaving GNB.

199
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,955
I just wanted to call
and say I'm sorry.

200
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,291
No apologies necessary.
We're good.

201
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,226
Good. Um--

202
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,829
Hey, any chance you might,
maybe-- I don't know--
if you're not busy,

203
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,864
uh, wanna have lunch today?

204
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,600
Oh, buddy, I'd love to,
but I can't.

205
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,670
Oh, that's cool.
No biggie.

206
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,371
Another time.

207
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:59,126
Oh, my God!

208
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:03,296
- How long have you been there?
- You don't remember?

209
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,867
Hey, I was
in the neighborhood.

210
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,936
I just wanted
to check in on you.

211
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,938
You seemed, um--
You seemed really upset
the other day.

212
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,874
- Oh, no. I'm fine.
- Okay.

213
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:17,044
- Well, um, you wanna
go grab some lunch?
- Sure.

214
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:20,881
- Hey, you okay if I invite
Marshall to join us?
- Yeah.

215
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,218
Right.

216
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:28,956
So, um, Chinese?

217
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,929
You know, just because Zoey
and I are a different kind of
couple than you and Marshall...

218
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,365
doesn't make us
a worse couple.

219
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,768
You're right.

220
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:45,072
I-If you and Zoey are happy,
then who am I to judge?

221
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,440
I'm so sorry.

222
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,879
Oh, my God.
Is that how support feels?

223
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:54,581
It's so warm
and wonderful.

224
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:57,084
Oh, Lily,
I've been so unhappy.

225
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,152
But I thought you liked
being challenged?

226
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,354
Nobody likes
being challenged!

227
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,723
Couldn't she agree
with me just once,
even on something little,

228
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:07,560
like-- like what movie to see
or-- or what topping
to get on a pizza...

229
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:12,265
or-- oh, I don't know--
my lifelong dream of building
a skyscraper in New York City?

230
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:16,804
Well, in her defense,
hamburger pizza, Ted?
What are you, 12?

231
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,239
You were right, Lily.

232
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:22,242
I mean, Zoey's great,
but sometimes I-I do wish...

233
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:25,278
we were a little more
like you and Marshall.

234
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,950
There he is.
Here we go.

235
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,220
[ Speaking Spanish ]

236
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:44,264
I'm sorry. I don't speak...
whatever it is you're speaking.

237
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,135
Um, he speaks
perfect English.
Yeah, I-I know.

238
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:52,005
Why did you
ask me to come?

239
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,641
So you could drive him
to the fund-raiser.

240
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:57,210
Supporting Marshall
this much is
driving me crazy.

241
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,813
I'm going to Spain.
My flight leaves
in 45 minutes.

242
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,382
Adios, muchacho.

243
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:10,390
Wait. Wait, wait, wait!
What do you mean
you're going to Spain?

244
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,892
You were right.

245
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:14,895
If I hear myself say,
"Baby, you have my full support"
one more time,

246
00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:17,898
I swear
I'm gonna murder someone!

247
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:20,067
[ Chuckles ]
What are you gonna
tell Marshall, huh?

248
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,801
And when are you
coming back?

249
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:25,705
I honestly haven't
thought it all the way through,
and I don't intend to.

250
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:28,608
All I know is that
I'm a ticking time bomb,

251
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:33,713
and if I don't do
something for me right away,
I swear I'm gonna explode!

252
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:36,483
Wow! That's an evocative
metaphor to use...

253
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,818
for your nonthreatening,
totally patriotic emotions.

254
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,922
U.S.A.!
Okay, Lily, I get it.

255
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,656
Marshall's been asking
a lot lately.

256
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:46,593
But the thing to do is-is
tell him you've had enough.

257
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,295
I've never been good at that.

258
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,630
And now,
ever since his dad died,

259
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,934
I-I feel like it's my job
to just be fine with everything.

260
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:58,371
But I'm not. I'm not fine
that he volunteers our apartment
for a giant fund-raiser...

261
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:01,574
and that he's not thinking
about how we're gonna pay
any of our bills...

262
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:05,512
and that, apparently,
we've given up on trying
to have kids.

263
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:11,451
Lil.
I'm sorry, Ted.
I just-- I gotta do this.

264
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:17,057
My bag?
Oh, no. I got it.

265
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:22,762
- There's nothin' to talk about.
- You trashed your office today!

266
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:25,899
I mean, you obviously
have some deep feelings
you're not confronting,

267
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:27,567
and I think
they're about your dad.

268
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,103
I don't wanna talk
about it, okay?
Why not?

269
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,672
Because I don't!
And why am I explaining
this to you?

270
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:36,076
You're the most secretive
person I know. You never
tell anybody anything.

271
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,948
I've never told anyone
this before.

272
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:46,219
Um, I was 16.

273
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:49,322
I was awakened
around midnight...

274
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,791
by the sound
of my father arguing...

275
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:55,095
with his business partner,
Andy Grenier.

276
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,431
As things grew heated,

277
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:01,434
I watched my father's hands
slowly coil around...

278
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:04,371
the heavy antique clock
on his desk.

279
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,843
The sun was just
starting to rise
over the bramble orchard...

280
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:15,115
as we packed the fresh earth
down with the flats
of our shovels.

281
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:19,052
My dad and I
got our stories straight.

282
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,121
We walked back
to the house in silence...

283
00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:24,224
and... haven't
talked about it since.

284
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,828
But sometimes,

285
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,231
on a still night,

286
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:34,001
I can still
hear that clock...

287
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:38,338
[ Clock Ticking, Faint ]
ticking, ticking, ticking.

288
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:45,012
That's the most harrowing story
I've ever heard.

289
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:48,215
Is it true?
No.

290
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,385
But it did get you
to drink three scotches,

291
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,921
which is why you're ready
to spill your guts.

292
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:56,756
Fine.

293
00:15:56,823 --> 00:16:01,328
The reason I'm upset about
Marshall leaving GNB is--

294
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,364
is--

295
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:06,899
Hey.

296
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,537
[ Inhales, Sighs ]
The meatball sub.

297
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:15,208
- Huh?
- It all started months ago
in the GNB commissary.

298
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,277
It was meatball sub day.

299
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:21,248
Oh, how I used to love
meatball sub day.

300
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:24,817
And then, the most
humiliating moment of my life.

301
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:29,056
Hey, buddy. I think you got
a tiny bit of marinara sauce
on your tie there.

302
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,559
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]

303
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:35,428
[ Laughing Continues ]

304
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:39,599
[ Barney ]
I plotted my revenge for weeks,
but nothing seemed right.

305
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,534
Then it hit me.

306
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:44,237
The answer
was so elegant and simple.

307
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,710
An exploding meatball sub.

308
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:56,149
For months, I experimented.

309
00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:05,358
[ Explodes ]

310
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:10,797
More marinara sauce.

311
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:15,135
Finally, the sub was perfected.

312
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:19,172
The plan was in place.
The snare was baited.

313
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:23,443
And then he quit, Robin.
He quit!

314
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:28,181
It's meatball sub day today,
which is why I wanted Marshall
to come over and have lunch.

315
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:31,918
But no.
All that work wasted.

316
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:34,954
[ Chuckles ]
You wanna make God laugh?

317
00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:37,390
Tell him your plans, right?

318
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,294
What is wrong with you?

319
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,065
Hey. Oh, Professor Rodriguez.
Thank you so much for coming.

320
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:48,768
Oh, my pleasure.
I have to use
the restroom.

321
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:52,038
Do you have some
extra invitations?
Right over there.

322
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:54,374
Enjoy.
Hey.

323
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,543
Hey, thanks for
picking him up.
Yeah. Absolutely.

324
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:59,712
Listen, something happened
at the airport. Um--

325
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:02,849
What?
Well, we got there,
and, uh, Lily--

326
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,584
[ Sighs ]
Lily--

327
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,486
Marshall, hey. Sorry.

328
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:10,390
I, uh, had to park
and-- and grab some ice.
Sorry.

329
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,825
Oh, thanks, babe.
Mmm.

330
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:16,163
You would not believe how much
this one has done to help
throw this party, Ted.

331
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:18,431
I don't know
how she does it.

332
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,634
Can't be easy,
huh, Lil?

333
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:25,572
Yeah. Listen, Marshall.
I-I need to talk to you
about something.

334
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,974
No, you know what?
Me too. Um--

335
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:31,178
I want to thank you
for being so supportive
of me in all this.

336
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:33,713
I've been at the NRDC
for less than a week,

337
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:37,250
and I've already
done more to be proud of
than in two years at GNB.

338
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:41,188
I can't believe
how good it feels.

339
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:45,458
But now it's time for me to--
to find a way to help the earth
and get paid for it,

340
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,495
because I can't put
that burden entirely on you.

341
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:52,532
So, starting tomorrow,
I'll look for something
with a paycheck.

342
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:56,403
What do you think?
Baby, you have
my full support.

343
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:57,837
Mmm.

344
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:00,039
Ted.

345
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:02,975
Hey! What are you
doin' here?

346
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:06,078
This is really important
to Marshall, so I came
to show my support.

347
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:09,982
This you can
be supportive of?
What is that supposed to mean?

348
00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:12,952
I have the chance
to build a skyscraper
in the best city on earth,

349
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,488
and who's the one
leading the charge
to kill that dream?

350
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,457
My girlfriend!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

351
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:22,028
What about my lifelong dream
of not seeing every beautiful
building in Manhattan bulldozed?

352
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:25,198
[ Ted Narrating ] And in
that moment I realized, though
I really cared about Zoey,

353
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,200
I couldn't do this
for the next 50 years.

354
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,002
I had to break up with her.
But then--

355
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:35,242
* I will remember you *
[ No Audible Dialogue ]

356
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,578
* Will you remember me? **

357
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:41,348
Kids, some couples
always support each other,

358
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:43,783
and some couples always
challenge each other.

359
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:47,119
But is one really better
than the other?

360
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:50,390
Yes. Support is better,
way better.

361
00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:53,260
But I'd have to learn that
the hard way.

362
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,431
You're too young.
This isn't fair.

363
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,333
We're not goin'
anywhere, buddy.

364
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,270
- We're gonna stay here
right till the end.
- Thank you, Marshall.

365
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,538
[ Coughing ]

366
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:09,642
Marshall, can I ask
one final favor, my friend?

367
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,479
Yes, of course.
Of course. Anything.

368
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:16,683
Eat this meatball sub.

369
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,987
- Where-Where'd
you get a meatball--
- I don't have much time!

370
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,823
Yes, yes. Of course.
Of course.

371
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,592
[ Gasps ]

372
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,961
Does this have some sort
of special meaning?

373
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:36,002
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
[ Laughing ]

374
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,204
I'm not sick, you idiots!

375
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:42,742
I've racked up $30,000
of uninsured medical bills
for symptoms I don't even have.

376
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:46,078
Totally worth it!
You should see
the look on your face.

377
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:49,882
Oh, wait. You can't,
'cause it's covered
in marinara sauce!

378
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:52,919
Ah, ha, ha!

379
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:56,489
Uh, Barney,
you got a little marinara
on your pajamas.

380
00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:58,391
[ Chuckles, Stops ]