1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:03,104 [ Ted Narrating ] In December of 2010, 2 00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:06,840 my friends and I decided to go see It's a Wonderful Life on the big screen. 3 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,676 It seemed like something we all needed. 4 00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:11,945 After all, it had been a crazy couple days. 5 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,882 It all started with a pregnancy test. 6 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:18,186 This is taking forever. Are you sure you did it right? 7 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:20,754 Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick? 8 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:25,893 Can I ask you a question that's plagued me for years? Can girls aim? 9 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,828 Um, can boys aim? 10 00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:31,599 'Cause it seems to me like I'm takin' a mop to that bathroom floor every two days. 11 00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:34,302 Okay, you're the one who put the Far Side calendar up over the toilet. 12 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,670 You know I laugh with my whole body. 13 00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:40,108 [ Gasps ] It's been two minutes. 14 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,743 [ Both Exhale ] 15 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:45,646 [ Together ] One, two, three. 16 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,048 It's positive. 17 00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:49,450 It's positive? It's positive? 18 00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,185 It's positive. It's positive? It's positive! 19 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,387 [ Both Screaming ] It's positive! 20 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,758 - I'm pregnant. - [ Robin ] What? 21 00:00:57,825 --> 00:01:00,060 I've never seen that woman before in my life. 22 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:02,263 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 23 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,266 To Lily and Marshall. 24 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,435 To Lily and Marshall. Well, thank you. 25 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,303 We've never been happier. Mmm. 26 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:12,173 Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now. 27 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,542 - You're not pregnant. - [ Gasps ] 28 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,744 Well, that did it. 29 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,280 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 30 00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,650 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 31 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,557 ** [ Ends ] 32 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,525 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, this is the story... 33 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,827 of the 36 hours we all thought Lily was pregnant... 34 00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:36,264 and how it caused each of us to reexamine our own lives. 35 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,865 Because while this was happening-- 36 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,200 Are you sure you did it right? 37 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:42,102 I was on the phone with Punchy, my best friend from high school, 38 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,272 who had recently asked me to be his best man. 39 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,307 Yeah, Punchy, I've given this some serious thought. 40 00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:49,076 I think I know how we can crush these floral arrangements. 41 00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,844 Here it comes. Hit me up, Schmos. 42 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:55,283 Peonies, lavender blossoms with a halo of baby's breath... 43 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,518 for an ambience of springtime rejuvenation. 44 00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:58,986 Crushed it! 45 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:02,423 That's exactly the accent of whimsy this celebration of love needs! 46 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,625 [ Voice Quavering ] It's gonna be a magical day. 47 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:09,029 I know what you're thinkin'. "I wish I was a dude." 48 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,931 I do wish you were a dude. 49 00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:14,335 Because if I was a dude, I could have Ted Mosby as my best man. 50 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:15,936 No. And here's why. 51 00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:18,005 Ted, the best man's job... 52 00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:21,375 is not to crush the floral arrangements. 53 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,844 It's to get the groom down the aisle. 54 00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:26,880 Because no matter who he is, he will freak out. 55 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,417 I just don't think you have what it takes to get that soldier... 56 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,352 to pick up his rifle and charge up the hill. 57 00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:34,822 Uh, are you forgetting? I've done this before. I was Marshall's best man. 58 00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,257 And how did that go again? 59 00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:39,560 [ Screaming ] No! 60 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,229 0 for 1. 61 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,163 Oh, come on. That wasn't my fault. 62 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,499 And need I remind you, I gave a beautiful toast. 63 00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:48,402 - Ted. - [ Screaming ] 64 00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:52,306 O, do you take One to be your lawfully wedded wife? 65 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,208 Oh, God, I'm freakin' out. 66 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,577 Why did I choose Ted to be my best man? 67 00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:58,912 Uh, yeah, it's hard to take criticism from someone... 68 00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:02,416 who just recorded seven episodes of Million Dollar Heads or Tails. 69 00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:05,953 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, Million Dollar Heads or Tails was an extremely popular show... 70 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,821 with an extremely simple premise. 71 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:11,091 All right, your practice flip came up tails, 72 00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:15,696 but our Vegas oddsmaker tells us that the next toss is still just 50-50. 73 00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:19,199 And so, Jordan, for one million dollars-- 74 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,803 heads or tails? 75 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:26,274 [ Audience Shouting ] Tails! Heads! Tails! 76 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:28,542 What was the year of the coin again? 77 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,077 Why the sudden obsession with Heads or Tails? 78 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:35,048 Well, it turns out that Heads or Tails has a job opening. 79 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,385 [ Audience Shouting ] Heads! Tails! Ta-- Heads. 80 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,787 Marni, flip that coin. 81 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,990 [ Groans ] [ Audience Gasping ] 82 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:46,226 So now because of that incident, Heads or Tails is looking for a new... 83 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,329 "currency rotation specialist." 84 00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:51,465 - You mean "coin flip bimbo"? - They're not bimbos. 85 00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,302 You auditioned, didn't you? 86 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,442 - And you're Canadian? - Mm-hmm. 87 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:05,546 Robin, aside from that coin, this is the other thing that's flipping right now. 88 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:09,417 What is my lid for you? 89 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,319 You're the new coin flip bimbo? 90 00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,186 Currency rotation specialist. 91 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,456 Robin, you better check yourself... 92 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:18,892 before you Trebek yourself. 93 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:22,396 - You're a journalist. What is the matter with you? - It's a national audience. 94 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,865 I get to wear shiny dresses. 95 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,267 Robin, have you forgotten about your New Year's resolution? 96 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:31,138 I'm never drinking again. 97 00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:32,473 No, before that. 98 00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:35,876 I am gonna finish this whole bottle tonight. 99 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,245 Before that too. 100 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,780 I moved here... 101 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:43,150 to work for a big-time cable news channel like World Wide News. 102 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,786 Well, by this time next year, 103 00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:49,757 I will be wearing a World Wide News I.D. badge around my neck. 104 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,759 And to show you that I'm serious, 105 00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,127 this is my first and only drink of the night. 106 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,896 Okay. Okay? 107 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,100 Oh, damn, that's smooth. 108 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,803 I thought you finally got that interview at World Wide News. 109 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,304 Well, I did. 110 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:08,108 But they only offered me a boring, low-paid, off-camera research job. 111 00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,611 Which could be a stepping stone to bigger things in your career. 112 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,413 So could Heads or Tails. 113 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,715 The first currency rotation specialist... 114 00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:17,818 went on to be a semifinalist on The Bachelor. 115 00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:21,489 And then she lost, like, a hundred pounds on The Biggest Loser. 116 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:24,057 And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 117 00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,994 [ Ted Narrating ] It seemed like there was no changing Robin's mind. 118 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,129 But what we didn't realize was that in a few minutes... 119 00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,999 our whole world was going to be turned upside-down. 120 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,835 - I'm pregnant. - What? 121 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:37,671 Now, kids, when your friends have great news, you're happy for them... 122 00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,373 for, like, a millisecond. 123 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,909 And then you start thinking about yourself. 124 00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:45,012 [ Thinking ] Oh, my God. They're really having a baby. 125 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,080 What am I doing with my life? 126 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,049 Starting Monday, I'm a currency rotation sp-- 127 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:51,552 Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a coin flip bimbo. 128 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:53,353 And I'm still single. 129 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:56,089 Okay, let's not go there, Scherbatsky. That's a whole other thing. 130 00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,592 I gotta take that World Wide News job. 131 00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,595 [ Ted Narrating ] And so the next night, we had two things to celebrate. 132 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:06,900 Well, you are looking at the new associate researcher at World Wide News. 133 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,769 [ Gasps ] Oh, my gosh! That's amazing news. 134 00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:11,639 What changed your mind? Marshall and Lily. 135 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:15,643 I just realized that I am about to have a little niece who looks up to me, 136 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,678 and I don't wanna be sad Aunt Robin, 137 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,213 the aging coin flip bimbo who gives her the creeps. 138 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,416 I wanna be cool Aunt Robin, 139 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,552 the respected journalist who gives her beer. 140 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,954 - What? - What? Oh-- 141 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:30,791 I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 142 00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,860 - [ Both Exhale ] - To Lily and Marshall. 143 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,328 To Lily and Marshall. Well, thank you. 144 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,465 I mean, we've never been happier. 145 00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:41,569 [ Ted Narrating ] The next day, Robin called Heads or Tails to respectfully decline. 146 00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:44,438 Hi. Mr. Trebek, um, this is Robin Scherbatsky. 147 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,440 - But at that moment-- - You're not pregnant. 148 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:47,875 [ Both Gasping ] 149 00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:51,011 As honored as I am by the offer, um-- [ Phone Chirping ] 150 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,080 [ Beep ] 151 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:56,484 [ Thinking ] Oh, my God. They're not having a baby. 152 00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,852 What am I getting all up in my head about? 153 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,054 That research job sounds hard. 154 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:05,459 And I'm pretty. I'm really, really pretty. 155 00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,428 [ Chuckles ] 156 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:11,665 You are looking at the new coin flip bimbo. 157 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,034 [ Imitating Gunfire ] 158 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,603 Whoosh! 159 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,738 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 160 00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:22,543 You took the Heads or Tails job? Yeah. 161 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:25,212 What about World Wide News? Your I.D. badge? 162 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,180 You made a New Year's resolution. 163 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:30,784 Okay, I also said I would never make out with a garbageman. 164 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:33,687 Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. 165 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,489 What's with the gingerbread house? 166 00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,390 We're seeing a Christmas movie. 167 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,027 It's a Christmas-themed movie snack. Mmm. 168 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,329 Let's hope Santa brings you a girlfriend this year, Teddy. 169 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,064 [ Muttering ] 170 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,666 Where the hell is Barney? 171 00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:48,235 [ Ted Narrating ] Where was Barney? Let's back up again. 172 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,737 You see, while this was going on-- 173 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,304 It's positive. It's positive? 174 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:52,606 this was happening. 175 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:55,509 And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 176 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,045 Hey, guys. 177 00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,147 A yuletide riddle. 178 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:04,117 What is my second-favorite word that begins with B-O-N? 179 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,986 Bon Jovi? 180 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:09,422 What is my third-favorite word that begins with B-O-N? 181 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,424 [ Imitates Buzzer ] "Bonus." 182 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:15,829 As in my end-of-the-year bonus check. 183 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,130 My God! 184 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,066 Barney, I work for GNB too. 185 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:22,102 All I got was a $15 gift card to Costa Coffee. 186 00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,037 And you earned it, buddy. 187 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,073 Check out what I'm gonna buy for myself. 188 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,442 The Dibiase. 189 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,112 See those pinstripes-- diamonds. 190 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:35,415 It is the uppest a person could ever suit. 191 00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:38,819 Uh, has it ever occurred to you to give some of this to charity? 192 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,253 Charity? 193 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,423 You're seriously talking to me about charity, dude? I am Mr. Charity. 194 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:47,194 I frequently sleep with sixes, 195 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:51,131 chubsters, over-30s. 196 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,267 I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang. 197 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,638 Hey, guys. Hey. 198 00:08:57,705 --> 00:09:01,074 - Big announcement. - Let me guess. You got a huge bonus check too. 199 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,310 No, just a $30 gift card to Costa Coffee. 200 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,545 - Thirty? - I'm pregnant. 201 00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,114 - [ Gasps ] - What? 202 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,717 I've never seen that woman before in my life. 203 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,719 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 204 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,187 [ Thinking ] Huh. 205 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,056 Marshall and Lily are doing something meaningful, 206 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:19,192 and it's making me less happy about this bonus. 207 00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:22,362 And I'm still single. At least I got that goin' for me. 208 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:25,899 So why do I still feel outside of awesome looking in? 209 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,769 What am I doing with my life? 210 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,804 We've never been happier. Mmm. 211 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:33,440 Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now. 212 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,343 Oh, Marshall, you only think you're happy. Just wait. 213 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,812 Because tonight... 214 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,048 is Barney's favorite things! 215 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,684 ** [ Disco ] [ Cheering, Screaming ] 216 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,091 [ Ted Narrating ] That was the reaction Barney expected. 217 00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:53,493 ...things! This is the one he got. 218 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,629 - Huh? - I don't know what that is. 219 00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,831 Barney's favorite things. 220 00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:00,433 I'm gonna give y'all a bunch of free stuff. 221 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,269 - Like Oprah. - [ Marshall ] Oh. 222 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,470 Just get excited, okay? 223 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:06,006 Sure. [ Ted Narrating ] The next hour got pretty weird. 224 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:09,009 Velour tracksuits! [ Cheering ] 225 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,911 Velour is so comfortable. These are so soft! 226 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:14,782 Remote control helicopters! 227 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:19,152 Condoms! 228 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,590 And last but not least, 229 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,558 there is a fleet of limos outside... 230 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,961 waiting to take us to... 231 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:32,933 a strip club! 232 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,368 You get a lap dance! 233 00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:36,636 You get a lap dance! 234 00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,739 You are gonna give me a lap dance! 235 00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:42,843 Everybody gets a lap dance! 236 00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:47,580 Amazing! It was like a diamond suit for my soul. 237 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,582 I gotta keep going. I gotta do more. 238 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,452 No. No. I cannot go back to that strip club. 239 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,321 I've seen some things. 240 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,223 I'm not going back either. 241 00:10:56,289 --> 00:11:00,493 I'm takin' the rest of my bonus to God's strip club. 242 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,731 [ Ted Narrating ] The next day, he paid a visit to the most charitable man he knew, 243 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:07,434 his half-brother's father-- Sam Gibbs, a minister at a church out on Long Island. 244 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,103 Sam-- Uh, Father. 245 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,072 I-I don't mean Father Father. 246 00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,141 Unless-- What's up, Barney? 247 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,644 I'm thinking about giving some money to charity. 248 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:20,147 Is that the name of the stripper you been e-mailing me about? 249 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,183 You gotta take me off that list, Barney. 250 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,518 No, I don't mean that Charity. 251 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,620 That Charity is doin' Peachy. 252 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,958 You'll see pics of the two of 'em in next week's e-mail. What up! 253 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,692 Barney, I'm a minister. 254 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,895 Unsubscribe. 255 00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:37,397 I-- I recently started giving, 256 00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,066 and it felt surprisingly good. 257 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,601 I wanna do more. Well, now you're talking. 258 00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:45,305 We have this program that helps those in need get back on their feet. 259 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:49,777 We give them food, a place to live, clothes for job interviews. 260 00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:53,747 Well, I would love to help by writing a check... 261 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:59,586 for one-zero-zero-zero-- 262 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,521 - You're not pregnant. - [ Both Gasping ] 263 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,490 zero-- [ Phone Chirps ] 264 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,993 Whoops. Hold on a second. 265 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,830 [ Thinking ] Wait! 266 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,698 They're not doing something meaningful with their lives. 267 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,801 Well, this changes everything. 268 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,736 Oh, no. I've already written four zeros. 269 00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:20,007 [ Gasps ] Thank you, decimal point. 270 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,344 $100.00. 271 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,247 That's great. 272 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:28,882 Thank you, Barney. 273 00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:35,522 Diamond suited up. 274 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,658 Hey, Ted, can you spot me for the movie? 275 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,528 I don't like to carry a lot of cash on me. 276 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,600 What happened to giving the money away? 277 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:50,703 That was back when Lily was pregnant. Now she's not. 278 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,540 Ergo, a suit is born. [ Chuckles ] 279 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,343 Dude, what's up with the gingerbread house? You look ridiculous. 280 00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,511 It's a Christmas-themed movie snack. 281 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,014 Oh, I know that move. 282 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:04,885 You cut a hole in the floor, she reaches into the living room, finds the tree. 283 00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:07,354 * O holy night * 284 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,089 Nice. 285 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,758 Where the hell are Marshall and Lily? 286 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,760 [ Ted Narrating ] Let's back up one last time. 287 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,296 - I'm pregnant. - [ Robin ] What? 288 00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,231 I've never seen that woman before in my life. 289 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,334 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 290 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,071 [ Thinking ] This is great. I'm happy. 291 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,206 I'm so happy my heart's pounding. 292 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:29,076 And I'm sweating. And I can't breathe. 293 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,344 This is what happiness feels like, right? 294 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,647 Oh, crap. Lily's having a baby, and I'm having a panic attack. 295 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:37,817 - I hope she can't tell what I'm thinking right now. - [ Thinking ] I can. 296 00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:39,853 And I'm freaking out too! 297 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,990 There's an alien growing in my stomach that's gonna explode out of my vagina! 298 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:46,826 - Do you think the others can tell we're freakin' out? - What am I doing with my life? 299 00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,261 What am I doing with my life? 300 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,431 I should get a Christmas-themed movie snack for tomorrow night. 301 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,800 They're totally on to us. What do we do? 302 00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,302 Just keep smiling. Maybe wave. 303 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,437 No, don't wave! That makes no sense! 304 00:13:57,504 --> 00:14:00,207 I'm committed. I'm riding this wave straight to hell. 305 00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,042 Let's leave. Then the waving will make sense. 306 00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:05,278 See you guys tomorrow. [ Ted Narrating ] So Lily and Marshall headed home. 307 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,481 Lily, we have to relax. There's no need to panic. 308 00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,817 True, there's a lot to do, but we've got nine months to prepare. 309 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:14,754 So I say we make a list of everything that needs to get done before the baby arrives... 310 00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,823 and do everything on that list tonight! 311 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,658 Let's do it! [ Screaming ] 312 00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,027 Uh-huh. Got it. 313 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,494 Okay. That seems easy. 314 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,330 Nursery's painted. 315 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,033 - Blue? What if it's a girl? - Damn it! 316 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:29,636 ** [ Man Singing: Rock ] 317 00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:32,339 * It's the time and the place * 318 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,042 * Why all these lights popping off in my face? * 319 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,277 * Or am I freakin' out? Freakin' out? * 320 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:39,546 * Freakin' out? Freakin' out? Freakin' out? ** 321 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:42,749 Oh, God, it's 8:00. We're supposed to meet the gang at the bar to celebrate. 322 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,818 Oh, God. Okay, listen. When we meet them, we have to keep it together. 323 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,621 Can you keep it together? No, I can't keep it together! 324 00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:51,858 [ Robin ] I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 325 00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,994 - [ Both Exhale ] - To Lily and Marshall. 326 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,263 To Lily and Marshall. Well, thank you. 327 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,299 I mean, we've never been happier. 328 00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:02,435 This is a nightmare! We've done everything wrong! 329 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:06,339 [ Gasping ] The iPod was on shuffle! 330 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,208 The Jerky Boys. 331 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,643 Our baby heard The Jerky Boys! 332 00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:14,581 - The Jerky Boys are funny. - The Jerky Boys aren't funny! They are awful! 333 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:16,616 Fine. If you don't think The Jerky Boys are funny, 334 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:19,352 then I'm not sure that I can raise a child with you, liver lips! 335 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,221 [ Gasps ] 336 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,756 - Marshall, I don't like this. - I know. 337 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,592 Okay? I don't like it either. 338 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:30,930 It's like I have a hot, burning ball of stress in my chest... 339 00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,066 and nothing will make it go away! 340 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:36,203 - You're not pregnant. - Well, that did it. 341 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,139 I know this probably comes as quite a disappointment. 342 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,309 Yeah. 343 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,910 Huge bummer. 344 00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,945 So disappointing. 345 00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:50,683 - * Snow on the ground Snow in the-- * - Hey. You guys okay? 346 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,385 Yeah. Why wouldn't we be? 347 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,554 Oh, the baby thing. 348 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:55,822 Oh, yeah. Whatever. 349 00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:57,524 Oh, Christmas-themed movie snack. Nice. 350 00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,560 [ Laughing ] Don't reach into the living room. 351 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:05,132 Wow. I thought you guys would be devastated. 352 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:08,368 Oh. You know, we're actually kind of relieved. 353 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:11,004 We were freakin' out for about a day and a half there. 354 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,606 Yeah. This whole thing got us thinking, 355 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,675 maybe we're not ready for kids yet after all. 356 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,578 - We were thinking maybe we'd just get a dog. - Get a puppy! 357 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,914 Can you imagine? You could put it in little human shirts-- 358 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,583 [ Yelling ] Whoa! 359 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,520 - Our movie snack. - Are you kidding me? 360 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,889 All you ever talk about is having kids! 361 00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:33,126 And now you have one little freak-out and you wanna get a dog instead? 362 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,761 No. Unacceptable. 363 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,797 You're gonna turn around, you're gonna go home, get naked, 364 00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,900 lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child. 365 00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:42,669 Right now! 366 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,004 I'm serious! Go! Go! Go! 367 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,941 [ Singsong ] Marshall and Lily got in trouble. 368 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,710 - And you! - Ooh. 369 00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,546 - Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. - [ Gasps ] 370 00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,748 You're gonna go get your money back and give it to charity. 371 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,717 And I don't mean that stripper you keep e-mailing us about, 372 00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:00,019 even though we beg you to take us off that list. 373 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:02,489 I can't give this suit back. 374 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:06,059 Ted, I glow in the dark. I finally glow in the dark. 375 00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:09,162 Criminals of New York, attention! 376 00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,531 This man is wearing a diamond-covered suit! 377 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,800 You can retire on the pants alone! 378 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,902 Merry Christmas! 379 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,205 [ Stammering ] 380 00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:22,642 So, if I get a large popcorn, you wanna go splitskies, or-- 381 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,477 And you. 382 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,180 You did not move to the greatest city on earth... 383 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,981 to become a coin-flipping bimbo. 384 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,583 So here's how it's gonna work. 385 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,086 Heads, you take the job at World Wide News. 386 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,155 Tails, you take the job at World Wide News. 387 00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:36,623 [ Coin Rings ] Ow! 388 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,891 Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig! 389 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,094 Fine. I'll call 'em tomorrow. 390 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,730 I'll call 'em right now! 391 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,232 [ Phone Ringing ] God. 392 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:46,933 [ Beep ] Hello. 393 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,269 - Ted, I can't get married! - Yes, you can! You love her! 394 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,272 You're right. I do. Thanks, Ted! 395 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,514 One for It's a Wonderful Life, please. 396 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,016 [ Men ] * Christmastime is here again * 397 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,418 Thank you. 398 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:10,490 * All this joy for girls and boys * 399 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:14,394 ** [ Continues, Indistinct ] 400 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,600 We're idiots. This kid doesn't stand a chance. 401 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,738 We're ready for this. We're ready for this. 402 00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,377 Wow! 403 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,445 That's a lot of zeros. 404 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,848 You're sure you're not missing a decimal point? Nope. 405 00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:39,486 And that's the tour. Uh, staff meeting's at noon. You'll meet everyone there. 406 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:42,655 But first you need to head down to Security. 407 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:45,192 You need to get your picture taken for your I.D. badge. 408 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,027 * Merry Christmas * 409 00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,197 ** [ Continues, Indistinct ] 410 00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:51,731 You sure? 411 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,733 Positive. 412 00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,971 There's more. Do you still do that thing... 413 00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:01,208 where you give people in need clothes for job interviews? 414 00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,510 Yeah. Why? Bring 'em in, boys. 415 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,779 * Bring out the joy * 416 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:13,186 * Light up the tree * 417 00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,322 Merry Christmas. 418 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,789 Thank you, son. 419 00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:19,626 Son? It's just an expression. I'm still not your dad. 420 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,897 * Merry * 421 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,367 * Christmas ** 422 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,202 [ Camera Shutter Clicks ] 423 00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,703 Congratulations. 424 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:33,706 You know, that was really cool what you did. 425 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:37,176 When we all needed it, you got us back on the right path. 426 00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:39,078 It's what I do. 427 00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:43,115 Ted, if I, um-- if I ever get married-- and you're not the guy I'm marrying-- 428 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,584 Big mistake. But go on. 429 00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:47,320 I could really use someone like you. 430 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:50,122 You know, in case I freak out-- when I freak out. 431 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,458 You interested? 432 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,627 Are you asking what I think you're asking? 433 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,830 Ted, will you be my best man? 434 00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:01,901 Scherbatsky, I'm gonna crush it. 435 00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,205 Let me look at this. Can we not? 436 00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:08,841 How do you even make-- I've never seen you make that face. 437 00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:14,381 Hi there. We've had a lot of fun tonight. 438 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:16,316 But on a more serious note, 439 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:19,486 this is the time of year when we remember the importance of giving. 440 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:23,256 And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty. 441 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,592 So this holiday season, 442 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,127 why not bang someone in need? 443 00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:32,565 I'm Barney Stinson, and that's-- [ Bell Tinkles ] one to grow on. 444 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,601 Um, no. 445 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:39,672 Hi there. You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight.