1 00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:03,971 [ Ted ] And so, due to one architectural oversight, 2 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:09,943 the Toledo bridge disaster of 1906 claimed the lives of 75 people. 3 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,246 Now, I hate to stop while I'm on a roll, 4 00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,148 but happy Halloween, ya crazies! 5 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:15,683 [ Laughing, Whooping ] 6 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,318 Hey, Professor "Bros-by," 7 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,087 you gonna come get beers with us later? 8 00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,488 Nah, I got a thing. 9 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,623 But you kids have fun trick-or-treating. 10 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:26,194 This is our treat. You're the coolest, Professor Mosby. 11 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,396 Well, hot dog. [ Students Laugh ] 12 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,431 - [ Lily ] Did it hurt? - [ Ted ] What? 13 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:34,168 Getting that kid's nose surgically removed from your ass. 14 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:36,604 It's not her nose that's in my ass, Lily. 15 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,038 It's her heart. 16 00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:42,076 My class loves me. I am really makin' an impression on those guys. 17 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,579 I'd like to make an impression on those guys. 18 00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:48,482 Man, I love the office Halloween party. 19 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:51,652 It is so much sluttier than the office Christmas party. 20 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,187 Though, not as freaky... 21 00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:55,123 as the office President's Day rave. 22 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:58,426 Or the office Tu B'shvat pajama jammy-jam. 23 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,129 Hey, guys. Hey, boss. 24 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,863 Hey, Randy. Uh, you want a beer? 25 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,465 Oh, no, thank you. I brew my own. 26 00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:07,668 At the risk of bragging, my hazelnut pilsner won fourth prize... 27 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,537 at the Weehawken Retirement Home Clambake... 28 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:12,106 and Wheelchair Maintenance Picnic. 29 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,975 I wouldn't consider any part of that bragging. 30 00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:16,644 Hey, uh, it just occurred to me. 31 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,180 Is your friend-- What's her name? Gobin, Flabin? 32 00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:20,648 - Robin? - Robin. That's it, yeah. 33 00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,950 Is she comin' tonight? Not that I really care. 34 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:26,920 Robin has another party to go to. Oh, damn it! I'm leaving! 35 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:29,123 Oh, wait. But she might stop by later. 36 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,159 Guess I can hang out a little longer. 37 00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:40,134 So, anyone going to see the, uh, Halloween parade? 38 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:43,103 [ Ted Narrating ] We were big fans of New York's annual Halloween Parade. 39 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:46,507 I don't mean the one that takes place Halloween night in the Village. 40 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:48,742 I mean the one that takes place the morning of November 1-- 41 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:52,079 the Annual Post-Halloween Walk Of Shame Parade. 42 00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:54,114 Look at 'em. 43 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:57,551 Headin' home after their dirty, filthy hookups. 44 00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:01,088 Ooh. Looks like that bee got busy. Ha. 45 00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:04,458 Looks like that French maid didn't turn down somebody's bed. 46 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:08,229 Uh-oh, looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees. 47 00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:09,697 Come on, Marshall. There's a line. 48 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,465 No, it's because that girl-- We get it. 49 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,301 Does it get any better than this? 50 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:17,205 Uh, yes. Yes, it does. 51 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:21,875 [ Groans ] Crap. 52 00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:24,445 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 53 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,781 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 54 00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:34,755 ** [ Ends ] 55 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,626 There she is-- 56 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,729 Florence "Night In Bed With A Stranger." 57 00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:45,266 - So who's the lucky patient? - I don't wanna talk about it. 58 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:48,336 Please tell me you're not hooking up with one of your co-anchors again. 59 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,405 My co-anchor's a woman. Tell me you are hooking up with one of your co-anchors. 60 00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:53,073 [ Ted Narrating ] Robin had always believed... 61 00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,708 that the key to success... 62 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,477 was intelligence, hard work and professionalism. 63 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,712 Her new co-anchor, Becky, had a different philosophy. 64 00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:01,615 Boats! Boats! Boats! 65 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,784 [ Announcer ] It's the Farhampton Boat Show-- 66 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:06,954 Boats! Boats! Boats! 67 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,258 November 5, 6, 7 at the Farhampton Civic Center. 68 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,892 B-B-Boats! 69 00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,594 Come on down! 70 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,663 [ Electronic Effect ] B-B-B-Boats! 71 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:19,633 - You did a commercial? - Why not? 72 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,636 You're a journalist. Don't you want to be taken seriously? 73 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,004 No. I'm cute. 74 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:25,573 Okay, if you really think... 75 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,375 this is going to help your image-- 76 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:30,311 Hi, Becky. Boats, boats, boats. 77 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,481 Robin, little help here. 78 00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,384 Aw. Oh, Robin. 79 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,519 You gotta not worry so much about being liked. 80 00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:41,855 Oh, easy for you to say. Everybody loves you at your job. 81 00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,657 - Mmm. That's true. - [ Ted Narrating ] That was true of my teaching job, 82 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,559 but I was also designing the new headquarters... 83 00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,995 for Goliath National Bank, and, well-- 84 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,365 Ted Mosby, we don't like you! 85 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,166 What do you have to say for yourself, 86 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,768 tearing down a beautiful old building... 87 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,770 just to put up a stupid bank headquarters? 88 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,272 Hmm. 89 00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,909 Boo-freakin'-hoo. 90 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:05,078 - Boo-freakin'-hoo? That's it? - Yeah. 91 00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:09,483 - The Arcadian is an architecturally significant-- - Architecturally significant? 92 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:13,587 Zoey, you're very pretty. Your hair smells great. 93 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,656 Shampoo. You should try it sometime. 94 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:18,225 You don't know the first thing about architecture. 95 00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,961 Key Ted Mosby's car. 96 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,062 Go on. 97 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,697 I'm a professor. Okay? 98 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,300 I teach this stuff at one of the best colleges in the country. 99 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,402 I don't go down to your place of non-employment... 100 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,438 and lecture you about how your little protest... 101 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,306 is a misguided waste of time. 102 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:35,476 Except, whoops-- I just did. Ha! Burn. 103 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,945 - Oh, good, the eggs are here. - Well, I should head up. 104 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,113 [ Ted Narrating ] No, GNB was not popular. 105 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:43,584 That's why every year they produced a feel-good video to improve the bank's image. 106 00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:47,087 [ Male Announcer ] What makes Goliath National Bank different from other big banks? 107 00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:49,156 Here at GNB, we care. 108 00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:52,393 I care about our precious earth. 109 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,364 I care about old people. 110 00:04:57,498 --> 00:05:00,468 I care about high-yield off-shore investments, 111 00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,302 and so does Tugboat here. 112 00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:04,372 Isn't that right, Tugboat? Yeah. 113 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,641 Okay, get that camera outta my face... 114 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,877 before I flip you like a cheese omelet. 115 00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:14,848 All you have to do is say "I care about making dreams come true." 116 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,851 First of all, that line makes me sound like a hooker, 117 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,354 and saying it makes me feel like a hooker. 118 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,857 Everyone is in this video. Randy's in the video. 119 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,159 I don't want to brag, but in 29 takes... 120 00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,928 I only threw up thrice. 121 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,262 Great. 122 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,465 Randy, did you send the Hermanson contracts downtown? 123 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,067 [ Chuckling ] I did. I sent them downtown. 124 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:37,037 Why are you sayin' it like that? They never arrived at the downtown office. 125 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,606 They-- 126 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,340 Just to make sure we're on the same page, 127 00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:45,012 is "send them downtown" not an expression for shredding a document? 128 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,815 - You shredded them? - [ Stammering ] I sent them downtown. 129 00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,583 You know, down into the shredder. 130 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,852 You-You feed the paper in a downwards fashion, 131 00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:53,687 so that's where the expression comes from. 132 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:56,123 That's not an expression! That has never been an expression! 133 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,792 Okay, I can fix this. I am all over this project. 134 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,998 I'll say this. There is no quit in that guy. 135 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,467 You should fire him. 136 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,201 Okay, that-- That right there-- 137 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,471 That attitude is exactly why I won't be in your video, 138 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:12,440 because GNB doesn't care. 139 00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:14,508 They hand out pink slips like they're hors d'oeuvres. 140 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,710 Just last week, I was talking to Arthur. 141 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:19,813 Whoa, whoa. You're wearin' a green tie. No. 142 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,316 - I'm wearin' a green tie. - [ Bell Dings ] 143 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,385 GNB treats people like they're disposable, 144 00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:27,354 and I will not be a part of that. 145 00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:31,592 Marshall Eriksen does not fire people, period. 146 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:36,430 Uh, just want you to know, we are making good progress on this new project. 147 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,432 - [ Phone Rings ] - You gentlemen keep talking. 148 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,333 I will answer that. 149 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,935 Marshall Eriksen's office. 150 00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,772 Yeah, I can get that for you. Just a second. 151 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,977 Uh, "bank." The "B" stands for bank. 152 00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,480 Okay, Mother, I'll see you tonight. 153 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,915 Oh, yikes. I better get Mr. Messy a napkin. 154 00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:02,590 [ Objects Clattering ] 155 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,258 Period! 156 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,294 Just tell me who you slept with. 157 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,096 Lily, I don't want to get into it, okay? 158 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,431 Aha! It's someone we know. 159 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:14,568 If it was some ding-dong we didn't know, you'd just give me his name. 160 00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:18,171 Fine. It's Bill Pepper. 161 00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,708 Bill Pepper? Mm-hmm. 162 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,843 Kind of a coincidence there happens to be... 163 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:25,212 a bill and a pepper shaker here on the table. 164 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:29,349 [ Gasps ] Any chance you and Bill had a three-way with Fork Napkin? 165 00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:32,720 Oh, come on! It's someone we know! 166 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,691 So, I'm assuming you all read the chapters on Greek Revival architecture. 167 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:40,628 -Any questions? -Yes. How do you sleep at night? 168 00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:46,734 What are you doing here? 169 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,636 It was recently made clear to me... 170 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,571 that I don't know the first thing about architecture, 171 00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:53,140 so here I am. 172 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,877 Very well then. Let's get started. 173 00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:59,913 [ Clears Throat ] Some examples of Greek Revival architecture-- 174 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,717 Ooh! Ooh! Is the Arcadian Greek Revival? 175 00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:05,686 No. 176 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:08,155 What's the Arcadian? 177 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,558 Oh, it's just this beautiful old building... 178 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,793 that Professor Mosby wants to tear down. 179 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,529 What? No. Professor Mosby loves old buildings. 180 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,698 He wouldn't do that. Right, Ted? 181 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,802 Getting back to Greek Revival-- 182 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,706 I lost 'em. Look, you're new at teaching. 183 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:30,077 In my kindergarten class, I have had plenty of troublesome students-- 184 00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:32,412 like Johnny Marley. 185 00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:34,548 [ Boy Shouting ] [ Children Laughing ] 186 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:39,319 Johnny! Johnny! 187 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:43,724 He and that little stuffed horsey raised all kinds of hell. 188 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:47,027 But I have a simple method for shuttin' down troublemakers. 189 00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:50,397 You know that '98 Taurus that's always parked outside? 190 00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:52,232 The one with the really annoying alarm? 191 00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:54,301 [ Together, High Voices ] Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! 192 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,502 [ Low Voices ] Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! 193 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:57,771 Ooh-wee! Ooh-wee! Ooh-wee! 194 00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:00,240 Whoo-oop! Whoo-oop! 195 00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,242 Ehh-ehh! Ehh-ehh! 196 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:03,777 We're familiar with it. 197 00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:06,880 Well, when a kid like Johnny acts up in my class-- 198 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,116 [ Johnny Shouting ] [ Children Laughing ] 199 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,418 Wee-ooh! Wee-ooh! Wee-ooh! Wee-ooh! Wee-ooh! 200 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:14,121 Whoo-oop! Whoo-oop! Whoo-oop! 201 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:17,024 Ehh-ehh! Ehh-ehh! Ehh! 202 00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:20,027 Shuts 'em right up. 203 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:23,330 Lily, my students are adults, and I treat them that way. 204 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,266 I'll just give them more candy and make them a mix CD. Problem solved. 205 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,969 Oh, baby, what's wrong? 206 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,673 Something bad happened. 207 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,542 - [ Knocking ] - Randy, hey. Have you seen-- 208 00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:38,545 Before you get to that, regarding the earlier project I was working on-- 209 00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,781 Voilà. 210 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:43,951 - That's the Hermanson contract? - The Hermanson contract? 211 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,987 Aw, man, this is the Filbert contract. 212 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,156 Damn it! No-- 213 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:50,924 Anyway, what's your thing? 214 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,860 I need the Filbert contract! 215 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,828 No! 216 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:59,299 Well, I'll do what I can, 217 00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:03,603 but in my experience, twice shredded is fairly permanent. 218 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,740 I'm sorry, Randy, 219 00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,608 but this just isn't working out. 220 00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:10,543 Marshall popped his cherry! 221 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,079 [ Cork Pops ] Oh! 222 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:15,115 Come on, Marshall. You have to admit, the guy was a disaster. 223 00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:17,350 I mean, it reflected badly on the company. 224 00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:21,421 He was an embarrassment, a huge embarrassment. 225 00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:23,824 You slept with Randy! [ Gasps ] 226 00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:28,161 - What? - Why, it's elementary, my dear "Scherbatson." 227 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,597 Your co-host is getting super popular... 228 00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,432 because of her stupid commercial-- 229 00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,001 Boats! Boats! Boats! 230 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,937 so when you arrived at the GNB party after we left, 231 00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:39,707 you were feeling vulnerable... and drunk. 232 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:43,677 Then, from across the not-so-crowded conference room, 233 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,713 your eyes met. 234 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:51,952 And as we all remember, 235 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,287 Randy has a unique condition. 236 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,824 Yeah, your nose is bleeding like a faucet. 237 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:59,159 Oh, God. This happens every time I get an erection. 238 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,728 I am so sorry. 239 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,933 That's... 240 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,769 exactly what happened. 241 00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,271 See, Marshall? 242 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:14,307 If getting fired is an execution, at least the guy had a last meal. 243 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:17,110 - Oh, my God. - I promise you, tomorrow you'll feel a lot better. 244 00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:21,081 Randy. Hey, what's goin' on? 245 00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,550 I just wanted to say no hard feelings. 246 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,652 [ Sighs ] Thank you. 247 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,320 So where are you headed now? 248 00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,059 Downtown. 249 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,194 [ Whirring ] 250 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,797 No! 251 00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:39,399 - [ Gasps ] - It's okay, baby. 252 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:42,369 [ Ted Narrating ] It wasn't okay, so the next morning-- 253 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,972 Arthur, I'm here because I made a mistake. 254 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,274 - I fired Randy yesterday. - That was a mistake. 255 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,109 You should have fired him a year ago. 256 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,979 No. Sir, that is what's wrong with this company. 257 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,347 How can we say GNB cares... 258 00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,716 and then turn around and treat someone like that? 259 00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:59,753 I mean, sure, he made a few mistakes, but everybody makes mistakes. 260 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,823 Like-Like, Tugboat here. Awww. 261 00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,591 I bet you he's made some mistakes, 262 00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:07,060 and you didn't fire Tugboat, did you? 263 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:09,496 No, I got him fixed, and he calmed down. 264 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,298 Exactly. Kind of. 265 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,601 Randy doesn't need to be fired. He needs to be fixed. 266 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,905 Marshall, we do some pretty bad things around here, but I don't-- 267 00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:21,141 No, sir. I'm saying instead of getting rid of someone when they screw up, 268 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:24,044 we should-- we should help them. 269 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:27,447 We should nurture them. Hmm? 270 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:35,455 I changed the ice pack on his crotch every hour for three days. 271 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:40,427 Wow. Eriksen, if you want to un-fire Randy, I support you. 272 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,462 Because to come in here and say what you just said, 273 00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:45,198 well, you-- you got a couple things that Tugboat doesn't. 274 00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:49,202 [ Students Shouting ] 275 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:52,906 Guys, Prof Rock is a really good mix, okay? 276 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,308 A piece of New York history is being torn down, 277 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:59,546 - and all you could say was "boo-freakin'-hoo"? - Boo-f-- 278 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:03,316 I may have mentioned our conversation over a session of hacky sack. 279 00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:07,120 The one day I miss the sack circle, you guys sub her in? 280 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:10,657 Why'd you miss? Too busy tearing down the Statue of Liberty? 281 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:15,695 No. I was returning a hot dog costume that you all enjoyed. 282 00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:17,597 [ Shouting ] 283 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,532 [ Ted Narrating ] They were all turning against me, 284 00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:21,368 so I figured, what the hell. 285 00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,842 [ High Voice ] Woo-woo! Woo-woo! Woo-woo! Woo-woo! 286 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,443 [ Low Voice ] Woo-woo-woo! 287 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,045 Woo-wooo! Woo-wooo! Woo-wooo! 288 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:34,982 Whoo-oop! Whoo-oop! 289 00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:36,683 And... did it work? 290 00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,685 Gangbusters. We're buddies again. 291 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:42,389 After class, we hacked a little sack to the thumpin' strains of my Prof Rock CD. 292 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,791 And, no, none of them had heard the Pixies' B-side. 293 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:48,428 Actually, none of them had heard of the Pixies... or a B-side. 294 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:49,997 Hey, guys. Uh-oh. 295 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,099 I know that smile. 296 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:55,002 Lily, there's no easy way to say this. Marshall's dead. 297 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,669 Randy murdered him. 298 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:59,106 No. I know why Randy is smiling. 299 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,841 You're smiling because of Robin. 300 00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:05,012 Robin? Like, how I think about her when I'm in the shower? 301 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,914 I'm tryin' to eat here, buddy. 302 00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,849 No. Because you slept with her on Halloween. 303 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,751 What? No. 304 00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,955 I went home, had a shower and went to bed. 305 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:17,190 - You didn't sleep with her? - No. 306 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:20,660 Even in the shower, the farthest we ever get is hugging. 307 00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:23,296 So why are you smiling? 308 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,831 I'll tell you why. 309 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,100 This just isn't working out. 310 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,602 [ Thinking ] I'm fired. Great. 311 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:33,373 This is the Candle Kiosk at the mall all over again. 312 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,208 Wait a minute. 313 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,077 I get a severance check. 314 00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:41,881 If I don't shred it, I could use that money to start my own brewery. 315 00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:44,517 Imagine a beer with my name on it. 316 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:48,221 Randy Wharmpess, this is the best day of your life. 317 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,325 Thanks to that severance check, 318 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,996 this time next year, you'll all be enjoying a frothy mug of Wharmpess. 319 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:57,931 Randy, great news. 320 00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,666 You're not fired. 321 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,637 No! 322 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,977 Good morning, everybody. 323 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,814 Where's my class? 324 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:17,417 [ Crowd Booing ] 325 00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,719 Hello, Professor. 326 00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,654 Ha! Burn. 327 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:28,228 I got you your job back, Randy. 328 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:31,164 - I thought that you'd be happy. - But I don't belong here. 329 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:34,001 I'm born to be a brewer, a hops meister! 330 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,103 Well, then quit. No one's stoppin' you. 331 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,105 I can't. I need my severance check. 332 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:41,708 - Well, I'm sorry, Randy, but that's called fraud. - It's not fraud. 333 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,577 I'm just asking you to give me a lot of money to not work here... 334 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,279 and not tell anyone about it. 335 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,815 Even if I wanted to fire you, after my talk with Arthur-- 336 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:51,018 Oh, come on. Arthur can't remember that. 337 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:53,820 Marshall, what a memorable talk we had yesterday. 338 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:56,889 Randy, on behalf of everyone at GNB, 339 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,659 both in and out of prison, we're sorry. 340 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:02,362 And I want to assure you, you'll never be fired again. 341 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:05,999 You're gonna work here until you die. Huh? Huh? 342 00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,668 Uh-- Green tie? [ Clears Throat ] 343 00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:11,938 Uh, nice choice. Thanks. Brings out my eyes. 344 00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,307 Yeah. I'll bring out your eyes. 345 00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,110 Listen, Randy, I'm sorry, 346 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:20,113 but I broke my own moral code once, and I felt evil. 347 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,349 I will not let GNB change me. 348 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:26,453 I will never fire anyone again, ever! 349 00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:29,556 [ Chuckling ] Oh, we'll see about that. 350 00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:32,892 ** [ Chorus Vocalizing, Sinister ] 351 00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:35,228 Anyhoo, while I got ya, big smile. 352 00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:38,798 "We care about making dreams come true." In three, two-- 353 00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:40,733 No! 354 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,736 - What are you doing? - Oh, are you unhappy with my performance? 355 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:46,639 I guess I'm fired then. I better turn in my I.D. 356 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,209 You know, it's actually, um, 357 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,044 nice having some of this clutter off my desk, 358 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,579 so thank you, Randy. 359 00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:58,785 Yeah, there's more. 360 00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,856 I don't know what I'm gonna use this for, but it's great! 361 00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,393 Now am I fired? 362 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:10,297 I've been meaning to clean out that file cabinet for ages. 363 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,799 I'm not even here. [ Whispering ] Randy, the coffee. 364 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:17,937 Oh! Okay. Okay. 365 00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,639 Thank you, Randy. 366 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,041 I've been meaning to cut back on my caffeine. 367 00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:24,211 Here, try this. Now really go for it. 368 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,246 Remember, this guy ruined your life. 369 00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:35,388 That's just the pick-me-up I needed. 370 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,490 Speaking of pickups, can we try the first one again? 371 00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,162 [ Cell Phone Rings ] [ Beeps ] 372 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:43,763 - Hello? - It didn't work. 373 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,233 They hate me. How do I get them to like me again? 374 00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:48,601 You don't. Ted, you're their teacher. 375 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:51,904 - The only people that like their teachers-- - I liked my teachers. 376 00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,673 are dorks. 377 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,108 Except for you, Miles. 378 00:17:57,444 --> 00:18:00,247 Look, Ted, you just have to learn to embrace their hatred, 379 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:03,250 because behind that hatred lies fear. 380 00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,485 And you can use that fear... 381 00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,420 like I did with Johnny Marley. 382 00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:10,723 - Was there more to that story? - Little bit. 383 00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:26,139 [ Screams ] 384 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,808 [ Scream Echoing ] 385 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:31,478 Lily, you're a psychopath. 386 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,045 Little bit. 387 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,848 Aw, a panda. 388 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,286 [ Ted Narrating ] I thought about Lily's advice, 389 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,721 and I figured fear was worth a try. 390 00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:47,260 Well, Professor Mosby, is there anything you want to say to us? 391 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:51,331 Anyone not in class tomorrow gets an "F." 392 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,668 You said that? 393 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,537 Well, technically, they'd get an incomplete, 394 00:18:57,604 --> 00:19:01,140 but I thought "F" had a nice scary ring to it, right? 395 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:02,442 Hey, guys. Hey. 396 00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:05,245 Robin, who'd you sleep with? I told you. Randy. 397 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,113 He was... a machine. 398 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:10,483 Mm-hmm. Where's the poop, Robin? 399 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,420 [ Sighs ] Fine. I didn't sleep with anyone. 400 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:17,257 The thing is, ever since Becky did that commercial, everyone at work loves her. 401 00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:20,827 So the day after Halloween, I was in a commercial. 402 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,595 What? Why didn't you tell us? 403 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,565 [ Male Announcer ] Bladder trouble-- 404 00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:29,602 it's embarrassing, it's uncomfortable, and it can affect anyone. 405 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,272 I'm going to the bathroom right now. 406 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:34,641 Neat & Discreet Adult Diapers-- 407 00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,008 for anyone. 408 00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:38,110 Say... 409 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,713 "Ahh." 410 00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,983 [ Bell Tinkles ] 411 00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:46,419 [ Laughing ] [ Laughing ] Wow. 412 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,621 I can't wait to see it. 413 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,291 Hopefully you never will. They said that they might not even use it. 414 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:52,925 [ Ted Narrating ] It ran for seven years. 415 00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,594 [ Chattering ] 416 00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:57,264 Okay, you win. 417 00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,233 Maybe trashin' your office was a mistake. 418 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,335 It's just, uh, 419 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:05,538 as long as I can remember, making beer has been my dream. 420 00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,575 Wharmpess? 421 00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:15,448 I know it sounds dumb to someone who's already achieved his dream-- 422 00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,450 big-time lawyer at a huge corporation. 423 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,852 You think working here is my dream? 424 00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,988 Of course. 425 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,657 Anyways, I'll clean this stuff up, 426 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,893 have someone get that dead squirrel out of your desk. 427 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:32,399 Randy? 428 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,401 This is delicious. 429 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,470 You're fired. 430 00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,709 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, the next morning, 431 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:46,313 my class had the highest attendance ever. 432 00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:48,114 And not long after that, 433 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,950 Randy used his severance money to start a little brewery. 434 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:54,754 Now you can have a Wharmpess at every bar in America. 435 00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:56,289 And all because-- 436 00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:59,826 I care about making dreams come true. 437 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,529 Got what you need? 438 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,731 [ Barney ] Yep. That's a wrap.