1 00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:04,638 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, there are two big days in any love story-- 2 00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,840 the day you meet the girl of your dreams... 3 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,576 and the day you marry her. 4 00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:11,712 ** [ Rock Ballad ] 5 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,734 [ Man ] * Let it roll across the floor * 6 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,373 * Through the hall and out the door * 7 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,378 Nice. Where'd you get this? ** [ Continues, Indistinct ] 8 00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,914 Stashed a cooler behind the pulpit. 9 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,417 Beer be with you. And also with you. 10 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,553 Mmm. 11 00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:55,389 This is what church has been missing. Dude, you fixed church. 12 00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,725 Yeah. You're welcome, God. [ Chuckles ] 13 00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:00,861 Nervous? What? No. 14 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,863 I'm just hopin' it doesn't rain. 15 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,765 Why, do I look nervous? 16 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,267 Look at your beer, dude. 17 00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:08,302 You always do that when you're nervous. 18 00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:11,672 ** [ Background: Rock ] 19 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:15,008 [ Sighs ] It's a sad day in New York, Ted. 20 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,610 A sad day indeed. 21 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:19,247 Do you know what I saw on my way in here? 22 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,916 A girl... in a sweater. 23 00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,885 And you know what that means. 24 00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:27,988 The season of exposed skin is over. 25 00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:29,823 Exactly! 26 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,359 Gone are the tank tops, Ted. 27 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,227 Gone are the cute little skirts. 28 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:37,097 Gone are the sundresses? The sundresses, Ted! 29 00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:40,268 I don't think I can make it another eight months with no sundresses. 30 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,236 Barney, I really-- I have to grade these papers. 31 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,638 I'm sorry. I'll let you work. 32 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,340 But first a riddle. 33 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:50,644 What piece of women's attire most stokes a man's desire? 34 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:53,181 A sundress. Correct. 35 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,750 What lightweight outfit, pink or white, 36 00:01:56,817 --> 00:02:00,388 makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight? 37 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,890 I really have to get this done. Of course. Of course. 38 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,425 Thank you. 39 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,960 Sundress, by the way. Mm-hmm. 40 00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:09,297 Hey, hey. 41 00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,832 What are you nervous about? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. 42 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:14,635 What flowing cotton frock-- Okay! I'll tell you. 43 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:16,370 Just-- There's a-- 44 00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,608 There's a girl sitting at the bar. 45 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,310 Oh! Don't look. 46 00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:24,578 Wah. I wanna see a pretty girl. 47 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,380 Okay, you can look. But just-- just-- 48 00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:29,917 Just be cool, for once. Oh. I'll be cool. 49 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:40,194 Aw, Ted. You got your beer label in a bunch over nothin'. 50 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,396 Listen to your Uncle Barney. 51 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:45,132 You have no reason to be nervous. 52 00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:46,734 None whatsoever. 53 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,170 And I'm gonna tell you why in one word. 54 00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,105 And what's that word? Dibs. 55 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:52,906 [ Mutters ] 56 00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,476 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 57 00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:58,812 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 58 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,819 ** [ Ends ] 59 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:08,522 You can't call dibs on a girl I've been sitting here thinking about, 60 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,591 maybe talking to eventually at some point. 61 00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:13,994 You never called dibs. Dibs were implied. 62 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,330 Implied dibs? Yeah. 63 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,466 Ted, you are spitting on the grave... 64 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,669 of Sir Walter Dibs, inventor of the dib. 65 00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,304 It was 1652. 66 00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,005 The S.S. Dibs was lost at sea-- 67 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:28,576 Look, I don't have time for a fake history lesson, so I'll keep this simple. 68 00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:31,679 You go over there and talk to that girl, I will see you in court. 69 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,914 And who's gonna represent you? Dibs on Marshall as my lawyer! 70 00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:36,284 Damn it! Ha, ha! Where is Marshall anyway? 71 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,719 [ Ted Narrating ] Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily had recently decided... 72 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,588 to take a swing at starting a family. 73 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,956 Tonight was their first at bat. 74 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,426 I'm almost ready to leave. Let's just go through the checklist. 75 00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,461 - Candles? - Check. 76 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,530 Music to set the mood? 77 00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,432 ** [ Soft Jazz ] Check. 78 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,801 Music for when we're actually doing it. 79 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,804 ** [ Banjo: Country ] Check. 80 00:03:58,306 --> 00:04:00,341 You know what? To hell with your dibs. 81 00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,343 I'm goin' over there right now and talking to her. 82 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,144 Oh, yeah? Yeah? Be my guest. 83 00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:05,746 Fall in love with her. Get married. 84 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,648 Just know this. When I step up... 85 00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:10,183 to make my toast as your best man-- 86 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,321 - Actually, Marshall will probably be my best man. - As your best man! 87 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,222 Ladies and gentlemen, 88 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:18,626 I... had dibs. 89 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,961 - [ Man ] No! - [ People Gasping ] 90 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:24,732 Tell me this isn't true. I-- I had implied dibs. 91 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:25,966 Oh! 92 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:28,802 The way you've humiliated me! 93 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,505 I had no idea. You have to know that. 94 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:34,207 Shh. Shh. You're the victim here. 95 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,109 We both are. 96 00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:38,111 Let's get outta here. [ Whimpers ] 97 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,847 Or we could just do it right here. 98 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,249 We could just do it right here. Let's do it, baby. 99 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:44,184 [ Both Moaning ] 100 00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:48,021 Fine. Have at it. Exercise your dibs. 101 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,924 She's got her shields up anyway. She's readin' a book. 102 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,660 Yeah, at a bar. 103 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,462 That book might as well be called... 104 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,464 Are You There, Barney? It's Me, Horny. 105 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:59,800 That is not what "shields up" looks like. 106 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,869 That is what "shields up" looks like. 107 00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,006 Move! God! 108 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,911 Hey, what's up, dudes? 109 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,846 Fries? 110 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,148 Oh, good God, woman. You're a disgrace. 111 00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:17,184 No fries for this guy. [ Snorts ] 112 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,086 Robin, seriously, I love you, 113 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,122 but it's like you have squiggly cartoon odor lines... 114 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,757 coming off of you right now. 115 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:24,758 What? 116 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,694 Know what, Barney? Just cut her some slack. 117 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,796 She just went through a breakup. Thank you, Ted. 118 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,564 With hygiene? 119 00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,332 [ Ted Narrating ] No, with Don. 120 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,934 You see, a few months earlier-- 121 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,737 Here. Have some tea. Thanks. 122 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,473 Robin, I am here for you. Whatever you need. 123 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:42,743 Okay. Um, about that, Ted. 124 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,512 Listen. 125 00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:46,480 I know myself pretty well, 126 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,149 and, um, sometime over the next few months, 127 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,918 I'm gonna want to sleep with you. 128 00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:54,087 And when that happens, you have to try to say no. 129 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,757 Try? I will absolutely say no. 130 00:05:56,824 --> 00:06:00,227 Our friendship is too important. [ Chuckles ] Oh. 131 00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,129 Okay. Maybe I wasn't clear enough. 132 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:06,166 Um, I will come at you with everything I've got. 133 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:10,103 I will stalk you like the lioness stalks the gazelle-- 134 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:13,206 careful, patient, deadly. 135 00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:16,944 And if you let your guard down for so much as a second, 136 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:21,615 as sure as you were born, I will hump your brains out. 137 00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,819 [ Robin Crying ] 138 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,389 Okay, I'm ready to have sex now. 139 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:35,729 It was a tough summer, but I think our girl's been a real trouper. 140 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,465 She's-- 141 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:42,169 Is this a Cheeto? No, we ran out of Cheetos last week. 142 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,205 Oh, yeah. It's a Cheeto. Dibs. 143 00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,307 Oh, you're exquisite. 144 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:49,409 You must let me paint you. 145 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:50,978 Hey, Robin. What do you think? 146 00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,880 The girl sitting at the bar-- shields up? 147 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,716 Mmm. Totes, toots. She's here on a date. 148 00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:58,118 She brought the book because she got here early, 149 00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,888 and she also wants to impress the guy she's meeting. 150 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,891 Girls like to come across all classy and smart, you know? 151 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,028 This, what you're doin' right now-- 152 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,930 I'm getting a de-rection. 153 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,033 Hey! How'd it go? 154 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,135 You pregnant yet? Nope. 155 00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,637 Okay. So here's what happened. 156 00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:18,872 I was at home waiting for Marshall. 157 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,875 Hey, how was your day? Don't answer. No time. Look-- 158 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,877 Um, bedroom. No, no. No time. 159 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,146 Look-- Floor. No. No time. Against this wall! 160 00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:29,650 Marshall, whoa! Wait! A big package just arrived. 161 00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,785 Yeah, it did. No, no. 162 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,987 It's a real package from your dad. 163 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:38,191 Well, that's a little weird, but, yeah, it is. Marshall, look! 164 00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:45,132 A bassinet? Oh, my-- He must've made it in his woodshop. 165 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,568 Wasn't that sweet of him? 166 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:51,171 Lil? Isn't that sweet? 167 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,841 Lily? 168 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:56,977 You told your dad we're trying to have a baby? 169 00:07:57,044 --> 00:08:00,548 Of course I did. I tell my dad everything. My dad is my best friend. 170 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,015 [ Ted, Barney ] Oh! 171 00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:05,485 Lily, we have been looking forward... 172 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:08,756 to this magical, special night for two weeks now. 173 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,659 And, sweetie, during that time, I have been, um-- 174 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,828 How do I put this delicately? 175 00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:18,966 Savin' all my love for you. 176 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:23,871 I have read 11 books on conception. 177 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:27,274 I have cut out alcohol, caffeine and sugar. 178 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,276 I take my temperature every hour. 179 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,245 But good for you for not playing with yourself. 180 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,514 [ Sighs ] 181 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,917 - I feel ya, buddy. - Ah! No, don't even touch me, dude. 182 00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,986 It's been like-- It's been two weeks. 183 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:42,389 I'm, like, a light breeze away from havin' a big problem. 184 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:43,957 I'm seriously-- 185 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,995 Okay. I'm better now. 186 00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,099 Okay, Barney. What's this gonna cost me? 187 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:54,301 - Excuse me? - Your dibs. I wanna buy your dibs. 188 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:58,572 $250,000. 189 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,140 Twenty bucks. 190 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,711 But-- Can I go smell her first? 191 00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,512 - No. - Fine. 192 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:08,849 All right. Wish me luck. 193 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:14,354 [ Ted Narrating ] Now, kids, remember how I told you about a girl named Cindy-- 194 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:18,025 how I went on one date with her and it ended badly? Get out. 195 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,293 - Well-- - [ Woman ] How are you? 196 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,629 Good. 197 00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:26,533 What the hell are you doing? 198 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,003 That girl she's talking to-- I dated her. 199 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,539 Ooh. That sucks. 200 00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:34,141 And dibs. 201 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,481 So you went on one date with one of her friends. 202 00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,684 It's not necessarily a big deal. 203 00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:46,119 I mean, did it end on bad terms? 204 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,621 Um-- 205 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,757 Oh, hi, Cindy. 206 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,224 [ Mimicking ] Oh, hi, Cindy! [ Raspberry ] 207 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,562 Yikes. 208 00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,464 Well, I guess you just gotta move on. 209 00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:00,768 It's not like you have a shot with Reading McGee over there, right? 210 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,136 Ted? 211 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,872 [ Ted Narrating ] Then I remembered. 212 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,607 Cindy had a roommate-- 213 00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:09,710 a roommate I only caught a glimpse of. 214 00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:15,783 But a roommate who, by every indication, was something very special. 215 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,786 Was it possible? 216 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:21,321 Could this be the girl attached to that ankle? 217 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,760 I gotta see her ankles. 218 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,628 You're one of those? 219 00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,899 God, I swear! One in five guys. 220 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,935 Lily, we kinda had a plan tonight, remember? 221 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,570 Candles, banjo-- Who else did you tell? 222 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,173 Did you tell anyone at the office? 223 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,441 Um-- 224 00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,110 [ Exhales ] 225 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:48,581 Shannon, start the music. 226 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:52,319 ** [ High-energy Rock ] [ Cheering ] 227 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:55,255 Can you dig it! 228 00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,126 Take it to the hole, Eriksen! 229 00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,428 [ Man ] Sink that putt, big buzz! 230 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,463 Put a pillow under her lower back. [ Elevator Bell Dings ] 231 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:06,199 It helps facilitate conception, bro. 232 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,135 [ Cheering Continues ] 233 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,839 Yeah! [ Cheering Louder ] 234 00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:16,643 I may have mentioned it in passing to a couple of colleagues at work. 235 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,746 I'm sorry about that. But you know what? 236 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,647 I gotta be able to tell my dad. 237 00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,950 Your dad is the last person you should tell. 238 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,652 The man is too involved in our lives. 239 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,488 It's like every time the phone rings-- 240 00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,223 [ Rings ] Hello. 241 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,792 Lily! Marvin Eriksen. 242 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:34,627 - I noticed you hadn't changed your last name yet. - Oh, no. I'm gonna-- 243 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,931 So, don't worry. I called the D.M.V. I called your AmEx. 244 00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:40,567 - I got that process started for ya. - But-- 245 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,836 [ Rings ] Hello. 246 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,471 Lily. Marvin Eriksen. 247 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,974 I understand you and Marshall have been fighting. 248 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,542 Let me tell you what works for me and the missus-- 249 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,212 frilly French undies and a box of wine. 250 00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,882 [ Rings ] Hello? 251 00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,917 You might wanna try pickles on that sandwich. 252 00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,288 Pickles would have helped that sandwich! 253 00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,423 The man has no boundaries. 254 00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:06,593 I-I just can't procreate under these conditions. 255 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:10,297 Yeah, well, you know what? I've already told him, so the damage is done. 256 00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,766 So call him and tell him we decided not to have a baby. 257 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,501 [ Wheezing Laugh ] Okay. 258 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,170 So you just-- you want me to give my dad a stroke? 259 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,107 [ Mimicking Laugh ] Only if you wanna give this a stroke. 260 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:23,844 That's ridiculous. Lily, there's no way that I would ever-- 261 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,850 Okay, everyone needs to shut up so that I can think! 262 00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,986 Uh-oh. They're talkin' to a guy now. 263 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,988 What kinda guy? A cheesy guy or a cool guy? 264 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,590 Oh, a cheesy guy. Don't worry. 265 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,960 Aw, man. That guy is cool. 266 00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:41,962 His hair's all cool. He's got a cool belt. 267 00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:44,097 What-- That guy is cheesy. 268 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:47,500 And if you think he's not cheesy, then you're cheesy too. 269 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:51,104 And now I want something cheesy. Who's feeling nachos? 270 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,606 Oh, look at you, Robin. You're jealous. 271 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:55,876 Jealous? Yeah, jealous. 272 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,778 'Cause she's got it, and you've lost it. 273 00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,914 [ Scoffs ] I have not lost it. 274 00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,916 Ya lost it. I still have it. 275 00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,819 I mean, I know exactly where it is, 276 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,788 and I can go get it whenever I want. 277 00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:11,524 Robin, girls are like cartons of milk. 278 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:15,595 Each one has a hotness expiration date, and you've hit yours. 279 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,231 I'm not sayin' the occasional guy won't still open the fridge, 280 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,834 pick you up, give a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway, 281 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,836 but it's all downhill from here. 282 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,872 I don't have to take this. 283 00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,541 But I do have to take this. 284 00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:32,479 Okay. So you just want me to call my dad... 285 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:34,581 and tell him that we're not havin' a baby? 286 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,783 That's about the size of it. 287 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:40,553 Okay. Out of curiosity, when do we tell him about the baby? 288 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:43,623 We'll tell him about the baby when there's a baby to tell him about. 289 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,592 So he just gets no notice? 290 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,595 He just walks into his boss's office and says, 291 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,098 "I just had a grandson. I'm gonna be out for three months." 292 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:54,267 Out for three months? Yeah. 293 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,971 He and my mom are coming to live with us when the baby's born. 294 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,573 We talked about this. No, we didn't. 295 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,675 I meant me and my dad. 296 00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:06,013 You know what, Marshall? Why don't you have a baby with your dad? 297 00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,981 Oh, okay, Lily. 298 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,250 Why don't you have a baby with your butt? 299 00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:12,119 - What? - [ Angry Grunt ] 300 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,254 I can't think straight! 301 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:16,623 Why do you have to wear that shirt? 302 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:20,227 This is not how I thought this night was going to go! 303 00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,130 [ Shouts ] 304 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:28,035 Ted? 305 00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,976 Oh, God. This sucks. Do you think she saw me? 306 00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:39,146 - Hi, Ted. - Yeah, she definitely saw you. 307 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,648 Can I see you for a minute, in private? 308 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,750 Yeah. Yeah. Sure. 309 00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:46,653 I mean, how could that not be fun? 310 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:51,591 If I don't come back, tell my mom I love her. 311 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,927 Okay. Will do. And dibs. 312 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,331 Barney, am I crazy? 313 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,667 Marshall talks to his dad way too much, right? 314 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:04,037 Oh. You don't want my opinion on that. Why not? 315 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,539 If I had my dad's number, 316 00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:09,109 I would never not be on the phone with him. 317 00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:11,011 Wow, that was really-- 318 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,013 Whoa! A hottie with a body. 319 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,015 [ Blubbering ] Boing! 320 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,484 - Brief. - No, Lily, look. 321 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,956 [ Barney ] You saucy little minx. 322 00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,125 You sundressed up. 323 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,164 Hi. [ Chuckles ] Fourteen seconds. 324 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,166 Fourteen seconds, and already... 325 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,636 some ding-dong is steppin' up, thinkin' he can get some of this broke off. 326 00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,105 Ho! 327 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:41,108 I... still... got... it! 328 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:46,179 All right, buddy. You proved my point. Now scram. 329 00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:49,082 Nice belt, by the way. 330 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,921 Hi. Wow. Robin, you do look super hot. 331 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:57,290 Oh, do I? Yeah, you do. 332 00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,592 Thanks. 333 00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,197 [ Ted Narrating ] I braced myself for what was next-- 334 00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,733 rage, fury, a savage beating. 335 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,670 Oh. Thank you, Ted. 336 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:14,207 After things didn't work out with us, I got really sad for a while, 337 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:17,044 but then I realized you're not what I wanted, Ted, 338 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,811 and I'm not what you wanted. 339 00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:22,482 I'm sorry I was such a jerk. I feel like I should make it up to you somehow. 340 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:25,152 You know, buy you a beer or Yankees tickets. 341 00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,154 Or set me up with one of your friends. [ Laughs ] 342 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:29,056 I'm kidding. That would be weird. 343 00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,890 No, it wouldn't. It wouldn't, would it? 344 00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:34,494 Any one of those three. Whichever's easiest and right nearby. 345 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:37,597 And not the beer. I should get back. 346 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:40,367 Totally. Come say good-bye before you leave. 347 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:43,336 [ Chuckles ] "Say good-bye before you leave"? 348 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:45,004 Her words exactly. Hmm. 349 00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:48,441 Dude, you are so in. That is so awesome. 350 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,378 A high five doesn't even cut it. High six! 351 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,213 [ Murmurs ] 352 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,014 - She didn't see us high-six, did she? - No. 353 00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:58,017 Good. That was pretty lame. Yeah. Let's never do that again. 354 00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,988 Marshall. What? Lily, what? 355 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:05,058 Are there more members of my family that you wanna crap all over? 356 00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,426 Here's the thing. [ Cell Phone Rings ] 357 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:09,362 I'm sorry. Hold on. Just-- [ Ringing ] 358 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,231 It's my dad. 359 00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:13,733 Lily, it's my dad, okay? 360 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,170 I love him! And if he calls me, I'm gonna answer the phone. 361 00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:20,773 [ Rings ] Hey, Dad. 362 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,343 Hey, hey! I-I know it's late, but I just had to call. 363 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,011 - How'd it go? - Dad, this isn't-- 364 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,980 Did you do everything the book said? Did you put the pillow under her back? 365 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,983 - Dad, I'm in the middle of somethin' right now. - Did it feel like a boy? 366 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,852 - Huh? You can tell. - [ Cell Phone Beeps ] 367 00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,854 He's insane. 368 00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,490 My dad is insane. 369 00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,128 I'm so sorry, Lily. 370 00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,096 He's just-- 371 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:49,402 He's so, um, enthusiastic. 372 00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,304 It's ridiculous, you know. 373 00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:53,240 Like, who's like that? 374 00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:56,176 You. 375 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,845 You're like that. 376 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:03,082 You and your dad both care so much. 377 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:07,654 It's-- It's why women fall in love with the Eriksen men to begin with. 378 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:12,825 But right now, it's a lot of pressure. 379 00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:16,463 Baby, I'm not tryin' to pressure you one bit. What if I can't have a baby? 380 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,032 That could happen. 381 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,702 I could totally let you down. 382 00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:26,406 Has that thought not occurred to you? 383 00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:29,676 ** [ Acoustic Guitar: Alt Rock ] Not even for one second. 384 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,581 [ Exhales ] 385 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,716 Not having a baby would suck, 386 00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:41,854 but the idea of you letting me down-- 387 00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,856 that's impossible. 388 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,860 That would be like aliens landing. 389 00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:52,532 That's a bad example, because that could happen. 390 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:55,768 It probably already has. I saw this, uh, episode-- 391 00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,173 [ Man ] * It had been filled in * 392 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,210 All right. I'm doin' this. * With rusty nails and then * 393 00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,445 I am goin' over there. 394 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,481 * You finally knew that you were lost * 395 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,753 * But no one thought you were a fool * 396 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,455 Wish me luck. 397 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,659 * Even though everyone knew * 398 00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,494 [ Ted Narrating ] Nothing in this life quite compares... 399 00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:25,565 to the sweet, terrifying exhilaration of making your move-- 400 00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:28,868 when you just put it all on the line and go for it. 401 00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:31,704 And that night, by golly, 402 00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:33,640 Cindy went for it. 403 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:47,887 [ Shutter Clicks ] 404 00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,825 So, no, that girl wasn't your mother. 405 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,027 She ended up being someone else's mother. 406 00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:57,196 In fact, they both did. 407 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:59,366 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 408 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:04,271 * Never stopped to notice all * 409 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,876 Like I said, she's here on a date. 410 00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:12,044 [ Ted Narrating ] That was not the day I met your mother. 411 00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:15,782 The day I met your mother was the day of a wedding. 412 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,485 Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous. 413 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,653 Dude, it's just a wedding toast. I know. 414 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,556 I want it to be great, you know? I want this whole day to be great. 415 00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:27,226 - It will be. - Best man? You're being summoned. 416 00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:32,399 Oh, geez. What now? Ted, seriously, relax. Everything's f-- 417 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,667 Okay. And it's raining. Yeah. You were saying? 418 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,036 You didn't happen to bring an umbrella, did you? 419 00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,506 No, I didn't bring an umbrella. 420 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,974 * Let it roll * 421 00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,910 * Let it roll ** 422 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,649 I mean, everyone told us that it might take a while, 423 00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:53,286 but we thought we might be the exception of the rule. 424 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,322 Anyways, we're getting back on that horse. 425 00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:58,291 I mean, feelin' good about the future. 426 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,362 Obviously, this goes without saying, 427 00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,497 but you won't tell Lily about any of this, right? 428 00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:07,734 No! No! Of course not.