1 00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:04,438 OLDER TED: Kids, your Aunt Lily has always been 2 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,307 one of those people who loves their birthday. Loves it. 3 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:07,508 (BEEPING) 4 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,343 It's my birthday! 5 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,384 So it's a good thing she married Marshall. 6 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:18,286 (BEEPING) 7 00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:22,223 It's still my birthday! 8 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,358 Because he loves planning birthdays. 9 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:27,695 Feliz Cumpleanos, baby. 10 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:32,833 The theme of today's birthday breakfast in bed is Spanish Interlude. 11 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,368 (SPANISH MUSIC PLAYING) 12 00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:35,536 Yay! 13 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,140 It's, uh... 14 00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:43,111 How on Earth did we end up in the lyrical rolling hills of Northern Spain? 15 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,678 Yay! 16 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,415 Baby, tonight is gonna be so much fun. 17 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,517 Just the five of us, black-tie dinner, 18 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,119 and Ted is picking up your favorite 19 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,286 cognac pumpkin cheesecake from Edgar's. 20 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,455 Yay! 21 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:57,291 Okay. I am off to run your super secret birthday errand. 22 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,392 Yay! 23 00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:01,829 And I'm taking this guy with me, 24 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,431 because I don't like the way he's looking at you. 25 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,532 Yay. 26 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:09,703 A new camera. 27 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,106 Oh, thank you, Marshall! I love it! 28 00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:13,574 (CLEARS THROAT) Well, a little bonus. 29 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,409 I took some naked pictures of myself 30 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,645 before I wrapped it, put a bow on it. 31 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,313 There wasn't a bow on it. 32 00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:20,481 Wrong "it." 33 00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,850 (GASPS) 34 00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,852 Thank you, honey. I'm gonna get some great shots of our little group with this. 35 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,788 (BOTH GROAN) 36 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,623 OLDER TED: Now, kids, you've seen your Aunt Lily's photo albums: 37 00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:32,860 leather bound, acid-free paper, 38 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:35,263 adorable handwritten captions. 39 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,798 And most importantly, the group shot. 40 00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,667 Cute photo, right, kids? 41 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:43,804 But what you don't see is what happened 10 seconds before this picture was taken. 42 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,873 Okay, I wanna get the perfect group shot. 43 00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,708 Marshall, sit between Robin and Barney. 44 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,277 Why? 45 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:52,913 Oh, you know, light, color balance, aperture. 46 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,716 You're just saying camera words. Wait. 47 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:58,652 You don't want Barney and me to look like a couple in this picture, do you? 48 00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:01,755 Of course I don't! You two aren't gonna last. I'm going for timeless here. 49 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,524 How dare you! 50 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:04,825 That is so rude! 51 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,894 It's true. Totally true. 52 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,896 We're running on fumes here. But still rude. 53 00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,764 (CAMERA CLICKS) 54 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,634 OLDER TED: We hated Lily's group shots. 55 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,504 Okay, maybe I get a little bossy, 56 00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,906 but I just wanna remember those times. 57 00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:21,909 Like tonight. I can't imagine a better birthday 58 00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:25,579 than being here, with just my four best friends. 59 00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:26,947 Yay! (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 60 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,217 And Ted's here now. Yay! 61 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,688 Happy birthday! 62 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:35,756 This is Amanda. 63 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,227 (SHAKILY) And Amanda. Yay. 64 00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:56,510 Ted, you were supposed to bring a cheesecake, 65 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:57,911 but instead you brought two grocery bags 66 00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,680 and a woman we've never seen before. 67 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,449 Hi, I'm Marshall. Welcome to our home. 68 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:02,883 Start talking. 69 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:06,620 Well, Amanda's gonna make Lily a cake. She's a chef. 70 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:09,957 We met when I was at a restaurant last week, and I sent some soup back. 71 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,725 Luckily she's got such pretty hair, 72 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,261 I didn't mind eating a little bit of it. 73 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:15,663 They call me The Shedder at work. 74 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,266 (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) I'm so glad you're making my birthday cake. 75 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,536 In honor of Lily's 32nd birthday, 76 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:26,940 I've got a lot of great games planned, starting with Lilial Pursuit. 77 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,276 Ah, clever. 78 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,743 Okay, who's got number one? 79 00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,712 I do. 80 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:34,815 Of course you do. Okay, Amanda goes first. 81 00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,550 Thirty-two seconds on the clock 82 00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:39,019 to answer as many questions as possible. 83 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,289 And, go! 84 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:44,292 Question one, what is Lily's favorite color? (TICKING) 85 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:45,993 Well, she's wearing pink, 86 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,662 so I'm gonna say pink. 87 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:49,697 Yeah, that's Robin. 88 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,032 Oh. Uh... 89 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:55,836 Her favorite color is elbow. (MOUTHING) Yellow. 90 00:03:57,805 --> 00:04:00,308 I believe Ted was mouthing the word "yellow." 91 00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:03,477 Which also would've been wrong. 92 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:09,783 This game is called Gilding The Lily. 93 00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:12,586 Nice. Thank you. 94 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:15,022 Okay, you've all written down your favorite things about the birthday girl, 95 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:18,692 and, Lily-pad, you guess who wrote what. 96 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:21,695 "Lily makes everyone in her life, from her friends to her students..." 97 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:22,896 (WHISPERING) Lily's a kindergarten teacher. 98 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,765 That's what he means by students. 99 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:28,068 "...feel loved. She makes the best oatmeal raisin cookies ever, 100 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,304 "can recite every line from Goonies..." 101 00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:32,773 Lily saw Goonies in the theater right after her parents separated. 102 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,007 For a long time after that, she had real trouble trusting people. 103 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,544 Ted! 104 00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:39,780 "...and she's the strongest person I've ever met. 105 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,583 "I can't imagine my life without her. I love you, Lily." 106 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,085 Aw! Robin. 107 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,420 Of course it was me. 108 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:47,621 Come on. 109 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:48,889 So sweet. Okay. 110 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,391 (ROBIN AND LILY EXCLAIMING) 111 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:52,726 Lily, you try to guess who wrote this. 112 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,464 (GULPING) 113 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,568 "You seem really nice." 114 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:01,635 Oh. 115 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,338 I'm gonna guess Amanda. 116 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,640 No, that was me. 117 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,876 And I meant every word. 118 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,579 Well, I should get back to that cake. 119 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,547 Okay, let me know if you need anything. 120 00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,652 All right, quick, let's do the group photo. 121 00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,454 Everybody gather around the fireplace. 122 00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:22,856 Wait, hang on. I'll let Amanda know. 123 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,692 Oh, no, that's okay. She's busy in the kitchen. 124 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,727 Let's not bother her. Come on. (CLICKS TONGUE) 125 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,962 Wait, hang on a second. 126 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,831 You don't want Amanda in the photo, do you? 127 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:34,935 No, no. It's just, you know, auto focus, shutter speed, zoom. 128 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,637 Lily, what's going on? 129 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,572 Who wants a party hat? 130 00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:41,542 Hey, look. Look, I'm a bird! 131 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,143 Let's all be birds! 132 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:46,079 Lily! Tell me the truth! No, of course not! 133 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:49,817 I'm not gonna let another one of your dumb skanks ruin my precious memories! 134 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:50,684 (CLICKS) 135 00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:58,058 Lily, what are you talking about? 136 00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:01,128 Ted, you always do this. 137 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:04,097 You bring girls that we barely know to all our big group events. 138 00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:06,867 I do not! Oh, really? 139 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:11,539 Oh. Well, let's just take a little walk down Random Skank Lane. 140 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:15,776 Or we could just keep on strolling down Best Birthday Ever Avenue. 141 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:18,712 Do I get a vote? Skank Lane. Skank Lane! 142 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:21,449 Hey, hey, guys, I've composed a song for the evening. 143 00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,851 Follow along. The chorus goes like this. 144 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,787 * Happy, Happy Lily Day Happy, Happy... * 145 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,823 Christmas morning, four years ago. 146 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:33,527 Our first Christmas together, just the five of us. 147 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,996 Oh, Ted, here's another fun little trivia game. 148 00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:38,031 It's called Name That Bitch. 149 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:45,539 It's... It is... Sa... San... 150 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:48,776 Wrong. You're thinking of Santa, 'cause it was Christmas. 151 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:52,079 Fun fact, each year, my mother has Easter tea with her friend Bunny. 152 00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:55,483 (CHUCKLING) Okay, not that fun. 153 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:58,018 Yeah, I remember her name. It's Sara. 154 00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:01,589 Close. It's Lailanie. She just had to come to Christmas 155 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,925 because you said, "Guys, she might be the one." 156 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,495 And she's not the only "might be the one." 157 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,599 New Year's Eve, 2007. 158 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:15,936 Barney, Lily, Robin, Ted, Marshall, and "she's the one" Emily. 159 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,205 Robin's Uncle Cecil's funeral. 160 00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,908 Marshall, Lily, Robin, Barney, Ted, 161 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:25,212 and "this-just-proves-you- find-the-one-when-you're- not-looking" Isabelle. 162 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,980 My appendix surgery. 163 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:30,250 Robin, Marshall, Barney, Lily, Ted, and... 164 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,853 Well, this one you admitted, you were just trying to bang. 165 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,522 Respect. 166 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,590 Oh, hey, remember this yoga instructor 167 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,058 you brought to my birthday last year? 168 00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,060 ALL: * ...you 169 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,162 Thank you. Oh, my God. 170 00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,164 You guys are not gonna believe who just came in. 171 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:47,034 Don't look, don't look! Why aren't you looking? 172 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,102 It's Slash from Guns N' Roses. 173 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,904 ALL: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 174 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:54,642 Okay, okay. Group shot. Group shot! Come on! 175 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:58,679 And we got it! We got a picture with Slash on my birthday. 176 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,814 Awesome, right? Right? 177 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:01,749 We were there. We know how this ends. 178 00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,183 Wrong! 179 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,987 ROBIN: You know what's funny about this picture? 180 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,722 He was grabbing my ass. 181 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,691 LILY: Really? He was grabbing my ass, too. 182 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,826 He was grabbing my ass, too. How many hands does that guy have? 183 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,528 No wonder he's such a good guitarist. 184 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:18,632 Actually, sorry, dude. I thought that you were Lily. 185 00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,734 Wait a second, look at these pictures again. 186 00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:24,137 Barney has the same pose in each shot, and these are, like, years apart. 187 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:33,847 Ah, yes, about that. I never take a bad picture. 188 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:35,849 Never have. Never will. 189 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:38,085 (SCOFFS) Dude, there has to be a bad picture of you. 190 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,587 Nope! Not one. 191 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:40,854 What about from elementary school? 192 00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:42,322 Everyone has bad pictures from school. 193 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,256 Not the Barnacle. 194 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:50,230 I always look drop-dead, stone-cold amazing. 195 00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:54,001 Unlike Marshall, who just looks dead, stoned, and cold. 196 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,903 OLDER TED: He was right, kids. 197 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,638 Your Uncle Marshall does a lot of things well, 198 00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,539 but he does not take a good picture. 199 00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:05,946 They're not all bad, okay? Like, here. 200 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,315 Here, look at this one, my eyes are open. 201 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,618 Marshall, no! You did put a bow on it! 202 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,185 Chip and dip, Barney? Sure. 203 00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:14,888 A-ha! (CLICKS) 204 00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:16,624 Got it! A bad picture. 205 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,192 Is it, though? 206 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:25,265 No, wait. You were eating a chip! 207 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,167 Where's the chip? 208 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,903 It is physically impossible for me to take a bad picture. 209 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,039 I don't know why. Ask God. 210 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,810 Look, Lily, I'm sorry about Amanda, but I'm just gonna say it. 211 00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:37,845 You are being a birthday brat. 212 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,681 (GASPS) 213 00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,883 You're all bent out of shape just 'cause you think I ruined a couple of pictures? 214 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:47,320 (CHUCKLING) Oh, Ted, these girls have ruined so many events. 215 00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,957 Or are you forgetting Paris? 216 00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:52,192 What happened in Paris? 217 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:55,062 It was junior year, and I was studying abroad in Paris, 218 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,630 and hadn't seen Marshall for two months. 219 00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:58,298 Two months! 220 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,400 And I had just started having sex. 221 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,637 I wasn't ready to stop for two months. 222 00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:06,206 And Marshall was coming to visit over spring break. 223 00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:10,143 And at the last minute, Ted decided to come with the girl 224 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:13,881 he had just gotten back together with, Karen. 225 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,716 Karen. 226 00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,851 I am so excited you're here. 227 00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:19,687 I'm so excited to go to Paris. 228 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:23,056 I'm so excited to have sex again. 229 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,292 LILY: But just before the plane took off... 230 00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:28,195 Wait, I wanna tell you something. 231 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:31,965 Really? 'Cause I think I wanna tell you the same thing. 232 00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,234 Is your thing, "I had sex with my philosophy professor last night"? 233 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:38,772 'Cause that's my thing. 234 00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:42,375 LILY: And thus began the longest seven-and-a-half hours of Marshall's life. 235 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:43,911 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING) 236 00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,245 (INAUDIBLE) 237 00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:55,923 When I picked them up at the airport... 238 00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:57,725 Ted broke up with me. 239 00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,259 I need to sleep in your room this week. 240 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:00,861 Marshall can bunk with Ted. 241 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:08,001 (INAUDIBLE) 242 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:12,039 Two months! My balls were bleues! Bleues! 243 00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:15,242 This will come as no shock, but the rest of the trip was terrible. 244 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,443 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING) 245 00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:27,187 And all I wanted was a romantic kiss picture 246 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:31,458 in front of the Eiffel Tower, which I actually did get. 247 00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:34,161 It just happened to be between Karen and Francois, 248 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,764 our waiter from the day before. 249 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,999 Wow, that's just awful. Just, just, just... 250 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,334 (CLATTERS) 251 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,870 Oh, whoopsie, hey, I dropped my phone. You mind picking it up for me? 252 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:45,072 Oh, sure. Smile, you son-of-a-bitch! 253 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,107 Got it! 254 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,175 Did you, though? 255 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,514 What? How do you do that? You weren't even standing up. 256 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,216 The camera loves me, Robin. 257 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,786 More than loves me. The camera lusts after me. 258 00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:02,355 The camera wants to put on some nice lingerie, pop in an Al Green CD, 259 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,991 dim the lights, and do all the work, 260 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,525 while I just lie there with my eyes closed. 261 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,095 (CLICKS TONGUE) 262 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,963 Look, I'm sorry about Paris, and all the ruined group shots. 263 00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:12,332 But when you're single, 264 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,301 you gotta hope that each next new girl is the one. 265 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,903 I mean, Erin. Emily. 266 00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:16,536 Irene. Isabelle. 267 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,138 And Sara. 268 00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,206 It's Lailanie. What is wrong with you? 269 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,175 At the time, yes. 270 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,944 I thought each of these girls could be the one. 271 00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,813 But I gotta stay hopeful. I mean, what's the alternative? 272 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,280 Here's the alternative. 273 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,482 How about no more random skanks at my birthday? 274 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,886 Hey, sweetie. 275 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,454 Uh, do you guys have a cooling rack? 276 00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:35,989 Oh, drawer under the oven. 277 00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:37,390 Can't wait. You're just the best. 278 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:40,560 And, Ted, I'm sorry. 279 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,830 I'm gonna have to agree with Lily on this. 280 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:45,132 I mean, these kind of events are hard for a new person. 281 00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:47,134 That's why I didn't bring Don tonight. 282 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,502 I mean, when I lived in Japan, 283 00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:54,041 this guy, for our third date, brought me to his brother's wedding. 284 00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:57,144 Now I, a total stranger, am in that Japanese couple's 285 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,445 wedding picture for all eternity. 286 00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,280 (CLICKS) 287 00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,015 (SPEAKING JAPANESE) 288 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,820 Yeah, Ted, I think you should listen to Robin. 289 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,822 Right. Right. 290 00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,991 'Cause Robin's your best friend. Exactly. 291 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,060 Your best friend in the whole world. Absolutely. 292 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,995 (WHISPERING) Careful, Lily. It's a trap. 293 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,497 And before she was your best friend, what was she? 294 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,267 Oh, that's right, one of my random skanks. 295 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,270 Hey! Okay, yes, Ted. 296 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,472 This particular skank... Hey! 297 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,574 ...happened to work out. But she's the skanky exception, 298 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:29,276 not the skanky rule. 299 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,178 Hey, I'm crying a little bit. 300 00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:34,481 Okay. Hey, guys, that about wraps up this whole skank conversation. 301 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:37,517 Let's get back to the birthday song. 302 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:40,453 Okay, Barney, your part goes like this. 303 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:44,424 * She's cute 304 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:47,127 * She's cute 305 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,362 * She's cute 306 00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:52,632 Lily, I bring girls to these events 307 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,434 because you guys are important to me. 308 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,469 You're my family. 309 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,639 And, hey, Robin. Hey, Robin. Robin. Your part goes like this. 310 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,909 (SINGING IN FALSETTO) * And nice 311 00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,977 * And nice 312 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,846 * And oh, so nice 313 00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,083 Yes, we're a family. 314 00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:13,653 So, why can't these events ever just be us? 315 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:17,190 Like the time we celebrated Marshall passing the bar exam. 316 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:20,293 Hey, guys. This is the disgusting, smelly hippie I'm dating. 317 00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,629 ALL: Hey. 318 00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,364 I did not say that. 319 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,199 Well, you might as well have. 320 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,168 Hey, guys. This is Strawberry. 321 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,103 Hey. Hey. 322 00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:31,638 Um, should we order some more food? 323 00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:34,007 Oh, no, Strawberry's not eating. 324 00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:35,342 I'm a vegetarian. 325 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:37,978 Okay. 326 00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,147 Well, let's all raise a glass. 327 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,618 For the last three years, Marshall has been working so hard, 328 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,420 and I am so proud of you. 329 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,156 Meat is murder! 330 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:51,524 (SCREAMING) Meat is murder! 331 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,063 Okay, I admit it. Strawberry was a mistake. 332 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,464 But how could I have known that going in? 333 00:14:57,497 --> 00:15:01,268 ALL: Her name was Strawberry! 334 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,703 Look, if it's such a big deal, Amanda doesn't have to be in the group photo. 335 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,106 But I promise, she's not gonna ruin your birthday. 336 00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,108 Just give her a chance. See, look, guys, 337 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:11,611 we're all friends again! Now let's work on those harmonies. 338 00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:14,114 * Happy, Happy Lily Day 339 00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:16,583 * Happy, Happy Lily Day 340 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:20,420 All done! I hope you like it. 341 00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:28,128 "Happy 42nd birthday, Lori." 342 00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:34,634 OLDER TED: Kids, you know how I've told you about Lily's you're-dead-to-me look? 343 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,971 That expression she gets just before she explodes in white-hot rage? 344 00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:39,973 Well, this wasn't it. 345 00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:41,108 (CHUCKLES) 346 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,747 But this was Marshall's. 347 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:53,120 Forty-second? Does this hot piece of ass look 42 to you? 348 00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:57,524 Or does she look like her name is Lori? 349 00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:58,625 Oh, Marshall, it's okay. 350 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,093 No, Lily, it's not okay! 351 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:02,462 Ted, get this stranger out of my house. 352 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,064 I am so sorry. 353 00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,032 Out! 354 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,477 (DOOR CLOSES) 355 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:25,218 * Happy, Happy Lily Day Happy, Happy Lily Day * 356 00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:35,795 Well, Amanda refused to come back. She thinks you guys hate her. 357 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,531 Marshall, you have to go apologize. 358 00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:42,069 You ruined Lily's birthday, and you want me to apologize. 359 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,437 If anything, you should apologize to me. 360 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,439 What are you talking about? 361 00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:49,042 Ted, you bring girls to these intimate events, 362 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,144 and it makes them think that things are really serious. 363 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:52,345 And then, when you break up with them, 364 00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,681 you know who they turn to? Me. 365 00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:58,285 I've been your girlfriend clean-up crew for years. 366 00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:01,488 February, 2005. I had just come back from a marathon study session 367 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,689 at the law library. 368 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,692 Hey, hey, Natalie. Where's Ted? 369 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,728 We broke up. Again. 370 00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,232 Uh-oh. 371 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:16,503 Won't you sit with me for a little while? Just sit. 372 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,639 Oh, man. You know what? I've been up for, like, 36 hours. 373 00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:23,276 (SOBBING INCOHERENTLY) Yeah, but I don't have anyone else to talk to. 374 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:24,677 Just for a few minutes. Thanks. 375 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:27,847 (SIGHS) 376 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,750 (WEEPING) 377 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:33,653 And, at first, I was completely sympathetic. 378 00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:37,390 But, damn it, Ted, over the years, you've made me cynical. 379 00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:39,559 You know what? I'm gonna go get us some Rocky Road, 380 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:43,496 and we're just gonna sit here and talk it out until it makes sense. 381 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:48,201 I just thought we had something so special, you know? 382 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:53,340 Me, too. Yeah, but, you know, life goes on, sweetheart. 383 00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,243 I don't know how I'm gonna put my life back together after this. 384 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:57,444 Oh, shut up. 385 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:01,748 Well, I'm sorry my search for true love 386 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,317 has been such an inconvenience to you guys. 387 00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:06,753 You know what? Maybe your precious pictures 388 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:07,887 would look a lot better if I wasn't in them. 389 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,422 They'd look a lot better if Marshall weren't in them. 390 00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:12,159 Cheap shot, cheap shot. 391 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:13,560 You know what these pictures are, Lily? 392 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,428 They're a big, fat lie. 393 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,230 They're posed. They're touched up. 394 00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:19,166 They're what you want our life to be, not what it is. 395 00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,468 That's not true. Oh, yeah? 396 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:24,404 Okay. Look at this one. Halloween, two years ago. 397 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,905 You and Marshall got in a huge fight 398 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,006 because you didn't wanna dress up as penguins. 399 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,209 No, no, no. It's not just that she didn't want to. 400 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:32,412 It's that she called penguins lame. Penguins. 401 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,614 And yet, here you are, smiling like nothing's wrong. 402 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:37,517 Completely phony. 403 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:39,686 Oh! Robin's birthday, three years ago. 404 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:42,289 Robin had a cold, 405 00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:43,723 and you made her change out of her pajamas for the picture. 406 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:46,293 And then you pinched my cheeks really hard to get some color in them. 407 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:49,296 Yeah, but you looked pretty. 408 00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:52,532 And then we all ate chocolate cake in my bed. 409 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:53,633 Actually, that was a really nice night. 410 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:54,901 Yeah, it was. 411 00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:57,404 Yeah, I guess it was. 412 00:18:57,437 --> 00:19:00,473 Hey, look at this one. 413 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:03,210 This is the first picture the three of us ever took together. 414 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:04,811 That's right. It was. 415 00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,145 Hey, you remember how it happened? 416 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,648 Okay, ready? 417 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,583 Wait, wait, wait. What pose should we do? 418 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:13,720 Buddy cop picture? 419 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:16,689 Oh, no, no. What about an '80s sitcom about two roommates 420 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,225 who never agree on anything? Mmm-hmm. 421 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:21,461 Nice. Okay, one, two... 422 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:24,297 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 423 00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,933 Hi, Marshall. Ready for the movie? 424 00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,702 Um, yeah. Just a second, though, okay? We're about to make history. 425 00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:31,938 We're about to take our first ever roommate picture. 426 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:34,574 Yeah. Hey, why don't you get in the picture, too? 427 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,376 Really? Yeah. 428 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,477 Wait. What are you doing, Ted? 429 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,778 What if we break up? 430 00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,380 What if you don't? 431 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,283 Come on. Come on. 432 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:46,919 (CLICKS) 433 00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,389 I forgot all about that. 434 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:52,725 Marshall and I had just been dating a few weeks, 435 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,727 and you invited me into the picture. 436 00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,664 Well, I liked you. 437 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,899 We have to get Amanda back. Really? 438 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,935 Ted, you believed in me. It's my turn to believe in you. 439 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,838 For all I know, she's the one. 440 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,474 Thanks, Lil. 441 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:10,943 I think Lori's age has made her very wise. 442 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,812 They say your 40s are when you really get to know yourself. 443 00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,515 Mmm. 444 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,317 OLDER TED: So, your Aunt Lily called Amanda. 445 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:18,985 All right, people, gather around. 446 00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:21,254 Let's make a memory. Okay. 447 00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:23,823 Okay, Marshall. No, Marshall, try this. 448 00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:25,525 Keep your eyes closed until the last second, 449 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,927 and when I say so, open them. Okay? Okay, Ted. 450 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:28,961 Hey, Barney, is that a hole in your suit jacket? 451 00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:30,430 What? Where? 452 00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:32,532 Now, Marshall. 453 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:33,566 (CLICKS) 454 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,569 ROBIN: Damn it! 455 00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:43,310 Ted, name that bitch. 456 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:45,578 Bertha... Bertha? 457 00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:48,315 No. It was my birthday. 458 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:51,451 Your brain makes associations in a very obvious way. 459 00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:52,985 All right, people, gather around. 460 00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:55,722 Let's make a memory. 461 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,425 Hey, Robin, what's in this dip that you made? 462 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:04,497 It tastes like cilantro, and you know that cilantro makes me... 463 00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:05,932 (SNEEZING) (CLICKS) 464 00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:07,734 ROBIN: Yes!