1 00:00:01,069 --> 00:00:03,204 OLDER TED: Kids, I remember one time 2 00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:05,939 we all gathered at my apartment to watch the Super Bowl. 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,741 Well, not all of us. 4 00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:10,844 TV ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to Super Bowl XLIV in Miami. 5 00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:13,181 Get a load of that guy. 6 00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:15,216 You think that's his real number? 7 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:17,918 Well, that explains where Barney is. 8 00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:19,353 Dibs on his wings. 9 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,102 Hey, guys. Hi. 10 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:36,304 Does anyone know who won the Super Bowl? 11 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,505 You were there. It was the... 12 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,540 I won. (CELL PHONE RINGING) 13 00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:43,911 Because I am now in possession of a magic phone that always rings. 14 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:47,381 And do you know who's always, usually, on the other end? A chick. 15 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,650 So how many chicks do I have calling me now? 16 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,119 Infinity! 17 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:53,654 You guys remember Ranjit. 18 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,156 Hello. 19 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,024 Hey, Ranjit. Good to see you. 20 00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,826 I've enlisted Ranjit's services as my personal driver 21 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,129 because for the next week, I'll be sleeping with hundreds of women, 22 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:04,532 and I don't wanna take the subway, 'cause, you know, germs. 23 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:07,034 What, you're actually gonna hook up with these girls that call you? 24 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:10,104 Oh, indubitably. I'm meeting the first one here any minute. 25 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,639 Keep your eyes peeled for a red sweater. 26 00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:14,208 Based on her texts, she's dirty, 27 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:16,944 dyslexic, and wants to 96 me. 28 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:19,147 Semi-colon, end parentheses. 29 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,782 This ought to be good. I can only imagine the quality of girl that... 30 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:25,353 Oh, my God, you are the guy from the Super Bowl! 31 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,555 Magic phone, guys. Magic phone. 32 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,758 Hey, guys. Hey, Ranjit. 33 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:31,892 Hello. Hey. 34 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,161 How's it goin'? Hey. 35 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,728 That beer looks a little flat. 36 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,130 It's scotch. 37 00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:38,499 Whoa! Something troubling you, kiddo? 38 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,334 (SIGHS) Don. 39 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:43,804 OLDER TED: Don was Aunt Robin's co-host on her morning show. 40 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:46,540 Now, even though her show was on so early that no one watched, 41 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,776 Aunt Robin was a consummate professional. 42 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:49,877 But Don was not. 43 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,545 Oh, yeah. 44 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,647 But that morning, Don had gone too far. 45 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,850 Now that's what I call having a "woof" over your head. 46 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:58,752 Don? 47 00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,155 Don? 48 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:04,992 Why is Ulee's Gold in every crossword? 49 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,127 Oh, it's me? Sorry, sorry, sorry. 50 00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:10,130 Next Sunday is Valentine's Day. 51 00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:12,266 And one lucky patient will be receiving 52 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:13,967 a very special chocolate heart, 53 00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:16,370 a human heart. 54 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:17,805 Hey, that reminds me, I have been meaning to ask you. 55 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,608 Robin, do you have any Valentine's Day plans? 56 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,211 He asked you out? 57 00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,245 He asked me out. 58 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:25,813 That's crazy. 59 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,715 And they use "Ulee" because of the vowels. 60 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,683 Ah. What did you say? 61 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,920 Well, we were on the air. I was on the spot, so I said okay. 62 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,054 (BOTH LAUGHING) 63 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,590 Robin, you are gonna marry this guy 64 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,693 so freaking hard, right in the butt. 65 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,730 What? No! I hate Don! 66 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,332 And now I can't cancel because I said 67 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,966 I would go out with him on the air. 68 00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,701 What would your viewer think? 69 00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,237 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 70 00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:50,304 You said you'd go out with him on Valentine's? 71 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,240 I thought we had plans. 72 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:55,276 What? Getting drunk and cleaning the apartment was a plan? 73 00:02:55,343 --> 00:03:00,080 I did not say it was a good plan. 74 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,815 Guys, guys, guys, we're on me now. 75 00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,317 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 76 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,018 And it is getting interesting. 77 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,321 Look at these texts. Read this one. 78 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:11,392 Yowza! Now look at this one. Does she text her mother with those fingers? 79 00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:13,494 Now look at this one. 80 00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,796 Or this one. Or this one. Or this one. 81 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,632 Okay, okay, okay, buddy. How about you do this? 82 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,635 Go nail that girl, then read your texts. 83 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:25,005 I can't do that, Ted. I just can't hook up with a girl 84 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:29,477 if there is a hotter girl out there with whom up can be hooked. 85 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,012 Isn't there always a hotter girl? 86 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:35,916 I know. Isn't it wonderful? 87 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:38,118 Go for Barney. Cut to the chase, what's your cup size? 88 00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:39,287 Oh, hi, Mom. 89 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:45,359 There's always a hotter girl. Isn't that the problem, in a nutshell? 90 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:48,562 There's too many options. You got Internet dating. You got bars. 91 00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:51,532 Holding up your phone number on national TV. 92 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:54,868 I never had that problem. 93 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:58,406 When I was 18, I had an arranged marriage. 94 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:02,643 And I love my wife more and more every day. 95 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,712 It is true. 96 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,448 It is very rare that two people just meet and fall madly in love. 97 00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:09,450 Like Robin and Don. 98 00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,352 But we're not even, like, going out for dinner. 99 00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:12,753 We're just hanging out at his place. 100 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,222 LILY AND TED: Ooh! 101 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:16,990 No, it's not like that! It's just us and a bunch of other people. 102 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:23,697 Wait. Robin, what exactly did Don say when he asked you out? 103 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,633 I'm having some friends over to my place for a little party. 104 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,768 You should come by if you want. 105 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:31,038 I... Okay. 106 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:36,744 Robin, Don didn't ask you out. 107 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:37,945 Of course he asked me out. 108 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,279 No, he didn't. 109 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,047 Yes, he did. 110 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,784 He did. He did! He did! 111 00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:45,218 Okay. 112 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:48,489 Well, dog my cats. I think I know what's going on here. 113 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:51,592 Robin, did you want Don to ask you out? 114 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:55,963 What? No! I hate Don! 115 00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:58,231 I can't stop thinking about how much I hate him! 116 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,168 It's like... It's like, all the time. I just wanna attack him, 117 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,504 and rip his stupid clothes off, 118 00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:06,740 and just spank him with his little paddle until his bum's all red. 119 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:07,775 Shut up! 120 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:14,214 See? That right there is what free will gets you. 121 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,984 Constant, ego-shattering uncertainty. 122 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:20,053 I'm done with that. I want what Ranjit has. 123 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,223 I've spent my entire adult life looking for the perfect woman, 124 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,926 and I'm spending Valentine's Day scrubbing the toilet. 125 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,662 I need someone else to find me that woman. 126 00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:33,834 Marshall, Lily, "arranged marriage" me. 127 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,804 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 128 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,439 Or this one. Or this one. Or this one. 129 00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:44,344 You want us to arrange your marriage? 130 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:46,346 Absolutely. 131 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:49,316 Look, there's two sides to dating, right? Picking and getting picked. 132 00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:52,686 Getting picked, I'm good at. Ladies love Teddy West Side. 133 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:58,959 You're waiting for me to comment on your self-assigned nickname. 134 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,962 Well, here's my comment. 135 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,163 I love it! Really? 136 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,533 Teddy West Side, continue. 137 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,101 It's the picking I suck at. I pick the wrong girls. 138 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,237 But, you guys, you're the best pickers I know. 139 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,072 You picked each other. 140 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,575 Well, with a slight assist from the Wesleyan housing department. 141 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:17,745 And a healthy splash of Drakkar Noir. 142 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,680 Get out there. Find me a girl. 143 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,615 We'll double date on Valentine's Day. 144 00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:25,085 If I like her, I will marry her. If she's cool with it. 145 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:28,255 And she will be 'cause I'll wear my nice blazer. 146 00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:32,926 I love that blazer almost as much as Robin loves Don. 147 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,762 I do not love Don. 148 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,764 Robin, neurologically speaking, 149 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,099 the part of the human brain that makes you hate people 150 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,401 is located right next to the part of the brain 151 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,070 that makes you wanna jump people's bones. 152 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:46,239 The two responses are so similar it's hard to tell them apart. 153 00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:47,608 You know what it's like? 154 00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:49,910 Wait, I have to get a book. Give me 30 seconds. 155 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,379 Okay, this is fun. 156 00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:55,048 Look at this picture. It's a rabbit. 157 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:59,086 You can look at it for hours and be absolutely sure it's a rabbit. 158 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,253 But then one day, 159 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,822 you look at it, and you realize, 160 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:05,893 "Wait a second, it's a duck." 161 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:09,029 It's a rabbit. It's a duck. Rabbit. Duck. Rabbit. Duck. 162 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,197 Isn't this fun? 163 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,499 OLDER TED: It sure was. 164 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,967 Relationships are like that. 165 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,269 I mean, look, when you first met Don, you hated him. 166 00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:18,472 You thought, "This guy's a duck." 167 00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,674 But one of these days, you're gonna realize, 168 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:23,611 "This is actually something that I love. He's a rabbit." 169 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,179 I think you got it backwards there, buddy. 170 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,816 The duck is the thing you love. 171 00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,417 The rabbit is the thing you hate. 172 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,919 What? 173 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,522 Yeah, I gotta agree. Ducks up, rabbits down. 174 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:36,123 Definitely, ducks are better than rabbits. 175 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:39,092 Are you guys... Ducks are... Ducks are... 176 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,629 Rabbits are adorable. Ducks are, well... 177 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:45,465 Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? I mean, ducks are jerks. 178 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:46,834 OLDER TED: This led to one of the most 179 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:50,003 intense arguments our group has ever had. 180 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,906 Duck is delicious. Rabbit is all gamy! 181 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,508 We're not talking about flavor, Ted! 182 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:57,310 Flavor counts! 183 00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,980 Who carries around a duck's foot for good luck? 184 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,015 Anyone? 185 00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:04,652 You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. 186 00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:08,355 I'll wrap myself in one stuffed with duck feathers. 187 00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:09,723 Who's cozier? 188 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,224 Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 189 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:13,894 But who's cozier? 190 00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,829 Hold on! I have to get another book! 191 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,265 (SPEAKING PERSIAN) 192 00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:27,040 Then why don't we take a rabbit, a duck, 193 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,442 stick 'em in a cardboard box, and let them fight it out? 194 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,944 Because it's illegal, Ted! 195 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,980 Only if we bet on it, Marshall! 196 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:35,849 Fine! 197 00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:39,887 I concede! You win. 198 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:41,755 Say it. 199 00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:44,257 You have to say it. 200 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,127 Ducks are good. 201 00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,232 Rabbits are bad. 202 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,402 Yeah! So good! Yes! 203 00:08:55,468 --> 00:09:00,040 Thank you. And Don is, and always will be, a rabbit. 204 00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,109 I wouldn't be so sure about that, Robin. 205 00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:08,015 Think about it. Don, Donald, Donald Duck. 206 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,149 (GASPS) 207 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:14,487 And what, I wonder, does Donald Duck never wear? 208 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,156 Pants. Pants. 209 00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,993 Don's a duck. 210 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,262 (BOTH EXHALING) 211 00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:23,263 Permission to say "lawyered"? I'll allow it. 212 00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:26,233 Lawyered. 213 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,402 OLDER TED: Yes, kids. Sometimes there's a fine line between love and hate. 214 00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:31,204 Case in point... 215 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,674 There is no place I would rather be, 216 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,676 and no one I'd rather be with. 217 00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:36,910 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 218 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,782 I should get that. 219 00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,654 Go for Barney. 220 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,490 Look, I'm sorta in the middle of someone, something, right now, and... 221 00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,192 You're a hot lady bullfighter? 222 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,762 You gotta go. 223 00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:57,530 MacLaren's Pub. 224 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:58,866 MacLaren's Pub. 225 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:04,838 Well, hello. 226 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:07,140 There's no place I would rather be, 227 00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:09,176 and no one I would rather be... 228 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,210 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 229 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:16,016 Would you excuse me for one moment? 230 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,085 Go for Barney. Look, I... 231 00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:21,321 You're a gold-medalist Japanese figure skater? 232 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,756 (BIDDING FAREWELL IN SPANISH) 233 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,091 MacLaren's Pub! 234 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,225 MacLaren's Pub! 235 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,929 Well, hello. 236 00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,463 No place I'd rather be, no one I'd rather... 237 00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:31,598 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 238 00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:33,300 Oh! For Pete's sake! 239 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,002 You're a hot chick? 240 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,169 (BIDDING FAREWELL IN JAPANESE) 241 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,305 MacLaren's Pub! 242 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,339 MacLaren's Pub! 243 00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,642 Well, hello. 244 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:44,778 I realize that you're very busy, 245 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,279 so I'll just get straight to the point. 246 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,380 Okay. 247 00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:49,850 (EXCLAIMING) 248 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:53,754 (GASPING) 249 00:10:58,525 --> 00:10:59,392 (EXCLAIMING) 250 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,262 And that's my bad leg. 251 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,731 Very bad. 252 00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:05,866 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 253 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:09,136 (LAUGHING) Are you okay? 254 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,872 Yeah, of course. Why... Why wouldn't I be? 255 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,711 Go for Barney. 256 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:19,246 OLDER TED: Barney had been sure that phone was something he loved. 257 00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:21,815 But now he realized it wasn't that at all. 258 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:24,384 It was something else entirely. 259 00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:25,152 (SCREAMS) 260 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,025 (GROANING) 261 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:35,896 I'm free! 262 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:39,099 Ah, now this feels right. 263 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:42,202 There is no place I would rather be, 264 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,537 and no one I would rather be... 265 00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,139 (CELL PHONE RINGING IN THE DISTANCE) 266 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,209 What's wrong? 267 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,845 Did you hear that? 268 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,881 Hear what? (SHUSHING) 269 00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,248 (CELL PHONE CONTINUES RINGING) 270 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:07,795 (EXCLAIMS) 271 00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,264 MacLaren's Pub! 272 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,800 MacLaren's Pub! 273 00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:20,207 (SOBBING) 274 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,815 Go for Barney. 275 00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,919 D-cups? Really? 276 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,821 OLDER TED: Finally, Valentine's Day arrived, 277 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:36,623 the deadline for Marshall and Lily to find me a wife, 278 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:39,459 an important job they had, well, forgotten to do. 279 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:41,261 Aren't we supposed to go on a double date with Ted? 280 00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,630 Ted, no. He's not seeing anyone. 281 00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,232 Remember, he asked us to find... 282 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,301 Oh, no. 283 00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,772 Hey, hey. Wanna get married? 284 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,908 I don't know what kind of architect. 285 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,444 Houses, buildings, that kind of crap. 286 00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:58,946 Want to marry my friend, Ted? 287 00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,248 Wanna marry my friend, Ted? Wanna marry my friend, Ted? 288 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,084 What, you can be choosy? 289 00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,253 You're in a bar on Valentine's Day, huh? 290 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,321 Hey, just real quick. 291 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:09,522 (SCREAMS) 292 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:12,960 MARSHALL: You wanna marry my friend, Ted? 293 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:17,364 Man, Ted's right. It's tough out there. 294 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:18,698 This is stupid. 295 00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:21,835 You know what? We forgot about this. I'm sure Ted did also. 296 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,636 * Here comes the groom 297 00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:25,505 * In his favorite blazer 298 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:28,675 * Gonna meet my wife and I'm... * 299 00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:31,778 Laser, Taser, gazer... Blazer... 300 00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:34,147 ROBIN: Hey, Ted. Yeah. 301 00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:36,116 ROBIN: Before you go meet your future wife, 302 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,418 why don't you swing by Don's party with me? 303 00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,421 That's what you're wearing? 304 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,623 Yeah. Why? He's a duck. 305 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,558 That dude be straight duckin'. 306 00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:49,696 * And I think that I'll amaze her * 307 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,999 Nailed it! 308 00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:53,566 OLDER TED: So, we went to Don's party. 309 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:56,136 Look, Robin, I don't wanna crowd you on your little date here, 310 00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:58,071 so if things start to get hot and heavy with Don... 311 00:13:58,138 --> 00:13:59,506 They're not gonna get hot... 312 00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,942 I'm just saying, if they do, I'll just say, 313 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,511 "Well, I got a dinner rez," and then... 314 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,513 Wait, this is the best part. I've been working on this for a while. 315 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,381 I'll duck out. 316 00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:11,551 (SARCASTICALLY) Ha, ha, ha. Okay, it's not gonna happen. 317 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,320 But, yeah, do that. Mmm. 318 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,191 Hello, Robin. 319 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:18,959 (SCREAMS) 320 00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,461 Well, I got a dinner rez. 321 00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:29,036 Oh, God, Don. What the hell are you doing? 322 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,271 I don't know. It's something called "The Naked Man." 323 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,540 I read about it on some guy's blog. 324 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,175 My God, I'm so stupid. 325 00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,910 Why did I ever think it would work on someone like you? 326 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:41,748 Yeah. 'Cause I would never... Could, like... Standards, so... 327 00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:44,351 You know. I thought this was a party. 328 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,019 I only said that to get you to come over here. 329 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,921 I didn't think you'd bring a date. 330 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,257 Ted's not my date. He's a friend. 331 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:53,326 Oh, God. You probably think I'm some kind of playboy now, right? 332 00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:59,332 You could say that. 333 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:02,269 So, he's a rabbit. At least you know for sure. 334 00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,271 Ted, this may hurt a little. 335 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:07,941 I'm recycling your old Architecture Weekly magazines. 336 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,043 What are you doing? Cleaning. 337 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,345 You go on your date. Happy Valentine's Day. 338 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,987 Oh! Thank God you're here. 339 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:22,355 Yeah. I've been thinking. 340 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,856 Maybe we should call this whole thing off. 341 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,125 No. Ted. We got her. 342 00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:26,226 What? We got her. 343 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,794 It's the craziest thing. 344 00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:30,230 We were searching all week, and then, a couple of hours ago... 345 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:31,999 Trudy? Married. 346 00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:34,167 Blah, blah? Committed. 347 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,103 Relationship? Bellevue. 348 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,438 Natalie? 349 00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:40,340 Ted's her least favorite person in the world. 350 00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,976 Well, she's not getting any younger. 351 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,077 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 352 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,079 Get rid of it! What? 353 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:49,449 This phone is cursed. Cursed, I tell you! 354 00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:52,019 I try to ignore it, but it just never stops ringing! 355 00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,953 It's ruining my life! 356 00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:56,456 I should get that. 357 00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,425 No. Please! Please! Please, Marshall. Let me answer it. 358 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:01,528 It could be an emergency. She could be trapped in a giant bra! 359 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:05,865 Barney, Barney, let it go to voice mail. 360 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,634 (SOBBING) 361 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,302 I should let go. 362 00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:10,737 Okay. 363 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,709 We have to find Ted a wife. We're being too choosy. 364 00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,878 It almost doesn't matter who it is at this point. 365 00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:19,679 Okay. 366 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,118 It's a phone girl? I know, I know. 367 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,553 No. But, no, then we met her. 368 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,821 And, Ted, she's a world-class violinist. 369 00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:31,491 She's a gourmet cook. 370 00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,493 And she can quote every line from Caddyshack! 371 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,362 Wow. 372 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,332 Hello, Ted. 373 00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:42,535 "And what brings you to this nape of the woods? 374 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,737 "Neck of the wape? Why are you here?" 375 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,808 OLDER TED: So, we all had dinner. 376 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,911 And, kids, Lily and Marshall's hard work had paid off, 377 00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:55,014 because that girl was terrific. In fact... 378 00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:57,817 Oh, but, Natalia, tell Ted the problem. 379 00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:00,487 Yeah. Yeah. Tell him. Tell him. 380 00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:04,023 Well, unfortunately, I'm going to have to leave the country soon 381 00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:06,859 because my visa is about to expire. 382 00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:08,861 She needs to get married. 383 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:11,598 Federal law expressly dictates that a foreign national 384 00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:15,635 can't maintain residency for longer than six months without a work visa. Sorry. 385 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,204 OLDER TED: But when it came down to it... 386 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:19,339 And you, sir, the rabbit or the duck? 387 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:20,607 What? 388 00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,242 It's a prix fixe menu for Valentine's Day, 389 00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,877 and we're already out of the steak, fish and chicken. 390 00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,679 So, rabbit or duck? 391 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,255 Rabbit. Sorry, guys. I gotta go. 392 00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:39,326 Why would Ted order rabbit if he was just gonna run out? 393 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,661 I need it back! Where's the phone? 394 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,797 Well, hello. Oh, I met you already. 395 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,766 Where's the phone? 396 00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:48,801 It's hidden. Where? 397 00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,537 OLDER TED: Where had Aunt Lily hidden the phone? 398 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,373 Well, to answer that question, we have to back up a little bit. 399 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,075 You go on your date. Happy Valentine's Day. 400 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,279 (BARNEY'S CELL PHONE RINGING) 401 00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:09,856 Barney's phone. I wonder how it got in there. 402 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:14,194 Ted? Come on, big date. 403 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:19,566 Well, what's the harm? Hello? 404 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:22,435 OLDER TED: And just like that, I was hooked. 405 00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:23,736 Terrific. I will see you there. 406 00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,738 And I'll be the guy in the awesome blazer. 407 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,274 (LAUGHING) 408 00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:29,609 I think you'll know the blazer when you see it. 409 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:30,843 I gotta go. 410 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,212 Thank God you're here. 411 00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,113 So, rabbit or duck? 412 00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:43,623 Rabbit. Sorry, guys. I gotta go. 413 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,759 Well, hello. 414 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,564 Sorry, babe. I gotta take this. 415 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,633 Barney's phone. Teddy West Side speaking. 416 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,668 This is my phone! I'm taking it back! 417 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:58,070 And I'm taking your cool nickname, too. Barney West Side speaking. 418 00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,606 No, no, no, no, wait. I love it so much! 419 00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,541 It just keeps ringing and ringing and ringing. 420 00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,410 Give it to me! Give it to me. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine now. 421 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,178 It's mine! Give me the phone! 422 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,146 Lily. Lily, no! No! 423 00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:07,914 (TED SCREAMS) 424 00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:10,217 Oops. 425 00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,654 Being single sucks. Mmm. 426 00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:16,523 Turns you into a crazy person. 427 00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,958 I know. So much running around 428 00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:21,127 and freaking out, and for what? 429 00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:23,563 It's all so you can find someone you can sit on a couch 430 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:26,833 and put off cleaning the bathroom with. 431 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,435 Well, the joke's on the rest of the world 432 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,237 because we can do that on our own. 433 00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,439 Exactly. Exactly. 434 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,051 Robin, I have to apologize. 435 00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:46,819 Save it. Let's just do the news. 436 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:54,093 No, listen. After you left the other night, I was embarrassed. 437 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,796 Not because I was naked. I'm actually pretty okay with my body. 438 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:57,797 Clearly. 439 00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:03,336 I got married in college. I just got divorced three months ago. 440 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,406 I have no idea how to be single. 441 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:08,975 But that's not why I was embarrassed. 442 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:12,279 I was embarrassed about my behavior right here, at Channel... 443 00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:16,015 It starts with a one. 444 00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:18,117 Twelve. Twelve. 445 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,152 I mean, just look at your mug. 446 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,390 Right. Well, no, you look at this mug. 447 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,658 You are a tremendous news anchor. 448 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:29,228 And you deserve a co-anchor who gives a crap. 449 00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:32,765 And from here on out, that's gonna be me. 450 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,434 Well, I'll believe that when I see it. 451 00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:37,069 Well, you'll see it right now. 452 00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:39,005 I'll go get you some coffee. 453 00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:44,010 Don. 454 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,912 You're wearing pants. 455 00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,447 Well, look at that. 456 00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:54,354 Aw, duck.