1 00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:04,172 OLDER TED: Kids, when you're in your 30s and live in New York, 2 00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,340 there's a few places you just never want to be. 3 00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,209 Times Square on New Year's Eve. 4 00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:10,144 Rockefeller Center around Christmastime. 5 00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:11,912 Yeah. But most of all... 6 00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:15,483 A college bar? Man, we're probably gonna run into my students. 7 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:18,186 They're gonna corner me and want a free lecture. 8 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:20,588 I don't even have my slide projector. 9 00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:23,657 Ted, I've been skee ball champ here since law school. 10 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,594 I have to pop in at least once a month to maintain my record. 11 00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,796 Whoa, looks like you've been gone awhile. 12 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,065 Some guy named Big Fudge has been cleaning up. 13 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,866 Yeah, he has. 14 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,135 And you're Big Fudge. 15 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:37,505 The biggest. 16 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:38,572 So, by the way, I have to tell you something. 17 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:39,707 Yep. 18 00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:42,076 I invited Jenkins. 19 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,011 Jenkins? No way. 20 00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:47,348 We'd all started hearing about Jenkins a few weeks earlier. 21 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:50,118 You guys will not believe what Jenkins did this time. 22 00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:51,952 Who's Jenkins? 23 00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:54,755 He's this hilarious new lawyer at Marshall's office. 24 00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,890 Hilarious! 25 00:00:56,957 --> 00:01:00,261 Okay, so, there's this jar of maraschino cherries in the fridge at work, 26 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,663 so Jenkins says, 27 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:05,533 "200 bucks, I'll eat the whole jar." 28 00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:08,669 So we give Jenkins 200 bucks, 29 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,573 and Jenkins ate the whole jar! 30 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,308 (LAUGHING) 31 00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:15,409 (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) 32 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,747 Jenkins. 33 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,682 OLDER TED: And after that, the stories kept coming. 34 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:24,185 So the CFO comes in to sign some acquisition papers. 35 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,620 So Jenkins goes, 36 00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:30,324 "Excuse me, Mr. Wilcox. I think we forgot one of the documents." 37 00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:40,067 Jenkins! 38 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,102 So we all go out for beers after work. 39 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,071 Jenkins gets up on the table 40 00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:47,441 and starts gyrating like some sort of deranged stripper. 41 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:51,845 Next thing you know, off comes the shirt. It was so gross. 42 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:54,848 Jenkins. Jenkins. 43 00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,917 Right? 44 00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:59,119 Well, it'll be great to finally meet the famous Jenkins 45 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,054 after all those stories. Yeah. 46 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,892 And there's about to be one more story. I'm gonna bang Jenkins. 47 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,027 What? You heard me. 48 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,697 You want to have sex with Jenkins? 49 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,533 With Jenkins, on Jenkins, near Jenkins. You name it. 50 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,836 I want to wear Jenkins like a sock. 51 00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:20,073 You... But you're... Haven't you all... I'm... Really? 52 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,775 Hey, guys. 53 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:22,843 Ted, this is Jenkins. 54 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:24,912 Oh! 55 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,161 Look, this is gonna sound crazy, 56 00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:43,897 but I thought Jenkins was a guy. 57 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:46,767 What? That's crazy. What gave you that idea? 58 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:49,803 I don't know, maybe the whole Jenkins-peed-out- the-window-of-a-cab story. 59 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,071 Yeah. Much more impressive now, isn't it? 60 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,273 Yeah! 61 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,608 Okay, I'll come clean! 62 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,044 It all started a few weeks ago. 63 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,712 By the way, four eyes, new lawyer. 64 00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:00,147 This is Jenkins. 65 00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:02,182 Watch out for this guy. He steals stuff. 66 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:03,784 I don't steal stuff. 67 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,654 And I don't wear glasses. 68 00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:09,189 I'm Marshall. 69 00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:10,524 Hi, Marshall. 70 00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,526 So, are you really a Vikings fan, 71 00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,562 or was he lying about that, too? 72 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:17,265 Why? Is this a trap? Are you a Packers fan? 73 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:19,800 My wife knows I'm here. She doesn't have money, 74 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,603 but what she does have is a very special set of skills. 75 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:25,339 I'm a Vikings fan, too. I bleed purple and gold. 76 00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,007 I'm from Pelican Rapids! 77 00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:29,310 Pelican Rapids? No way! Yeah. 78 00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,379 My grandpa lives in Pelican Rapids. 79 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,446 Well, I mean, he's dead now, 80 00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,081 but he haunts a barn off Route 108. 81 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:35,249 (LAUGHS) 82 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,585 TED: Whoa! Hold it. Hold it. 83 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,820 Dude, if you tell me you have a thing for a woman that is not your wife, 84 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:42,256 I will drag you outside and kick your ass. 85 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:45,359 Okay, first of all, come on, buddy. 86 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,428 You can't handle the Fudge. 87 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:51,465 Second of all, no, I think of her like a big brother, 88 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,601 who, I guess, has boobs. 89 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,836 But so does my oldest brother, Marvin Jr. Anyway, 90 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,571 that night, I told Lily about... 91 00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,640 Jenkins. 92 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,975 I can't wait to meet him. 93 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:05,313 MARSHALL: I should have corrected her. It would have been so easy. 94 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,415 But I didn't. 95 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,583 So, after that, whenever I talked about Jenkins, 96 00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:12,520 I always avoided pronouns. 97 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,756 So the head of marketing comes in to choose people for the mid-west audit. 98 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:19,760 So he goes, him, him, her, him, him, 99 00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:23,163 Jenkins, him, her... 100 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,366 I don't understand why you wouldn't just tell Lily. 101 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,834 Do you really think she'd be all that jealous? 102 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:29,537 Ted, think about those stories I told you. 103 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:40,648 (WHISTLING) 104 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,484 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 105 00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,987 Yeah, I could see how that'd be a problem. 106 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:49,557 Exactly. That's why Lily can't find out. 107 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,191 Lily can't find out what? 108 00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:53,894 That Marshall's gonna buy her a horse. 109 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:57,631 You are? That is so awesome! I love those things! 110 00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:03,404 Guys, why is that kid over there staring at me? 111 00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:06,874 I think I know what this is. 112 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,643 I think it has finally happened. 113 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,145 I'm getting recognized from my show. 114 00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:15,483 Robin, that is so cute. 115 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:18,719 But that's Scotty. He's one of my students, and he's looking at me. 116 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,088 How weird is it that I'm more famous than you? 117 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:24,324 (CHUCKLES) Not at all, 'cause you're not. I'm on TV. 118 00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:25,893 Yeah, and I have 30 students in my class. 119 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:28,762 That's what, 30 times your viewership? 120 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,431 Now let's give Scotty a little thrill. 121 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:33,734 Buying a drink for the old prof. 122 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,970 All right, Scotter, one question about neoclassical architecture 123 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,139 and that is it. You're Robin Scherbatsky, right? 124 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,475 What? Yes, I am. 125 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,877 Wow! Look, I didn't mean to stare. 126 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:47,314 It's just... I watch your show all the time. 127 00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,683 Really? Really? 128 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:50,684 Totally! 129 00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,221 What are you doing out with Ted? 130 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,856 It's Professor Mosby. 131 00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,257 We're friends. 132 00:05:57,324 --> 00:06:01,261 Holy crap! Robin Scherbatsky's friends with my econ professor! 133 00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:03,196 It's architecture! 134 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:06,900 All right, you know what, Scotty, you're crowding us. Hit the bricks. 135 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,001 Wait a minute. You're Big Fudge! 136 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,136 Go! 137 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,339 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 138 00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,007 Hello? Hey, baby, I'm on my way up. 139 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:17,210 What? Why? 140 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,447 There was a measles outbreak at school and they called a half-day. 141 00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:23,283 Thought I'd come by here, have lunch, maybe give you the measles? 142 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,519 Okay. 143 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:29,056 Um. I have a problem. That was my wife. 144 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,559 When I first mentioned you, she mistakenly thought you were a guy, 145 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,061 and so... So now you're worried 146 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,929 that once she finds out I'm a woman, she's gonna totally flip out. 147 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,197 Yes, exactly. 148 00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:39,032 Oh, jeez. Oh, gosh. 149 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,435 Okay, okay. I was in an improv group in Pelican Rapids. 150 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:44,237 Follow my lead. Okay. 151 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,907 Lily! Hey, baby... 152 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:49,743 Hi, I'm Lily, Marshall's wife. 153 00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,245 Hi, Lily. I'm from the French Embassy. 154 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:56,083 I'm here because of a small but significant cheese incident that occurred. 155 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,618 She's Jenkins! 156 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,893 You're Jenkins? 157 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:09,697 Yeah, well, that Camembert crisis isn't gonna resolve itself, 158 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,232 so I'll catch you guys on the flip-flop. 159 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,567 OLDER TED: Marshall cringed. 160 00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:14,968 This was the moment he had feared. 161 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:18,005 The famous Jenkins! How about that? 162 00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:22,175 Funny, I was picturing a guy. Anyhoo, lunch? 163 00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:25,513 (STAMMERING) Wait. So you're not jealous at all? 164 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:30,383 (LAUGHING) Sweetie, I never have to worry about you with another woman. 165 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,620 Right, well, 'cause we're so hopelessly in love, right? 166 00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:35,155 (LAUGHS) Yeah, sure. Anyhoo, lunch? 167 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,459 She wasn't jealous at all! 168 00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:41,028 Of course she wasn't jealous. 169 00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:43,597 That's the whole dynamic of your relationship. 170 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:44,732 What's that supposed to mean? 171 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,199 Well, it's like this, my man. 172 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:49,970 Every good relationship has a reacher and a settler. 173 00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:53,006 Exactly. One person reaches for someone out of their league, 174 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,809 the other one settles for someone below theirs. 175 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,411 I did not settle for Lily. 176 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,548 Okay, yes, she's a little short, 177 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:06,219 and true, my mom says she doesn't have the hips to birth an Eriksen child, but it... 178 00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:07,755 Oh, my God, you guys think I'm the reacher. 179 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,690 That's why Lily's not jealous. 180 00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:11,825 The settler is never jealous of the reacher 181 00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:14,762 because where's the reacher gonna go? 182 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:18,532 The settler, Lily, is the best thing that the reacher, Marshall, is ever gonna get. 183 00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,602 No! Okay, yes, I'm lucky to have Lily, 184 00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:25,673 but Lily is just as lucky to have me! 185 00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,941 Okay? Neither one of us is the reacher. 186 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:31,311 Dude, you are so the reacher. You're getting her a horse. 187 00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:32,613 (LAUGHING) 188 00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,048 What? 189 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,584 Shh. Take the hit. Take the hit. 190 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:43,290 Thus ending modern architecture's very brief experiment 191 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,958 with the V-frame house. 192 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:51,364 Um. Excuse me for a second. What are you doing here? 193 00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,667 (LOUDLY) I noticed you forgot something this morning, 194 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,235 so I thought I'd bring it by. 195 00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,336 Your pen. 196 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,805 This is your pen. 197 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,107 And you chewed on the end of this recently. 198 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:01,842 Not a problem, Ted. 199 00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,343 Your class was on my way to work... No, it's not. 200 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,478 ...at Come On, Get Up, New York, 201 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,947 where I'm an anchor, so... 202 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:09,149 I watch your show all the time. 203 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,186 What? You watch the show? 204 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:16,389 Oh! Well, paint me flattered! Any other fans out there? 205 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,891 Oh! We got... Okay, all right. 206 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,159 Thanks for coming by, Robin. 207 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,193 Well, tune in tonight. 208 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,730 I'm doing a great piece on snail poison. 209 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,500 Also, who's got the worst pizza in New York? 210 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:32,806 I'll give you the answer after traffic on the ones, threes, fives, and nines. 211 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,442 Really? You guys watch her show? 212 00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:38,979 It's like watching a well-lit aquarium, but not as interesting. 213 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,948 And now that I think about it, not as well lit. 214 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:44,584 Well, the truth is, we watch it for the drinking game. 215 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,486 The who now? 216 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,388 Her morning show comes on so early 217 00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:49,990 we're usually still at the bar, 218 00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,925 so whenever she does an interview, 219 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,862 you have to drink every time she says "but, um." 220 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,565 "But, um"? "But, um." 221 00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:01,234 Apparently, she says it a lot. 222 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,871 It's funny. I had a drinking game based on Robin, 223 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,873 but it was actually on Robin. 224 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,274 I'd pour Peach Schnapps in her belly button... 225 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,475 Dude, we agreed we wouldn't do this. 226 00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,010 Sorry. You're right. 227 00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:12,946 She didn't like it anyway. Said it woke her up. 228 00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:17,517 Does she really say "but, um" that much? 229 00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,854 OLDER TED: That night, we found out just how much she said it. 230 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,422 That's great, but, um... 231 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:23,724 "But, um." Nice. 232 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,358 This wasn't your first spelling bee, was it? 233 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,559 Nope. Third. 234 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,462 Oh! Good for you, but, um... 235 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,331 But, um. But, um. 236 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,834 But, um... But, um... But, um... But, um... But, um... 237 00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:38,105 But, um... But, um... But, um... But, um... But, um... But, um... 238 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,372 (LAUGHING) 239 00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:40,373 (SLURRING INDISTINCTLY) 240 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:44,177 (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY) 241 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:48,749 Hmm. 242 00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:51,584 Interesting article in the paper. 243 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,755 Says that in every relationship there's a reacher and a settler. 244 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,023 Really? Let me see it. 245 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,391 It's not in this newspaper. 246 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,127 It's in one I read awhile back. 247 00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:04,631 This newspaper reminded me of the other newspaper. Anyhoo... 248 00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:06,633 What do you think about that? 249 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,936 Well, I guess sometimes that's the case. 250 00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:11,471 But not in ours. 251 00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,006 What? No, of course not. 252 00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,274 Right. 253 00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:20,180 Well, say, gun to your head, 254 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:24,017 you had to say one of us was the reacher. 255 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:28,021 Well, I'd say it's neither. That's what makes us great. 256 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:31,424 Okay, now, there's a gun to my head, 257 00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:34,227 and our future children, and our future cat or monkey, 258 00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:35,763 depending on who wins the game of Risk 259 00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,731 we've been playing for three years. 260 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,433 Nope. No reacher, no settler. 261 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,169 Mmm. Mmm. 262 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,238 Well, how about this... 263 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,774 OLDER TED: This went on for a while. 264 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,243 Until finally... 265 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:55,148 Our two kids, our eight grandkids, our 11 great-grandkids 266 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:59,152 are all on a plane piloted by Oprah, 267 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,922 and it's about to crash into an art museum 268 00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:03,590 with all of your favorite paintings, 269 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:06,259 and the only way, the only way to save everything, 270 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,228 is just to answer the question. 271 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,463 Are you the reacher or the settler? 272 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,167 And Oprah's tried everything? 273 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,804 Everything! You have to decide now! 274 00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,572 (SIGHING) 275 00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:23,343 Well, I guess if I had to say, then maybe I'd say 276 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:25,512 I'm the settler. 277 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,247 How could you say that? 278 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:30,517 She thinks that she's the settler. 279 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:34,822 I mean, that's it. I gotta prove to her that I am not the reacher. 280 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,089 I gotta make her jealous. 281 00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,557 Well, that's easy. Here's the plan. 282 00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,793 Step one, sleep with Jenkins. 283 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:42,062 Step two, I sleep with Jenkins first. 284 00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,064 Step three, we do step two first. 285 00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,266 I'm gonna go get started on step two. 286 00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:50,037 Okay, okay, I got something. 287 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,438 Remember the other night, the skee ball game? 288 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,306 When you were putting nothing but wood in the 50-hole? 289 00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:55,943 Whatever. Just another night for Big Fudge. 290 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,477 (KABOOM PLAYING) 291 00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:01,048 * Hello, baby, ooh! 292 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,117 * Swish, sock, bonk, ping 293 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,553 * Hello, baby, ooh! 294 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:11,691 * Fad, flip, flop, wing 295 00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,593 * Ooh! 296 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,763 * Swish, sock, bonk, ping 297 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,398 * Hello, baby * 298 00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:20,968 You thought she was into me? 299 00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:23,837 Full-on lady wood. 300 00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:29,409 Yes. Of course. A plan taketh shape. 301 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:34,781 If Lady Lily's jealousy young Marshall cannot budge, 302 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,284 then perchance, fair gentles, 303 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:41,922 Big Fudge can make her jealous. 304 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:42,990 Okay, let me try that again. 305 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:44,591 If Lady Lily... 306 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,093 I got it, buddy. I got it. 307 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:51,999 Ted, I have got a great idea. 308 00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,701 Is it clean your hair out of the shower drain when you're done? 309 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,304 Seriously, it's like you're trying to carpet the tub. 310 00:13:57,370 --> 00:14:00,640 If you wanted to print out one of your lectures or something, 311 00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:05,879 I could read it on air. Coming from a more entertaining source, 312 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:08,415 your students might actually pay attention and learn something. 313 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,617 Oh! You're entertaining? 314 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,585 Last night there was three minutes of dead air 315 00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,787 while you sewed a button back on your sweater. 316 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,824 Look, just because your class likes me more than you... 317 00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,326 You're a drinking game! 318 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,361 What? 319 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:22,996 That's why they watch. They made a drinking game out of you. 320 00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,966 Every time you say "but, um," they do a shot. 321 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:28,368 "But, um"? Yeah. 322 00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:31,571 I don't say "but, um." I have never said "but, um." 323 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,740 Well, then I guess it's not a very good drinking game, 324 00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,742 which would mean last night, when Barney and I played it, 325 00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:39,612 I didn't get super wasted and throw up all over myself. 326 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:44,217 (LAUGHING) Wait! I did both of those things, so face! 327 00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,489 Hey, Jenkins. Hey, buddy. 328 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:54,561 Hey, so Lily and I are gonna go back to that college bar again, 329 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:57,197 and we were wondering if maybe you wanted to come. 330 00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,499 You could just, like, watch me play skee ball, 331 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:02,435 or do exactly what you did the other night. Something like that. 332 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:05,272 It's really up to you. I mean, I know that... 333 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,012 (SCREAMING) 334 00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:21,021 (CONTINUES SCREAMING) 335 00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:26,893 Hey, baby, what are you doing home? 336 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,997 "Baby"? That's a name I don't deserve. 337 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:31,931 What? 338 00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:32,699 Jenkins kissed me. 339 00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,735 She kissed me. 340 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:39,072 The other day she saw me play skee ball, and I don't know, 341 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,608 I guess she caught some of the Big Fudge fever. 342 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:44,844 But you have to know, I stopped it right away, 343 00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:47,414 and you're the only one for me, baby. 344 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:52,019 Oh, I see what this is. 345 00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:55,122 This is about the whole reacher-settler thing. 346 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,057 Come again for Big Fudge? 347 00:15:57,124 --> 00:16:00,827 You want to make me jealous, so you're making up a story about Jenkins. 348 00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:03,863 I'm not making this up! This happened! 349 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:06,233 That woman kissed me, with tongue. 350 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,368 Her tongue was in my mouth! 351 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,303 Sure it was. 352 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:13,706 It was thick and rough, like a starfish arm! 353 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:17,077 I'm so jealous! I'm just gonna go over there 354 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,811 and punch her right in the nose. 355 00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:21,214 Give her a knuckle sandwich! 356 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,483 Come on, baby. You want some soup? 357 00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,987 It happened! 358 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:31,358 Do you have any split-pea left? 359 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,064 These are just a few of the many contributions he made to architecture, 360 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:40,567 and yet, he is only remembered for one thing. 361 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:46,073 That, my friends, is the sad legacy of Gregorio Francetti Gazebo. 362 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,476 Any questions? 363 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,444 Hey, do you want to go out drinking with us tonight? 364 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,146 What? Yeah, we were gonna play 365 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,681 the Robin Scherbatsky drinking game. 366 00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:57,417 We were wondering if you wanted to join us. 367 00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:01,554 Well, what can I say except, "But-ums up." 368 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:06,093 Can I still come? 369 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,128 I'll pay. 370 00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,363 (ALL MURMUR IN AGREEMENT) 371 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:14,067 So, your third book was your breakout novel, but, um... 372 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,035 But, um! But, um! 373 00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:19,339 Damn! Sorry. 374 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:23,343 But... Just "but," no "um." Just "but." 375 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:26,879 Your first novel was written more quickly. 376 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,047 That's correct. But, um... 377 00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,682 But, um! But, um! 378 00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:32,685 How great is this? 379 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,490 OLDER TED: And it was right then that Robin got an idea 380 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,526 that would end the drinking game forever. 381 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,129 I wanted to ask you about the novel 382 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,596 you're writing right now, but, um... 383 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,298 But, um! But, um! 384 00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,267 It's an idea you've had for a... But, um... 385 00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:48,368 But, um! But, um! 386 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,302 ...time. But, um... 387 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,105 But, um! But, um! 388 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,407 No. No, no, no. Don't drink. It's a trap. 389 00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,110 I think I'm gonna go. You can keep your 10 bucks. 390 00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,912 Okay, but, um, thanks for being with us. 391 00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:02,415 But, um, if there's any college kids watching, 392 00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:05,218 but-um, but-um, but-um, but-um, but-um, but-um, but-um, but-um... 393 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,687 We have to drink, professor. It's the rules. 394 00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,423 She said "but, um." 395 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,694 God help us all. 396 00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:19,432 There you are. 397 00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:22,001 I'm so sorry I kissed you yesterday. 398 00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,770 That's okay. 399 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,738 And I'm sorry I had sex with you in the mail room. 400 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,874 That wasn't me. 401 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,378 Good grief! That's two awkward conversations I have to have today. 402 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,181 I don't normally do that. I was really drunk. 403 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,648 You were drunk at 8:00 in the morning? 404 00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,884 Yeah, I don't know how that happened. 405 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,153 ROBIN: I thought snail pellets were safe, but, um... 406 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,588 But, um! But, um! 407 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,827 I gotta get to work. 408 00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:52,131 Man, that game is really catching on. 409 00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:53,633 Damn it! How could I do this? 410 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:54,667 It's okay. 411 00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,669 No, you know what? It's not okay. 412 00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:58,805 You're the nicest guy in this stupid office, 413 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:01,841 and I really don't want to screw up our friendship. 414 00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,544 This is so embarrassing. Please don't tell anyone. 415 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:09,015 No, who am I gonna tell? Lily? I told Lily. 416 00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,984 For Pete's sake. Well, I gotta go talk to her. I gotta apologize. 417 00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,986 No! No! No! Yes. 418 00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:17,056 Marshall, I'm just gonna tell her that it happened, that it meant nothing, 419 00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:17,890 and that I'm sorry. 420 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,226 No, I... 421 00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:25,965 Yes. Yes. Do that. 422 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,300 I will. Yeah, 423 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,701 and if you don't have time for all that, 424 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:31,838 just tell her it happened and that you're sorry. 425 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,973 And if you're in a real rush, you don't even have to say "I'm sorry." 426 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,408 Just tell her that it happened. 427 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:38,177 That's the important part, that it actually happened. 428 00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:41,948 So, emphasize that as much as you can. 429 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,252 And so, Lily, I guess what I'm saying is, it happened. 430 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:48,755 I feel terrible about it, and I'm really sorry. 431 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:51,858 Well, it happened. 432 00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:56,128 What are you gonna do? It happened. Terrible. 433 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,598 But like I said, it happened. 434 00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:00,400 Exactly. And I feel awful about it. 435 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:03,703 And I'd hate myself if what I did hurt you in any way, 436 00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,972 or affected your relationship with Marshall. 437 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,275 Please forgive me. 438 00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:10,477 Kiss my husband? My husband? 439 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,446 Nobody kisses my future baby-daddy but me! 440 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,048 (LILY GRUNTING) 441 00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:17,083 Marshall, you're blocking the shot! 442 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,751 Well, I... 443 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,086 OLDER TED: And, kids, your Uncle Marshall 444 00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,455 never tried to make Lily jealous again. 445 00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:23,456 Lil! That's good. 446 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:34,867 Okay, we're just gonna have a nice low-key class today. 447 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:40,239 Not a lot of talking. No loud noises. 448 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,512 Sup, guys? 449 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,481 No, no, no, no, no. Please, just go away. 450 00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:51,318 I just wanted to drop by and say... 451 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:52,985 (SIREN BLARING) 452 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:57,089 Thanks for watching, Come on, Get Up, New York! 453 00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,458 Whoo! 454 00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:04,464 But, um!