1 00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,338 OLDER TED: In November, 2009, Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily 2 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:07,308 hosted the first Thanksgiving at their very own apartment. 3 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,343 And Marshall had found the perfect turkey. 4 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:12,546 Oh, baby, it is beautiful. 5 00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:15,416 It's 22 pounds. It's organic. 6 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,351 You remember my bald Uncle Heinrek? 7 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,653 It looks exactly like his head. 8 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:25,293 Oh, my God. My turkey. My turkey! 9 00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,161 OLDER TED: So, when we showed up for the big day, 10 00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:28,396 Marshall was pretty bummed out. 11 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:29,630 Well, we got the turkey. 12 00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:31,199 No. You didn't. 13 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,501 You got the pathetic replacement turkey. 14 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,503 Damn it, you know, why didn't I just listen to the prerecorded voice 15 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,672 of former Mayor Ed Koch reminding me to take my belongings? 16 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:41,242 No, Marshall, you don't understand. 17 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,411 Robin and I went to the Port Authority Lost and Found, 18 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:46,114 and there, sitting in their fridge... 19 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:49,783 Marshall Eriksen, is this your turkey? 20 00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:52,120 Yes! That's my turkey! 21 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,388 Come here, you handsome little bastard! 22 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,757 Okay, I'm going to go put this in the oven. Okay. 23 00:00:56,790 --> 00:01:00,228 Oh, my God! You guys are the best friends ever! 24 00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:02,696 It was totally a team effort. I'm so... 25 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,268 Guys, I don't know what to say. 26 00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,570 I mean, it's Thanksgiving, but "thanks" just doesn't seem like enough. 27 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,739 Come on, buddy, you would've done the same thing for us. 28 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,475 Yeah, I would, and you know why? Because I love you guys. 29 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,210 And I'm gonna show you just how much. 30 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:19,180 Ted Mosby, Robin Scherbatsky, 31 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:23,217 I bequeath unto you the fourth slap. 32 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,186 Wait, what? 33 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,687 OLDER TED: Kids, you remember 34 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,556 Barney and Marshall's Slap Bet. 35 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,791 When Barney lost, Marshall won the right to slap Barney 36 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,826 five times as hard as he could. 37 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,762 So far, he'd used three of those five slaps. 38 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:37,831 (BARNEY GRUNTS) 39 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,500 OLDER TED: With the third being doled out exactly two years earlier 40 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:42,470 on Thanksgiving Day, 2007. 41 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:46,374 A day that history came to know as "Slapsgiving." 42 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,776 Are you saying... What we think you're saying? 43 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:51,479 Probably not. 44 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:55,283 Unless you think I'm saying, "Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap," 45 00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:58,619 in which case, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying! 46 00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:01,589 No way! Uh-uh. Slaps aren't transferable. 47 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,324 Lily is the Slap Bet Commissioner. Lil? 48 00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:05,459 You... 49 00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:06,827 Slaps are transferable. No! 50 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,862 Transferable! Transferable! 51 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,931 Wait, Marshall, you realize you'll only have one left after this. 52 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,367 Are you sure you want to spend this slap today? 53 00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:16,270 Life is short. I figured, "Slap-e diem." 54 00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:19,240 Okay, rule number one, the slap must occur before sundown, 55 00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:19,907 so as not to interfere with Lily's meal. 56 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,843 Damn straight. 57 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,645 Two, you guys have to decide amongst yourselves who gets to do it. 58 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:27,615 Three, we're going to tie Barney to this chair, 59 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,950 which shall henceforth be referred to as the slapping throne. 60 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,419 Sound fair? Totally. 61 00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:33,921 Amazing. Absolutely not! 62 00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,923 OLDER TED: It was all set to be the best Thanksgiving ever, until... 63 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,258 (DOORBELL RINGS) 64 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:40,328 Are we expecting somebody else? 65 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,696 OLDER TED: It was someone Lily hadn't seen or spoken to in three years. 66 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:45,599 Dad. 67 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:03,751 OLDER TED: Now, Lily and her dad, Mickey, had always had a tough relationship. 68 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:06,720 Mickey's dream was to invent the next great American board game, 69 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,522 but his ideas were always a little off. 70 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,324 Daddy? Yeah? 71 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,792 You missed my ballet recital. 72 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:14,228 Yes, sweetie, but, look! 73 00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:16,997 I just put the finishing touches on my new, hit board game. 74 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,466 Tijuana Slumlord. 75 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,336 Daddy? Uh-huh. 76 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,004 You missed my gymnastics meet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 77 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,839 But this is the one! 78 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,576 Car Battery. 79 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,344 "How Long Can You Hold On?" 80 00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:32,646 (LAUGHING) 81 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,715 Ah, here, princess. Grab these. 82 00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:38,519 Daddy? Hmm? 83 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,987 I had a nightmare. 84 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,990 Oh, sweetie. 85 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,726 Here. Come play Daddy's new game. 86 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,761 There's a Clown Demon Under the Bed! 87 00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:49,897 (SCREAMING) 88 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,565 OLDER TED: Her whole life, Mickey disappointed Lily, 89 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,166 and she always put up with it, 90 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:57,705 until one day in 2006, when Lily went to visit her grandparents. 91 00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,408 So, Rita, are you excited about the big move to Florida? 92 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,476 Actually, dear, slight change of plans. 93 00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:04,812 We're staying here for the time being. 94 00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:07,748 We had a slight financial hiccup. 95 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,718 MICKEY: Ma! The straw to my juice box broke! 96 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,321 (SCOFFS) 97 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,788 Ma, chop-chop! 98 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:20,728 Oh, hey, guys. What a pleasant surprise. 99 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,063 Dad, what happened to your apartment? 100 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,799 Oh, well, I had a little falling-out with my roommate. 101 00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,901 What happened? Uh, he wanted me to pay rent. 102 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,337 (CLEARS THROAT) Got kind of ugly. 103 00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,071 Dad! You should be paying rent, 104 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,973 not living in your parents' basement. 105 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,576 Hey, it's not my first choice. 106 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:39,347 Having the old farts right upstairs is crimping my style a bit. 107 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,649 Clearly, they're not getting the whole sock-on-the-doorknob thing. 108 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:42,750 Oh, they caught you with a girl? 109 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:46,086 In a way. 110 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,788 MORRIS: Bye, sweetheart. I'm off to work. 111 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,623 Work? You're retired. 112 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,592 Now that I have an extra mouth to feed, 113 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,694 I had to go back to the steel mill. 114 00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:56,697 Rita? Where's my truss? 115 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,467 So, not only did you stop them from moving to Florida, 116 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,035 but now you forced Grandpa to go back to work? 117 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:05,406 Just until I get Aldrin Games Unlimited off the ground, 118 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:09,677 with my new sensation, Dog Fight Promoter. 119 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,111 OLDER TED: And then Lily gave her dad a look 120 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,348 that Marshall had only seen a few times before, 121 00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:17,050 a look we all prayed never to be on the receiving end of. 122 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,919 Her you're-dead-to-me look. 123 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,460 Which brings us back to Thanksgiving of 2009. 124 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:29,797 Hey, princess. I brought Diseases! 125 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:30,864 (LAUGHS) 126 00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:39,807 My God! What is my father doing here? 127 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,610 I don't know, but maybe we should let him in and find out. 128 00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,545 No, I don't want to see him! Get rid of him! 129 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:54,555 Hey, Mickey. Just hang tight, okay? 130 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,424 We'll work this out. 131 00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:59,059 Take your time, amigo. I'm okay, as long as I have "Diseases!" 132 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,728 The fun's infectious. 133 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:01,895 (LAUGHS) 134 00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:02,630 (LAUGHS POLITELY) 135 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:11,572 God, I hope Lily's okay. Me, too. 136 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,707 She doesn't talk about it much, 137 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,509 but this thing with her dad causes her a lot of pain. 138 00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:17,578 Just tell me which one of you is gonna slap me! 139 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,580 What? I'm dying over here! 140 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,148 Ted reaches for a chip, I flinch! 141 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,050 Robin fixes her hair, I flinch! 142 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,719 I'm doing so much flinching. It's bad for my skin. 143 00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,120 I'm getting crow's feet. Crow's feet! 144 00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,692 Lily, come on. It's been three years, okay? 145 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,527 That's long enough. 146 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:36,664 Having him in my life causes me nothing but stress. 147 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:39,066 It's just easier for him to be dead to me. 148 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,635 Okay, Lily, look. 149 00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:44,004 I supported you when our neighbor, Mr. Ossias, was dead to you. 150 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,775 Hey! That's our newspaper. 151 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,477 You'll get it back in 15 minutes. 152 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,046 Make it 20. I had a steak last night. 153 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:05,058 And I was fine when your bridesmaid, Whitney, was dead to you. 154 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,095 Lily! You look so amazing! 155 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,697 That dress is gorgeous! 156 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,899 Thanks, guys. Hmm. 157 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,034 I...I'm just not a fan of strapless. 158 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:26,847 I even understood when Mr. Park from the bodega downstairs was dead to you. 159 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,517 One coffee, please. But only if you have decaf. 160 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:30,684 I don't want to be up all night. 161 00:07:30,718 --> 00:07:31,919 $1.50. 162 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,690 Coffee, regular. $1.50. 163 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,197 Excuse me. Are you sure mine was decaf? 164 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:46,800 You just used the same pot. 165 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,235 I lie to him. Okay? 166 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,570 Okay. 167 00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,977 You son of a bitch. 168 00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:00,213 That was not decaf! 169 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:12,092 I supported you with all of those random people, 170 00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,261 but this is your father. 171 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,997 Okay, can't we at least just give him some turkey? 172 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,866 No. Come on, Lily. 173 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,968 Please, I can't ask the guy to leave on Thanksgiving. 174 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,170 Oh, you don't have to ask. 175 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,773 Just tell him that it's really important that he be here. 176 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,240 And before you know it, 177 00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,677 he'll be at a board game convention in Toledo, 178 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:33,747 giving your braces money to some guy claiming to be Milton Bradley. 179 00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:36,216 He was just out trying to provide for the family. 180 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:40,320 No. No, that's what my mom did by working two jobs. 181 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:44,992 Marshall, that man broke my heart every single day for 20 years. 182 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,529 Well, then we'll just give him some dark meat. 183 00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:54,134 No, seriously, Robin, you should get the slap. 184 00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,570 I mean, you're a great slapper. 185 00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:59,106 In fact, I want to study slapping under your tutelage. 186 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:02,309 I want to be your slap-prentice. 187 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:05,779 Don't sell yourself short there, Teddy. You're a slapping rock star. 188 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,881 Your name should be Eric Slap-ton. 189 00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,917 Okay, okay, guys, this is torture. 190 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,251 Just put me in the chair... Slapping throne. 191 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,053 ...and get it over with! 192 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,855 Okay, he's all yours. 193 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:15,488 No, no, no, no. It's you, I insist. 194 00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:16,824 Okay, I'll do it. Great. 195 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,592 Wait, what? 196 00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:19,727 I'm just saying, I'll slap him. 197 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,896 What, so that's just, like, the end of the discussion? 198 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,297 Well, you said I could slap him. 199 00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:25,866 Uh... 200 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,235 I was just being nice. 201 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,704 If anyone's gonna slap him, it's gonna be me. 202 00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,172 No, it's not. 203 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,644 This is interesting. 204 00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,814 Lily, he's family, okay? 205 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:44,217 And I'm sorry, but you just don't cut off family. 206 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,887 (SCOFFS) Well, that's easy for you to say when you come from the most 207 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,690 ridiculously close family in the world. 208 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,024 We are not ridiculously close. 209 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,893 Really? Yeah. 210 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,696 What about the Eriksen family dinner every single Sunday? 211 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,865 Everything looks delicious, Mother Eriksen. 212 00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:00,233 Thank you, Papa Bear. 213 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:03,637 Marshall, would you like to say grace? 214 00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:06,707 Well, I would be happy to, Mother. 215 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,608 Everyone, please join hands. 216 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,649 Dear Lord... 217 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,985 I'm sorry, but that's weird. 218 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:21,354 A family should be that close. And I want our future family to be that close, 219 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,023 and that includes your dad. 220 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,258 I can't believe you're taking his side. 221 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,928 Lily... Let me be clear on this. 222 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:33,333 That man will never cross the threshold into this home, ever! 223 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,769 It's just gonna be, like, five more minutes. 224 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,370 Hopefully soon, amigo. 225 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:40,708 I'm fighting a losing battle with hemorrhoids here. 226 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:41,408 That's one of the diseases? 227 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:43,811 No. 228 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:50,383 Ted, there is an hour before the sun sets, 229 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,019 at which point, neither one of us gets to slap Barney. 230 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,421 So, just let me have it. 231 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,323 I'm the one who had the idea to call the Port Authority Lost and Found. 232 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,958 That's a good point. Rebuttal? 233 00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,927 I'm the one who slipped the guy a 20! 234 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,962 Philosophical conundrum. Idea versus execution. 235 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,197 Please discuss at length. 236 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:06,233 I carried that huge turkey all the way up here. 237 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,901 I paid for cab fare. 238 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:10,070 Well, you slept with one of my best friends! 239 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,205 What? You said you were okay with that. 240 00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:13,807 Well, I'm not! 241 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,308 Well, why didn't you say something at the time? 242 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,144 Because I'm still in love with you! 243 00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,250 Do you really want to slap Barney so bad 244 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,885 that you would lie about being in love with me? 245 00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:28,756 I really want to slap him, okay? 246 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:32,125 Yes, your dad has made some mistakes in the past, but he's a different person now. 247 00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,061 He's moved out of your grandparents' house. 248 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,229 He's got a job. He's paying off his IRS debts. 249 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,931 Wait, how do you know all that? 250 00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:40,934 Like, body language. 251 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,938 Okay, well, yeah, we met for a drink last week. 252 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,777 I miss her a ton. Little princess. 253 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,513 She ever talk about me? 254 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:57,084 Yeah. Yeah, like, all the time. Um... 255 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:59,052 She tells this one really sweet story about... 256 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:02,322 So never, huh? No, not a word. 257 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:06,126 But it doesn't have to be that way. We can fix this, right? 258 00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:07,895 (SCOFFS) 259 00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:11,298 You know, I always thought it'd get fixed at the wedding. 260 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,800 I even wrote a toast. 261 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,936 But then, no invite. 262 00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:21,842 Hell, I haven't even seen a wedding photo. 263 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:25,879 MARSHALL: And then, right before my eyes, your father broke down crying. 264 00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:26,947 (CRYING) 265 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:31,218 That's it! You're coming to Thanksgiving! 266 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,855 You invited him? 267 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:38,358 The guy was, like, blubbering. What was I going to do? 268 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,427 And then, some jerk at the next table called him a sissy, 269 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,895 which I thought was totally uncalled for. 270 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,430 I can't believe you. 271 00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,999 Marshall, what gives you the right to do that? 272 00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:48,368 You and I are married. And that means he's my family, too. 273 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:59,312 Mickey, come on in. 274 00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:16,163 Ted, you better roll quickly. Your gallbladder's about to burst. 275 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,031 You know, Mickey, it's been, like, half an hour. 276 00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,900 I think we should go look for Lily. Nah. 277 00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,601 She just needs some time to cool down. Let's finish the game. 278 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,137 Yeah, play another round. Best of seven! 279 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:26,940 Damn it, Robin! I've known Barney the longest. 280 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,375 I get to slap him. 281 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:31,945 That slap is mine, Mosby. I've never slapped Barney 282 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:34,547 above the waist. 283 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,216 Look, I've wanted to slap Barney since the moment I met him! 284 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,250 ROBIN: You don't think that I want to slap Barney? 285 00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:38,886 I've waited so... 286 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,553 Wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute! 287 00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:43,523 This slap was supposed to be a wonderful thing, a gift, 288 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,258 and look, it's turned us against each other. 289 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:49,262 My God, you're right. 290 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:52,065 This once pure fruit has turned into a poisoned slap-ple. 291 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,535 You know what? Seriously, you take it. 292 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,004 Are you sure? 293 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:57,837 Slap-solutely. 294 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,641 I really think that we should go look for Lily. 295 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:05,012 Ted? Gallbladder about to pop. 296 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:06,446 Okay, it's decided. 297 00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:09,049 Barney, come on. Get in the throne. 298 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,650 Are you... Yep. Come on. 299 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,953 (STUTTERING) Well, you... 300 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,522 Well, I guess that is the best decision, Robin. 301 00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:18,425 I mean, men are stronger than women. 302 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,227 Don't listen to him. 303 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,329 Okay? It's been decided. Okay. 304 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,597 I mean, that's what you've always wanted, isn't it, Robin? 305 00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:28,035 A strong man to take care of you? 306 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,503 I mean, sure, growing up, you were a scrapper, 307 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:34,607 playing hockey with the boys, skinning your knees on the ice. 308 00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,609 But what you couldn't tell your teammates, 309 00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,913 what you couldn't even tell yourself, 310 00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:44,651 was that all you really wanted was that pretty, white dress 311 00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,454 in that pretty, white chapel. 312 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,923 And at the end of that center aisle, 313 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:53,393 strewn with pretty, white flowers, 314 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:57,264 a man, to do all of your slapping for you. 315 00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,398 Let me at him! Robin! Come on! 316 00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,699 Hold on! 317 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,969 Whoa! 318 00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:04,504 Oh, my God. What just happened? 319 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:08,375 Sorry, Ted. Gallbladder burst. You move back three spaces. 320 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,644 You come in here, 321 00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,646 and you watch your daughter leave and you don't even care. 322 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,516 And now you've destroyed Thanksgiving dinner! 323 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,518 Lily worked all day on this! 324 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,587 Relax. It's not real bile. 325 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,190 It's just lead-based paint from China. 326 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:25,558 And horse bile. 327 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,727 OLDER TED: And at that moment, Marshall gave Mickey a look 328 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,431 none of us had ever seen him give anyone. 329 00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:32,699 What's this? What's he doing? 330 00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:34,434 Did you swallow some of that paint? 331 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,703 This is my you're-dead-to-me look. 332 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,638 Oh. Okay. 333 00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:40,140 Yeah, you know, Lily's is so much better... 334 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,541 Get out of my house! 335 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,413 Hey. 336 00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:51,384 Mr. Park's, huh? This is the last place I expected to find you. 337 00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:53,086 Marshall... 338 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,023 Lily, I'm sorry. But just hear me out. 339 00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:59,092 I used to think that family was a right. 340 00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:01,428 But it's not. It's a privilege, and it has to be earned. 341 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,564 I kicked your dad out. 342 00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:09,336 And I promise, baby, I will never make you see him again. 343 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,771 Now what? Baby, what, what, what happened? 344 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,674 Marshall, I came in here because it was cold 345 00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,643 and this was the only place that was open. 346 00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:19,212 I wasn't even gonna look Mr. Park in the eye. 347 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,515 And then I found out 348 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:23,583 Mr. Park died. 349 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,719 Oh, my God. 350 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,722 He really is dead to me. 351 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:34,227 And if I feel this bad about never making up with Mr. Park, 352 00:16:34,261 --> 00:16:37,130 a guy who meant literally nothing to me, 353 00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:38,631 (CRYING) 354 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,036 we gotta go get my dad. 355 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,672 Okay. Here. 356 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,275 OLDER TED: So that's how on Thanksgiving, 2009, 357 00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:51,111 your Aunt Lily performed a miracle. 358 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,012 She brought a man back from the dead. 359 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,450 Everyone. Before we get started, 360 00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:03,223 Barney, we're going to need you on the slapping throne. 361 00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,792 Slap Bet Commissioner, surely tying me to a chair is a breach... 362 00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:08,561 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Less yapping, more slapping. 363 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:12,365 Ted, Robin. It's two minutes until sundown. 364 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,367 Have you guys decided which one of you is 365 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,503 going to get to slap Barney right in his face? 366 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,240 It's gonna be Ted. 367 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,409 What? Why me? 368 00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:27,147 Last year, you got left at the altar. You lost your job. 369 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,548 (SIGHS) But you've come such a long way since then. 370 00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:32,719 I'm so proud of you, Ted. 371 00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:36,223 You deserve to slap someone in his face as hard as you can. 372 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,691 Thanks. 373 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:39,592 Oh, this is the worst. 374 00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:49,269 Mama! 375 00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:53,406 No, Robin. Look. You just went through your own breakup, 376 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,508 and while I know you and Barney left it on good terms, 377 00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:59,812 isn't there some part of you, deep down, that wants to slap him 378 00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:00,680 right in his face? 379 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:02,882 There is. 380 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,317 I know there is. 381 00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:05,552 This is basically hell on Earth. 382 00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,590 All right. 383 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,560 Don't. 384 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,727 TED: You got this. 385 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,429 It hurts! 386 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,598 No. I can't do it. 387 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,500 I can't take this from you, Ted. 388 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:21,601 Nor I, you. 389 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,536 Thank God. 390 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,406 So, I'd like to make a gesture. Mickey? 391 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,708 Oh, no way! 392 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:31,544 I'm glad you and Lily are trying to work things out. 393 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:35,415 So, to welcome you to our little family, 394 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,150 I'd like to offer you this slap. 395 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:38,651 Really? 396 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,622 Well, I feel a little weird. 397 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:46,293 I just met Barney and I don't have anything against the guy. 398 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:50,230 But how often do you get a chance to slap someone right in his face? 399 00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:52,232 (CHUCKLES) 400 00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:53,300 (GRUNTS) 401 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:57,570 Soft! 402 00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:00,573 I'm sorry. I can't do it. 403 00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:01,941 (SIGHING) Thank God. 404 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,511 Lily, 405 00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,179 I know I haven't been much of a father to you. 406 00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:08,681 You are kidding me. 407 00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:12,252 So, for all the ballet recitals that I missed, 408 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:15,922 for all the art shows that I should've been at, 409 00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:19,492 for the wedding gift that I never got a chance to give to you, 410 00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:24,197 princess, I give this slap to you. 411 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:25,232 Oh, Daddy! 412 00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:28,768 No. No, no, no, no. 413 00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,237 She is the Slap Bet Commissioner. 414 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:31,938 She's supposed to remain impartial! 415 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,806 Slap Bet Commissioner says it's okay. 416 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,909 This is not good. 417 00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:38,878 Okay. 418 00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:40,980 Please, please, please. Let me, let me, let... Shh. 419 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,882 Just close your eyes. It'll be over soon. 420 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,854 Running through a meadow. 421 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:51,358 I can't do it. Why can't I do it? 422 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:56,429 Because this slap has done exactly what I hoped. 423 00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,365 It's brought us all closer together. 424 00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:02,269 And it's caused us to recognize both the frailty 425 00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:06,373 and the greatness in ourselves and each other. 426 00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:07,674 Oh, give me a break. 427 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:09,942 And that is why 428 00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:15,748 there will be no slap today. 429 00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:17,584 (EXCLAIMS) 430 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,652 (CHUCKLING) Oh, my God! 431 00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:21,220 This is the best Thanksgiving... 432 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,325 That's four! 433 00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:26,426 So, turkey? 434 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:35,935 ANNOUNCER: New from Aldrin Games Unlimited, it's Slap Bet, 435 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,571 the slap-happy game that's a real hit. 436 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,876 CHORUS: * You just got slapped 437 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,912 * across the face, my friend * 438 00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:46,846 ANNOUNCER: For kids of all ages. 439 00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:48,648 CHORUS: * You just got slapped 440 00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:51,851 * Oh, that really just happened * 441 00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:55,054 * Oh, everybody saw it, ha! 442 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,590 * Everybody laughed and clapped * 443 00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:58,358 * 'Cause it was awesome 444 00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:00,493 I win! 445 00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:01,661 * The way that you just got slapped * 446 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,830 ANNOUNCER: Slap yourself silly with Slap Bet, 447 00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:05,598 the happy hitting game from Aldrin.