1 00:00:02,587 --> 00:00:04,922 Great. So, I'll give you a call. 2 00:00:05,089 --> 00:00:06,090 Hope you do. 3 00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:07,383 All right. 4 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:10,011 Look at this. 5 00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:12,138 Hey, I just got that girl's number. 6 00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,182 Check it out. Holli. 7 00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:15,516 Nice! 8 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:19,312 Girls whose names end in "I-y" are always dirty. 9 00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:22,523 Holly, Kelly, Carly, Lily... 10 00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,694 Yeah, no, it's true. 11 00:00:27,111 --> 00:00:30,114 Don't even get me started on girls 12 00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:33,492 whose names should end in ","y but instead end in "."I 13 00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:35,870 those girls are like roller coasters. 14 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:38,234 You got to wait in a long line, but once you get up there, 15 00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:40,849 you just hold on for dear life and hope you don't drop your keys. 16 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:44,712 Hey, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna call her right now. 17 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:48,674 I'm gonna do that whole, "hey, remember me? It's been so long." 18 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,260 See, it's funny, because I just saw her. 19 00:00:51,344 --> 00:00:52,678 Dude, you can't call her. 20 00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:55,431 You have to wait three days to call a woman. That's the rule. 21 00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,308 Barney, that rule is completely played out. 22 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,827 Girls know exactly what you're doing. 23 00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:00,978 Hey! I got a new rule. 24 00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:05,358 It's kind of crazy, but I call it, "you like her, you call her." 25 00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:06,901 I'm sorry, can you repeat that? 26 00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,611 I don't speak i-never-get-laid. 27 00:01:10,029 --> 00:01:14,659 Barney, the three-days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that? 28 00:01:15,952 --> 00:01:17,078 Jesus. 29 00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:19,997 Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus. 30 00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:24,210 Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait three days thing. 31 00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:27,546 He waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect. 32 00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:29,048 If he'd have only waited one day, 33 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,109 a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. 34 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,594 They'd be all, "hey, Jesus, what up?" 35 00:01:33,678 --> 00:01:37,515 And Jesus would probably be like, "what up? I died yesterday." 36 00:01:38,057 --> 00:01:41,477 And then they'd be all, "you look pretty alive to me, dude." 37 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,980 And then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, 38 00:01:44,063 --> 00:01:45,314 and how it was a miracle. 39 00:01:45,398 --> 00:01:49,318 And then the dude would be like, "okay, whatever you say, bro." 40 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,822 Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now. 41 00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,949 And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday. 42 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,368 Everybody's busy doing chores. 43 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,412 Working the loom, trimming their beards. 44 00:01:59,495 --> 00:02:03,374 No. He waits the exact right number of days. 45 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:05,084 Three. 46 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:09,171 Okay, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking. 47 00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:12,216 Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. 48 00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:15,678 They're all in there, "oh, no, Jesus is dead." 49 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:19,640 Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. 50 00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:24,228 Everyone's totally psyched. And fyi, that's when he invented the high-five. 51 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:28,024 Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman, 52 00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:31,319 because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. 53 00:02:33,738 --> 00:02:34,780 True story. 54 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:53,090 Okay, fine. I promise. I won't call holli for three days. 55 00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:56,093 Older Ted: But I never said anything about texting. 56 00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,971 I started things off with something cute and charming. 57 00:02:59,055 --> 00:03:00,198 Ted: "I was thinking about you, 58 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:03,267 "so I thought I 'd send you a little texty text." 59 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:07,605 Older Ted: And the moment I hit "send," I realized it wasn't cute at all. 60 00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,649 It was the lamest thing anyone has ever said to anyone. 61 00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:15,154 And the worst thing about texting is that once you send it... 62 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,115 Oh! 63 00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:22,995 Older Ted: You can never get it back. 64 00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:25,414 And then, you wait. 65 00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:29,210 And just when you've decided never to text anyone ever again... 66 00:03:30,795 --> 00:03:33,130 Holli: "I've been thinking about you, too, 67 00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:37,218 "and how weird is it that you texted me while I was in the bath?" 68 00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,142 What was that? What? 69 00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:46,352 You made a noise. 70 00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,229 That was my phone. I got a text. 71 00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,815 Not that. You made your naked lady noise. 72 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:51,941 What? 73 00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,317 Whenever you see a naked lady, 74 00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,194 you make the noise... 75 00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,323 Idontdothat really? 76 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:04,120 Oh god, sorry, Lily. 77 00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,599 Man on TV: While the men are out hunting, 78 00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:12,837 the women of new Guinea's indigenous korowai tribe 79 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,256 wash their clothes in the river. 80 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,348 That's totally a boob. 81 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,102 Is that holli who keeps texting you? 82 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,895 Didn't you promise to wait three days? 83 00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:32,440 To call, yes. Texting is totally different. 84 00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:35,985 Okay, well, just try to keep the naked lady noises to a minimum. 85 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,446 I don't make a naked lady noise. 86 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,282 Really? 87 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:51,167 Older Ted: Holli and I stayed up texting until 2:00 in the morning. 88 00:04:51,876 --> 00:04:55,421 And we spent the whole next day texting each other, too. 89 00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:56,881 She seemed perfect. 90 00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:01,427 Oh wow. Holli just told me what she's wearing right now. 91 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:02,845 It is pretty hot. 92 00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,973 Yeah, whatever it is, I can guarantee you she's not wearing it. 93 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,534 She's lying to you to make you like her. 94 00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:09,310 How do you know that? 95 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:10,478 Mmm. 96 00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:12,897 Because no woman in the history of the world is ever 97 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,524 "just sitting around reading architecture magazines 98 00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:18,068 "in my old cheerleader uniform." 99 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:22,323 Okay, maybe she's lying about the architecture magazines. 100 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,616 Mmm-hmm. 101 00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:28,370 Oh, no. 102 00:05:28,871 --> 00:05:29,914 Oh, no, this is bad. 103 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:30,998 What? 104 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:35,085 She just sent me a text that was clearly meant for someone else. 105 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:40,382 "Hey, baby, I picked up some take out from generro's. Be home soon." 106 00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:43,761 Okay, yes, this sounds bad, but let's think about this, okay? 107 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:47,723 It could be for a brother or maybe her sick dad. 108 00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,225 Scroll down. 109 00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:53,854 "And then I want you to do me on the couch." 110 00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,441 Okay, maybe not a sick dad. 111 00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,819 Or a very sick dad. Am I right? 112 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,281 Sorry. 113 00:06:05,658 --> 00:06:06,867 Hey, guys. 114 00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:08,327 Hey. Hey. 115 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,579 What is this? 116 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:14,083 Oh. It's some take out from generro's. I'm bringing it home for Lily. 117 00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:19,088 That's weird. Holli just texted Ted something about take out from generro's. 118 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,550 Wait a second. 119 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,927 You sons of bitches! 120 00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,303 What? 121 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,180 You're holli. 122 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:36,021 So Ted hasn't been texting holli at all? 123 00:06:36,105 --> 00:06:37,606 He's been texting you two? 124 00:06:37,690 --> 00:06:40,776 Look, we knew he'd try to call her before the three days, 125 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:44,613 so I swiped his phone and I changed her number to my work cell. 126 00:06:44,697 --> 00:06:47,616 We were just gonna bust on him for calling her too soon, 127 00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:50,077 but then he started texting her. 128 00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:53,330 "Texty text"? 129 00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:57,876 Oh Ted. Oh poor, sweet Ted. We should... 130 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,169 We should tell him it's us. 131 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,254 Yeah. 132 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,842 We pretend we're holli, and we're in the bath. 133 00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:07,845 Yeah, that's better. 134 00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:14,977 That was fun. 135 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,329 We should tell him that it's us. 136 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,771 Yeah, we should. 137 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,609 We tell him our favorite color is red, 138 00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:24,570 and we think the "cowboy" look is very sexy. 139 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,697 Yeah, that's better. 140 00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:31,744 Ted: I'm wearing them right now, and they do look sexy. 141 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:34,663 He put on the boots! 142 00:07:34,747 --> 00:07:36,415 He totally put on the boots! 143 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,209 That was awesome! 144 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:42,963 But it's time to tell him who he really put those boots on for. 145 00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:44,840 Yeah. Or... 146 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,468 We just took off our shirt. 147 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,137 Yeah, that's better. 148 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:55,059 You think maybe we're wearing a black lace bra underneath? 149 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,479 I don't think we're wearing anything underneath. 150 00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:00,105 God, we're hot. 151 00:08:02,775 --> 00:08:05,319 Now he's only wearing the cowboy boots! 152 00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,321 It is on! It is so on! 153 00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:11,158 Okay, tell him that we're slowly slipping out of our... 154 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,912 What are we doing? 155 00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:18,791 I think that we're 156 00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:20,959 about to have sex with Ted. 157 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:28,759 So you did this to him all day? That's just mean. 158 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:32,346 No! No, no, it was actually for his own good. 159 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,557 We're protecting him from himself. He really likes this girl. 160 00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,142 He had that look in his eye. 161 00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:41,397 Yeah, that crazy "I'm about to move too fast and screw this up" look. 162 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,750 It was actually the same look he had on his first date with you. 163 00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:44,918 We all remember how that went. 164 00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,026 Yeah. 165 00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:48,028 I think I'm in love with you. 166 00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:49,196 What? 167 00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:52,533 Yeah, well, I think I was a special case. 168 00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:55,285 This holli is no Robin scherbatsky. 169 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:59,415 And what is the deal with her hair? I mean, newsflash, 170 00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:02,376 they make conditioners that don't leave a buildup. 171 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:03,836 I'm so bad. 172 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,839 Look, it's been a while since Ted really liked someone. 173 00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,550 He's clearly got a lot of crazy stored up. We just... 174 00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:11,385 We thought we'd get him to say, "I love you" 175 00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,303 before he makes contact with this girl. 176 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,614 And you can tell it's on the way. 177 00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,598 He's exhibiting all the telltale signs. 178 00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:19,560 Yeah. One, hejoked about getting married. 179 00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:22,438 "You like architecture? We should get married. 180 00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:26,400 "Ha-ha. Lol. Just kidding. Question Mark." 181 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:30,821 Two, he made a crazy way-too-soon trip suggestion. 182 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,614 "I like beer, too. 183 00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:34,908 "We should totally go to Germany together. 184 00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:37,661 "Lol. Jk. Lol." 185 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:42,875 And three, he got way too personal way too soon. 186 00:09:43,167 --> 00:09:46,211 "Yeah, my parents got divorced a couple years back. 187 00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:48,046 "It was really tough. 188 00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,339 "Lol." 189 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,676 And he clearly doesn't know what lol means. 190 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,136 Yeah, but here's the real problem. 191 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:57,848 Ted wasn't saying, "I love you" as easily as we thought he would. 192 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,725 Then we met Stan. 193 00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,735 Why are you making so much noise, man? 194 00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:14,114 So we explained everything to him, and when we were done, 195 00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:15,657 something amazing happened. 196 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,577 Why don't you tell Ted that just knowing he's out there 197 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:22,372 thinking about you, caring about you, makes you feel safe? 198 00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:26,168 So all your fears, all your yesterdays wash away, 199 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:29,546 and only hope remains in the promise of his embrace. 200 00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:35,010 Wow. Go, Stan! Who is this guy? 201 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:36,571 He's a security guard who works nights. 202 00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:38,305 And he eats lunch at maclaren's every day. 203 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,388 And he wasn't done. 204 00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,891 Not by a long shot. 205 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,019 You make me thank god for every mistake I ever made 206 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:47,898 because each one led me down the path that brought me to you. 207 00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:51,068 That's, hke, really nice, man. 208 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,237 Whatever. It's okay. 209 00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:58,325 Holli: "And when we finally come together, I want you to hold me." 210 00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:01,537 Hold me all night. Stroke my hair. 211 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:04,832 Tell me I'm a woman and show me you're a man. 212 00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:06,875 Until there was only now. 213 00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:10,754 You and I and now. 214 00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:12,589 Yes! 215 00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:17,594 You want me to text that to Ted. I know that. 216 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:22,266 Holli: "I do not ask of the night explanations 217 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:25,102 "I wait for it and it envelops me 218 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:30,899 "and so you and bread and light and shadow are" 219 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,652 that's Pablo neruda. 220 00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:37,155 I don't know what bread was doing in there, 221 00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,408 but that touched me here 222 00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:42,369 and here. 223 00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:45,289 Well, if Ted won't say it, I will. 224 00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:47,875 I love you. 225 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,628 That's cool. 226 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:54,882 Still nothing, huh? 227 00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:56,383 Maybe he's not in love with us. 228 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,527 How can he not be in love with us? 229 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,219 We're everything he's looking for. 230 00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:00,888 I don't get men. 231 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:03,557 Gotta head to work. 232 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,309 Will you be back? 233 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:10,063 I'll be back when the wind and fates and chance bring me back. 234 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,274 Which will be tomorrow. 235 00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:14,276 It's cheese steak day. 236 00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:19,740 Wow! It sounds like you were all over this guy. 237 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:22,159 Hope his girlfriend didn't get jealous. 238 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,661 Did he mention a girlfriend, or... 239 00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:26,872 It was all going great, 240 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,625 until Marshall sent Ted a text meant for Lily 241 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:30,751 and ruined everything. 242 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,127 Well, it doesn't matter, okay? 243 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:35,422 It's over now. I gotta get going, but here's what's gonna happen. 244 00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:39,927 You're going to call him right now, tell him what you did, and apologize. 245 00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:41,637 You got it? Yes. 246 00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:50,354 Holli explained everything. It was all just a misunderstanding. 247 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,605 Everything's great now. 248 00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:52,773 Really? 249 00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,567 How did holli explain her way out of that one? 250 00:12:55,651 --> 00:12:59,363 Well, apparently, her dumb friend Marsha accidentally used her phone 251 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,781 to text her husband, Billy. 252 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,616 Marsha and Billy. 253 00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,118 No one sprained any muscles there. 254 00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:07,955 And now we are better than ever. 255 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,457 Look, I know this sounds crazy, 256 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:13,627 but I think I might actually be falling for this girl. 257 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,629 You're falling for Barney and Marshall. 258 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:16,838 What? 259 00:13:16,922 --> 00:13:19,424 They didn't believe that you could wait the three days, 260 00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:22,970 so Barney changed her number in your phone to his work cell. 261 00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:25,097 Holli is Barney and Marshall. 262 00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,683 Wait, that whole time, it was them? 263 00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:30,435 Ted: So holli wasn't in the bath? 264 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:37,234 Or sitting by her window, looking up at the stars, thinking about me? 265 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:45,325 Or lounging in her old cheerleader uniform, reading architecture magazines? 266 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,415 Yeah. I don't think they actually did those things. 267 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,500 They were just at the bar. 268 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:54,584 Right. 269 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:55,919 But, yeah, it was them. 270 00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:58,380 Unbelievable! 271 00:13:58,463 --> 00:13:59,506 I know. 272 00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,484 So you might as well tell them you're on to them. 273 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,592 Yeah. 274 00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:08,682 I text them something that'll really mess with their heads. 275 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:12,019 Oh I gotcha. Okay. How about, 276 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:15,105 "I haven't told any of my friends yet, 277 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,357 "but I only have three months to live"? 278 00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:21,486 Not bad. How about, "I once killed a man with a shovel, 279 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,989 "and those feelings are creeping up again"? 280 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:28,493 Uh-huh. I liked that thing someone said before about having three months to live. 281 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:33,081 How about, "I've never told anyone this, but I slept with my best friend's mom"? 282 00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:36,043 That is good, butlfeelhke we keep coming back 283 00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:38,128 to that three-months- to-live thing. 284 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,755 Wait. I think I got it. 285 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:40,964 Yeah? 286 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,801 He texted back! 287 00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,346 "I probably shouldn't tell you this. 288 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,432 "I mean, we barely know each other. 289 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,894 "But what the hell, I'll just say it." 290 00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:56,438 This is it, dude. Here comes the "I love you." 291 00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:57,898 I wish Stan were here. 292 00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,149 Stan. 293 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,320 Whoa! What? 294 00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:08,200 "I sometimes have gay dreams about my best friend." 295 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:18,126 "I sometimes have gay dreams about my best friend." 296 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:22,130 Why in the world would Ted text a girl he barely knows 297 00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:24,132 that he sometimes has gay dreams about me? 298 00:15:24,216 --> 00:15:26,343 Whoa, whoa, slow your roll. 299 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:29,763 You? He's clearly talking about me. 300 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,224 Dude, it's me. I'm his best friend. 301 00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:34,184 Okay. One, that has never been proven. 302 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:38,605 Two, if anyone were to have gay dreams about one of us, it would be me. 303 00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:41,650 I mean, look at me. Now look at you. 304 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:45,695 A still-in-the-closet 80-year-old wouldn't be into that mess. 305 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,783 Here's the thing, Barney. I'm snuggly. You're not. 306 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:53,787 Who wouldn't want to snuggle up next to this business on a Sunday morning? 307 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,414 Wrapped in a comforter, and it's raining outside, 308 00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:58,125 and there's muffins warming in the oven. 309 00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:01,002 I'm cuddly, bitch. Deal with it. 310 00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:03,088 I work out every day. 311 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:06,925 If there is one thing we know about Ted, it's that he likes a nice body. 312 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,552 This body would rock his world. 313 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,429 Ted and I have a history. I know what he likes. 314 00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:15,350 There are things I could do to him that would blow his mind... 315 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,539 Why do we keep trying to have sex with Ted? 316 00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:21,481 I don't know. It's weird. 317 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:25,861 Crazy, right? Ted's having gay dreams about me? 318 00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:30,031 And by me, he means m-e, Marshall Eriksen, 319 00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:32,159 star of Ted's gay dreams. 320 00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:36,037 Who cares? So Ted has gay dreams about one of you guys. 321 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:39,499 It's not like you found out he has three months to live. 322 00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:42,377 That's, hke, shocking, right? 323 00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,005 Whoa! Take a look at this guy. 324 00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,340 How's it going, best friend of 12 years? 325 00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,428 Well, it's kind of weird, 326 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:55,599 but I had this crazy dream the other night. It's a little embarrassing. 327 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,101 You can tell us, Ted. This is a safe space. 328 00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:01,188 Yeah, your feelings are perfectly natural, buddy. 329 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,398 Okay. Here's what happened. 330 00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,483 So I'm at the... 331 00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:06,711 Older Ted: And then I proceeded 332 00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:08,653 to waste a half hour of those bastards' lives, 333 00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,197 telling them about this dream I had 334 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:14,034 where I ate dinner with my top five favorite architects throughout history. 335 00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:15,911 And then, at the end of the meal, 336 00:17:15,994 --> 00:17:19,331 frank gehry slides the check over to I.M. Pei, and he says, 337 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:23,043 "buddy, tonight, your name is I.M. Paying." 338 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:27,130 Buckminster Fuller almost did a spit take. 339 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,800 And then I woke up. 340 00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:33,887 So, that's it? 341 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:39,142 No other dreams? Nothing confusing or erotic? 342 00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,940 Okay, how about this? Ted, you know how, at some point in the future, 343 00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,900 sure. Machines will rise up against us? 344 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:50,320 Okay. So the machines, they've killed everybody, 345 00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,948 and all that's left is you, 346 00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,410 and Barney. 347 00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,413 Which one of us would you, like, 348 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,833 get with? 349 00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:09,381 And why do I have to "get with" one of you? 350 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,424 The machines are forcing you. 351 00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:14,803 They want to watch. That's just how they get down. 352 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:19,849 That's a tough one. I guess it would have to be... 353 00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,104 Holli. 354 00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:26,690 Robin told me what you guys did. 355 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,525 That's why I made up the gay dreams thing. 356 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,151 Guys, this is holli. 357 00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:33,905 And I didn't wait your precious three days to call her. 358 00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:36,491 I knew where she worked, so I tracked her down. 359 00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,410 Let me ask you. Did I call you too soon? 360 00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:40,829 I love that he called me right away. 361 00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:43,039 I found it very romantic. 362 00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,850 And by the way, I don't sit around my apartment 363 00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:48,795 reading architecture magazines in my old cheerleader uniform. 364 00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:51,006 I do that completely naked. 365 00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,971 So holli and I are going out to dinner. 366 00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,806 I'll meet you out front. Okay. 367 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,644 I'm sorry, buddy. We were just trying to help you. 368 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,230 And, also, it was really fun. 369 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,153 I don't need your help, okay? I can take care of myself. 370 00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:15,697 And, yeah, maybe there are some girls 371 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,740 who wouldn't like it that I called them right away 372 00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:20,160 or said things too soon, but guess what? 373 00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:22,662 Those aren't the right girls for me. 374 00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:27,167 Maybe the right girl is the one who loves that I do those things because... 375 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,627 That's just who I am, and I'm not gonna change 376 00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,422 because of some stupid three-days rule. 377 00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:37,719 Oh! And holli spells her name with an "I." 378 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,474 Older Ted: So I had proven that the three-days rule was wrong, 379 00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:44,726 and I was out to dinner with a pretty girl. 380 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:46,811 And until right now, I've never told anyone 381 00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:48,938 the truth about what happened on that date. 382 00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:52,984 That's so funny! I love indie music, too. We should get married. 383 00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:54,194 Ha, ha. 384 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:55,779 Just kidding. 385 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,238 Or am I? 386 00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,449 Just kidding again! 387 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,701 That's it. We're totally going to Brazil together! 388 00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,513 And I went to my doctor this morning, and he said it is all cleared up, 389 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,206 so I'm good to go. 390 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,375 I think I'm in love with you, Ted. 391 00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,668 Older Ted: In the end, I didn't need to wait three days, 392 00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:13,046 but holli really, really did. 393 00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:16,216 Like a lot of rules, there are times to follow them 394 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:19,260 and times to not. But I will tell you this. 395 00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:23,390 When I got your mother's number, I called her right away. 396 00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:29,938 Stan! Hey, fellas. 397 00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:31,689 Stan, aren't you working? 398 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:32,774 Took the night off. 399 00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:33,918 That's great! We can all hang out! 400 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:34,942 Yeah! 401 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,903 I can't. Got a date. 402 00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,363 You ready, baby? Yep. 403 00:20:38,822 --> 00:20:39,906 What the... 404 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:43,743 Wait, wait. Couldn't you guys just stay here and do your date with us? 405 00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:45,578 Yeah, it'll be fun! 406 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:49,124 Look, I'm laughing! It's fun here! You like magic? 407 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,502 Fellas, it's time we said goodbye. 408 00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:55,088 I mean, we shared a very special afternoon together, 409 00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:59,509 and that's something I will always Cherish. I'll never forget you guys. 410 00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:01,570 Do you even know their names? 411 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,054 Noidea. Is the tall one Ted? 412 00:21:03,138 --> 00:21:05,058 Robin: No. That's Marshall. He's married to Lily. 413 00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:06,158 Stan: You like chicken wings? 414 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,350 Oh, yeah!