1 00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:05,965 Lily, I heard this great joke at work today. 2 00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:07,842 Dude, come on. She's not gonna like it. 3 00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,886 It's boy-funny. It's not girl-funny. 4 00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:14,098 That is sexist! Funny is funny, Ted. 5 00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,808 Lily's cool. She'll appreciate this. 6 00:00:15,892 --> 00:00:17,351 You're on your own, man. 7 00:00:17,435 --> 00:00:19,395 Just tell me the joke. 8 00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:20,855 Okay. Ready? 9 00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:25,526 Lily, what's the difference between peanut butter and jam? 10 00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:28,196 See? It's funny. It's boy-funny. 11 00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:29,447 She's not gonna like it. 12 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:30,865 Why don't you let me decide? 13 00:00:32,116 --> 00:00:35,119 What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? 14 00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,915 Older Ted: And then Barney said the punch line. 15 00:00:38,998 --> 00:00:42,710 To this day, it's still the dirtiest joke I've ever heard in my life. 16 00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:44,378 And no, I'm not gonna say it. 17 00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:48,341 Yeah, I can't hang out with you anymore. 18 00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:51,052 Oh, come on. 19 00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:53,054 That's a funny joke. 20 00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:55,723 Told you. 21 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,391 She'll be back. 22 00:00:57,475 --> 00:01:00,811 Older Ted: And we didn't see Lily for four weeks. 23 00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,410 Older Ted: Kids, after getting laid off, 24 00:01:16,494 --> 00:01:18,454 I was finally pursuing my lifelong dream, 25 00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,331 starting my own architecture firm. 26 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,333 All I needed was some clients. 27 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,211 I think it's so great that you're striking out on your own, Ted. 28 00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:27,046 I admire that. Thanks. 29 00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:29,483 And thanks for being so cool with me using the apartment. 30 00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:31,467 Oh, yeah, of course. Anything you need. 31 00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:35,989 Hey, small thing, do you mind not watching television during business hours? 32 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,014 This isn't working! 33 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:39,859 I'm sorry. It's just, I can't concentrate while wheel of fortune is... 34 00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:43,437 A penny saved is a penny Marshall! Yes! 35 00:01:43,688 --> 00:01:46,774 Ted, I know you're nervous, but you've got to stop procrastinating. 36 00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:51,612 You've spent the last two days choosing the official pen of mosbius designs. 37 00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:55,741 Hey, I've made some progress, huh? I've eliminated felt-tip. 38 00:01:57,159 --> 00:02:00,288 Who am I kidding? Felt's back in the ballgame. 39 00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:03,874 Hey. You hear there's gonna be more layoffs? 40 00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:06,335 I know. I'm freaking out. 41 00:02:06,419 --> 00:02:08,629 Are you worried? Are you kidding? 42 00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:12,133 The things I know about this company, I won't ever be fired. 43 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:14,486 I mean, there's a pretty good chance one day I'll wash up on shore 44 00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:17,555 with no fingerprints or teeth, but I won't be fired. 45 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,682 Well, I wish I had yourconfidence. 46 00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:23,311 Look, you just need a way to make yourself absolutely essential. 47 00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:25,813 Well, iwork harder than anyone in my division. 48 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,983 Yeah. Keeping your job has nothing to do with hard work. 49 00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:31,068 You need a thing. What do you mean, a thing? 50 00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:33,946 You know, something that makes you fun and well-liked, 51 00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:35,740 like Marcus denisco. 52 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:38,159 Older Ted: Marcus denisco worked in account services 53 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,911 and was perhaps the most expendable employee at the company. 54 00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:43,831 I brought some donuts. They're probably stupid. 55 00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:46,167 Older Ted: But eventually, he came to be known as... 56 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,793 Food guy! Food guy! 57 00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:49,997 Who wants some pulled pork? Of course you do! Come on! 58 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:54,550 I love food guy. They could never lay him off. 59 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,761 Mmm-hmm. You know what I love about food guy? 60 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,096 He always has food. He always has food. 61 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:00,765 See? That's what you need. 62 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,601 You need that thing that makes you a guy. 63 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:08,647 Oh, I have that thing that makes me a guy. Maybe even a guy and a half. 64 00:03:08,898 --> 00:03:10,191 Not that thing. 65 00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,568 You know, a thing. Like toy guy. 66 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,737 Guys, bad news. 67 00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:19,533 As your hr rep, I gotta review the new overtime scheduling policy with you. 68 00:03:19,784 --> 00:03:24,330 The good news is we're gonna do it while wearing Wolverine claws! 69 00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:30,628 Section 5a, overtime will no longer be paid at time and a half. 70 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,546 This is awesome! Claw five! 71 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,217 I love toy guy. 72 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,718 See? You need a thing. 73 00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,428 Like YouTube clip guy. 74 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:50,398 You're right. I do need a thing. 75 00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:51,774 But choose wisely. 76 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,818 You don't want to be creepy back rub guy. 77 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,444 Hey, don't fill up. 78 00:03:55,528 --> 00:03:57,128 Food guy's got panna cotta in his office. 79 00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,322 Ooh! 80 00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:01,492 Douglas: Hey, buddy. 81 00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:04,161 Hey, Douglas. 82 00:04:04,829 --> 00:04:07,998 Wow. You're so tight. 83 00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:12,294 I was relaxed about two seconds ago. 84 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,756 You're next. 85 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:20,177 Hi. Welcome to mosbius designs. 86 00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,430 Who the hell are you? 87 00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:24,682 I'm pj, Mr. Mosby's assistant. 88 00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,160 Ted, what the hell is going... I'm sorry, 89 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:29,770 we do not interrupt Mr. Mosby during his brainstorming hour. 90 00:04:31,147 --> 00:04:33,983 It's okay, pj, that's Robin. She lives here. 91 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:38,612 Oh, I'm sorry for the disturbance, sir. Do you need anything else? 92 00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:40,176 Well, I wouldn't say no to a cup of... 93 00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:41,532 You're right there! 94 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:46,203 So now Ted has an assistant to help him not do anything. 95 00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:48,664 Hey, pj's been a huge help to me, 96 00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:51,125 setting up the office, designing the website. 97 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,627 And in return, I'm mentoring a bright, young mind. 98 00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:55,838 Ah, yes, the mentoring. 99 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:59,175 I want you to go outside today and simply 100 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:02,428 put your hands on buildings. All right? 101 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:06,724 Feel the concrete pulse. Listen. 102 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:10,561 Listen to the stories the stones are telling you. 103 00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,481 And pick up my dry cleaning. 104 00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:15,065 I will. 105 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:18,194 Thank you so much, Mr. Mosby. All right. 106 00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:20,613 Hey, Ted? 107 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,533 This table just told me you're a douche. 108 00:05:26,202 --> 00:05:28,002 This whole mentoring thing is just another way 109 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:30,039 to procrastinate from actually calling clients. 110 00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:32,833 I'm not procrastinating. I just... 111 00:05:33,209 --> 00:05:34,710 I want everything to be perfect, okay? 112 00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,295 I only get one shot at this. 113 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,088 Fine, but pj is not helping. 114 00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:39,340 Hey, hey. 115 00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:42,468 If Ted says that pj is important to the company, 116 00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:44,678 then pj is not going anywhere. 117 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,347 See? He's very valuable. 118 00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:47,848 Whoa, whoa. 119 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:49,975 Pj's a guy? 120 00:05:50,059 --> 00:05:51,936 Pj's not some hot chick you're banging? 121 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,188 No, I'm mentoring him. 122 00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:57,191 Mentoring. 123 00:05:57,775 --> 00:06:01,529 I mentored a young fellow once. Even made him my wingman. 124 00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:04,156 Then, one day, he hired an assistant 125 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,992 to work 10 feet from his bedroom 126 00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:10,454 who, get this, isn't a hot chick, 127 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:12,456 proving he never listened to a word I said. 128 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:15,125 And do you know that young man's name? 129 00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:16,585 Ted mosby? 130 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:17,962 Maybe. 131 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,547 I don't remember. 132 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:22,091 Because he is dead to me! 133 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:30,224 Pj's gonna be getting a very confusing card in the mail 134 00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:33,435 along with a garment that he should by no means 135 00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:36,355 wear for three days and then mail back to me. 136 00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:41,068 Hey, Barney. 137 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:44,071 I thought of a thing to make me more essential here. 138 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:47,658 I'm eco guy, 'cause everybody loves a guy who recycles, right? 139 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,785 Fired. What else you got? 140 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:52,079 I thought of a few others. Wacky tie guy. 141 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,247 Fired. 142 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,790 Dain fun fact guy? 143 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,917 Did you know that you're fired? 144 00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:59,086 I know a good stretch for that guy? 145 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:00,796 Downward-facing fired. 146 00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,381 Monty python guy? 147 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:05,301 We are the knights who say, "you're fired." 148 00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:08,596 Wait! Wait! I did use to run a fantasy 149 00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:10,639 basebahleague back in law school. 150 00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:13,267 That's not bad. You might be onto something. 151 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:16,437 Awesome. Awesome! I'll be fantasy guy! 152 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,273 Vvewihave to make you sports guy. We already have a fantasy guy. 153 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,358 What's up, bros? Hey, frank. 154 00:07:26,322 --> 00:07:27,323 Hello? 155 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:30,826 Hey, pj. Where are you? You're never late. 156 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,788 You're on top of the empire state building? 157 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:39,627 Listen to the old gal. She's got some stories to tell. 158 00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,630 Take all the time you need. Okay. 159 00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:48,052 Wait a second. "Ted mosby home." 160 00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:53,015 Oh, my god, the call's coming from inside the house. 161 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:05,736 That's not the empire state building. 162 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:14,286 Robin, you cannot sleep with my assistant. 163 00:08:14,370 --> 00:08:17,831 I'm trying to run a business here. How did this even happen? 164 00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:21,210 Well, at lunch, when you go on your wisdom walks, 165 00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,587 it gives me and pj some time alone together. 166 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:27,007 Inspiration, do your thing. 167 00:08:27,091 --> 00:08:30,761 It always does, sir. It always does. 168 00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:36,433 Hey, pj, I actually have an architectural question for you. 169 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,519 How does Ted's ass taste? 170 00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:42,606 I wouldn't know, but I assume it tastes like genius. 171 00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:49,571 Why is the bathroom locked? 172 00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:52,574 Visitors need to sign in for the bathroom key. 173 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:57,663 Listen, peej, and I want you to think this over real good before you answer. 174 00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:01,667 Are you telling me that I can't go to the bathroom in my apartment? 175 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,128 No. I am telling you 176 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,004 that you need to ask permission 177 00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:08,465 to use the bathroom in my office. 178 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,385 Why is that so hot? 179 00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:15,347 Robin, there are billions of guys in the world. 180 00:09:15,431 --> 00:09:17,141 Why do you have to sleep with my assistant? 181 00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,935 Ted, when I get off work, it's 5:30 in the morning. 182 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,146 Do you have any idea what kind of guys I'm meeting? 183 00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,231 I deliver newspapers. 184 00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:27,109 It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it. 185 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:32,322 Don't worry. I'll wash them before I handle your business. 186 00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:34,241 I live with my mom. 187 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:38,912 At night, we watch TV in her bed. We call it cuddle club. 188 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:44,209 So, you get up really early to trade on the European stock exchanges. 189 00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:45,544 What's that like? 190 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,337 Look, is this gonna happen or not? 191 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,508 Okay, first of all, I've hung out with fantasy guy. 192 00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:55,262 You could do a lot worse. Secondly, this has to stop. 193 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,306 Distracting pj is going to kill our productivity. 194 00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,099 What productivity? 195 00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:01,059 You haven't even called a single client. 196 00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:04,521 Hey, once I get the website up, the brochures printed, 197 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,332 and figure out what trust games we're going to play 198 00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:08,984 at the corporate retreat, I am making those calls. 199 00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:11,445 Corporate retreat? 200 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:14,364 Mr. Mosby and I are going camping on the roof. 201 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,618 Hey, sports guy. 202 00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,220 Ihear people are raving about your league. 203 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,538 It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. 204 00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,791 Between entry fees and transaction fees 205 00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,793 and penalty fees, I'm actually... 206 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:27,461 I'm holding on to a lot of money. 207 00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:31,131 Great work, sports guy. That's for last week. 208 00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:38,722 Marshall: 60, 80, 100. 209 00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:42,434 Okay. This is $18,000 cash. 210 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,394 It's not a big deal. 211 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:47,731 I'll just take it home and put it somewhere safe. 212 00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:51,693 Okay, just walking down the street with some money in my pocket. 213 00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:53,487 Don't touch the money. 214 00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,364 That's so obvious. Just be cool. 215 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,159 Oh, no. The baby's onto me. 216 00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:01,662 Babies can smell money. Everyone knows that! 217 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:04,248 I'm carrying a lot of money! 218 00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:09,169 Seriously, dude, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. 219 00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:13,048 Marshall, last week you were trash that no one wanted to look at. 220 00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,591 Now, you're sports guy. 221 00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:17,052 I was trash? Last week! 222 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:21,014 Hey, there's Ted mosby of mosbius designs. 223 00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:22,850 How's the home office coming, buddy? 224 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:27,020 Well, it was going great till Robin started banging my assistant. 225 00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:31,024 Ted, it's our apartment, okay? 226 00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:32,752 You leave a big chocolate cake on the counter, 227 00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,444 mama's gonna cut her off a slice. 228 00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:36,530 I told you. 229 00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:39,366 Hire a cute assistant that you can sleep with, 230 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,928 but instead you hire a cute assistant that Robin can sleep with. 231 00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:43,805 And of course he's gonna sleep with her, Ted. Look at her! 232 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,056 She's the greatest woman on the planet! 233 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,498 I'm getting off topic! 234 00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:47,875 You're an idiot! 235 00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:49,751 That's my message! You're an idiot! 236 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:58,302 One person storming off isn't enough! Marshall, storm off with me! 237 00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:05,684 Barney. Dude, why are you this upset 238 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,895 about Ted not having sex with the people he hires? 239 00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,980 Because it hurts! 240 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,481 It hurts you how? 241 00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:14,776 It hurts because I love 242 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:15,903 Ted 243 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,697 having sex with women. 244 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,741 I'm a very dedicated wingman! 245 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,011 Look, lin's the only person that I can talk to about this stuff. 246 00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:24,536 Just get her to talk to me. 247 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,580 I'll try, but look, there's no guarantees. 248 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:30,083 She's still really outraged about that joke. 249 00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:33,170 Thatjoke! 250 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:37,132 Tore our little group apart, pitted people I love against each other. 251 00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:38,926 Seriously, I wish... 252 00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:42,304 I wish that joke had never come into our lives. 253 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,034 It's kind of funnythough, right? 254 00:12:46,058 --> 00:12:47,184 It's so funny, man. 255 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,228 Hey, good news, pj. 256 00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:52,064 The brochures you designed just came in. 257 00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:53,857 Really interesting choice for the cover. 258 00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:57,861 I like how instead of one of my designs, you chose this. 259 00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:01,823 You know what? I must've sent in the wrong photo. 260 00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:03,241 You think? 261 00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:06,620 Look, pj, the website's still not done. 262 00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,956 You didn't even show up to the corporate retreat. 263 00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,583 By the way, I saw a shooting star, 264 00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,961 and you're late every day! 265 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,046 I'm sorry, pj. I gotta get focused. 266 00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:17,422 You're fired. 267 00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,216 You can't fire... 268 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,842 Pj, you're fired. 269 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,010 Fine! 270 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,475 Hey, baby. I just got fired. 271 00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:31,245 Yeah, I'll wait for you at your place. 272 00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,771 Okay, bye. 273 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,733 Oh! Wheel of fortune. 274 00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:45,659 I love having all this free time to spend with you. 275 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:48,203 I'm going to kiss you here and here. 276 00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:49,705 Ooh! Ooh! 277 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:52,541 And here and here. And... 278 00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,084 Oh! Please stop. 279 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,337 I'm going to go to the bathroom. 280 00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:59,172 I'll miss you. 281 00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:00,841 I'll miss you, too. 282 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:07,241 You're already sick of him, aren't you? 283 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,141 He's driving me crazy. 284 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,518 When pj had a job, he was sexy. 285 00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,729 He was guardian of the bathroom key. 286 00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:18,108 A hot guy telling you when you can and can't pee? 287 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,318 That's the dream. 288 00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:23,405 That's the dream? The dream? 289 00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:25,866 Like what Martin Luther King was talking about? 290 00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:29,494 I have to end it, don't I? I'm terrible at breakups. 291 00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:30,722 I still have to go a little bit, 292 00:14:30,746 --> 00:14:32,748 but I couldn't be away from you one second longer. 293 00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,916 Oh! Listen. 294 00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,587 Dude, I don't know. What? 295 00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:40,630 Yeah, it's just... 296 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:43,300 It's not really... 297 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,510 Ix-nay, you know? 298 00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:48,388 Ix-nay on what? 299 00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:49,639 Not feeling it. 300 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,224 Not feeling what? 301 00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:52,893 But friends and stuff? 302 00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:55,812 Oh, my god, this is the worst breakup ever. 303 00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:57,856 You're breaking up with me? 304 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,651 If that's what you want, I totally understand. 305 00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:06,823 Hey, you still haven't activated that shortstop the mariners just brought up. 306 00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,283 Gotta have it. Ha! 307 00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,745 See, sports guy? People love you. 308 00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,789 I can't be sports guy anymore, okay? 309 00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,123 It's killing me! 310 00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:17,042 I keep getting these constant texts 311 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:19,836 and e-mails and phone calls in the middle of the night. 312 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:23,507 Sometimes I even think that I'm being followed. 313 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,842 Hey, buddy. 314 00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,636 I need you to push that trade through, 315 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,846 so I can set up my new lineup. 316 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:33,016 Wow, you really carry it in your shoulders, don't you? 317 00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:35,435 Seriously, it's over. 318 00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:37,437 Do you want me to stop? 319 00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:43,211 Older Ted: With Robin and pj broken up, I was free to make 320 00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:45,570 some staffing changes in the office. 321 00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,532 Hi, welcome to mosbius designs. 322 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:51,785 You got to be kidding me. 323 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,204 Older Ted: And now that pj was back at work... 324 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,874 You got to be kidding me. 325 00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:01,962 So, apparently Robin and pj are an item again. 326 00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:03,964 You got to be kidding me! 327 00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:08,468 Are you all right? 328 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,429 Okay, since lin's not talking to me, 329 00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:12,990 there's something that I have to tell you. 330 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:15,600 And this isn't easy to say, all right? 331 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,937 I'm... wait for it. 332 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,857 In... wait for it. 333 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,568 Love... wait for it. 334 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,279 With... wait for it. 335 00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,244 A... wait for it. 336 00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,079 Certain... wait for it. 337 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,473 I know that you're in love with Robin! 338 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,665 What? 339 00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,459 Lily told me. She told you? 340 00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:42,752 Great. 341 00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:47,090 I bet you guys have been laughing at me behind my back the whole time. 342 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:53,180 Actually, in a weird way, we both think you're kind of perfect for each other. 343 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,681 You do? 344 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,642 Yeah. Matter of fact, we even try to sit on the same side of the booth 345 00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,227 so you two will have to sit together. 346 00:16:59,311 --> 00:17:01,354 Really? That's so sweet. 347 00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:06,693 But let's be clear. I don't love her. Okay? 348 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,696 I just miss her when she's not around. 349 00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,674 I think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day 350 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,259 running towards each other in slow motion, 351 00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:15,744 and I'm wearing a brown suede vest. 352 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,680 Are you ever going to tell her how you feel? 353 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,832 No. Maybe. Never. I don't know. Look... 354 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:25,545 I just need to get that pj idiot away from her. 355 00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:29,007 If Lily were here, she'd know exactly how to get rid of him. 356 00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:30,217 Maybe I can help. 357 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,469 Marshall, you're no Lily. 358 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:36,473 Lily is a diabolical puppet master, subtly manipulating every situation 359 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:41,061 to get exactly what she wants. She's pure evil, Marshall. 360 00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:44,481 You got a good one there. Hang on to her. 361 00:17:44,648 --> 00:17:48,276 Older Ted: Meanwhile, my bizarre tug of war with Robin over pj continued. 362 00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:52,405 Hey, pj. I was about to go on my wisdom walk. 363 00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:54,449 Want to join me? 364 00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:58,453 Hey, pj. I took the bathroom key without asking. 365 00:17:58,536 --> 00:17:59,913 What are you going to do about it? 366 00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:03,375 Look, you guys are both great, 367 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:06,378 but the truth is I'm taking another job. 368 00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:08,380 These are for you. 369 00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:11,091 Robin, I hope this letter offers some closure. 370 00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:14,094 Ted, I'm really going to miss you. 371 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,932 You can't trade Manny Ramirez for two middle relievers! 372 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,826 If you veto that trade, I am out of the league! 373 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,520 Okay! Okay! I'll figure it out. 374 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,067 Hire the kid to be a paralegal. 375 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:32,320 He gets to do all the work, and you still get to be sports guy. 376 00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:35,699 Pure evil, Eriksen. Pure evil. 377 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,869 Hey, thanks. 378 00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:46,376 Hey. You okay? 379 00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:51,131 What if I don't think of the books? 380 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,174 Excuse me? 381 00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:54,738 There's this famous architecture story 382 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,721 about an architect who designed this library. 383 00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,431 It was perfect. 384 00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,766 But every year, the whole thing would 385 00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:04,227 sink a couple of inches into the ground. 386 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:07,689 Eventually, the building was condemned. 387 00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:12,569 He forgot to account for the weight of the books. 388 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:16,281 This company, it's just me. 389 00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:19,784 What if I don't think of the books? 390 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,537 Okay, first of all, nobody goes to libraries 391 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,831 anymore, so who cares about that guy? 392 00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:29,252 Secondly, you need to get on the phone and start calling clients. 393 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:31,212 The longer I put off starting my own firm, 394 00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:35,967 the longer it can remain a dream and not something I screwed up at. 395 00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:39,804 I mean, it's like I'm giving up before I even started. 396 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,765 You want to talk about giving up? 397 00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:44,392 Iused to describe my ideal guy as 398 00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:47,604 funny, smart, passionate, challenging. 399 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:51,900 And now, apparently, I will settle for "in my apartment." 400 00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:55,546 I mean, didn't you think you'd have it all more figured out by now? 401 00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:58,948 Are you kidding? By 30, I was going to be annoyingly successful, 402 00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:02,035 married to the perfect woman, maybe a kid on the way. 403 00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:05,163 Instead, I'm just some guy sitting in his apartment 404 00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:08,291 having a staring contest with his phone. 405 00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,543 And losing. 406 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,464 Hey. You can take that thing. 407 00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:34,359 Hi, this is Ted mosby of mosbius designs. 408 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:37,737 I'm calling to inquire about any design needs you may have now or in the future. 409 00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:38,863 That sounds great, buddy. 410 00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,240 Really? I sound confident? Yup. 411 00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:41,491 Now call an actual client. 412 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,700 Great. 413 00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:48,832 Hey, food guy! 414 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,293 Hey, toy guy! 415 00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,675 Who's that guy? 416 00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:01,678 He doesn't work here. 417 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,280 I think we should leave the building. 418 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:04,389 Really? 419 00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:06,641 This has happened before.