1 00:00:02,587 --> 00:00:05,173 Older Ted: In the spring of 2009, I'd been hired to design 2 00:00:05,256 --> 00:00:07,842 a new headquarters for Goliath national bank. 3 00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:10,261 And I was eager to add as much of my voice as an architect 4 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,138 into the plans as possible. 5 00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:16,267 Wood beams bathed in natural light in the atrium. 6 00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:19,520 They're gonna love it! 7 00:00:19,604 --> 00:00:23,357 There was only one problem, and his name was bilson. 8 00:00:23,441 --> 00:00:25,985 Wood? Natural light? 9 00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:27,612 Uh, no! 10 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:31,073 Natural light reminds the workers that there is an outside world 11 00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:35,620 where they have family and friends. We want to crush that! 12 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:38,539 You show up in the dark, you go home in the dark. 13 00:00:38,623 --> 00:00:41,751 You spend your whole damn day in the dark! 14 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:44,545 I need to hear Lily's voice. 15 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,923 Who said you could leave? 16 00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:50,092 Older Ted: Bilson was killing every original idea I had. 17 00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:53,221 Then, one day, gnb took him off the project 18 00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:56,265 and created a new task force to oversee my designs. 19 00:00:56,349 --> 00:00:57,892 Suddenly, everything changed. 20 00:00:57,975 --> 00:01:00,978 Vvellhave a rooftop zen garden for quiet contemplation. 21 00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:03,064 Vvellhave a reflecting pool in the lobby where 22 00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:05,650 local children can come to make wishes. 23 00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:08,694 The new gnb, a place of work 24 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:11,530 that you can call home. 25 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,742 Thank you, and, um, 26 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,869 welcome home. 27 00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:24,835 Older Ted: Everything was going great, 28 00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:26,837 until one day, in the elevator... 29 00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:31,634 Whoa! 30 00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:35,012 Yeah, it's Ted. 31 00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,932 No, no, no, no. I did not approve that change 32 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,476 for the blueprints for the new gnb headquarters 33 00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:43,521 for which I'm the head architect at only 30 years old. 34 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:47,525 Yes, I'm single and I give to charity. 35 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,652 What does that have to do with anything? 36 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:52,029 All right, goodbye, Mr. Mayor. 37 00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:55,908 You know that was a fake phone call, don't you? 38 00:01:55,992 --> 00:02:01,122 Yes, and I also know that the new gnb headquarters project was scrapped last month. 39 00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:03,374 Nice try. 40 00:02:18,431 --> 00:02:21,017 Check out Scarlett Johansson at the oscars. 41 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:22,476 If I could nail any celebrity, 42 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,478 it would definitely be Scarlett Johansson. 43 00:02:24,562 --> 00:02:27,815 Hot, talented, and nobody does that many Woody Allen movies 44 00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,984 without serious daddy issues. 45 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,920 If I could nail any celebrity, it would be Lily. 46 00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:33,237 She's the star of my heart. 47 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:37,074 For me, it'd be Hugh Jackman. 48 00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:39,410 You know, I don't know, celebrities, 49 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,746 they're into some really weird sex stuff. 50 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:42,913 Trust me. 51 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:45,082 How would you know that? 52 00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:48,294 This is embarrassing, but I... 53 00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:50,129 I went home with a celebrity one night. 54 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:53,215 Oh, my god! Seriously? 55 00:02:53,299 --> 00:02:56,344 Yeah. He wanted to do this really freaky thing with me, 56 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,679 so I left. That's it. End of story. 57 00:02:58,763 --> 00:03:01,098 No, no, not end of story. 58 00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:04,518 I need to know who, what, when and in where. Spill it! 59 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,187 Lily, please settle down. 60 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,022 You're swallowing too much air. 61 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,774 But before you go any further, 62 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:12,651 I'm flattered, but technically, I'm not a celebrity. 63 00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:16,530 And plus, for the last time, I put the mask on as a joke. 64 00:03:16,614 --> 00:03:18,407 Okay, not you, Barney. 65 00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:19,533 Okay, who is it? 66 00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:23,996 Okay, now you gave Lily the hiccups. 67 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,374 Okay, I won't tell you anything specific, 68 00:03:26,457 --> 00:03:29,210 but all I'll say is he is Canadian-born, 69 00:03:29,293 --> 00:03:30,836 butyou definitely know this guy, 70 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:32,213 and he got me back to his place 71 00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:35,549 by offering to show me a very unique collection. 72 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:36,651 What do you mean, cohecfion? 73 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,302 Well, you know how some people collect, 74 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,137 like, stamps or coins? It's like that. 75 00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:41,222 But I'm not telling. 76 00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:43,516 Well, at least tell us the weird thing he wanted to do. 77 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,639 I don't know what you call it in the states, 78 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,478 but we have a name for it in Canada. 79 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,855 Look, I've already said too much. 80 00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:53,609 So, mystery celebrity who collects a mystery item 81 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:57,113 asked you to do a mystery Canadian sex act. 82 00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:58,572 Yes. Tell us! 83 00:03:59,824 --> 00:04:01,492 Okay, I'll tell you. 84 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:05,287 But only if you guess all three parts correctly. 85 00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:06,705 Well, that's just impossible. 86 00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:08,082 Exactly. 87 00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,418 I don't even know any Canadian sex acts. 88 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:11,961 Well, you got your sloppy dog sled, 89 00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:14,797 your alberta fur trapper, your full mountie... 90 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,257 How do you know all these? 91 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:19,135 Canadiansexactsorg, it's bookmarked on the top right. 92 00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:20,219 "Dot org"? 93 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:21,762 Yeah. It's not for profit. 94 00:04:21,846 --> 00:04:24,006 They really just want to get the information out there. 95 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:27,768 Hey, so, I just had the weirdest conversation. 96 00:04:27,852 --> 00:04:31,522 This woman at gnb told me that the new bank building was scrapped last month. 97 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,482 That's crazy, right? 98 00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:35,609 Wait, what... What was that look? 99 00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:36,837 Should we tell him? I don't want to tell him. 100 00:04:36,861 --> 00:04:38,171 I think we should tell him. We're not telling him. 101 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,195 There was no look. 102 00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:41,115 Guys, what the hell? 103 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,200 Okay, it's time that you know the truth. 104 00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:46,620 A few weeks ago, bilson called us into his office. 105 00:04:47,163 --> 00:04:50,249 We're scrapping the plan for the new gnb headquarters. 106 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,626 This recession is killing us. 107 00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:55,421 We're cutting anything non-essential. 108 00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:57,381 And I have a lot of tough choices to make 109 00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,633 at the bi-quarterly retreat in Saint Croix. 110 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,678 Man, Ted is gonna be devastated. 111 00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,055 Not when he hears it coming from his best friend. 112 00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,849 I have to tell him? I have to tell him? 113 00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:09,035 You should tell him, you're his best friend. 114 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:10,203 Am not, you're his best friend. 115 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,604 Am not, you're his best... 116 00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,522 Quiet, here he comes. 117 00:05:13,606 --> 00:05:15,316 What, the white dude or the Asian fellow? 118 00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:17,026 See? I barely know the guy. 119 00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:20,196 Hey, Ted, what's up? Hey, how're you doing? 120 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:23,532 I'm frustrated. Anything innovative I put in my designs, 121 00:05:23,616 --> 00:05:25,826 bilson just hacks out with a machete. 122 00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:28,162 I hate having to answer to a guy like that. 123 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,365 You should drop the project. 124 00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:30,599 You should totally drop the project. 125 00:05:30,623 --> 00:05:31,707 It's beneath you. 126 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,751 Then it's settled. To Ted mosby's new chapter. 127 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,562 May the wind be at your back, and may the road... 128 00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:38,631 Are you kidding? They just laid off another architect at my firm. 129 00:05:38,714 --> 00:05:41,133 I mean, bilson's a pain, sure, 130 00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:43,427 but without this project, I'm probably out of a job. 131 00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:46,847 Right. Um, it's funny that you mention the project, 132 00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:48,474 because_. You're nailing it. 133 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:49,808 Keep up the good work, buddy. 134 00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:52,102 Your hair and teeth look fantastic today. 135 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:54,313 You're shining like a diamond! 136 00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:58,275 Thank you. I needed that. 137 00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:01,004 All right, I'm going to head upstairs and keep working. 138 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:04,823 I've got to find a way to introduce some wood into bilson's dark atrium. 139 00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:07,618 I think you know what I meant. 140 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,830 What was that? 141 00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,374 I... I have a thought, okay? 142 00:06:13,457 --> 00:06:16,502 We're paying Ted's firm for two more months of design work, no matter what, 143 00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:20,381 so couldn't we just let him keep working and not tell him? 144 00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:21,549 He's had a rough year. 145 00:06:21,632 --> 00:06:24,176 Let's let the guy be happy a little while longer. 146 00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:26,345 Marshall, what you're suggesting 147 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:30,558 is an elaborate, long-term lie that requires tremendous commitment. 148 00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:33,143 A nice guy like you can't pull that off. 149 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:36,063 Sure I can. Lie to me right now. 150 00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,566 Okay. I have a spaceship. 151 00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:40,043 What kind of fuel powers your spaceship? 152 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,819 Okay, I don't have a spaceship. 153 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:45,573 Nol stand your ground. If someone questions you, 154 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:48,075 distract them from the original lie with more lies. 155 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:50,578 Here, let me demonstrate. I own a pony. 156 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:52,037 Ask me a question. 157 00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:54,415 Okay. Um... 158 00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:56,625 What color is your pony? 159 00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:58,377 Well, when I first got dandelion, 160 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,087 she was a deep Chestnut brown, 161 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:03,215 but sadly, her stable is located near a chemical plant 162 00:07:03,299 --> 00:07:04,800 which contaminated the drinking water. 163 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,427 80 over time, she's turned 164 00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,929 a sickly, grayish-white color, 165 00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,156 And there's nothing 166 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,141 that the vet can do to fix her. 167 00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:14,643 My god! I'm... that's horrible. 168 00:07:14,727 --> 00:07:16,729 Is dandelion going to be okay? 169 00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,398 Okay. All right. You are good! 170 00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:23,193 Dandelion's not even sick, is she? 171 00:07:25,029 --> 00:07:29,158 So the building's really dead and you guys lied to me? 172 00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:31,535 We just did it to protect you, Ted. 173 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:34,496 I can't believe this. I just got screwed by my two best friends, 174 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,665 and I didn't even know it. 175 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:41,045 In Canada, that's called a "sneaky snowplow." 176 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:50,429 That building was my dream job, and now, it's just gone. 177 00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:51,764 We're so sorry, Ted. 178 00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,641 I need a drink. 179 00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:55,601 Poor Ted. 180 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:59,146 Would I seem heartless if I switched us back to Canadian sex acts? 181 00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,190 Not at all. I'm surprised you waited this long. 182 00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,525 What the hell is a two-hand zamboni? 183 00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:08,197 Let's just say the only thing the woman is wearing is skates on her hands. 184 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,908 A manitoba milk bag? 185 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,826 Okay, it's like a Chicago mustache, 186 00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:15,996 but the person on the bottom is wearing a snowsuit. 187 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,499 A newfoundland lobster trap? 188 00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,042 Don't know. Don't want to know. 189 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:22,127 Those newfies are out of control. 190 00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,171 Okay! Okay, I'm going to make my first guess. 191 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,923 Okay, but I'll only tell you 192 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:29,843 if you correctly guess the person, the act and the collection. 193 00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:32,805 Okay, I'm going to go. Bryan Adams. 194 00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:38,769 He collects baseball cards, and he wanted to do a greasy kayak. 195 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:45,609 Wayne gretzky, vintage hot wheels, a squatting eskimo. 196 00:08:47,236 --> 00:08:48,362 Mmml kiefer sutherland, 197 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:52,491 souvenir shot glasses, and a sticky flapjack. 198 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,369 No. That I would have done. 199 00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:57,413 Wait. 200 00:08:57,496 --> 00:09:00,124 Wait, if they pulled the plug on the project a month ago, 201 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,625 why have I been going in once a week 202 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,002 to meet with the new headquarters task force? 203 00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:07,047 Well, obviously you couldn't come in and pitch to bilson. 204 00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:10,217 So, we invented the task force. 205 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:13,470 Then it was just a question of putting together the team. 206 00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,014 Marshall: You know Roy waterman, 207 00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:17,891 vice-president of capital and risk? 208 00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:20,894 He's actually Roy the janitor. 209 00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:22,521 Hey. Excuse me, Roy. 210 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,648 How'd you like to make a few extra bucks? 211 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,277 How naked do I have to get? 212 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:32,573 Louisa mendoza, executive vice-president of assets? 213 00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:36,118 She's actually Louisa the lunch lady. 214 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:39,788 Louisa, I need your help with something, but you can't tell anybody. 215 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:45,252 Exactly. This is a big secret. 216 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,421 How do you say "secret" in Spanish? 217 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,842 Ah. Yes, albondigas. 218 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:56,221 This will be our little albondigas. 219 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,433 Hey, can I have a couple of meatballs, please? 220 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:04,396 And Arthur naismith, the eccentric genius guru of corporate investments? 221 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:09,693 He's actually crazy arty, 15th street's own one-man band. 222 00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:11,069 Excuse me. Ah! 223 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,255 Do you have a minute to talk? 224 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:16,158 Actually, my assistant, Reginald, makes all my appointments. 225 00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,831 We rounded out the group with a few interns 226 00:10:22,915 --> 00:10:26,376 and paid everyone 50 bucks to act super-interested in what you were saying. 227 00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:36,428 Reginald, get me out of this for next week. 228 00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:38,680 That was some of the most inspired 229 00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:42,976 design work I've done in my entire career. I was so excited. 230 00:10:45,521 --> 00:10:48,732 Alex trebek, a musty goaltender, beanie babies! 231 00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,150 Nope. Damnfl! 232 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:54,446 Wait. So that explains the thing that happened with Louisa. 233 00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:57,157 Good job, buddy. Nice, nice! 234 00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:05,249 Listen, Louisa. What are we going to do about this? 235 00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,270 Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. 236 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:11,380 I know you feel it, too. 237 00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:13,423 What the hell? 238 00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,938 No! No! No, this is wrong! 239 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,441 For god's sake, you're on the task force! 240 00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:35,863 Is there anything else you want to tell me? 241 00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:41,076 Well, you know how you played third base for the gnb softball team? 242 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,494 Yeah. 243 00:11:42,578 --> 00:11:44,663 There is no gnb softball team. 244 00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:47,416 We just rented out a field, rounded up a bunch of guys 245 00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,126 and told them to make you the hero. 246 00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,588 So my game-winning walk was a lie? 247 00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:55,233 We're sorry, Ted, but we knew that you'd be out of work soon, 248 00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:56,985 and we just... we just wanted to make you feel good. 249 00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:58,302 You know, that's what friends do. 250 00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,553 Lie to each other? 251 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,889 Sometimes, yeah, to protect each other's feelings. 252 00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:04,391 No way! You never lie to your friends. 253 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,934 I would never not be honest with you. 254 00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:09,187 Really? What about that open mic night at the comedy club? 255 00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:11,732 Are you like me, folks? 256 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,609 Have you ever thought about how many 257 00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:18,864 different kinds of fish there are, and the names of those fish? 258 00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:22,391 Let's, uh, let's take a little ride. 259 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,539 "Trout." am I right? 260 00:12:27,623 --> 00:12:30,167 "Sturgeon." I don't think so, pal. 261 00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:31,752 "Salmon." 262 00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,837 Ah! I'm going to say that again. 263 00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:35,881 "Salmon." 264 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:38,091 Who thought that was a good idea, right? 265 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:41,970 "Bass." this guy over here knows what I'm talking about. 266 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,807 "Halibut." thank you, good night. 267 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:50,604 How was I? 268 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,105 Oh! You were great. Really funny. 269 00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:53,482 You killed 270 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,068 everyone's Thursday night. 271 00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:00,739 Time out. You didn't like the fish list? 272 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:03,951 It was horrible! You just read a list of fish. 273 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:11,041 Anyway, you guys just proved my point, okay? 274 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,377 You lied to me to protect my feelings. 275 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,620 This is completely different! 276 00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:18,256 I just wasted a month of my life working on a dead project. 277 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:21,176 That's time I could've spent trying to bring my firm new business. 278 00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,887 Instead, I'm going to go in there tomorrow morning, 279 00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:25,430 I'm probably going to get fired. 280 00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:30,102 Best-case scenario, my boss is going to ream me out in front of everybody. 281 00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:33,730 Back home, we call that a... "Saskatoon totem pole." 282 00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:35,232 Robin: Yes. It's on here. 283 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:43,907 Good morning, lying bastards. 284 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:47,828 Anything you want to lie about before I head off to work to get fired? 285 00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,496 That's a nice shirt. You're the devil. 286 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:52,708 Ted, what if we told you that we found you a new project at gnb 287 00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:56,003 where you would be redesigning part of the 20th floor? 288 00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:59,047 Well, if that's a lie, it's an incredibly dull one. 289 00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,507 What exactly would I be doing? 290 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,719 This is the 18th floor etr. 291 00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:05,971 Basically, bilson wants a room just like this, 292 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:07,764 only two stories up, on our floor. 293 00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,141 Wait, what's an etr? 294 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,018 It's the employee transition room. 295 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,227 What does that mean? 296 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,856 Well, it's a space where a supervisor and an employee 297 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:20,152 engage in a knowledge transfer about an impending vocational paradigm shift. 298 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,030 People get fired in here. 299 00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,531 That's horrible. 300 00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:27,534 Why do you need a room specifically for firing people? 301 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,412 Well, gnb feels that people need a safe, 302 00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:33,081 secure space to deal with the news. 303 00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:36,001 Yeah. It gets pretty real in here. 304 00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,257 Older Ted: So, I reluctantly agreed to 305 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,384 design a room where people would be fired. 306 00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:28,261 But I was determined to make it my own. 307 00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:30,555 Now, when you leave the dismissal space, 308 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,933 you'll exit into what I'm calling 309 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:35,477 the rebirth tranquility hallway. 310 00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:37,229 Uh-oh. 311 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,732 Here, you'll find a soothing oval chamber 312 00:15:40,816 --> 00:15:42,734 with a trained grief counselor. 313 00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:45,070 It's right here, past the new beginnings fountain. 314 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,196 Uh-oh. 315 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:50,408 And there you have it. Instead of a drab, dark prison cell, 316 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:56,414 a nurturing womb birthing you into a new life. 317 00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:58,708 I love it. 318 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,252 Yeah. Really? 319 00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,045 Nice work, Ted. Thank you. 320 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,588 Can you add some of these touches 321 00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:05,799 to the existing 18th floor etr as well? 322 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:07,676 Absolutely. Great. 323 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,594 Let's take a look. 324 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,517 Okay, so I'm thinking this wall... 325 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,768 You're fired! 326 00:16:16,852 --> 00:16:18,895 What? I wanted this room! 327 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,773 This exact room, two floors up! 328 00:16:21,857 --> 00:16:24,025 But” youtefued! 329 00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:25,569 Now, get the hell out of here. 330 00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:30,407 Hey, honey. 331 00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,831 Anyone from the band rush, 332 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:41,501 a Montreal meatpie, and superhero lunch boxes. 333 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:47,674 Okay. Rick moranis, the reverse Rick moranis, 334 00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,301 antique judaica. 335 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:51,386 I give up. No. 336 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:54,723 I've been guessing for three days. I'm done. 337 00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:57,517 If that means I never get to know, so be it. 338 00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:58,685 Fine. 339 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,979 Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! 340 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,665 Okay, you really want to know? 341 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,024 All: Yes! 342 00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,192 Okay. 343 00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:08,612 But this information does not leave this table. 344 00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,824 Oh, my god. I am so excited. 345 00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:15,887 I'm going to read it. Read it. 346 00:17:15,911 --> 00:17:16,971 I'm going to read it. Read it. 347 00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,413 I'm going to read it. Here we go. 348 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:24,920 "The frozen snowshoe, old king Clancy, Harvey's trays." 349 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:29,466 Right. 350 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:32,802 I don't know what any of those words mean. 351 00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:35,764 Is one of those supposed to be a celebrity? 352 00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:40,060 Yeah, who the hell is old king Clancy? 353 00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:43,063 No, that's not the person, that's the sex act. 354 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:47,400 It's the same as a Sacramento turtleneck, except with maple syrup. 355 00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:50,612 So the celebrity was Harvey strays? 356 00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,572 No, that's what he collected. 357 00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:54,074 Harvey's trays. 358 00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:58,119 You know, those classic orange trays you get whenever you eat at Harvey's? 359 00:17:58,495 --> 00:17:59,829 The restaurant? 360 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:03,083 Oh, come on, you're road-tripping down the trans-Canada highway, 361 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,627 you get a hunger on between milverton and wawa, 362 00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,672 where are you gonna strap on a feed bag, huh? Harvey's. 363 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,173 "Over 12,000 served!" 364 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,134 So the celebrity was... 365 00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:15,553 The frozen snowshoe. 366 00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:19,808 Oh, my god! You guys have never heard of the frozen snowshoe? 367 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:23,186 He's only the most famous professional wrestler in Canada. 368 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:26,982 I met him after he defeated reckless Rick Rogers 369 00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:30,860 in the kamloops memorial arena back in '02. Classic match. 370 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:35,115 So you're saying the frozen snowshoe 371 00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:39,619 invited you back to his place to look at Harvey's trays, 372 00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:42,330 and asked you to do an old king Clancy? 373 00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:46,251 Exactly. And I'm serious, you cannot tell anyone. 374 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,671 Well, my hiccups are gone. 375 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,715 Possibly forever. 376 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,384 Canada! You did it again. 377 00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:57,137 You even found a way to ruin this. 378 00:18:57,220 --> 00:19:00,974 Why? Why do we let you be a country? 379 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,101 Hey, Mr. Mister. Hey. 380 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:04,477 Shouldn't you be upstairs, 381 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,563 designing your big, fancy etr? 382 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:07,689 I'm off the project. 383 00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:08,773 What? 384 00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,066 Bilson fired me. 385 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,609 You're kidding me. 386 00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:15,530 So what does this mean for you at your firm? Are you going to get laid off? 387 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,657 Actually, I just quit. 388 00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:22,704 Because I can't work for big, heartless corporate clients anymore. 389 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,456 When I was pitching to your "task force," 390 00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:27,167 I was doing the most inspired work of my career. 391 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:31,212 In a way, you idiots reminded me how much fun my job can be 392 00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:34,257 when I'm not answering to the bilsons of the world, so 393 00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:35,759 I quit. 394 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:36,968 Wow. 395 00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:38,904 They fired you, didn't they? 396 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,221 Yes, sir. 397 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:44,059 But I got a sweet severance package and I've made a big decision. 398 00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:45,685 I'm going to start my own firm. 399 00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:47,020 Vvhoa, buddyl that's exciting. 400 00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:48,772 In this economy? 401 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,316 So you're not mad? 402 00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:54,444 As it turns out, I'm grateful. 403 00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:59,282 So how'd it all go down between you and bilson? 404 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,702 Well, after he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, 405 00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:05,789 I made an impromptu presentation using a four-pronged approach 406 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,415 that really brought him to his knees. 407 00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:08,625 Hit him with a chair? Yep. 408 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,293 That's my boy. 409 00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:18,802 And this one, I got on the drive from milverton to wawa. 410 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:23,264 Wow. That's pretty impressive, the frozen snowshoe. 411 00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:25,809 Please, we're friends. Just call me "shoe." 412 00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:27,811 Have a seat. 413 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,651 So, shoe, 414 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,737 how would you like to give me 415 00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,950 an old king Clancy? 416 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,539 I think you should go.