1 00:00:02,712 --> 00:00:04,648 Older Ted: Kids, in our sophomore year of college, 2 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,507 when aunt Lily came back from spring break, 3 00:00:06,591 --> 00:00:09,051 uncle Marshall surprised her at the airport. 4 00:00:09,135 --> 00:00:12,180 And she surprised him with a six-pack of locally brewed beer. 5 00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:14,849 Fort lager-Dale! Get it? 6 00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:17,018 And with that, a ritual was born. 7 00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:18,769 For the next 11 years, 8 00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,688 whenever either of them would fly anywhere... 9 00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:23,441 Minne-cider! Get it? 10 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,194 The reunion was always commemorated with a chauffeur sign 11 00:00:26,277 --> 00:00:28,196 and a six-pack from wherever they'd been. 12 00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:32,158 Aspen yards ale! Get it? 13 00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:33,241 Actually, no. 14 00:00:33,284 --> 00:00:35,119 Me, neither. I was hoping you would. 15 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:39,540 But then, one night in January of 2009, the unthinkable happened. 16 00:00:39,624 --> 00:00:40,750 I'm not picking her up. 17 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,043 What? 18 00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:44,587 Lin doesn't want me taking a cab all the way to the airport 19 00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:47,006 just to take a cab all the way back, you know? 20 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,257 But the six-pack thing. 21 00:00:48,341 --> 00:00:51,552 Ted, that stuff was fun when we were younger, 22 00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:53,054 but we've grown past that. 23 00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:56,224 As we mature, the relationship matures with us. 24 00:00:56,307 --> 00:00:59,060 But, I mean, you guys are such an inspiration to the rest of us, 25 00:00:59,143 --> 00:01:01,604 how you're so devoted and connected. 26 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:05,316 I look at you guys, and that's all I want in the whole world. 27 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,944 Ted, there's two college girls outside, and they look easy! 28 00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:12,031 So, Arizona... 29 00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,741 You know, I've always wanted to see 30 00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:15,576 what an Arizona driver's license looks like. 31 00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:17,512 I already ran that play, bro. They're 21. We're good. 32 00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:20,081 Thank god. So, what brings you guys to town? 33 00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:21,582 Our band's got a gig. 34 00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:23,042 You're in a band? 35 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,478 Hey, maybe we can come see you play. 36 00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,337 Excuse us for a sec. 37 00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:29,312 Ted, what the hell is the matter with you? 38 00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:30,758 We're not gonna go see them play. 39 00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:31,926 Why not? 40 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:35,471 If we see them play, we're no better than the bleach-blonde bimbos 41 00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:38,099 who flash their boobs at a Van halen concert. 42 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:39,785 Yeah, but don't those girls get to have sex 43 00:01:39,809 --> 00:01:41,269 with Van halen after the show? 44 00:01:41,352 --> 00:01:44,438 If you want to have sex with Van halen, do it on your own time, Ted. 45 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:47,191 We are not the "maybe we can come see you play" guys. 46 00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,276 We're the other guys, 47 00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:53,072 the older guys who never showed up and whose approval they now crave. 48 00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,032 So, we're their dads? 49 00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,450 Exactly. 50 00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:57,952 Okay. 51 00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:01,914 It's a big meeting, so I don't think we're gonna make it. 52 00:02:01,998 --> 00:02:03,916 Maybe next time, kiddos. 53 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,394 But if you guys want to meet up after your show, 54 00:02:05,418 --> 00:02:06,752 maybe we could exchange numbers... 55 00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:08,337 Excuse us for a minute. 56 00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,091 Ted, have you gone completely insane? 57 00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,093 We don't want their phone numbers. 58 00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:15,237 Yeah. I don't know what I was doing. 59 00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:16,846 I guess I panicked out there. 60 00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:19,807 When you exchange numbers with a chick, 61 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,476 you give them the ability to call and cancel. 62 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,813 If you set a date without a number, they have to show up. 63 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,316 Check and mate! 64 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:31,319 The only digits I need are these. 65 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,322 Honka. 66 00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:36,574 Are you still their dad? 67 00:02:39,035 --> 00:02:41,787 So, why don't we just meet here tomorrow night around 10:00? 68 00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:43,831 I think it's supposed to snow. 69 00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,624 What do we do if there's a blizzard? 70 00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:47,335 Either way, we'll be here. 71 00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:49,128 Snow problem. 72 00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,922 Excuse us just onelastsecond. 73 00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:55,593 What is the problem now? 74 00:02:56,302 --> 00:02:57,345 Nice one. 75 00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:58,846 Yeah. Thanks 76 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,574 all right, we'll see you tomorrow night. 77 00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:02,350 Totally. Awesome! 78 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:04,685 "Totally." "awesome!" 79 00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:06,729 Man, these college chicks sound stupid. 80 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:07,897 Totally. Awesome. 81 00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,857 So, here's the thing, tomorrow night, 82 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:12,902 dress to move, it's gonna be a mess! 83 00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:15,696 I still think we should've gotten their numbers. 84 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:18,240 You always assume something is gonna go wrong. 85 00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:21,786 Ted, I promise you, nothing is gonna go wrong. 86 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,330 Hey, it's starting to snow. 87 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:52,525 Older Ted: Kids, the blizzard of '09 was a monster. 88 00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,402 It snowed for three days straight, 89 00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:57,488 which led to three amazing stories. 90 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,906 I'll start with me and Barney. 91 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,659 It's pretty nasty out there. I don't think they're coming. 92 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,786 Of course they're coming. They have to. 93 00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:08,124 If icanland just one of these girls, I'll have party school bingo. 94 00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,088 Come on, Ted. You're the only one here. 95 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,924 Oh, sorry. What's party school bingo? 96 00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:21,929 Every year, playboy releases a list of the top party schools in the country. 97 00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:25,891 I take the top 25, and I make up a bingo card. 98 00:04:26,851 --> 00:04:30,479 All I need is Arizona tech, which is crazy. 99 00:04:30,563 --> 00:04:33,774 In league play, that would normally be designated a free space. 100 00:04:33,858 --> 00:04:37,611 So, how many people are in on this party school bingo thing? 101 00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:40,739 Oh, it's just me. So what's the point, then? 102 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:43,742 The point is to get five in a row. 103 00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:47,788 And what do you get when you get five in a row? 104 00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,584 I get bingo. 105 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:54,879 Thanks for coming by. 106 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:57,122 I monkeyed around with the thermostat for about an hour 107 00:04:57,173 --> 00:04:59,341 before I realized it was the intercom. 108 00:04:59,425 --> 00:05:01,552 Yeah, I heard you swearing downstairs. 109 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,554 Hey, so, Lily's flight's coming in tonight. 110 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,848 You're really not gonna go pick her up? 111 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:10,436 Robin, Robin, like I said, as we mature, 112 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:13,022 our relationship matures with us. 113 00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:17,318 Yeah, well, if I know your wife, she's gonna get you that six-pack anyway. 114 00:05:19,737 --> 00:05:23,073 Marshall? Marshall? 115 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,326 Puget stout. 116 00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:28,537 A most exquisite Seattle microbrew. 117 00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:31,332 And speaking of six-packs... 118 00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,840 What are you doing? I'm going to the airport. 119 00:05:39,924 --> 00:05:41,175 How could I be so stupid? 120 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,927 Of course she's bringing me a six-pack! 121 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:46,096 But this time, I didn't bring him a six-pack. 122 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:50,434 Because as we mature, the relationship matures with us. 123 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,896 Well, he sounds like a nice young man. 124 00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:57,942 I'll bet he surprises you and picks you up anyway. 125 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:01,570 Oh, baby. 126 00:06:01,654 --> 00:06:03,113 Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. 127 00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:07,493 Where's my beer? We said we weren't gonna. 128 00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:11,205 I have beer. 129 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:14,458 Wow. A six-pack and you're an appropriate height for me. 130 00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,377 Let's go, new Lily. 131 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,422 Oh, man, I got to get some beer. 132 00:06:20,506 --> 00:06:22,091 Folks, this is your captain speaking. 133 00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:25,094 Looks like we're going to be arriving an hour early. 134 00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,345 Yes! 135 00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,723 Drink up, boys. I'm closing the bar. 136 00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:31,559 Whoa, no! It's only 9:00. 137 00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,435 And this place is raging, yo! 138 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:38,524 Guys, I'm really sorry, but I got to go set up cots in the church basement. 139 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,568 It doubles as a shelter on snowy nights like this. 140 00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,069 You selfish bastard! 141 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:44,738 There are two very hot girls coming here to meet us. 142 00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:46,633 Can't you just leave the place open a little while longer? 143 00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:47,937 We'll keep an eye on everything. 144 00:06:47,992 --> 00:06:49,285 You two? No way. 145 00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:51,346 You wouldn't know the first thing about running a bar. 146 00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:52,663 Serve the hotties first? 147 00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:54,873 Here's the keys. 148 00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:01,589 Here's the keys. 149 00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:05,050 As soon as your girls show up, you turn off the lights and you lock up. 150 00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,614 And I don't want to come back here and find this place trashed. 151 00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,888 Wow, seriously? I can trust you guys. 152 00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:12,659 Older Ted: To understand what it meant to us to get the keys to maclaren's, 153 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,602 I have to take you back a few years, 154 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,445 to the night that I uttered five little words 155 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,189 that every man, at some point in his life, will say. 156 00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,399 We should buy a bar. 157 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,901 Of course, we should buy a bar! 158 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,946 We should totally buy a bar. We should totally buy a bar. 159 00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,656 Our bar would be awesome. 160 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:31,827 And dude, dude, dude, dude, 161 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:36,540 the name of our bar, puzzles. 162 00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:40,085 People will be like, "why is it called puzzles?" 163 00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:42,046 That's the puzzle. 164 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:45,591 That is 165 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,135 a great name for a bar! 166 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:51,096 And also, at puzzles, no last call. 167 00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,389 No last call! 168 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:54,850 Only when every single person is finished 169 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,935 having the greatest night of his or her life 170 00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,479 do we stack the chairs on the table 171 00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:01,982 and power down the three-story Margarita waterfall. 172 00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:04,902 We should buy a bar. We should buy a bar. 173 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,297 Older Ted: And like the other ill-advised five-word sentences 174 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,281 every man eventually says in his life... 175 00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:11,742 I can jump that far. 176 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,869 I'm gonna win her back. 177 00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:15,704 I can trust you guys. 178 00:08:15,788 --> 00:08:18,916 We would come to regret it. We just didn't know it yet. 179 00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:23,003 Aruba, Jamaica ooh I wanna take ya 180 00:08:23,087 --> 00:08:27,007 Bermuda, bahama come on pretty mama 181 00:08:27,091 --> 00:08:30,386 key largo, montego baby why don't we go 182 00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:33,514 ooh I wanna take you down to kokomo 183 00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:37,643 we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow 184 00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:42,898 that's where we wanna go way down in kokomo 185 00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:47,528 You have it? Awesome, I'll be right there. 186 00:08:49,405 --> 00:08:51,573 Ranjit! Hello. 187 00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:53,701 I'm Rachel sondheimer. 188 00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:55,077 Wait a minute, Lily. 189 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,789 If you are getting off the plane, where is Marshall? 190 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,249 And where is your six-pack? 191 00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:05,254 That's the problem. I have to get to brewniverse in east Meadow in an hour. 192 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,380 To the town car! 193 00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:07,631 Thank you. 194 00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,718 Barkeep, triple sec. 195 00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,803 Coming right up, tap-minder. 196 00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:14,972 Hey! 197 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,058 We'll get one. 198 00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:22,146 Order up! Order up. Okay. 199 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,400 We'll get one. 200 00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:28,485 Oh, thank god you're still here. 201 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,529 I don't know if you guys have ever seen star wars, 202 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,156 but it's like hoth out there. 203 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,240 Dibs. 204 00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:37,745 It reminds me of when I used to go sledding with my dad, before he left. 205 00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:39,288 And dibs. 206 00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,457 So, can we warm you up with a drink? 207 00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:44,001 Sure. Oh, by the way, I invited the rest 208 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,353 of the band to come and meet us. 209 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:48,213 We were hoping to get drunk. I mean, really drunk. 210 00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,090 Like my dad used to. 211 00:09:50,174 --> 00:09:52,134 Dibsity, dibsity, dibsity. 212 00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:55,321 Well, I guess we could keep the place open a little bit longer. 213 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,347 As long as it's just you and the band. 214 00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,936 Melissa, what kind of band is this? 215 00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,856 We're the Arizona tech fighting hens marching band. 216 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,858 Go, heny go, heny 217 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:12,112 older Ted: And then, your uncle Barney and I had one of our telepathic conversations. 218 00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:16,408 Dude, Carl's gonna kill us if we don't kick everyone out of here right now. 219 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:21,121 Aruba, Jamaica ooh I wanna take ya 220 00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,664 Barney, I'm serious. 221 00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:24,583 We promised we wouldn't mess the place up. 222 00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:28,712 Bermuda, bahama come on pretty mama 223 00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:30,779 all right, I guess you have a point. 224 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,176 The bar is open! 225 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,679 Who wants a beer, huh? 226 00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:42,559 I still say this is stupid. 227 00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:43,852 What happened to, 228 00:10:43,936 --> 00:10:46,188 "as we mature, the relationship matures with us"? 229 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:49,817 That's just something Lily read in psychology today. 230 00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,945 All right, she read it in cosmo. 231 00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:54,822 All right, I read it in cosmo. 232 00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:57,825 All right, it was cosmo girl! Just drive, okay? 233 00:10:57,908 --> 00:10:59,576 I just don't get why it's such a big deal 234 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,662 that one little ritual goes by the wayside. 235 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:05,415 It's not just this, okay? It's all of our little rituals. 236 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:09,169 Do you know what we used to do every day, the second I got home? 237 00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:12,756 Man, I don't want to hear about your crazy monkey sex. 238 00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:15,968 We would tell each other what we had to eat that day. 239 00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:21,348 Two eggs, a slice of cheese pizza and some steamed veggies. 240 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:26,603 Everything bagel, chicken breast, some celery sticks and a spoon of peanut butter. 241 00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:30,065 Crazy monkey sex? Crazy monkey sex. 242 00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:37,656 Lily, tmi, too many informations. 243 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:41,326 And you know what else I miss? Our lunchtime phone call. 244 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,621 Hey, baby, it's lunchtime, and I love you. 245 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,541 I reciprocate in principle, 246 00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:52,379 although with the caveat that there seems to be a bit of a surplus here on my end. 247 00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:55,007 No, I love you more. 248 00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:59,761 Do we need to get in a room together and bang this thing out? 249 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,683 Those sound like agreeable terms, 250 00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:07,269 although I may need to adjust my briefs. 251 00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:11,648 Love you, too. 252 00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:17,195 But today when she called, I let it go to voicemail. Voicemail! 253 00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:18,655 How could you? 254 00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:21,992 The thing I miss most is kissing at midnight on new year's Eve. 255 00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:26,204 It was a new year's tradition. But you know what we did this year? 256 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,041 Crazy monkey sex? 257 00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:35,255 Okay, all these cute, adorable little rituals? 258 00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:36,840 Yeah. They're stupid. 259 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:38,401 Telling each other what you had to eat? 260 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,094 You're like children playing house. 261 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:44,222 Well, maybe you just think they're stupid 262 00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:47,851 because you've never been in a relationship long enough to develop them. 263 00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:48,936 What? 264 00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:50,330 Yeah, you don't understand love, okay? 265 00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:54,149 You're like some robot who sees a person crying and says, 266 00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:56,944 "why is that human leaking?" 267 00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,737 Yeah. Is that right? 268 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,614 Well, then, robot initiating 269 00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:02,366 pull-over-to-the- side-of—the-road- 270 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,243 until-jackass- apologizes-to-me sequence. 271 00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:15,003 My robot was, like, a million times better. 272 00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:22,094 Hey, just so you know, the trough in the bathroom is overflowing. 273 00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:24,388 There's no trough in the bathroom. 274 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,682 And you just came out of the kitchen. 275 00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,559 Ted, what's in a gin and tonic? 276 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,144 What's in a gin and tonic? 277 00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:33,939 Okay, running a bar sucks. Let's just close up. 278 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,857 No! No! There's no last call. 279 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,318 Puzzles, go for Barney. 280 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,407 Good. You're still there. I'll be there in five. 281 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,490 Last call! 282 00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,933 Robin, there's a snowplow coming. We have to get back on the road. 283 00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:55,043 You think the only way to be in love is to have pet names. 284 00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:57,170 Or leave each other stupid, little notes, 285 00:13:57,254 --> 00:14:00,882 or go charging off into a blizzard for no good reason. 286 00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:02,944 Do you understand what's gonna happen if that plow comes by? 287 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,011 You know what you are? 288 00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,262 Okay. You're a love snob. 289 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,514 There's lots of ways to be in a relationship, 290 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:10,597 and you would know that if you ever left your little love snob country club. 291 00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:13,353 We're going to get buried by snow. That's going to happen. 292 00:14:13,437 --> 00:14:17,107 No, screw this. I'm not going to sit here and be insulted. 293 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,776 We're not going to the airport. We're going home. 294 00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,948 What just happened? 295 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:33,540 Hey, hey, hi. We called earlier about the Seattle microbrew. 296 00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,667 Yeah, good thing you called when you did. 297 00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:39,755 I was getting ready to close up. Storm of the century out there. 298 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:42,382 Of course, it's only '09, so storm of the 299 00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:44,718 century might be a little bit premature. 300 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:48,722 Let's say storm of the year. Although, it is only January. 301 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:52,309 We're kind of in a hurry, so we'll take the beer now. 302 00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:54,352 You are a cute couple. 303 00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,229 Thank you. We're not a couple. 304 00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:58,690 Thank god. That would be weird. 305 00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:04,446 Well, here she is. Supersonic tonic. 306 00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:08,033 No. This is a keg. I need a six-pack. 307 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:10,160 A keg's all I got. We'll take the keg. 308 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,747 What? Oh, no. Last time I had one of these in the car, 309 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:18,126 iwound up chipping dried vomit off the seat with a putty knife. 310 00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:22,589 I'm sorry, ranjit, but this is a ritual, and I am bringing him this beer. 311 00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,384 If you could just put it in the car. 312 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,096 I'll give you 50 bucks. 313 00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,639 To the town car. 314 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,689 Look, Robin, I'm sorry. You're not a robot. 315 00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:43,860 I mean, if you are, you're an incredibly advanced model, 316 00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:46,822 and the human race doesn't stand a chance. 317 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,575 You just don't choose to show your love through corny rituals, 318 00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,035 and that's fine. 319 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,955 But maybe the reason Lily and I do is because we always have, 320 00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:57,749 and we don't know any other way. 321 00:15:57,833 --> 00:16:02,796 One thing I do know is that if she's there sitting at the airport alone, 322 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:06,216 I have to go get her. Those are the rules. 323 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,887 Marshall, close your eyes. 324 00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:14,432 I don't know how you heard any of that as me hitting on you, but... 325 00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:15,934 Just do it. 326 00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:26,319 Now, let's go get your woman. 327 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,114 All right, come on. 328 00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:32,159 You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. 329 00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:33,535 I've always wanted to say that. 330 00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:34,911 I mean, in a bar. 331 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,289 I say it all the time at home. 332 00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:40,375 Dude, someday we should buy a bar. 333 00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:43,837 And when we do, we are never going to have last call. 334 00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:47,924 Come on, Barney. We said no last call. 335 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,426 We got to mean it. 336 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,094 Well, what are we supposed to do? 337 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:52,929 Carl's going to be here any minute. 338 00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:54,723 Only one thing we can do. 339 00:16:57,809 --> 00:17:00,312 Dude, running a bar is a pain in the ass. 340 00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,939 We should just stick with what we know. 341 00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,692 We should start a band. 342 00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,194 Of course we should start a band. 343 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,237 How have we not started a band yet? 344 00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:16,036 Older Ted: Kids, sometimes in life, the planets align, everything links up, 345 00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,205 and your timing is perfect. 346 00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:19,497 Marshall? 347 00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:20,624 Lily? 348 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,293 Marshall? 349 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:25,879 Lily? 350 00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,937 This wasn't one of those times. 351 00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,649 Where is she? 352 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,317 Seattle. 353 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,568 What? 354 00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:50,654 Her flight's canceled. It never took off. 355 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:53,490 No, no, she would've called me and... 356 00:17:57,494 --> 00:18:01,581 Hey, baby, it's me. My flight's been canceled because of some snowstorm 357 00:18:01,665 --> 00:18:03,917 and they couldn't rebook me till Thursday, 358 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,544 so I'm stuck here for another two days. 359 00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:09,673 But it's lunchtime, and I love you. 360 00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:13,885 Older Ted: Like I said, this was a three-day storm. 361 00:18:13,969 --> 00:18:15,178 Tuesday“. 362 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,554 I still say this is stupid. 363 00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,306 Wednesday 364 00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:20,767 and Thursday. 365 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:21,851 Microbrew. 366 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,354 So, on Tuesday, when Marshall heard that message... 367 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,731 She's not coming in till Thursday. 368 00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:27,917 I mean, we came all the way down here, 369 00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:29,901 and she's not coming in till Thursday. 370 00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:31,695 I feel so stupid. 371 00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:36,032 Look, let's just... let's not tell Lily about any of this, okay? 372 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,285 Especially the part about you hitting on me. 373 00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:39,786 I didn't hit on you. 374 00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,037 Exactly. 375 00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:44,165 Older Ted: Then on Wednesday... 376 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,793 Oh, man, I can't believe you drove all the way out there. 377 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:47,895 Now you're just going to turn around 378 00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,759 and drive all the way out there again tomorrow. 379 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,799 Yeah, no. This whole thing was a sign, you know? 380 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:56,386 It's time to put that old ritual to bed. I'm not going to pick her up. 381 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,471 And Robin really hit on you? 382 00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:01,057 Dude, it was weird. 383 00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:05,186 Bros, this party is awesome! 384 00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:07,188 You are true friends of the fighting hens. 385 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:10,984 If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask. 386 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,737 Isthe flute section seeing anyone? 387 00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:18,158 So, wait, you're really not gonna pick her up? 388 00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:19,242 Yeah, really. 389 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:22,662 So, the new year's kiss, the lunchtime phone calls, 390 00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:25,248 the whole "this is what I ate today" thing, 391 00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,917 you're really letting it all go? 392 00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:30,962 I really am. 393 00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:33,048 Older Ted: Which brings us to Thursday. 394 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:17,675 A muffin, a pastrami sandwich and a bag of chips. 395 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:20,887 And I know it's way past lunchtime, but I love you. 396 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,473 More and more each day, I love you, Lily. 397 00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:26,142 Happy new year. 398 00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:33,959 Wait, does this mean that I have to bring 399 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:35,419 a marching band to the airport from now on? 400 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,821 Absolutely, it does. Oh, crap. 401 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,334 Man 1: Go, hens! Man 2: Go, hens! 402 00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:55,755 Puzzles. 403 00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:58,425 That is a great band name. 404 00:21:01,052 --> 00:21:02,470 Hey, have you seen Amanda? 405 00:21:03,513 --> 00:21:04,848 Bingo!