1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:06,382
Older Ted: Kids, in the winter of 2009,
aunt Robin and I had just become roommates.

2
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:08,593
And to be honest, it
wasn't going very smoothly.

3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:10,526
Ooh, that looks good.
I'm gonna get some.

4
00:00:10,595 --> 00:00:12,013
Mmm. There's no more milk.

5
00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,416
No, I just saw
some in the fridge.

6
00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,349
Empty. 80 throw it out.

7
00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:16,767
The trash can's full.

8
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:18,519
So take the trash out.

9
00:00:18,603 --> 00:00:20,271
I'm eating cereal.

10
00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:24,400
You know, when I asked you
to be my roommate, I figured,

11
00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:26,694
"she's a girl, she'll be neat."

12
00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:29,947
Butno, you're ogre from
revenge of the nerds.

13
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:32,867
You know what, Ted?
Instead of coming up with

14
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,536
hot-off-the-press
topical references like that,

15
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,288
maybe you should
spend a little time,

16
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,416
I don't know,
washing a dish ever.

17
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,710
Oh, darn, I can't.

18
00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:44,545
I'm too busy leaving
a plate of cookies

19
00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:47,590
for the magical elf who
changes the toilet paper roll.

20
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:50,718
Wait,
there's no elf. It's always me!

21
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,595
I always change it.
You never do!

22
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,323
That is ridiculous! No, I
went in there yesterday...

23
00:00:54,347 --> 00:00:55,681
Ichangedit the last five times.

24
00:00:55,765 --> 00:00:59,060
Stop! Stop! What is going on?

25
00:00:59,143 --> 00:01:02,021
When we were dating each other,
we were practically living together

26
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,814
and we didn't drive
each other this crazy.

27
00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:06,150
I know. What happened?

28
00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:10,071
You know what it is?
We were having sex.

29
00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:14,450
Men and women need sex to
live together. It solves all disputes.

30
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,994
Oh, like Barney's theory
about world peace?

31
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,872
So I explained to
her, I said, "Madeline,

32
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:26,087
"every single international conflict
essentially boils down to sexual tension."

33
00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,714
Every international conflict?
Every single one, dude.

34
00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:31,884
So the crisis in the middle
east could be solved by...

35
00:01:31,968 --> 00:01:34,512
Gaza strippers. Next. Uh-huh.

36
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:35,888
Apartheid?

37
00:01:35,972 --> 00:01:37,932
Apart thighs. What else you got?

38
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,601
Cold war?

39
00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:44,063
"Mrs. Gorbachev,
take down those pants."

40
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:49,610
Well, guess we should
just start having sex, then.

41
00:01:49,694 --> 00:01:52,196
Yeah, right.

42
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,866
Wow. I know.

43
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:58,160
It's like riding a bike,
huh, buddy?

44
00:01:58,244 --> 00:01:59,662
Riding a bike
upside down, maybe.

45
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,916
Okay, listen. If this is
gonna happen on occasion,

46
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,377
we can't tell anyone
about this. Deal?

47
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,753
Deal. Deal.

48
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:26,397
Marshall, Marshall...

49
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,708
What the hell
are you guys doing?

50
00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:29,734
What, are you
guys back together?

51
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,445
No. We're just having sex
so we don't fight anymore.

52
00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:35,531
Oh, that's a great idea.
No, really.

53
00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:36,824
Two thumbs up, guys.

54
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,868
Hey, I just looked
into the future and

55
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:41,662
that works out
really great for everyone.

56
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:43,497
What are you even doing here?

57
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:48,127
I was on my way to work
and I just had to drop by here

58
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,087
to read this magazine.

59
00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:53,215
In that room over there.

60
00:02:53,299 --> 00:02:55,509
Oh, I get it.

61
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:56,969
No problem, buddy.

62
00:02:57,053 --> 00:02:58,346
Uh... yes, a problem, buddy.

63
00:02:58,429 --> 00:03:01,682
You came all the way over
here to read a magazine?

64
00:03:01,766 --> 00:03:06,103
I'm willing to bet that there is a
place to read a magazine at work.

65
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,856
You know, a room with
a little man on the door?

66
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:11,233
Okay, Robin. Come on.

67
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:13,694
Nobody likes to read
a magazine at work.

68
00:03:13,778 --> 00:03:17,198
I mean, you walk out of
your office holding a magazine

69
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:21,035
and that magazine is saying
one thing and one thing only.

70
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:24,372
Hey, everyone, look at
what Marshall's about to do!

71
00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:26,957
Marshall's about to
read a big old magazine

72
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,543
in the bathroom that
you all share with him.

73
00:03:32,463 --> 00:03:33,881
Well, have you thought about

74
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:36,842
maybe not reading a magazine
when you read a magazine?

75
00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:38,594
You gotta read a magazine.

76
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,805
I mean, that's why
there's magazines.

77
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,741
Otherwise, it's just time
you're not getting back.

78
00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:45,726
Exactly. And the
worst part is this,

79
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:49,146
that stretch of hallway from
my door to that restroom

80
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:53,192
is a gauntlet ofjudging eyes.

81
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,111
Marshall: You got my boss...

82
00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:58,155
We all know exactly
what you're about to do.

83
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:00,991
Marshall: Her boss...

84
00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:04,078
Man: Hey, Eriksen, why don't
you just move your desk in there?

85
00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:07,411
Marshall: I-can't-belie
ve-he-has-a-wife Donald.

86
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,625
Oh, sweetie, so obvious.

87
00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:14,964
Anyways, I just would
rather do that here.

88
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:17,758
No, I'm sorry.
This is our apartment now.

89
00:04:17,842 --> 00:04:21,595
Marshall, you have to read
a magazine some place else.

90
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:22,763
Give me your key.

91
00:04:22,847 --> 00:04:24,181
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

92
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:26,016
Marshall? I seem to recall

93
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,894
a deal being struck
between three parties

94
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:33,441
wherein none would discuss
a certain event that transpired.

95
00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:34,525
An event of the...

96
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:36,777
Persuasion.

97
00:04:36,861 --> 00:04:40,030
That key, madam,
buys my silence.

98
00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:41,615
Good day to you both.

99
00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:45,911
You two hooked up?

100
00:04:46,871 --> 00:04:48,581
Thanks a lot, Lily.

101
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:56,172
So, wow. You two slept
together. That is awf... some.

102
00:04:56,797 --> 00:05:00,843
Awfsome. Nice
work, Ted. Tap that.

103
00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:03,262
Itsounds like a
bigger deal than it is.

104
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,638
Yeah, we talked it over,

105
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:07,099
and we both realized we've
had a rough couple of months.

106
00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:08,225
We deserve a little fun.

107
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:12,062
No. This could wind up
ruining your friendship.

108
00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,732
When two exes try
to just be casual,

109
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,151
someone always
winds up getting hurt.

110
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:18,714
Older Ted: Turned
out, Lily was right.

111
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,237
But more on that later.

112
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,573
Look, guys, we got
this covered, okay?

113
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,284
No one's gonna get hurt.
We set up ground rules.

114
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,913
Okay, rule number one, this is
strictly a physical relationship.

115
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,456
There are no
feelings involved, okay?

116
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:33,334
Oh, please, that's like
telling the fonz to be cool.

117
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:36,504
And since it's just physical, we don't
have to worry about romance, right?

118
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,964
Hell, no. Oh, we can
do it while we watch TV.

119
00:05:39,048 --> 00:05:41,258
Totally. We can
multi-task, you know?

120
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:43,969
Use the sex to spice up
otherwise dull activities.

121
00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:46,222
Like folding laundry.
Paying bills.

122
00:05:46,305 --> 00:05:47,848
Cooking dinner.

123
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,309
That doesn't seem hygienic.
Yeah, not that one. No.

124
00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:53,604
And now that we're hooking
up, we're not fighting anymore.

125
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,813
Problem solved.

126
00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:56,482
Actually, the credit
belongs to Barney.

127
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,859
This whole idea came out of
your thing about world peace.

128
00:05:58,943 --> 00:06:00,528
Yeah. Thanks, Barney.

129
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:03,030
You were right.
Peace was achieved.

130
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,615
Repeatedly.

131
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,744
So I'm responsible for...

132
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,580
Excehent excehent excehent

133
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:16,460
uh... next round's on me!

134
00:06:20,965 --> 00:06:23,384
Hey, are you okay?
Yeah. Why do you ask?

135
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:27,054
Well, for one
thing, you're openly weeping.

136
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:28,514
With joy.

137
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:31,433
So happy for those two.

138
00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:33,727
Barney, admit it.

139
00:06:33,811 --> 00:06:37,273
You still have feelings for
Robin and this is killing you.

140
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:39,483
What? I am totally fine.

141
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:42,820
Now, excuse me
for just a minute.

142
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,333
Totally fine.

143
00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:59,795
Barney, you have to learn
how to express these feelings.

144
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,922
Maybe you should
talk to a psychiatrist.

145
00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:03,424
Please.

146
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:06,927
If I'm gonna pay some woman
$200 an hour to make me feel better,

147
00:07:07,011 --> 00:07:08,762
we aren't going to be talking.

148
00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:12,683
And we're both going
to be on that couch.

149
00:07:14,018 --> 00:07:16,937
The woman in this
scenario is a prostitute.

150
00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:21,942
A dirty, skanky, surgically
enhanced, eastern European...

151
00:07:22,026 --> 00:07:23,444
I got it.

152
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:26,506
And there's something kind of liberating
about not taking it all too seriously.

153
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:30,576
Last night, we actually did it while I
was returning a bunch of phone calls.

154
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,370
I knew you didn't
get a rowing machine.

155
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,043
Awesome, we're still
talking about this!

156
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:42,421
Look, guys, this is a private
thing between me and Ted.

157
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:43,664
Private thing. Private thing.

158
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,383
We wouldn't even
be talking about this

159
00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:49,219
if Marshall could read
a magazine at work.

160
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:52,973
He's always been this
way. Remember law school?

161
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:54,099
Sure do.

162
00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:00,814
Baby? Baby, what is it?

163
00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:03,692
The credit card bill came today.

164
00:08:03,776 --> 00:08:08,947
You checked into a hotel two
blocks from the school on a Tuesday.

165
00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,908
It's not what you think.

166
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,035
Who is she, Marshall?
What's her name?

167
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:17,623
Burrito. Carnitas burrito.

168
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:23,962
So, you checked into a hotel room
just so you could read a magazine there?

169
00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:25,326
Hey, Robin,
do you want me to see

170
00:08:25,381 --> 00:08:28,967
if the waitress has any giant sugar
cubes for that high horse of yours?

171
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,345
Nobody likes to read
a magazine at work,

172
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,681
and if they say that they
do, then they're not human.

173
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,892
Dude, I read a magazine
at work every day.

174
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,353
I can't tell you how many
meetings I've been late to

175
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,605
because I was busy
reading a magazine.

176
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,107
Butldont feel bad about it.

177
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,525
That's my time.

178
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:48,612
Sure, "reading a magazine"
ain't pretty, but, you know,

179
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:51,907
it's something I gotta do.
So why be ashamed about it?

180
00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:57,329
Wait, reading a magazine
means masturbating, right?

181
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:02,835
I can't believe it. You
drank all my milk again.

182
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,629
We can have sex. Okay.

183
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,466
It's the perfect setup.

184
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,385
Anytime we start
getting into an argument,

185
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,011
we just have sex instead. Ha!

186
00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:16,390
One minute we're just laying into
each other, and then the next minute...

187
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:17,975
Well, same thing.

188
00:09:18,851 --> 00:09:19,852
Awesome.

189
00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,733
So, this morning, she's
yelling at me through the door,

190
00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,568
"you're taking too
long in the shower!"

191
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:30,446
Next thing I know, she hops in.

192
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,824
Now baby don't
mind I took my time.

193
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,577
So awesome.

194
00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:41,206
Sorry I'm late.

195
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:44,585
I was just jamming on scherbatsky.
She used up all my stamps,

196
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:48,088
so long story short,
the postman rang twice.

197
00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:49,882
You must bump this!

198
00:09:51,467 --> 00:09:55,179
That's just so...

199
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,348
Excuse me for a second.

200
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:12,029
So, you're saying plasmas
are better for low light,

201
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,031
but lcds are better for games?

202
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:18,744
Right, but the crts
have the truest blacks.

203
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:21,413
So, if I want a really
crisp contrast ratio...

204
00:10:21,497 --> 00:10:23,290
The crt's deep-pixel
cell structure

205
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:26,126
produces a resolution you
just can't match with an lcd.

206
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:27,211
Uh-huh.

207
00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:28,879
I'll take the crt.

208
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:34,927
Barney, this is nuts.

209
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:36,762
I'm doing just fine, thank you.

210
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:41,058
No, you're not. You need
to learn to let this stuff out.

211
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,310
Like we do in my
kindergarten class.

212
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,562
Feelings hour every
Tuesday morning.

213
00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:47,481
Look, Lily, maybe
your kindergartners

214
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:51,735
are upset that their friends are
sleeping with each other, but not me.

215
00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:52,986
I have never been better.

216
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:56,240
Older Ted: Meanwhile,
Marshall was still struggling at work.

217
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,492
Coming through.

218
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:02,371
Big breakfast this morning.
You know what that means.

219
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:06,083
Older Ted: But then came the
best news he'd heard in a long time.

220
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,461
And did you hear? They laid
off everybody on the eighth floor.

221
00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:12,130
I know. It's a ghost
town down there.

222
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,740
Morning. Morning.

223
00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:40,534
Hey, that was fun last night.

224
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,661
Word, that was a good one.

225
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,622
Mental note, don't throw
out the pizza box more often.

226
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,126
All right, see you later.

227
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:55,757
Uh-oh.

228
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,467
Uh-oh.

229
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,475
So last night, Robin left a
pizza box out on the floor,

230
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,269
so we had sex three times. Sure.

231
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:10,689
And then, this morning
before I left for work, we kissed.

232
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:14,026
That's weird. That is weird.

233
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:17,404
Right? That kiss violated the
spirit of our whole arrangement.

234
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,948
I mean, she probably thinks
I'm getting feelings for her.

235
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:21,575
Well, are you?

236
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,160
Yes, I'm in love with her.

237
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:27,039
Is what you... that's you, dude.

238
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,083
No. It didn't mean anything.

239
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:33,170
It was just some leftover reflex
from when we were a couple.

240
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,255
But I think I probably blew it.

241
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:39,843
Definitely. It is so over.

242
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:42,971
Hold the phone. Maybe Robin
didn't think it was weird.

243
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:46,808
It was weird. Weird,
weird, weird, weird, weird.

244
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:49,603
W-i-e-r-d, weird.

245
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,063
That's not how you spell weird.

246
00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:52,898
Come on, Lily.
Nobody likes a Ted.

247
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,025
I tried to warn you.

248
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,445
When exes relapse,
someone always gets hurt.

249
00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:01,281
But no one listened.
Story of my life.

250
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:04,326
My cuteness interferes with
people hearing my message.

251
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:05,744
Well, what should I do?

252
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,621
There's only one thing to do.

253
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,582
You have to stop
sleeping together, please.

254
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,460
I think we have to
stop sleeping together.

255
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,463
With me and Ted,
it's like cigarettes.

256
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,691
You have one when you're
drunk and you think it's fine.

257
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:21,343
But before you know it,
you're buying a carton a week.

258
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,178
I think I have to end it.

259
00:13:23,387 --> 00:13:25,472
Yup. I have to end it.

260
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:28,809
So, we're ending it, huh?

261
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:31,311
I think so, yeah.
It's probably for the best.

262
00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:32,395
Mmm-hmm.

263
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,815
It was fun, but I don't
want things to get weird.

264
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:35,941
Me neither.

265
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:37,693
Roomies? Roomies.

266
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:42,531
Robin!

267
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,158
But we tell no one. Deal?

268
00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:46,493
Deal. Deal.

269
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,453
Robin: Dude! Come on!

270
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,747
What is the matter with you?

271
00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:53,458
Thatone.

272
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,338
So, that didn't last long.

273
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:02,342
By the way, Marshall, what were
you doing back in our apartment?

274
00:14:02,426 --> 00:14:04,052
I thought you had
the perfect situation.

275
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,263
I did.

276
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,366
Marshall: Everything
was going great.

277
00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:11,935
I was feeling more
comfortable, more confident.

278
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,354
I felt I could
take on the world.

279
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:19,067
Till one morning, I took my
magazine down to the eighth floor.

280
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,656
We gotta gut this whole place.

281
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:29,369
I need these walls
taken out here and here.

282
00:14:29,453 --> 00:14:31,371
You got it. All right.

283
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:37,627
Celebrities pick up their dry
cleaning? I pick up my dry cleaning.

284
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:40,464
Don't come in!

285
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,966
So that didn't last long.

286
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,055
Oh, thanks. What are you doing?

287
00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:50,599
Oh, well, since all
these roomie squabbles

288
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,535
are still causing friction
between you and Robin,

289
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,769
I thought I'd help out.

290
00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:57,314
Oh, btw, iwent by the post office
today. I picked you up some stamps.

291
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,316
Here's 10,000.
That ought to do you.

292
00:14:59,775 --> 00:15:04,196
Um, okay. Thanks, I
guess. Hey, you want a beer?

293
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,739
Okay.

294
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:06,865
Whoa!

295
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,135
Yeah, I picked those
up on the way over.

296
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,452
It was nothing.

297
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:14,039
Did you buy us a dishwasher?

298
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,291
No. That dishwasher's
always been there.

299
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:17,626
How long have you lived here?

300
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:27,886
So, you're doing all this to keep
me and Robin from fighfing, huh?

301
00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:30,847
Exactly. I worry about you two.

302
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:36,603
It bothers you that Robin and
I are hooking up, doesn't it?

303
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:40,107
No. Not at all. That's crazy.

304
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:42,859
What?

305
00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:47,405
Are you in love with Robin?

306
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:57,624
You're in love with Robin. That's
why you don't want us hooking up.

307
00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:00,127
What? That is crazy talk.

308
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:05,048
Can't a bro clean another
bro's apartment like bros do?

309
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:08,426
Name me one bro in the history
of bros who has ever done that.

310
00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:13,014
I'll name two.

311
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:15,642
Misters clean and Belvedere.

312
00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:20,313
Look, this thing with me
and Robin, it's totally casual.

313
00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:23,650
I'm not gonna freak out if you tell me
you have feelings for her. So, do you?

314
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:27,487
No.no, idont. Ldont,
no. Idont. Ldont.No.

315
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:30,824
Robin is all yours,
dude. Have fun with her.

316
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:35,704
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm
gonna go sleep with other girls.

317
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,539
Are you sure? Yes!

318
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:40,417
Positive? Absolutely.

319
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:46,381
And then I stormed
out. Why did I do that?

320
00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:50,552
I mean, maybe it goes
back to my father issues,

321
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:53,221
but I basically gave
my best friend license

322
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:58,435
to have sex with the girl of my
dreams. I totally sabotaged myself.

323
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:02,606
And now I'm smoking.
Now I'm smoking.

324
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:05,984
Get out.

325
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:10,197
But it's feelings hour and I'm
holding feely the share bear.

326
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,658
And whoever's holding feely the
share bear gets to sit in the share chair.

327
00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:17,370
Barney, this is not your
private therapist's office.

328
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:20,498
These kids have issues to
talk about, too, you know.

329
00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:22,542
Ben's parents are
getting divorced.

330
00:17:22,626 --> 00:17:23,877
They are?

331
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:27,005
Who wants to do some coloring?

332
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:34,596
Oh, great. Did Lily send you?
I don't have the bear, okay?

333
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,598
I'm not giving it back!

334
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,351
Why are you smiling?

335
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:44,648
I just read a magazine.
Here at work.

336
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:46,524
What?

337
00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,068
Yeah. It's the funniest thing.

338
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:50,445
I was online,
looking up rates for hotels

339
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:52,656
when I realized something.

340
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,032
This is stupid.

341
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:58,453
I decided it was time
to let go of my hang-ups

342
00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:01,498
and do the thing I gotta do,
and once I made that decision,

343
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,582
everything changed.

344
00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:09,673
There's a young man who's
comfortable with who he is.

345
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:17,764
Donald: I know what you're
about to do, and I respect you for it.

346
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:21,559
Man: Hey, Eriksen.
Go the distance.

347
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:32,988
Marshall, you made
a brave step today.

348
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,115
Remember what Shakespeare wrote,

349
00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:38,994
"virtue is bold, and
goodness never fearful."

350
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,913
You're right, super-hot-lady

351
00:18:41,997 --> 00:18:45,250
who-my-wife-keeps-telling-me
why-you're-famous-but-i-keep-forgetting.

352
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,584
Let's do this.

353
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:47,752
Lead the way.

354
00:18:52,549 --> 00:18:55,093
Wow, Marshall. Congratulations.

355
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,470
Thanks. I was gonna have
to do it eventually, you know?

356
00:18:57,554 --> 00:19:01,808
Sometimes you just gotta
man up and just go for it.

357
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,979
Marshall, I have to go.

358
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:11,735
Oh, by the way, I have a bathroom
here if you ever want to use it.

359
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:15,905
Son of a...

360
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,992
Ted, I have to
tell you the truth.

361
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,661
I'm in love with tacos.

362
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:26,333
What are you doing?
I'm taking out the trizzash.

363
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:29,336
Ifyoute ioohngfor Ted, helefl.

364
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:34,924
And our little arrangement
is over, by the way.

365
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:37,594
Really? That's awes... full.

366
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,220
Awesful?

367
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:40,805
Yeah, it's just awesful.

368
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:44,517
What happened? He just insisted.

369
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:48,146
He said he couldn't do it anymore
because someone's gonna get hurt.

370
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,398
I think we all know
who he meant by that.

371
00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:52,484
Do we?

372
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:56,029
Isn't it obvious?

373
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:58,656
Ish? Yeah.

374
00:19:58,740 --> 00:19:59,824
It's Ted.

375
00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,743
Oh. You know what
a romantic he is.

376
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:04,204
He can't separate the
physical from the emotional.

377
00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:06,039
He's all like... I love you.

378
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:09,667
Exactly.
He's not like you, you know?

379
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:11,878
Besides, we're friends.

380
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,881
I don't want to screw
that up by getting involved.

381
00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:17,759
Dating friends never works out.

382
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:21,388
So you want to get a taco?

383
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,140
A taco?

384
00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:25,975
You love them, remember?

385
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,019
Right.

386
00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:29,979
Come on, I'm hungry.

387
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:34,359
Wake up, I'm trying to show you

388
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:40,407
I wanna come clean

389
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:43,243
older Ted: So Robin and I
went back to just being roommates,

390
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:45,328
and things went back to normal.

391
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:46,996
Your aunt Lily was right.

392
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:51,126
When two exes decide to just be
casual, someone always gets hurt.

393
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:55,588
It just wasn't one of us.

394
00:20:55,672 --> 00:21:00,093
The one that you
put on a pedestal