1 00:00:02,587 --> 00:00:04,147 Older Ted: Kids, everyone has an opinion 2 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:06,257 on how long it takes to recover from a breakup. 3 00:00:06,716 --> 00:00:08,551 Half the length of the relationship. 4 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,553 One week for every month you were together. 5 00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:13,848 Exactly 10,000 drinks. However long that takes. 6 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,559 You can't measure something like this in time. 7 00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,394 There's a series of steps. 8 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:22,023 From her bed to the front door. Bam! Out of there. Next! 9 00:00:22,899 --> 00:00:25,586 Older Ted: But I think you start to recover the moment you meet that person 10 00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,904 who gets you back in the game. 11 00:00:28,613 --> 00:00:31,532 This is the story of how I met that person. 12 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:43,419 Now, kids, if you want to go swimming, you don't just dive in. 13 00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:45,963 First, you dip your toe in the water. 14 00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:48,466 Hey. 15 00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:59,143 You check the temperature. See how it feels. 16 00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:03,272 I'm Ted. Vicky. 17 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:34,095 And then you slowly Wade in. 18 00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,930 I got left at the altar a month ago. 19 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,348 Or, you know, cannonball. 20 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,393 It was a complete disaster, and ever since then, 21 00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:43,688 I haven't been able to even look at another woman. 22 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:47,316 Except for the old lady on the subway who breakdances for nickels. 23 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,902 I don't look at her that way. I just look at her. 24 00:01:49,986 --> 00:01:53,531 I mean, it's an old lady breakdancing. And she is good. 25 00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:57,201 I'm going to give her a dollar next time. 26 00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:00,329 Hey, let's pretend I just said this. 27 00:02:00,413 --> 00:02:03,124 These elevator rides have been the highlight of my week, 28 00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:06,085 and I'd love to see you again Friday night. 29 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:10,381 Not in the elevator. At a restaurant, a nice one. 30 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:14,593 What do you say? Yes. 31 00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:31,148 Older Ted: Kids, I walked in on a lot of crazy stuff 32 00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,112 at the old apartment over the years. 33 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,577 Sorry, guys. I'm just going to go with a bowl of fruit. 34 00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:43,080 It's been 12 minutes! 35 00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:49,712 Drop it! You first! 36 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,273 Ike, why are you pointing your gun at me? 37 00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:54,342 Don't use my name! Put the guns down, now! 38 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,974 But one of the craziest things I ever walked in on 39 00:03:02,058 --> 00:03:05,436 happened when I was roommates with your aunt Robin. 40 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:12,109 Hey. Hey. 41 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,989 Who are you? Mitch. 42 00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:23,412 What are you doing, Mitch? You must be the roommate. 43 00:03:23,496 --> 00:03:27,041 I'm on a date with Robin. She had to step outside to take a call. 44 00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,844 I guess her cell phone doesn't work in here. 45 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:31,921 Oh! 46 00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:35,549 Oh. Robin didn't use the super-secret signal. 47 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:38,260 We put this old takeout menu on the doorknob. 48 00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:41,555 Place went out of business. Mr. Wang's. 49 00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:44,767 Guess I don't have to explain why that's funny. 50 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,310 I'm gonna go. 51 00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:53,567 When you leave, take the seat cushion with you. That's trash now. 52 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:57,154 I think that I am more than qualified for the job. 53 00:03:57,238 --> 00:04:01,700 My weaknesses? I would say caring too much, working too hard, 54 00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:03,953 and putting my career in front of my love life. 55 00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:06,997 Whoops! That last one was real. What? 56 00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:14,088 Well, it appears our sweet, innocent little Robin has taken a lover. 57 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,507 A young blade by the name of Mitch. 58 00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,759 Her blind date? Total bust. 59 00:04:18,843 --> 00:04:21,095 She's been sending me text messages all night. 60 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:24,849 She just let him go upstairs to use the bathroom a second ago. 61 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,851 Excuse me a minute. 62 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:33,065 Buddy, you are killing me. I'm kind of in the middle of something here. 63 00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:34,233 Middle of what? 64 00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:39,447 This is my move. It's called the naked man. 65 00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:42,116 The naked man? Goes like this. 66 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,952 You're on a first date, you've had a few drinks. 67 00:04:45,578 --> 00:04:47,848 Mitch: You make an excuse to go up to the girl's apartment. 68 00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:49,592 So the bathroom's right there. Okay, thanks. 69 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,227 You know what, I'm gonna grab this. 70 00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:54,462 Okay. Hello? 71 00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:59,633 Then, once she leaves the room, you strip down naked and wait. 72 00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:03,262 When she comes back, she laughs. 73 00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,806 She's so charmed by your confidence and bravado, 74 00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:08,100 she sleeps with you. Boom! 75 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:13,689 There is no way that works! Two out of three times. 76 00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,441 Two out of three times? 77 00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:19,028 Two out of three times. You just have to pick your spot. 78 00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:21,822 The naked man is best used as a last resort, 79 00:05:21,906 --> 00:05:23,991 kind of a hail Mary on a first date 80 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,052 when you know there's not going to be a second one. 81 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,762 How do you know there's not gonna be a second date? 82 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:30,664 Ted, look at me. I'd rather not, Mitch. 83 00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:35,753 Robin is way out of my league. I'm not smart, funny or handsome. 84 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,731 And as you can plainly see, there's nothing impressive 85 00:05:37,755 --> 00:05:40,090 going on anywhere around here. 86 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:44,011 My only shot with a girl like Robin is the element of surprise. 87 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:48,599 And, let's be honest, a little pity. It's shock and... 88 00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:56,106 This doesn't really work. Two out of three times. Guaranteed. 89 00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:59,568 No way. Two out of three times. 90 00:05:59,652 --> 00:06:02,363 He guaranteed it. Oh, come on. 91 00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:04,448 There is no way that's gonna work on Robin. 92 00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:05,692 She's going to walk in there, 93 00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:07,661 take one look at that idiot and send him packing. 94 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,620 Yeah, she might kick his ass first. 95 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,539 Yeah, she might get her gun and shoot him. 96 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,170 Barney: Go, go! 97 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:23,092 My god! It worked. 98 00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:25,469 Mr. Wang's is back in business? 99 00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:33,352 The naked man works! 100 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,564 This is gonna revolutionize the one-night stand. 101 00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:41,443 This is like the forward pass in football. The slam dunk in basketball. 102 00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:44,005 The haircutting technique where they hold it between their fingers 103 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:46,657 and cut right above it. It's a total game-changer! 104 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:50,411 Barney, this guy slept with Robin, who you claim to be in love with. 105 00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:52,788 How can you be excited about this? 106 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:57,793 Lily, the naked man is bigger than me and Robin. 107 00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:01,255 All these years, I have been busting my hump, 108 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:05,634 with my secret identities and my tricks and my gadgets. 109 00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:10,264 I mean, I'm like Batman. But this Mitch fellow, he's Superman. 110 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,558 He just rips off his clothes and he's good to go. 111 00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:15,811 What kind of gadgets are we talking about? 112 00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,290 So this is what it's gonna be like, us living together? 113 00:07:18,314 --> 00:07:22,234 I come home, and guys you're dating are just gonna be sitting on the couch, naked? 114 00:07:22,318 --> 00:07:23,652 I wish I could say no. 115 00:07:23,736 --> 00:07:27,948 I still cannot believe the naked man worked on you. 116 00:07:28,032 --> 00:07:31,869 What can I say? Okay, I went in there, and he was naked. 117 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:35,831 It was funny. Ilaughed, helaughed. 118 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:39,168 And then it just kind of happened. I don't know. 119 00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:42,713 I call slut! 120 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,256 Whoa! Whoa! 121 00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:45,633 Excuse me? 122 00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,611 I'm sorry, Robin, but you hooking up with this guy 123 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:51,597 makes it seem like the only thing standing between you and sex is clothes. 124 00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:55,517 I didn't just sleep with Mitch because he was naked. 125 00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:58,103 Then why did you sleep with him? Because he... 126 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:05,486 He... because I care about Mitch. A lot. 127 00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:10,324 There was a connection of specialness. 128 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,826 Of specialness and feelings. 129 00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:16,789 It was because he was naked. And I'm sorry, but I don't approve. 130 00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:21,335 There is only one reason to sleep with somebody, and that is love. 131 00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:26,632 Yeah, Marshall's a big girl because he believes in true love 132 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,109 and just finished reading the notebook 133 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,570 because the secretaries bullied him intojoining Oprah's book club. 134 00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,680 Fine! But you know I'm right. 135 00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:36,392 Marshall, I love you, but there's lots of reasons to have sex. 136 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,143 Name one. I can name 50. 137 00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:41,939 No, you can't. Number 1, last Thursday. 138 00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:51,073 Hey, Marshall, want to do it? I'm up. 139 00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:56,704 You befouled our marital bed because you couldn't get to sleep? 140 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:57,913 You're the one who said, 141 00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:02,668 "that shadow on the ceiling looks like a scary, toothless clown. Good night, Lily." 142 00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:07,506 Fine! That's one. But I defy you to name... I'm going to name 50. 143 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:11,176 There's make-up sex, break-up sex, 144 00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:14,388 and your-friend-just-told-you -about-a-new-position sex. 145 00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,473 You're welcome. 146 00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:20,978 There's also revenge, rebound, paratrooping. 147 00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:24,249 You know, when you go out of town, but instead of getting a hotel room, 148 00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:26,960 you go straight to a bar with the sole intention of hooking up with a girl 149 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,104 so you have a place to stay? 150 00:09:28,152 --> 00:09:30,988 Oh, you mean banging-for-roof. Slut! 151 00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,907 I don't do it. My college roommate did it. 152 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:36,243 Oh. No, no, Robin, I just have a bad cough. 153 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,328 I don't really have a bad cough. 154 00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:41,832 We all know college roommate means you, slut! 155 00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:45,669 Does anyone have a lozenge? 156 00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:49,214 I've got one. Nothing-good-on -television sex. 157 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,299 Hmm. 158 00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:54,636 Hotel-room sex. Curiosity, as in, 159 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,223 I've always wondered what it's like to have sex with a really tall girl. 160 00:09:58,307 --> 00:10:01,685 Not a big girl, just a tall girl. 161 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,939 Like, if a normal girl 162 00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:09,818 were seven, seven-and-a-half-feet tall 163 00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:14,448 and wore a denim miniskirt. 164 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:18,035 I would have to know what that is like. Okay. 165 00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:23,248 He-said-he-loved-you-but -you're-not-ready -to-say-it-back-yet sex. 166 00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:24,833 Forty-three. 167 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,754 Wingman diving on the friend grenade. Forty-four. 168 00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:32,049 The condoms are about to expire. Forty-five. 169 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:40,140 Wow! This is getting a little hard. Forty-six! 170 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,269 Okay, four more to go. 171 00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:48,607 You dropped a cheeto on his lap, and when you reached for it, 172 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:52,569 he thought you were making a move, so you just went with it. 173 00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:56,073 Well, thank you for ruining the memory of our six-month anniversary. 174 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,908 You got me cheetos. 175 00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:01,119 Look, can we just stop with this stupid list, okay? 176 00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:04,498 You guys are making me sad. No, I'm having fun. 177 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:07,793 Man, this whole one-partner thing sucks sometimes. 178 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:11,171 I'm always talking about you. I can't play "I never," 179 00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:15,092 because then everyone would know all the weird stuff I let you do to me. 180 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:18,554 The only weird thing I ever did to you was open up my heart and soul, 181 00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:21,390 when all I had to do was strip naked while you were out of the room. 182 00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:24,685 I didn't sleep with Mitch because he was naked. 183 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,603 Mitch and I have something special. 184 00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,981 I mean, fingers crossed, guys. He may be the one. 185 00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:33,694 The one? Mitch? The naked man? You mean the naked genius. 186 00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:38,866 All these years I've been suiting up when I should have been suiting down. That's it. 187 00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:41,368 I am doing the naked man tonight. 188 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,036 Ted, so are you. What? 189 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,015 With the elevator girl. You're going out with her tonight, right? Naked man! 190 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,791 No. Barney, come on, this is the first girl 191 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,635 I've had the courage to ask out since Stella. 192 00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:50,836 Naked man! 193 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,213 No, Barney, this is the eighth outfit I tried on tonight. 194 00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:56,300 I got my hair out three times, I'm a nervous wreck. 195 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,594 Are you wearing makeup? 196 00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:03,307 It's not makeup, okay? It's a sunscreen with a subtle tint of... 197 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:08,854 It's made for men. Sue me, I want my eyes to pop. 198 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:14,401 Naked man! No, Barney, I like Vicky. 199 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:15,764 This could actually go somewhere. 200 00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:18,238 I don't want to do anything stupid to jeopardize it. 201 00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:22,409 Well, I really like that girl, 202 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:25,412 but... oh! I didn't see her from the back. 203 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:28,749 I really like that girl. 204 00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:33,295 And I'm willing to jeopardize our future together for one night of glory. 205 00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:35,923 Naked man! 206 00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:40,093 Older Ted: So, that night we all set out to prove something. 207 00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:42,137 Robin wanted to defend her honor. 208 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,556 Mitch, hey, baby, it's me. 209 00:12:46,058 --> 00:12:49,186 Robin. Do you want to grab some dinner tonight? 210 00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:53,732 Because you're basically my boyfriend! 211 00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:56,944 Lily needed to prove that she could finish her list. 212 00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:59,863 I'm stuck. I can't think of the last two. 213 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,742 Reason number 48, 214 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:07,579 "to reinforce good behaviors such as shaving and dental hygiene." 215 00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:09,456 Oh, now you're conditioning me? Great! 216 00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:13,126 That explains why I always get an erection when I floss. 217 00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:16,755 Older Ted: I had to prove that as scary as it was to be dating again, 218 00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,466 I was over Stella and ready to get back out there. 219 00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,844 And Barney needed to prove that he, too, could pull off the naked man. 220 00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:25,073 Hey, thank you for letting me look at your aquarium. 221 00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:27,557 You're a real lifesaver. Sure, no problem. 222 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:31,061 I just need to use the bathroom then I'll be on my way. 223 00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:40,946 Ted, I'm doing it. I'm doing the naked man! 224 00:13:41,405 --> 00:13:42,489 Me, too! 225 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,330 I'm doing it! I'm doing the naked man! 226 00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:52,958 That's great! What made you change your mind? 227 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:56,878 Well, the date with Vicky started off okay, but it didn't go as well as I hoped. 228 00:13:57,462 --> 00:14:00,674 Oh, my god, Ted, you are so funny. 229 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,760 And can I just say, you have amazing eyes. 230 00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:05,846 What, these old things? 231 00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:09,349 Nice job, hotshot. I'm sorry... 232 00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:13,103 Save it! Go tell the manager he owes us an appetizer. 233 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:17,733 One of the ones with shrimp! You're welcome. You were saying? 234 00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:21,028 And then his cane missed the top step, 235 00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:24,364 and he was falling for, I swear, like, two minutes. 236 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:29,119 Oh, god, I love old people. 237 00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:33,790 Once I realized there was no possible future in this relationship, 238 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,084 I just decided to go for it. Awesome. 239 00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:40,797 Okay, big question, what pose will you display your naked man in? 240 00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:42,299 Huh. 241 00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:44,694 That is a big question. I hadn't really thought about it. 242 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:46,970 I was thinking the Superman. 243 00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:51,767 What about the captain Morgan? 244 00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:56,646 How about the "oops, I didn't see you there"? 245 00:14:58,565 --> 00:14:59,983 The thinker. 246 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,986 What about the heisman? 247 00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:05,489 Mr. Clean. 248 00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,576 The Burt Reynolds. 249 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:19,503 It's so great to see you again. 250 00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:25,133 I really had a great time last night. 251 00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,933 So, what is it like managing a cpk? 252 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,994 I mean, whose idea was it to put a pineapple in the... 253 00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:38,021 Okay, stop right there. I know what this is. 254 00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:41,441 I've been on this date before. This is the "I'm not a slut" date. 255 00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:44,152 What? That's crazy. 256 00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:47,030 Usually you read me so well, but this time you're wrong. 257 00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,365 Come on, Robin. 258 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:52,327 One of us had a good time last night, and we both know it was me. 259 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:56,623 Mitchell something, that is just not true. 260 00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:59,584 Really? How was the sex? I didn't hate it. 261 00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:03,380 Robin, you've seen my move. That's it. 262 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:08,552 I have nothing else to offer you. I'm broke, I sweat when I eat, 263 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,905 and I'm in, like, five different fantasy football leagues. 264 00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:14,141 It's all I talk about. Trust me, you don't want to be around that. 265 00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:16,935 What? Yes, I do. 266 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,479 Look, I didn't just sleep with you because you were naked. 267 00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:21,148 Yeah, you did. 268 00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:23,209 And now you're trying to pretend it was something more 269 00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:25,318 to make yourself feel better. 270 00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:28,905 Say what you will, at least the naked man is honest. 271 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:33,076 What about the old coppertone baby? 272 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:39,332 The olympic gymnast who stuck the landing. 273 00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:44,588 Yeah, I got to go. Naked man! 274 00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,843 You have a really nice place! 275 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:52,679 Vicky: Oh, thanks! Coming from you, that's a real compliment. 276 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:55,265 I just love that you're an architect. It's so fascinating. 277 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:59,144 I could listen to you talk about structural design all night. 278 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,789 Older Ted: And then I noticed, lying on her end table, 279 00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:04,357 a book of love poems by Pablo neruda. 280 00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,818 The same edition I'd had since college. 281 00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,904 And it was bookmarked to my favorite poem. 282 00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:15,785 Maybe I was all wrong about this girl. Maybe there was a future for us. 283 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,413 Crap! 284 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,630 Here we go. 285 00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:28,965 Pablo neruda. 286 00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:32,719 Oh. Yeah, that book's a turd. 287 00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:35,722 Some douchey guy I hooked up with left it here. It's all in Mexican. 288 00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:40,560 You know who writes good poems? Jewel. 289 00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:43,605 Her teeth are crooked and she lived in a car. 290 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,149 So, she has stuff to write about... 291 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,234 Ta-da! 292 00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,039 Okay. 293 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,209 The naked man works. 294 00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:06,503 I just had decent sex with an awful human being. 295 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,506 I am back! Congratulations, buddy. 296 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,884 You're not the only one who rocked the naked man tonight. 297 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,513 You just want to do it to change the subject. 298 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,933 Yeah. Hey, that's number 49. 299 00:18:20,809 --> 00:18:24,938 Did it work? It's like I just flossed. 300 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:28,733 I love you. That's 50. 301 00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:30,068 Oh, yeah. 302 00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:34,281 Nice! What pose did you go with? I went with "I've got boobs." 303 00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,366 And she nailed it. 304 00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:40,495 Oh, my god! Guys, guys, guys! This is him. 305 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:44,082 This is the naked man. Ted, his name is Mitch. 306 00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:48,628 And he's my boyfriend. So... it's okay, Robin. I no longer call slut. 307 00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,173 Okay. You can go. Vvetedone. Thanks. 308 00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:55,093 No, Mitch, Mitch, I have to thank you. 309 00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,387 We all tried the naked man tonight. Oh. 310 00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:00,390 Oh! We should see how Barney did. 311 00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:06,021 Hello? Hi, is Barney there? 312 00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:10,150 Oh, my god! What's the matter with you? 313 00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,943 Get out! I just have to grab my suit. 314 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,612 It's very expensive. The tie alone... get out of here right now! 315 00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:18,533 Get out, you sick son of a bitch! All right. Okay. Call me. 316 00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:22,746 And if I see him again, I'm calling the cops. 317 00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,501 Two out of three times. 318 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:33,673 Mitch, I want you to know, this night, crazy as it was, 319 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:37,177 it got me out of my shell. That's the beauty of the naked man. 320 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:41,348 It gives you exactly what you need. No more, no less. 321 00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:47,562 Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to replace one of my fantasy football quarterbacks. 322 00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,731 He separated his shoulder! 323 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,280 A toast to Mitch. 324 00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:03,036 By the sum of his parts, he is just a man. 325 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,081 But what he does with those parts, he becomes so much more. 326 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:11,378 Ted: He may not fit society's definition of a hero, but he is the hero I needed. 327 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,505 The hero who helped me recover from the disaster 328 00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:16,758 of my failed almost-marriage and get back into the game. 329 00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:22,514 He lives in the shadows. Is he a dream? Truth? Fiction? Damnation? Salvation? 330 00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:27,268 He is all these things, and none of them, for he is the naked man. 331 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,190 Woman: Oh, my god! 332 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,787 Oh, thank god.