1
00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:04,021
Older Ted: Kids,
the day you get married

2
00:00:04,088 --> 00:00:06,382
is supposed to be the
happiest day of your life.

3
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:09,302
The perfect ending to
a perfect love story.

4
00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:12,972
My wedding, at least my first
wedding, didn't go so well.

5
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:17,810
Say that I'm changed

6
00:00:17,894 --> 00:00:19,687
say I'm different

7
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:24,025
maybe I finally understand

8
00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:26,485
say I've let go

9
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,488
it's funny,
looking back on it now.

10
00:00:29,572 --> 00:00:32,366
I was so sure
Stella was the one.

11
00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:35,703
And when she left me,
I was so devastated.

12
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,663
But you guys got me through it.

13
00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:39,832
And now the painful part's over.

14
00:00:39,916 --> 00:00:43,294
I've come out the other
side a little bit stronger.

15
00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:47,006
You know, I hardly even
think about her anymore.

16
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,592
That's what time does, I guess.

17
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,971
Ted, the wedding was yesterday.

18
00:00:55,139 --> 00:00:56,766
It's been 24 hours.

19
00:00:56,849 --> 00:01:00,228
I know. And this
is me moving on.

20
00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:03,814
A great new chapter of my life began
today, and we're gonna celebrate.

21
00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:05,316
Right now, we need two things.

22
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:08,236
We need kool and
we need the gang.

23
00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,571
It's jukebox time, huh?

24
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,244
I look at that young man

25
00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:19,664
popping and locking his
way over to the jukebox

26
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:24,252
and I think to myself, "you know,
maybe Stella made the right call."

27
00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:26,170
Owl pain.

28
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,089
What? How is he
dancing right now?

29
00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:31,842
He should be smashing up
Stella's car with a sledgehammer.

30
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,552
Hypothetical.

31
00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:35,930
Tedisnt pretending to be happy.

32
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,390
Ted really is happy.

33
00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:39,433
He never wanted to get
married in the first place.

34
00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:41,352
Ted just pulled off the greatest

35
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,688
train dodge since stand by me.

36
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:47,108
Well, not the first
kid, but the other kids.

37
00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:50,403
No, he is in bad shape.

38
00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,571
What's up?

39
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,157
Really bad shape.

40
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:57,743
And we need to be there for him.

41
00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:00,973
Older Ted: But as much as my
friends really wanted to be there for me,

42
00:02:00,997 --> 00:02:03,749
I was, by all appearances, fine.

43
00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:06,043
Hey, buddy. Want to hang out?

44
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:08,379
Guys, I'm fine.

45
00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:11,799
Hey, pal, you want
to have a catch?

46
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,384
I'm fine.

47
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,806
Hey, kiddo.

48
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,808
Barney, I'm fine.

49
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:24,186
This is not necessary, and
it's actually kind of weird.

50
00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,730
No offense, ladies.

51
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,357
I did not realize you'd be home.

52
00:02:29,442 --> 00:02:31,110
Ladies, to the stairwell.

53
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:46,601
Older Ted:
Finally, after two weeks,

54
00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:48,419
the inevitable
emotions boiled over.

55
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,129
Hey, you guys want
to get some dinner?

56
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:51,380
Oh, shut up.

57
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:53,716
I'm sorry, sweetie.

58
00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:56,969
It's just, Ted, you've been
through something traumatic,

59
00:02:57,053 --> 00:03:00,473
and we're trying to be there for you
as friends, but you're not letting us,

60
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:04,977
and it's pissing us off,
you selfish bitch. Sorry.

61
00:03:05,061 --> 00:03:07,914
Look, we're just worried that you're
not dealing with this whole Stella thing.

62
00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,899
Okay, now, do you
remember when Lily left me?

63
00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,942
You remember howl
held in my feelings?

64
00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:17,114
I miss her so much.

65
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,910
Yeah, dude, you were a rock.

66
00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:23,954
Well, I should have been even
worse, okay? I should have gotten mad.

67
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:26,718
I should have taken your advice
and set all of Lily's stuff on fire.

68
00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,667
Oh. Nice. Thanks, Ted.

69
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,855
But I didn't, and I think that that's
why it took me so long to get better.

70
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:35,633
So, now, Ted,
I want you to explode.

71
00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:38,677
Release the berserker.
Okay, you ready?

72
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:41,972
Now!

73
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,433
I'm good. Lily: No.

74
00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:47,061
Guys, get off his back.
He's happy.

75
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:49,105
Listen, if Ted were
married right now,

76
00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:52,400
he'd be married, he'd
be living in New Jersey,

77
00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:55,569
and he'd be married.

78
00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:58,572
He's fine. Now, let's eat.
How about flat Michael's?

79
00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,449
No, that's 44th
and Lex. Can't do it.

80
00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:02,243
Why not? It's too
close to Stella's gym.

81
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:04,412
Might run into her.
Anywhere else, though.

82
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:06,080
Okay, how about Hurley's?

83
00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:10,793
Right between Stella's office
and her dry cleaners. No, sir.

84
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,878
Well, what about
meatloaf Charlie's?

85
00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:15,172
Two blocks from Stella's
mother's hairdressers.

86
00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:18,592
Well, jeez, Ted, is there anywhere
in Manhattan we can go to dinner?

87
00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:22,346
Of course. Check this out.

88
00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,307
What you got there, Ted?

89
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:27,435
A little reference
map I made for myself.

90
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:30,646
A New York guide to places
you might run into Stella zinman.

91
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,440
Red areas are places to avoid.

92
00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:35,109
White areas are safe.
Blue is water.

93
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:36,610
That is just ridiculous.

94
00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:38,362
Well, water is blue.

95
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,322
You can't live that way.

96
00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:43,033
She leaves you at the altar
and you're the one avoiding her?

97
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:44,660
Yes, I'm avoiding her.

98
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:46,537
What's the big deal?
That's how we do it.

99
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,247
Who's "we"? Gutless weenies?

100
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:52,585
No, "we" is people from
the great state of Ohio.

101
00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:57,047
When life gives us pain, we buckeyes
take that pain and we push it down.

102
00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:59,025
And if the pain starts
to come up again,

103
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:01,469
we push more pain
down on top of it.

104
00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:03,846
Why confront something
when you can avoid it, right?

105
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,931
All I have to do is
never see Stella again,

106
00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:08,267
andlllee along, happylwe.

107
00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:10,036
Now, who wants to
get something to eat?

108
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,647
Oh. Somebodyjust told me about a
tapas place that's in the white zone.

109
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Great. Let's go there.

110
00:05:16,859 --> 00:05:19,028
You ready to order?
Not quite yet.

111
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:21,339
Can we get some
of those almonds for the table?

112
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,698
Certainly.

113
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:25,743
Nice call, Lily.
This place looks great.

114
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:29,121
Who told you about it?
You know, I don't remember.

115
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:31,499
Uh-oh.

116
00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:32,625
What?

117
00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:34,585
I just remembered.

118
00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:45,679
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

119
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,556
Okay, okay, just be cool.

120
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:52,186
We're just gonna have to deal
with this. Everyone, follow my lead.

121
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:56,899
Oh, you're kidding.
Is he serious?

122
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,360
I am not getting
under this table.

123
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:01,862
I'd maybe get under that table.

124
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,448
She's turning around.

125
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:12,414
Think, think,
think. Everyone, just stay here.

126
00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:15,626
I'm gonna go take a look.
Marshall, go take a look.

127
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:23,926
And will you need utensils?

128
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,220
No, I'm just
going straight home.

129
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,057
She's placing an order to go.

130
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,226
Did she seem happy? Did
she say anything about me?

131
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:35,271
I don't care. I don't even care.
Where are those almonds?

132
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:36,897
Gosh, where would Ted's nuts be?

133
00:06:36,981 --> 00:06:40,234
Hey, why don't you check
the vise in Stella's garage?

134
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,360
Go yell at her.

135
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:44,405
Ted, you may be from Ohio,
but you live in New York now.

136
00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:46,740
We don't push down
our feelings in New York.

137
00:06:46,824 --> 00:06:49,827
We take our feelings and we
shove them in somebody else's face!

138
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,245
Spare me, Lily.

139
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,431
You'd be doing the same thing
if you were in this situation.

140
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:54,498
That's outrageous.

141
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:58,002
There is not a person on earth
I would hide under a table from.

142
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,671
Really, not a single person?

143
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,132
Not even gasser?

144
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:06,093
How dare you mention
that name to me.

145
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,511
Who's gasser?

146
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:11,056
He's the last person I'd want
to see walk through that door.

147
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:14,310
Michael sasser. He's a guy
I went to high school with.

148
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,605
Lily: Michael sat next
to me in freshman biology.

149
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,399
He had been a bit of a loser
all through middle school.

150
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,109
But the summer
before ninth grade,

151
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:24,945
he grew 12 inches and
joined the baseball team.

152
00:07:25,029 --> 00:07:28,449
He was right on the precipice
of becoming one of the cool kids.

153
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:29,825
Until one day...

154
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,872
Lily, we've all been there.

155
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,749
When you've ripped
one, it's not pretty.

156
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,125
What did you do?

157
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:43,213
Are you kidding? This was
ninth grade. I only had one choice.

158
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,884
Oh, my god, sasser. Fart much?

159
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,304
No, it wasn't me. It was her.

160
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:53,891
Ohl as if, sasser.
More like gasser.

161
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:57,144
Gasser! Gasser! Gasser!
Gasser! Gasser! Gasser!

162
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,479
Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! Gasser!

163
00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:01,649
I'm on the baseball team.
I'm cool.

164
00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:02,900
Gasser! Gasser!

165
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,444
The nickname gasser stuck.

166
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:08,489
He got teased so much,
eventually he had to change schools.

167
00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:10,532
Kids are awesome.

168
00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:12,785
I've always felt
awful about that.

169
00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:17,247
But if gasser...
Michael walked in right now,

170
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:20,834
as hard as it would be, I
would go up to gasser... Michael

171
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,670
and I would
resolve things between us.

172
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,963
Right, clear the air,
as it were.

173
00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:26,465
Oh, man.

174
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:30,219
Those don't come around
often. Y'all are welcome.

175
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:34,223
Hey, are you guys okay?
Oh. Yeah.

176
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,909
We're just gonna be eating
down here if that's okay.

177
00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:37,601
What? Well, here's your almonds.

178
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,728
Oh. Thanks. You guys
have any specials tonight?

179
00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:41,855
Ted, this is ludicrous.

180
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,941
Ted, I am a person who...

181
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,192
Well, let's just face it.

182
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,528
There are a lot of
people I don't want to see,

183
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,239
people of the
chicks-i-banged persuasion.

184
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,866
But if any of them were to
walk in here, I would stand up

185
00:08:52,950 --> 00:08:55,160
and I would look
them right in the eye.

186
00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:57,371
Some of them for
the very first time.

187
00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,873
Really, you wouldn't
hide from anyone?

188
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:00,958
Uh-uh.

189
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:04,211
Not even, say, Becca delucci?

190
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,213
You son of a bitch.

191
00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:07,840
Who's Becca delucci?

192
00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:09,383
Do you mind?

193
00:09:13,137 --> 00:09:14,555
So, who is Becca delucci?

194
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,682
Becca is just this
girl who lives upstate.

195
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,085
I used to visit
her now and again.

196
00:09:18,142 --> 00:09:21,103
Mmm-hmm. Where
exactly upstate, Barney?

197
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,314
Bedford hills
federal penitentiary.

198
00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:28,569
Barne y: And yes, the
visits were of a conjugal nature.

199
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,613
No. No way, really?

200
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:32,948
Really.

201
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:36,368
And what I had with Becca
was a perfect relationship.

202
00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:40,122
She was only allowed, by
law, to call me once a week.

203
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:43,584
If she ever got clingy,
the armed guards stopped her.

204
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,252
And I never had
to pay for dinner.

205
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,588
Well, that's not true.
I pay taxes.

206
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,108
Then again, I guess we all paid
for dinner. Thanks a lot, guys.

207
00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:53,969
Anyway, the last time I visited,
I kind of screwed things up.

208
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:59,099
I know it's hard, baby,
but I'm in a prison, too.

209
00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:01,185
A prison of my own heart.

210
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:05,397
Is that room ready yet or
what? Can we... tick-tock.

211
00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:09,193
Barney, you're the only thing
that's keeping me going here.

212
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,694
That's what I'm here for, baby.

213
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,446
I'm your rock.

214
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:15,032
I'm... oh, my god.
Hello, strange.

215
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:22,372
Hi, Barney Stinson,
attorney at law.

216
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,791
Let's talk about
getting you off.

217
00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,292
Becca: Oh, hell, no!

218
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:28,462
Whoa!

219
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:32,466
Ooh.

220
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:40,015
Now I get letters from
Becca and she's all,

221
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,476
"I'm coming to get you
the day I get out of here.

222
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,813
"I'm gonna hang your eyes
from my rearview mirror."

223
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:47,606
Women, huh?

224
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:52,110
See? You're scared of
Becca. Lily's scared of gasser.

225
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,404
We're staying under the table.

226
00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:58,867
We don't have to. Stella's gone.

227
00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:00,661
Oh, my gosh.

228
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:08,001
There, all done,
and that's how we do it Ohio-style.

229
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,312
Problem showed
up. We avoided it.

230
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:10,462
It went away.

231
00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:12,089
Now we can enjoy
our meal in peace...

232
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,173
She's back.

233
00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:21,181
Ted, we all think
that you need...

234
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:22,599
Wait, where's Barney?

235
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:31,233
Ted, we all think that
you need to go talk to her.

236
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,359
I don't. What?

237
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,504
Yeah, if the last person I wanted
to see walked through the door,

238
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:35,863
I wouldn't say a damn word.

239
00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:37,531
Really? And who's that?

240
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:38,991
My father.

241
00:11:39,575 --> 00:11:42,536
You guys, that other
table is off the hook.

242
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,454
What are we talking about?
Robin's dad.

243
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,338
I haven't spoken to him in three
years and I don't intend to start now.

244
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,836
Robin: It goes back
to the day! Was born.

245
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,130
You give me my son now. Push.

246
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:56,133
Oh, no.

247
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,052
Oh, no.

248
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,931
He wanted a son and the fact that
I was a girl didn't change his plan.

249
00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:04,808
What do you mean?

250
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:08,312
My full legal name is
Robin Charles scherbatsky, Jr.

251
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,440
And it only gets
worse from there.

252
00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:15,152
Robin: When I was eight, he
took me hunting for the first time.

253
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,945
I don't want to shoot a deer.

254
00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:18,405
Nonsense, r.J.

255
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,741
Shooting deer is the
noblest of pursuits.

256
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,743
But they're cute.

257
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,912
You said the same
thing about our rabbits.

258
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:27,331
Remember how
delicious they were?

259
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,083
Over the years,
as my body developed...

260
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:31,835
Hold on a sec.

261
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,379
Sorry, go on.

262
00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:38,300
It became harder and harder
for him to pretend I was a boy.

263
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:41,053
Robin: The lowest moment
came when I turned 14.

264
00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:43,805
My peewee hockey team had
just won the squamish invitational

265
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,891
and everyone came back
to my house to celebrate.

266
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:49,686
You lads availed yourself
splendidly out there on the ice.

267
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:52,564
Splendidly. You go on outside.

268
00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:57,027
I'll come back with an assortment
of soft drinks and American pretzels.

269
00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:02,759
Hey, lcant believe you missed
that last empty-netter, you hoser.

270
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:05,827
You're the hoser.
No, you're the hoser.

271
00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:14,836
What are you doing?

272
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:18,382
You're teammates,
hockey players.

273
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:24,137
Teammates don't kiss!
Hockey players don't kiss!

274
00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:27,724
Oh, my god.

275
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:30,394
I have no son.

276
00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:36,233
You poor thing.

277
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:40,821
To have to grow up in
Canada with america right there.

278
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:43,323
That sucks
about your dad, Robin,

279
00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:46,076
but
congratulations on that game.

280
00:13:47,536 --> 00:13:49,830
And Kyle and iweren't
even doing anything serious.

281
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,289
We only went to the blue line.

282
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:52,457
The blue line?

283
00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:54,126
Yeah, you know how
when you're a kid,

284
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,603
you put everything
into hockey terms?

285
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,838
The blue line is kissing,
the red line is getting naked,

286
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:01,174
and I think "in the
crease" speaks for itself.

287
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,135
Anyway, after
that, my relationship

288
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,928
with my dad pretty
much went north.

289
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:07,264
I moved in with my
mom, grew my hair out,

290
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,934
became a Canadian pop star.
You know, normal teen stuff.

291
00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:14,187
Don't you think it would feel
better to talk to him about all this?

292
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:19,317
No, that's the point. It wouldn't solve
anything. It's in the past. It's done.

293
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,486
I mean, what would
I even say to him?

294
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,530
"I wish you hadn't
raised me as a boy?

295
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,991
"I wish you hadn't
taught me how to hunt

296
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,410
"and fish and smoke
cigars and drink scotch

297
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,328
"because that's
not what girls do.

298
00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:32,265
"And you know, the reason
I throw like a girl, dad,

299
00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,291
"is because I am a girl."

300
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,338
You've held on to that
for a long time, huh?

301
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:41,506
Yeah.

302
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,176
It really messed you up.

303
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,053
Yeah.

304
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:47,179
That sucks. I'm sorry.

305
00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:48,638
That's hot.

306
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,933
Older Ted:
And then I realized...

307
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,480
All of my friends were haunted,

308
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:59,983
but there was a difference
between my ghost and theirs.

309
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,110
It wasn't too late for me.

310
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:04,196
I'm gonna go talk to her.

311
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:05,279
All right, bud.

312
00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:12,913
She's gone. I'm going after her.

313
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,206
Go, go.

314
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,419
There she goes! Taxi!

315
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,195
Okay, I see her. She's
two cabs ahead on the right.

316
00:15:27,219 --> 00:15:28,470
Just stay with her, okay?

317
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,765
Finally. Finally, you're doing
this. You're gonna confront her.

318
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,934
Yes, lanigonnaconfionthef yeah.

319
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,435
This is so exciting. Totally.

320
00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:36,603
What are you going to say?

321
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:41,066
I'm gonna say, "Stella, I'm
sorry things didn't work out."

322
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,276
Yes. No!

323
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,040
We're going to talk
about this like adults.

324
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:48,865
She can tell me her side
and I'm going to listen.

325
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,968
Probably should have done
a little more of that before.

326
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,720
Driver, can you run us
into the nearest lamppost?

327
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,371
Everyone, buckle up.
Notyou, Ted.

328
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,457
Ted, Ted, you gotta
get mad right now.

329
00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,459
Come on. Dig deep.

330
00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:01,628
Dude, come on. This isn't
about me waving my arms,

331
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,338
stamping my feet,
and getting really mad.

332
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:07,467
This is about Stella and I finally
communicating. I mean, clearly, that was...

333
00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:10,554
Stella hated star wars.
She lied to you.

334
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:13,431
Search your feelings,
Ted. You know it to be true.

335
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:15,767
Well, that's her business.

336
00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:18,895
Come on, Ted. She
left you at the altar.

337
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,105
I don't understand!

338
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:21,857
Ted, in the name of
all that is sacred...

339
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,400
Wait, wait, wait!

340
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,026
Where is she going?
Her cab just missed

341
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,337
the turn for the Lincoln tunnel.

342
00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:27,988
Why would anybody
buy takeout food

343
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,157
and bring it all the way
back to New Jersey anyway?

344
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,783
Maybe she's going to her office.

345
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,745
The waiter asked her,
"and will you need utensils?"

346
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,989
And then she said, "no, I'm
just going straight home."

347
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,459
But if she's going home,
why are we still heading...

348
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:42,919
Oh, my god.

349
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:48,758
Tony lives downtown.
Home is Tony's apartment.

350
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,428
She was gonna make
me move to New Jersey,

351
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:54,514
and then she moves
into the city with Tony?

352
00:16:55,557 --> 00:16:59,144
Son of a bitch!
Finally. Finally, buddy.

353
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:02,105
I am so angry right now!
I know, and I love it!

354
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,984
Yeah, that is awesome!

355
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:09,571
Sir, we'd be happy to cover
the cost of that window crank.

356
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,365
I love angry Ted! So do I!

357
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,952
Let it out, baby. Let it out.

358
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,370
She's stopping.

359
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:19,372
It is on. It is on!

360
00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:21,791
Yes, Ted. Go get her, buddy!

361
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,084
Go get rid of your demons!

362
00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:24,252
My leg is asleep!

363
00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:25,605
Okay, wait, wait,
wait. Wait, hold on.

364
00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:26,755
Lily, what are you doing?

365
00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,174
No, no, no.
This is all right, hold on.

366
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:32,636
Look, Ted, it's great that
you're angry right now...

367
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,763
It sure is. Yes.

368
00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:36,556
And that you're
finally dealing with this,

369
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,184
but you only get one shot here.

370
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:43,897
Let's just take a beat and think
about what you're gonna say.

371
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:46,191
I know exactly
what I'm gonna say.

372
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,817
Yeah.

373
00:17:56,660 --> 00:17:58,662
You picked the wrong guy.

374
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,664
Ted.

375
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,583
You picked the wrong guy.

376
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:10,340
You made a really,
really, really bad choice.

377
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,344
What were you thinking? Thatguy?

378
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,805
Are you kidding me?

379
00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:20,058
Have you learned nothing
in the last eight years?

380
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,269
You're just gonna regret
this. You know that, right?

381
00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:23,979
You are going to regret this,

382
00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:25,782
and now there is nothing
you can do about it

383
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,732
because it's too late.

384
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:34,030
All you can do now is go up there
and start your crappy, disappointing life

385
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:38,660
that will never be nearly as happy as
the one you could have had with me.

386
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,246
Goodbye.

387
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:42,706
Ted, wait. Look, Stella,

388
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,542
I am not here to win you back.

389
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,920
I am here because I
need to know that you know

390
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,257
you made the biggest
mistake of your life.

391
00:18:53,008 --> 00:18:54,259
I know.

392
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:58,888
Good.

393
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:03,476
That's what I'm gonna say.

394
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:06,479
Cold-blooded. Yeah, that's good.

395
00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:07,981
Go say that.

396
00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:12,110
Stella: Thanks.

397
00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:13,671
Older Ted:
So I got out of the cab,

398
00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:17,699
ready to say all of that stuff,
ready to explode, but then...

399
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,118
Mommy! Stella: Hey.

400
00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:23,211
Stella: Hi, sweetie.
Tony: Me first. Me first.

401
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,041
Older Ted:
It all just went away.

402
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:34,090
And that was it. In that
moment, I wasn't angry anymore.

403
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:37,927
I could see Stella was
meant to be with Tony.

404
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:41,723
Kids, you may think your only
choices are to swallow your anger

405
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,933
or throw it in someone's face.

406
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:47,645
But there's a third option,
you can just let it go.

407
00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,564
And only when you
do that is it really gone,

408
00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,524
and you can move forward.

409
00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:55,904
And that, kids, was the perfect
ending to a perfect love story.

410
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,239
It just wasn't mine.

411
00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,658
Mine was still out
there waiting for me.