1 00:00:02,837 --> 00:00:05,423 Barney is crazy if he thinks this is gonna work. 2 00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,550 I think it's gonna work. I hope it doesn't work. 3 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,635 Here he comes. 4 00:00:13,139 --> 00:00:15,433 You there, what's your name? Excuse me? 5 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,852 Your name, woman, what's your name? 6 00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:20,146 Cindy. I knew it. 7 00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,522 You're the Cindy, 8 00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:26,652 the one who can change everything, or spell our inevitable doom. 9 00:00:26,736 --> 00:00:28,529 Now listen to me, Cindy. 10 00:00:28,613 --> 00:00:33,242 I am Barney Stinson, and I am on an urgent mission from the future. 11 00:00:33,326 --> 00:00:34,410 The future? 12 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,370 The future, and I can prove it to you. 13 00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:37,788 In exactly four seconds, 14 00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:40,374 the woman at that booth is going to slap that man. 15 00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:45,379 Ow! What the hell? 16 00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,298 Wow! In a few minutes, 17 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:52,511 the young me from your time is going to come through that door. 18 00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:55,723 Now, Cindy, I know this sounds insane, 19 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,517 but in order to save the planet, 20 00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:01,896 you need to sleep with him tonight. 21 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,022 What? I... 22 00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:07,652 Sleep with Barney Stinson tonight, in whatever way he wants it, 23 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:11,155 or he won't be able to find the solution to global warming 24 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:13,115 that saves the human race. 25 00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:16,077 What are you talking about? I have no time to explain. 26 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:20,581 I have to get back to the reality accelerator before the vortex closes. 27 00:01:21,374 --> 00:01:25,419 Only you can save us, Cindy. I must away! 28 00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:29,924 Okay, guys, the movers are coming in 14 hours. 29 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,860 We've got to get back upstairs and finish packing. 30 00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:35,346 You guys still aren't finished packing? How is this taking so long? 31 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,891 Hey, all the great memories of our 20s took place in that apartment. 32 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,601 It's not like throwing stuff in a box. 33 00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:41,936 You start to reminisce. 34 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,396 Not me. The key? 35 00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:44,772 Throw stuff out, never look back. 36 00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:45,940 I'm moving to Japan. 37 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,167 It took me a half hour to pack. 38 00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:48,276 A half hour? 39 00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:49,586 Well, it would have taken me 20 minutes, 40 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,362 but a friend called me in tears. 41 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,114 Moving is really emotional, okay? 42 00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:56,617 It is. I mean, everything is changing. 43 00:01:56,701 --> 00:01:58,345 I'm gonna be living in New Jersey with Stella, 44 00:01:58,369 --> 00:01:59,721 you guys will be in your new place. 45 00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:02,206 You're starting a new job in Tokyo. Hmm. 46 00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:04,333 I mean, it's the end of an era. 47 00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:07,044 I think we should have a toast, but not our usual crap. 48 00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:10,381 Hey, Wendy, your most expensive bottle of scotch. 49 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:14,468 That's 50-year-old Glen McKenna, and it's $2,500. 50 00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:17,138 Excehent a bottle of that with beer chasers, 51 00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:18,973 and what do you think, cancel the scotch? 52 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,641 Yeah. 53 00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:23,811 Vodka rocks. 54 00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:24,979 It's not gonna work. 55 00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,607 Oh, my god! You're... oh, my god! 56 00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:31,068 Can I buy you a drink? 57 00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:36,282 Oh. Yeah, I suppose I have time for one drink 58 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,868 and 45 minutes to an hour of some other activity, 59 00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:40,271 but after that, I have to get back 60 00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:43,456 to a top-secret research project I'm working on. 61 00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,666 Global warming? 62 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,919 My god! How did you know that? 63 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:04,935 Hey, look at this. 64 00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:07,605 A photo from the first day we moved into this place. 65 00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:11,108 So many great memories. 66 00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:15,154 See? That is exactly the type of crap you should be trashing. 67 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,198 So you don't keep any photos? 68 00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:20,826 No, they're like love letters or yearbooks or someone's ashes. 69 00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:22,495 They just take up space. 70 00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:25,081 Besides, Stella's not gonna let you keep half of this junk. 71 00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:26,415 Why wouldn't she? 72 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,710 Oh, Ted, oh, sweetie. 73 00:03:29,794 --> 00:03:33,923 Okay, here's the thing that guys only learn after they move in with a woman. 74 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,716 All of your stuff is stupid. 75 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,009 Like what? 76 00:03:37,093 --> 00:03:40,679 Um... like anything you bought at a renaissance fair. 77 00:03:40,763 --> 00:03:45,142 Hey, there's not enough mead in the world to make me get rid of my flail. 78 00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:48,979 Oh, hey, Ted, since we're clearly not getting our security deposit back, 79 00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,232 I thought maybe you could reimburse me for my half. 80 00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,901 Wait a second. Why should I have to pay more than you? 81 00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,361 Because you treated this apartment 82 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:58,114 the way John bonham treated his central nervous system. 83 00:03:58,197 --> 00:03:59,698 That's not true. 84 00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:01,283 Exhibit a. 85 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,413 Hey. Hey. 86 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,496 What's that? 87 00:04:06,539 --> 00:04:09,417 A 1986 world book encyclopaedia. 88 00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,252 It's exactly the one I grew up with. 89 00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:12,920 Encyclo-pay-dia? 90 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:16,507 Oh. You think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. 91 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,008 It's a common mistake. 92 00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:19,932 But if you look up that squished together "a-e" 93 00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:22,096 symbol in this here encyclopaedia, 94 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:26,350 you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the anglo-Saxon rune ash... 95 00:04:32,857 --> 00:04:35,192 You know, you're gonna have to pay-dia for that. 96 00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:40,322 But you never did. And then, there's exhibit b. 97 00:04:44,577 --> 00:04:48,831 Good morrow, fair gentles. Look what I won at the renaissance faire. 98 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,796 And you're also responsible for any damage Robin did 99 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,131 while she was your girlfriend. 100 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,633 Whoa! What damage did I cause? 101 00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:01,653 Do you remember that night when you drank the 12er of molson 102 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,929 and you got all super-Canadian? 103 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,393 Stanley cup, game 6, eh? 104 00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:13,481 The rangers are about to be sorry they ever played shinny with the canucks. 105 00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:15,065 Marshall: Hey. Hey, Robin. Yeah? 106 00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:17,789 I'll give you 20 bucks if you can shoot it through this front door. 107 00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:21,989 You're nuttier than a Tim horton's maple log. 108 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,282 Timmy ho! 109 00:05:24,909 --> 00:05:27,161 That's it, Robin. Give me the stick. 110 00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:29,830 I'll give you summer teeth. 111 00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:32,249 Some are here, some are there. 112 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,835 Robin, give me the stick. 113 00:05:34,919 --> 00:05:37,338 Take off, hoser. Men: Whoa! 114 00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:39,006 Thatsifl hey, hey! 115 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,067 Get her, boys, get her! You want to scrap? I'll scrap! 116 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,176 Guys, come on! 117 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,344 Go america! 118 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:46,764 All right. All right, break it, break it up! 119 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:51,393 Ted, no! You never break up a girl fight! 120 00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:52,520 Neveh 121 00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:58,609 Entirely Barney's fault. As, by the way, 122 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,111 isthe big scorch Mark over the fireplace. 123 00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:06,075 Older Ted: Kids, to understand the story of the scorch Mark, 124 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,618 I first need to tell you the story 125 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,703 of the intervention for our friend Stuart. 126 00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:10,955 What's going on? 127 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:14,124 Stuart, this is an intervention. 128 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,003 "The alcohol changes you, Stuart. 129 00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:20,381 "It makes you a different person. 130 00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:23,551 "And I'm in love with the man that I married." 131 00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:25,636 Thank you. 132 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,639 This is just the push I need. 133 00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:30,891 I love you guys. 134 00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:36,230 Hey, hey! There's the birthday boy. 135 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:39,984 Time to let the party monster out of its cage, stewie! 136 00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:42,987 Come on, buddy. 137 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,406 People don't want to see Bruce banner, dude. 138 00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:46,907 They want to see the hulk. 139 00:06:46,991 --> 00:06:50,160 Hulk. Hulk. Hulk. What? 140 00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:59,837 That's what I get for skimming the evite. 141 00:07:01,005 --> 00:07:04,466 Older Ted: Later that day, we celebrated our first successful intervention. 142 00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:07,011 I'm really proud of us for helping Stuart. 143 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:10,389 Yeah, what an amazing, honest, human moment. 144 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:12,516 I agree. Yay us. 145 00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:15,769 Marshall, are you really gonna keep wearing that hat? 146 00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,813 Yeah, it's been two weeks, Marshall. 147 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:22,860 Two awesome weeks. And heck, yeah, I'm gonna keep wearing it. 148 00:07:29,742 --> 00:07:30,784 Hey. 149 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,203 Marshall, 150 00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,164 this is an intervention. 151 00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:37,249 It's about the hat. 152 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:42,129 What? No. I have it under control, okay? 153 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,174 I can take it off whenever I want. 154 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,594 "Dear Marshall, 155 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,971 "I do not like that stupid hat. 156 00:07:51,055 --> 00:07:53,849 "I want to beat it with a bat. 157 00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:56,268 "Or maybe stab it with a fork. 158 00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:58,812 "It makes you look like such a dork." 159 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:01,410 Older Ted: After that, interventions became 160 00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,202 a pretty regular thing around our apartment. 161 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,406 Cor blimey. 162 00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:12,201 This is a nice bloody surprise. What's this about, then? 163 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:16,872 Lily, it's about the weird, fake English accent. 164 00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,208 Bollocks. 165 00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:21,877 I think we should... 166 00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,007 Spray tan? 167 00:08:29,802 --> 00:08:32,364 They reel you in with a coupon, and then you just get hooked. 168 00:08:32,388 --> 00:08:34,848 Oh, we know, sweetie, we know. 169 00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:37,101 No, no, no, no, this is a new sweater. 170 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:43,023 What? The magic tricks. 171 00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:45,526 Specifically, those involving fire. 172 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,361 Magic tricks? 173 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:50,406 Guys, interventions are supposed to help people, 174 00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:54,034 not attack every little thing you don't like about them. 175 00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:58,706 I'm sorry, but that really steams me. That really burns me up! 176 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:04,128 I mean, I am filled with a white-hot rage! 177 00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,468 Thank you. 178 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,514 Oh, shoot ismehhmhismehhmh 179 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,725 older Ted: And that's the story of the scorch Mark. 180 00:09:18,434 --> 00:09:19,560 Wait, that's weird. 181 00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:21,061 When I was going through the closet, 182 00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:23,230 I thought I saw the intervention banner. 183 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:28,569 So, the banner burned up. Why is there a new one? 184 00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:32,656 And there are sealed letters here from all of you that say "Ted." 185 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,492 Were you guys planning an intervention for me? 186 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:38,912 Oh, that. That was stupid. Yeah, just forget about that. 187 00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:41,248 What was it for? The crocs? 188 00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:44,376 The hair product? Not Stella. 189 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,838 Oh, my god, this was about Stella. 190 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:53,761 I just said "not Stella." So maybe it was about your poor listening skills, Ted. 191 00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:56,263 What? It's out of control. See? 192 00:09:57,181 --> 00:10:00,142 You guys don't think I should marry Stella. 193 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,314 You guys don't think I should marry Stella. 194 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:08,233 Ted, we do. We're all really happy for you. 195 00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:10,110 Yeah, like I said, it was stupid. 196 00:10:10,194 --> 00:10:11,779 Well, obviously, it wasn't, 197 00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,132 because we agreed not to have any more stupid interventions 198 00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:15,436 at our intervention intervention. 199 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,536 We're having too many interventions. 200 00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:24,374 So, what was your big, serious problem with me and Stella? 201 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,378 Yes! Yes! In everyone's face! 202 00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,464 You all said the future-Barney thing wouldn't work. 203 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,341 You told me I was crazy. 204 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:35,093 My shrink told me I was crazy. 205 00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:39,515 Well, who's the narcissist with severe attachment disorder now, Dr. Grossbard? 206 00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:43,644 Intervention banner? What's that for? 207 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:44,978 Stella. 208 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,983 "Ted, icannot stand idly by..." 209 00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,819 You've just been carrying that around? 210 00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:55,531 Please, Ted? "I cannot stand idly by 211 00:10:55,614 --> 00:11:00,077 "while you make the biggest mistake any man can make. Getting married. 212 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:06,041 "Mark my words, this whole thing is gonna go up in flames!" 213 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:10,128 Oh, damn! I put the flame cue too early. 214 00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:12,297 I had so many more important things to say, and... 215 00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:17,427 The point is, Ted, marriage is stupid. 216 00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:21,223 Every year, there are a million 217 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:26,228 new, hot 22-year-olds walking into bars, and call me "glass-half-full," 218 00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:28,272 but I think they're getting dumber. 219 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,024 Oh, come on, Barney, even you aren't still gonna be 220 00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:33,110 hitting on 22-year-olds when you're 80. 221 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,487 I accept that challenge. 222 00:11:35,571 --> 00:11:36,822 What challenge? 223 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:42,077 To prove to you that I will be exactly this awesome when I'm 80, 224 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:46,790 I will hook up with a 22-year-old while in my old-man makeup. 225 00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,335 I didn't remotely challenge you to that. 226 00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:52,129 I mean, I definitely want to see it. 227 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,464 But I didn't remotely challenge you to that. 228 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,675 I want to hear the other letters. 229 00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:59,636 Ted, this is ridiculous. We changed our minds. 230 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,722 And suppose you change them back? 231 00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:04,141 Lily, come on, let's hear yours. 232 00:12:08,312 --> 00:12:11,690 "Gilbert's reading skills have improved drastically since..." 233 00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:16,320 Wait, this is a letter I meant to send home with one of my kindergarteners. 234 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,571 Uh-oh. 235 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:22,159 Gilbert, are things moving too fast between you and a girl named Stella? 236 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,952 I wish. 237 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,791 Robin, could I hear yours? 238 00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:39,384 "Dear Ted, it's encyclo-pee-dia, not encyclo-pay-dia. 239 00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:42,554 "Why do you always say things in the most pretentious way possible? 240 00:12:42,638 --> 00:12:47,142 "It makes you sound douchey, and that's douche-ee, not douch-ay." 241 00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:50,771 Yeah, you already read that one at my pronunciation intervention. 242 00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,356 Where's the letter about Stella? 243 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,691 I didn't write one. I'm your ex-girlfriend. 244 00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:57,736 I figured anything I said on the subject would sound catty. 245 00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:00,614 Plus, I'm hotter than her, so who cares? 246 00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:03,659 Marshall? 247 00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,369 Dude, it's water under the bridge... 248 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,912 Please. 249 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:17,798 "Dear Ted, Stella seems like a wonderful person. 250 00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:23,178 "But you don't know her well enough to get married. 251 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,822 "You certainly don't know her well enough 252 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:27,933 "to commit to raising a 7-year-old with her. 253 00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:32,354 "You're not doing her, her child or yourself 254 00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,649 "any favors by rushing into this. 255 00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,985 "Just give it some more time." 256 00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:41,613 Dude, that was months ago, all right? 257 00:13:41,697 --> 00:13:43,532 That was before we got to know Stella, 258 00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:47,202 and see how awesome she is and what a great couple you guys are. 259 00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:50,163 That's why we decided not to even have that intervention. 260 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:53,000 Thank you. Because I really need you guys to be on board with this. 261 00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:54,418 And we are. 262 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,961 We hope you're not mad at us. 263 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:59,840 Of course not. I mean, it's not like what you said was crazy. 264 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:02,329 You had a lot of valid concerns. 265 00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:06,013 Yeah, but concerns we have completely moved on from. 266 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:10,225 But you had a point. I mean, this whole thing has moved pretty fast. 267 00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:14,187 Well, you know what? Maybe that's because when it's right, you just know. 268 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:18,608 Yeah, I guess, but we are still getting to know each other. 269 00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:20,235 And, Lily, maybe you're right. 270 00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,446 Maybe Stella won't like any of my stuff. 271 00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,158 Like the robot cookie jar. 272 00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:29,220 This was, like, the first thing we bought for this place, remember? 273 00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:30,787 Yeah, of course I do. 274 00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:33,498 Marshall, my sensors indicate 275 00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:37,085 thatyour pecan-Sandy levels are dangerously low. 276 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,757 My collection of James Bond movies. 277 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,550 Remember? We watched them all in order, 278 00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:47,179 and then Lily spoke in that weird English accent for, like, the next month? 279 00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:48,722 It was sophisticated. No. 280 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,098 Nope. 281 00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:53,852 My signed Bernie kosar cleats. 282 00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,604 My elephant lamp. 283 00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:58,940 The English phone booth. My sombrero! 284 00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:02,778 Ted, what are you doing? 285 00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:04,321 Unpacking. 286 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,157 I am never leaving this apartment. 287 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:17,709 No, no, Ted, stop unpacking. You're just freaking out. 288 00:15:17,793 --> 00:15:19,393 I'm not ready for all the responsibility. 289 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:23,548 And I'm certainly not ready to be a stepdad to a 7-year-old. 290 00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:26,885 I mean, if I get married and move to the suburbs, in the blink of an eye, 291 00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,345 I've become an old man! 292 00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:35,477 Why, hello, young lady. You want a butterscotch candy? 293 00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:40,440 What do you mean, "nothing in common?" We're both seniors. 294 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:47,280 You're cute. How old are you? 295 00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,200 How old are you? 296 00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,415 Okay, Ted has officially snapped. 297 00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,668 There are moving men coming in 10 hours. 298 00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:03,755 His fiancée is waiting for him in New Jersey. We have to do something. 299 00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:05,215 I've got this. 300 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:09,845 Hey, bud? 301 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,012 Hey. 302 00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,490 Why don't you come here for a minute? 303 00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,015 What? 304 00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:17,769 Look, I want you to know this is all totally normal. 305 00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:21,231 Big transitions can be scary, and cold feet, 306 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,150 well, they're just part of the deal. 307 00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:26,862 So how about you give me the knife? 308 00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:29,156 Give me the knife. 309 00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:30,574 Come on. 310 00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:34,536 So I can start unpacking, too. 311 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,621 I'm staying here right by your side forever, buddy! 312 00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:37,747 Yeah! Yeah! 313 00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:38,999 Marshall! 314 00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,960 Lily, our lives have been good here. 315 00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,712 That's why we've been putting off packing. 316 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:47,299 Because, subconsciously, we both know that it would be stupid to leave. 317 00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:50,468 It's safe and warm here. There's a bar downstairs 318 00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,304 and a cookie robot in the kitchen. 319 00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,139 This is my home, and I'm never leaving! 320 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:55,390 Listen to you. 321 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:58,059 You sound like that fat, dweeby kid at camp. 322 00:16:58,143 --> 00:16:59,811 "Mom, dad, I want to come home. 323 00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:02,689 "The cool kids are playing keep away with my inhaler." 324 00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:05,567 I can't believe my dad read that letter at our wedding. 325 00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,152 Marshall, you can't do this to Lily. 326 00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,362 Yes, I know your new place has had some problems, 327 00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:12,782 with the slanted floors and the nearby sewage treatment plant, 328 00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:15,285 but you're gonna turn it into a great home. 329 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,369 Tell him, lin. 330 00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,872 It's a black hole where dreams go to die. 331 00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,415 I'm not moving, either. 332 00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:21,875 Oh, come on! Yes! 333 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:24,002 Okay, you guys finish unpacking. 334 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,963 I'm gonna go bake some cookies to fill r2-sweet tooth. 335 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,383 Oh, my god, look at you cowards! 336 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:34,596 So afraid of any kind of change. So terrified of anything new. 337 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:38,391 So desperate to cling to anything comfortable and familiar. 338 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:40,310 I can't move to Japan. 339 00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:41,811 Yes! Whoa! 340 00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:46,316 What was I thinking? It's so far away and I don't speak the language. 341 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,652 I don't even have any good pictures of you guys. 342 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,445 Oh, sweetie. 343 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,365 Everybody says change is so great, right? 344 00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:54,908 But what's so great about change? 345 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,702 Hey, who wants to walk down to our same old bar, 346 00:17:57,786 --> 00:18:00,080 sit in our regular booth and order the usual? 347 00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:01,164 Yeah! 348 00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,208 The usual! My favorite! 349 00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,879 Oh, my god. 350 00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,345 Well, well, well. 351 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:19,099 Ibeheve someone owes me $200. 352 00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:21,309 Barney, this was never a bet. Nobody... 353 00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:25,272 This proves that I will be this awesome when I'm 80. 354 00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,357 Arthritis-five. 355 00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:31,945 I'm moving to New Jersey. 356 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,029 What? 357 00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:36,408 And you and Marshall should move to your new place, and Robin should go to Japan. 358 00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:40,036 Because we're gonna get older whether we like it or not, 359 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,957 so the only question is, whether we want to get on with our lives 360 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,711 or desperately cling to the past and end up like that? 361 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,462 You mean awesome? 362 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:54,426 I'm 80, dude, and I'm making out with a 22-year-old. 363 00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:57,554 Take me to your place, chéfi. 364 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,764 I want to see your world war ii medals. 365 00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:02,559 In a minute, mon petit. 366 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,020 All right, so that doesn't count. 367 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,271 What? Why? 368 00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:09,983 She's French. That's like playing tennis with the net down. 369 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:13,278 You know what? I'll cover the security deposit. 370 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:16,323 I'm glad to, because every dent in that place 371 00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,742 represents a memory that I'll Cherish forever. 372 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,160 But on one condition. 373 00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:23,663 We all put aside 10 bucks every week for the next year, 374 00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:26,958 and we come back here and we buy that 50-year-old scotch, 375 00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:30,754 and we toast the incredible life-changing year we've all had. 376 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,630 Get out of our booth. 377 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,970 Me with my new family, Marshall and Lily in their new apartment, 378 00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:42,349 and Robin as the number-one English-speaking journalist 379 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:47,520 in the pacific rim, visiting us here in New York to celebrate this day, 380 00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:48,730 the day we closed 381 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:52,692 an incredible chapter in our lives, only to open up a new one. 382 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:54,944 Um. I think I left my cell... 383 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,446 Get out of here! 384 00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:01,868 Older Ted: And one year later, that's exactly what we did. 385 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:06,373 And so, let's raise a glass of $2,500 scotch for one hell of a year. 386 00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:07,457 Barney: Hmm. 387 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,046 Amazing. That's unbelievable. 388 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:16,841 It's kind of smoky, with a hint of aged cedar, and... 389 00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:19,070 Do you guys taste the difference between this and $10 scotch? 390 00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:20,136 Not at all. No difference. 391 00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,638 I want to cut mine with red bull. 392 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,098 Oh, Wendy, will you take a picture? 393 00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,432 Sure. 394 00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,560 Older Ted: A lot of things did change that year, 395 00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,312 but some things stayed the same. 396 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:33,691 So, what do you say we move this party upstairs to the apartment? 397 00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:35,318 Yeah. Great idea. 398 00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,246 What the... 399 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,707 Barney, this is an intervention. 400 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:53,211 I'm sorry, I can't hear you. 401 00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,672 All right, enough with the old-man bit. 402 00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:58,216 What about the old sand pit? 403 00:20:58,299 --> 00:20:59,843 Let it go. 404 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:03,513 Let it snow? I love that old ditty! 405 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,558 I'm getting my flail. 406 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,726 You're setting sail?