1 00:00:02,587 --> 00:00:05,673 Older Ted: Kids, here's something I wish my dad had told me. 2 00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:08,718 The longest pause you will ever experience in your life 3 00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:10,928 is the one that follows asking the question... 4 00:00:11,012 --> 00:00:12,972 Will you marry me? 5 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,724 Older Ted: Your brain goes into overdrive, 6 00:00:14,807 --> 00:00:16,809 imagining every possible response. 7 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:20,730 Oh, god, no. 8 00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:27,653 You want me to marry... no. 9 00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,573 I'm sorry, Ted. I can't. 10 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:33,177 Mark Johnson, the quarterback from your high-school football team, 11 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,619 already asked me. 12 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,287 What's up, turd? 13 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,289 It's Ted! 14 00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:40,392 Older Ted: But if you're lucky, 15 00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:44,503 she may answer with the single greatest word in the English language. 16 00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,796 Yes. 17 00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:03,856 Older Ted: Stella and! Spent that summer happily engaged. 18 00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:06,234 Marshall was still coping with unemployment. 19 00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:08,152 What are you doing? 20 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,697 Lily threw herself into her painting. 21 00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:13,658 What are you doing? 22 00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:16,911 Barney was rehabilitating from his bus accident. 23 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,704 What are you doing? 24 00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:23,459 And, well, Marshall just kept coping with unemployment. 25 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,089 What are you doing? 26 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,424 And Robin continued to uphold 27 00:01:30,508 --> 00:01:33,010 the high journalistic standards of Metro news 1. 28 00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:38,808 Is your favorite brand of dental floss poisoning your entire family? 29 00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:42,520 Tune in at 11:00 for the shocking tooth. 30 00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:48,109 Okay, I officially hate my job. 31 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:49,402 I'm not a reporter, 32 00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:52,280 I'm just someone who shows up at night and scares people. 33 00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:55,074 I'm the boogeyman with a teleprompter. 34 00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,662 "Boogeyman with a teleprompter." 35 00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:00,997 That's hilarious! 36 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,665 Great joke, Robin, great joke. 37 00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:05,793 Barney, no offense to Robin, but that wasn't that funny. 38 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:08,462 Are you kidding? That was a great joke. 39 00:02:08,546 --> 00:02:10,881 It's smart, funny, beautiful, it's the whole package. 40 00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:14,135 It's everything you're afraid to let yourself want. 41 00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:15,720 In a joke. 42 00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:22,310 "Boogeyman with a teleprompter." That's classic. 43 00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,896 Okay, what is so urgent 44 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:30,234 that you called me and begged me to come over at 7:22 in the morning? 45 00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,158 I could tell you knew something was up with me, 46 00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:33,988 and you're right. 47 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,531 But I can't tell you what it is. 48 00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:36,949 I should tell you, but I can't! 49 00:02:37,033 --> 00:02:38,326 I have to. I never will! 50 00:02:38,409 --> 00:02:39,689 I'm going to. Let's just drop it. 51 00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:41,454 What's up with you? 52 00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,456 Barney, just say it. 53 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,627 I think I'm in love with Robin. 54 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,881 Hey, Lily needs some gift ideas for Stella's wedding shower. 55 00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:53,632 Does she like to cook? 56 00:02:55,051 --> 00:02:56,802 Actually, I don't know. 57 00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:58,763 What's her favorite color? 58 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:01,265 Don't know that, either. 59 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,975 Well, does she have any hobbies? 60 00:03:03,059 --> 00:03:06,645 Yes, she's exactly the kind of person who would have hobbies. 61 00:03:06,729 --> 00:03:08,564 And interests, too. 62 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,524 I am one lucky son of a bitch. 63 00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:14,195 Dude, you don't know anything about the woman you're marrying. 64 00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:16,864 What? You're crazy! I know plenty. 65 00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,241 What color are her eyes? 66 00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:22,203 The color of the ocean after a storm. 67 00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:24,288 Which is? 68 00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,583 Beautiful. 69 00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:30,044 I don't believe it. 70 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,587 Ithoughtyou called me over here 71 00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,297 to uncuff you from your sex swing again, 72 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:36,926 but you're in love? That is so sweet! 73 00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:40,388 It's not sweet. It's like a disease. 74 00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:43,724 I slept with Robin one time and I caught feelings. 75 00:03:43,808 --> 00:03:45,393 I caught feelings bad. 76 00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,187 I used protection and everything. 77 00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,398 Barney, you don't catch feelings, 78 00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,983 you just have them. And they're good. 79 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:57,113 They're terrible! I can't eat, I can't sleep. 80 00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,489 She's all I think about. 81 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,116 I close my eyes, I see Robin. 82 00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:03,244 I... I hear a song, it reminds me of Robin. Morning. 83 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:06,539 I sleep with that chick, I'm thinking about Robin. 84 00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:10,334 Okay, so I don't know every single detail about Stella. 85 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,419 What's this really about? 86 00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:12,562 Do you not like her or something? 87 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,463 No, Ted, I like Stella a lot. 88 00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:16,298 She's a mets fan. Really? 89 00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:18,926 It's just that everything with you guys has moved so fast. 90 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,928 You've only known each other a few months. 91 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,323 Don't you think maybe you should slow things down a little bit? 92 00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:24,449 Get to know each other better? 93 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,435 I'll have a whole lifetime to get to know her better. 94 00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:29,270 Right now, I know the one thing 95 00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,981 that I have to, that I love her. 96 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:33,816 You love her? 97 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:36,026 Barney, how can you be in love 98 00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:39,572 and still be sleeping with anything that moves? 99 00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,740 I'm sorry, I don't follow you. 100 00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:44,326 That's like saying, "how can an ant 101 00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,120 "carry 20 times its body weight, 102 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,080 "but root beer floats are still delicious?" 103 00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:49,957 Are the two even related? Really? 104 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,294 Barney, you're going to have to stop screwing around 105 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:55,129 if you want to be Robin's boyfriend. 106 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:58,674 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Boyfriend? 107 00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:01,302 I don't want to be Robin's "boyfriend." 108 00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:02,970 Well, what do you want, then? 109 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,806 I don't know. I just want to be with her. 110 00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,308 All the time. 111 00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:10,478 I want to hear about her day and tell her about mine. 112 00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:13,898 I want to hold her hand and smell her hair. 113 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,651 But I don't want to be her stupid boyfriend. 114 00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,862 Barney, what you just described 115 00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:23,532 is a relationship between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. 116 00:05:23,616 --> 00:05:26,160 And a pretty clingy one at that. 117 00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,954 Look, Lily, are you going to help me out with this or not? 118 00:05:29,038 --> 00:05:30,831 I'm a kindergarten teacher. 119 00:05:30,915 --> 00:05:32,917 I see a confused little kid in the corner 120 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,793 trying to eat the lefty scissors, 121 00:05:34,877 --> 00:05:37,087 I gotta help the poor little bastard. 122 00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:40,382 But only if you stop sleeping around. Deal? 123 00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:42,635 Deal. 124 00:05:42,927 --> 00:05:43,928 Coming up next, 125 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,387 is your local ice-cream man 126 00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:48,849 actually driving a roving meth lab on wheels? 127 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:52,770 Stay tuned for the full scoop. 128 00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,563 Really? 129 00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,109 Uh-huh? Mmm. 130 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:01,612 I know dudes think it's girlie for a guy to cook, 131 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,572 but us ladies? 132 00:06:03,656 --> 00:06:05,115 We find it mighty sexy. 133 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,450 Really? 134 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,620 You know, my grandma taught me how. 135 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,664 Oh, yeah, she did. Yeah. 136 00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:13,934 Yeah, I had a lot of time after school to watch her cook, 137 00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:16,585 because I wasn't good at sports. 138 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,338 I'm on fire right now. 139 00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:25,386 Delicious. What's in this Pesto? 140 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:28,556 You know, the usual. Basil, garlic, olive oil. 141 00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:30,975 But can you guess my secret ingredient? 142 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,226 Peanuts. 143 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,686 Yes. How did you know that? 144 00:06:40,818 --> 00:06:42,069 Okay, let me think. What else? 145 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,404 You know what, sweetie? 146 00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:46,282 I woke up so early, and I had a really long day at work. 147 00:06:46,365 --> 00:06:48,802 And then there was that whole thing where you tried to kill me. 148 00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:50,286 Can we please just go to sleep? 149 00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:53,247 No, I clearly need to know more about you. 150 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,499 Let's do firsts. First kiss? 151 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,751 Dale Harris, second grade. 152 00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,354 Wait, you're talking like peck on the cheek 153 00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:01,046 or a full-on passionate making out? 154 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,966 Passionate making out. Okay, yeah, Dale Harris, second grade. 155 00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:05,801 First time you had sex. 156 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,845 Dale Harris, second... stop it. 157 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,930 Billy devito, sophomore year of college. 158 00:07:10,014 --> 00:07:11,181 Prude. 159 00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:13,183 Molly McKenzie, junior year of high school. 160 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:14,476 Slut. 161 00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,688 Robin just needs to see this new side of you. 162 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,772 So just call her up? 163 00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:20,190 Just call her up. 164 00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:23,736 It's... 165 00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:30,951 She wasn't there. I left a voice mail. 166 00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:33,912 You left a voice, but it wasn't male. 167 00:07:33,996 --> 00:07:34,997 Barney, I don't get it. 168 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,666 You've called a million girls a million times. 169 00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:39,335 Yeah, but those were just Booty calls. 170 00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:41,837 On a Booty call, you barely even have to talk. 171 00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:44,048 Barney: Around 9:00 P.M., you say... 172 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,425 Hey, baby, it's Barney. You busy tonight? 173 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:49,094 Sweet. See you in half an hour? Can't wait. 174 00:07:49,845 --> 00:07:52,348 Barne y: But the later it gets, the fewer words you need. 175 00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:54,475 Barney. Busy? Sweet. 176 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:56,810 And by 3:00 in the morning... 177 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,151 Sweet. 178 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,362 A question Mark? 179 00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:08,656 You got laid off a question Mark? 180 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:14,578 Hey! It's no worse than your super-obvious code words. 181 00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,332 Rhinoceros. We have to go. 182 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,585 Great. Now we need a new code word. 183 00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:25,673 It's her, it's Robin. What do I do? 184 00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:27,174 No, no, no, no... 185 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,718 Robin, great to hear from you. 186 00:08:29,802 --> 00:08:32,012 To what do I owe the pleasure? 187 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,180 You called, went... 188 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:35,766 And hung up. What do you want? 189 00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,601 Help me! 190 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,270 Just ask her something. 191 00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:42,898 How are you feeling today? 192 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,566 Fine. 193 00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:46,443 Something personal. 194 00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:51,115 At what age did you first get your period? 195 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,701 Did you just ask me about my period? 196 00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:55,494 No, I did not. 197 00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,145 Look, Barney, I'm at work right now. 198 00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:00,082 Just ask her out. 199 00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,503 Robin, I was wondering if... 200 00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:08,632 Nothing. Gotta go. Bye. 201 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,551 Ha, ha, ha. 202 00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,428 That was just a practical joke. 203 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,304 I'm not really in love with Robin. 204 00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,598 You should've seen the look on your face. 205 00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:19,810 There's cameras right there and there and there. 206 00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:24,773 What a legendary prank that we're never going to speak of again. 207 00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:31,780 Gross. 208 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,284 First movie you ever saw. 209 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:37,077 Benji, 1981. 210 00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:40,581 I watched it recently with Lucy and I just thought, 211 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:43,250 "that dog is so dead right now." 212 00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:45,627 What about you? 213 00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:47,254 My dad took me to an old drive-in 214 00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,173 to see the original star wars. 215 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,508 You know, I've actually never seen star wars. 216 00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:54,094 She's never seen star wars? 217 00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:56,656 Ted, the only people in the universe who haven't seen star wars 218 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,098 are the characters in star wars, 219 00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,701 and that's 'cause they lived them, Ted! 220 00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,435 That's 'cause they lived the star wars. 221 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:02,895 You gotta calm down. 222 00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:05,373 I told you. I told you you didn't know this girl well enough. 223 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:08,025 What if you show it to her and she doesn't like it? 224 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,443 Dude, it's just a movie. 225 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,154 Ted, star wars is your all-time favorite movie, 226 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:14,615 and whether or not Stella likes it is actually important. 227 00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:17,201 It's a test of how compatible you guys are. 228 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,203 Marshall, it's just a movie. 229 00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:21,246 It's just a movie. 230 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:27,771 Okay, if Stella doesn't like this movie, 231 00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:28,837 I can't marry her. 232 00:10:28,921 --> 00:10:30,172 No, you can't. 233 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,716 Want to watch it again? Yes, I do. 234 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:40,808 Wait, where are the boys? 235 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:41,951 I thought this was a group thing. 236 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,018 Yeah, I lied. 237 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,020 They're not coming and I'm about to leave. 238 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:50,317 Because they're not in love with Robin, and neither am I. 239 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,569 I mean, she's great and sweet. 240 00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:54,672 I'm not gonna pretend that I haven't noticed her body, 241 00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:57,491 but this is off-topic. Good luck. 242 00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,284 Wait, wait, I can't do this. 243 00:10:59,368 --> 00:11:00,512 She'll never take me seriously. 244 00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:02,496 She thinks I'm some womanizing idiot. 245 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:05,332 Hey. We both know you're more than that. 246 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:08,752 Okay, just show Robin the Barney I met the other day. 247 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,421 You mean the insecure, touchy-feely she-male 248 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,841 who sounded alarmingly close to Ted? 249 00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:16,301 Hey, Ted hit that for over a year. 250 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,929 Wish me luck. 251 00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,616 I just thought it'd be fun to watch a movie tonight, 252 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,684 and since you've never seen star wars, 253 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,270 I figured, why not? No big deal. 254 00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,522 It's pretty good. 255 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:29,982 Sounds like a plan. 256 00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:37,573 Hey, I'm just gonna grab a beer. You want one? 257 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,783 The movie's already started, so... 258 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,678 Yeah, it's just some words flying through space. 259 00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:43,263 I mean, I'm not going to read that anyway. 260 00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:44,413 Oh, my god. 261 00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,456 Off to a bad start. 262 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:48,542 What are you doing down there? 263 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:51,169 I'm making sure my best friend is marrying the right woman. 264 00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,253 That's what I'm doing. 265 00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:54,631 Dude, what the hell are you doing, hiding behind the couch? 266 00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:56,717 You need to get a job. 267 00:11:58,093 --> 00:11:59,094 I really do, don't I? 268 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,262 Yeah. 269 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:05,058 So, romn, tell me about your day, 270 00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,602 and not just what happened, 271 00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:09,146 how you felt about what happened. 272 00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:10,689 What? 273 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:14,651 I'm not looking to problem-solve, I'm just looking to listen. 274 00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:18,071 Why are you acting like this? Like what? 275 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:21,909 You're being super-nice. It's freaking me out. 276 00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,579 Be gross, be inappropriate. Be Barney. 277 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,831 I'm being Barney, 278 00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:32,669 and I think tonight's going to be de... wait for it... lightful. 279 00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:35,172 Delightful. 280 00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,090 Right. 281 00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:42,763 Hey, so I went to the chiropractor yesterday. 282 00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,264 That guy bent me over the table 283 00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,308 and pounded me for a good hour. 284 00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:50,427 Is insurance gonna cover that? 285 00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:52,439 Sometimes they don't. 286 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,942 That's it? Okay. 287 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:59,279 Well, today I was at the dentist. 288 00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:02,824 That guy drilled me all day long. 289 00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,286 He drilled me hard. 290 00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:08,705 He filled all of my cavities. 291 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:10,248 Come on, man. 292 00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:11,875 Well, your teeth look fantastic. 293 00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:13,418 Who are you? 294 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:22,886 What? 295 00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:25,097 Nothing. 296 00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,891 You were staring at me. 297 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:31,603 You look really beautiful tonight. 298 00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:34,815 You don't look so bad yourself, mister. 299 00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:37,275 Yeah, great scene, great scene. 300 00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,488 Star wars fun fact number seven, 301 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,156 George Lucas based the film's structure 302 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,867 on Akira kurosawa's the hidden fortress. 303 00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,831 He also owes a debt to Joseph Campbell's work with comparative mythology. 304 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:52,541 Yeah, Ted, I'm losing wood over here. What's going on? 305 00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:53,917 Nothing. 306 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:57,254 Wait, it's really important to you 307 00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,256 that I like this movie, isn't it? 308 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:05,595 Well, I'm not gonna like it with you staring at me the whole time. 309 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,573 Go to your room and I will come get you when it's over. 310 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,141 Stella... 311 00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,065 Should I leave, too? 312 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,069 What part? What part? What part? 313 00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:29,703 Thanks. 314 00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:33,206 Nothing? Not even a glance? 315 00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:37,127 I mean, even I was thinking about rocking a motorboat on those bad boys. 316 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,755 What the hell is wrong with you, Barney? 317 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,882 I don't always want to be that guy. 318 00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:46,011 Sometimes I want to be someone you can have an actual conversation with. 319 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:49,931 Now, tell me something about you that I don't know yet. 320 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,475 Seriously. 321 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,102 Okay. 322 00:14:55,979 --> 00:15:00,817 There's a job opening at a new cable network that would be perfect for me. 323 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,861 Completely legit world news, 324 00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:05,030 interviews with people who matter... 325 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,158 But I decided I'm not going to apply. 326 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,327 Why not? Because I'm a joke. 327 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,747 I'm just the scary news lady from some stupid local news channel. 328 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:16,666 Hey, we both know you're more than that. 329 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,836 Promise me you'll apply. 330 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:23,882 Barney, it's not as easy... Promise me you'll apply. 331 00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,053 Okay. I promise. 332 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,681 Okay, she's up to the scene 333 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,285 where Luke, Leia, han and Chewie escape 334 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:34,827 from the death star's trash compactor. 335 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,269 Great scene. 336 00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,105 Great scene. 337 00:15:40,524 --> 00:15:43,068 Okay, we should have just heard... 338 00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,865 But Stella didn't make a peep. 339 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,493 I'm gonna take a look. All right. 340 00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,545 She's not even watching. She's texting. 341 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,272 I'll tell her you still want to be friends. 342 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,173 I don't believe this. Ibeheve_. 343 00:16:05,257 --> 00:16:07,337 She knows this is important to me. She's blatantly... 344 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,640 "Stop watching me, jackasses." 345 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,184 To taking chances. 346 00:16:16,268 --> 00:16:17,561 To taking chances. 347 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,333 You know, Robin, there's actually something 348 00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,192 I do want to talk to you about. 349 00:16:24,276 --> 00:16:26,903 Last call. Of course it is. 350 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,321 One more for the road? 351 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,157 Yeah, why not? Hold that thought? 352 00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:34,578 I will. 353 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,963 Yes! I loved it 354 00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:49,718 yes, I am marrying a woman who is not only hot but loves star wars. 355 00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:51,761 That's the dream. Yes! 356 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:53,763 What was that? 357 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,473 I was high-fiving 15-year-old me 358 00:16:55,557 --> 00:16:57,100 through the space-time continuum. 359 00:16:57,184 --> 00:17:00,729 We did it. We did it, you masturbating little bastard. 360 00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,398 Champagne for everybody. 361 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,235 It was so good. 362 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:09,362 You hated it, didn't you? It's so stupid. 363 00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:12,157 I mean, first of all, how do they understand that walking bear 364 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,342 they hang around with all the time? 365 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,076 Wookiee. Yeah, he goes... 366 00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:19,473 And they're all like, "that's a good point, bear, let's try that." 367 00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:24,544 Okay, he's a wookiee, and his kind is actually more intelligent than they appear. 368 00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:28,590 Look, Stella, that is Ted's favorite movie of all time. 369 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:31,092 He watches it when he's home, sick with the flu. 370 00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:33,803 He watches it on rainy Sunday afternoons in the fall. 371 00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:37,224 He watches it on Christmas Eve. 372 00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:38,725 Ted watches star wars 373 00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:42,229 in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. 374 00:17:43,355 --> 00:17:44,874 Do you really think that you can pretend 375 00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,524 to like a movie that you actually hate 376 00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,735 for the rest of your life? 377 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:54,491 I do. 378 00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:58,495 Well, then, Ted's a lucky guy. 379 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,084 Bean 380 00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:07,963 hey. Hey. 381 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,381 So, here's the deal... 382 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:12,509 April, have you met Barney? 383 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,011 Hi, Barney. Hello. 384 00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,388 April just finished her shift, 385 00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:19,099 and she's looking to blow off some steam. 386 00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:22,894 Would you excuse us for one sec? 387 00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:24,771 What are you doing? 388 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:25,998 Well, you were so nice to me tonight, 389 00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:29,109 I wanted to return the favor, wingwoman style. 390 00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:31,152 So, as I was saying, April, 391 00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:33,613 Barney is the Yankees' new second-baseman. 392 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,991 And Barney, April asked if tomorrow, 393 00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:39,911 you could hit a goal for her during the baseball match. 394 00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:42,289 You can't make this stuff up. 395 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,041 So, you two kids have fun. 396 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,713 So, are you nervous about the game? 397 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,048 Yeah, I'm nervous for the other team, 398 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,260 'cause when I step up to that plate... 399 00:18:57,554 --> 00:19:00,140 Look, April, I am not a New York yankee. 400 00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:03,244 Any other night, I would probably try to convince you that I am, but I'm not. 401 00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:07,188 I'm just some guy who's in love with the girl that just left, 402 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:10,275 and she's never gonna feel the same way. 403 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,112 So I'm just gonna go. 404 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,156 And that was it. 405 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:17,991 I'm so sorry, Barney. 406 00:19:19,743 --> 00:19:21,578 But you can't give up. 407 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:22,941 You know, it may take some time, 408 00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:25,081 but once Robin really sees the new you... 409 00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:28,001 Barney, when my family gets to yankee stadium, 410 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,794 are the tickets under your name or mine? 411 00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:32,339 Myname, and tell your nephews to bring their mitts. 412 00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:34,090 They're going to be in foul-ball country. 413 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,259 Okay. 414 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:40,138 Come on. Okay, well, the Robin stuff was completely true. 415 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,557 Damn it, Barney. 416 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,602 I mean, for the last time, you can't, 417 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,104 you can't be in love with Robin 418 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:51,316 and still be sleeping with every bimbo on the planet. 419 00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:53,735 You have to choose right now. 420 00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:56,696 I choose bimbos. What? 421 00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:59,157 Hey, Lily, bimbos make me happy. 422 00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:01,701 Bimbos make me feel alive. 423 00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:05,997 Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. 424 00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:07,874 This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, 425 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,461 but at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos. 426 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,422 No, no, this is just a defense mechanism 427 00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:16,049 because you're afraid of getting hurt. 428 00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:18,134 You're just confused. 429 00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:20,553 I'm not confused, Lily. 430 00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,555 You know who is confused? 431 00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:25,058 Bimbos. They're easily confused. 432 00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:28,520 It's one of the thousand little things I love about them. 433 00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:32,023 I love their vacant, trusting stares, 434 00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:34,984 their sluggish, unencumbered minds, 435 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:37,570 their unresolved daddy issues. 436 00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:40,698 I love them, Lily, and they love me. 437 00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:45,078 Bimbos have always been there for me, through thick and thin. 438 00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:47,247 Mostly thin. B-man don't do thick crust. 439 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,456 What up? 440 00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:50,250 See you, Barney. 441 00:21:20,572 --> 00:21:22,740 Chimichanga. We have to go.