1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,471 NARRATOR: Kids, in the spring of 2008, 2 00:00:03,537 --> 00:00:04,972 something kinda strange had been happening 3 00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:06,174 to your Uncle Barney. 4 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,209 He'd be doing great with a woman... 5 00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:10,211 So I throw the pressurized oxygen tank in his mouth, 6 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:11,912 I shoot the tank, boom! 7 00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:13,281 No more shark. 8 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,816 Mr. Holland and I swim back to shore. 9 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,318 Let me freshen your drink. 10 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,720 He'd only be gone a few moments, 11 00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:20,954 but when he returned... 12 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:21,989 So where were we? 13 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,125 ...he'd get slapped. 14 00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:25,526 It kept happening. 15 00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:26,727 Jerk! 16 00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:30,664 Until finally, Lily was approached 17 00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,266 by a mysterious woman 18 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:34,668 who warned her to stay away from Barney. 19 00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,770 So when it happened once more... 20 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,639 Again?! 21 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,741 Really?! Wait... 22 00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,110 ...Barney knew who to look for. 23 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,563 Hey, hey. 24 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:03,764 Hey, excuse me. 25 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,833 Did I sleep with you and then totally screw you over? 26 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,501 No. 27 00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,771 What are you doing on Friday? 28 00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:13,040 (grunts) 29 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:14,108 Hey! 30 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,843 Uh... no. 31 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,077 Stop! 32 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:18,446 (groans) 33 00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,981 Amy? 34 00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:23,117 Abby. 35 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:26,154 Right. 36 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,171 NARRATOR: Kids, sometimes you can do something right 37 00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,738 a thousand times in a row... 38 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,874 A rainbow! 39 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,643 That's beautiful! 40 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:50,711 What a beautiful 41 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,246 rainbow! 42 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:55,583 Another rainbow? 43 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,618 It's beautiful! 44 00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:00,188 But then, that thousand-and-first time... 45 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,822 You're kidding me. 46 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,392 Seriously, aren't you sick of these things? 47 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,894 Uh-oh. 48 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,430 Hey, how was your day? 49 00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:12,600 Today, I yelled at a little girl for painting a rainbow. 50 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:13,667 A rainbow? 51 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,369 Sounds like that bitch had it coming. 52 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:19,173 Hey. 53 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,176 So, uh, I just met with the contractor. 54 00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,511 And it turns out, 55 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,313 that fixing the floors of the new apartment 56 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,315 is going to cost a lot more than the estimate. 57 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,683 But we can barely afford that to begin with. 58 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,752 I hate to say this, 59 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,555 but I think you're going to have to sell your stuff. 60 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:35,623 Whoa! Marshall, 61 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,958 that's just a game we play in the bedroom. 62 00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,827 I mean your clothes. 63 00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,795 All those designer pieces and everything. 64 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:42,963 What? 65 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,232 Why just my clothes? 66 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,733 We can sell my stuff, too, 67 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:46,734 but I got to tell you, 68 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,168 I think your Marc Jacobs cocktail dress 69 00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,537 is going to go for a lot more 70 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,472 than my "Split Happens" bowling shirt. 71 00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:53,541 Dude. (whispering): I'm not selling that. 72 00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:56,810 I've already made the Website. 73 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,212 You made a Website? 74 00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,847 Yeah, it's called 75 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:03,917 "Lily-and-Marshall-sell- their-stuff-dot-com." 76 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:07,588 No, you know what would be a better name for the site? 77 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:11,692 Guy-forces-his-wife- to-dress-in-a-garbage-bag- 78 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:15,563 for-the-next- three-years-dot-com. 79 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:16,964 Whoa. 80 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,699 That's real. 81 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:19,900 Now I'm worried. 82 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:22,536 That woman is actually wearing a-a garbage bag. 83 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,071 Hmm, but, girlfriend, 84 00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,707 you cannot pull off a tall kitchen. 85 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:29,943 Why are you trying to ruin my life? 86 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,546 Well, you slept with me and then you never called me again. 87 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:33,981 And? 88 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:34,982 That's it. 89 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,450 That's it? 90 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:37,485 As far as I'm concerned, 91 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:38,752 if I leave you safe on dry land 92 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,187 with adequate transportation home, 93 00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,289 you've got nothing to complain about. 94 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:43,090 Well, it hurt, okay? 95 00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:44,625 And then Ted, the love of my life, 96 00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:46,327 started dating my boss instead of me. 97 00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,895 Do you know how that feels? 98 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:51,231 Oh, boo-hoo, poor little Ashley. 99 00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:53,301 Abby! Abby. 100 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,335 A few weeks ago, 101 00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,670 Ted dumped me as his wingman. 102 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,372 You had a crush on him for a couple weeks? 103 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,208 I was Ted's best friend for seven years. 104 00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,843 Ted said Marshall was his best friend. 105 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,144 Seven years! 106 00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:05,879 Sorry. 107 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,047 Ted. 108 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,181 What an idiot. 109 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,284 With his stupid 110 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,986 "meaningful relationship" with Stella. 111 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:13,987 Ted. 112 00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:15,255 Ted. 113 00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:16,290 I hate Ted. 114 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:17,458 I hate Ted more. 115 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,327 Are you as turned on as I am? 116 00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,629 Probably not quite as much. 117 00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,397 (sighs) 118 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,999 I'm sorry I yelled out "Ted." 119 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,469 I'm sorry I yelled out "Abby." 120 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:30,971 I am Abby. 121 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,006 Oh, cool. 122 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,775 This is insane. 123 00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:36,810 Has Lily even worn half this stuff? 124 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,446 Oh, yeah, like there's nothing in your closet 125 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:39,680 you've never worn? 126 00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:41,549 As a matter of fact, no, there isn't. 127 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,184 Whatever, red cowboy boots. Hey, 128 00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:45,519 those are nice boots. 129 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,054 I totally pull those off. 130 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,756 Hey, Lil, 131 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:49,957 if I were to say 132 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,892 "Ted could never pull them off," 133 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,328 What would I be talking about? His red cowboy boots. 134 00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:55,629 I totally pull them off! 135 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,365 It's a classic Western look. 136 00:04:57,431 --> 00:05:00,334 Oh, okay, uh, today's category: 137 00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:03,837 classic Westerns that involve red cowboy boots. 138 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:04,872 Ooh, ooh! Robin. 139 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,675 "The Good, the Bad, and the Fabulous." 140 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:08,476 Ooh! 141 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:11,278 "The Magnificent Kevin." 142 00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:13,947 "No Country for Straight Men." 143 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,016 (laughing) 144 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,852 I don't want to sell my clothes! 145 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:19,953 Oh, I know, sweetie. 146 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,021 Come here. 147 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,289 Yeah. 148 00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,191 Mmm. Is this a hundred percent silk? 149 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,826 Lily, 150 00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,461 listen, we really need the money. 151 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,730 I have some leads on a job, but until then, 152 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,332 I just... I don't know what else we can do. 153 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,703 I'll sell my paintings! 154 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,137 What? 155 00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:39,206 Yeah, I'll sell my paintings. 156 00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:41,709 Good oil paintings go for like, $500. 157 00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:42,810 Yeah. 158 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:43,911 Totally. 159 00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:45,078 But... 160 00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:47,180 Kids, sometimes you can do something right 161 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,982 a thousand times in a row... 162 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,150 I love it. 163 00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,852 It's a masterpiece. 164 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,789 That's it. We're selling the TV. 165 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,357 I just want to come home and stare at this 166 00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:59,427 all day. Aw. 167 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,629 Somebody call the cops! 168 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,264 My wife stole an awesome painting from the museum! 169 00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:05,599 Aw. 170 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,570 But then, that thousand-and-first time... 171 00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:11,872 ...that kind of money only goes for real paintings. 172 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,306 Uh-oh. 173 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,576 What does that mean? 174 00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:18,211 Look, it just, it just means 175 00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,047 that-that we need money right now 176 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,349 and I'm not sure that selling your paintings 177 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:23,684 is-is how we're going to get it. 178 00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,653 You don't believe in me. 179 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,288 No, wait, wait! 180 00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,457 Of c... 181 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,958 of course I believe in you! 182 00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,494 Marshall, I am proud of my work as an artist. 183 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,295 My paintings are good. 184 00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:37,130 I bet Robin would buy one. 185 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,466 What now? 186 00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,934 I love your painting, 187 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,236 I just... I'm trying to be realistic. 188 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,539 Well, how much money do we need 189 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,207 for the contractor to finish the job? 190 00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,776 About 1,500 bucks. 191 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,143 Okay. 192 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:53,647 So, if I can sell three of my paintings at 500 bucks a pop, 193 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,783 then I get to keep all my clothes. 194 00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:56,950 Babe, 195 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,351 we need money fast. 196 00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,753 Well, give me a week. 197 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,254 (sighs) 198 00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:03,290 Okay, a-a week. 199 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,758 Fine. Fine. 200 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,126 Fine. 201 00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,139 Pulling. 202 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,641 Them. 203 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,643 Off. 204 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,584 NARRATOR: Lily's first move in the great art challenge of 2008 205 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,520 was to display one of her favorite paintings 206 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:33,787 at her friend's gallery. 207 00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,956 The night didn't go so well. 208 00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:41,261 * * 209 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,230 But then at the last minute... 210 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,932 I love it. 211 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:45,699 You do? 212 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,234 Yeah, your top. It's gorgeous. 213 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,636 Is that 100% silk? 214 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:51,404 It's not for sale! My clothes are not for sale! 215 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,673 So the next day, 216 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,608 Lily took her painting to a coffee house 217 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:55,976 that displayed local artists. 218 00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,145 We've been sitting here for hours 219 00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,814 and nobody's even glanced at my painting. 220 00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:01,515 Come on. 221 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,083 Let's start talking it up. 222 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,585 Wow! 223 00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:07,254 I really like that painting! 224 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,022 It's neat! 225 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,559 The-the colors are neat. 226 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,060 The-the shapes are neat. 227 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,028 It's really just... 228 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,697 neat. 229 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:18,799 What? 230 00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:21,268 Observe. (clears throat) 231 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,972 I think there's a dynamic quality to the brushwork 232 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,274 that, combined with the fluid composition, 233 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:30,611 creates an almost Kandinsky-like emotional resonance. 234 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:34,381 Yes, and you can still enjoy it 235 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,684 even if you're not a pretentious douche. 236 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:40,220 Can you clarify something for me about your critique? 237 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:43,624 Are the colors "neat" or are they more "neato burrito?" 238 00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,593 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 239 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,028 Uh, then again, red cowboy boots. 240 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:49,029 I pull these off! 241 00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:50,263 (all laugh) 242 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,432 I pull these off! 243 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,802 You know what I hate most about Ted? 244 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,203 What? 245 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,271 His stupid hair. 246 00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,774 His stupid, lame awesome hair. 247 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:03,911 It's so stupid and awesome. 248 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,547 You know what I hate most about Ted? What? 249 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:08,882 How he's always like, 250 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:11,852 "Oh, I want to fall in love and have a relationship. 251 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,087 I care about the people I have sex with." 252 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,522 He's so lame. 253 00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,290 He's so lame and awesome. 254 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,594 You know what he needs? 255 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:21,662 He needs 256 00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,496 to see just how horrible he is 257 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,865 when he's in a relationship. 258 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:28,669 Yeah, and I need to show Ted that I'm over him. 259 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,938 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 260 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,873 I think so. 261 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,075 You're thinking of having sex with Ted? 262 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,280 After four days without selling a single painting, 263 00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:41,615 Lily was getting desperate. 264 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,116 Painting for sale! 265 00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,018 $500! 266 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,121 Lifelong dream hanging in the balance! 267 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,890 It's like 268 00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,925 they don't even see us. 269 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,194 Yeah, we're dirt to them. 270 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,729 What do you need money for? 271 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:58,131 Oh, I'm trying to fix the hardwood floors 272 00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,266 in my new apartment. 273 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:00,367 You? 274 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,002 Heroin. 275 00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,371 Oh. 276 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,339 Do you like heroin? 277 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:07,474 Love it. 278 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,942 In fact, if you sell that, 279 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:11,044 I'm going to take your money and go buy some more heroin. 280 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,948 Thanks for your honesty, Crazy Sock Guy. 281 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,186 Oh, I'm never gonna sell this... 282 00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,387 It's not very good. 283 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,424 And just as she was about to lose all hope, 284 00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:27,160 something amazing happened. 285 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,162 Oh, my God! 286 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,163 Ha! 287 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,431 500 bucks! 288 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,667 Who's a real painter now, Marshall? 289 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,635 Honey, I never said you weren't a real painter. 290 00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:36,870 Oh, I know, sweetie. 291 00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,907 And since I'm a professional artist now, 292 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,843 I'm going to sketch you an Aldrin original, 293 00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,144 you know, to say thanks 294 00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,113 for being such a supportive husband. 295 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:48,248 I'm thinking about calling it... 296 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,050 "Suck It!" 297 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,584 Lily, come on. 298 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,720 I'm proud of you. 299 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:53,787 Who-who bought it? 300 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,422 Well, that's the best part. 301 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,290 A gay couple without kids. 302 00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:58,859 A G-CWOK! 303 00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:00,861 You bagged a G-CWOK?! 304 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,262 Yeah, that's right. 305 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,798 They are the heart and soul of the art-buying community. 306 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:05,999 You know what you should do? 307 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,400 You should call up the G-CWOKs 308 00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:08,568 and offer them a free painting 309 00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:09,937 if they throw a private art party 310 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,371 for all their G-CWOK friends. 311 00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:12,372 That's an amazing idea. 312 00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:14,141 I'm going to go call them. 313 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,610 (gasping): I can probably sell two more paintings with time to spare. 314 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,012 Oh, wait, Marshall. 315 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,613 There was something I had to tell you. 316 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,249 What was it? 317 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:23,450 Oh, that's right. 318 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,885 (singsongy): Suck it. 319 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,593 Hey. 320 00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:36,229 Ted, fancy bumping into you here. 321 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,732 Have you guys met my girlfriend Abby? 322 00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:39,867 Uh, yeah. 323 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,268 Hi, Abby. Hello, 324 00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,736 Abby. So, uh, 325 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,371 s-so you guys are dating now? 326 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:45,405 That's right. 327 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,075 I am done with this whole being awesome thing. 328 00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,409 Now I'm all about farmers' markets 329 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:52,946 and day hikes in matching khaki cargo shorts. 330 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,147 Isn't that right, sweetie? 331 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,015 That's right. 332 00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,449 And girlfriends are lame. 333 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:57,785 Unless they're me. 334 00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,552 I miss you, Ted. 335 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,254 BARNEY: Abby and I 336 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,856 are in love. 337 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,058 Not hot passionate love. 338 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,359 Couple love. 339 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,829 You know, movie night with my girlfriend, 340 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:10,397 then waiting for her to go to bed 341 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:13,466 so I can steal one pitiful moment of hollow ecstasy 342 00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,203 by the cold, blue light of my computer monitor. 343 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,672 We're showing Ted how lame he is. 344 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,142 You don't have to say it, though. 345 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:25,212 Uh, okay, Barney, you can stop. 346 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,213 Stop what, Ted? 347 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,180 Stop being in love? 348 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,681 Next he'll ask us to stop breathing. 349 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,483 (both laughing) 350 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,385 We can't stop breathing, Ted. 351 00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,087 Your hair looks amazing. 352 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:37,657 Um, Barney, I, I see what you're doing. 353 00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:38,826 Please stop. 354 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,127 Not before I share with you 355 00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:43,196 what being in a relationship leads to, Ted. 356 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,197 Abby, 357 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,199 Pookie Bear... 358 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:50,137 I am so pathetically desperate for you that... 359 00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:53,240 aw, heck, I'll just say it. 360 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,444 Will you marry me? 361 00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,579 (gasping): Wait, really? 362 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:02,782 I would never joke about true love. 363 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:04,717 Yes, I'll marry you. 364 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:05,819 Okay. (applause) 365 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:06,854 (laughing) 366 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,890 Thank you, thank you. 367 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,558 I have to call my mom. 368 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,326 (laughs) 369 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:14,962 That's you. 370 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:18,531 Uh, yeah, I don't think Abby knows you're kidding. 371 00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,133 Uh, yes, she does. 372 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,302 It finally happened, Mama. 373 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:25,272 I just wish Daddy were alive to walk me down the aisle. 374 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,541 Totally committed to the bit. 375 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:30,944 Yes, Lily Aldrin. 376 00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,812 I sold you the painting earlier today. 377 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,647 Oh, honey, hello. 378 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:35,949 You sound happy. 379 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:38,218 Are you kidding? We're popping the champagne right now. 380 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:42,155 Well, I just wanted to offer you an exclusive chance 381 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,424 to view some of my other paintings. 382 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:48,661 Oh, honey, oh, sweetie, oh, I guess I should have told you. 383 00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,597 We just bought that for the frame. 384 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,999 What? 385 00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:53,901 Yeah, it's an original Anton Kreutzer, 386 00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,103 a very rare frame from the turn of the century. 387 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:59,839 So... y-you didn't like my painting? 388 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:02,910 Oh, honey, oh, sweetie, no, not at all. 389 00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,277 But you know, 390 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,346 good for you. 391 00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:07,747 Okay. 392 00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,149 Wow. 393 00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:12,886 Well, if you didn't want the painting, can I... 394 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,387 can I at least get it back? 395 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:17,757 Yeah, no, we don't have it anymore. 396 00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:19,392 Where is it? 397 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,294 (inhales sharply) 398 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,897 I see. 399 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,966 H-He threw out my painting. 400 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,836 Champagne for everyone on me, 401 00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:32,405 the happiest guy in the world. 402 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:33,573 (cheering) 403 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,043 Ginger ale. It's a bit. 404 00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,249 This is great. 405 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,384 My dream of becoming an artist is dead, 406 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,653 and now I'm watching my wardrobe disappear 407 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:47,754 piece by piece. 408 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,156 (chimes) 409 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,959 There goes my favorite dress. 410 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,493 This dress meant a lot to me. 411 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,461 Really? 412 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:56,196 Yeah. 413 00:14:56,263 --> 00:15:00,667 It was spring of 2004 and I had been having a hard few months. 414 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:05,338 Day-am. 415 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,741 I got a two-syllable "damn" in this dress. 416 00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,843 A two-syllable "damn." 417 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,013 That's the dream. Yeah. 418 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,747 Now she belongs to... 419 00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:19,552 CanadaGirl@MetroNewsOne.com. 420 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,254 It's still in the family. 421 00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,256 Lily, 422 00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:25,025 you're not going to believe this. 423 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,926 Something amazing happened. What? 424 00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:28,861 I went to the G-CWOK's apartment. 425 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,497 Really? Why? 426 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:31,531 Because I felt guilty. 427 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,433 This auction was my idea 428 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,968 and now you've had to sit around all day 429 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,870 while a bunch of vultures ruthlessly pick apart 430 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,572 the carcass of your wardrobe. 431 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,843 It's still in the family. 432 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,078 And more importantly, 433 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,846 I honestly love that painting 434 00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,515 and I couldn't stand to think of it 435 00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:50,150 in a trashcan someplace. 436 00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:51,651 Well, what happened? 437 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:54,121 Well, hello. 438 00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,256 Hi, um... Lawrence. 439 00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,791 I-I'm here about the painting my wife Lily sold you-- 440 00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,593 the one in the nice frame. 441 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,996 Talk about a nice frame. 442 00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,697 My, my, you are a big one, aren't you? 443 00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:06,633 And you're married to that little bit of a thing. 444 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:07,967 How does that work? 445 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,503 I'd like to find out. 446 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:11,504 Yeah, we get it. 447 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:12,605 Gay guys like you. 448 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,375 No, Lily, they love me, 449 00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:16,343 but that's not the important part. 450 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:19,079 Here's the important part. 451 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,347 Since you're clearly a man 452 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,049 of impeccable taste and style, 453 00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:24,717 I-I came down here to ask you: 454 00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,686 what do you think of the boots? 455 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,522 Walter. 456 00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,726 Boots. 457 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,699 Pulling. 458 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:40,733 Them. 459 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,202 Off. 460 00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:47,607 I'll be in the cab. 461 00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:53,413 G-CWOK-approved. 462 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,581 The painting. 463 00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,983 Right, so, um, they told me they threw it 464 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,285 in the building's Dumpster. 465 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,752 It wasn't in there, 466 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,255 but the super told me that he'd seen one Dr. Greer-- 467 00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:03,690 a veterinarian who works in the building-- 468 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,558 take the painting out of the trash. 469 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:06,726 Dr. Greer? 470 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:09,362 Who's Dr. Greer a-and why did he take my painting? 471 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,364 You're about to find out. 472 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,168 Long story short, I had to make a trash run. 473 00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,837 Been a busy day-- lots of neuterings. 474 00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,172 Ooh, we don't need the details. 475 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:20,607 Oh, n-n-no, it's not what you think. 476 00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,675 Oh, thank God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, mostly just dog testicles. 477 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:23,743 Anyway... 478 00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,246 I noticed your painting 479 00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:27,447 just sitting right there on top 480 00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:30,983 and I thought, "Hey, free painting," 481 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,320 so I brought it upstairs 482 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,322 and hung it up in Exam Room 3, 483 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,324 and then the strangest thing happened. 484 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:40,960 Hey, Muffin. 485 00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,129 (dog growling) 486 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,531 Whoa, I think he remembers me 487 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,399 from the last time he was here. 488 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:47,434 (barks) 489 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,269 Take Muffin to Exam Room 3. 490 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:50,403 I'll meet you there. 491 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,541 I went in, expecting the worst. 492 00:17:56,376 --> 00:18:00,380 I'd never seen Muffin that calm, 493 00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,615 and then a little later the same thing happened again 494 00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,817 with Tidbit... 495 00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:07,954 and King Larry... 496 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,823 and again with the Weinstein triplets. 497 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:16,763 Something about your art speaks to the canine sensibility 498 00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,431 on a very primal level. 499 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:19,632 Really? 500 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:20,833 Dogs like my paintings? 501 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:21,934 Yeah. 502 00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,536 But you know who it bums out? 503 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,671 Birds. 504 00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:25,938 Yeah. 505 00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,106 Had a parrot in there today. 506 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,442 He took one look at it, pried open his cage, 507 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,644 flew right into the ceiling fan. 508 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,017 Anyway, because your first painting worked so well, 509 00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,119 I convinced Dr. Greer to buy four more. 510 00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,121 Really? Mm-hmm, at $500 apiece. 511 00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:43,690 (gasping): That's two grand. 512 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,792 That's more than we need for the contractor. 513 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:48,195 Yeah, but I was actually thinking we could reinvest it. 514 00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,163 In what? In you. 515 00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:54,066 * * 516 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,836 NARRATOR: Marshall explained that he was building a fancy new Web site 517 00:18:56,903 --> 00:19:00,373 specifically to sell Lily's artwork to veterinarians. 518 00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:04,677 Well, it's not exactly the clientele 519 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:05,978 I had in mind, but... 520 00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:08,215 thank you for believing in me. 521 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,051 (wings flapping, bird squawking) 522 00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,287 (thuds) 523 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:17,690 Man, birds do not get you. 524 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,434 (knocking) 525 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,204 Hi, sweetie. Hey, 526 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,972 I think I left my tie here. Have you seen it? 527 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:35,575 No, I'm in wedding-planning mode. 528 00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:37,277 Stressville. Population: me. 529 00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:38,545 Okay, big decision. 530 00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,012 What do you think the cake should be: 531 00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,081 Fudgie the Whale or Cookie Puss? 532 00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:44,384 Yeah, that was a bit. 533 00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:45,952 We were doing a bit. 534 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,287 So I'm thinking Labor Day. 535 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,888 I was going to say Fourth of July, 536 00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,391 but I don't want to steal any attention away from America. 537 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:57,163 Abby, I've... I've got some bad news. 538 00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:00,199 I can't marry you. What? 539 00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,569 Ted begged me not to. 540 00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,103 I think he's in love with you. 541 00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,338 Really? 542 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,940 Yes, our plan worked better than we ever dreamed. 543 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:10,142 You have to go to him. 544 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,545 Here's his home address. 545 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:13,880 But you know what? He works late, 546 00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,416 so I wouldn't go before 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning. 547 00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,217 Oh, my God, thank you. 548 00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,253 But now I feel wrong keeping this. 549 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,255 Oh, yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. 550 00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,591 That's made of candy. 551 00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:25,292 Later.