1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,271 NARRATOR: Kids, back when we were younger, 2 00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:06,040 your Uncle Marshall and I were really into college basketball. 3 00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:09,377 Every year, March Madness would take over the entire apartment. 4 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:11,212 Hey. What's with the blackboard? 5 00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:12,713 It's our NCAA bracket. 6 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:15,349 Big board equals big luck! 7 00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:16,717 Hey, that looks familiar. 8 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,719 Where did you get it? 9 00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:21,622 Hello. 10 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,291 Uh, I'm looking for my wife, Ms. Aldrin. 11 00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:25,493 There's no school today. It's Saturday. 12 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,428 (sighs) Of course. How could I forget? 13 00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:28,562 (laughs) 14 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,531 Dumb ass. 15 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:40,408 Big board! 16 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,742 Big luck! 17 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,577 We found it. No big deal. 18 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:44,445 Anyway, 19 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,114 every year, Ted and I go in together 20 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:47,915 on this big money pool out in Staten Island. 21 00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,150 TED: Yeah. The winner gets 22 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,352 $100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag. 23 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:54,222 And you get to keep the duffel bag. 24 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,257 Why do you guys put yourselves through this? 25 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,591 You lose every year. 26 00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:58,592 TED: That's because 27 00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,528 in the past, we were just guessing. 28 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,196 This year, we watched every game, 29 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,397 read box scores, tracked injuries. 30 00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:04,732 This isn't March Madness. 31 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:08,236 This is March Meticulously Thought-outness. 32 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,171 Your team lost 20 minutes ago. 33 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:15,109 I didn't know they were playing today. 34 00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,677 (sighs) 35 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:17,945 You okay, Barney? 36 00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:20,214 Something strange is going on. 37 00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:22,250 I was down at the hardware store 38 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,517 trying to get a little somethin' somethin'. 39 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,319 Wait. You go to the hardware store 40 00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:26,520 to pick up girls? 41 00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:28,088 There are four kinds of women 42 00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:29,923 who go to the hardware store by themselves. 43 00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:31,259 Of course there are. 44 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:34,895 Single, recently single, recently divorced, 45 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,997 lesbian who will let me watch. 46 00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,666 You could not be more evil. 47 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:39,967 Sorry. Five. 48 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,535 Recently widowed. Mm. 49 00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,572 So, I'm talking to this girl... 50 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,375 Look, I'm sure he's in a better place. 51 00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:50,344 Now let's find you a sturdier ladder. 52 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,315 I was only gone for a second when... 53 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,584 See? Skid-proof. 54 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:02,223 The same thing happened at the pet store yesterday. 55 00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:03,357 Pet store? 56 00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:04,525 Single girl, mid-twenties, 57 00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:05,993 looking for a canine replacement 58 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,795 for the boyfriend who just dumped her. 59 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:08,962 Instead, finds Barney. 60 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,331 God bless you, Ted. 61 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:11,765 You're reading my blog. 62 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,369 I'm really bored at work. 63 00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:16,970 I'd call your ex a dog, 64 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,740 but that would be an insult to little Ladybug here. 65 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,709 Oh, I want to take her home right now. 66 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:25,279 Not without a chew toy from Uncle Barney first. 67 00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,047 (laughing) Okay. 68 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,816 BARNEY: And when I got back... 69 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,652 I'm sorry, I'm already spoiling her, but 70 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,521 Diamond in the ruff? 71 00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,055 Could your heart just melt? 72 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,857 Jerk! 73 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,158 (muffled) Okay. 74 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,960 Weird, right? 75 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,163 Yeah. The same thing happened last week at the museum. 76 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:44,732 ALL: Ooh, ooh, ooh! Lily. 77 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,834 You pretend to be a struggling young artist 78 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,101 who needs a new muse. 79 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,102 No. MARSHALL: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. 80 00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:50,271 Marsh. You're a millionaire art thief 81 00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,405 casing the joint for a thrill 82 00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:52,706 money can no longer give you! 83 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:53,841 Oh. No. 84 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:54,942 Robin. 85 00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,210 You're going blind, 86 00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,178 and you're trying to soak up all the beauty 87 00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,747 in the world before the darkness descends. 88 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,315 Bingo! (groaning) 89 00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:03,150 So, I was talking to this girl. 90 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,653 At this point, about 83%. 91 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:09,623 Soon, these audio guides will be all that I have left. 92 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,559 I'm so sorry. 93 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,196 My God, you are beautiful. 94 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,931 Oh. Hey. 95 00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,700 How about I get you a headset 96 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:22,236 so you can see with your ears like I do? 97 00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:23,971 Uh... 98 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,105 Aah! 99 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,274 I'm s... 100 00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,708 Aah! I... 101 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,544 I couldn't have been gone more than 20 seconds, 102 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:31,812 but when I came back... 103 00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:35,249 Hmm. You know, I also love the sme of great art. 104 00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:37,285 (groans) 105 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,953 Why does this keep happening? 106 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,456 Maybe you're not as good a liar as you think you are. 107 00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:43,657 Hmm. 108 00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:44,692 Oh, really? 109 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,627 Then why am I not in prison for perjury? 110 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,296 But I don't want to talk about work. 111 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,097 Something 112 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,199 weird is going on here. 113 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:55,002 NARRATOR: But the next night got even weirder. 114 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,338 Alan Alda. 115 00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:58,639 It was Alan Alda. 116 00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,608 You never gonna believe what just happened. 117 00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:05,212 Who was that, um, guy from Mash? 118 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,447 The main guy. What...? 119 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,681 Hawkeye from Mash. 120 00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,717 How can I be blanking on this? 121 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,851 Alan Alda? 122 00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,420 No. 123 00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:17,558 WOMAN: Hey, a word of advice? 124 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,960 That guy you were talking to, Barney Stinson-- 125 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,462 I know he seems charming, 126 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,297 but he's just saying whatever it takes 127 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,698 to get in your pants. 128 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:27,335 Sleeping with Barney was the biggest mistake of my life. 129 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:31,872 Oh, my God. Where is she? 130 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,542 Oh. 131 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,344 She must have left. She... 132 00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:38,479 Well, she-she said I hooked up with her? 133 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,047 What was her name? What did she look like? 134 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,183 She didn't say her name, but she had blonde hair, boobs. 135 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,918 Kind of trashy. 136 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,921 Dead in the eyes with an aura of self-loathing and despair? 137 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,823 Yes! That's all of them. 138 00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,725 Okay. Stay calm. 139 00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:52,893 Let's think this through. 140 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,562 One of the girls 141 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,497 who I lied to, seduced and abandoned 142 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:57,998 is trying to ruin my life. 143 00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,934 Shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one it is. 144 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,803 (mumbling) 145 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,514 Oh, dear God! 146 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:29,697 This is a nightmare. 147 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,331 Some woman that I slept with 148 00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,467 and screwed over is trying to ruin my life. 149 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:35,168 God, why is this happening to me? 150 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,169 It's karma. 151 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,605 Nah, it's not Karma. 152 00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,840 She's stripping in Vegas. 153 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,509 Plus, we're good. 154 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,276 TED: Look, if you want to figure out 155 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,846 who it is, why don't you just start by checking your list? 156 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,080 My list? 157 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,683 Dude, do not pretend you're not the kind of guy 158 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:52,319 who keeps a list of all the girls he's slept with. 159 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,621 I have one. 160 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:57,090 It's called my marriage license. 161 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:59,059 Come on, let's see the list. 162 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,061 Ted, don't be crass. 163 00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,062 I would never 164 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,397 demean the women 165 00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:05,399 that I've slept with by putting their names 166 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:06,934 on some tawdry list. 167 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:07,935 This is a scrapbook 168 00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,803 of all of the women I've slept with. 169 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,905 I made it at the Scrapbook Barn on 7th. 170 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,907 Ask for Heloise. Tell her I sent you. 171 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:15,175 (quietly) Ugh! 172 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,444 What do you think, Lil? 173 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,479 You recognize the saboteur? 174 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,880 I don't know, Barney. 175 00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,214 I only saw her face. 176 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,616 (laughs) How many 177 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,117 of these girls know they're being photographed? 178 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:27,387 All of them, but only about half buy a copy on the way out. 179 00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,590 Oh, Barney, you're never gonna figure out 180 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,692 which one of these is the mystery woman. 181 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,361 All of these women have a right to hate you. 182 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,729 Oh, Lily, come on, lighten up. 183 00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:38,331 I mean, any girl who's gonna be with a guy like Barney 184 00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:41,001 and do this or that, 185 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,002 or this and that, 186 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:43,771 or do this with those in that... 187 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:46,440 Hmm. I mean, she should have known what she was getting into. 188 00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,442 Absolutely. Mm. 189 00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,878 And what I do with these women 190 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,313 should be between me and them. 191 00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,382 And you guys. 192 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,984 And Heloise. 193 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:59,019 She helped me do the decoupage. Hmm. 194 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,287 I don't know, Barney. 195 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,189 I don't recognize any of these women. 196 00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,292 I mean, some minor celebrities, one government official, 197 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:09,029 and what appears to be a national fast food chain mascot. 198 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:11,131 Oh. 199 00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,299 This is impossible. 200 00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:13,567 There's too many girls. 201 00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,903 How the hell am I gonna narrow this down? 202 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,205 The top 64 women I've slept with, 203 00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:19,473 split into four regions. 204 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:20,474 This tournament 205 00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:21,642 will systematically narrow down 206 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:24,111 which girl has the most cause to hate my guts. 207 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,246 Last girl standing has to be the saboteur. 208 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,414 Absolutely not, Barney. 209 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,216 We are not going to make a game 210 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,719 out of the women you've tricked into sleeping with you. 211 00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,157 (all talking at once) No way! 212 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,493 The girl who thought he had 12 hours to live 213 00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:41,328 has way more cause to ruin his life 214 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:42,796 than the girl he fake proposed to. 215 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,898 It's fake proposal girl. 216 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:47,200 I mean, she hired a wedding planner! 217 00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:49,670 It's 12 hours to live! That girl flew them both to Paris! 218 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,438 Oh, she only bought him a one-way ticket! 219 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,606 (all talking at once) 220 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,875 Okay, okay, everybody! Hands. 221 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,309 MARSHALL, TED & LILY: 12 hours to live! 222 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,078 Damn it! Yeah. 223 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,480 Okay, toss up. 224 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:01,915 "Thought I was Jorge Posada," 225 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,917 or "You have my dead wife's kidney?" 226 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,986 Kidney! Jorge Posada! 227 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,556 She bought Yankees season tickets to watch him play! 228 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,457 That's true... It's "Dead wife's kidney." 229 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,225 How are we even discussing this? 230 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,828 Fake baby! Lost at sea! 231 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,597 Fake baby! Lost at sea! 232 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:18,165 I was there. 233 00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:19,600 Trust me. 234 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,702 It's fake baby. 235 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,104 Down to the sweet 16. 236 00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,940 And coming out of the Upper West Side, we have 237 00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:29,176 the number three seed, "Girl who thought I owned Google," 238 00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,210 up against the number 239 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,478 seven seed, 240 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,513 "Girl who thought I was a scuba instructor." 241 00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,215 You got to go scuba instructor. 242 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,116 You're kidding me! 243 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,350 She got the bends! 244 00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:39,419 Yeah, she did. 245 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,521 Boo. 246 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:43,724 Evil twin! 247 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:44,992 Prince of Norway! 248 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,260 How could it not be Prince of Norway?! 249 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:48,729 Barney, you're the tiebreaker. 250 00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,463 I'm going with Evil Twin. 251 00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:51,965 (all talking) You're kidding me! 252 00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,434 Sorry, but I did sleep with that girl twice. 253 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,004 As Barney and Larney. 254 00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:04,544 Okay, we're down to the Final Four. 255 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,513 What do you think, people? 256 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,115 Come on, dig deep. 257 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,516 Oh! I can't decide. 258 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,484 It could be any one of them. 259 00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:14,688 Is that the blackboard from my classroom? 260 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,624 Come on! Marshall? 261 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,492 I'm tired and sad. 262 00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:20,994 Mosby? 263 00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:22,996 (voice breaking): I want to call my mom, 264 00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:25,899 just tell her I love her. 265 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,769 Okay. 266 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,771 Then this is as far as we get. 267 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,673 The Final Four. 268 00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:35,508 It's got to be Meg, Anna, 269 00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,044 Kate or Holly. 270 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,912 We are gonna track these girls down, 271 00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:40,614 and you're going to tell me 272 00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,449 which one approached you at the bar. 273 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:45,585 You guys stole my blackboard! 274 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,727 Okay, there's her building. 275 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,295 When she comes out, I'm gonna hide, 276 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,864 and once you figure out if she's the girl 277 00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,198 from the bar, we run like hell. 278 00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,266 No. 279 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,600 What do you mean, no? 280 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:01,902 That woman, like every woman 281 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,771 in your Final Four, deserves an apology, 282 00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,039 and I'm not telling you if she's the one 283 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,075 until I hear you say, "I'm sorry." 284 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,678 Are you nuts? That would involve me speaking to a woman 285 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,212 I've already had sex with, which, frankly, 286 00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:15,115 is a little bit like changing the oil in a rental car. 287 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,349 Ugh! 288 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:18,251 Barney, you're doing this. 289 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,486 Lily, this girl hates me. 290 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,354 I hooked up with her in an apartment 291 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,823 I was pretending was my own, 292 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,092 told her I loved her, and then ditched her there. 293 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,259 She got arrested for trespassing, 294 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,663 bit a cop, and spent eight days in jail. 295 00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:31,999 Oh, crap, there she is! 296 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,034 If she sees me, she's gonna kill me! 297 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,703 Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Hey, Meg! 298 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:36,770 Over here! 299 00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:37,971 Look who it is! 300 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:40,273 Your old friend Barney! 301 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,014 Barney? 302 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,949 If she kills me, I want you to go into my apartment, 303 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,517 grab the metal briefcase under my bed 304 00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,285 and throw it in the East River. 305 00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,620 What are you doing here? 306 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,489 Look, Meg, we need to talk. Shh. 307 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,258 It was all my fault. 308 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,729 I know it was, baby. 309 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,731 I just came on too strong. 310 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:06,233 And I forgive you. 311 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,035 I love you. 312 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,369 Oh, my God! 313 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,670 I love you, too! 314 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,040 No! 315 00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,507 What's the matter with you? 316 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,009 Get off of him! 317 00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:18,712 Look, she's not the one, 318 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,013 but you still owe her an apol... 319 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,590 So you remember who this one is, right? Yes. 320 00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,692 You told her you were Ted and that you were an architect. 321 00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:33,994 Right, and if you recall, 322 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,730 her computer had a web cam and a T-1 line, so I... 323 00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:38,398 Yeah, I know, Barney, you showed me. 324 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,400 And that still doesn't count as a Christmas present. 325 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,571 So go over there and apologize. 326 00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,907 Ah, there she is. Ooh, 327 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,008 and she's holding hot coffee. 328 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,709 Maybe she'll throw it in your face. 329 00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,411 You're really enjoying this, aren't you? 330 00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:53,046 I'm making a scrapbook. 331 00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:58,351 Anna, hi. 332 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:01,521 Look who it is, Mr. Big Shot Architect. 333 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,124 If you're here to ask me to take down the Web site, forget it. 334 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,425 What Web site? 335 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,494 Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com. 336 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:12,632 You're right, I do deserve that. 337 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,334 That's all I came here to say. 338 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,636 You know what? 339 00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:18,605 I don't care who knows about it. 340 00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,908 Excuse me. Excuse me. 341 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,710 I, Ted Mosby, 342 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,846 am a jerk to women. 343 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,916 Tell your sisters. Tell your daughters 344 00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,084 to stay away! 345 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:36,523 Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com. 346 00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:39,827 NARRATOR: And that little Web site went on to get 400,000 hits. 347 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,995 Thanks, Barney. Anyway... 348 00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:48,768 Okay, which one is this again? She's... 349 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,004 Larney! 350 00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:52,539 Die! 351 00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:54,241 Is it her? 352 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,508 Die! Smile. 353 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,777 (grunting) You look good. 354 00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:01,114 Have you lost weight? 355 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:07,454 We're down to the number one seed. 356 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,889 I knew it was Holly. 357 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,323 It had to be Holly. 358 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:13,026 Man, I was hoping it wasn't Holly. 359 00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,998 (car door slams, engine starts) 360 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:21,568 Barney, did you hear that? 361 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,036 Somebody's stealing my truck. 362 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,374 Barney? 363 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:28,475 (car leaving) 364 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,643 Barney! 365 00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:32,379 (puma growling) 366 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,314 (shrieking) 367 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,518 That is the worst thing you've ever done. 368 00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,954 That's the worst thing anyone has ever done. 369 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,156 But in my defense, 370 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,425 she was kind of annoying. 371 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,262 She's gonna kill you. 372 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,532 Barney. Holly. 373 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,202 Mark, come over here. 374 00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,839 Barney, this is my fiancé, Mark. 375 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,275 Barney? 376 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,611 You're the Barney who ditched her in the woods? 377 00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:07,580 (laughs) 378 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,750 So you're not mad at Barney? 379 00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,152 Don't you want an apology? 380 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,054 An admission of guilt? 381 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:16,323 Your truck back? 382 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,959 No, whatever happened was in the past. 383 00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:21,094 Mark is my present and my future. 384 00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:23,363 MARK: And if you ditching Holly in the woods 385 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,899 made her stop running around with guys like you, 386 00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:27,500 then cheers. 387 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:29,970 Well then, 388 00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:31,471 to the last Fourth of July weekend 389 00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:33,907 I'll spend getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. 390 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:36,676 Fourth of July? 391 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,046 We started dating in June. 392 00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,185 We ruined their lives. 393 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,954 And the worst part of it 394 00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:49,622 is that you didn't apologize to any of those women. 395 00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:50,790 No, the worst part is that 396 00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,659 we still have no idea who my stalker is. 397 00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:55,295 Well, that's because you're going about this all wrong. 398 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,564 I mean, why chase someone who's following you? 399 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:58,831 All you need to do 400 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,733 is go down to the bar, hit on someone, 401 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,002 and wait until she turns up. 402 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,837 That's not a bad idea. 403 00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:07,607 Ooh, ooh, I'll pretend to be the girl that you're hitting on. 404 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,776 I don't know. That's a lot riding on a girl 405 00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:10,978 who giggles when she lies. 406 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,312 I do not. 407 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,447 Have you ever fallen asleep while eating ribs? 408 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:15,983 (giggles): No. 409 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,520 Look, I can do this, okay? 410 00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,155 I mean, how else are you going to find out 411 00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:23,390 who this girl is. 412 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,125 I'm in. 413 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,027 Okay, here's how it's gonna work. 414 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,195 Now, Lily, 415 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:30,263 she knows what you look like, 416 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:31,864 so just hang out at the jukebox, 417 00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:34,167 and don't draw any attention to yourself. 418 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,740 And the guys will be in the booth, 419 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,376 just pretending to have a normal conversation. 420 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,546 Talking, we should be talking. Words. 421 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,647 Here are words. 422 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,482 Why is this so hard? 423 00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:50,750 (laughing) 424 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,052 Laughter! 425 00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,820 And then I'll come in, 426 00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,722 looking hot as all hell. 427 00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:01,961 Wow, you are gorgeous. 428 00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:04,331 Oh, God, I know that's awful. 429 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:05,432 I just, uh.... Shh, go away. 430 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,335 But come back later. 431 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:13,973 And then Barney will make his move. 432 00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:16,076 Hey, there, how are you doing? 433 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,410 Fine, Barney. 434 00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:18,645 I mean, um, 435 00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:19,779 fine, stranger. 436 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,015 (giggles) 437 00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,317 Wow, you really are awful at this, aren't you? 438 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,253 Get your hand 439 00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:27,254 off my thigh, Barney. 440 00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,255 It's supposed to look like 441 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,023 we're about to hook up, Robin. 442 00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:32,125 You know I'm curious. 443 00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:33,426 What do you say to these girls 444 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:34,761 to get them to come home with you? 445 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,030 Usually I just 446 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:39,332 lean in and whisper this one thing in their ear. 447 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,510 You're a little turned on right now, aren't you? 448 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,212 (giggles): No. 449 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,449 Oh. Look, somebody's watching us. 450 00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:57,650 Make your move to the bathroom. 451 00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,686 Uh, I'm going to go to the bathroom now, 452 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,489 but, uh, when I come back we'll go to my place 453 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,357 and have sex. 454 00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,462 TED: Dude, dude, dude, look. 455 00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:12,365 Blonde girl heading over to Robin right now. We are go. 456 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,334 I don't know what to do with my hands. 457 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,536 What do I normally do with my hands? 458 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,174 Barney. 459 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,642 I brought a copy of the bracket. 460 00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:23,676 Which one is she? 461 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,847 I don't recognize her. 462 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,016 She's not on the Top 64. 463 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,651 Not even on bracket. 464 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,353 Wow, Cinderella story 465 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,054 comes out of nowhere to win the whole thing. 466 00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,089 That'll warm your heart. 467 00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:38,425 Are you okay? 468 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:40,527 I don't even recognize her. 469 00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,830 Hey. 470 00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:46,699 I don't remember you. 471 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,035 I've spent the last two days trying to remember 472 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,804 every girl that I've slept with and all the horrible things 473 00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:53,005 that I have done to them. 474 00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:55,074 And I have done some horrible things. 475 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,409 I mean, 476 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:59,078 at one point, I'm pretty sure I sold a woman. 477 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:01,681 I didn't speak the language, 478 00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:04,217 but I shook a guy's hand, he gave me 479 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,085 the keys to a Mercedes, and I left her there. 480 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,022 I'm the guy who keeps a scrapbook 481 00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,491 of all of the women I have slept with, 482 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,293 but I never thought I was the guy 483 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,962 who would sleep with a girl and not even remember her. 484 00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,430 So from the bottom of my heart, 485 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,065 for whatever I did to you, 486 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,601 I apologize. 487 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:22,835 Oh, Barney! 488 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:26,072 Oh, I'm so proud of you. 489 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,374 That's not her. 490 00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:30,210 I'm so sorry. What? What? 491 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,412 Barney, I'm sorry, that's my friend Sally from work. 492 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,013 We just ran into each other. 493 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,849 So I apologized for nothing? 494 00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,685 Yes, but it was a great apology. 495 00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,221 And a perfect way to end my scrapbook. 496 00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:44,357 I'm going to call this photo "Barney's Redemption." 497 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,228 Could you stop giving me the finger? 498 00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:51,631 * That one shining moment 499 00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:54,434 * You reached for the sky 500 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:59,472 * One shining moment you knew 501 00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,674 * One shining moment 502 00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:04,143 * You were willing to try 503 00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:07,046 * One shining moment 504 00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,948 NARRATOR: Eventually, Barney did figure out 505 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,517 who the mysterious girl was. 506 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,619 But more on that later. 507 00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,225 (light airy music playing) 508 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:49,222 Barney, come back to bed. 509 00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:51,524 You have a shuttle launch tomorrow. 510 00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:54,494 And that asteroid that's headed for Manhattan, 511 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,963 it's not going to destroy itself.