1 00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:05,073 NARRATOR: Kids, sometimes in life you see someone 2 00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:06,674 and you just instantly know 3 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,042 this is the person for you. 4 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,477 It can happen anywhere. 5 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,913 Even the waiting room of a tattoo removal clinic. 6 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,548 And that's what happened when I met... 7 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,551 ...Stella. 8 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,225 Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp. 9 00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:25,859 My bread and butter. 10 00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,561 So I'm guessing that the real story 11 00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,330 involves a bad breakup and some booze. 12 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,698 Unless it's a gang tattoo, 13 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,167 in which case, I think it's time to find a new gang. 14 00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:34,635 No, I just thought it would be cool 15 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,736 to get a caterpillar tattoo, 16 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,671 and then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden... 17 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,440 (laughing) 18 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,742 Well, I can get rid of it in ten one-hour sessions, 19 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,345 but, I should warn you, laser surgery's very painful. 20 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:45,913 Well, I think you'll find 21 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,715 I have a very high tolerance for pain. 22 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,084 Just last night, I sat through the worst movie ever made. 23 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,452 Oh, Plan 9 From Outer Space? 24 00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:55,623 No, the worst movie-- Manos: Hands of Fate. 25 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,258 Uh, I'm a doctor, went to medical school. 26 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,992 It's Plan 9. If you don't believe me, 27 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,394 it's playing down at the Pamela Theater. 28 00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,430 Uh-huh. I don't believe you, Doctor. 29 00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:05,133 Well, what are you doing tonight? 30 00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,837 Hello. 31 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,472 Hey, Ted. Hey. 32 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:13,274 Hey, put that away. Tonight's on me. 33 00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:14,808 Oh, no, no, don't... 34 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:15,876 Come on, I insist. 35 00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:17,478 That's so nice. Thank you. 36 00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,079 Hey, guys, this is my friend Ted. 37 00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,214 He wants to pay. 38 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:22,316 Oh, wow. Oh, yay. Wow, thank you. 39 00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,785 One, two, three, four. 40 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,291 Is something wrong? 41 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:32,260 No, it's just, um... 42 00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:33,961 I'm just a little embarrassed. 43 00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,596 I thought this was a date. 44 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,265 But it's no big deal. 45 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,467 Don't worry about it. 46 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,834 What's wrong? 47 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:44,305 Ted's embarrassed-- he thought this was a date. 48 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:46,707 Ted thought this was a date. 49 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:49,009 Stella, did you know Ted thought this was a date? 50 00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:50,844 What? I'm not allowed to date a patient. 51 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,012 It's an AMA rule. 52 00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,113 She's not allowed to date patients. 53 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,182 It's an AMA rule. 54 00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,283 She's not allowed to date patients. 55 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:56,817 It's an AMA rule. 56 00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:57,951 She's not allowed to date... 57 00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,920 Yeah, I got it. 58 00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,155 MAN: We all got it. 59 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,923 Ted's a schmuck. 60 00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,825 (laughter) 61 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,139 (laughing) 62 00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:21,242 And you bought all the tickets. Yeah, yeah. 63 00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:23,344 Hey, you were right. 64 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:26,547 Worst moviegoing experience ever. 65 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,716 Of course, it had nothing to do with the movie. 66 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,018 I am so sorry that you thought that was a date. 67 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,353 No, it's fine. 68 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:34,655 I got to hang out with you on girls' night out. 69 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,824 All right, so if you're not allowed to date a patient, 70 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,560 I'll just... I'll wait until these ten session are up 71 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,128 and then I'll ask you out then. 72 00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,096 Well, then, fair warning: 73 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,732 I'm going to say no. 74 00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,934 Really? I'm getting mixed signals from you. 75 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,170 I feel like you've been staring at my ass for quite some time. 76 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,973 What, you're married? No. 77 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:53,974 Boyfriend? No. 78 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,142 Lesbian? No. 79 00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,177 Only date black guys? No. 80 00:02:57,245 --> 00:03:00,314 And yet you can say with absolute confidence 81 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:03,183 that ten weeks from now, if I ask you out on a date, 82 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:04,385 your answer will be... 83 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:05,986 No. 84 00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:07,988 No... Hmm. 85 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:09,690 What could she mean 86 00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,260 when she says no? 87 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,761 I don't know, 88 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:14,995 it is totally cryptic. 89 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:17,097 This is far from over. 90 00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:18,566 We're talking ten weeks from now. 91 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,468 Who knows what she'll want then? 92 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,569 Do you know what you're going to want 93 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:22,636 for lunch ten weeks from now? 94 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,938 Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail and a milk shake. 95 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:27,775 Ted, do you know how long it takes a woman 96 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,810 to decide whether or not she's going to sleep with a guy? 97 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,078 8.3 seconds. 98 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,112 After that, 99 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:33,180 her decision is made. 100 00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:34,315 She will not change her mind. 101 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:35,483 That's ridiculous. 102 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:36,584 Is it? 103 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,952 Describe your first 8.3 seconds with Stella. 104 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:41,722 Lower back butterfly tattoo-- 105 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,757 you're up. 106 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,327 (patients snickering) 107 00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,595 (all groaning) 108 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,397 So we got off to a rocky start. 109 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,465 That may be a problem for some guys, 110 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,166 but I get better over time. Right? 111 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,135 I'm not some Top 40 song-- 112 00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,604 easily digestible. 113 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,038 I'm complex. 114 00:03:58,105 --> 00:04:01,108 I require time and multiple listens. 115 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,810 I'm "Stairway to Heaven." 116 00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:06,847 Wow, Roger Daltrey just rolled over in his grave. 117 00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,951 That's not the right guy, is it? 118 00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:15,088 He's not even dead, is he? 119 00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,524 I think that's great, Ted. 120 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,359 You can do whatever you set your mind to. 121 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,227 In fact, you've inspired me. 122 00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,630 I'm going to stop biting my nails. 123 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,532 But, baby, you love biting your nails. 124 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,467 I know, but I'm doing this for Ted. 125 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,502 Hmm. 126 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,871 God, this is really hard. 127 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:33,407 Give me ten sessions, 128 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,008 I'm going to turn that "no" into a "yes." 129 00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,009 Really, Ted? Mm-hmm. 130 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,044 You think so? Mmm. 131 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,780 Well, tell me, how did the rest of that session go? 132 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:42,182 This is going to hurt a little. 133 00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:44,217 Yeah, well, I can handle pain. 134 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,887 This one time I was playing tennis, and... 135 00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,822 (high-pitched screaming) 136 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:54,161 Yeah, but tattoo removal really hurts. 137 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,430 Everyone probably sounds like that. 138 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,798 Doctor, are you all right? 139 00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,567 I heard a woman screaming in here. 140 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,669 Oh. 141 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:08,476 (laughing) 142 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,978 Here's to nine more great sessions. 143 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,580 (laughter continues) 144 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,551 NARRATOR: And so the weeks went by. 145 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:20,087 The second session I told her about how I spent a summer 146 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,822 working with inner-city kids. 147 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:25,292 The third session we both spoke nothing but French. 148 00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:28,195 The fourth session I made her laugh so hard 149 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,030 she fell out of her chair. 150 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,765 (laughing) 151 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,402 So by the time the fifth session came around... 152 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:35,603 Still no. 153 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,271 Still no. 154 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,507 What's up with that? 155 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,108 I mean, I juggled. 156 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,543 You juggled? 157 00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:44,978 I thought you were trying to impress her. 158 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,346 You do magic. 159 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,081 How is juggling any lamer than magic? 160 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,483 Magic's not lame. 161 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,984 I don't get it. I mean... 162 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,420 Is this lame? 163 00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,722 (screams) Oh, Barney, no, no. 164 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:57,324 We said no fireballs at the table. 165 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,959 What the hell is wrong with you? 166 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,193 There's alcohol in here. 167 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,228 Barney... I... 168 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,430 We've talked about this. 169 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,497 It's a fire code violation. 170 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,666 Yeah, but Ted provoked me. 171 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,100 No, no, you are on a time-out. 172 00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,068 Go sit over there. 173 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,703 But... Go! 174 00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,241 Anyway... I don't get it. 175 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,776 She should be into me by now. 176 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,511 You know, you can do this, Ted. 177 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,212 I said that I would stop biting my nails, 178 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,148 and kablam-ey. 179 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,716 It's just a challenge. 180 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,151 It can't be easy to woo someone 181 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,954 while you're sticking your naked butt in their face. 182 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,656 Works for baboons. 183 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,160 It's called "presenting." 184 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,695 I got four sessions left. 185 00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,864 Ther-There's got to be an angle I'm not seeing. 186 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,132 You can't turn a "no" into a "yes," Ted. 187 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,167 Can't be done. 188 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,301 I don't know, Barney. 189 00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,203 I mean, sometimes persistence pays off. 190 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,171 I said "yes" eventually. 191 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,539 No, you didn't. 192 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,074 You were like, "No, we can't, we're friends. 193 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,042 It would mess up the dynamic of the group." 194 00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,444 To Ted. 195 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:51,845 Oh, right. 196 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:52,880 Wait a second. 197 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,582 Wait a second, I got the angle. 198 00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,383 Sir, please don't yell at me, 199 00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,384 because when people yell at me, 200 00:06:57,451 --> 00:06:59,620 I have a tendency to start crying. 201 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,755 Please don't do it. 202 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,423 Abby, I've told you before. Please. 203 00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,092 When they're rude to you, hang up the phone. 204 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,027 ...how difficult it is for me to... Go on, 205 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,395 you can do this, hang up. 206 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:09,797 Abby, 207 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:10,698 hang it up. 208 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:14,134 I am too busy to waste my time... 209 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,137 I'm sorry, I just wish 210 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:19,540 that some of the patients would be nicer to you. 211 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,208 The receptionist. 212 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,209 That's my way in. 213 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,310 I like this. 214 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,012 Seduce the receptionist. 215 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,379 That's a great plan. 216 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,715 That's not the plan. 217 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,316 And how would that help me with Stella? 218 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:30,951 Who? 219 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,953 Here's the plan. 220 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,222 (whistles) 221 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,257 Hi. Here. 222 00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,526 I stopped-- 223 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:43,997 Hi, I stopped for coffee 224 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,866 and I... and I thought I'd grab you something. 225 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,101 Oh, wow, thank you, that's so nice. 226 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,102 You're like a knight. 227 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,739 I should call you Sir Ted. 228 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,640 What? 229 00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:53,941 Nothing. Nothing. 230 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,409 (laughing nervously): It's really stupid. 231 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,311 Um, Dr. Zinman, Ted's here. 232 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,247 Thanks. Thanks, Abby. 233 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,318 And now we wait. 234 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,720 And sure enough, 235 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:09,456 by session seven, she saw me in a whole new light. 236 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:12,259 Okay, I'm about to break my big rule here. 237 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,460 Break it. 238 00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,529 Okay. 239 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:16,797 Abby goes bowling 240 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,532 with her church group every Wednesday night... 241 00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,902 Mm-hmm. ...and she really wanted to invite you, but she's too shy. 242 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:24,037 (clicks tongue) 243 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,238 Abby is...? 244 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,075 My receptionist. 245 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,810 You really made quite an impression on her 246 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,178 with the coffee the other day. 247 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,280 I mean, she has really not stopped talking about you. 248 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,616 Oh, Abby. 249 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,818 I thought you said "Alan." 250 00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:40,854 But you just said, "Abby is...?" 251 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,389 Right. 252 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,592 Right, I thought I said "Alan." 253 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,159 Who's Alan? 254 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,696 Who's Abby? 255 00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,964 My receptionist. 256 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,001 Exactly. 257 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,738 What is happening? 258 00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,239 (groaning): Ted. 259 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,575 You just got to be yourself, no more gimmicks. 260 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,644 You're right, no more gimmicks. 261 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:04,912 One more gimmick. 262 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,614 TED: You know what's on her shelf? 263 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,016 That self-help book The Power of Me. 264 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,051 (all groaning) I know, I know, but I thought 265 00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:13,987 if I read it, maybe we'd have something new to talk about. 266 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,623 (all groaning) 267 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:16,924 It's actually a great book. 268 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,292 It taught me the power of complete memory. 269 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,560 Can I borrow your copy? 270 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,630 I left it somewhere. 271 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,097 I forget. 272 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:28,168 Hi. 273 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,603 Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. 274 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:33,841 Hi, Ted. I'll let her know. 275 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,611 Telepathically? 276 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,279 (laughing): That's funny. 277 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:40,313 That's funny, smart, and great. 278 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,785 I am so sorry that I am late. 279 00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,453 I have, like, two minutes for lunch everyday. 280 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:47,888 It's crazy. Yeah, I understand. 281 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:50,724 I was just, uh, checking out the old bookshelf here. 282 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,626 I see you've read The Power of Me. 283 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,995 It's funny... What? Oh, no. 284 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,898 No, no, no, no, no, I would never read that piece of crap. 285 00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,033 Some patient left it here. 286 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:00,934 Oh, thank God. 287 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,335 (chuckling): I couldn't agree more. 288 00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,704 That's total crap. 289 00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:05,305 I see people reading that on the subway 290 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,574 and I just want to shout, "Get a life, people!" 291 00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,309 Ted, I found your book. 292 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,377 What? 293 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,378 Your book The Power of Me. 294 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,046 I think you accidentally dropped it in the garbage. 295 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,214 What? No, that's... that's not mine. 296 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,615 I've never seen that before in my life. 297 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,651 No, you were reading it in the lobby. 298 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:19,386 Wha-- no, you have me confused with someone else. 299 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,220 No, no, look right here. 300 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,656 "From the personal library of Ted Mosby." 301 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,391 That's you. 302 00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:29,096 Ted, I hate to say this, 303 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:32,065 but I think it's "nail the receptionist" time. 304 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,767 I'm not gonna nail the receptionist. 305 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,736 Ted, every little boy wants to grow up 306 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,504 to nail the doctor or the lawyer. 307 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:40,140 Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist. 308 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,909 No. I like Stella. 309 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,610 Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, Ted. 310 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,446 Your little Stella is not so perfect. 311 00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,280 What do you mean? 312 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,849 I went down there 313 00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,118 and checked her out for myself. 314 00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,252 Yeah. 315 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,788 And while I was down there, 316 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,057 I discovered that she had a secret, 317 00:10:57,124 --> 00:11:01,194 a terrible... terrible secret. 318 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,362 What? 319 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,663 What is it? 320 00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,434 Hold on, I gotta pee. 321 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,275 Okay, I'm back. 322 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,944 What's going on at work? 323 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,478 What's the big secret?! 324 00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:19,813 Oh. Oh, right. 325 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,715 Hi, I'd like to see Dr. Zinman, please. 326 00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:22,816 Sure, what's it regarding? 327 00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,217 Oh, I just want to see her. 328 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,353 Want to look at her, see what she looks like. 329 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,388 I-I don't understand. 330 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:29,857 I'm sorry, did I accidentally 331 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,691 oprima numero dos when I called? 332 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,593 Do you speak English? 333 00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,796 I want to see her! 334 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,564 Sir, please don't yell at me 335 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,799 because when people yell at me, 336 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,633 I have a tendency to start crying. 337 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,668 What are your credentials?! 338 00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:42,870 Please don't do that. Please. 339 00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,204 I want to know who am I speaking with! 340 00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:47,007 BARNEY: At first she seemed great, beautiful, smart, 341 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,909 way out of your league. 342 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,477 But then, I overheard this conversation. 343 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,045 ...my grandfather's name-- I was the last-born so... 344 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,114 Oh, Abby, did my hypnotherapist call yet? 345 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,248 No. 346 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:56,349 (sighs) 347 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:59,186 When am I going to kick this folliculaphilia? 348 00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,360 Folliculaphilia? 349 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,562 Folliculaphilia. 350 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,964 What is that? 351 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,400 Ted, your perfect woman 352 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:17,204 can only be attracted to men with mustaches. 353 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,509 That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 354 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,844 That's not real. 355 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,446 You're right, Ted. I'm just making that up. 356 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,949 I know that you are because there's no such thing. 357 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,452 I got it a little bit. 358 00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,627 Hi. Uh, Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. 359 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,495 Oh, hi, Ted. Love the 'stache. 360 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:44,631 You look like a young Tom Selleck, 361 00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,233 only a million times handsomer. 362 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:51,538 Dr. Zinman, Magnum's here to see you. 363 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:52,772 Just kidding. 364 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,975 Stupid. 365 00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,845 Sorry I'm late. Typical two-minute lunch. 366 00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,480 So we are very close to getting... 367 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,383 (laughing) 368 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:06,419 (cackling) 369 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,022 Why? Just why? 370 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,825 Y-you don't remember? 371 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,760 I'll bet anyone ten bucks 372 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,496 I can get Ted to grow a mustache. 373 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,032 Uh... okay. 374 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,435 You sabotaged my next to last chance with Stella 375 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:23,971 for ten dollars? 376 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:27,574 I know. I would've done it for free. 377 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,442 But, no. You owe me ten bucks. 378 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:33,780 This is awful. My-my tenth session is next week. 379 00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,748 I'm gonna ask her out, and she's gonna say 380 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:39,352 the most demoralizing syllable in the English language-- no. 381 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,421 You know what? Just forget it. 382 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,522 I'm not even gonna ask her. 383 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,457 No, you have to. She likes you. 384 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,859 She said so herself. 385 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,260 (clearing throat) I mean... 386 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,429 Oh, my God, you went and saw her, too. 387 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,531 I swear to you, I did not. 388 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,806 My wife's always getting on me about my dry elbows. 389 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,574 So good to be in a relationship. 390 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:02,876 Anyone special in your life? 391 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,677 Or maybe just someone you're interested in? 392 00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,480 Interes-ted in? 393 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,885 You know, we should really get this mole checked out. 394 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:12,986 It's just a little irregular. 395 00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:16,723 MARSHALL: Irregular? Oh, my God. 396 00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,191 This is it. It's all over. 397 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,492 One of my patients has this 398 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,461 little butterfly tattoo at the bottom of his back. 399 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:24,431 Can you stop talking about your other patients?! 400 00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,499 I'm dying here, woman! 401 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,835 There you go. Look, even if it is something, 402 00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:31,138 it's easily treatable, so try to relax. 403 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,405 Okay. 404 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,074 Hey, what was it you were saying before 405 00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:35,708 about the guy with the butterfly tattoo? 406 00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:38,111 Oh, that... that's nothing. 407 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,546 It's just a little crush. 408 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:42,815 So I will be calling you with your results. 409 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,151 Oh. Okay. Thank you. 410 00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:48,255 Oh, sir, your book! 411 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:50,690 No. 412 00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:51,658 Yes. 413 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,594 She said "crush"? 414 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,164 And she was talking about me? 415 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,899 NARRATOR: That last session was the least painful of all. 416 00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:02,936 I savored every searing blast of that laser. 417 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,437 All done. 418 00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:07,807 The moment I'd waited ten weeks for had arrived. 419 00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,509 Stella... 420 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,314 ...now that I'm no longer your patient, 421 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,383 would you like to have dinner with me? 422 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,788 Ted, you're a really nice guy... 423 00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,790 Oh, no. 424 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,226 It has been so great getting to know you. 425 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,927 I am gonna kill Marshall. 426 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,462 I've had so much fun these last ten weeks. 427 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,432 Oh, my God, this is worse than the laser. 428 00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:34,267 I have a daughter. 429 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:36,769 What? 430 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,338 Her name's Lucy. She's eight. 431 00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:42,442 Work and being with her, that's pretty much my life. 432 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,044 My social calendar 433 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,545 is movie night with the girls once a month 434 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,679 when I can get a sitter. 435 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,316 I mean, I've been to one party in the past year-- 436 00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,618 St. Paddy's Day-- it was awful, I left early. 437 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,820 But, really, my only free time 438 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,888 is the two minutes I get for lunch, so... 439 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,224 this is why I don't date. 440 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,160 Ted, I only have time 441 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:02,695 for one most important person in my life, and that's Lucy. 442 00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,765 Anyway, it's been fun. 443 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:08,368 Next time, think before you ink. 444 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,737 But if you ever do wake up with, like, 445 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:15,342 a dolphin tattoo on your ankle, just give me a call. 446 00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,381 There it is-- 447 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,649 she's a mom. 448 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,784 It's just not gonna happen. 449 00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,819 Sorry, dude. 450 00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,355 Have a shrimp. 451 00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,589 I'm good. 452 00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:32,325 I guess I got no one but myself to blame. 453 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,826 She told me right from the start 454 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:37,064 she was gonna say no and sure enough... 455 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,232 Wait a minute. 456 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,338 Hi. Hi. 457 00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:47,006 You didn't actually say no. 458 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,741 What do you mean? 459 00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,477 All this time you were, uh, you were supposed to say no, 460 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,712 but you didn't-- I checked the transcript. 461 00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,047 (laughs) 462 00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,315 So, here's what I'm proposing. 463 00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,350 Uh... You only have two minutes, right? 464 00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:58,118 Right. 465 00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,019 Okay. You want to, uh... 466 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,721 go on a two-minute date with me? 467 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,025 Last two-minute date I had gave me a daughter. 468 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,828 Um... Okay. 469 00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:12,399 Great. 470 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,567 And... go. 471 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,569 Taxi! 472 00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,072 Hello! 473 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,507 Ted, I seriously only have two minutes... 474 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:21,508 I know. 475 00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,112 That's like 120 seconds. 476 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,879 380 West 22nd, please. 477 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,581 And step on it. We're in a hurry. 478 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,250 380 West 22nd? That's... 479 00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:33,986 Ha-ha! 480 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,054 Right this way. 481 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,756 (laughing): Thank you, sir. 482 00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:39,259 You know, I have always wanted to try this place. 483 00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:40,993 House salad. Oh. 484 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,562 So, college? 485 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:43,730 Stanford. 486 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:44,864 Uh-huh. Wesleyan. 487 00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,399 Oh, good. Do you know Adam Lazar? 488 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,568 No. Scott Crable? Mm-mm. 489 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,470 Eggplant parmesan. 490 00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,239 Thanks. Oh, already cut up. Nice. 491 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,606 Could we get the check please. 492 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,041 We're trying to make a movie in 15 seconds. 493 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,509 Of course. Okay, great. 494 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,010 Uh, how do you want to do this? 495 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,112 You had the eggplant parm. 496 00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,713 I only really had water so... 497 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,682 I'm kidding. Oh. 498 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,016 Okay. Let's go. 499 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,186 Taxi! You nervous? 500 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:07,654 A little bit. You can't tell at all. 501 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,788 Oh, good. Yeah. 502 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,257 Hello! 503 00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,698 384 West 22nd. 504 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,401 15 seconds. The movie's started. 505 00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,170 Nah, previews. We'll be fine. 506 00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,175 Ah! Just in time. It hasn't started yet. 507 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,376 So, what are we seeing? 508 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,710 Manos: Hands of Fate. 509 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:31,744 The whole thing? 510 00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,280 Only the important parts. 511 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,754 Worst movie ever. 512 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,424 Yeah, I almost walked out, like, five times. 513 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:46,293 How we doing on time? Taxi! 514 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,427 We got a little time. 515 00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:48,928 Okay. Do you want to walk it? 516 00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:49,929 Why not? 517 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,097 Hello! 518 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,633 Good-bye! 519 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:54,934 So what grade's your daughter in? 520 00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,002 Third grade. 521 00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:57,136 Ah! That's a good year. 522 00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,671 Yeah, she's wonderful. 523 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:01,107 I just wish that I could get her to quit smoking, you know? 524 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,575 What? I'm kidding. 525 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,812 Oh. Look, coffee and dessert? 526 00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:07,880 You know, this neighborhood just keeps on changing. 527 00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,682 This used to be a cute, little Italian restaurant. 528 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:10,783 I know. New York. 529 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,052 It's a living organism, an ever-changing tapestry. 530 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,787 Ooh, look at the time. 531 00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:15,922 Let's go. 532 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,390 Mmm, the cheesecake's amazing. 533 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:19,726 Flowers? 534 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:20,827 I'm allergic. 535 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:24,130 Okay. See? We're getting to know each other. 536 00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:26,699 Stella, I had a lovely-- 537 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,568 Doggy bag? 538 00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,837 Stella, I had a lovely time. 539 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,138 Me, too, Ted. 540 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,906 And... date. 541 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,408 (chuckles) Huh? 542 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:36,876 That wasn't so bad, right? 543 00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,312 No lengthy, awkward silences. 544 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,980 Dessert ran a little long, so... 545 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,182 I had to cut the good-night kiss. 546 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,953 I think I can be late just once. 547 00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,299 Ted... 548 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,134 Look, I would love to have a second date, I would. 549 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,137 But I understand that you really don't have time right now, 550 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,707 but if you ever do, will you give me a call? 551 00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:08,975 Yes. 552 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:09,942 Okay. 553 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,214 And that, kids, is how you turn a "no" 554 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,583 into a "yes." 555 00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:23,122 All my friends told me, "Abby, be strong. 556 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:24,257 He doesn't deserve another chance." 557 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,392 No, no, no. But I forgive you! 558 00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:27,560 No, no, no, no! 559 00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,765 He seemed so nice, but then he just kept 560 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,200 toying with my emotions. 561 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:36,035 Wow. 562 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,004 This Ted guy sounds like a real jerk. 563 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,139 You know your problem? 564 00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,674 You're too sweet. 565 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,876 Aren't you going to see the doctor about that mole? 566 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,177 Oh, yeah. 567 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,713 Turns out it's just a Raisinet. 568 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,882 Hey, how would you like 569 00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:52,352 me to take you out to a fancy restaurant 570 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,554 and then go on a shopping spree? 571 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:56,856 Treat you the way you should be treated. 572 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:59,292 Would that make you forget about that Ted monster? 573 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,127 My mom was wrong. 574 00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:02,895 There are nice guys in New York. 575 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,098 We just have to go by my hotel room first. 576 00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:07,634 My bed was broken. 577 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,135 I just have to make sure they fixed it. 578 00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:10,703 Well, then if it's fixed, 579 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:13,005 can we can have sex on it and then go shopping. 580 00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:16,509 I like you.