1 00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:04,338 TED: Back when we were dating, Robin and I had this running joke. 2 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:06,774 We were the only two people in the world who found it funny. 3 00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:08,109 No way. 4 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:09,977 March does not have 31 days. 5 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:10,978 Yes, it does. 6 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,280 Everyone knows that. 7 00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,148 It's like general knowledge. 8 00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,116 General Knowledge. General Knowledge. 9 00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:16,250 (laughs) (laughs) 10 00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:17,818 And we did it all the time. 11 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,087 Isn't it sad? 12 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,621 I mean in 2007, 13 00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:24,024 some countries actually still condone corporal punishment. 14 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,426 Corporal Punishment. Corporal Punishment. 15 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:27,161 Because once you start, 16 00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:29,063 it's surprisingly hard to stop. 17 00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:31,932 Oh, man, I got a kernel stuck in my teeth. 18 00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:32,933 (in unison): Colonel Stuck-In-My-Teeth. 19 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,235 (cracking up) 20 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,204 Please stop! I hate you! You're killing me! 21 00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,606 But now, we were broken up, so when Marshall said... 22 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:41,642 But after the first year, I get a major pay raise. 23 00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,112 We just let it slide. 24 00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:45,713 You see, on the surface, Robin and I looked like 25 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:46,714 we were doing great. 26 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,449 But the truth is, 27 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,683 trying to be friends with your ex 28 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,219 is a lot harder than it looks. 29 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,154 You can't be as candid as you used to be. 30 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,189 So then Hot Intern leans over my desk, 31 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,258 I can totally see she has a pierced... 32 00:00:57,991 --> 00:00:59,293 Brosnan. 33 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:02,330 Pierce Brosnan is my favorite of all the Bonds. 34 00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:05,733 But most importantly, you can never, ever be alone together. 35 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,135 I gotta go. 36 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:09,337 I'm gonna go pay. Peeing. 37 00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,075 I'm gonna help Marshall pay. 38 00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:16,677 I'm gonna help Lily pee. 39 00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:32,059 All right, we have a turkey. 40 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,327 Yeah, we do. 41 00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:34,695 Isn't this exciting? 42 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:37,198 Our first Thanksgiving together as a group. 43 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,500 Yeah, this is gonna be the best Slapsgiving ever. 44 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,168 What? 45 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:41,935 I said this is going to be 46 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,571 the best Thanksgiving ever. 47 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,273 Yeah, this is going to be great. 48 00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:47,308 Just the five of us, right? 49 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,742 Oh, uh, that reminds me: I invited Bob. 50 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,178 Bob? 51 00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:52,079 You've been on, like, three dates with that guy. 52 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,547 We haven't even met him. 53 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,949 Well, he didn't have anywhere else to go, 54 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:57,285 and I didn't know what to say. 55 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,886 Is it really that big a deal? 56 00:01:58,919 --> 00:01:59,853 Yes. 57 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:01,489 This is our first Thanksgiving. 58 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,757 30 years from now, we're going to look at the photos 59 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:08,196 and say, "Oh, there's the four people I love most in the world. 60 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,863 And Bob." 61 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,465 I'm sorry, sometimes I forget 62 00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,701 how seriously you guys take American Thanksgiving. 63 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,703 Real Thanksgiving happened over a month ago. 64 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,738 (with Canadian accent): I'm sorry. 65 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,441 Did you just say Canadian Thanksgiving was 66 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,344 and I'm quoting, "the real Thanksgiving"? 67 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:27,881 What do Canadians even have to celebrate about? 68 00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,650 Canadian Thanksgiving 69 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,453 celebrates explorer Martin Frobisher's valiant 70 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,955 yet ultimately unsuccessful attempt 71 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,557 to find the Northwest Passage. 72 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,260 Why are you guys even a country? 73 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:40,728 Oh, hey, by the way, 74 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,396 if anyone wants to come over early Thursday, 75 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,097 we can watch the Slapsgiving Day Parade. 76 00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:45,699 Well, there, you said it again. 77 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:46,166 Said what? 78 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,235 Slapsgiving. 79 00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:49,503 Oh, I guess I did. 80 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:53,441 You know why? I've invented a new holiday: Slapsgiving. 81 00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:55,042 It's the one day we set aside each year 82 00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:58,078 to gather together and give slaps. 83 00:02:58,111 --> 00:02:59,313 TED: I should explain. 84 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:01,014 Kids, you remember the slap bet. 85 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:03,584 A year earlier, Marshall made a bet with Barney 86 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,586 and won the right to slap him five times. 87 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,521 He had already used the first. 88 00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,958 And the second. 89 00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,861 But Marshall had something special in store for the third. 90 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,128 Slapcountdown.com. 91 00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:16,964 (beep) No. 92 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:17,998 No, no. 93 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,334 The countdown ends at 3:00 p.m., 94 00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:21,902 the day after Thanksgiving. 95 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,136 I counted it out. 96 00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,772 How many days are in October? 97 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,874 Uh, thirty. 98 00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:30,444 Dude, I thought we cleared this up last year. 99 00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:32,980 (as Borat): I like Halloween very much. 100 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,148 Is nice. 101 00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,617 Is also tomorrow. 102 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:37,718 Damn it! 103 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:42,189 Wait, you're gonna slap me on Thanksgiving? 104 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:42,923 Slapsgiving. 105 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,858 That's not allowed. 106 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,661 Lily, you're the Slap Bet Commissioner, is that allowed? 107 00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:50,197 The hostess in me who's using her wedding china 108 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,500 for the first time wants to say hell, no, 109 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,802 but yeah, I'm going to allow it. 110 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,404 Well, you know what? 111 00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,238 If you're trying to freak me out 112 00:03:58,272 --> 00:03:59,340 about spending Thanksgiving... 113 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,207 Slapsgiving. 114 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,576 At your place, then you failed. 115 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,545 Truth is, I'm not scared. 116 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,814 Really? Right. 'Cause you blew it. 117 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,649 Hmm. The worst part about getting slapped 118 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,418 is not knowing when it's going to happen. 119 00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:12,653 But now I know exactly when I'm gonna get slapped. 120 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,022 So, you took all the suspense out. 121 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,257 You showed your hand. 122 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,660 And Thursday at 3:01 p.m., 123 00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:22,896 your face is going to show my hand. 124 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,131 (laughs) 125 00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,599 Oh, there's Bob! 126 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,301 By the way, heads up, he's a little bit older than us. 127 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:28,235 How old is he? 128 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,337 He's forty-one. 129 00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,203 Hey, Bob! 130 00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:32,039 Over here! 131 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:35,075 TED: Okay, kids, the truth is, Bob probably looked like this. 132 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,477 Hey, sweetie. Hi. 133 00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,647 But when your ex is dating someone new, 134 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,115 your mind tends to accentuate their flaws. 135 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,584 This is how I saw Bob. 136 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,719 Hey, dudes, what's crackin'?. 137 00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,187 Hey... Hey, man, how are you? 138 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,055 MARSHALL: Good to meet you. 139 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:49,256 Sorry I'm late. 140 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,791 I just got off the phone with my parents. 141 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:51,725 Parents? 142 00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,293 They were totally on my case: 143 00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,228 "What are you gonna do with your life? You're forty-one." 144 00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:59,933 And I'm like, "Chillax, snowboarding is a legit career. 145 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:03,236 You ought to be stoked I found my bliss." 146 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:06,173 And speaking of bliss, sugar me, baby. 147 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,341 Ooh. 148 00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,175 ROBIN: Mm... 149 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,543 Let's go get a drink. 150 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:13,947 Wow! 151 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,315 Unbelievable. 152 00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,551 Robin is dating Orville Redenbacher. 153 00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:20,554 What are you talking about? 154 00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,856 He's forty-one. He looks great. 155 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,324 Yeah, dude he's in pretty good shape. 156 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:25,626 He could kick your ass. 157 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,361 How are you guys not seeing this? 158 00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:29,430 He's 150; Robin's 27. 159 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,798 Barney, come on, what do you got? 160 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,200 Nothing but respect for that man. 161 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,737 Oh, by the way, we're all baking pies at Robin's tomorrow. 162 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:40,140 Marshall can't be trusted in the apartment with pies overnight. 163 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,642 For the millionth time, 164 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:46,847 sleep-eating is a very serious and delicious medical condition. 165 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,850 Hey, uh, what time are you guys going to Robin's? 166 00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:50,918 7:30. 167 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,085 Perfect. 168 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:54,422 Just to be safe, I'll get there like 8:00, 8:30. 169 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:56,256 Hey. Hey. 170 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:57,525 Sorry I'm late. 171 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,592 Where are Marshall and Lily? 172 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,193 Uh, they just called. 173 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,596 They're both super swamped preparing for tomorrow. 174 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,271 Is Bob coming? 175 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,973 No, he went to see Green Day. 176 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,043 So it's... 177 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,445 Just the two of us. ...just the two of us. 178 00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:18,546 Making pies. 179 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,414 Pies. They're things that friends make together. 180 00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:21,415 Yeah, they do. 181 00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:22,883 Yeah. Yeah. 182 00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:24,184 Great. Yeah. 183 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,419 Great. Well, this is great. 184 00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:28,489 It'll give us a chance to catch up. Yeah. 185 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,727 I'm going to make a phone call. I'll put it in the oven. 186 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,130 Hey, it's me. 187 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,299 Listen, you have to come over here and make pies. 188 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,301 Yeah, I'll be there, absolutely. 189 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,770 Oh, awesome, you're a lifesaver. 190 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,572 It's still kind of weird being alone with Robin, 191 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,073 but if you were here... 192 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,374 Hey, say no more. 193 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,408 I mean, when I pulled 194 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:49,743 you out of that burning wreckage, 195 00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:52,179 I wasn't doing it to have a battleship named after me. 196 00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,614 But if you insist, 197 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,716 yes, I'll be there for the christening. 198 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,118 You're hitting on someone right now, aren't you? 199 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,320 No, I'm not going to wear the medal of honor. 200 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,556 That would just be tacky. 201 00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:03,791 So you're not coming to make pies. 202 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,125 No, no. 203 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,460 Thank you, Mr. President. 204 00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:08,696 Sorry. 205 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,665 After a very long night, it was finally the big holiday. 206 00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,901 Sorry, the two big holidays. 207 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:14,935 Oh, Marshall, 208 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,737 are you working on the cranberry sauce? 209 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,673 In a minute, baby. I've only got so many hands. 210 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,709 You see what I got going on here? 211 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,577 They're turkeys, but they're also hands, 212 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,913 because later, we're going to eat turkey... 213 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,549 and then I'm going to slap you in your face. 214 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:32,119 Please, you took out all the suspense. 215 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,120 In a horror movie, 216 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:35,322 the killer does not grab a bullhorn and announce, 217 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:38,526 "Attention unsupervised teens here at the lake house: 218 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,860 "At precisely 3:00 a.m., 219 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:42,329 "I'm gonna jump out of that closet right there 220 00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:43,831 "and hack you all up with a machete. 221 00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,966 P.S. Fire is my one weakness." 222 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,168 (knocking) 223 00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:52,305 Hey, Ted. 224 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:53,807 Hey, Happy Thanksgiving. You, too. 225 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,242 Is Lily in the kitchen? 226 00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,677 Yep. Great. 227 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,280 Marshall? Lily? 228 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,348 Yeah? Uh-huh? 229 00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:04,585 BOTH: Something really weird happened last night. 230 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,722 What do you mean something weird happened last night? 231 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,257 You may not realize this, but since we broke up, 232 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,560 Robin and I have never really been alone together. 233 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:13,961 So we're in the kitchen, 234 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,063 starting on the pies, and we realize, 235 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:18,231 we don't have a damn thing to say to each other. 236 00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:19,700 I mean, you can't talk about 237 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,368 how close you used to be. 238 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,536 You can't talk about how close 239 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:24,037 you're not now. 240 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,472 You just feel like everything you say 241 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,740 is gonna make things worse. 242 00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:29,009 Exactly. And you know why? 243 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,444 Because you don't want to hurt someone you really care about, 244 00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:33,046 especially around the holidays. 245 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,749 I mean, what decent human being would want to cause 246 00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:38,418 any kind of emotional or physical pain... 247 00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:39,386 You're still getting slapped. 248 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:40,754 (frustrated grunt) 249 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:42,389 I wanted to leave, but I couldn't stick her 250 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,124 with making all the pies by herself. 251 00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,492 She was exhausted. 252 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,495 I yawned like a million times trying to get him to leave. 253 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,764 Yeah, some people just can't take a hint. 254 00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,666 By the way, I'm really swamped in here. 255 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,201 I kept looking at the clock and sighing-- 256 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,903 totally clueless. 257 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,237 Uh-huh. I'm not sure I have time to mash 258 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,673 those potatoes, you're standing right next to. 259 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,408 And then Ted does the thing that he always does 260 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:02,676 when there's an awkward silence. 261 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,077 Yep. Masher's right there, next to the pot. 262 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:07,480 He panics and says the first thing that pops into his head. 263 00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:09,282 Hey, did you know that 264 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:12,786 the first pies in recorded history came from ancient Egypt? 265 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:17,424 Remember last year's Thanksgiving, 266 00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:19,827 when we had sex seven times? 267 00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:23,430 Ooh. Terrible. What?! 268 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,032 I thought it would break the ice. 269 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,234 I'd already broken the ice with my cool pie fact. 270 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:30,103 Then he makes it ten times more awkward. 271 00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:32,505 How do you respond to something like that? 272 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:35,943 Did you know that the Egyptian pyramids can be seen from space? 273 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,177 Probably? 274 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:41,048 (timer beeps) Ooh, the oven's pre-heated! 275 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,249 Okay, um... 276 00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:44,952 the pecan pie is gonna take the longest. 277 00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,987 Why don't we put that one in first? 278 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,256 Pecan pie? Why are we making that? 279 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,091 Um, it's my favorite. 280 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,693 You're allergic. 281 00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:55,028 I know. I just like smelling it. 282 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:56,964 It's like eating with your nose. 283 00:09:56,997 --> 00:10:00,500 So we're making a pie for Bob. 284 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,269 Well... 285 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:03,603 yeah. 286 00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,373 She's got you making pies for this guy? 287 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,008 Yeah. Wow. 288 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,210 That is a real slap in the face. 289 00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:14,748 You know, you could have just told me it was for Bob. 290 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,984 Yeah, I-I just thought it might upset you. 291 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,119 Upset me? Wait a second. 292 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:20,420 Do you think that... 293 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,922 (wheezing laughter) 294 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:25,392 ...do you think that I'm jealous of Bob? 295 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,760 I don't know. 296 00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:28,662 Is it so ridiculous to think that you might be? 297 00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:30,630 Yes. Why? 298 00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,766 Because he's a thousand years old. 299 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,502 No, Ted, what are you doing? 300 00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:36,737 Right? 301 00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,171 The only reason I'm jealous of Bob 302 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,907 is that we can only talk about the first Thanksgiving, 303 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,374 but he was actually there. 304 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,275 Come on. 305 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,343 The only reason 306 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:44,644 I'm jealous of Bob is because 307 00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,213 I heard Noah gave him shotgun in the ark. 308 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:46,780 Ted... 309 00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:47,781 The only reason 310 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,249 I'm jealous of Bob 311 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,351 is that I'm just an architect, but he discovered fire. 312 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,786 How do you top that? 313 00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:55,756 He's 41! Why are you bashing on him so hard? 314 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,590 I'm not. I'm just joking around. 315 00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:59,492 That's what friends do. 316 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,061 It's mean. 317 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,896 Well, how come we're all allowed to bust on Barney 318 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,698 when he dates some skanktron, 319 00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:06,466 but when you sleep with the Crypt Keeper's dad, 320 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,001 I'm not allowed to say a word? 321 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,738 First of all, Bob and I are not sleeping together. 322 00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,072 We're just dating. 323 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,807 Secondly, have I said one word 324 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:16,009 about the parade of dubious conquests 325 00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,878 you've been marching past me the last few months? 326 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,247 One of whom got you a butterfly tattoo? 327 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,282 Hey, that is... And if you and I are such good friends... 328 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,118 why is baking a pie for Bob so weird? 329 00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:26,887 Yeah, if you and I are such good friends, 330 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,056 why couldn't you just tell me that's what we were doing? 331 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,225 Okay, maybe we should talk about this later. 332 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:33,293 I-I should get going. 333 00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,364 Well, what are we doing? It's Thanksgiving. 334 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,465 I don't know. I'm sorry. 335 00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:39,599 This is stupid. 336 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:40,768 I'm sorry, too. 337 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:41,769 Of course we're friends. 338 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,070 I'm glad we're friends. 339 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,037 Me, too. 340 00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:56,649 (together): You guys slept together last night? 341 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,718 That is a terrible idea! 342 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,453 Horrible idea. 343 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,522 Relapse five! 344 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,656 That's where we high-five, 345 00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:06,526 then it's awkward for a little bit... 346 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,762 and then we high-five again! 347 00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,130 What the hell were you doing? 348 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,164 Let's review: 349 00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:13,566 You and Ted broke up six months ago, 350 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,335 Yep. you're dating another man... 351 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,403 You are correct, sir. 352 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,338 ...who's coming to my Thanksgiving today... 353 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:19,372 That is a truth-fact. 354 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,175 ...an event Ted is also attending. Ka-blammo. 355 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:24,812 Why are you trying to destroy American Thanksgiving?! 356 00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,613 Oh, Lily, it's not as bad as it sounds. 357 00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,215 Bob and I aren't that serious, 358 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:31,184 and what happened last night with Ted was a fluke. 359 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,854 Well, did you guys at least talk about it? 360 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:40,227 There's office material... I hear something burning... 361 00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:43,196 Clearly, we need to ignore this. 362 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,899 Clearly, we need to talk about this. 363 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,301 (together): You know? To save the friendship. 364 00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,303 Hi. Hi. 365 00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:52,239 We need to talk. Stuffed mushroom? 366 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,141 We need to talk about last night. 367 00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:56,643 Did you know that some mushrooms are carnivorous? 368 00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:59,412 Probably... Not? 369 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,382 Ted, can we please just deal with this? 370 00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,151 Look, I'm not mad. 371 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,252 I just think... Wait, wait, wait, wait. 372 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,087 Why would you be mad-- you started it? 373 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,822 What?! You're crazy! 374 00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,623 We called a truce, we hugged, 375 00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:13,193 and when I tried to pull away, you kept your hand on my neck. 376 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,228 Only because your hand was still around my waist. 377 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,197 Oh, come on! You leaned into it. 378 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,366 I... leaned into it? Yeah. 379 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,301 You're like the crappy kid in Little League 380 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,469 who knows he's not going to make contact, 381 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,905 so he just... "Oops, I got hit by the pitch. 382 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,473 Better take my base." 383 00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,208 Oh, that was you in Little League, wasn't it? 384 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:29,943 My on-base percentage was off the charts! 385 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,744 (both arguing) 386 00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:32,913 MARSHALL: Oh, no! 387 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:35,048 The slap-petizers. 388 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,416 You know what? That's it! 389 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,586 This is Thanksgiving. Solve this right now. 390 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:43,924 And if you have sex again, neither of you gets dessert! 391 00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:47,727 (whining): Oh, what the hell kind of Thanksgiving is this anyway? 392 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,662 Um, most Thanksgivings. 393 00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:50,964 Don't stress, baby. 394 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,465 I'll try to find us something relaxing. 395 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,201 Thanks, baby. 396 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:56,904 Ooh, some classical music, maybe. 397 00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,939 (computer beeps) Oh, my! 398 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,107 Look at that. 399 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:03,043 That means we're in the final hour of the countdown. 400 00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,745 I'm not scared. 401 00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:07,847 Then why is your right cheek twitching? 402 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,116 It's not... 403 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:12,685 Maybe it's because Future Me slaps Future You so hard, 404 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,321 it reverberates back to the present, 405 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,723 shattering the time-slap continuum. 406 00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,525 Please don't slap me. 407 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:19,927 I'm sorry, what? 408 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,061 Oh, God! Don't slap me again! 409 00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,462 I don't want to get slapped again, 410 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,631 and the first two times hurt so bad, I don't like it! 411 00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:27,400 I don't like it one bit! 412 00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:30,403 I thought I ruined it by putting a clock on it, Barney? 413 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,705 Well, you didn't ruin it; you made it so much worse! 414 00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:33,974 I can't eat. 415 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,342 I can't sleep. 416 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,877 I've lost ten pounds; my suits are wearing me. 417 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:39,812 You know what? I'm outta here. 418 00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,514 Well, no, no, no. You can't leave. 419 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,983 Why can't I?! 420 00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:44,918 Nowhere in the rules does it say that I have to sit 421 00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:46,453 through sort of mental torture! 422 00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:48,155 You are allowed to slap my face, sir, 423 00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,722 but you are not allowed to slap my mind! 424 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,124 Good day! 425 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:53,493 But it's Slapsgiving. No! It's not! 426 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:54,962 It's Thanksgiving! 427 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,897 Our first one as a married couple, 428 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,632 as grown-ups-- 429 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,768 and you're not even trying to be a part of it! 430 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,570 None of you are! 431 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,672 So... 432 00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,807 as Slap Bet Commissioner, I'm issuing a ruling. 433 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,842 Thanksgiving is a day of peace. 434 00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:11,511 There will be no slaps today! 435 00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,446 What?! Yes! 436 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,982 In your face! 437 00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,284 Notface... your face! 438 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,152 What's up, dudes? ALL: Hey, Bob. 439 00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:20,520 Baby, please... No! 440 00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,555 The Slap Bet Commissioner's word is final, 441 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,925 so get in the kitchen and mash some potatoes, now. 442 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:28,561 And for the rest of the day, 443 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,865 we are going to enjoy a civilized, grown-up holiday. 444 00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:34,534 Not too grown-up. 445 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:35,902 I made Jell-O shots. 446 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,471 We's gonna get silly, bitches. 447 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,242 ROBIN: Look at us! 448 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,378 We can't be alone together, can we? 449 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,547 Apparently not. 450 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,949 What does that mean? 451 00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,784 We're supposed to be friends. 452 00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,053 Well... 453 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:55,788 We aren' friends, are we? 454 00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,657 Not really. 455 00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,192 We avoid each other. 456 00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:01,194 We smile politely. 457 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:03,930 We're two people who prete to be friends 458 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,433 because it would be inconvenient not to. 459 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,504 Well, maybe we should stop pretending. 460 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,441 Maybe we should. 461 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,078 (sighs) 462 00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:22,849 So... 463 00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,951 Oh, what do we do now? 464 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,854 I suppose... 465 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,756 we eat dinner. 466 00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,958 Yeah. 467 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:36,029 And then that's it. 468 00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:39,632 Okay. 469 00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,613 Happy Thanksgiving. 470 00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:57,150 (sighs) 471 00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,152 So we sat down to our first Thanksgiving 472 00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,388 together as a group... and, apparently, our last. 473 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:03,256 Marshall, you're not eating. 474 00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,158 Did something spoil 475 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,194 your slap-petite? 476 00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:11,498 No, I just thought... before we eat, 477 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,400 maybe the chef would like to say a few words. 478 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:16,369 Nope. This sucks. Eat up and leave. 479 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,143 Well, then, I'd like to say something. 480 00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,477 If that's cool? 481 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:29,182 Um... today, Lily did something great. 482 00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,884 Not only did she gather us all here together 483 00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,486 and cook a delicious meal, 484 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,888 but she also started a new tradition. 485 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,258 We're gonna do this again next year, 486 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,228 and the year after that-- maybe for the rest of our lives. 487 00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:43,530 I think that's pretty amazing if you think about it. 488 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:47,033 And it's all thanks to you, Lily. 489 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,301 I love you. 490 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,138 So, to the first of many Thanksgivings together. 491 00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,806 (glasses clinking) 492 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,247 This is rad! 493 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:04,551 A nice, small, simple Thanksgiving. 494 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,253 I'm the youngest of ten in my family, 495 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,621 so our Thanksgiving is a mess. 496 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,591 All the yelling and the screaming... 497 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:14,261 TED And then a funny thing happened... 498 00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,996 It's really a major buzz-kill. 499 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:18,365 Major Buzz-kill. Major Buzz-kill. 500 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:23,403 Oh, no... 501 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,438 I thought we were done with that? 502 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,708 I guess we're not. 503 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:31,578 Guess we're not. 504 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:36,249 You see kids, friendship is an involuntary reflex-- 505 00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:38,518 it just happens, you can't help it. 506 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:41,321 That first Thanksgiving turned out to be a wonderful dinner 507 00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,690 with the four people I love most in the world... 508 00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,992 and Bob. 509 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,227 And it did become a tradition. 510 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,895 That's why every year, we go to Aunt Lily 511 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,830 and Uncle Marshall's for Thanksgiving. 512 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,365 Hey, check it out! 513 00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:53,600 We're in the last 20 seconds 514 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,236 of Marshall's countdown to nothing. 515 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,870 Barney, put it away. 516 00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:00,507 How does it feel, Marshall, to sit there, impotently-- 517 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:03,943 your large, flaccid hand, just dangling in the wind? 518 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,913 (female computerized voice): The slap will occur in ten... 519 00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,648 Ooh, classy touch, dude. 520 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:09,949 Too bad! 521 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,150 Barney, put it away. ...six... 522 00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,320 I will in... five... five, four... 523 00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,421 You can slap him. ...three... 524 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:15,755 What?! Wait, you... ...two... 525 00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:16,656 ...one. (grunts) 526 00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,226 That's three! 527 00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:22,695 Thanks, baby, you're the best. 528 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:24,764 And as a special, added bonus, I've composed a song 529 00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:25,998 just for this occasion. 530 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,099 Ted, lights! 531 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,968 (Barney groaning) 532 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,304 (groans) 533 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:34,774 (playing soft melody) 534 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:43,716 * What is this feelin' 535 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,918 * That's put you in your place? * 536 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:53,326 * A hot, red burnin' on the side of your face * 537 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:57,297 * You feel the blood rush to your cheek * 538 00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,667 * Tears start to fill your eyes * 539 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,335 * And your lips are tremblin' 540 00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:05,438 * But you can't speak, you're tryin' * 541 00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:06,773 * Oh, you're tryin' 542 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,642 * Not to cry! 543 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:13,846 * Ya just got sla-apped * * Oh, oh! 544 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,916 * Across the face, my friend * * Oh, oh, oh 545 00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,551 * You just got slapped 546 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,387 * Whoa-oh-oh-oh! * Yes, that really * 547 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,855 * Just happened 548 00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:23,956 * Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! 549 00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,726 * Everybody saw it 550 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:30,463 * And everybody laughed and clapped * 551 00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:32,299 * It was awesome 552 00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:35,101 * Wait, you just got... * 553 00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,436 * Slapped. 554 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,871 (soft melody continuing) 555 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,217 Happy Slapsgiving, everybody. 556 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,752 [ Chuckles ] 557 00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:58,190 Well, guys, have fun. 558 00:20:58,224 --> 00:21:00,593 Whoa. This is gonna be a major cleanup. 559 00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,695 [ All ] Major Cleanup! 560 00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:06,265 Oh, man. We're gonna be doing this all the time now, aren't we? 561 00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:07,634 That's the general idea. 562 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,470 [ All ] General Idea! Oh, God.