1 00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:04,105 So, being married-- different, not different? 2 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:05,739 It's the same. Mostly. 3 00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,775 Except I think I might be getting carpal tunnel. 4 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,577 My hand keeps cramping up. 5 00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:11,445 I thought the whole point of getting married was 6 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,214 that you didn't have to do that anymore. 7 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,783 No, it's from writing all the thank you notes. 8 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,818 Mostly. Yeah. 9 00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,453 You're writing constantly. 10 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,589 There's forms we have to sign, 11 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:22,690 our death folders, 12 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:23,724 thank you notes. Whoa, whoa. 13 00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:26,026 What are death folders? 14 00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,395 It's this thing they recommend you do 15 00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,230 in case one spouse dies unexpectedly. 16 00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:30,598 It's all the information 17 00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:31,532 your spouse might need 18 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,201 all in one convenient location. 19 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,402 LILY: Yeah. 20 00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:36,370 Account info, important addresses, 21 00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:38,038 a letter to the other person. 22 00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:39,107 All that stuff. 23 00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:40,374 I'll get the next round. 24 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:43,211 Thanks. 25 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,745 I am such a jerk. 26 00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:45,913 Yeah. 27 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,348 Wait, why? 28 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,583 I didn't know that I was supposed to write a letter. 29 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:50,484 All Lily's gonna find 30 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,353 in that folder are a bunch of bank statements 31 00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,222 and a funny list of things to do with my ashes. 32 00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,055 Marshall brownies. 33 00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:56,257 Number six. Yeah. 34 00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:58,726 Oh, God, I am a bad husband. 35 00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,661 No, uh, no, I'll just write, 36 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,730 I'll write Lily a letter tonight, everything'll be fine. 37 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:03,831 That's right. 38 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,566 Unless... 39 00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:07,901 you die between now and then. Ooh. 40 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,069 But... 41 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,538 come on, that's never gonna happen. Yes! 42 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,106 If there's one thing we can state 43 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,474 with absolute certainty 44 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:16,144 it's that Marshall Eriksen is not going to die 45 00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:17,145 before writing that letter. 46 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:18,746 BARNEY: No way at all. 47 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,482 In fact, I dare God 48 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,617 to smite down this perfectly healthy... 49 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:24,785 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 50 00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:26,387 I get it. 51 00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:28,088 Okay, you guys know I'm a little superstitious, 52 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:29,590 and you guys are trying to freak me out. 53 00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:30,991 Well, guess what? It didn't work. 54 00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:32,293 So, there. 55 00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:44,305 You guys are jerks! 56 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,688 TED: So after Robin and I broke up, 57 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,089 she needed some time away. 58 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:04,625 Away from her normal home, her normal life, 59 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:07,295 and it turns out, her normal self. 60 00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:10,298 I was just so uptight in New York, you know? 61 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:13,267 I mean down here everybody shares everything. 62 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:16,937 It's like we're all one big shimmering ball 63 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,839 of positive energy. 64 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:22,643 I wonder if anyone's ever thought that before. 65 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:23,777 Here. 66 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,646 Eat. 67 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:26,947 If we run out of fish, 68 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:28,649 I will catch more with my hands. 69 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,284 (drums playing) 70 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,085 A drum circle! 71 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,086 They're different every time. 72 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,423 Let's go watch! 73 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,325 And here I am at the drum circle. 74 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:38,892 Whoa, are you topless? 75 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:39,960 Ted, check this out. 76 00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,495 Seen 'em. 77 00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,231 Wow, it seems like a great trip. 78 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:44,532 Oh, it was. 79 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,867 I feel like the Robin who left 80 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:49,470 is not the same Robin who came back, you know. 81 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:52,306 Wow, there's a lot of nude people in here. 82 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,442 You haven't changed, Scherbatsky. 83 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,544 You're a sophisticated, scotch-swilling, 84 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,679 cigar-smoking, red-meat-eating, 85 00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:00,080 gun-toting New Yorker. 86 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,682 Just shoes and a shirt. 87 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,083 That's a look. 88 00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:05,052 What you are not is a massage-giving, 89 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,687 windsurfing, bongo-playing, 90 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,822 teetotaling, vegan, peacenik, hippy 91 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,824 like you soon to be ex-boyfriend, Gael. 92 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,159 Back me up here, Ted. 93 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,862 I'm just happy Robin's happy. 94 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,163 Thank you. LILY: Man, 95 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,398 this is like a "Where's Waldo" 96 00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:18,866 of exposed genitalia. 97 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:23,103 Except that it's really easy to find Waldo. 98 00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,272 I'm evolved... 99 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,539 and I'm enjoying living my life 100 00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:27,207 a little bit closer to the way Gael 101 00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,243 and I did in Argentina. Please. 102 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:32,413 Vacation romances have an expiration date. 103 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,383 Gael's got a "best if banged by" sticker on him. 104 00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:36,617 Once your romance 105 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,919 starts to stink, you'll dump his ass 106 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,488 down the drain like sour milk 107 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,423 and go back to being "Unevolved Robin," 108 00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,057 the one we actually like. 109 00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:45,359 Back me up here, Ted. 110 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:48,228 I'm just happy Robin's happy. 111 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:50,230 I'm telling you, within three days... 112 00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:51,399 Ooh, here he comes. Switched to big words. 113 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:54,535 Within a triad of solar periods, 114 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,236 you'll recognize your dearth 115 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,171 of compatibility with your paramour 116 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,341 and conclude your association. 117 00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:01,542 My journey was transformative. 118 00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:02,776 And I reassert my commitment 119 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,612 to both the aforementioned paramour 120 00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,914 and the philosophies he espouses. 121 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,148 What are we talking of? 122 00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:09,883 Baseball? 123 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,986 This is all gonna return to masticate you in the gluteals. 124 00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:15,889 Support my hypothesis, Ted. 125 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:19,460 I'm just jubilant my former paramour's jubilant. 126 00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:25,265 That night Marshall sat down to write the letter 127 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:27,368 he hoped Lily would never have to read. 128 00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:31,372 "My dearest, sweetest, Lily pad. 129 00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,542 "Let this letter be a small beacon, 130 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:38,346 "a tiny firefly to help light your way 131 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,481 "through the years ahead. 132 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,952 "My love for you persists 133 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,754 "higher than the Himalayas. 134 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,890 Deeper than a Scottish loch." 135 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,525 (sobbing) 136 00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:55,162 "If I died under suspicious circumstances, 137 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:57,030 "then beware. 138 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,766 "Trust no one. 139 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,768 Not even Ted." 140 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:06,607 "Especially not Ted." 141 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:09,009 "Know that I'll always be there in your heart 142 00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:10,878 "whenever you need me, 143 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:14,014 "and that my love for you will never die. 144 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,949 "Love... (sobbing) 145 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,951 your marshmallow." 146 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,057 (inhales sharply) 147 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,374 "M. 148 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:44,144 "ATM pin code: 5-4-5-9. 149 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,946 "Teacher's pension account: 150 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,981 "A-3-9-3-2. 151 00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,182 "Cancel Vogue. 152 00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:51,419 L." 153 00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,154 My windsurfing board... 154 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,923 it had floated away. 155 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,458 And the shark... 156 00:05:57,525 --> 00:06:00,127 he was getting closer. 157 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,462 They say to escape 158 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:02,996 you punch a shark in the nose. 159 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,231 But I said, 160 00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,866 "Brother shark, 161 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:07,435 we are both children 162 00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,403 from the same Earth mother." 163 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:10,571 (sighs) 164 00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:12,973 And that's all I remember until the hospital. 165 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,109 That guy. Yeah. 166 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,178 That guy. 167 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,613 Look at how easy he has it. 168 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,782 You and me, we have to bend over backwards 169 00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:25,118 to get a woman to, well, bend over backwards. 170 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,187 But that guy... 171 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:29,022 Every woman in the bar is hanging 172 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:31,859 on his every slightly mispronounced word. 173 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,594 And why? 174 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,696 He's better looking than us. 175 00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,130 No. 176 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,766 Because he's from out of town. 177 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:39,767 Mmm. 178 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,802 With and accent and an innocent smile, 179 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,937 you don't even have to try. Yeah. 180 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:44,905 Plus automatic out, 181 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,273 you're leaving in a couple of days. 182 00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:49,109 God, I wish we were tourists. Yeah. 183 00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:52,312 Actually... 184 00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,748 You know where I've been meaning to visit? 185 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,586 (camera shutter clicking) Okay, okay, we're from a small town 186 00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,687 in the south of France. 187 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,822 Our plane leaves Sunday morning. 188 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:04,357 (with Southern accent): Uh, hey, uh, howdy, ladies. 189 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,425 Hate to bother you. 190 00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:06,694 We seem to be a little bit lost. 191 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,095 Would you happen to know which street 192 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,530 the Statue of Liberty's on? 193 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,332 Actually, it's on its own island. 194 00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,201 Oh! Oh, it's right... 195 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,969 Ah. Thank you very... 196 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:19,607 Uh, my name is, uh, Ignatius Peabody Nobel. 197 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:22,543 From East Westerton, Missouri. 198 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:25,646 And this is my friend, Ted. 199 00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:27,214 Hi, um, I'm Colleen. 200 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,248 Hi, Colleen. This is Lindsay. 201 00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:29,817 Hi, Lindsay. 202 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:30,751 So, hey, 203 00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,986 you-you-you ladies, been awful nice to us. 204 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,054 What do you say... 205 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,388 Ah, never mind. No... 206 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,189 No, what is it? 207 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,390 Well... 208 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,692 it's just we're leaving Sunday morning. 209 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,594 It sure would be nice to have some real New Yorkers 210 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:41,962 show us around. Yeah. 211 00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:45,398 Well, we're busy tonight, but... 212 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,000 maybe tomorrow afternoon? 213 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,101 After lunch? 214 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,503 Well, hotdog! 215 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:50,704 Should we... 216 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:51,805 you want to just meet here 217 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,974 in front of Mac... MacLaren's Pub? 218 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,876 It's kind of a lame bar, but sure. 219 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,645 Really? It doesn't seem that lame to me. 220 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:58,512 It's pretty lame. 221 00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,781 I think it's cool. 222 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:02,482 We'll see you tomorrow. BARNEY: All right. 223 00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:04,084 I'm just saying it seems like a kind of bar 224 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,485 a lot of cool people would hang out at. 225 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:06,520 Okay, all right. 226 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,121 So, Gael, huh? Mmm. 227 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:09,289 Still going strong? 228 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:10,724 Yeah, it's great. 229 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:13,561 Amazing, fantastic, awesome. 230 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:14,628 Ooh, that's one too many. 231 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,696 What's going on? 232 00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,631 Well, now that I'm home, 233 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:18,732 I'm finding myself getting annoyed 234 00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,134 at things that I loved on vacation. 235 00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,703 Here, taste. 236 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,838 Experience your food. 237 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,841 Oh. 238 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,877 So good. 239 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,511 Here, taste. 240 00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,246 Experience your food. 241 00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:35,115 Ooh, sofa, ooh, sofa. 242 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:36,416 Sofa, sofa, oh. 243 00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:37,618 (grunts) 244 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,587 Ooh. We're alone now. 245 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,722 I must have you. 246 00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,558 (laughs) 247 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,259 (moans) 248 00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,761 Ooh. I must have you. 249 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,997 Laptop, laptop, laptop! 250 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,332 (sighs) 251 00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:53,400 And you know what else? 252 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,268 I'm still finding sand everywhere. 253 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,470 I mean, we haven't been to the beach since Argentina. 254 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,039 Where is all coming from? 255 00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:01,074 Well, maybe you're just going back 256 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,210 to the person you were before the trip. 257 00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:04,411 But I don't want to. 258 00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:06,379 I was so happy down there. 259 00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:07,648 No, you know what? 260 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,116 I'm done complaining. 261 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,618 I'm evolving. 262 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,052 Just gonna 263 00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,021 go with the flow. 264 00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:18,826 Wow. 265 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,862 Gael, you're peeing while I'm in the shower. 266 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,864 Okay. 267 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:27,534 Okay, old Robin would have been like, dude, ocupado. 268 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:30,437 But now, you know what, I'm cool with it. 269 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,172 Pee it up. 270 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,774 In fact, 271 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:36,143 when you're done, why don't you come in here and join me? 272 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:38,478 Don't mind if I do, love. 273 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,280 (screams) 274 00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,683 Gael, there's some weird du... 275 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,117 Hello. Hey! 276 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,185 Good news! 277 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,954 I made some new traveling friends today, 278 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,122 and they'll be staying with us, how do you say... 279 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,658 indefinitely! 280 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,292 ALL: G'day! 281 00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,498 Ooh, here. 282 00:09:58,565 --> 00:09:59,833 Will you sign this thank you note? 283 00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:03,637 Wow. 284 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,638 Both sides. 285 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:05,973 You wrote on 286 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:09,442 both sides of a thank you note to my third cousin 287 00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:12,045 for a blender that you haven't even taken out of the box. 288 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,046 Wow, that's... 289 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,715 It's a really nice blender. Well, if you love 290 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,383 that blender so much, why don't you just marry it. 291 00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:18,852 I can't. I married you. 292 00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,387 That's how we go the blender. 293 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,422 What's wrong? 294 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,091 Nothing. 295 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,292 Nothing's wrong. 296 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,626 What could be wrong? 297 00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,796 Except that when you die I'm gonna find out 298 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,764 that your parting words to comfort me for all eternity 299 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,032 were "Cancel Vogue." 300 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,467 How can you open my letter? 301 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:35,736 That was not a letter. 302 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,070 It was barely even a text message. 303 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,138 Next time you write something 304 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:40,373 that short, at least have the courtesy to make it rhyme. 305 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,677 Marshall, wait. 306 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:46,413 This was our first fight as a married couple. 307 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,547 Oh, baby. 308 00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:49,717 Oh... Oh. 309 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,855 Kids, when you visit New York, there's countless fun things 310 00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:56,724 to see and do. 311 00:10:56,790 --> 00:11:00,027 And yet, Colleen and Lindsay took us to Tater-Skinz. 312 00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,428 COLLEEN: This is our favorite restaurant 313 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,529 in the city. 314 00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,131 Yes, I'm sure this is the best 315 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:08,401 of their 57 "spudtacular" east coast locations. 316 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:10,904 I'm going to run to the restroom. 317 00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:14,041 I'm gonna go, too. (growls) 318 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:17,610 (Ted groans, Barney laughs) 319 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:18,912 This is the easiest date ever. 320 00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,413 You know what I'm gonna try next? 321 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,782 A knock, knock joke. 322 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,851 Easiest? Somehow we have managed 323 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:26,954 to find the two lamest New Yorkers of all time. 324 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,688 Ted, Ted, Ted. Dude, I am looking at you. 325 00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,123 What? Right. 326 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,725 Stay with me. 327 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,962 We are on the cusp of moving from out-of-towners 328 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,663 to in-their-pantsers. 329 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,565 Ay-o. 330 00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:39,566 All right, Ignatius, 331 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,301 one more hour. Nice. 332 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,071 Nice. Hey, nice. Hey... 333 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,139 Hey, our friends invited us to a party. 334 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,641 You guys want to come along? Knock, knock. 335 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,077 Who's there? Yes, we do. 336 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:52,112 (all laughing) 337 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,181 (cheering on television) Quick announcement. 338 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:55,348 I am 339 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:58,651 so glad that you're here, fellow travelers. 340 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,453 A couple rules-- 341 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,922 not even rules. 342 00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:06,059 Let's call them guidelines for harmonious living. 343 00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,795 Guideline for harmonious living 344 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:10,030 number one-- 345 00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:13,700 the kitchen sink is for dishes, the toilet is for pee-pee. 346 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,102 G.F.H.L. 347 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,169 number two-- 348 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:19,039 marijuana is illegal in the United States, 349 00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,208 even when baked into a blueberry muffin 350 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,111 that someone might mistakenly eat for breakfast 351 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:27,414 right before they leave for their job as a TV newscaster. 352 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,648 "This just in: 353 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:32,786 look at my hand, how weird is my hand?" 354 00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,722 is not an appropriate thing to say on the air. 355 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,190 And number three, I... 356 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,191 (all cheering) 357 00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:44,531 And number three is please keep the noise to a minimum. 358 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,533 I have to take a nap. 359 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,936 I'm still pretty baked. 360 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:52,772 (gasps) 361 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:56,276 Everything's so bright, even at night. 362 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,911 No wonder the city never sleeps. 363 00:12:57,978 --> 00:12:58,912 (Barney and women laughing) 364 00:12:58,979 --> 00:12:59,980 Hey, if we're going north, 365 00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,714 why did we cross over the FDR? 366 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:02,950 We should have taken the Hudson. 367 00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:05,018 (scoffing): Now he knows all the streets. 368 00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:07,187 Someone's been watching too many Steinfeld reruns. 369 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,021 (women laughing) 370 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,189 (laughs sarcastically) 371 00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:10,723 Where are we even going anyway? 372 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,292 148th and Brook Avenue. 373 00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:15,762 A hundred-- in the South Bronx at this time of night? 374 00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:16,930 We're going to get killed. 375 00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:19,332 Ted, I think these local New Yorkers 376 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:22,936 know more about the city than we do, so relax. 377 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,839 We're in very capable hands. 378 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,074 (siren wails) 379 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,509 There were three of them, at least two guns-- 380 00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:30,777 they took all our money. 381 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:33,813 Well, I only had traveler's checks. 382 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,984 Hey, babe. 383 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,586 I've been thinking about our fight. 384 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:40,854 Yes? 385 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:44,191 I'm really, really... 386 00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,994 surprised that you haven't apologized to me yet. 387 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:51,064 Wow, you really want to open this up again. 388 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:54,001 Oh, I forgot, you open everything up, 389 00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:56,269 even if you're not supposed to until I'm dead. 390 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,905 You know that this is important to me. 391 00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,339 Why won't you just write the letter? 392 00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:02,409 Because I can't bear the thought of not being with you, 393 00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:05,712 not even for long enough to write you a stupid letter. 394 00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:07,380 Really? 395 00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,016 Yes, really. 396 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,984 Plus, I know as soon as I write it, 397 00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:13,086 you're just going to open it up and read it again. 398 00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,822 Lily, I won't, I promise. 399 00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:18,025 Okay. 400 00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,027 I'll write you a letter for my death folder. 401 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,262 Do you mind, um, maybe slipping 402 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,797 in a little bit of dirty stuff, too? 403 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,267 I tell you what. 404 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,302 How about I make it all dirty stuff 405 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,272 and slip in a little clean stuff? 406 00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:33,640 You're the best. 407 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:37,244 And maybe a couple Polaroids? 408 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,047 Come on, let's get out of here. 409 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,548 This night's a disaster. What?! 410 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,717 This night couldn't have gone any better. 411 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:45,852 We just survived a mugging. 412 00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,120 You know what that means. 413 00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:48,188 "Thank God we're alive" sex. 414 00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,357 "Thank God we're alive" sex. 415 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:51,959 It's even better 416 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:54,027 than "I can't believe you just proposed to me" sex, 417 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:55,895 which I've only had, like, four or five times. 418 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:58,531 Ted, please, we are so close. 419 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,200 All right, I'm in. 420 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,269 I've never worked this hard for anything in my life. 421 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,137 Whew! 422 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,705 Wow, I think we all need 423 00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:08,275 to go back to our place and recover. 424 00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,142 Yeah. 425 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:10,843 I just want to celebrate 426 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,445 the fact that we survived. 427 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:13,446 You know? 428 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,614 Mm-hmm. 429 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:15,949 Me, too. 430 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:18,018 So where do you live? 431 00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,619 What, West Village? Close. 432 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,421 West Orange. 433 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,292 West Orange, New Jersey? Yeah. 434 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:28,428 You guys live in New Jersey, not New York? 435 00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:29,562 Theodore. Yep. 436 00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,831 New Jersey? Teddy. Yeah, but don't worry, 437 00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:33,533 it's pretty much New York. TED: Oh. 438 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,567 No. 439 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:35,768 Oh, no. 440 00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:38,905 Oh, no. New Jersey is not "pretty much New York." 441 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:42,142 You are not "pretty much New Yorkers." 442 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,077 And how would you know? Because I live here. 443 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,678 That's right, I live here. 444 00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,080 Yes, we're full of crap. 445 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,016 Yes, we pretended to be from out of town 446 00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:50,517 so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. 447 00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,319 But you know what's even worse than that? 448 00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:55,322 Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. 449 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,257 Because this is the greatest city in the world 450 00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:00,093 and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. 451 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,728 So why don't you girls crawl 452 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:05,198 into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel 453 00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:08,568 and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? 454 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:09,502 Because I will do a lot 455 00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,171 to get laid, 456 00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:14,874 but I am not going to New Jersey! 457 00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:17,044 (huffs) 458 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:21,714 (in accent): You're not from Missouri? 459 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:26,686 Well, I will be a monkey's unc... 460 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,621 Ew. Right. 461 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,590 Can we get a ride? 462 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:34,061 Hey, um, sir, 463 00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,862 can we get a ride, too? 464 00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:38,198 Newark, born and raised. 465 00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:44,437 (drumming) 466 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,439 (sighs) 467 00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:52,612 Can you please keep it down? 468 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,980 (sighs) 469 00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:56,149 What happened to you, man? 470 00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:59,086 You said you wouldn't change, but look at you. 471 00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:02,955 No more tan, no more beaded braids, 472 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,357 no more lush, 473 00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:08,095 untamed forest of leg and armpit hair. 474 00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,396 You're back at work. 475 00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,430 What gives? 476 00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:12,632 Well, I have to have a job. 477 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,034 "I have to have a job." 478 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,370 God, that's so American. 479 00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,572 I'm Canadian. You know that. 480 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:23,710 What about the important things like making your own jewelry 481 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,078 and lying on the beach 482 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,147 and thinking about peace? 483 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,248 God, don't you care 484 00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:31,718 about thinking about peace? 485 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,686 Wow. 486 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,155 I just realized something. 487 00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:36,823 That you've lost your way. 488 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:37,890 No, 489 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:39,159 that you really suck. 490 00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,194 You're boring and lame 491 00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,495 and you're getting sand everywhere. 492 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,064 Seriously, where is all the sand coming from? 493 00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:47,167 You're not the real me. 494 00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:49,569 All you are is me on vacation 495 00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:51,471 trying to get away from a break-up. 496 00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:53,706 Don't you remember Argentina? 497 00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:00,880 Don't you want to go back? 498 00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,048 What are you doing? 499 00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:03,283 Shh... 500 00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:09,189 Let this happen. 501 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,528 (Robin gasps, drumming) 502 00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:26,306 All right, everyone out. 503 00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:28,475 I said everyone out! 504 00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:32,345 (frustrated growl) 505 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,819 (drumming stops, panicked shouting) 506 00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:42,021 All right, we're leaving, we're leaving, okay. 507 00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:44,090 Michael Moore was so right about Americans. 508 00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:46,493 I'm Canadian! 509 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,930 Robin, 510 00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:52,665 you okay? 511 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,701 No, I'm not. 512 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:57,304 Listen, Gael, 513 00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,671 I need to talk to you about something. 514 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,873 After they broke up, Robin went back to being Robin. 515 00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,108 (sighs) 516 00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:04,076 Welcome home, Scherbatsky. 517 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,978 Oh, good to be back. 518 00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,380 Although it's weird. 519 00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,949 Vacation Robin popped into my dream again last night. 520 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,851 Listening. 521 00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:13,320 This time we went all the way. 522 00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:14,721 Tell you one thing. 523 00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:17,790 She may be sandy, but that chick knows what I like. 524 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:27,667 Okay, I'm done. 525 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:30,102 But I really don't want you reading this unless... 526 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,472 you know, something happens. 527 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:35,074 Can you swear to me you won't open it? 528 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:36,943 Totally. What does it say? 529 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,446 Marshall, I'm serious. 530 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,047 Okay. 531 00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:44,251 I promise I won't, I won't open that until you're dead. 532 00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:45,552 (quietly): Okay. 533 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,487 And through 22 wonderful years of marriage, 534 00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:49,856 Marshall kept his promise 535 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:54,394 until November 1 of last year when, sadly... 536 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:11,478 "Busted! I knew you'd read this. 537 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,481 You suck, Marshall, you totally suck." 538 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,818 That's it? 539 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:21,220 I suck? 540 00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:22,255 Lily. Yes, you suck. 541 00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:23,456 You said you wouldn't read it 542 00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:25,558 and you did. Well, you didn't keep your promise either. 543 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,594 I don't see any dirty pictures in here. 544 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:28,461 Oh, fine, 545 00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:30,930 I'll take the dirty pictures. 546 00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:33,333 I don't want 'em now. 547 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,501 What is that supposed to mean? 548 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,502 What?! 549 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,703 Nothing. 550 00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:37,737 Nothing. 551 00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:38,605 You're beautiful. 552 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:39,772 I would love the photos. 553 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,441 Have I told you how beautiful you look?